INTEMPERANCE VIII - Chapter 9, Welcome to the Machine
Added 2024-05-27 01:31:30 +0000 UTCA very important chapter in the tale. After a long wait, things have moved along. Let me know how I did. Hopefully I resolved the Celia and her parents' situation to everyone's satisfaction. if not, I did the best I could. This was pretty much what i was planning all along.
Comments
A good question that I did not even think about during the story. My policy with the Intemperance universe has always been that it exists as our universe of the time did with the exception of the existence and flow of the characters I've created, so the nightclub fire would have happened. I will ponder how to address this issue, as Brainwash most certainly would have played at that club at some point.
Al Steiner
2024-05-29 21:04:04 +0000 UTCJC, also remember that the story is taking place in 2003. A lot of things have changed in the world in the past 21 years. What's true in the Spanish-speaking world now wasn't necessarily true back then.
Eric
2024-05-29 15:28:01 +0000 UTCFor those who don't know....Al does eventually publish these books on Stories Online, where individual chapters (or an entire book) can be downloaded as an epub. Currently the tale is on SOL through Book VII.
Eric
2024-05-29 15:26:33 +0000 UTCUnrelated to this chapter, Al, but curious. In this universe, did the Great White / Station nightclub fire happen in February 2003? It was a gruesome event and obviously not something fun to write about. But given that it happened in such close proximity to our friends from Brainwash (the fire was in Warwick, RI just outside of Providence) I wondered if it would have any effect on our characters. Intemperance, La Dif, Big G, and others would have played in clubs very similar to the Station early in their careers. Hell, Brainwash themselves might have played there, and might know people that were at the Great White show that night. Given that one of the band members from GW was killed in the fire, just wondered if it would prompt some reflection from anyone. A bit of a morbid question, I admit. But just curious.
Eric
2024-05-29 15:24:40 +0000 UTCI also want to say your chapter was great. I could not imagine that her parents could not have understood that the two stories did not match. Also, thanks for having the parents feel good that Celia and Jake went to all the trouble to insure that Cap was born legitimate. Very well done!
Larry Terrill
2024-05-29 13:49:58 +0000 UTCCelia is from Venezuela, which is predominantly devout Catholic, as are her parents. I will stand by my statement.
Al Steiner
2024-05-28 20:17:06 +0000 UTCAn error is a confirmed mistake. You are pointing out differences of opinion.
Al Steiner
2024-05-28 17:01:59 +0000 UTCI love your writing very much, and I've been a fan for a long time. I pointed out three errors I found - a factual mistake about LGBT Spanish vocabulary (see the links I posted) and two instances of awkward or poorly-worded dialogue - not to criticize you, but because they stood out in an otherwise well-written chapter.
JC
2024-05-28 09:24:25 +0000 UTCIt seemed to me like an awkward thing to say right in front of them at that moment. It would make sense if she pulled him aside.
JC
2024-05-28 09:22:15 +0000 UTCDefensive? Am I not allowed to defend myself when someone publicly posts four criticisms of my work in several hours, none of which have anything to do with spelling or grammar, just the way I put words down on paper, and I, the writer and researcher, disagree with all four? At the same time, you give no indication that you are enjoying the story in any way, just criticizing for the sake of doing it. Can you perhaps see why this would annoy me to some degree? I am a big boy and I'm not going to cry in the corner or ban anyone from my page, but I will be defensive when necessary.
Al Steiner
2024-05-28 09:06:42 +0000 UTCWill fix in a future edit. Thanks. This was pretty much what i had planned for Celia's parents the entire time. I'm glad I pulled it off.
Al Steiner
2024-05-28 03:39:10 +0000 UTCHe's welcoming his son, welcoming him to the machine.
Al Steiner
2024-05-28 03:35:24 +0000 UTCNotes: It’s gear and flaps were both down It's->Its (possessive, not contraction) Jake caught the basic jist of the conversation jist->gist
mdapkins
2024-05-28 02:42:13 +0000 UTCThanks for the chapter! A bit of an anticlimax with Celia's parents, but a good outcome for everyone, and it keeps things from getting bogged down in the logistics of deception. Looking forward to the next one!
mdapkins
2024-05-28 02:36:09 +0000 UTCYes I love the chapter very much. I love all your writing. I don't love your defensiveness though.
JC
2024-05-28 02:32:29 +0000 UTCPlease check your sources on this as this is an absurd thing to say. There are half a billion people in all parts of the world who speak Spanish, many of them out as LGBT and part of LGBT communities, and many of them not Catholic. https://fluentvista.com/how-to-say-gay-in-spanish/ https://blog.lingoda.com/en/slang-from-the-lgbt-community-in-spain/ https://aninjusticemag.com/lgbtq-terms-in-english-spanish-that-you-should-know-3d1e6825ddd5
JC
2024-05-28 02:32:02 +0000 UTCBut why would they say "the Americas"?
JC
2024-05-28 02:25:33 +0000 UTClol, Welcome to the machine…I recognized it but didn’t! Amazing one! A lot of really good reference titles there! Hey you, Wall, on and on and on…look out for references to Matt
Robar
2024-05-28 00:47:35 +0000 UTCI'm glad you liked it. I was rather proud of this chapter, especially the title of it. A Pink Floyd reference.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 23:44:44 +0000 UTCYou did this very well! Thanks
Robar
2024-05-27 22:34:41 +0000 UTCI generally will do an edit and post it after the error reports come in.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 21:48:03 +0000 UTCah maybe you did. My Inbox showed two attachments (to the patreon notification) and I clicked on the bottom one.
Tsysin
2024-05-27 21:07:04 +0000 UTCI have been told by several people that this is actually the case. It is part of what makes it so hard for gay Hispanic people in that part of the world to come out to their parents. Imagine if you had to tell your parents you were gay and the only way to say it was "Faggot". Remember, that part of the world is Catholic.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 20:26:25 +0000 UTCI don't understand your issue with this. Celia knew they weren't buying the story, thus the five words, why would she bother hiding it at that point?
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 20:21:58 +0000 UTCI do not believe that Junipero Serra built any missions in South America. He would be "The Father" of whom they speak. The one who led the Christianization of North America, the part of Mexico that is now the United States in particular. He is revered in the Catholic community.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 20:20:04 +0000 UTCI thought I got that in the edit.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 19:54:37 +0000 UTCDid you find anything you liked about the chapter?
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 19:54:02 +0000 UTCI use TEXT-ALOUD by NEXTUP on my PC to both read the PDFs out loud and make mp3 files for playback on my VICTOR READER STREAM
John Steffen
2024-05-27 18:31:17 +0000 UTCI
John Steffen
2024-05-27 18:16:43 +0000 UTCSpelling Error - "..effort you have gone to. > I'll < will be nice that the baby....
Tsysin
2024-05-27 11:16:36 +0000 UTC> "We have never been to one of the Father’s houses in the Americas." this seems like odd phrasing. they live in the Americas, don't they? South America is part of "the Americas," right? - where else would they go to a mission?
JC
2024-05-27 10:25:21 +0000 UTC> "there were no polite words for lesbian or bisexual in their language, only derogatory ones." I'm sure this can't be correct... really, in 2003, there was no way of talking about lesbians or bisexuals in Spanish without insulting them?
JC
2024-05-27 10:20:38 +0000 UTC> Celia summed it up for him in five words of English. “They’re not buying our story.” She just says that in front of them? I know they don't speak much English but they surely would get that!
JC
2024-05-27 10:16:53 +0000 UTCCaydee has a lot of my two daughters in her, with a little less profanity of course.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 10:09:55 +0000 UTCWould love my daughters to know Caydee. They would so get along. Mine are older and tell their nieces and nephews horror tales to scare them
Robar
2024-05-27 08:28:51 +0000 UTCNo. The Kingsleys do not do Godparents. And if they did, it would likely be the Nerdlys they would choose, although the Nerdlys probably don't do that either, being Jews and all. The kid has two mothers and a father. Why does he need anything more?
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 08:17:47 +0000 UTCExcellent resolution - do you have the nerve to write Matt in to be one of Cap's godparents?
David Stewart
2024-05-27 08:04:06 +0000 UTCWhen she was partially raised by Celia, as explained. She's not fluent in it, of course, but has a good understanding because of Celia's influence and her young age. Is it really that implausible? My own children learned mor Spanish than I know simply by watching Dora the Explorer when they were little. Having an actual Spanish speaker in the house during her formative years would be quite conducive to her learning a good bit of the language, especially since Jake and Laura would both encourage it.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 08:01:33 +0000 UTCCaydee speaks Spanish? When did that happen?
JC
2024-05-27 06:57:13 +0000 UTCThis is a real saga and I am hooked on it
Peter Kelly
2024-05-27 05:37:09 +0000 UTCI copy the pdf into word to format the doc properly and then use Calibre to export an epub. Works pretty well
Mr. Plastic
2024-05-27 05:21:23 +0000 UTCGreat chapter Al, nice name for the boy!
Russ Wideman
2024-05-27 05:11:01 +0000 UTCAnd Roberto really did not want to watch his daughter give birth, but Maria did.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 04:17:13 +0000 UTCMy bad. Will fix when I do the edit.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 04:15:38 +0000 UTCWhat he said. Too technical for me.
Al Steiner
2024-05-27 04:15:12 +0000 UTCI solve by opening the PDF in Word and using the "Send documents to Kindle" option under the "Export" menu on the "Files" option. Shows up as a DOC in the Kindle selection submenu on Amazon...
Jeff J.
2024-05-27 03:15:40 +0000 UTCOutstanding. I know I complained about this plot point a lot, but I should have known better and had faith in you, Al. Resolved perfectly, with Celia's parents showing that they're neither stupid idiots nor intolerant assholes. They simply want their daughter to be happy (oh and they wanted a grandkid too, of course). Great chapter!
Eric
2024-05-27 03:11:38 +0000 UTCSeconded
Whicked
2024-05-27 02:28:58 +0000 UTCWhen the baby is born you wrote Celia twice, I think the second was supposed to be Laura.
Jamie
2024-05-27 02:09:23 +0000 UTCGreat to see the happy event.
Artulo
2024-05-27 02:08:42 +0000 UTCWould you be able to release the chapters in epub format? Reading a pdf on a phone sucks :) Thank you for the great stories!
Chicken
2024-05-27 01:46:20 +0000 UTC
