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Octopuses AD FREE

Added 2023-03-14 07:00:04 +0000 UTC

Thought this episode should've been called "octopi?" So did we until Abby Pratt (@feltology) set us straight on our octopus knowledge!

Octopuses AD FREE

Comments

Did she really say that octopuses benefit from climate change? :O They can adapt faster than other species, and see population growth, but that is not the same thing... and I wonder what they will do when all their food dies out due to the rising temperatures and ocean acidification. I suppose they just keep eating each other. But again, the coral reefs they live in are bleaching... so wtf?

2023-03-29 08:37:38 +0000 UTC

Hey, I pay my $20 a month like everyone else! (Amazing username, BTW.)

2023-03-16 21:06:28 +0000 UTC

Jesus Christ, can we please get some comment moderation?

2023-03-16 08:43:48 +0000 UTC

Lol what the fuck

2023-03-15 20:23:25 +0000 UTC

Octopuses do not have any bones — with the exception of their beaks — so if you are responsible and depraved enough to be literally the life support of your eight-limbed friend, you can debeak it like how you'd declaw a cat and then push your member into its feed chute. You can then let it subsist on your baby batter. The octopus is smart — very smart. It will learn that without its beak, it cannot feed on anything but your human seed, which must be milked from you. Every morning, you will feel your clothes slide off and a damp weight on your lower half. The sensation will creep up your body until most of the jiggly mass has enveloped the entire length of your by-then erect penis. The cephalopod will start pumping as fast as it can, for it is hungry. The beast will gyrate its empty stomach and the folds of its brain, rubbing on your glans and begging for nutrition. Soon, you will climax and give the mollusk its breakfast. The pumping will slow down but not stop, as the octopus will work to milk the last few drops of its meal. As you gaze into its yellowy eyes, the mollusk will look back with a thousand-yard stare. This will be the octopus’ routine for the rest of its meals in the three-to-five years it has left on this god-forsaken planet.

2023-03-15 02:14:20 +0000 UTC

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