Out of Control - Chapter 5

Note, this book will have adult themes and situations in it, and should be skipped if you do not want to read that.

The walk back to my dorm was the longest of my life. It was early in the morning and the campus was all but empty, which was good by me. I really didn’t feel like talking to anyone anyway, not after all that.

The moment I pushed open the door to my room, I beelined for my bed. No time for shoes off or anything else, I just face-planted onto the mattress, still fully clothed, barely noticing the form of Alex in his bed, already asleep. I barely even managed to get my phone plugged in, which I was almost religious about. The last thing I remember before passing out was the vague hope that it was all a dream, and I could try and start the next day over like it never happened.

When I finally peeled my eyes open again, the room was bathed in afternoon light. I blinked, disoriented, and fumbled for my phone. One thirty-seven PM. Shit. I’d slept all day.

I looked up and across the room. Empty. Alex was gone again. Not that I felt like talking to anyone.

I hauled myself up to sit on the edge of the bed, my head throbbing with each movement. As the fog of sleep cleared, everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours came crashing back. The fraternity trials. The stupid dare. The explosion.

Not that I’d expected my hope that it was all a dream would actually work.

“What the hell am I doing?” I muttered to the empty room.

This wasn’t how college was supposed to start. I was here on a scholarship, for crying out loud. My one shot to prove I belonged somewhere like Briarfield. And what had I done? Nearly blown up a physics lab because I was desperate to fit in with a bunch of frat guys.

I rubbed my face, feeling the stubble that had grown in since yesterday. Classes hadn’t even started yet, and there was already a chance I might get expelled. How was I supposed to explain this to my parents? To the college? To myself?

I looked down at my phone. I should call them, right? Better they hear it from me than get some official notification about their idiot son nearly blowing himself up.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I hit the call button next to “Mom.” The phone rang once, twice, three times. I almost hoped she wouldn’t pick up.

“Kyle?” Her voice came through, sounding slightly concerned. “Everything okay, honey?”

I took a deep breath. “Hey, Mom. Yeah, I’m... Well, I’m okay. But something happened, and I wanted to tell you before you maybe heard about it from someone else.”

“What’s going on?”

“So, uh, there was kind of an accident in one of the science buildings. I’m fine, really. Just a few scrapes and bruises. But I wanted you to hear it from me first.”

“An accident?” The worry in her voice ratcheted up. “Kyle, what happened?”

“See, that’s the thing. I... uhh, can’t remember,” I said, sticking with the story I’d used last night. If I was going to lie, at least I could be consistent. “It’s not a big deal, honestly. The doctors already checked me out and everything and they said it’s normal with a concussion.”

“Doctors? Concussion? Kyle, what happened?”

“I really don’t know. I was walking back to the dorm and there’s video of me going inside and then there was this accident and they found me unconscious and took me to the hospital. I have no idea why I went in there though. I don’t even remember it.”

“Do you think you should come home? Maybe doctor...”

“No,” I said, cutting her off. “No, I want to stay. They ran tests and everything and said there wasn’t anything other than the concussion and some scrapes. I haven’t even started class yet and I don’t want to screw this up before it starts. If there are any other problems, I swear I’ll tell you. I just... I just didn’t want the school calling you before I did.”

She sighed. I could picture her pinching the bridge of her nose like she always did when she was stressed.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, Mom. I promise. Just a little banged up, that’s all.” I paused, then added, “I’m not in trouble or anything. It was just a freak thing.”

That might not have been true. The police hadn’t arrested me and Professor Finch had left without following through on any threats. I figured the best thing to do was just keep going and act as if it were true. If there was trouble, I’d deal with it then.

There was another long silence. Then, “Okay. Just... be careful, okay? We’re so proud of you for being there, but we want you in one piece, too. Try to take it easy for a bit, alright?”

“I will, Mom. Promise.”

I hung up and I flopped back onto the bed dropping my phone next to me, and stared at the ceiling.

What next? I couldn’t just lie here and hide out. I needed to deal with it. The first thing was obvious: I needed to get out of this frat thing. It had been a stupid idea and had gotten me into all this mess in the first place.

I couldn’t just ghost them, though. For one, pissing off dozens of people because I was too scared to deal with them wasn’t going to make the situation any better and could very easily make it worse.

For another, it’s not like they planned for this to happen. Yeah, they’d had me do something stupid, maybe illegal, but there’s no way anyone could have foreseen the explosion. They’d been alright other than that, so I at least owed them an explanation.

I was just thinking about changing clothes when a sharp rap on the door made me jump. I shuffled over and cracked it open. My stomach dropped when I saw a campus security officer standing there. I thought I’d dodged this bullet already.

“Kyle Morgan?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“I need you to come with me to the dean’s office. There’s a meeting you’re required to attend.”

Shit. This was it. The other shoe dropping.

“Right now?” I asked, stalling for time.

“Yes, now.”

I nodded, grabbed my phone, and followed him out. The walk across campus felt like a march to the gallows. It wasn’t exactly packed yet, since we still had half a week or so until classes started, but there were still a few people and it felt like all of them were watching me walk with the officer, judging me.

They probably weren’t, but still.

We arrived at the administration building, which seemed a lot bigger than it had two days ago. We went up the grand staircase and through a maze of hallways until we reached a door with a brass nameplate that read “Dr. Charles Keaton, Dean of Students.”

The officer knocked, and a muffled “Come in” sounded from inside. He opened the door, ushered me in, and then left, closing it behind him with a soft click that felt way too final.

The man, who I assumed was Dean Keaton, looked away from the computer on his massive desk and gestured to one of the chairs opposite him.

“Please, have a seat, Mr. Morgan.”

I felt like my heart was going to break out of my chest; it was going so hard. School hadn’t even started yet, and I was sitting with the Dean of Students.

“Mr. Morgan, I’m sure you understand why you’re here,” he began. “The incident in the physics lab is a matter of serious concern for the college.”

I just nodded, not trusting that I wouldn’t incriminate myself further.

“Briarfield takes the safety and security of its students and facilities very seriously. What I’m struggling to comprehend, Mr. Morgan, is why you were in that building so late at night. I looked at your schedule, and you are not in the department nor do you have any classes there this semester.”

“Like I told the police, I went in to help someone, I think. I honestly don’t remember much.”

“I don’t suppose you know who you went to help? As far as I’m aware, there was no one on premises other than a grad student.”

“I... I’m not sure. It’s all pretty fuzzy. The doctors said it was common with head injuries.”

“I see. Mr. Morgan, I hope you understand the position the college is in. We have a student injured on our premises, in a restricted area, with no clear explanation of how or why he was there.”

“I do, sir. I really do. I honestly wish I had a better answer for you, I really do. It was a freak accident, but it’s also not my fault. It’s just... one of those things.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt that weird pressure at the back of my head again. The dean blinked rapidly, looking momentarily confused.

“I, well, yes, of course,” he said, shaking his head a little like he was trying to clear it. “I mean, there’s an issue of liability that…”

“I’m not suing anyone if that’s what you’re worried about. The doctors said other than the bump on the head, I was fine, so you don’t have to worry about it. Really, what I’d like is if I could just put this behind me and focus on school.”

The dean blinked again, harder this time. Then he looked almost relieved, like he’d been worried about something.

“Yes,” he said slowly, really drawing the word out. “Well, I’m glad you see it that way. Perhaps you’re right. It might be best if we... move forward with your schooling and focus on making the rest of the year positive.”

“I agree completely, sir.”

Surprised at how quickly he’d changed his tune but relieved, whatever the reprieve was, it was limited because he seemed to shake himself again and fixed me with a stern look.

“Before you go, Mr. Morgan, let me give you some advice. Be more careful about who you associate with on campus. Some... groups might lead you into trouble.”

The way he said it, I got the distinct impression he was talking about the fraternities. I wondered how much he knew about what had really happened.

“I’ll keep that in mind, sir,” I said, standing up. “Is there anything else?”

“No, that will be all. You may go.”

I got out of there as quickly as I could. The whole thing had my head spinning. That was the second weird ass conversation since the accident.

Still, they had worked out in my favor, so maybe I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. I still had other things to deal with. The Dean might have been weird, but he wasn’t wrong about the frat. None of this would have happened without them, and I wasn’t sure how much I needed it. The guys were okay, but the initiation games really hadn’t been who I was. I let myself get swept up in it, trying to fit in, and made some bad choices.

I was just glad I was still around to fix those choices.

I rehearsed what I was going to say the whole way to the frat house. I don’t know why I cared what they thought and should just tell them peace and leave for good. But I kind of did. I’d be here for four years, and the last thing I wanted was to have a whole group of people pissed at me.

The least I could do was end it without drama so I could just put all this behind me. I got to the house and had almost reached for the front door when it burst open with Brandon in the lead of all the other pledges, who practically yanked me inside.

“Dude!” someone shouted. “You’re alive!”

“We thought you were toast for sure,” another added.

Brandon pushed through the crowd. “Give him some space, guys. Let him breathe.”

Uh, yeah. I’m fine. Just a few scrapes.”

“But how are you not expelled?” someone asked. “Or in jail?”

“It wasn’t a big deal. Just an accident, you know? The cops said they’re looking into it, but they don’t really have anything to charge me with, since no one can explain what happened. I talked to the Dean this morning and I think maybe they’re just happy I’m not suing.”

I think knowing nothing was going to happen to me dissipated a lot of the drama, as most of the pledges started wandering off after a few more ‘glad you’re back’s.’

Except Brandon, who grabbed my arm and pulled me out to the porch, away from everyone else. I was happy to follow. He was the only one who had any chance of knowing what the hell happened.

“Man, I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“What happened after... you know.”

“The explosion threw me across a fucking room is what happened, knocking me out for like two minutes I think. When I came to, you were on the ground and there was this grad student in the lab. I couldn’t get to you without the guy seeing me, and I heard sirens, and I just... I ran.”

Part of me wanted to be angry. He had bailed on me and left me to the wolves. The rest of me couldn’t really blame him. It’s not like he could have done anything once the grad student found me without winding up in trouble with me. If our positions had been reversed, I might have done the same thing.

“It’s okay,” I said finally. “I get it.”

Brandon looked relieved. “I should’ve stayed. I should’ve helped somehow.”

“Water under the bridge, man. We both screwed up.”

For a minute, we both went quiet. I’d had a long night and from the sounds of it, he’d been worried about it since he took off.

“Listen,” I said, breaking the silence. “I’ve been thinking. Maybe this fraternity thing isn’t for me.”

“What? No way, dude. You can’t quit now.”

“I don’t know, man. It just feels like too much, you know?”

“Kyle, come on. This was a freak accident. Yeah, maybe breaking into the lab wasn’t our smartest move, but that doesn’t mean you should give up on everything.”

“We shouldn’t have broken in there at all. That was so dumb. I could have been killed.”

“Look, I get it, and if you want to call it, I don’t think anyone would blame you but... everyone here likes you, man. You fit in. And I talked to some of the older brothers. They said it isn’t always like this. Once classes start, things calm down a lot. During the week, it’s all about school. The crazy stuff is just for rush.”

I hesitated. Part of me still wanted to bail, but... the guys weren’t bad. If this was a one-time thing, and normally it was just school, it still would be nice to have friends on campus.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ll think about it.”

Brandon clapped me on the shoulder. “That’s all I’m asking. Just give it a chance. And hey, I’ve got your back, okay?”

“Thanks.”

“That’s the spirit,” Brandon grinned. “Now come on, let’s grab a soda or something. You look like you could use it.”

As we headed back inside, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was making a mistake. But maybe Brandon was right. Maybe once classes started, things would settle down. And if not... well, I could always quit later.