Chapter 9: I Will Never Date You!

Mutation (9)

It was nice meeting Siwoo.

He was still not awkward at all, and he accepted all my slightly weird jokes.

He hardly treated me roughly as he used to, but, well. I guess that's because it hasn't been long since I got out of the hospital.

The only problem was that we had met yesterday too.

Moreover, the place we are in now is exactly the same place we met yesterday.

There are so many stores, and if we wanted to go somewhere, there would be many places to go, but since the surrounding scenery was the same, it was hard to shake off the feeling of 'coming again.'

What was it like in the past?

Well, Siwoo was just a guy who lived in the same neighborhood as me in the first place. Whether the surroundings were the same or not, we didn't have a choice anyway.

Until middle and high school, I couldn't even think of going far away with friends to hang out.

"We ate chicken at your house, and we ate meat yesterday. What should we eat? Or rather, where should we hang out?"

"I don't know."

"Hey, you told me to come out. You choose."

When I tapped Siwoo's arm, Siwoo looked at me as if I was absurd.

Well, Siwoo probably called me out thinking of me.

It's the middle of the semester now. Although it's only one semester, I know because I went to university too. Even though I only took morning classes, I feel like everything in the world is annoying and depressing. I just want to go back to my studio and sleep.

"……."

Thinking that far, I felt less like joking around. When I suddenly awkwardly withdrew my hand, Siwoo put a question mark over his head, but I grabbed Siwoo's arm and pulled him.

"Hey, then, let's go somewhere else. Somewhere else."

"Somewhere else? Where?"

"I don't know. Somewhere in Gangnam? I've hardly been there."

Although I say Gangnam, I'm not talking about Gangnam-gu, but 'south of the Han River.' Me and the kids around me all used to say it that way.

Considering that I thought Siwoo might be tired just a little while ago, it might be a very annoying thing to say, but I'm being considerate in my own way.

The last time Siwoo came to see me, he had to wait quite a while. Although we meet in the middle, Siwoo is much farther away from the point of crossing the Han River.

If the meeting place was Yongsan, it would be different, but if it's Jongno, Siwoo is much farther away.

So, wouldn't it be easier for Siwoo to go back if we hang out somewhere close to our place and then part ways?

"……."

Siwoo just blinked and looked at me, then just followed me. I don't know if he likes it or not.

Did I do something unnecessary?

Or rather, why am I so conscious when I meet a friend?

*

"Well, I was thinking it might be nice to go near the school after a long time."

Feeling embarrassed for no reason in the subway, I chattered on and on.

"That's a bit, well, yeah."

"What's wrong with that?"

Siwoo said as if he really didn't know.

"Anyway, no one recognizes you."

"The fact that no one recognizes me is a bit more, yeah."

"Is that so?"

This too, well.

I think I'm being considerate of Siwoo in my own way...

So, that's it.

It doesn't matter if there are a lot of kids who know me. If classmates see me and Siwoo and are curious, I can quickly shout 'I'm Ihyun!' Everyone knows I had that disease, and they know how comfortably Siwoo and I get along. They also know we lived together.

They'll understand and move on right away.

But if it's kids who don't know about my relationship with Siwoo, they'll definitely misunderstand strangely.

It's not strange for college students to hang out. Even if a girl has a boyfriend or a guy has a girlfriend, they don't misunderstand if close Hubae walk together for a while.

But still, I was somehow scared of that. I was afraid that people who don't know about us would treat us as 'weird kids' just by hearing the name of the disease I had.

"What's wrong?"

Siwoo spoke to me, who was blankly lost in thought.

"Is there anything you're worried about?"

"Ah, it's not that, yeah. So... let's go somewhere we've never been before. Even though we live in Seoul, there are a lot of places we haven't been to, even though they're pretty famous streets."

"Well, there's nothing I can't do if you want to go."

"Then I'll look it up. If I search for a downtown area..."

I said, taking out my smartphone, but I couldn't finish the sentence.

The time I glimpsed on my smartphone was 6:15 PM.

Considering that Siwoo said he came after class, it could be said that it's the time when other office workers are just about to leave work.

Perhaps there were many offices at the station we were passing by, as soon as the train doors opened, people exhausted from fatigue rushed in.

"Ugh!?"

Siwoo, who was off guard, was suddenly pushed in the back and came closer to me.

There is about a 20-centimeter height difference between Siwoo and me. If the two of us stand close together—

Yeah. My eye level is somewhere between Siwoo's collarbone and neck.

I should say it's fortunate. Because we got stuck together while I was raising my smartphone, my chest didn't directly touch Siwoo. No, maybe the part that stuck out a little next to my arm touched, but it probably wouldn't feel like much.

...Right?

"S-Sorry."

"No, why are you apologizing?"

Siwoo replied softly to my words.

Even though there were so many people, there was hardly any noise in the subway. Everyone kept their mouths shut and blocked their ears with earphones.

The vibration of the train felt from the door I was leaning on, and the sound of the train wheels running on the steel rails.

"……."

I thanked my younger sister in my heart.

If I had forgotten to wear underwear again today, it would have been dangerous in many ways.

I'm okay. This body is my body anyway, and I'm not worried about touching a man a little. Especially if it's a friend.

But Siwoo will be different.

Wouldn't he feel bad? Even if it's a woman's body, the contents are a childhood friend. He might feel like a guy is rubbing his chest against him.

It would be unpleasant for his nose to be almost touching my body. Definitely. I would be.

While my head was tangled with worries, the train stopped at the next station. I think I heard the announcement, but I didn't hear it properly because I was trying to stick to the door and avoid Siwoo. The thought of searching for a downtown area was also not easy because of my arm stuck between Siwoo and my chest.

If I lowered my head even a little, it would look like I was burying my face in Siwoo's chest.

The train doors finally opened, and I could see that Siwoo's hands, which were holding both sides of my head, were also strained. Just when I was about to take a breath after we were barely separated.

I heard grumbling and annoyed screams from among the people.

"!?"

And, Siwoo's arm couldn't hold on and collapsed.

It was closer than before.

Unfortunately, I lowered my arm slightly while taking a breath, and our bodies were more clearly attached.

"S-Sorry."

This time, Siwoo apologized first.

"N, no, it's not something you should apologize for."

I stammered.

I think I had been feeling it clearly until now. Trying on bras that I would never wear in my life, worrying about whether to grow my hair or not. The way my younger sister treats me and the way my parents treat me also changed. Even at the hospital, they repeatedly told me to be careful, be careful.

But even so, I had never felt it as intensely as I do now.

My body has changed. To the point where I can't deny it. Like someone else.

I can see a drop of sweat flowing from Siwoo's collarbone and neck, which are so close that my nose is almost touching them. He was holding on with his palms earlier, but now he's using almost his entire forearm to struggle.

His arm, which is straining to not touch me, is trembling.

"……S-Sorry."

"No, I mean, why are you apologizing?"

Siwoo's voice, saying that, also had a little strength in it, so it sounded a little angry.

...Consideration my ass.

I'm just stepping on landmines for no reason.

All I could do was stand on tiptoe as much as possible and lean against the door.

The train slowly stops. I heard voices complaining again from among the people. The train stopped a little roughly, and Siwoo and my bodies shook greatly.

Siwoo's body eventually collapsed towards me—

"……Ah!"

I felt the door I was leaning on open.

Unfortunately, I was leaning on it with all my might to get away from Siwoo, so as soon as the door opened, my body fell backward.

Ah, damn it.

I tried to step and somehow regain my balance, but the heel of my shoe got caught in the gap between the train and the door. The speed at which my body fell backward increased—

Siwoo grabbed my hand, which I was frantically reaching out, firmly.

And pulled me towards him. His other hand touched my waist, and my body turned sideways. And— Siwoo was in front of me again.

I was somehow leaning against the screen door. One arm was still firmly held by Siwoo.

Ah.

Was Siwoo's arm strength this strong?

That was the only thought I could have at that time.

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