INTEMPERANCE VIII - Chapter 14, Holy Water and the Plans We Make
Added 2024-07-01 05:01:43 +0000 UTCI'm sure everyone has noticed my production is way up this month. Hopefully no one minds four chapters this month. There is a story behind it. I came down with a fairly serious gastrointestinal issue and got to spend 8 days in the hospital earlier this month. I was discharged almost three weeks ago but remain on a medical leave of absence from work and I can't really leave the house. Don't worry, I'm on the mend and should be back to work by the middle of July, good as new hopefully. In any case, this has left me at home with Mrs. Steiner taking care of me (she is on family medical leave to do this) and leaving me with nothing else to do but write. This chapter, despite requiring a considerable amount of research for the first and last scenes, I pounded out in four days. As always, let me know how I'm doing. This chapter is a good example of how a reader suggestion shaped the story considerably. Those with more religious upbringing than myself (I was raised like Jake, religion-wise), please go easy on me. I researched and wrote the scene the best I could.
Comments
And good luck finding a Catholic in the US who is not inconsistent. Very few American Catholics actually agree with all the Catholic Church's views, weirdly enough.
JC
2024-08-29 10:29:47 +0000 UTCLol, that sounds like a very Protestant thing to think.
JC
2024-08-29 10:28:47 +0000 UTCWicked is a slang term for cool - mostly a Jersey thing but I guess RI also? It's not copyrighted.
JC
2024-08-29 10:27:53 +0000 UTCThe Tubes played in a muddy field across the street from my dorm in the early 80s. Many white punks on dope that day.
Rich Collins
2024-07-10 22:53:19 +0000 UTCFirst, thanks for keeping one of my all-time favorite stories ‘alive and well…even if you aren’t well at all times It might just be my dyslexic mind skipping over the same thing again and again but in the section where Jake is dealing with Westin and incorporating more traditional fare, it seems you start it off as a recollection then you end it with Jake thanking Westin and going off in search of the girls. Maybe it’s just me.
Rob Law
2024-07-10 21:13:11 +0000 UTCSorry, I'm not from Rhode Island and have never even been there. I am unfamiliar with what Wicked is or why it is associated with Rhode Island and why they would sing what is presumably copyrighted tune not penned by themselves.
Al Steiner
2024-07-07 23:56:33 +0000 UTCSo far neither of the Brainwash kids has said "wicked" once, They can't be from Rhode Island.
EdM1950
2024-07-07 19:41:50 +0000 UTCI will look into this for final edit and make it right if wrong. Thanks for pointing it out.
Al Steiner
2024-07-06 18:41:05 +0000 UTCGreat chapter! I’ve noticed an inconsistancy between ch10 & ch14: in ch10 p11, Celia buys a Sienna for her parents, while in ch14 she buys her father a truck and her mother a Lexus. Also, wouldn’t the description of the house fit better in ch10, since they visit it there and decide to buy it then. I know this would require a lot of editing, but now the flow of the story is not very logical
Alle Joeng
2024-07-06 15:51:03 +0000 UTCI'm not sure what would be better to have it happen to same foot or different feet o_O.
James Harrold
2024-07-05 11:51:01 +0000 UTCInteresting indeed since Jake would not allow Cap to go to Sunday school and likely neither would Celia.
Al Steiner
2024-07-04 18:27:12 +0000 UTCNope. Left foot stress fracture, right foot was the Achilles tendon.
Al Steiner
2024-07-04 18:26:13 +0000 UTCSorry to hear about the about your foot but good news about the medical benefits I have heard horror stories of people going into crazy debt from medical illnesses in the US. Is this the same foot that you tore your Achilles tendon?
James Harrold
2024-07-04 07:51:00 +0000 UTCWas doing much better. I have in-home PT and RN visits twice a week, have been exercising and getting my stamina back, and letting my stomach heal by avoiding alcohol and spicy food (two things I'm really quite fond of). And now, it appears I have a stress factor in my left foot which makes walking excruciating. This has been a fucked-up year for me (a shitshow, as Caydee would say) as far as health and injury goes. Thankfully, the hospital system I work for has fantastic medical benefits (and they're free!).
Al Steiner
2024-07-04 05:02:58 +0000 UTCIf you like rock music you should stream it and give it a listen. In my opinion, it's the Tubes' best song. I don't really care for much else they've done other than "White Punks on Dope".
Al Steiner
2024-07-04 04:54:17 +0000 UTCSo, am i the only one who Googled that tubes song?
Drew Seibert
2024-07-04 04:43:16 +0000 UTCThere will be interesting times when Cap is of the Sunday school age.
Mark WEISS
2024-07-03 22:04:22 +0000 UTCFixed in edit.
Al Steiner
2024-07-03 21:05:59 +0000 UTCNope, nobody caught that one. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll fix it in the next edit, although that likely won't be until the publication edit unless something major pops up.
Al Steiner
2024-07-02 22:01:30 +0000 UTCI haven't read through all the comments yet, and I'm not sure if anyone caught this, but you're missing a "you" in the following sentence... "“What do say, little dude. You want to go find a redhead with me or stay with Mommy and play some more?”
wulf losee
2024-07-02 20:52:41 +0000 UTCHope you a feeling better.
James Harrold
2024-07-02 09:26:44 +0000 UTCThat's all I have to do until at least mid-July. That and watching baseball.
Al Steiner
2024-07-01 20:00:13 +0000 UTCWorking on it. Getting stronger day by day.
Al Steiner
2024-07-01 19:59:24 +0000 UTCI wasn't criticizing, just pointing out some things I noticed... The straws could have been local thing... I was in LA in the late 80s and early 90s and don't recall them, but then again, like Matt, there were substances involved back then that make certain memories fuzzy. Keep up the great work, as always!
Steve Anderson
2024-07-01 19:52:40 +0000 UTCThe absolute best thing about this whole miserable ordeal I've been through and am still going through is that I get to sit and write from after breakfast until bedtime at any time it strikes my fancy to do so. And it strikes my fancy a lot.
Al Steiner
2024-07-01 19:17:29 +0000 UTCSorry. As I said, I did the best I could. I knew going in that I was not going to get everything right. Hopefully I did a reasonable job otherwise. My research did reveal that straws have been in use in many Catholic churches since AIDS made the hop over to the heterosexual community. In any case, I did incorporate your teaching to the edit which will be posted soon. I thank you for the information.
Al Steiner
2024-07-01 19:16:03 +0000 UTCA wise person once said " work is the curse of the drinking class. Unquote, apparently it curses authors to.
A J Kidd
2024-07-01 18:26:49 +0000 UTCAl, thanks for the clarification! As a reader, I look forward to the upcoming drama between Celia and her parents!! As someone sympathetic to Jake and Celia, I feel bad for them!! Celia is still pretty inconsistent in her beliefs, as she's written. (And there's nothing wrong with that -- lots of people are inconsistent with those things). I have family members like that, so perhaps I'm overly sensitive to it. But for example, in this chapter, she says: "There’s a part of me—a very small part, but there—that nags at me, that keeps asking me what if all of it or even some of it is true. What if we really do go to hell if we’re not baptized, or if we don’t believe that Jesus is the Savior?" So does she really think she might go to hell if she doesn't believe in the Catholic Jesus? It seems like she mostly doesn't have that belief. Does she think there's a chance (even a small one) that Cap will go to hell if he doesn't accept Jesus as the Savior? From lots of previous experience, those beliefs (even if mostly doubted) that get parents to send their kids to religious schools or camps or institutions, "just in case." And I can't believe Jake is going to agree to anything more than what's already been done, but I'm very curious to see how this all shakes out. It was all much easier when Mama and Papa Valdez lived on another continent (and there wasn't a grandchild in play!). If the Valdez parents ever babysit Cap (and even Caydee!) on the weekend, you know they're taking them to church.
Eric
2024-07-01 18:00:34 +0000 UTCP4. altar boys, not alter boys (unless they're fixin' to be transgender)
TexanInParis
2024-07-01 18:00:04 +0000 UTC1) Altar boys don't pour the sacrament al wine into the chalice... The priest does that does that earlier during the Mass as the wine is literally 'transconfigured' into the blood of Christ. 2) the hosts (not wafers) would not be in a Tupperware container, but a chalice similar to the one holding the wine. 3) in all of my 60+ years in the Catholic church, I've never seen straw used during communion... Even during the height of Covid... https://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/the-mass/order-of-mass/liturgy-of-the-eucharist
Steve Anderson
2024-07-01 17:58:41 +0000 UTCThe religion thing with Celia's parents is part of the upcoming drama in future chapters. As for communion and confession, Celia is mostly agnostic, does not go to confession but lies to her mother and tells her she does. It also explains while she has no guilt about taking communion for the benefit of her mother and father when she knows she is not a Catholic in good standing. She does not really believe she is consuming the body and blood of Christ, she is just eating a tasteless wafer and having a sip of wine. It was also explained several chapters back that she does not consider her relationship with Jake and Laura to be a sin because it is based in love, so even if she were really going to confession, she would not confess it. As for her reasons for wanting Cap baptized, I like to think I did a good job of explaining that when Celia had her talk with Jake and Laura.
Al Steiner
2024-07-01 17:50:12 +0000 UTCSorry, the L and P are very close to each other on the keyboard and my editing brain sometimes sees what it expects to see instead of what is really there. That's why I have all of my Beta Readers to help me edit.
Al Steiner
2024-07-01 17:44:15 +0000 UTCAl, I hope your recovery continues to go smoothly!!! If I were Jake, I'd be concerned about this religion thing with Cap. Will Celia (and perhaps especially her parents) be content with only a baptism? Typically, Catholicism is a lifelong committment....Mass every Sunday, plus catechism/Sunday School every week, then first communion in second grade, confirmation in eighth grade, etc., etc. Celia's folks don't really seem like the type to say "well, Cap is baptized now, he doesn't have to go to church anymore." And if they want him to eventually start going to church every Sunday as he gets older, that's when the brain-washing begins... I also remember a time when Celia wouldn't take communion because she hadn't gone to confession since "sinning." I suppose she doesn't really consider having lesbian extramarital sex with her co-wife to be sinning anymore, huh?? :D
Eric
2024-07-01 16:57:51 +0000 UTCp. 7 "Cal was still pissed off" p. 15 "She shared the same thoughts about traveling with Cal as Laura."
Rich Collins
2024-07-01 16:55:36 +0000 UTCGood point. When I researched where the consulate was, Sacramento just jumped out at me and I likely ignored everything else because that's quite near where I actually live. You are correct about the Los Angeles consulate. Thanks for pointing it out and I will change it in the edit.
Al Steiner
2024-07-01 16:35:07 +0000 UTCAl, we all appreciate using your recovery time to contribute more chapters - thanks! New Zealand's consulate has been on Olympic in LA for at least 25 years. Jake could easily take everyone for their ETA on a routine trip to see Pauline for KVA business or whatever. Though Sacramento is, presumably, close to Heritage, the Kingsley and Valdéz families would probably find the LA consulate easier to visit.
Tim Blackington
2024-07-01 14:44:47 +0000 UTCFound a few things, some are typos, some just sounded a little off. Feel free to ignore. I used page numbers to make it easier to find: p.4 - He definitely wouldn’t dig It’s In the Book,” Celia said. - Missing double quote before He p.13 - “And we’ll go on trip,” she said. It was not a question. - Should be "And we'll go on a trip" p.13 - “We have a beautiful house in New Zealand that is just sitting there unoccupied most of the time,” she said. “That’s where we should go. Fly out on the morning of December 20th, fly back on January 3rd so we’ll all have time to get re-acclimated to this hemisphere of the planet.” - I don't quite remember the grammar rules but I *think* there should be a comma after "fly back on January 3rd," but check that one with whatever resources you use. p.15 - They got up and took seats at the dining room table. Cap began to fuss and squirm so Jake handed him over to Celia. She whipped out her right boob and latched him onto it. He began to feed. - The last sentence ("He began to feed") doesn't have the same tone as the rest of the paragraph around it. I don't know what to say other than it sounds a bit out of place. You're usually a little more descriptive so it jumped out. Not sure anything is wrong, just made me go back a couple times until I figured out what felt weird. p.15 - She was quite tired of staring at the same walls day after day and the idea of flying to the southern hemisphere and spending almost two weeks there where it would be warm and sunny was quite appealing. - Run on sentence, you can probably break it into two sentences after "flying to the southern hemisphere" or can leave as is. It makes sense given her train of thought seemed a bit rambling at that time. p.16 - The same look on Mama’s face as when Laura had suggested a talk with Celia occurred. - I get what you're trying to say, but it sounds awkward. p.18 - He left the office and made his back into he entertainment room. - "made his way back into the"
Richem
2024-07-01 13:20:32 +0000 UTCThanks. Will fix in the edit.
Al Steiner
2024-07-01 07:19:39 +0000 UTCYou called the baby Cal instead of Cap.
Jamie
2024-07-01 06:36:14 +0000 UTCBring 'em on. As far as I'm concerned do as many as you can plow through
Andrew Larkin
2024-07-01 05:09:15 +0000 UTCGet Better soon Al... but we are enjoying the downtime!
Russ Wideman
2024-07-01 05:04:22 +0000 UTC
