From the Top - Chapter 17

Monday, I was still preoccupied with everything that happened over the weekend. I was worried about Willie and what going into hospice meant for him. I was worried I wouldn’t get to see him again and tell him what he really means to me. I was also worried about Hanna. The bombshell that she was dating her professor was still sinking in, and I wasn’t sure how we were going to convince her that she was making a mistake, especially since she’d shown before that she wouldn’t listen to anyone when it came to relationship advice.

I had to really work to focus during class, but I think I managed it. More insanity in my life wasn’t going to be an excuse, if my grades slipped again … or in some cases, didn’t continue to rise to where they needed to be. It wasn’t easy, though.

I was actually looking forward to lunch, to just listen to my friends talk about whatever the current gossip was and escape for a little while. Or at least I thought that was what was going to happen. Everyone was chatting happily when I sat down and started getting my lunch out. Mrs. Phillips was a big believer in always having something cooked, or at least leftovers, which meant no more sad sandwiches for lunch.

It wasn’t until I got everything in front of me that I realized what everyone was talking about.

“I heard they’re starting auditions for next season like really soon,” Payton said. “I was thinking I might go see it this year.”

“The closest one is way over in Atlanta,” Amy said. “You’d think they’d have one in Nashville, at least once. I mean, I don’t expect them to come to Asheville, but Nashville is the capital of country music, that would give me a chance to finally go see it live. I could talk my parents into letting me go to Nashville for the day, but Atlanta, I’d have to stay overnight. No way they’d let me.”

“Yeah, mine neither. But last year the closest one was in Florida. Atlanta is at least kind of in driving distance,” Payton said. “I just want to really see it live once, you know? The pre-taped and live shows are all out in California, so I’ll never get to see those.”

“I’m going to the Atlanta auditions,” I said, offhandedly in between bites.

I wasn’t really thinking when I said it, the words just kind of tumbled out of my mouth. Their reactions shouldn’t have been a surprise, but they kind of were.

“What?!” Payton said, almost dropping her fork.

“Like, going-going to the auditions,” Amy asked. “Not just to see them, but like, performing?”

“Uhh … yeah,” I said, the next bit of food halfway to my mouth.

They were just staring at me, open-mouthed.

“That’s so cool,” Amy said, practically bouncing out of her chair.

“It was my manager’s idea,” I said. “We’re trying to find a way to get my career back on track, since my contract’s been cancelled.”

“That makes sense,” Cameron said. “You’re the best singer I’ve ever heard, better than a lot of the guys that show up on that show.”

“Man, we should all go,” Payton said.

“It’s next Monday,” I pointed out. “The administration would probably notice if a lot of us were out the same day. Especially since I’ve already talked to the principal about getting out of school that day.”

“Ohh, I didn’t realize it was happening on a school day,” Amy said.

“But you’ll end up on the televised audition show. You’re so good. You’ll definitely get featured,” Payton said.

“It’s a really good idea,” Cameron said. “You should have gone last year. Their contestants weren’t that great. You would have crushed them.”

I wasn’t so sure of that. According to Warren, thousands of people auditioned for the show every year and the competition was pretty fierce. I hadn’t ever really watched the show, but it seemed unlikely I’d be better than all of them. Although that wasn’t the reason we hadn’t considered this until now.

“I had a contract last year. Besides that giving me a lot to focus on, what with the gigs they were setting up, I’m not sure how that could have worked. Being signed with a local label and going onto a show sponsored by a different, national label doesn’t seem compatible.”

“Ohh, yeah,” Cameron said. “I didn’t even think about that.”

“You’re going to do great this year, though,” Payton said. “Like you said, you had a record contract, so you’re already a big step ahead of everyone else.”

“Actually, from what I’ve heard, that’s pretty common. According to my manager, very few of the people you see on these shows are actual amateurs, at least not the ones who make it to the later rounds. They either play regular shows and have their own self-published stuff out there, or they’ve had contracts that lapsed or they lost for whatever reason.”

“Ohh, I didn’t know that,” Payton said. “The way they make it sound, when they ask their life story or play the video about their home life or whatever, it always sounds like they love music but never did it for real.”

“Of course they do,” Cameron said. “It’s TV, so they have to make the drama enough to catch people’s attention. I read somewhere that, at least when it comes to reality TV, it’s about people watching it thinking ‘I could do better than that’. Even something skilled like singing, it’s … I don’t know …”

He trailed off, trying to think up the word.

“Aspirational,” Thea said quietly.

That was one of the first times I’d actually heard Thea speak. She was quiet, at most nodding along, but you could always tell she was listening.

“That’s it! Aspirational,” Cameron said, snapping his fingers. “I don’t care how good the singing is, they wouldn’t hold audiences just on the performances. Except for the auditions, where they throw in people who can’t sing so we can all feel good about ourselves, most everyone who is on the show is good. We root for the people whose story we like the best, not the one who sings the best. I mean, there are exceptions. Season one had Julie Jackson, who was worlds better than everyone else, but I think maybe even her success was because the show was new. They had that other girl a few years later, Tonya whatever-her-name-was. Everyone went crazy for how good she was, but after she won, poof. You never heard anything from her.”

“They haven’t really had anyone get big since Julie. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of any of these people after they won. Sorry,” Payton said apologetically, realizing what she was saying, since I was about to try and use the show to boost my career.

“I follow a couple of people I liked from earlier seasons on Widget, including people who came in second and third. They’re touring a lot, mostly in Europe or Asia, from what I’ve seen,” Lily said. “So even if you don’t make it big off their contract or even win, you could still use it to boost your career.”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” I said. “I have to get through the audition process first, though.”

“You’ll do well. Like I said, the producers push the people with the best story, and yours is going to be compelling,” Cameron pointed out. “I mean, it sucks and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but everything that happened, it’ll make amazing TV. I’m not even talking about your mom. They’ve had people on whose parents had cancer or were in car crashes or whatever, but you then had to battle a studio and the legal system. And you won. That’s a story they’re going to want on TV.”

“At least it’s good for something,” I said, a little more sullenly than I intended.

“I don’t mean it like that, Charlie, and you know it,” Cameron said. “I’m saying, you had this stuff happen and you can’t take it back or make it un-happen, so you can at least use it to fix the damage that’s happened since.”

That’s one thing I liked about Cameron. Months after I finally got out from under all my legal battles, everyone was still kind of walking on eggshells whenever conversation turned to my parents or everything that happened. Cameron didn’t. He treated me exactly like he had before my parents died. I think I needed that.

I just nodded and gave him a smile so he knew I wasn’t upset or anything. I’m not sure anyone else picked up on it. Now that they knew I was going, even Ryan, David, and Jake, who hadn’t participated in the conversation, were getting excited. They all talked about what the auditions would be like, memorable moments from previous years on the show, and what would happen when I made it to the later rounds.

I just let them talk, occasionally nodding along, but otherwise silent, as I realized what I’d done. Up until now, other than Principal Wallace, Kat, and the band, only a few people knew about the audition. I hadn’t been trying to keep it quiet on purpose, but I hadn’t actively advertised it either.

I mean, I knew I was going to have to tell people eventually, but I’d been hesitant to mention it. I don’t know if it was because I was worried that people would think it made me somehow less of an actual musician because I was going on the show or, worse, I’d go and not get in, and everyone would know.

I was pretty sure it didn’t matter now, though. The way my friends were reacting, I realized there was no way this would stay under wraps. I could ask them to not say anything, but that would make it even more of a big deal, and someone would still let it slip out. I just hadn’t been expecting them to make such a big deal about it, but there was no going back, now. The cat was out of the bag, which gave me another reason I had to succeed at the audition.

***

Thursday, I hadn’t heard from Dr. Wallace about whether I’d be allowed to take Monday off or not, so I headed toward his office when the school day ended. Although I hadn’t seen any sign that he was going to say no, and I knew I’d gotten my grades up, I was still really nervous. If he didn’t allow it, I’d have to risk skipping school, which would definitely cause me problems when I needed a week and a half off in November, or skipping the audition, which I couldn’t afford.

Mrs. Morgan waved me on toward the office without asking why I needed to see him. I guess I’d made enough trips to the principal’s office that it was just assumed if I was there, it was where I was supposed to be. While it made things easier sometimes, I wasn’t sure I liked what that said about me.

Knocking on the heavy wooden door, I heard Dr. Wallace call out, “Come in!”

I pushed open the door and went to sit in one of the chairs. We’d had enough of these meetings by now, I figured wasting time waiting to be invited to sit wasn’t needed, since we both knew he was going to tell me to have a seat. While he looked up and gave a small twitch of his eyebrow as I sat unbidden, he didn’t say anything one way or another, so I figured it was okay to just get right to the point.

“So I wanted to check in with you about missing class on Monday for the audition,” I said, cutting right to the chase. “You said I needed to get my grades up, and I’m pretty sure I have. I’ve been working with my tutor and I think all my teachers would say I’ve turned things around.”

“You have,” he said, setting his pen down and leaning back in his chair. “I’ve been keeping an eye on your progress and I’m pleased with the improvement. I’ve also had conversations with all of your teachers, and they’ve reported that you do seem significantly more focused and engaged in class, so yes, you’ve done a good job.”

While I liked hearing the praise, he hadn’t actually said yes or no about the audition, which gave me a moment’s pause. I’d been in this situation before, doing everything the adult asked me to do just to have the rug pulled out from under me, so I couldn’t help but be worried. No matter how reasonable he’d seemed so far.

“Given the effort you’ve put in these past couple weeks,” he continued, unaware of the anxiety his dramatic pause was giving me. “I’m comfortable excusing you from classes on Monday for your audition. However, I do have some conditions.”

So close. For a second, I was excited, but there were always conditions.

“First, I expect you to speak with each teacher individually and get any assignments you’ll be missing ahead of time. It’s only one day, but I don’t want this disrupting your schoolwork.”

That was reasonable enough.

I nodded and said, “I can do that.”

“Second, even though you’ve got the day approved, I want you to stay focused tomorrow. Now that you’ve achieved what you’ve been working toward, don’t let your work slip. I want you to make sure you double-check everything when you get back, to make sure you’re not behind. I know that’s a lot to ask for missing one day, but you’re still coming out of a down slump in your grades, so it’s a lot easier to fall behind than if you’d not had any problems.”

“I won’t let things slip. I already talked to my tutor, and I’ll make sure I don’t miss anything or fall behind.”

“Good. Lastly, assuming your audition does go well on Monday, you’re going to need to start thinking about how you want to handle the missed week and a half in November. It’s not going to be like missing just one day. There will be too much material covered in that time period for you to just do the assignments and catch up when you get back.”

“Ohh, I didn’t think of that,” I said.

“I don’t need you to figure it all out right this second, but I want you to think about it. If things do go well, I’m going to want you to put together a plan for me by next Friday, outlining how you intend to keep your schoolwork on track while you’re away filming. Think through each class and what kinds of assignments you’ll be missing. Come up with a strategy for staying caught up, whether that means getting work in advance, doing some while you’re away, or figuring out a plan for getting caught up when you’re back. I want you to really think it through.”

“Can’t I just talk to each of my teachers?” I asked.

“You can, and eventually, you will. Think of this as an extra assignment you have to do in return for being allowed to miss so many days. Being able to schedule around your outside responsibilities and keep up with your schoolwork will be important for you in college, and this is a great opportunity to practice it. I want you thinking about your education, not just doing the work you’re assigned, but thinking about what you’re actually supposed to be learning.”

“Okay,” I said.

I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of additional work on top of the work I needed to do for my classes, but I could see he had a point. Kat had said the same thing a few times, that I needed to not just study, but learn how to study and prioritize my work. Dr. Wallace wasn’t done, though.

“I know you’re eager to get out there and start pursuing your dreams, but it’s important you don’t lose focus on your education. A high school diploma opens a lot more doors than just dropping out and hoping for the best. I’ve seen too many students throw away their futures that way.”

“I’m not planning on dropping out,” I said. “I won’t let things slide.”

“Good. That’s what I want to hear. Ultimately, it comes down to you taking responsibility for your own education. I can advise and guide, but youhave to put in the work,” he said, and then wrapped his knuckles on the desk. “All right, I won’t keep you any longer. I’m approving your absence Monday. I’ll be checking in on your progress next week. Your ability to actually go depends on you having everything prepared in advance. Think of it as a test of how well you can manage your responsibilities.”

I stood up, not really knowing what to say, just nodding instead.

“Lecture finished. Get going and good luck on Monday.”

***

Even though I had a big week ahead of me and had to be at the Blue Ridge at nine, I got up early Saturday morning and made the drive out to Chapel Hill. I hadn’t been able to do anything the previous weekend when Kat told me about Professor Cross, but I hadn’t given up on talking to Hanna about it.

Even after the three and a half-hour drive, I still wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to say. I wanted to just walk in and shake some sense into her, but I knew that wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t going to just agree, that was for sure. The whole thing with Troy had shown me that.

I pulled up to Hanna and Kat’s dorm and saw Kat sitting on a bench out front. I’d called her when I’d gotten into town to let her know I was close. Beyond telling her I was coming up to talk to Hanna, as promised, we hadn’t really worked out what was actually going to happen.

She jogged over to my car as I pulled up, opening my car door.

“Hey, you,” she said, giving me a quick kiss. “She’s upstairs. I didn’t tell her you were coming just in case she tried to bolt. Do you want me to come up with you?”

“No,” I said, getting out of the car. “I want to give it a shot first, just the two of us.”

“Okay,” she said, taking my hand and walking me to the door of their dorm.

Swiping her student ID against the reader, unlocking the door, she said, “I’m headed to the library to get some studying done then. Text me if you need me to come back, okay?”

“I will,” I said, leaning over and giving her a quick kiss.

“Good luck,” she said, giving me a wave and heading down the sidewalk, leaving me on my own.

I made my way up the stairs and toward Hanna and Kat’s room.

“Did you forget your …” Hanna said, opening the door after I knocked, only to stop when she realized it was me. “Charlie. What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d come say hi.”

“In the neighborhood … right,” she said with a smirk. “You just missed Kat.”

“I know, I saw her downstairs. She said she was going to go study.”

“Yeah. So … Monday’s the big day. Are you ready?”

“I think so, although who knows. I have no idea what it’s going to be like, but how much different can it be from just playing a normal gig?”

“There’ll be judges watching you,” Hanna pointed out. “Do you know what song you’re going to do? Country Road?”

“I thought about that, but it’s a bit too slow for something like this. I watched a bunch of older auditions, and ballads don’t seem to go over as well unless they’re already well-known and being covered. For original music, up tempo seems to be the way to go. I was thinking about doing Supposed To Be. It’s poppy, upbeat, works with just guitar, but doesn’t have a long solo like a lot of the other songs. They tend to focus on the singing and don’t seem to give much credit for ability on an instrument as long as it’s not bad, so it’s my best bet.”

“Okay, I hadn’t realized how much thought went into this,” she said.

“I didn’t either, honestly. That was mostly Warren, who did a whole lot of research and pulled clips for me to look at.”

“You’re going to kill it,” she said. “I wish I could go, but I can’t get out of class.”

“It’s not a problem,” I said.

The pleasantries out of the way, I took a deep breath and jumped into what I’d actually come to talk about.

“Actually, I didn’t just come by. I wanted to talk to you about something else. Kat told me about … Professor Cross.”

Hanna rolled her eyes and said, “Not you too. I already told Kat I’m fine. I don’t need an intervention or whatever this is.”

“It’s not fine, Hanna,” I said gently. “Dating a professor can end really badly. If the school finds out, he could get fired or you could get kicked out of school, or both.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Hanna said dismissively. “We’re being careful.”

I shook my head, “People always find out about these things eventually. You can’t be that naive.”

“I’m not naive,” she said angrily.

“I meant you should know people always find out,” I said, and then changed tactics. “Did you know he’s married?”

Hanna faltered for a second before saying, “Yeah, I know. But his marriage is basically over. He just can’t get divorced yet. It’s complicated.”

“Come on, Hanna. You can’t really believe that. It’s what every married guy who’s sleeping with a girl says.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hanna said angrily. “He loves me. I’m not some dumb girl being taken advantage of.”

“I’m not saying you’re dumb,” I said gently. “But this guy … he knows exactly what to say to get you to trust him. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

Hanna crossed her arms, “Why can’t you just be happy for me? I really like him.”

“Because it’s my job as your friend to protect you, even when you don’t want me to. I’m always going to look out for you, whether you like it or not.”

“Well, I don’t need you to protect me from this,” Hanna said stubbornly. “I’m an adult, I can make my own choices. You don’t know him like I do.”

“What are you going to do when your mom finds out?” I asked.

Hanna shrugged, “I’m not going to do anything. I can date who I want.”

“Yeah, but you’re not entirely on your own,” I pointed out. “Your mom still pays for your school, and you have to go home next summer. Do you really think this thing with Professor Cross, the married Professor Cross, is going to last? Is it worth throwing away your relationship with your mom?”

“That’s not going to happen. It’ll be fine. Hell, she probably won’t even find out.”

“She will. Everyone’s already suspicious about who you’re dating and why you’re hiding it. What am I supposed to say when your mom asks me about it?”

“You can’t tell her anything!”

“If you don’t care and you’re your own adult, why should it matter if she knows?” I countered.

“You just can’t,” Hanna insisted. “Promise me you won’t say anything to her.”

“I promise I won’t say anything. For now.”

“Thank you,” she said, visibly relaxing.

“But I really think you should be the one to tell her,” I continued gently. “If this relationship with Professor Cross is as real and serious as you say, then you shouldn’t have a problem being open about it with your family. Keeping it a secret will only make it seem more scandalous.”

“She just wouldn’t understand.”

“Of course she wouldn’t. Which is why you should not let her be surprised by it. It’ll make everything else worse if you’re not the one to tell her.”

“I’ll be fine. I need you to trust me on this,” she said. “You promised.”

“Hanna, it’s not about trust. I’ll keep my promise not to say anything for now. But I can’t stay quiet forever. A month maybe, then all bets are off. Either you tell your mom, or I will.”

“That is so not fair,” Hanna said, fuming.

“I am your friend,” I said earnestly. “Your best friend. And I’m not going to stop wanting to protect you, even if it makes you mad at me. Better you be mad at me than get tangled up in another toxic relationship like you did with Troy. I sat by and did nothing then. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“This is nothing like what happened with Troy!” Hanna shouted, her face flushed. “How dare you compare Horace to that psycho! You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“I’m sorry,” I said, taking a step back and holding up my hands. “I’m really not trying to make you mad. I’m just trying to help.”

“Well, stop trying. I don’t need it or want it. Just leave me alone and stay out of my love life!”

With that, she turned on her heel and hurried off down the hall. I stood there helplessly watching her go. I wasn’t sure what I thought was going to happen, but that hadn’t been it. I had hoped I could get through to her, but her reaction was just like when she was with Troy all over again.

I closed their room door and made my way down the stairs, pulling out my phone. For now, I’d keep my distance and suggest maybe Kat not talk about it either, so we didn’t lose our connection with Hanna like we did during the whole Troy thing. Eventually, she’d calm down and, hopefully, come to her senses.