Chapter 13: I Will Never Date You!

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Waiting for my younger sister is a little awkward.

What did Siwoo and I usually do when we met?

Let's see... we probably played games, watched movies, watched dramas, stuff like that. We'd only lived together for about two weeks, but that's how we spent our time.

Originally, I was planning to clear out of the apartment on weekends if Siwoo got a girlfriend. Strictly speaking, I wasn't someone who particularly needed the apartment. It would be better for me to just go back to my place in Seoul than for Siwoo to go to Busan every weekend.

But, in those two weeks, we didn't end up doing that.

On Friday evenings, we'd get excited and have fun. We'd come home, laze around, watch anime, and play games together.

Now that I'm like this, I can't even think about doing those things.

"Is living alone... okay for you?"

I wondered if I should say something, so I said the first thing that came to mind.

"I did almost all the dishes, though."

Neither Siwoo nor I are the type to just leave things messy, but I especially disliked seeing dirty dishes in the sink. I tried to wash them right after meals whenever possible.

Siwoo would clean the room or empty the trash instead... I don't know what would have happened if we'd continued living together, but at least we didn't have any conflicts in those two weeks.

"No, I do the dishes too, you know."

Siwoo shook his head, looking dumbfounded.

"You just grabbed them first. Do you even empty the trash at home?"

"I do. I have to, or I'll get nagged."

Of course, I hadn't done it in the past few days. Come to think of it, I hadn't done any housework properly. While I was in my room, Dad, Mom, and my younger sister did it.

.......

Maybe being in the hospital just became a habit. The hospital took care of everything even if I just stayed still.

Now that I think about it, I should start doing housework little by little again from tomorrow. I'll be stuck at home until I go back to school anyway.

...Stuck at home, huh.

Then does that mean I'll be living somewhere else when I go to school? How do I want to live? I live in the same city anyway, so there's no point in living alone.

"Why did you suddenly get so quiet?"

"Ah, just thinking about something. What happened to my stuff after I collapsed?"

"It was there for about a month."

"A month?"

"I guess everyone was too preoccupied. Your whole family."

I guess so.

Well, it wasn't a disease that would kill me, but at least from the outside, it looked like I could die at any moment.

And it was a place where hospitalization was required for at least six months.

"Then they came to get it later. But it was just clothes, so it was quick."

"I see."

"......"

Siwoo stared at me intently before opening his mouth.

"You, be good to Yiseul."

"Huh?"

I blinked.

"Why? Did she do something?"

"No, just... just."

Siwoo scratched his cheek.

"...Do you like her?"

"No. It's not like that."

Judging by how firmly he answered, it doesn't seem like it.

Logically speaking, he probably saw her worrying about me. We fought every time, but she's an emotional kid. She'd probably cry her eyes out if anyone in our family died. That includes me too.

"...Haa."

I sighed deeply.

"What?"

What should I say? Siwoo asked, but I have no idea where to start. I don't even know if Siwoo can relate to what I'm saying.

Since I'm staying still, my stomach feels a little queasy again. My mind is working okay, but I might still be a little drunk.

"Have you ever thought about it?"

I asked.

"Thought about what?"

"Marriage."

"...Marriage?"

"Yeah. I don't have a girlfriend now, and I don't know if I ever will, but just vaguely. Building a family, becoming the head of the household, that kind of thing."

"Ah. I've thought about it."

Siwoo answered and handed me another banana milk. I waved my hand to decline. Honestly, I think it's better to just endure a few hours on an empty stomach than to eat anything now.

"It's a little scary, but I want to be like that someday, you know? Have a son and a daughter, and live happily ever after if possible."

"Wouldn't anyone imagine that?"

"I used to imagine it too."

I scratched my head.

This is strange. I was trying not to talk about this if possible.

I guess I was a little conscious of other people's opinions. Not just the kids at our school, but I was worried that people around us would look at us strangely if they knew who I was.

"Marrying someone incredibly pretty and kind, having kids, and living well."

There are stories about divorce and stuff, but there's no reason to include that in the imagination in the first place, right?

"But now I can't do that anymore."

"......"

Siwoo fell silent.

"Hey, it's not a serious topic."

It's a little weird to say that now that I've said all this, but it's not really a serious story.

It's just, that's how it turned out.

"Why, you can date women, too."

Siwoo said after thinking for a moment.

"Yeah, I can date women, too."

I nodded.

I probably can't get married, though? Unless the law is revised. Even if I get married, it'll be hard to have a child with that person. There's no such technology yet. I'd have to adopt, or have me or that person receive donated sperm for artificial insemination.

That's... not bad. It's just, well... yeah. It's a future that's too different from what I imagined, not at all abstract, and feels too concrete.

And can I even date a woman properly now? Will the other person understand who I am?

My head keeps getting tangled, but paradoxically, I feel strangely relieved. I could talk about things I'd be self-conscious about here without any problem.

"Sorry."

"Is apologizing your habit when you're drunk?"

I apologized to Siwoo without even saying why I was sorry.

I don't know, it's just.

I feel like I'm just unilaterally pouring out my thoughts to Siwoo. No, I actually am. I keep asking strange questions that are hard to answer properly, and I say them without thinking, but Siwoo keeps bringing up things that he has to carefully consider every time he answers.

"......"

Silence again.

Just when the silence started to feel a little uncomfortable, Siwoo opened his mouth.

"Hey, Kim Ihyun."

"Yeah?"

"If you have any worries, just tell me."

"......"

"Do you think I'd tell you to get lost because I don't want to listen to that kind of thing? How many years have we known each other?"

"I guess so?"

"Yeah. You, too..."

Siwoo paused for a moment before speaking.

"You listened to my worries and stuff, too."

"I did?"

"Yeah. So if you just want to say something casually, it's okay to say it. I know you wouldn't say anything weird, either."

"......"

"Right?"

Hearing that makes me feel a little better. And at the same time, a little complicated.

Is it okay to keep relying on him? Or should I...

But before I could finish my thought, there was a loud knocking on the door.

"Hey, Kim Ihyun!"

Yiseul's voice echoed loudly from the hallway.

"......"

I ran a hand over my face. Siwoo smiled and got up from his seat.

Siwoo walked out, and the door clicked open.

"Is Kim Ihyun inside?"

"Yeah. She's here."

I heard the sound of shoes being thrown off, and the sound of footsteps approaching the room.

My younger sister suddenly came in from the kitchen and looked down at me.

"......"

I could feel the anger on her face, who was glaring at me, subsiding a little.

"What, you're still okay?"

"She's a little more sober now that some time has passed."

Yiseul took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"You start drinking as soon as you get out of the hospital?"

"No, it's been a few days, though."

"So that's as soon as you get out."

There seems to be a pretty big gap in our concepts of time.

"Well, I thought I was about the same size, so I thought I could drink the same amount."

"The same size? Did you get heavier than when you were a man?"

"My weight isn't that much different."

My younger sister laughed in disbelief.

And stared intently at a certain part of my body.

"......What?"

"No, nothing. Let's go. Can you walk?"

Yiseul said that, so I got up from my seat. And then I staggered just a little.

My mind is awake, but this time I seem to have a problem with my sense of balance.

"Aigo, you're doing all sorts of things."

My younger sibling said that and grabbed my arm tightly.

It's a little unfamiliar.

I didn't think I'd be talking about alcohol with my younger sibling. The last time I talked to my younger sibling, she was still in high school.

"We're leaving. Thanks. For bringing her."

"Well, I had no choice."

"Bye."

As I was being half-dragged towards the front door, I waved my hand, and Siwoo followed us out and waved his hand as well.

"Yeah, go."

"See you next time."

"Yeah, next time."

The door opened, and we went out into the hallway, which was still a little chilly.

When I came out of the villa's entrance, the sky was already dark.

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