The First Losses Parts 1, 2, and 3

“Heh, dna-dehda, duh-dun dah” Samantha gurgled to herself happily on top of her changing mat. The skin of her thumb felt pruney to her tongue’s touch. She enclosed her lips tightly and sucked hard. The pressure made her lips buzz and pop.

“Bapa.” She concluded, her dumb far-away eyes looked enamored at the ceiling. She could visualize another world playing out. A soft plushie elephant skipped along with a hazy imaginary friend. Staring at them triggered intense pulses of warm silence inside her brain. Any thoughts initiated like a sputtering stalled engine.

Her diaper felt wet. She couldn’t formulate a memory of going voluntarily. In fact she couldn’t hold onto a thought for more than a couple seconds before it drifted away. The feeling of juicy mush between legs dominated her attention.  She wanted to feel more of it. She pressed her legs together so the warmth squished further between her legs. Like squeezing a saturated sponge, pee wrung out and leaked into the changing mat.

“…What am I doing?” She thought in a distorted digitized voice. She dunked her mind into a tub of cold water. She physically pulled herself up through the splash. She wiped drool off her left cheek. There was still about half of it left after a second swipe. She balled her fists then began rubbed her eyelids. Light tan swirled in the shape of her retinas. She opened her eyes and settled back into reality.

“No… damn no not again. Why did you buy another pack of diapers? I knew it was only going to encourage this. I’ve gone through one in the past… three weeks? No, I’ve gone through three in the past week. Ugh, and I’m so soaked again.” She thought, feeling sinking sadness. She grabbed a fistful of wet diaper.

“This is so much. How long was I out for?” She thought, then started feeling around for her phone. It wasn’t in the bed. She swung her legs around then pushed off. Her full diaper pendulumed into a drooped position. Eventually, she found her phone underneath the bed.

“6:23!? Fuck!” She yelled immediately. The last time she could remember looking at her phone was in the morning when she started getting ready for work. She glanced over at the closet. The pants she picked out for today were on the floor. She scanned her head across the floor, then stopped at the package of diapers next to the door. The top was torn open. The bag was half collapsed with the weight of a few diapers holding it up.

“Where are the rest?” She thought, her eyes darted to the small wire waste bin. It was partially collapsed from the crushing weight of three swollen dirty diapers stuffed into it. Four other used diapers laid flopped open around the bin.

“*GASP* NO!!” Samantha exclaimed; the shock made her hands go numb. She dropped her phone. It tumbled underneath the bed. Her legs went weak. She fell back onto the changing mat. The bottom of the thighs felt cold and wet. Samantha looked down, the changing mat and blankets were soaked.

“I’ve been here all day. I’ve been acting like a baby all day. Wh-what am I doing? I-I’m losing. I… I can’t stop it.” She thought.

“Help…. HELP!!!! SOMEBODY HEWP ME!!!” Samantha screamed, her pitch heightened after each word. Every muscle in her body felt shaky. It was impossible to hold herself up anymore. Her back compressed into the bed. Samantha felt it coming again. Babyish dribble started dominating her conscious thought. It was routine to let go. She didn’t fight it. Pleasureful bliss rippled her brainwaves. Her frown relaxed.

“I’m a baby more than I am an adult.” She thought, realizing that made her giggle. A wet tongue spilled out of her mouth. The stench of old poopy diaper wafted into her nostrils. The last words in Samantha’s head before it all went blank was ‘i know smell.

***

Mindy snickered to herself on the gutter outside her classroom building. She felt intense simple excitement bounce up and down. It pushed a few more giggles out of her. Her mind laid in the cottony dry padding between her legs.

“What if I peed in it before I even got to class.” She thought, excitement instantly lit up her skin. Tt seemed so silly, but oddly really funny at the same time. She wears a diaper for the first time since potty training, and not only wets it, but does so only fifteen minutes after putting it on.

“I hope my Mommy doesn’t find out I had an accident. LOL!” She cupped her mouth to stop the eruption of laughter that spilled out of her. She went with it, using that surge of funny energy to push her bladder. The pee ran up to the very edge of her urethera. Nothing came out. Decades of muscle memory instinctually held the wave back. Mindy focused pressure onto that pinpoint feeling. She pushed hard to break the barrier. She was rewarded with pee tipping over the wall. Her vagina felt pee splotch into the padding. It was warm and tickled.

Mindy looked at an oncoming figure in a dreamy haze. His weird look came into focus as he walked by. She recognized him as a classmate.

“Oh! Poopy, I gotta walk into class… Jeez haha, wetting a diaper is actually a lot of fun. Why did I stop wearing them in the first place?” She muttered, then danced on that idea in the back of her mind. She huddled up the steps to the ornate wooden door. She made her way through the marble hall, and to her classroom. The classroom was a large lecture hall. Stairs stepped down through the rows. Her pink frilly dress was rather short. It flashed peaks of her discolored diaper when she skipped down a step. Near the front, she shuffled through the row to her unassigned seat. Her padded butt compressed into the wooden chair. Her diaper was noticeably fuller than before.

“Did I just have an accident? Prshh haha!” She laughed, giggling loudly to herself. She wiggled side to side to feel it squelch. She pushed on her bladder again. Her diaper responded with bright warmth. “It’s okay, I’m not going to wear diapers all the time. At most I’ll wear them a few times a day.” She rationalized, though considering her words further. They suddenly seemed foreign.

“Wait, I don’t want to be in a diaper. Why am I wearing this? I said no more.” She said, the weight of her mistake hit. This wasn’t good. She looked at the clock above the board. There was three minutes until class, and the professor was already writing out notes.

“Alright let’s make this change quick.” She thought, suddenly standing up from the desk. She pulled the hem of her dress down immediately so no one could what she was wearing underneath. “So embarrassing…” She thought. “… What the fuck is wrong with me?”

She walked down the hallway to the public bathroom. She pushed it open and walked in. She grabbed the hem again, this time pulling it all the way up. She pinned it in place with her chin. Her gaze looked down at a diaper beginning to sag.

“Well… I might as well go ONE more time in it….” She reasoned, if she was going to have her fun what’s one more wetting? It would be a waste of a diaper to only go a little. She squatted. It was the easiest position she could get in to pee. With little natural resistance, Mindy was able to fully relax. She emotionally lifted with the rising level of saturation.

“Uhh…” someone said behind her. Mindy spun around; it was her project partner from class. She looked more confused than shocked. Mindy didn’t respond. She looked lost while releasing an apex flow of pee into her diaper. In a split second, the girl shook her head then immediately walked out the door.

“Oh no, everyone is gonna find out I wear diapers.” She thought, would that girl talk? She has a friend group she sits with. She’s undoubtedly walking over there right now to tell them. Mindy’s body clenched now that it was empty.

“Eeuuhh…..” Mindy groaned. She pulled back the tapes. First the top ones, then the bottom left tab. The diaper fell to the floor with the bottom right tape still attached. Mindy navigated her foot and sandal through the hole. She picked up the heavy diaper and tossed it into the open face trashcan.

“Alright, class and then I’m getting rid of all my diapers and pacifiers at home.” She thought, walking through the doorway and into the hall. “… And no accidents!” That thought lit a distant firework.

That warm feeling peaked in her seat thirty minutes later

***

“I’m home!” Carly’s mother yelled out. She didn’t hear her daughter respond. With a handful of groceries she peaked around the doorway into the living room. Carly sat criss-cross on the couch. She smiled and waved back. Her mother looked down to take off her shoes.

“What are you watching?” Her mother asked.

“Um just the news.” Carly said, she pressed the ‘Back’ button on the remote. The TV screen changed from Blues Clues to a news channel.

“More people in eastern Chile today reporting symptoms related to another possible viral outbreak. CDC experts haven’t raised any alarms saying we’re looking at another COVID level pandemic, but they’re quote: “taking the outbreak seriously.” So far infected people are experiencing mild cognitive impairments similar to COVID’s ‘Brain Fog,’ as well as fevers and chills. For more on this we turn to…” The anchorwoman said, but Carly’s mother started talking over it while she walked past the screen.

“Don’t listen to any of that bullshit, Carly. They’re not doing well talking about COVID anymore, so now they gotta hype up every disease that pops up. Did you know we discover hundreds of new diseases everyday? They’re all harmless.” She said, her gate slowed walking past Carly. The tension tipped her off. Then the smell confirmed it.

“Is there something you need to tell me?” She said sternly, Carly crumpled into a ball. She dug her face in.

“Carly, you’re too old for this. Did you have an accident? Don’t lie to me. I can smell you.” She said, then walked up to her daughter. She grabbed her arm and yanked to try opening her up.

“Eeey! Mom NO! I didn’t have an accident! I didn’t have another accident! You don’t have to LOOK!” She tried to plead. Her childish gaslighting attempt made it embarrassing.

“Move… MOVE- Yep. Yep. You pissed yourself. Ugh, God DAMMINT Carly it’s all over the couch! How did this happen? Huh? How did this happen? Get up. GET UP!” She screamed; she grabbed her daughter’s arms firmly. She ripped her off the couch. Carly stumbled to her feet. Her pants were drenched down the middle. Her mom pointed at them aghast.

“You’re in a PULL-UP, Carly. This is ridiculous. Look you peed right threw it. You peed so much you leaked right threw it. I can’t believe it. Are you ever going to try? I’m starting to give up. There better not be poop in there too. If you pooped yourself, then you can kiss those Pull-Ups goodbye.” Her mom said. She dropped the groceries on the kitchen table. She spun around then started walking toward the door again. Carly knew where she was trying to go.

“Nooo! Don’t buy diapies! I’ll be good, Mommy! I’ll be good! I won’t have any more accidents! I can be a big girl! I’m a big girl, Mommy! Mommyyy!” She whined desperately, but her mother didn’t listen to her. The emotional control was way too much for the 28-year old lawyer, she started crying.

“I don’t care.” She said, pushing her to the side. “I’m done. I’m going back to the store and buying you diapers. I told you this was your last chance. Ugh, I knew I should have just picked them up when I was there.” She said as she grabbed her key. Carly started crying louder to voice her displeasure. Snot bubbled out of her nose as she pulled down her wet pants.

“Wait. Carly. Are you still going!?” She yelled, pointing at the dark stain rolling down her leg. Carly nodded then whimpered ‘yes’. Another wave of tears and snot shot out of her. Her mother closed the front door.

“Go, GO! GO TO THE BATHROOM!” Her mother said, walking up to hurry her. Carly whaled as she ran, trying desperately to stop the flow. It didn’t matter. She was done peeing by the time her mom yanked the jeans down. She couldn’t defend her pants, or the huge smelly mess caked into her Goodnights.