Chapter 23: Inevitably, the Heroine

I Hate the Club (4)

"...Thank you."

How many times have I wiped away Xenon's tears today? Thinking that, I took my hand away from Xenon's face. Now seemingly relieved, Xenon smiled at me with a much better expression than before.

"Hey, do you always cry that easily?"

Like back in District A, and now again. I didn't know he was such an emotional guy. When I asked jokingly, he waved his hands and strongly denied it. He insisted he didn't cry and questioned what I was talking about, so I showed him the wetness on my hand, and only then did he shut his mouth.

"Anyway, go on ahead. I have somewhere to go."

"Where?"

...Do I really have to say out loud that I'm going to the bathroom? Giving him a slight glare with that meaning, he finally seemed to catch on, awkwardly laughing and scratching his head.

"Okay, I'll go first then."

"Yeah, hurry up."

I waved to him as he turned around and glanced back at me, waiting for him to disappear from sight. The moment he turned the corner and completely vanished—

"Ugh...!"

Unable to even scream inside the building, I was practically having a silent tantrum. No matter how much I understand him, what I just did was... so embarrassing. Anyone would think I was his girlfriend. No matter how I look at it, there were so many problems with my actions just now. Grabbing his face to make eye contact—wiping away his tears...

Thump, thump—

After pounding my chest and stomping my feet for a moment, I felt the surrounding temperature slowly dropping due to my heightened emotions, and I slowly took a deep breath. My head is throbbing. I frowned at the pain that didn't disappear even when I pressed hard on my temples, regretting what I had done.

I should have treated him differently. Seeing his blatant anxiety, I couldn't help but act that way.

"Haa..."

Even I think this is a flag. I thought I was being careful, but it feels like I've become lax again, sending shivers down my spine.

"Let's be careful..."

Because I still can't accept becoming a heroine. Being just friends is enough.

#

-It's your fault.

-I got hurt because of you.

-...You're the problem, Xenon.

Words I've heard so many times they're practically ingrained in my ears, people blaming me for everything, avoiding their own mistakes and shifting the blame onto me. At first, I ignored it, but after hearing it for years, a small doubt began to sprout in my heart.

What if people really are getting hurt and dying because of me?

[A teacher at a kindergarten died in a villain attack...]

[A fatal accident occurred during Ability use...]

A teacher who was especially kind to me died one day, and a friend who was close to me, who had said "See you tomorrow" just yesterday, stopped coming to school the next day.

No, that can't be. It's just an accident. Just as I was trying to reassure myself, someone close to me died again, and eventually...

...My mother passed away.

Someone gets hurt because of me. Thanks to that thought that dominated my childhood, I deliberately distanced myself from people. Just keeping a low profile, trying not to stand out. So that no one would approach me. It was a thought that slowly faded over time, but it still had a huge impact on me, so I still think about it sometimes.

And when I saw Aisha get hurt, that thought resurfaced from the depths of my memory. Aisha getting hurt, being attacked by a villain. It's all my fault.

How much my heart ached when I saw the scar on her neck. But now I can't even distance myself. Hera Carmen told me to see her again with her own mouth. Now it's a foregone conclusion that she will be targeted.

Even while carrying her on my back, while supporting her as she staggered, while watching Aisha sleeping on my shoulder on the subway, the anxiety didn't easily disappear. Because Hera Carmen backed down so easily. It felt like something would happen that I didn't know about.

"...I'm anxious."

Even after taking her home and lying down, the anxiety didn't disappear. I clenched and unclenched my empty fists in the air several times. Even when I let out a silent scream with my head buried in the pillow, bad thoughts kept popping into my head, and I couldn't fall asleep.

"...Why am I like this?"

Surely, we're not anything special. No—she said what she said on the rooftop wasn't serious, so maybe we're just friends.

Smirk.

Seeing the corners of my mouth rising without me realizing it, I feel absurd again. Friends, something I used to avoid so much. This feeling that's boiling and overflowing in my heart is definitely joy, or rather, close to elation.

-You're the first.

-Carry me.

Even when I think of those meaningless words, I feel my face getting hot with the rising emotions. I have strange fantasies about a single word, I cherish the moments we're together, and furthermore, I see Aisha as a person, as a woman. As someone precious to me.

Suddenly, I remembered when we first met.

The way she stared at me and then backed away, the way she stopped me and Kaisar from fighting—the conversation we had in the infirmary, the way she came to wake me up when I was sleeping, the ridiculous situation where she seriously asked me to carry her on my back.

Hugging the blanket wrapped around my body, I was swayed by this unknown emotion for a moment. Soon, I realized what that emotion was.

"I... Aisha."

I like her.

#

The sky I saw when I opened my eyes was a clear sky that I probably hadn't seen many times in my life. Although the rain was pouring as if it would break the sky, and the humid air enveloped my body—the petals were falling and the floor was dirty. Even that looked beautiful, and I thought about what I had thought yesterday again.

I admitted that I liked Aisha.

...But what's next?

Sitting at the table with my chin resting on my hand, I was deep in thought. It must be because I've never experienced this next step before. I had no idea what to do or how to do it. No, could I even approach her as usual in the first place?

"It'd be better to talk to my father."

The moment I realized my feelings, it was almost impossible to act as usual. Should I just keep my mouth shut? What if I make a mistake? I struggled with those thoughts for a moment, then I remembered that today was the day I had to go to the academy.

Now I have to listen to the classes more diligently and take the exams more diligently. Aisha, whom I've watched for a month since entering the school, was close to being a top student. To get along with her, shouldn't I study a little too? Thinking that, I turned to find the clock to decide when to leave.

"The time..."

9 o'clock.

At that moment, I was running without even taking an umbrella. It was definitely 7 o'clock when I woke up, but was the moment I washed, changed, and thought so long?

Walking through the heavy rain, I cursed myself for being so pathetic. I had never been late before. Being late—I could picture Aisha sighing and being disappointed again. I even thought that look was pretty for a moment, then I saw someone holding an umbrella in the distance.

Flowing platinum blonde hair, the moment I saw that hair, I thought of Aisha. Is that proof that I'm seriously ill? I ran after the figure as if possessed for a moment, and at a distance where I could reach out my hand—I realized that the figure was Aisha.

...What should I do? Should I approach her, or just pass by? But if I just pass by, isn't this opportunity too precious to miss?

Forgetting that I was getting rained on, I followed her while worrying about that, and clenched my fist tightly. Just once, let's be brave. Barely calming my trembling body, I went to Aisha's side and opened my mouth, which wouldn't fall off.

"...Aisha."

The moment Aisha turned her head felt like an eternity, as if I was seeing a panorama. Why can't I hear an answer? After waiting for a long time, I met eyes that shone brilliantly even under the shaded umbrella.

"Xenon?"

"Um... can I share your umbrella?"

What did I just say? I think I said something, but I couldn't remember. Just making eye contact like this made my head go blank—I couldn't think properly.

Oops, before I knew it, the umbrella was handed to me, and before I knew it, Aisha and I were together under the space of the umbrella.

...Close.

I deliberately distanced myself, worried that she might hear my heart beating as if it would burst at any moment. My shoulder gets wet, but who cares? Carefully so as not to splash water on Aisha—I brought the umbrella closer to Aisha's side, pretending to be delicately unlike me.

They say that scents are better smelled on rainy days. As the saying goes, Aisha's shampoo scent was stronger than ever. The sweet cherry scent that made me feel dizzy, I deliberately took a deep breath, doing something that would horrify anyone who saw it, but I was just amazed at how good it was.

If I walk slowly, Aisha will walk slowly too. Thinking that, I slowed down my pace. I'm already late, so it doesn't matter if I'm a little later. Making excuses like that in my mind—I deliberately said anything, and I enjoyed this time.

"Hey, your shoulder."

Hearing Aisha's words, I suppressed the smile that I almost made for a moment, and barely opened my mouth.

"Huh? Oh, it's okay. As long as my head doesn't get wet."

I slightly avoided the gaze in Aisha's eyes, who was staring at me blankly. I couldn't make eye contact normally. After that, silence continued—

Swish—

Feeling the warm body temperature coming to my body, I was momentarily speechless and stared blankly at Aisha.

"...Aisha?"

"Your shoulder is getting wet. Just... stay like this."

With an indifferent expression, but with a look of pity as if she was worried about me. I felt my mind go blank at that moment.

I felt like I was going crazy.

...Because I was so happy.

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