SakeTami
Achewood
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Come live in my house! Open this weekend.

https://www.redfin.com/OR/Portland/6725-NE-25th-Ave-97211/home/25852977

After fifteen years of ownership (that originally autocorrected to “perversion,” which felt like a judgement from the heavens) and five months of nonstop improvements, my old home has been listed for sale. Come take a look, make it seem popular. There aren’t many homes of these parameters and quality available right now, so hopefully competition will be “seven hands on the last banana”-style.

Disengaging from this home, and my current lifestyle of toiling day-long to make it nicer than it ever was when I lived there, will take a while. Last night, when I told Lauren I was going over one last time this morning to more the back lawn, she put her foot down and told me I needed to let go. It was a Moment. (If you buy this house, can I still come over for a bar-be-que? I promise not to talk to anybody, but I may reflexively pluck some dandelions.)

Two hours after the listing went live yesterday, the agent was already letting interested buyers in. Not one hour prior, I had been up on the ladder, scraping out the gutters and flicking the odd piece of moss off the roof.

Now when I go to Home Depot, my mind falls blank. My hands hang confused at my sides. I have no tasks. Even the last to-do item, hanging the S-hooks from the pot rack I made, to imply its usage, has been completed. Their spacing has been fretted over, optimized.

Once more, with feeling,

https://www.redfin.com/OR/Portland/6725-NE-25th-Ave-97211/home/25852977

Come live in my house! Open this weekend. Come live in my house! Open this weekend. Come live in my house! Open this weekend. Come live in my house! Open this weekend. Come live in my house! Open this weekend. Come live in my house! Open this weekend. Come live in my house! Open this weekend.

Comments

Only one who has Been There would have eyed that cocked window so clearly. Yeah, this process is kind of a special club, once you really lay nails into making that box of wood something it either was or wasn't. What you did with muntins and sash pockets, I usually do with wood floors and trim. By the end of these projects, you've demystified a home, and that's no little mental feat. At some point before the September wedding, which is the deadline for most of the big edits to the 1913, I would like to post some before and after pics.

Chris Onstad

You have no idea, or probably you do, how much time I have spent on old windows, making every mistake it is possible to make trying to achieve perfection served on a windowsill. Once you have been ensnared by that current of righteous, you can never find your way ashore. I can not wait to see your work on the 1913 farm house, that's more by nearly 25 years than anything I have ever worked on. Just know I admire and empathize with the work you are doing. The act of fixing my house turned in to restoring my home. Inadvertently it gave me a sort of ladder to crawl out of a very dark hole I had dug for myself. I think that spiritually it moved me to a different place. ( I hate that last sentence, and using the word spiritually but it's the best way I describe it ).

C C

I don’t think they make those. They have their skills (ability to deduct fancy car from income), but engaging prose is not among them. She was so relieved when I offered to write it. Thanks!

Chris Onstad

What it is, is the perfect chance for something to leak and destroy subfloor which will take twelve hours and a thousand dollars to replace so that you can have an ice cube that is one step easier.

Chris Onstad

Well done on the voice, then--I had assumed you had simply found an exceptionally well-lettered realtor!

Charles Richter

Excuse me the listing states that the refrigerator has an “automatic ice maker” and just what kind of insane fucking witchcraft is that? Is this a house from SPACE.

Nicholas Williams

If you like my tilty window so much, I suggest you take its hand in holy matrimony. Sheesh! Thanks, I busted ass on this place. Learned a lot, especially about doorknobs. When the new place is showable, and not just livable, I'll be sharing pics. It's a big 1913 farmhouse on a good lot but it needed/needs enough work to get HGTV through two seasons.

Chris Onstad

I wrote the listing, because realtor writing gives me a pinch on the nether. But really, who better to write ad copy than Vlad?

Chris Onstad

It's honestly a beautiful home, you should be proud of the work you put into it. It would be interesting to see pictures of the home you moved in to versus the home you're selling. p.s. Did you fix that window?

C C

Was there any discussion with the realtor regarding writing the listing description in an "in universe" voice, and if so, whose voice would it have been?

Charles Richter

And good luck on the fraught path!

Chris Onstad

Thank you. It has a ton of potential. But so does a nutshell, I suppose. I realized a very small portion of it there, largely in the form of learning how to use an inexpensive meat smoker.

Chris Onstad

As someone currently house hunting in the Beautiful Capital District of New York let me say… what a lovely home.🫶

The Terrifier

Tyler made my ice cream birthday cake back when they were just one location and a laptop!

Chris Onstad

It looks nice and welcoming. Plus, a Salt and Straw less than a mile away? Heck yes.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)


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