Ranking Every Hazbin Hotel Song script

Intro:

So we all agree that our Spotify Wrapped is gonna be dominated by the Hazbin Hotel soundtrack, right? I don’t know what the hell they put into these songs, but they slap, and most of them have been trapped in my brain cage for weeks.

So today, we’re gonna go through my personal ranking of the soundtrack from worst to best. Shouldn’t need to specify this, but this is all subjective. If I don’t adore one of your favorites, please don’t take it personally… or do, so long as you drive engagement, I guess. I can’t control you.

Now without further ado, let the chaos commence.

Number 16, Welcome to Heaven:

Yeah, this  is the one song I always forget exists. It’s not bad, by any means, but it feels very arbitrary. Like obviously we’re gonna have a song to introduce us to Heaven given how important it is narratively. But nothing about it really grips me, and the more I think about it, maybe it’s because it’s about Heaven.

The songs I tend to love usually are more about character conflicts or relationships, but this one is basically just about introducing a realm, so it doesn’t feel very character driven. As a result, it feels very dry and forgettable when all’s said and done.

Though I will say, I do like the subtle touches here with Emily being genuinely excited to show Charlie and Vaggie around, contrasted with Sera subtly going, “Remember you can’t stay here you filthy fucking hellspawn.” Fuck Sera, she gets no rights.

Number 15, More Than Anything reprise:

Now this… I might be killed for. Look, it’s adorable and lovely, and I’m here for the sapphics getting their cute little moment. Erika and Stephanie’s voices are beautiful, and they go together perfectly. And personally, I’m a fan that Vaggie has the deeper speaking voice, but the higher singing voice. It’s everything.

But the song is also so short, that I can’t help but have it placed here. It’s not bad at all, but the other songs just do too much to fall below this one. And I do get why the visuals are so simple. It’s meant to be an understated, intimate moment between Charlie and Vaggie, so the usual over-the-top choreography would kill that vibe. But ultimately, I must follow my heart, and my heart says that despite how sweet this is, it must go here.

Number 14, Ready For This:

This was a song I was extremely excited for when I heard it in the trailer. But uh… it didn’t exactly live up to my expectations. The parts of the song that I love are the choruses, where Charlie and the cannibals are asserting that they’re going to stand their ground against the exorcists. The melody is really what hooks me.

Where the song kinda loses me is… the verses. They’re not bad, but they sound so silly musically and lyrically that they clash against the choruses, and not in a complementary way. Like, yes, we’re trying to get the cannibals on our side, and it’s kinda funny that we have to emphasize them being able to eat angel wings to get them on our side. But I was kinda hoping for more emotion in this number than comedy.

I was expecting this to be the “Ready As I’ll Ever Be” moment of the show, and… it’s not. Maybe that’s on me for not appreciating the song as it is, and I will say the verses have definitely grown on me. But I still don’t quite love it enough to rank it any higher.

Number 13, It Starts With Sorry:

This one has definitely grown on me. It serves as the beginning of Sir Pentious’ little redemption arc, and I love that for him. The melody is sweet, almost feeling like a lullaby, which works perfectly for Charlie reaching out to give Pentious a second chance. And also contrasts hilariously with Vaggie and Angel feeling just a tad homicidal.

Visually, huge fan of the little pink cloud Charlie walks on, and the clouds visualizing Pentious’ sins, blown up by “Sorry” fireworks. It’s a bit more visually understated than some of the other songs, but that tracks given this is meant to be a more lowkey, sincere moment.

And generally, I’m a huge fan of the fact that major character beats and plot points like this are portrayed via song. It really drives home that Pentious is genuinely on the path to redemption, and that Charlie means it when she says she wants to help sinners atone.

And yes, Pentious’ voice makes it a bit… silly, but I appreciate the fact he stays in-character. I mean, it’s meant to be the characters themselves singing to us to tell the story, and as such, the music is inseparable from the show itself. That’s kinda how it should be when you make a musical, at least in my book. Plus, the silliness adds to the moment’s levity, so… hell yeah.

Number 12, Whatever It Takes:

I must say, I’ve really come to appreciate the paralleling of Vaggie and Carmilla. Both want to protect what they hold dear, but are taking incredibly different approaches to do so. Not to mention their voices are perfectly complementary.

I’m definitely more a fan of Vaggie’s part of the song, since I care more about her as a character, but I do enjoy Carmilla’s part… at least, musically. In terms of visuals, Vaggie’s half is far more interesting given she’s climbing the hotel, leaning off the top of the pirate ship to sing to the sky, looking across the city of Hell, and up to Heaven, her former home, high in the maroon sky.

But Carmilla… well, hers is more understated, with her just looking out the window and holding her daughters. It’s another case where it seems the more intimate, emotionally heartfelt songs try to be more lowkey, but I feel like Carmilla’s half needed something more. Because while Vaggie’s visuals feel lowkey yet captivating, Carmilla’s visuals feel very bland.

Will say though, the silhouette of Vaggie’s sharper, more angular hair flowing in the wind with the ribbons? It’s everything, bitch. I don’t know, more characters need to sing from the tops of pirate ships as the flowy bits of their designs sway in the breeze, I guess.

Number 11, Finale:

As the ending number of the season, I absolutely love that this song lowkey reprises “Happy Day In Hell.” It starts somber, with Charlie in shock over Pentious’ death and the hotel’s destruction, only for the music to grow brighter as Lucifer and her friends remind her of all the good this has all done. We love effectively communicating story through song.

Everyone else now sharing Charlie’s optimism really warms my heart, with the characters enthusiastically rebuilding the hotel bigger and better than ever. It seems this song is less about the characters reflecting on this season, and more about their excitement towards a new beginning. That goes for the Vees, and Alastor.

Which makes sense, given season 1 really felt like it was more about establishing everything than anything else. My personal favorite part of the song is the final chorus where we really commit to the “Happy Day in Hell” reprise. I’m just a sucker for all the characters coming together to go, “Yeah, we lived, and we’re gonna crush tomorrow.”

Number 10, Stayed Gone:

It feels like this is one everybody else loves, but I… am kinda meh on. I mean, I adore the visuals, and I very much enjoy this messy conflict between Vox and Alastor. But because Vox himself isn’t all that important in season 1, it leads me to kinda dismiss the importance of this number compared to the others.

The reason why it’s here on the list though is because of the visuals. The way they communicate Vox’s power through television and broadcast, as well as how deeply insecure he is about people paying even a little attention to Alastor, is highkey what makes this song as fun as it is.

Really, I only love the song when Alastor joins in, because this Strawberry Pimp learning the phrase “That’s the tea” gives me so much life, and revitalizes my will to live.

Number 9, Happy Day In Hell:

Now this is Charlie’s Disney Princess number. It explains her goal of convincing Heaven that redeeming sinners is possible, while endearing you to her character, and giving you a better idea of the realm she’s trying to help. In terms of story, this song’s doing a lot more than it may appear at first glance.

Charlie’s warmth is infectious. She genuinely loves her realm and its people, even as they swear at her, or casually die horrifically behind her. And ya know what? I salute that. That’s really what sells Charlie as a great protagonist to me.

Also love Vaggie singing all the way from the hotel as Charlie looks up at it, contrasting Charlie’s ignorant optimism with Vaggie’s jaded cynicism. Cuz, ya know, Vaggie knows that the angels, especially the exorcists, are bloodthirsty monsters, whereas Charlie is still taking them in good faith.

At first if you’re not listening closely, you might think Vaggie’s calling the people of hell “bloodthirsty and deranged.” But nah. She’s talking about the angels. And yeah, she’s correct.

Number 8, Hell’s Greatest Dad:

Okay, we must all admit: we’re all trash for how much Lucifer and Alastor hate each other. It’s not really enemies to lovers, given Alastor is an aro-ace icon, but the way these two continually cannot stand each other and drive each other mad always guarantees a good time for the audience.

This song is the encapsulation of that. Alastor tries to pitch himself as a father figure to Charlie solely to troll Lucifer, and Lucifer’s response is, “Fuck you, you strawberry pimp, behold my golden violin!”

I love how over-the-top all the visuals are: Lucifer cooking Alastor and serving up his sever head; all the opulent imagery with slot machines and fountains Lucifer offers up. And the COLORS?! Bitch, the animators went hard on this.

The part where the song loses me is… Mimzy. Yeah, I don’t like Mimzy. I get it, y’all hardcore fans probably knew who she was already, but I shouldn’t have to do wiki research to know who a character is. Mimzy’s introduction just completely kills the song’s momentum, and yeah, maybe that’s the point, but sometimes, points are bad. Like this one.

But before Mimzy shows up, this song is top-tier.

Number 7, Out For Love:

This is where the Vaggie and Carmilla parallel comes full circle. However, this one isn’t a duet, with Carmilla doing all the singing, which… I am sad about. I wish this got to be a duet, but for what it’s worth I’m still a huge fan of both Carmilla’s voice, and the abundance of Spanish guitar. Fuck yes.

And the message of the song is one I’m very much onboard with. That you’re fighting for the people you love, defending them to the last breath no matter what. Even the line, “Protect them and be out,” feels like it’s telling you not to indulge in carnage. To just do what you need, and then be done.

What really places the song here though is how fucking catchy it is. This feels like it could be a proper pop song divorced from the context of the show, especially since any ordinary person who doesn’t know about Hazbin could potentially hear Carmilla’s voice, and think she’s just an ordinary singer rather than a character.

Number 6, More Than Anything:

Jeremy Jordan has the voice of an angel… I swear, I didn’t intend that to be a pun while I was writing it. But hearing his ballad as Lucifer confesses his pain after what Heaven did to him, and his fear that Charlie will meet the same fate, really gets me.

Erika and Jeremy’s voices go together seamlessly, and the visuals with them flying together through what appears to be a red-and-gold, ethereal circus tent, is just… it’s so fucking beautiful. And the light coming through the broken windows and doors of the hotel on Charlie’s side, giving her father hope? FUCK YES.

And who could forget baby Charlie being in awe of her father’s visions? The fucking seraph swan with six wings, just like Lucifer, only for a faceless Lilith to take Charlie away? Heartbreaking, but IMMACULATE. Both musical and visual storytelling.

It’s an estranged father and daughter finally getting on the same page, communicating their feelings with each other, and it’s so sweet. It’s nice to see this kinda relationship in media, where a parental relationship doesn’t have to be fully discarded, but instead can be salvaged.

Number 5, Poison:

Admittedly, this is one I’m not as fond of, mostly cuz it had to share an episode with “Loser, Baby,” and solely because of that, “Poison” kinda fell off my radar. But it’s still a great number, communicating the dire straits Angel finds himself in while under contract by Valentino.

It’s a tragic song, where Angel fully knows he’s in a terrible situation, but can’t do much as his soul is literally owned by Val. He can’t help but continue to drink the poison offered by Val. And in the end, he’s come to view himself as a poison, as Val has broken down his self-esteem and sense of self.

It’s arguably the darkest song on the soundtrack, masked by pop melodies, great vocals, and stellar visuals. The visuals themselves really communicate just how undesirable Angel’s situation is, and it can be a difficult watch as a result, especially for those who’ve been in toxic or abusive relationships.

And for that reason, in getting the audience to empathize with Angel’s situation, it kinda just belongs in the top 5 for me.

Number 4, Hell Is Forever:

Oh my God, this is one of the best villain numbers I’ve ever heard. It starts with Charlie trying to reprise “Happy Day in Hell,” but Adam ain’t havin’ it. Like, “Gurl, it’s Hell. You’re not supposed to have happy days.”

It communicates Adam and the angels’ disdain for sinners, and how hypocritical they are. They claim to be morally superior inherently, which is what allows them to do reprehensible things and not bat an eye, because it’s okay when they do the killing. Does a great job in capturing how these kinds of people really don’t believe in the virtues they tout, but instead use them to bludgeon those they view as inferior.

Also, huge fan of the visuals, with Charlie floating up to Heaven’s gates, the literal pot of sinners’ blood and bones, all the clouds that Adam floats on as the sun burns behind him, almost as obnoxiously bright as his ego? I approve.

Though I will say, I wish the soundtrack version removed Charlie’s little comments while Adam sings. I get why they’re present for the show version, but on the soundtrack, I kinda just wanna hear Adam. Like, if you removed her quips, nothing about the song’s story would change, so… yeah.

Number 3, Respectless:

Oh my God, I should not love this one as much as I do, but I  can’t help it. I’m a sucker for Carmilla and Velvette’s voices, ESPECIALLY Velvette’s. Seeing Velvette flaunt her ego while challenging the overlords, all to get a response out of Carmilla? Now that is some quality conflict.

The visuals don’t go as hard as they could, but I do live for Velvette walking along the table and getting in the overlords’ faces. I love the Spanish guitar coming into play when Carmilla starts singing, and I am OBSESSED with Velvette’s wordplay. Out of all the songs on this list, this one has been the most stuck in my head.

Though… I wish Alastor’s little comment stayed in the soundtrack version. Yes, I know I complained about Charlie’s quips staying in the soundtrack version of “Hell Is Forever,” but Alastor’s doesn’t intrude upon Carmilla and Velvette’s singing, and it’s deeply funny. To me at least. Strawberry Pimp Rights.

Number 2, Loser, Baby:

This one was probably the breakout hit of the show, and most people’s favorites, and for good reason. I’m a huge fan of Husk meeting Angel where he is emotionally, commiserating with him rather than trying to force him to think positively about a situation that… yeah, it just sucks.

It lets you own how your life is a trainwreck with a smile on your face. And ya know what? Given how on fire the world has been the last few years, we all fucking need this, so bless. And shoutout to Keith David for his angelic vocals. The contrast between Husk and Angel’s voices is magnificent.

I utterly adore these two’s friendship. A lot of folks ship these two, and honestly, I’d be down for it. I wasn’t expecting them to be as close as they are, but their connection is so wholesome and precious, not to mention really goes to show how friendship can help you to survive awful situations.

So… yeah, this one is S tier. I fucking adore it. But there’s one that tops it for me… no, that wasn’t meant to be a pun, but we’re gonna roll with it, baby.

Number 1, You Didn’t Know :

Okay, when I say a song in a musical should advance the plot, THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. THIS IS THE BLUEPRINT. We have Emily pointing out how Angel has done all that’s required to be redeemed, yet Sera’s like, “Um, no, lol.”

The way the music gets more intense as Charlie stands her ground, belting desperately to get the heavenly court on her side, then shifting into the “Hell Is Forever” reprise with Adam and Lute dehumanizing and condemning Angel Dust? OOH, the way I get as heated as Charlie.

But then using that to accidentally reveal the Extermination to Emily and the other angels? Sera trying to defend it as there’s a bloodthirsty, crazed look of hellfire in her eyes? Emily risking becoming fallen as she and Charlie read Heaven for filth? And the culmination in Vaggie being revealed as an angel and former exorcist? THIS IS A CHEF’S KISS.

I often hear people complain about there being too much plot progression in these songs, with the shifting melodies and the sheer number of characters involved, and I’m like, “Wow, we’ve really lost the understanding of what music can do for a story, haven’t we?” Like, I ADORE this moment because it’s done through a musical number. All these revelations wouldn’t hit nearly as hard if they were just ordinary scenes.

The music elevates every character beat and conflict going on in this room, transforming it into a digestible, memorable moment that has quite literally burned itself into the lines of film between my brain’s dendrites. This is everything I want from anything claiming to be a musical. More plot events as musical numbers, please. Actually, no please, I’m demanding it.

Conclusion & Outro:

So… yeah. There’s my personal ranking of Hazbin Hotel’s soundtrack. What’s your favorite song, and why? How much do you wanna murder me for dissing your personal favorite? How long do you think it’ll take to track me down and gut me? Share your ideas in the comments!

I’m the Unicorn of War, heaven is a lie, and also heaven is a shit show.