July Flash tale #1 - "Better"

Parkdale

Ever since I met Danny, I thought he looked handsome in stripes. He disagreed; he would always return the shirts I bought him.

He won’t return clothes now. He wears whatever I pick out for him. He’s much more agreeable now.

Most of the time, anyway.

“Brrr, are those wipey-wipes cold? Mummy’s sorry, sweetie. Gotta make you all clean, sugar-plum, gotta clean up all your stinkies.”

I regret the affair. A terrible act of dishonesty. I hear people explain these things away with “I didn’t mean to do it, it just happened. I didn’t plan it, I wasn’t looking for it.” But really, grown-ups aren’t children, are they? We make our choices; how we respond to a flirtation, the words we use with someone new, and of course, the words we keep secret from our spouse.

I am sorry for my duplicitous behaviour. I still feel the burn of shame – not just that, the burn of embarrassment! The sheer foolishness of believing that I had found someone new and exciting, while in truth, it was merely the situation that held novelty value. Once that wore off, I was left with a furious, hurt husband, and a new partner who had just as many problems as the man I married. (More, in fact, given that he was already married to someone else).

It was a bad mistake. Unforgivable for some.

But there’s one thing I’m not sorry for. Parkdale.

This town has given me the opportunity to make things right. A second chance for my relationship with Danny. And sure, it’s not the same relationship. As I change his nappy, I understand that this is no longer a marriage.

Parkdale has given us something better.

I look down at Danny, clean as a whistle thanks to the wipes, naked as the day he was born (looking not so much older than that) and I can only smile. I beam and I grin, because he’s so cute, he’s so perfect. And really, he’s such a happy baby. I promised I would make it up to him, I promised I would find a way to fix things. And it’s clear from the expression on his face that I’ve succeeded. Pretty much.

“All clean now! All clean! Mmm…Mummy just wants to eat you all up! That’s right! Look at you, are you waving at Mummy? Are you saying hi? Let’s get you in a fresh nappy.”

A train-ride from London with the promise of a small town where nobody knew us, where we could reconnect. “A long goodbye,” Danny called it, determined not to forgive, sure there was nothing left in his heart for me.

But this was more than a bed and breakfast getaway. After one night in Parkdale, with one special cocktail and then help from the doctors, Danny – and our relationship – is reborn.

“Look at you, so cute in your dungarees. You’re my stripey little boy! You’re like a cute little train driver!”

“He loves his mummy,” said the nurse before she left. “You can see it in his eyes.”

It’s true. He’s not about to tell me out loud, of course. He can’t say how he feels, he can’t write it in a note. But he can smile, he can make his sweet babbling noises. And he can reach for me, like he’s doing now, with his chubby little fingers.

“Wanna hug? Want your cuddles? Here you go. Mmm…fresh baby! Mummy could just gobble you up, yes she could!”

I kiss his head, I kiss his face. I can’t get enough of those chubby cheeks.

And that’s when his expression changes; a little cloud over those otherwise sunny skies.

know that he’s remembering. Some scattered memory from before, something that hasn’t left him yet.

The doctor warned me about this. Periods of…not clarity, exactly…but recognition. That he used to be bigger. That I broke his heart.

That’s fair. Holding my baby on my lap, and Danny he looks at me with wounded eyes. It’s okay; I deserve it. I’m hardly innocent.

“I know,” I whisper. “I get it. But I’m yours forever now, Danny. I’ll never hurt you again.”

The doctor warned me this would happen; some memories take their time leaving, and some thoughts sting on their way out of the brain.

The nurse told me just what to do.

“Be his mum,” she said. “Look after his baby needs, and his grown-up ones will fade away.”

So I lift him up and kiss his feet, nibble at his perfect little toes. He lifts his knees, a baby’s reflex, and he gives me a pained look, as if he doesn’t want to be my baby. As if he doesn’t want to be happy.

But Mummy knows best.

I lay him down on the floor, give him his favourite toy, a colourful ball that’s been demanding his attention since this morning.

“Got your ball, Danny. You love your ball.”

Danny gazes at the object with cross-eyed intensity, and then it falls. He can’t hold onto anything for long. He turns his head, tracks the ball as it rolls a few inches and stops beside him on the rug.

“Ball ran away!” I exclaim. “Where’d that silly ball go?”

Danny looks up at me, he can’t resist my tone. He is wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Another memory gone, replaced with fresh wonder and innocence.

“Want it?” I ask. “Mummy get it?”

I reach for the ball, but Danny has other ideas. Big ideas for his growing, baby brain. He remembers his feet, those funny things at the end of his legs, and he grabs one, cramming toes into his eager mouth.

“Oh,” I say, nodding. “Baby likes his toes.” I laugh. “Are they tasty, Danny? You got tasty toes?”

Danny doesn’t reply. Of course he doesn’t, he’s just a baby. But he continues to suck on his feet, his expression blissful and innocent.  Because I hurt my husband but now he’s all better.

THE END

"After a man discovers his wife's affair, she is sure that a brief stay in Parkdale will have him all smiles again"  - Rick