INTEMPERANCE VI, Chapter 20, Totally!
Added 2022-08-19 05:25:38 +0000 UTCA new character is introduced, one I am enthusiastic about. I have and do know people such as Tiffany, so I hope I am not being offensive. Let me know your first impressions of her. Also, Matt Tisdale returns from his European tour and evaluates his situation. Let me know how this plotline is going as well.
Comments
You apparently get thrown very easily. Doug is known very well for being a vocalist despite what Jake has primarily hired him for, and does, in fact, serve as a vocalist in Jake's band, so has seemingly earned the right to be referred to as such. Sorry you don't like Tif, but she's kind of here to stay as well, at least for the next few chapters. As is Doug and his Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, whether you believe it to be ethnic enough or not.
Al Steiner
2022-08-23 10:00:49 +0000 UTCNo, I mean "no big" which would be slang for "no big deal".
Al Steiner
2022-08-23 09:56:32 +0000 UTCAlso, did you mean "No big deal though" instead of "No big though"? -- Jake says, "That makes for a nasty, unsteady onshore flow over the coastal mountains. A little bit of rain too.” He shrugged. “No big though.”
wulf losee
2022-08-23 03:41:20 +0000 UTC"So far, Jake enjoyed working with the former Jordan vocalist." Yes, I understood that Doug is both a vocalist and keyboardist, but I thought Jake hired him for his keyboarding skills (?). Not a big deal, but it threw me for a loop for a moment. In the rest of the chapter, it's keyboards, keyboards, keyboards, though. I also think (like Joy Bee does) that Tiff is just a wee bit over the top. But I can imagine where the whole innocent BJ thing might lead her into some future contretemps while on the road. Hopefully, you have some sort of plot complication planned for her. Finally, I would suggest you limit yourself to a single Jesus-Mary-and-Joseph exclamation from Doug in each chapter. Being half-Irish, I've never heard it outside the Irish Catholic community. Maybe Catholics of Austrian and French extraction say it in the US, but Foreman is a northern English surname and hearing someone with a Sassenach surname exclaim it all the time just doesn't feel authentic. Again, don't take my very mild criticisms too seriously. Just some thoughts I'm throwing out there for you to consider. BTW, if I haven't already said this, I'm enjoying your Intemperance novels immensely!
wulf losee
2022-08-23 03:25:46 +0000 UTC
