From the Top - Chapter 10

Kat and I had our first official date on Sunday afternoon. It was weird since she had spent most of the previous day with me down in Asheville, for the second of the shows Willie had set up. She helped us set up, worked the merch table while we were on stage, and was basically with me for almost ten hours. And yet today, because our date was official, she was acting all nervous and weird.

It got worse the closer it got to lunchtime when we planned to go out. I wasn’t that much better. Both of us kept catching the other stealing glances, only to look away when we were caught. We’d brush past each other, but instead of the little touches we’d been giving each other all week since getting back from Indianapolis, we both got flustered, trying to get out of the other’s way.

Mrs. Philips was there but wasn’t saying anything. She just pretended to read the newspaper or do dishes or something, not even bothering to hide her smile at our antics. When it was time for us to head to lunch, we both disappeared into our rooms to change and then met by the front door, like I had just shown up at her house to pick her up, even though we had walked down the stairs together.

“So, this is weird, right?” I said.

“Totally weird,” she agreed.

We laughed as we headed out to the car. The nervousness was still there, but at least we had both acknowledged it. We even held hands for the short walk around the side of the house to my car.

“Since we don’t have time to go down to Asheville to somewhere nice, I was thinking we could go to the Backyard Grill and get some burgers. I promise I’ll plan a better date when we have more time, though.”

“We could go to Art of the Wok,” Kat suggested, a slight smile on her face.

I knew what Kat was doing. I liked Chinese food, but Art of the Wok was my least favorite of the eating places in Wellsville. Except for the Blue Ridge, everything was fast food, catering to people driving up and down the freeway, and of the fast food in town, I thought it was the worst. Considering Chef would always have something Asian on the menu, I’d rather have that any day over the greasy fried rice and under-seasoned vegetables you could get at Art of the Wok. But we spent almost all of our time outside of the house at the Blue Ridge, and we had both agreed that our first date being there, with our friends watching us, would be weird.

Kat, for whatever reason, really liked that place. She was always trying to convince me to go there to eat, and I was always finding ways to say no. I guess she figured now that we were on a date, and I was trying to impress her, I couldn’t very well say no.

“All right,” I said, shaking my head ruefully, “we can go there.”

Kat bounced up and down in her seat, clapping. I couldn’t help but laugh at her antics. I wasn’t super pleased with where we’d be eating, but I was enjoying seeing her in such a good mood.

We were still a little awkward and nervous as we drove to Weaver Square, making small talk and trying to find a way to act on our date that wasn’t weird. It was strange, I’d spent so much time with Kat over the last few years, but now I was having trouble talking to her, just because we were on a date and not hanging out.

We ordered our food at the counter and found a seat in the back corner, the conversation dying off into awkward silence. Kat fiddled with her napkin, glancing at me tentatively. I reached across the table and took her hand, hoping to break the tension.

“This doesn’t have to be weird, you know,” I said. “Just because it’s a date doesn’t mean we have to act differently.”

“I wasn’t trying to be nervous,” Kat said, looking down shyly. “I just want this to go well.”

“Hey, I’m nervous too,” I admitted. “It’s not every day I take out the prettiest girl in town.”

“Terrible line,” she said, laughing and rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, well,” I said with a little shrug. “This will all get easier. We just need to try to act normal, like we always do.”

“I’ll try,” Kat said, but it was obvious that wasn’t going to work.

I switched tactics, saying, “You know, if you’re nervous about maybe kissing me later, I could just get it over with now.”

“You’re such a dork,” she said, rolling her eyes again.

I laughed and shrugged again as she relaxed a little, letting some of the tension out of her shoulders. Teasing her was the way to go, since it’s what I’d normally be doing. She wasn’t one to be outdone though.

Giving an almost puppy dog look and slightly biting her lip, she said more softly, “I wouldn’t say no to one, though.”

She was putting on the full show, and I couldn’t help but laugh again as I leaned across, bracing my hands on the table, and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

As we broke apart from the kiss, I saw Kat’s eyes go wide as she looked over my shoulder. I turned to see what had startled her and was met with the sight of Rhonda and a few of her friends standing outside the restaurant, staring at us through the window.

Rhonda said something to her friends that made them erupt in giggles before sauntering into the restaurant and over to our table.

“Well isn’t this cute,” she said, placing a hand on her hip. “All that moralizing about how I should be careful who I got together with, and here you are with the school slut.”

I clenched my jaw, anger rising in me immediately. I’d bent over backwards trying to give Rhonda the benefit of the doubt, but she seemed incapable of just being a good person.

“Don’t call her that,” I said, trying to remain calm.

Rhonda didn’t seem to notice, or care. “Why not? It’s true isn’t it? Little Kat has worked her way through half the football team at this point.”

Kat’s cheeks flushed as she stared down at the table. I could see shame and embarrassment in the slump of her shoulders. She’d made so much progress and Rhonda could mess all that up. She knew exactly what strings to pull to get a hit on Kat’s deepest insecurities.

“You don’t know anything about her or what she’s been through,” I said.

“Don’t,” she said softly. “She’s not worth it.”

I slowly sat back down, though my hands were still balled into fists.

Rhonda smirked. “Man, you get a little and become instantly whipped.”

Before I could respond, Kat was suddenly on her feet, inches from Rhonda’s face.

“Shut your vile mouth, you hateful bitch,” she spat at Rhonda, who looked stunned.

“Excuse me?” Rhonda said incredulously.

“You heard me,” Kat said. “I am so sick of you and your little pick-me’s, thinking the only way anyone will like you is by tearing other people down. You think you can say whatever you want just because you’re popular? Well, news flash, being popular in high school doesn’t mean shit. I’m glad I’m done with all that childish bullshit.”

Rhonda scoffed, but Kat cut her off.

“You can call me a slut and a tramp all you want, but we both know you’re just a sad, insecure little girl who’ll peak in high school. In ten years, you’ll be married to some deadbeat because he happened to be popular here or at whatever college has low enough standards to take you, while the rest of us go on to actually make something of ourselves. The only thing you’ll have to say to me then is to ask if I want fries with my burger.”

Rhonda’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly. She was usually good at rebuffing when people stood up to her, always finding a way to come out on top. It’s how she got to be the head of her group of friends. What she wasn’t prepared for was Kat, who’d always been too afraid to fight back, to get into her face.

“So take your attitude and your little friends and get the hell out of my sight before I decide you’re worth it after all, and beat the ever-loving shit out of you,” Kat said, jabbing a finger into Rhonda’s shoulder hard enough to cause her to stumble back a step.

It was at that moment I think it occurred to Rhonda that, while she may be the tough girl in school, she wasn’t actually tough. She was a cheerleader, but we didn’t exactly field an athletic team that competed in cheer competitions. Kat, on the other hand, was an actual athlete and significantly stronger.

Rhonda glanced around, realizing people were starting to stare. With as much dignity as she could summon, she spun on her heel and hurried out of the restaurant, her posse scrambling after her.

Kat watched her go before sinking back down into the booth, starting to shake like a leaf. I’d been as shocked as Rhonda to see such fire from Kat, so much so that I hadn’t been able to say anything as it happened. Now that Rhonda was gone, though, all of the fight drained out of Kat. She actually looked terrified, although if that was terror from the confrontation finally hitting her, or fear over what she’d just morphed into, I couldn’t tell.

“Wow,” I said in awe. “That was … amazing. Are you okay?”

Kat let out a long breath and said, “Yeah … yeah, I think so. I don’t know what came over me. I just couldn’t take her garbage anymore, and I’m so tired of being a doormat for people like her.”

I reached across the table and took her hand. “You were unbelievable. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Rhonda speechless before.”

She just shrugged, but I could see she actually felt bad about what happened. I think maybe she’d even scared herself a little bit. Kat had a lot of fear and insecurity from her years of abuse, but after feeling my own anger from what happened with Dad, I’d started to wonder why she didn’t have more rage over what had been done to her. I guess I’d been wrong, and she did.

I didn’t think it was helpful for her to dwell on it, so I tried to break the tension.

“Man, I’ve got to remember never to make you mad,” I said, giving her a smile to show her I was kidding. “You’ll kick my ass.”

“Shut up,” she said, punching me in my shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Kat,” I said in a fake begging voice. “I’m so sorry I angered you. Please don’t beat me again.”

“Keep your voice down,” she said, turning beet red.

She was smiling though, which is what I really wanted.

***

I was up before the sun on Wednesday morning, getting ready for the six-hour drive to Richmond. Today was the day for the meeting with Coastal Records about a new distribution deal for Country Roads, and I’d been tossing and turning all night. After everything we’d gone through lately, with the canceled shows and difficulty getting venues to call us back, this was a real chance to get things started again.

I’d packed some stuff in my backpack the night before, although I planned on making a very long day trip out of the day since I didn’t want to drop money on hotels if I didn’t have to. I had my keys in hand and was about to walk out the door when my phone began to buzz in my pocket. I was a little surprised someone would call this early, at least until I saw Warren’s name on the caller ID. He knew what time I was leaving and probably just wanted to make sure I was on the road early enough to make it to the meeting on time.

“I’m just walking out the door now,” I said when I answered.

“Don’t bother heading out, the meeting’s off,” Warren said, sounding pissed off. “I just got a call from Coastal Records. They’ve decided to ‘go in another direction’ and apparently your album doesn’t fit into their distribution strategy anymore. They’ve canceled the meeting.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I said in disbelief. “That’s bullshit.”

“I’m not kidding, and yes, it’s bullshit. Or at least the reason they gave is. I finally heard from a friend still working at MAC. We were right, they’re behind all of the cancellations. Almost certainly, MAC pressured Coastal into not distributing your album.”

“They gave you proof?”

“No, and they didn’t come right out and say it. They only confirmed I wasn’t wrong. There’s a lot of scrutiny over there of people I used to work with, especially since I started working for you directly. A lot of my old co-workers cut ties with me, out of fear for their own jobs, which is why it’s taken me so long to get even this much.”

“Is this in retribution for the lawsuit, or for hiring you after they fired you?”

“Almost certainly about the lawsuit. They don’t care about losing one employee, but they do care about money, and you cost them a lot of it. They only care about me insofar as I might be able to help you. I think it’s pretty clear now that they’ve decided to try and keep you from ever working again, or at least working on the east coast.”

“That has to be illegal,” I said. “Can’t we sue them for interfering with our business or something?”

Warren sighed, “I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll talk to your Mr. Eaves and see if he thinks there’s any basis for a lawsuit here. I wouldn’t get your hopes up; this will be a lot harder to prove than your contract cancellation was.”

“My friend also more or less confirmed that they’ve put nothing in writing, which I guess means it’s all been through face-to-face meetings or phone calls. They probably learned their lesson from your lawsuit, since their letter to you canceling your contract more or less hung them out to dry. Your ill-advised firing aside, they aren’t idiots. They know there’s a risk to blocking you from getting business and are avoiding creating evidence of it. Again, my friend wouldn’t actually say that or anything specific, so I’m reading between a lot of lines.”

“What do you mean? Why is he so scared to actually say what’s happening? If their employer is doing something wrong, they should blow the whistle. Or whatever.”

“Be realistic, Charlie,” he said. “My friend is scared for his job if he’s seen as helping us, and not everyone has the kind of talent you have to fall back on. Losing a job like that would more or less kill them in the industry. Even if he did tell us everything specifically, I doubt he’d be willing to testify even if we did try to build a case against MAC.”

“Can’t we just call your friend to the stand, subpoena him or whatever, and make him testify? Or hold him in contempt if he refuses?”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” he said, almost laughing in spite of the serious subject matter. “It’s also not that simple, Charlie. This guy did me a favor just by giving me what little information he did. If we try to force him to testify against MAC, it could ruin his career. We need to be careful about burning bridges, especially now. Also, I know you’re not the type of person to do that to someone who’s helping us.”

He had a point. As frustrating as this whole situation was, I didn’t want to make things difficult for Warren’s friend, who helped us in spite of having no reason to do so … and every reason not to.

“All right, fine,” I conceded. “But we’ve gotta do something. Talk to Mr. Eaves, see if he thinks there’s any legal standing here? He’s smarter than us, hopefully he has some ideas for how to sue them for interfering or whatever?”

“Of course. I’ll talk to him about what we’d need to do to get some of the clubs to come forward too. Even if it’s all been verbal, if we can get enough venues willing to say MAC pressured them not to book you, that might help build a case. Give him a few days to figure something out. We can talk again on Monday.”

“Fine. Let me know what he says,” I said, dejected, walking back toward the living room.

“For now, we’ll try the smaller, independent venues around here and hope MAC hasn’t gotten to all of them yet. Maybe we’ll have some luck booking shows further west too, like you said. The Southwest or Midwest might work, though those would be pretty long drives for just a single gig.”

“There’s no time to try and line up a real tour out there before school starts up again, and like you said, it’s too far for a single show to pay enough to be worth it.”

“I know,” Warren said. “Just, try to hang on. We’ll keep working on ideas for getting around MAC’s blockade. At least we know more now than we did yesterday. We’ll figure something out.”

“I guess,” I said, not convinced. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ve gotta go.”

I hung up without waiting for him to answer and slumped down in one of the cushioned chairs. Another disappointment, but at least we knew something. Hopefully Mr. Eaves could figure out a way to sue them and force them to back off.

***

By Monday, I’d gone into a tailspin. I’d spent the rest of the previous week grappling with knowing MAC was out there trying to destroy me. I’d already guessed it, but now that I knew it for a fact, I couldn’t just keep trying to hold my head up, pretending like it was going to be okay.

It didn’t help that Saturday was the last of the shows Willie set up, and once again the manager refused to talk to me about any future performances. Having Willie set up gigs wasn’t a long-term option, even if he wasn’t in the hospital. I’d been so sure when I’d won my lawsuit against MAC that I could just go back out and start over. Having my hubris thrown back in my face had messed me up. I was upset, sad, but most of all, I was angry.

Which had gotten me thinking about what Dr. Rothstein had said, about the anger I probably still had underneath, from everything that had happened with my parents. While I was pretty sure MAC shutting down my career was worth getting angry about all on its own, I also realized he had a point. I’d felt like a different person ever since that day, and I wanted it to stop. I wanted to go back to feeling like I used to.

Which is why I found myself sitting in my car in a nearly empty cemetery parking lot. For a long time, I just sat there, staring out at the rows of headstones. It still felt dumb, coming here to hold a conversation with a slab of granite. I also didn’t have any better ideas, and Dr. Rothstein had done wonders for Kat, so maybe he knew what he was talking about.

With a rueful sigh, I finally got out of my car and wound my way through the headstones to where Mom was buried. Finding the simple grey marker with her name carved on it, I just stood there awkwardly, staring at her name.

“Hey, Mom,” I said awkwardly, scuffing my shoe against the grass. “It’s me, Charlie … I guess you know that.”

I shoved my hands into my pockets, suddenly feeling self-conscious standing here alone, talking to a gravestone.

“I, uh, I have some news. Kat and I … we’re kind of dating now. It’s a long story, but she’s doing a lot better. We’ve … it’s new, so I don’t really know what to say about it.”

I scratched my foot through the dirt, making a thin line, trying to collect my thoughts.

“Uhh, that’s, I guess, the good news. Everything else is just … it’s not great. Ever since Dad … ever since everything happened, my career has fallen apart. MAC is blocking us from getting any gigs or distribution, and Warren says he’s not sure we’re going to be able to stop them.”

I paused again, sinking down on the grass and resting my forearms on my knees.

“Everyone’s counting on me, you know? Lyla, Seth, Warren … I told them I could make this work, that we’d get the band back on track. Now it feels like I’ve let everyone down. I just wish … I wish you were here.”

I stood up, feeling myself getting angry at the thought of her being gone.

“Why didn’t you stand up to him?” I suddenly shouted. “Why did you let him walk all over you for so long? You were supposed to protect me, not him!”

I began pacing back and forth in front of the gravestone, gesturing wildly with my hands.

“He was just a stupid drunk, but you … you were my mother! You were supposed to be the strong one! But no, you let him yell at us and hit us whenever he wanted. You never stood up to him, not once! If you had left him sooner, or at least not taken him back, none of this would have happened. But no, you were too scared or too defeated or whatever to actually do anything.”

I could feel frustrated tears stinging my eyes.

“I really needed you, you know? I was going through a lot of big changes in my life, and I needed someone I could trust. For a little while I thought you were that person . But then you let me down, just like you always did.”

I angrily swiped at the tears now rolling down my cheeks.

“Yeah, Dad was the one who actually … did everything, but we both knew he was sick. An alcoholic. He was always going to be who he was. But when he went to jail and you decided to try to actually be a mom, you should have stuck with it. You should have protected me from him. But as soon as he showed back up, it was like you just crumbled. You were so pathetic.”

I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears flowed faster.

“You should have done better, Mom. I needed you to be stronger. I needed you to actually be there for me. But you failed me.”

I broke down into heaving sobs, sinking down onto the grass, hugging my knees to my chest. I cried until I had no tears left, my whole body shaking with grief and anger.

Finally, I took a few deep, shuddering breaths and wiped my face with my sleeves. I slowly stood up on shaky legs, looking down at the simple headstone.

“I guess it doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done,” I said hoarsely. “I just really wish things could have been different. I wish you could have been the person I needed.”

I took another breath, feeling my heart rate starting to slow down, and said, “I’m sorry, that wasn’t entirely fair. Dad’s the one who did all this, I just wish … well, it doesn’t matter what I wish. It is what it is. I just miss you. I’ll try to come by again next week, okay? Maybe bring you some flowers or something.”

I rubbed my hand over the top of the gravestone and, after looking at her name one last time, headed back to my car. I don’t know if that was the catharsis Dr. Rothstein suggested, but I did feel a little less stressed. The anger wasn’t gone, but I didn’t feel it weighing on me as much.

That was something.