Boob Hack No. 2365

Filled with comfort in knowing that one of my grander posts is right there on the horizon, I thought it might be a nice thing to pull a Mini Oprah, and broadcast one of My Favorite Things.

Apologies in advance for the general lack of decorum. Though, I can’t help but think that there might be a couple of you out there who are interested in seeing 3 a.m. me, no makeup and even less pretense.

In that spirit, one of these Favorite Things: maternity underwear. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I expect you all to be signed up to a newsletter or anything, so I won’t foul you if you don’t know what, exactly, that subcategory of a subcategory of specialty garb that entails. I kinds didn’t either, until recently… But basically, it’s panties for pregnant chicks, because if you think about it, when you’re pregnant, there’s not really anywhere from normal underwear to just kind of “sit.”

Maternity underwear, however, is a different thing. It just goes up all over the entire belly. Or in this case, considering I definitively hang at the waist these days, Over the Girls.

This stuff.

(Ed. Note: I am not pregnant. Nope! Just… making that clear. But! A couple of upcoming posts will make it seem… as if… you’ll see.)

Preggo clothes, in general, are unexpectedly handy, and as a genre of clothing, it’s something I’m beating myself up a little for not fully embracing earlier. At this point, I’m overflowing even my largest of (current) bras, and even if I weren’t… it’s not too bad. My center of gravity has proven to be agreeable (more than before, oddly) for just walking around the house sans support.

That’s where this underwear comes in. It kicks down the obscene jiggle factor by about… 15% (?), which isn’t nothing for a thin piece of whatever fabric. It’s moisture wicking, which is kind of cool. Especially since this has been the SUMMER of UNDERBOOB RASH. 😭 And, I dunno. It just makes me feel a little more… contained.

But another unexpected benefit is that it keeps my nipples all safe and sound. I’m a little surprised you can’t see them in this picture, but I guess that’s kind of the point? I’ve known a couple of marathon runners, the kinds of people whose nipples bleed long before they get to 26.2. Doesn’t really happen with me, but it’s not like I need any extra help in the sensitivity department. This just keeps those fragile bits away from whatever shirt I’m wearing.

Still certainly not 100% kosher for greeting even the most chill of Amazon delivery guys, (or the kindly LDS folks [!] — that’s a story!), but? It balances things out in life.

Love you. I hope it’s a good Tuesday. 😘