November Exclusive - "Deal" - Part 3

Joshua doesn’t walk up the stairs, because stairs are hard at the moment, with his stubby little legs. It’ll be easy after the bounce of course, easy to walk up and down stairs when he’s big again. For now, Miss Brown carries him.

As soon as they’re in the nursery, Joshua is back on his feet, walking around with confidence, because he’s not a tiny little baby like Miss Brown’s silly nephew. He prove the point, demonstrates his bigness, by helping Miss Brown. He walks to and fro, fetching the Wet Wipes from their resting place on a yellow stool, heading to the wardrobe so he can choose the best pyjamas to wear for his nap.

Red. Red’s the best colour. Like Joshua’s car, red is the best colour for jammies. Miss Brown nods with approval at his choice. They look impossibly small, but Miss Brown seems confident that they will fit. And besides, they’ll be so cosy and comfortable.

“What fun this is!” Miss Brown says, her voice so bright and musical. “When I asked your mummy which jammies you’d want, she said you’d choose red. Isn’t Mummy clever!”

Joshua manages a vague smile, but it’s strange to think of his mother. In fact, he can’t quite picture her. Isn’t Mummy from a long time ago? Isn’t she from lots and lots of years before?

He makes up his mind to ask Miss Brown about that, but before he has the chance, she has changed the subject.  “My nephew is a sweetheart, but he can’t do as he’s told, not like you Josh. And look at you, telling me what jammies you want to wear. You’re so clever!”

Joshua couldn’t agree more. Silly little babies don’t do any of this. They can’t walk, they just bounce in the stupid bouncer in the living room. They can’t fetch things, they can’t choose their clothes – they don’t even know what colours are! Helping Miss Brown helps Joshua’s own confidence, helps him stay calm, good as gold, even as the sodden nappy smooshes between his legs, even as he chews on his fingers to get some relief from his teething pains.

“Are those nummy fingers?” asks Miss Brown sweetly. She lifts him up, plants a fond kiss on his cheek, and lies Joshua down on his back. “Let’s get you all clean and ready for your nap.” What is he resting on? A kind of plastic material, soft and smelling faintly of rubber. More importantly, it’s a kind of table. Miss Brown calls it a changing table, to be exact.

Changing what? Changing Joshua? Transforming him?

No. It’s for the wet nappy. Miss Brown will transform that offending garment into something better. Something clean and dry.

“A little cold,” says Miss Brown apologetically. “Don’t worry.” She smiles down at him. “Soon have you cosy and comfortable.”

For a moment, Joshua believes that the woman is sorry about the room temperature. But then he understands, lifting his head as Miss Brown wipes between his legs with a Wet Wipe.

Cosy and comfortable. Not now, but later. It has begun to sound like a mantra. More likely, it’s a deal. Joshua has to put up with an inconvenience, he must delay gratification, all for a future return on his investment.

First the fresh nappy. Then relief for his poor little teethies. Then the jammies. And then a lovely nap. He can sleep, and when he wakes up, he will be right as rain. He will be good as gold. Miss Brown has promised all of that.

He smiles faintly as Miss Brown cleans his crotch. He is being good as gold, Miss Brown has told him as much. She has practically sung him the evidence, humming and cooing at him as she works.

The more time he spends in her presence, the more Joshua likes her. Probably, she’s only being so nice because he paid her lots of money. He paid her a really big number, something so big he can’t quite remember what it was, all those zeroes spiral in his brain when he closes his eyes to focus on them, so he’s stopped doing that. The big numbers don’t matter. All that matters is that they mean a deal. Lots of money. Enough for…a really big car, probably. Yes, like a super-speedy red race car that is really loud and fast and even if Joshua crashed it, it would still work, just like the toy ones he likes to play with. In the old days, he means. He could have a real car now, of course. He does have a real one, probably. Except the details of the car, just like the payment he gave Miss Brown’s company, is jumbled and confusing, so he doesn’t worry about them.

They made a deal. A deal to make Joshua young again, because he was really, really old before. Old and stiff and wrinkly and tired and…well, he hardly ever played games or laughed. And now, Miss Brown says that Joshua is such a funny boy, such a silly little rascal, and she proves it by tickling him, especially his feet, running her finger up the soles of his feet, along his chubby thighs, and Joshua forget his words when she does that, he just giggles in response, kicking his legs, because he wants her to stop, even as he wants her to keep going, because she’s right. Josh is such a silly rascal.

“There,” says Miss Brown. “All clean. And now for your poor teethies.” She reaches into her pocket and holds out something that looks as though it’s made of plastic.

He gazes at the object, and he feels utterly bewildered. “Medith…methi…” Josh stumbles over the word in his confusion. He removes the silly fingers from his mouth and focuses on enunciation. “Medicine?”

Miss Brown nods. “That’s right, sweetie! Just pop it in your mouth and you’ll be right as rain.”

Josh takes the ring-shaped piece of plastic and opens wide. It’s too big to fit all of it in his mouth, but when he bites down, he is rewarded with cool relief from his aching gums.

“There!” Miss Brown says, and the expression on her face suggests that she’s the one feeling the relief. Which is silly, because she’s not the one with the teething ring. Only Joshua gets to use the ring, because of his poor teethies.

She smiles down at him. “Better?”

Josh babbles around the plastic, “Bedduh.”

And as he gnaws on the teether, Josh notices a return of the tingling in his feet, except this time the tingles are all over his body. It’s not a bad feeling, just strange, and if he wasn’t lying down he’d want to look at his arms and legs, but lifting his head seems like too much work, and so he just waves his hands and feet lazily, chewing on the plastic as the tingles grow in intensity and then…they’re gone.

Miss Brown helps Josh sit up, and he discovers that she has dressed him in a different kind of nappy. It’s much thicker than the one before, and has got shiny pins to fasten it.

“A lovely soft cloth nappy,” says Miss Brown. “Mummy wants her little boy to be traditional, and I quite agree. Go ahead, touch it, it’s lovely and fluffy.”

Josh does as he’s told, and he smiles faintly at the softness, drooling past the teether and dribbling down his chin.

But the headline isn’t about the nappy, or the plastic pants that Miss Brown adds to his outfit, leaving Joshua crinkling and rustling even more than before.

He’s smaller. Even smaller. That must be why he couldn’t sit up by himself.

He gazes down at his little legs, and then looks up at Miss Brown. “I’m little.” Except, he doesn’t say that. His diction is a barely coherent mess. Uhh…widduh. He runs a clumsy tongue around his mouth. Where are his teeth?

He goggles at Miss Brown and expresses his discontent in language that is closer to a baby’s babble. “Huh…dee-uh!”

Miss Brown raises her eyebrows, and then nods sympathetically as she lies him back down and dresses him in the fuzzy red footed pyjamas sized for a six month old.

“We had a deal? No, silly. Your mummy and I, we had a deal.” She picks him up, cradling him against her chest so she can look down at him. “Don’t worry, I know it’s confusing, but just like I promised, once you wake up from your nap, all those silly thoughts will have gone bye-byes and you’ll be right as rain. Just in time for Stacy to collect you!” She beams at him. “Mummy’s so looking forward to putting you in the bouncer, and you’ll love it as well. Mummy’s going to feed you lots of lovely pudding, just right for greedy little baby who doesn’t even have teeth yet. You’ll be secure in your highchair, telling Mummy all your nonsense, and then she’ll hold you on her lap, and you’ll be drooling and babbling and making wetties. Yes, you’ll be good as gold for Mummy.”

It’s now, for a moment of clarity that Josh knows can’t last, his thoughts pulsing and fading into a growing confusion that he understands that nothing in the house is for Miss Brown’s nephew. That it’s all for Josh. It’s all for him and Mummy. And he remembers the name from before, and puts his mother’s together with his third wife’s.

This was Stacy’s deal. No wonder she didn’t ask for money in the divorce settlement. She knew she would get it all in the end.

Josh reaches for Miss Brown’s face, as if he might try to strike or, or perhaps just pleading for mercy, and says, “Bouth! Bounth!”

Miss Brown nods, making cooing sounds of sympathy as she carries him to the cot. “There was a bounce, that’s right. But we didn’t make you too little, sweetie. We didn’t make you little enough.” She pats the baby’s bottom lightly and then kisses his cheek, places a dummy between his lips before putting him down. “You wanted to be a big boy, but Mummy’s in charge, and Josh is going to be her itty-bitty baby and go bouncy-bouncy for Mummy in his bouncer. And you’re going to have so much fun, being Stacy’s good little baby. So much more fun than trying to be her husband.”

Miss Brown kisses Josh’s forehead, strokes his stomach, and then turns on the mobile, leaving the nursery and leaving Josh in peace, so he can listen to the twinkling music and watch the gently swirling colours. He’s still confused, but as he lies there, he enjoys the absence of discomfort in his mouth. No sign of teeth means a merciful end to teething pains. The impotent kicks of his fuzzy feet become sleepy twitches. Because it’s nap-time. And Josh is sure that once he wakes up, he’ll be right as rain.

THE END

“A wealthy tycoon is willing to pay anything to get his youth back...too bad no one told him about Parkdale’s fine print...” - Alexander