Serenity Chapter 2

“Um…. Kelly?” Amy spoke through the sound of crickets chirping and Kelly’s slurping.

“*Pop* Hrmr?” Kelly said in a wet murmur.

“Can you, um… stop sucking so loud? It’s a little hard to sleep when you do that.” Amy said in a lightly irritated tone.

“Urm? Uhrm…. I needa da pops pops….” She said back, nearly incoherently. Her words were slurred and difficult to understand.

Amy didn’t respond to Kelly’s gibberish at first. Instead, she felt herself breathe out a heavy sigh. A second later, the sound of slurping and soft babbling played again over the crickets.

“Ugh!” Amy said, grabbing her pillow and pushing it closer into her ears. “She’s been non-verbal like this ever since we got back from the lodge…. What the hell is wrong with her? She wasn’t this bad in the morning.” Amy thought, feeling irritation easily surface to her being. She normally had all the patience in the world for people with special needs. However, when it was 10 PM after a long first day, her threshold for Kelly was exceedingly low.

Amy let her force on the pillow dissipate, the sides flopping back into place. The extra stuffing did very little to stop the sounds of Kelly from entering her ears. Accepting her defeat with grace, Amy shuffled her weight to lay on her back. Her eyes gazed up at the dark wooden ceiling.

“What the hell am I doing here…” Amy thought to herself, “This is just so… strange! The website didn’t mention anything about wearing pull-ups.” She thought, feeling her hand snake down in between her pajama pants. Her fingertips gently scratched at the edge of her protective padding. She hadn’t worn a pair of pull-ups to bed since she was a little kid. Here she was again, wearing the same underwear she wore when she was a bedwetter. “I’ve never heard of therapy that like this. Let alone how encouraging they are to dive in headfirst with it. There’s no grace period. Look at Kelly over here.” Amy thought, feeling her head fall to the side. Her eyes gazed at her adult baby roommate. Happily sucking on her pacifier and strapped into a light blue onesie. It was impossible not to notice the thick diaper bulge around her crotch.

“It’s only the first day.” Amy reasoned, pulling her neck back up to the ceiling. “And, I guess it wasn’t all bad. The snack time was fun. Everyone was super nice and bubbly. I felt like I was part of the gang.” She pondered, thinking back to her time in the lodge. “And I did fall asleep during the video. If I had stayed up during it, maybe I would have learned something.” She thought, feeling her eyelids get heavier.

“Maybe tomorrow will be different. I just need to keep an open mind about everything. *Yawn*…. Hhuuah…” She said, feeling her mind being to slow as she shuffled into a comfortable spot. “Trust the process. These people are medical professionals…. They…. Know what they’re doing….” Amy thought, as her thoughts grew quieter.

“Keep an open mind, Amy.” She reminded herself. A mantra she found herself repeating often today.

“Keep…. An open….” She thought, as her mind glided into lighter thoughts. Her eyes lids closed. The sound of a soothing rhythmic pacifier gently wafted her to sleep.

***

“Good morning girls!” a piercing voice sung out from the front door. Straining sunlight suddenly poured into Amy’s blurry vision.

“Ughh…” Amy groaned groggily. The sudden wake-up call forced Amy’s mind to barely surfaced from a deep slumber. Her hand moved up from the blankets to block the burning sunlight. “Five mo-more min’ uts…” Amy muttered to the voice.

“Come on, girls! It’s already 11 A.M. And it’s time for morning activities! You two slept right past breakfast. That’s okay though, I have yogurt and bananas for both of you. I bet your little tummies are rumbling!” The counselor said happily. Amy’s eyes shot open in surprise.

“11 A.M. ?! I haven’t slept that long in years! I-I must have been exhausted.” Amy reasoned but still felt unresolved at that excuse.

Kelly had barely moved from her slumber. The counselor had to move across the cabin to the sleeping girl.

“Come on, Kelly! Wakey-wakey! It’s time to start you day. You can’t be a sleepy head all day long.” She said, walking over and gently shaking the girl awake.

“Hrmrf! Me no wanna wake up!” Kelly said, her words shrill and sharp. The counselor slipped her fingers in between Kelly’s onesie.

“You did quite the number on your overnight diaper, Kelly. I’m not sure this can take one more drop! You’ve become quite the bedwetter, haven’t you? I’m so proud of you!” The counselor said. Amy cocked her head at that last sentence.

“…’ become the bedwetter’…. ‘I’m so proud’…? What the hell? What’s that all about?” Amy thought quizzically. She didn’t have long to think about it before the counselor turned to her.

“How about you? Did you stay dry through the night, Amy?” She asked.

“Let me check-” Amy said automatically at first, before catching herself. She shook her head, “Wait, no. Of course, I’m dry. I don’t wet the bed!” She said matter-of-factly to the counselor.

“Great job, Amy! Here, that certainly deserves a banana and yogurt cup!” The counselor said. She unslung a backpack from her shoulder. She unzipped the front pocket and pulled out a banana and Danimals yogurt cup.

Amy didn’t expect the swell of pride that suddenly burst inside her chest from the counselor’s praise. Nor did she expect the rush of excitement she felt from the yummy-looking yogurt cup. Amy normally hated eating yogurt. She felt her cheeks flush red. Without looking too eager, she quickly extended her hand out for the food while simultaneously pushing down her oddly sporadic emotions.

“Amy if you’re dry, can you get dressed and eat that at the same time? I know that’s a lot, but outside sessions start in fifteen minutes. We don’t want you to be late! I can take care of Kelly if you can do that for me.” The counselor said, easily assuming the director role. Amy nodded her head and hopped off the bed.

“Yeah, I can do that.” She said, peeling her banana while she walked to her drawers of clothes. “Do I need to wear anything specific?” She asked.

“Anything that feels comfortable with your pull-up.” She said quickly while unbuttoning Kelly’s onesie. Amy felt another pang of embarrassment bolt through her. It sounded like an adult talking to a toddler. Still, she decided not to fight the comment and just let it slide.

Amy changed into a pair of jean shorts and a yellow spaghetti band tank top. She reasoned that if she was going to be outside, then she might as well be in something that’ll keep her cool. It felt weird changing in front of the counselor, especially once she was stripped down to her bra and pull-up, but she far too engrossed in changing Kelly’s diaper to look behind her. Amy quickly finished changing before slipping on her sneakers. She walked up toward the door and looked back at the counselor.

“Where am I supposed to go again?” Amy asked.

“Right across the road from this cabin! The big field below the lodge. You’ll see everyone out there. You can’t miss it!” She said, pointing out the window.

“Okay, thank you Ms.” Amy said, before twisting the knob. She pushed the door open and walked out into the warm humid summer air.

“I haven't 'played' outside in a long time.” Amy thought to herself, “I played kickball during recess once in 6th grade, but I was so clumsy I could barely hit the ball.” She thought, as her legs swayed side to side. “Let’s hope I can at least do better than that.”

***

“Who here doesn’t know the rules of soccer?” One of the counselors shouted out to the group. Amy looked around to see if anyone would raise their hands. Out of their small group of fifteen, no one did. The counselor nodded and started spinning the ball in his hand. “Good! And if there are any of you too nervous to speak up, basically you kick the ball into the other team’s net. Don’t use your hands, and that’s it. Okay! I’m gonna split this group in half here!” He said, performing a karate chop motion. “OUCH!” He yelled out, before pausing, anticipating a laugh.

“Tough crowd…” He muttered, “Anyways, one last thing. Do not kick the ball toward the speakers around the pitch. We thought it’d be fun for you guys to have some music while you play. So, make extra sure you keep the ball in-bounds!” He said, motioning toward the line of amplifiers around each side of the field. They were mounted on top of free-standing stands. It wasn’t the size of the amplifiers that puzzled Amy, it was the number of them. There were roughly ten on each side. Far more than were necessary to simply play music.

“Meet with your teams for a few minutes to figure out positions, then we’ll start the game. Remember, no fighting with the Refs, and have fun!” He said happily to the two teams. The group of counselors began walking away from the group a moment later. Amy watched as they all pulled what looked like blue pieces of foam out of their pockets. One by one they each stuffed the foam substance into their ears.

“Is the music going to play that loud?” Amy thought to herself, if that were the case, she might want to get a pair of her own. She didn’t have too long to think about it. A tap on the shoulder caused her to spin around.

“Have you played this before?” The self-proclaimed ‘team captain’ asked Amy. Amy had of course played soccer before in her youth, but it had been a long time.

“Yeah once or twice in elementary school.” She said meekly.

“Defense then?” The captain said, Amy, shrugged before nodding.

“Sure?” She said, still not entirely sure why she had to play this game in the first place. How was soccer supposed to help her deal with mental illness? Her patience with this place was starting to wear a little thin. Amy disliked team sports of any kind. Forcing herself to play this game was the last thing she wanted to do on a hot summer day. Let alone doing it in a pull-up. Which she could tell by the waistbands of everyone else that they were wearing ones too. It was only the second day, but it was all getting too much for Amy.

“Ready!?” The counselor yelled out from the sideline. He and the rest of the counselor group were behind a wooden desk with a soundboard resting on top.

“Ready!” Amy’s team captain yelled back. “Come on, let's do this guys!” He said to the team, before motioning onto the pitch. Amy followed their lead as they trotted onto the field.

The counselor threw the ball into the air, indicating the teams to begin playing. Amy positioned herself on the left side of the field near her goal post. A moment after the ball left the counselor’s hands, a low sound began emanating from the amplifiers. The tone caused Amy’s ears to perk up. The low bass-like felt like it rolled through Amy’s eardrums and into her skull.

The sounds were disorienting. Amy had experienced sounds that vibrated her chest before. She was no stranger to a good headbanger in the car. But this one felt different. It was as if that same low vibrating sensation was washing through her head. It nearly disoriented Amy. She placed her hands on her head.

“What is this… I’ve never felt music like this before. It’s like…. It’s making me…. Ugh, it’s hard to focus when it vibrates like that. Why are they, playing this?” Amy wondered, trying to keep her thoughts straight from the music. It was difficult, to say the least. She looked up to see if anyone else was experiencing this problem. Sure enough, the game seemed to be moving along at a snail’s pace. If the ball was in their immediate area, the play moved forward. However, everyone far away from the action looked just as confused as Amy.

“Hey! Can…. Can you guys…. Make the music not…. Not as funny fuzzy!” Amy yelled out, her voice was easily drowned out by the noise though. Each passing second it felt like the bass grew louder. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep her thoughts organized. Every time Amy felt an idea formulate in her mind, it was as if the vibrations distorted it. The images in her mind would shake and vibrate on their own. They’d rumble until they became too crumbly to see clearly, they inevitably slipped into the back of her mind. When she tried raising those thoughts back into the forefront of her brain, they’d feel warped and bent at best. It was incredibly confusing to hold onto anything.

“I… Music makes head, think I’m where to… Hey! Can you…. Turn…. Turn to…. To me…. Turn To me the ball… can you turn…. Can you ball….. can you….. can you pass the ball?!?” Amy felt her mouth yell out. She was trying to articulate something, but what was it again? Everything felt too difficult to hold onto. It was so much easier to let thoughts come and go. In fact, it felt kind of nice. Holding onto pictures and thoughts was causing a lot of pain in Amy’s brain. It felt better to simply stop trying at all.

Amy’s legs were already moving. Suddenly she found herself right in the thick of the play. She didn’t quite remember how she got there, but the ball was right in front of her!

“I gotta hit the ball! Pass me ball!” Amy yelled out, she was in the front of the other goal now. She had run so fast to get over there. She could feel her heart was pumping through her chest. It was a rush, unlike anything she’d felt in months. She felt alive.

“Take da ball!!” One of Amy’s teammates yelled out, before kicking the ball over to her. Amy couldn’t stop her mind from lighting up in happiness. The ball had finally come her way! This was exactly what she was here for.

“YES! Me got ball! I got the ball!!” She yelled out, feeling the music still drifting through her mind. She told her leg to kick at the ball as it rolled past her. Coordinating the kick was far too difficult to perform in her head at this point, but that didn’t stop her. Amy wildly kicked her leg at the ball.

It might have worked, had Amy been on the right side of the field.

Alone on her side of the field, Amy’s random wild kick caused her to lose what little balance she had left. She felt herself falling. Her padded butt landed on the warm soft grass. She felt the impact up in her brain, as her intelligence also came crashing down. The warm rumbling music had melted into the softest music Amy had ever heard in her life. It was addicting. Like fluffy cotton candy growing in her brain. Each note ripped a hand full of brain cells out from her mind.

Back in reality, Amy lazily watched as the goalie wobbled over to her.

“You needa…. Needa…. Da… hewp?!” The boy’s voice said to Amy.

“Hahaha! You’s tawkin’ like… um…” Amy tried to find the words. She knew what she had to say. The word was right there on the tip of her lips. She wanted to say ‘baby.’ But forming a word even as complex as that was getting too difficult. So she used a shortcut instead: “….soun-ds like…. Um….. ME!” Amy yelled, feeling content. Those two were basically the same thing in her mind. She started clapping her hands together. Her fingers were like little ragdolls while she smashed them together.

Amy’s mind quickly let go of that social situation. She felt herself ride the next wave of babyish dribble in her brain. Her head felt heavy. She giggled as gravity slowly pulled her head to the side. Her neck was completely cocked to one side after a few seconds. All the muscles in her head felt difficult to control. Her face slowly started drooping toward the ground.

“..Wet….” She lazily thought. Something on her face felt wet. She could tell it was around her lips, but she wasn’t completely sure. It was hard to make sense of any sensation around her mouth. There was no way for her to know that drool had started spill out the side and front of her bottom lip. It didn’t help that she liked the cool sensation on this hot day. Her tongue subconsciously started shoveling puddles of drool out her mouth. A waterfall of drool poured from her mouth and onto her tank top. Her left breast slowly became covered in her spit.

Amy felt her thoughts become uncontrollable. They drifted into territories she hadn’t thought of in decades. She felt her mind think of protection. The deep need to feel protected from herself, from actions she couldn’t control. The soft embrace of padding. The feeling of soft diapers wrapping around her body. They protected her. She didn’t want to be unsafe. She needed diapers to be safe from herself. From actions in her body, she couldn’t control. Actions she never learned to control.

“pah… pe-“ Amy babbled, feeling a warm leaky sensation spill out in between her shorts.

“I! What?!” Amy said suddenly, her body subconsciously clamping down onto the light trickle of pee that had sneaked its way into her pull-up. It sent a shockwave of life back into Amy’s brain. She quickly hopped up from the ground as she desperately pulled her mind back into earth. She swung her legs around one another to cross them. Her hands shot to the center of her crotch. The weight of her bladder felt unbearable.

“Did I just?!... I just went pee pee?!?” Amy said, looking up for help. She was mere moments away from another wave of pee gushing into her pull-up. She had to act immediately. She swiveled her head up to the lodge. Her mind recalled yesterday when the counselor brought her outside to the latrine. She wasn’t too far away. All she had to do was bound up the hill and she was practically there.

Her legs started running. There wasn’t any time to think about the decision. She was about to have another accident, with even more on the horizon. Her body felt clunky as she ran past the speakers. Her legs felt like lead rods, and her feet were hard bricks. Each step looked awkward, as though she had just learned how to run. Both of Amy’s hands were clamped firmly around her pull-up to try and stop any more pee from gushing into her pull-up. The small circle of mushy pull-up pressed against her body was yet another alarm bell signaling she was nearing the end of her physical control.

The music quieted as she made her way up the hill. She was nearly a quarter away from the top before she heard a voice call out from below.

“Amy! Little one! Where are you going?! Your friends still need you!” A counselor yelled from the bottom of the hill. Amy didn’t look back, she had to keep going. If she stopped for even a second, it was more than likely she would start peeing again. She moved faster, and eventually crested over the hill.

“Don’t pee, don’t pee, bathroom, get to the bathroom, don’t pee, don’t pee….” Amy repeated endlessly in her head. “Don’t….. erm!” She thought, feeling a couple of drops escape into her pull-up. Amy had to stop immediately and devote her entire focus to not peeing herself anymore. Her willpower barely allowed her to regain control. The pause was long enough for the counselor to catch up. Amy felt a hand tug her around.

“Hey! Where are ya goin’? The game is still going on!” The counselor said with a beaming smile. She could tell what was going on from Amy’s strained face and pee-pee dance. She cocked her head, “Why are you trying to hold it? That’s what your pull-up is for, remember? You can just go pee-pee, Amy.” The counselor said. The words vibrated and reverberated through her skull. Amy's mind felt swimmy for a moment. She closed her eyes.

“Just… pee-pee….” She whispered, her brain felt hazy again. A warm oasis instantly pooled in between her pants. The sweet ecstasy of relief washed over her.

“EEP!” Amy squeaked; her adult mind whisked back into reality as her subconscious took over again. Her body clenched back down, but she knew this was the last time it would. Her head shot around toward her goal. The steps to the bathroom were less than twenty feet away. In final desperation, Amy broke out in an all-out sprint to the toilet.

Her control wavered as she made the distance. Each compression of her foot caused tiny spurts of pee to jet into her pull-up. Whether Amy wanted to or not, she couldn’t stop herself from any accidents at this point.

Her sweaty hands gripped the doorknob. She twisted it and opened the door instantaneously. She slammed it behind her and started taking off her pants. She was dribbling uncontrollably into her pull-up, even as she pulled it down. Drops of pee fell on the floor before her butt finally felt the arctic touch of the toilet seat.

“Ahhhh my GODDD!!!” Amy yelled out in relief, as the fire hydrant of pee gushed out of her. Her head fell into her shaking hands. The pain from her maxed-out bladder flew into the toilet.

Her bladder dumped continuously into the toilet. Amy expected it to be a while before she was empty again. In reality, though, it didn’t take all that long. It was only roughly ten seconds of peeing before the stream slowly tapered off.

And the reason for that was staring Amy directly in the face.

Her pull-up was wet. It wasn’t full, but it certainly wasn’t dry. A good chunk of her full bladder had ended up in her pull-up on her way to the bathroom, making it roughly half used.

Amy felt extreme embarrassment fall through her chest. She lifted her head back up and looked around the walls of the bathroom. At that moment, she realized that she was right back where she was yesterday. Except for this time, there were two key differences. Her pull-up was a lot wetter.

And she oddly wished she’d just gone completely in her pull-up instead of torturing herself like that.