From the Top - Chapter 8

I was standing in the middle of the stage, playing my heart out. Ten thousand people filled the arena in front of me, cheering and singing along. I was just finishing the solo, turning to Lyla to start singing the next verse, when she opened her mouth and let out a high-pitched squeal.

My eyes flew open as my brain tried to transition between the dream and the noise that was happening in front of me. Hanna was standing just beyond the entryway, one hand partially in front of her face, but not actually covering her mouth, letting out a piercing squeal. Kat was curled up next to me, her head on my chest and one arm draped across my stomach. We were both still in our jeans from last night, but our shirts were strewn haphazardly on the floor.

Kat stirred next to me, blinking awake at the sudden noise, looking around blearily.

“Hanna, what are you doing here?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

She bounded over to the bed, energy radiating from her. “Oh my god, I knew it! I knew you two would end up together!”

When I didn’t say anything right away, not sure of how to respond to that, she said, “Kat never came back to our room last night. I didn’t even realize it because I was so tired and went to bed early, but when I woke up this morning, her bed was still empty. That’s not like her, so I got worried, thinking maybe something had happened. I rushed over here to get you to help find her, and instead I find this.”

She squealed again, waving a hand toward the bed to make it clear what she meant by ‘this.’ I knew she had a key to my room since both rooms were under her name, and I didn’t begrudge her using it to get help when she was worried about Kat. I just hadn’t expected I’d need to explain anything this soon.

“Clearly I’m fine,” Kat said with an embarrassed smile. “Sorry to worry you.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m just so happy for you guys!” Hanna grinned. “So when did this happen? Are you officially dating now?”

“Well, we, uh...” I mumbled.

The truth was, Kat and I hadn’t really defined anything yet. Last night had been unexpected and surreal. I hadn’t planned on kissing Kat. I didn’t regret it, or the stuff that happened after, but we’d never really discussed it beyond Kat’s confession of her feelings toward me, or my telling her I felt it too. Kat pulled her shirt on, meeting my eyes briefly before turning to Hanna.

“Nothing’s been decided between us yet,” she said. “Last night just kind of happened unexpectedly. We haven’t had a chance to talk about it.”

Hanna was clearly trying to contain her excitement, but I could tell she was dying to push us for more details.

“Come on, give me something here!”

“There’s nothing to give, Hanna,” I said. “Like Kat said, it just kind of happened, and then we fell asleep. I think we need to figure it out first.”

“Of course, of course,” Hanna said. “I’m not trying to pry, but … are you both, you know, happy?”

Kat and I exchanged a glance. I knew how I felt, but I didn’t want to speak for her. The look in her eyes, though, made it clear what her answer was.

“Yes. We’re both happy about it.”

“Oh my god! I’m so happy for you both!” she said, a huge grin on her face. “Okay, okay, I can take a hint. I’ll leave you two alone to … continue figuring things out.”

“I should really get going,” Kat said, a flush creeping up her cheeks. “I need to shower and get packed up so we can head home.”

She started to get up from the bed but then paused. Turning back, she leaned in and gave me a soft, lingering kiss. Aware we had an audience, Kat was a little pink with embarrassment as she pulled away, but she was also grinning.

“I’ll see you soon,” she said, grabbing Hanna’s hand and pulling our friend out of the room with her.

They’d already started to squeal and giggle as the door closed behind them. I ignored them, collapsing back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. My head was spinning, trying to process the last twelve hours. Kat confessing her feelings for me wasn’t a complete surprise. I’d always known she’d had a thing for me, although I’d chalked it up more to her condition than anything else. The surprising part was the realization that I actually felt the same way.

A part of me wished Kat and I had talked more last night, defined what we were to each other now. Hanna had asked a lot of questions that I had asked myself, and I kind of wished I had a better handle on what we were. This wasn’t like when I dated Sydney or Rhonda. There, the longer we dated, the better we got to know each other. Although in both those cases, that wasn’t actually a good thing since what I learned was that they weren’t right for me, it had at least been a progression. We’d increased our relationship the longer we dated and the more we got to know each other.

This was completely different. Kat and I were already best friends. I knew all about her, and she knew all about me. Would we just skip through those early days of dating? I mean, she’d told me she loved me before we ever kissed. And not the kind of love we’d experienced before that, the love between friends. If we started dating, we’d be jumping right into the deep end. It’d be zero to sixty in no time flat.

I knew I cared for Kat. Loved her, really. Or at least, I thought I did. But we needed to talk about it. She hadn’t been in a relationship that wasn’t controlled by her condition, and I’d never had a relationship last long enough to get to the place Kat and I were at now. If we didn’t do this right, we’d crash and burn, and ruin our friendship.

I shook off those thoughts. I could lay here all day, trying to analyze it, and just freak myself out. Better to get ready to head home and deal with everything else later.

Unfortunately, “later” didn’t include the car ride home. Although we had just over nine hours in the car, not getting back until almost six,  Hanna was with us, and this really felt like a conversation that should be between just Kat and me. Not that we didn’t have fun. We talked, sang along with the radio, and just enjoyed hanging out the entire drive. Kat was almost a completely different person on the drive home. While the egotistical side of me wanted to take credit for that, she also didn’t have the pressure of an upcoming competition like she’d had on the way up, so it was an easier situation for all of us.

It was still a long drive after a long week, so we were all tired when we finally pulled into the driveway. As we unloaded, I started to think through some of the things I wanted to say to Kat once we were inside, every word of which I forgot as soon as we opened the front door.

“Surprise!” a chorus of voices yelled, the lights flicking on the moment the front door opened.

Inside was a crowd of our friends and family. Besides the expected Mrs. Phillips, there was Chef, a bunch of friends from school, and even Lyla and Seth, who I wouldn’t have expected at a coming home celebration for Kat. A huge banner was hung from the upstairs railing that read “Welcome Home, Olympian!” across it, and I could see a stack of snacks on the kitchen table.

“You guys!” Kat exclaimed, her face lighting up. “This is incredible!”

Everyone swarmed around her, offering hugs and congratulations. I hung back, watching her interact with our friends. She looked so happy and carefree, and there was no way I was going to get in the way of that.

We hadn’t called ahead, so who knows how long they were all sitting in the dark, waiting for us to get home to surprise us. The party itself was a blast. I hadn’t seen my school friends in more than a month, since the very end of the last semester, and we hadn’t spent much time together during the year because of all my drama.

They made us tell the dramatic stories of all of Kat’s victories again and again. Most of the guests knew how good Kat was, having gone to see her swim for the school, but this was the first time Lyla or Seth, I think, really realized how talented she was. To them, she was our groupie, traveling around to shows and helping to work the merch table. I was glad she was getting the recognition she deserved.

It was late, and some people had to work the next day, so the party only lasted a few hours. But I think Kat really needed the recognition. Hanna and I had celebrated her, but having more people make such a big deal of her accomplishments, went a long way to increasing her confidence. As the last person left and we started cleaning up, my mind again turned to what I was going to say to Kat, now that it looked like we were going to get a quiet moment together.

Hanna, however, kept that from happening.

“So, I know you two probably want to talk,” she said, giving me a pointed look as she dumped napkins and plastic cups into a trash bag. “But I already told my mom about you two kissing last night.”

“You did what?” Kat said, nearly dropping the stack of plates she was carrying to the sink.

“I’m sorry!” Hanna held up her hands defensively. “But she asked how the trip went, and it just sort of came out. I didn’t go into details or anything, just that you two finally admitted you have feelings for each other.”

“Why would you tell her that before Charlie and I even had a chance to talk?” she said, setting the plates down with a clatter.

“Because this is a unique situation, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought Mom should know. At the very least. She cares about you both and wants you to be happy, but she also doesn’t want either of you getting hurt. And neither do I.”

“I have to agree,” Mrs. Phillips said, coming out of the kitchen before Kat could voice another objection. “This is a rather special circumstance.”

“Shouldn’t Kat and I be the ones to decide how it’s handled, though?” I asked. “Like I keep saying, we haven’t even had a chance to talk about it yet.”

“Of course you should, and I’m not saying we or anyone else should make decisions for you,” she said. “I just want you both to really think this through and maybe talk to Dr. Rothstein, see what he says about how this would affect, or be affected by, her condition.”

“I’d actually already thought of talking to him, but I really wanted to talk to Kat about it first.”

“Why would you go talk to him?” Kat said, turning on me. “I know why you did when I first started going to him, what with the agreement you and I had, but things are different now. I’m no longer using you as a crutch, and you haven’t talked to Dr. Rothstein about me since that first time.”

“I think you should talk to him. I just want to make sure I’m not going to end up hurting you, even if I don’t plan on it. I want to protect you, even if that means protecting you from myself. If that makes sense.”

“What does that mean for us, though? Are we … are we taking it all back?” she asked, looking almost scared.

“No, not at all. Nothing’s changed from last night. I meant everything I said then, and I still mean it now. I don’t regret what happened between us, and I’m definitely not taking anything back,” I said, stepping closer to her, putting my hands on her shoulders. “But we do need to make sure we’re doing this right. I just want both of us to talk to Dr. Rothstein first, to get his take. Then we can sit down together, talk through everything, and figure out where to go from here.”

Kat nodded slowly and said, “I’m just scared that if we stop and overthink this, it’ll never happen. That we’ll talk ourselves out of even trying.”

“We’re just putting a pin in it for a few days, that’s all. Neither of us is going anywhere, and I’m not having second thoughts. Once we make sure we aren’t walking into an even bigger problem, we’ll sit down and figure it out. Together.”

Kat let out a long breath, her shoulders sagging. “Okay, fine. We can both talk to Dr. Rothstein first.”

I smiled, relieved that she was willing to take this step. “Thank you. I know this isn’t exactly how you wanted this to go...”

“But it’s important we do this right,” Kat finished. “I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. I want to make one thing clear! I’m going to have you, one way or another! I’ve waited for almost two years for this, and I’m not going to give up on it now that we’re this close. So you better get on board.”

“So you’re the one in charge now, I see?” I asked, crooking an eyebrow.

“You bet your ass,” she said with a laugh.

I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, causing her to scrunch her nose.

“That’s how you’d kiss your sister,” she said, faux offended.

“I’m just trying to keep us from losing control of ourselves.”

“Uh-huh,” she said, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt and pulling me down toward her.

With the baggy clothes she usually wore, it was easy to forget just how strong she was. I barely got my wits about me as she smashed her lips against mine, putting her hand behind my head and holding me in place.

“Now,” she said, letting me go and taking a step back. “Go take a cold shower or whatever you need to do. I’m headed to bed.”

With that, she turned around and walked upstairs without a backward glance. I could only shake my head as Hanna and her mom laughed behind me at our antics.

Crisis averted, at least for today.

***

I slept in the next morning, and Kat was already gone by the time I got up. It was crazy that after finally finishing the competition she’d been training for months for, she was back to her exhausting training regimen. But apparently, the reward for making the Olympic team was more training. If anything, it was going to get worse since the level of competition in Tokyo was going to be even higher than what she’d experienced in Indianapolis.

Which meant I was back to being, more or less, on my own since Hanna had also left that morning to head back to Chapel Hill. Not that I was mad at either of them. They had responsibilities, and they’d waited for me plenty of times while I’d been off dealing with my stuff. Besides, now that we were back, I wanted to visit Willie.

My first step was to call Keenan and make sure Willie was awake before heading over there, like I did every time I visited. The only difference this time was that Keenan didn’t pick up. I tried again, and still no answer, which was pretty unusual. He was normally glued to his phone, so no answer was unusual.

After lying there in bed a few minutes longer, I decided to get up and go ahead and drive over there to check on Willie myself. Everything was probably fine, and he’d looked much better a week ago, but I had news I wanted to tell him, and I was a little worried.

To my surprise, Keenan’s truck was sitting out front when I got to Willie’s cabin. I pulled up next to it and was just getting out when the front door opened and he came out, carrying a large box.

“Keenan, is everything okay?”

“Huh?” he said, looking past the box and realizing he wasn’t alone.

“You weren’t answering your phone. Is everything okay?”

“Uhh, no, not really,” he said, setting the box down in the back of his truck. “Sorry, my phone is in the truck. Willie’s not here. He’s at the hospital in Asheville.”

“Is everything okay?” I repeated, this time with more concern.

“No. A couple of days ago, his condition took a turn for the worse, and he was really struggling. I took him down to the hospital, and they admitted him. I just came back to take care of some things and pick up some stuff he wanted.”

“Is he... is it bad?”

“I think so. They’re still running a lot of tests on him, but it’s clear that the good patch was only temporary.”

“Can I go see him?”

“That should be okay. I was there just over an hour ago, and he was awake. I’m going back up in probably another forty-five minutes or so. He’s in room thirteen ten.”

“Thanks, Keenan,” I said, hopping back into my car.

I drove as fast as I could, without getting pulled over, to the hospital in Asheville. The whole way there, my stomach was in knots, worried about how bad Willie would actually be when I got there. He’d looked so much better just a week ago, it was hard to wrap my head around it.

I hurried through the hospital, having a passing familiarity with it from my two previous stays, although I’d been in the pediatric wing. When I got to his room I hesitated though. Not that I’d changed my mind, but now that I was here, I was a little afraid of what I was going to find.

I peeked in hesitantly and saw Willie lying in the hospital bed. He looked thin and frail, with tubes and wires coming out from under the blanket. He was awake, and I guess the movement of me peeking in drew his attention because he turned to look my way, his face breaking into a grin as soon as he saw me.

“Charlie! Come on in,” he said warmly.

I stepped inside, almost sheepishly after being caught hiding outside, and pulled one of the chairs near the bed next to him.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, sitting down and gently taking his right hand in mine.

“Oh, I’m fine, don’t you worry none,” Willie said.

Considering where he was, we both knew that wasn’t exactly true.

Before I could argue or ask again, however, he said, “Come on now, tell me about the big swimming competition! How’d our girl do?”

“She blew everyone away,” I said, deciding to humor him and let him change the subject. She qualified in every race, including the fifteen hundred, although it was close. She even put up a new national record in the hundred meter. She’s already started her training for Tokyo next year.”

“Well, isn’t that something,” Willie said with a big smile. “I always knew that girl was destined for greatness.”

“Yeah,” I said, kind of trailing off, not really sure what else to say.

What I really wanted to do was talk about him, find out more about how he was doing, even though I knew that was the last thing he would want. Normally, Willie would have said more, asked more questions, to keep me from asking about his health, but today he just let his eyes droop as his breathing slowed, which was a testament to how bad he actually was.

Just when I thought he’d fallen asleep, he opened his eyes and asked, “Did you bring your guitar?”

“No, sorry. I was so worried, I rushed over without grabbing anything. I can bring it next time, though.”

“It’s okay,” he said, reaching over and weakly patting my hand. “I’m just glad to see you. Now, tell me about other things. You have a show comin’ up at the end of the week, right?”

He was talking about the second show he’d set up for us on Friday. Between everything with Kat and then finding out about Willie, I’d mostly put it out of my head.

“Yeah. We’re going to start working out the setlist this afternoon.”

“Good. Good. Make sure John knows I expect him to take care of you guys.”

“I’m sure he will,” I said.

I never even considered we’d have a problem. Everyone who knew Willie enough to owe him and still be on friendly terms, tended to be pretty stand-up. Even Eugene, who dodged me at our last show. It was clear there was more going on than I knew about. Although I had my suspicions, I didn’t hold his being distant against him.

We talked for almost another hour, sometimes with Willie asking questions and sometimes me just babbling on, trying to keep his spirits up. In spite of how frail he looked, and the weakness of his voice, he still had his usual enthusiasm, although it started to wane the longer we talked. His eyes would droop and he’d fall asleep for a moment, just to pop his eyes back open again. I wasn’t sure if it was the medicine or his condition, but he was definitely struggling to stay awake. In spite of that, every time I suggested I should leave and let him rest, he demanded I stay and would find something new for us to talk about.

Finally, a nurse made the decision for us. She’d come in to check on him and, seeing his eyes drooping, said I needed to leave and let him get some rest. That was probably for the best. It’d been clear to me that he needed to sleep for a while, but I couldn’t say no when he demanded I stay, saying he was okay.

“I’ll be back later this week,” I told Willie, patting his sheet-covered leg, although I wasn’t sure he’d heard me.

Part of me wanted to come back every day, but it was a hell of a drive and, at least on the days we had to play, I didn’t have time to make it down during visiting hours and get back in time for practice. I promised myself I’d come down if there was even a chance I’d be able to make it. Hopefully, he’d be back home before long, and it wouldn’t become too much of a problem.

Once outside his door, I stopped and waited. While I was glad to see Willie and get to talk to him, I didn’t have any more answers than when I’d left his cabin. A few moments later, the nurse who’d sent me out appeared.

“Excuse me, can I ask you something about his condition?” I asked.

The nurse gave me a polite but wary look. “I’m afraid I can only share information with family members.”

“Oh,” I said.

I vaguely knew there were privacy laws about medical stuff, so that made sense, although it made getting the answers I wanted harder.

“I’m just wondering how concerned I should be,” I said, trying a different track. “Willie never wants to worry anyone and won’t say how he’s actually feeling. He’d been doing so much better, and him being here came as a bit of a shock. I just want to know... is it really bad?”

The nurse hesitated, clearly unsure about saying anything.

She looked back at his room, to me, and back again before saying, “I’m not allowed to give specifics, but I can tell you that yes, his condition has taken a serious turn.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling myself deflate.

Although I’d had no reason to, I’d been harboring a hope she’d tell me this was just a bump in the process and he’d be back on his feet in no time. She hadn’t been specific, but the expression on her face said a lot more than her words had. Willie was doing very badly.

Seeing my face fall, she reached out and rubbed my arm, saying, “Spend time with him. It’s impossible to know how his condition will advance, but visits like this are important either way. And if he does continue to deteriorate... well, you don’t want to miss the few chances you have.”

“Okay,” I said, almost wearily. “Thanks for letting me know.”

The nurse gave me a sad, sympathetic look and patted my arm before heading off to continue her work. I stood there for several more minutes, just thinking.