Tortle Tank Submissions!

Wow I know this is late but here goes: "Sheeeells up steamy tortles and the lowly lowly bailif Cake i guess. I bring to you a no-nonsense item for true D&D enthusiasts, a magical item, the Bud-Heavy Spellfridge. I only ask for 1 Bud-Heavy in exchange for 69% of this business and 8.9% of all sales in perpetuity along with all my previously acquired eggs...(please take them even if you decide not to be in and therefore out as I am allergic to them and am swelling up as we speak). So without further ado I present the Bud-Heavy Spellfridge. Have you or a loved one ever needed just one extra spell in a battle or perhaps an icy cold beverage to lift your spirits after the tide has turned against you? Look no further than the Bud-Heavy Spellfridge for all your beverage and spell related needs! As an object interaction *anyone* can open this compact mini-fridge, and you'll never guess what's inside! That's right, it's a spell that *someone* put in there earlier...unfortunately you never know what spell it is exactly until you open the fridge and it is cast automatically! You must then make a spell save DC against the original caster of the spell, but don't worry friend...if you fail instead of casting the spell automatically you simply receive an iced cold Bud-Heavy for your trouble. If you pass the spell DC you can make a Dexterity save to get out of the way or aim the fridge at an unsuspecting NPC or BBEG. What secrets or spells lie in the depths of this compact, lightweight, easy to use fridge? We may never know...but we can all agree that an iced cold Bud-Heavy is welcome in any adventure. I shellfishly await your wet handshake of friendship. P.S. Not Balnor P.P.S. No, really, it isn't I just like Bud-Heavy. P.P.P.S. Please stop reading and remember to open your nearest mini-fridge. "

StormBreaker

Shello and well-met, esteemed Tortles. I have leapt out of the One Big Bed and into in the One Wet Tank, lying prostrate before your grandiose heap of leathery yet succulent eggs. I am running a very potion centric campaign in a pastel colored gothic sci fi world. In this world there is a dominant alchemical corporation which mass produces low quality (yet delicious) potions. However, in a potion centric campaign, the stakes of death are often diminished when the players have near constant access to life saving potions. Introducing: FLASK BLAST, a potion/energy drink that is far cheaper (and tastier) than your standard artisan-made potion. However, it comes with the simple caveat that it cannot restore health to an unconscious creature. I have also created several flavors of Flask Blast that equate to the different tiers of healing potions, but I wont bore you with the details. Get yours today at your nearest Fitz & Flask dispensary or fantasy vending machine!  Tortles, for 50% of the mass produced homebrewed potions i ask only for a measly 50 of your thinnest yet most glistening eggs. Thank you for your time.

Aaron Aposhian

I know this is late but I just had to present my idea to the great Tortles! “Alright, DM, picture this: our heroes are in the heat of battle, backs against the wall, when suddenly—bam! They decide to team up like an epic tag-team wrestling duo! One holds their action, waiting for their buddy to strike first, and then boom, they both attack in perfect sync! If they both land their hits, they get a little damage boost, but more importantly, it makes them look like the D&D equivalent of a perfectly choreographed dance-fight from an 80s action movie! And of course, it gives you, the all-powerful DM, a chance to narrate how awesome and cinematic it looks. Imagine the flavor you can add with that!” “Synchronized Strike (Reaction, Action Hold): You can choose to hold your action to attack at the same time as an ally on their turn. If both attacks land, each attacker deals an additional 1d4 damage due to the coordination of the assault. This bonus increases as the teamwork becomes tighter, adding +1d4 every 5 levels. The DM may describe this team-up attack in any dramatic, over-the-top fashion they see fit, like a pair of swords flashing in tandem or a coordinated magical volley sending sparks flying. Failure to land both attacks results in a… slightly less glamorous scene, but hey, it’s still pretty cool.” This way, it’s fun, it’s dynamic, and the DM gets some cool narrative control while also making teamwork rewarding for the players!

Natex

Hello my esteemed Tortles. I present before you finally the answer to the initiative Nat 20 and before I immediately lose Tortle Murphy I think even the most skeptical would approve. It's simple you chose when you go in initiative. Essentially stating what a Nat 20 embodies the perfect execution meaning you are initiating your action flawlessly. Yes Tortle Murph for some that is going absolutely first and they are still satisfied but what if you want to act at the end of a round maybe throw some heals after combat has started so you forgo you place down a few turns. Maybe like at my table you have started using a previously presented case of shared initiative now with a Nat 20 you can link up with your favorite partner. We've been using it for a year now and have had wonderful results. I need to get to my emails sooner 😩 I thought this was for next week. Leaving it incase you comb these for next time.

Brian C Nickerson

Hey, the html of the page you linked needs fixing. two of the invocations are off stage right and unreadable. Jsyk.

McNugz

All good ideas! To make the DM's job easy, we could limit the creatures it could be used on to ones that explicitly have spellcasting, and set the max possible spell slot to be stolen equivalent to the challenge rating of the monster? For most campaigns, I don't think you'd need to limit this item as hard as I'm suggesting here, but there are campaigns where a player would try to capture and carry around some small creature that could cast spells and beat that metaphorical horse for spell slots 😬

William Hinrichs

Salubrious and Wise Tortles I have a fix to what I feel is one of 5e's more egregious problems; that is the issue of making healing only efficient when the target has reached zero hitpoints and the resultant ricochet of coming up only to be knocked down the turn after. My solution (that has seen positive responses in a 3 year campaign) is simple, hp can go into the negatives. Like the rules for massive damage a player can have an amount of negative HP equal to their max hp and all negative hp must be cured before a player or creature can regain any "real" hit points and come back to consciousness. To not make this rule too deadly I added the stipulation that any healing (magical or not) stops the players from having to roll death saving throws, though they remain unconscious. This solves the problem of people just waiting for someone to go down before they heal them and makes preemptive healing far more valuable allowing dedicated healers to feel like a bastion against death. It also means that large slow brutes that hit hard once are just as scary as a horde of little skeletons poking you for minor damage (since any monster that only swings once a round basically cannot threaten a player death in 5e barring some really bad rolls). I will say this does make the game more tense which was a positive for me and my players but may not be for all tables. I'm proposing 30% equity of this idea in exchange 8d8 tortle eggs and an equivalent number of negative eggs (whatever those happen to be)

Cameron S

Salutations Tortles! I'm gonna cut right down to brass tacks and present to you my Critical Miss mechanic. Here's how it works: While in combat, natural 20's (critical hits) are often the cause of much celebration among players during combat. The feeling of being rewarded in such a big way for rolling the highest possible attack you could feels great, and rules as written clearly agree with that sentiment. However, there has never (to my knowledge) been any significant cost for rolling a natural one during combat. In fact, the only time natural ones are honored as being significantly worse than any other roll in game are when rolling death saves. Well, me and the rest of the players at my table say "Nay!" to this prospect. If nat 20's are honored, so should nat 1's! When you critically miss a target of attack, the target my use their reaction to perform an attack of opportunity on the attacker, if they have to range to do so. Its a simple yet effective mechanic, and I feel that it allows for the action economy to have some more variety when it comes to reactions, and variety IS the spice of life. I am willing to part with 100% ownership of my company in exchange for one shoutout to my father Chris Rutter from Mr. Zac Oyama (he is a big fan and it would make his week I'm sure). If not, I'll just take one kiss from each tortle. Thank you kindly!

JumpTrash

I think the Nat 1 idea is a nice sentiment, but I can't being myself to sour a Nat 20. So I'd suggest dropping the Nat 1 side if it, which I have and it works fine. There have been one or two hot streaks but players rarely ever changer my/DM dice. Anytime I saw lots of FPs being hoarded that's when a particularly spicy (but largely inconsequential) encounter occurs. They blow off steam and feel badass while not breaking the story. You can also cap FP hoarding so things don't go totally mental

Barlosaur

Tortles! I have for you, a fix for leveled magical healing spells. I have used this rule at all of my tables for the past 5 years and I have never found it broken (including with life cleric!) and have only found it actively making my players feel that they can take bigger swings and I have the confidence to keep things punchy during combat. We all know that healing spells diminish in value from caster level 3-11 (some of the most formative and vital levels! Some campaigns don't even make it to 10!) Well I have, for you and you alone, a solution to your healing woes. I call it the "healing bonus multiplier." It's very simple. You multiply your casting modifier (wis, int, cha) by the level of the spell! So say you cast cure wounds at a second level, your healing would be 2d8+(modifier x 2), at a third level, x3, etc. Presuming a modifier bonus of at least +3 or 4 at low levels and rising as you level up, this greatly increases the effectiveness of healing in combat which keeps pace with the encounter damage. It just makes sense, Tortles! Why should a second or third level spell be worse than two first level spells! The Wizard is out here casting fireball and doing 8d6 damage to multiple enemies, why should a healer be doing 3d8+mod to one person for the same level spell? It just makes sense. I'm willing to part with 40% profit of this idea with an initial investment of 9d8 eggs + (my intelligence modifier x 9) Unfortunately, I am a scientist(geologist), so if Murph: the No-Chortle-Tortle decides that he is against this idea, that's something that I'll have to accept. For those worried about having to do math during combat, just write 4x3=12 on your character sheet. I shouldn't have to do everything for you.

The Wizard Spring

Arguably more concerning than a virus

just a little bawn

Not a submission, but just wanted to bring these to your attention in case you're not aware yet: https://www.ebay.com/itm/255856341861 I know random links can be sketchy. Don't worry, it's not a virus...it's just the Grinch

Alec Posta

Hey, Tortles. And a special hello to the little baby turtle Jake. One of my players, a Wild Magic Sorcerer, wanted to combine non-offensive spells' effects with offensive spells (i.e. Casting Fireball + Mirror Image to have illusory versions of herself casting illusory Fireballs). This seemed very strong but she's a super creative player and it sounded fun, so I came up with a system to balance it out; giving her a huge risk versus this huge reward. I call it the Wild Magic Storm. When the caster combines spells, the boundless magic within her threatens to manifest. She and every ally within 30 feet of her must make a d20 roll. If the average of their rolls is below 10, a Wild Magic Storm emerges. This manifests as a moving storm of randomly chosen magic summoned around the caster. The storm constantly seeks the caster when summoned, has 15 feet movement speed and moves last in the turn order, but the caster can use an Action to roll 1d20 and take control of it with a roll of 18-20. The storm lasts for 1 minute or until the caster gains control of it and dismisses it. The Storm is a 20-foot radius Sphere. When it is manifested, roll 1d4 to choose from the magic effects below. Anyone who enters the storm (either willingly entering or being overtaken by the storm) or ends their turn inside of it must make a save equal to the caster's spell DC + 3 to avoid its effects. • Banishment (Charisma save. A creature is banished to a demiplane) • Invisibility (Constitution save. A creature is rendered Invisible) • Elemental Storm (Roll 1d6 for the storm type: Ice Storm, Fire Storm, Acid Storm, Lightning Storm, Knife Storm/Magical Piercing dmg, Explosion Storm/Force dmg. Dexterity save; 4d6 damage; half damage on Success) • Polymorph (Wisdom save. A creature is transformed into a creature of the DM's choice as dictated by the rules of the Polymorph spell) That's my Wild Magic Storm idea, Tortles. I'm willing to offer you 100% ownership of this homebrew in exchange for giving me trademark rights to Sweet Blue Hole. Thanks.

Alexander Thomas

William, you bring some excellent points up. You’re getting an exclusive offer to go in with me on the ground floor, 50/50 partnership on all Tortle related rewards/punishments/responsibilities off Mana Gloves. I hear you on the D20 + arcana, being too high, happy to switch to another dice. I was thinking D12 since our Tortles love a good D12. I was also worried about the DM being overloaded with the level of spell slot rewarded on the fly. I couldn’t think of a better solution. Would it be too much extra planning to factor in spell slot available to steal while planning encounters? What if a creature only had one spell slot PCs could take like a video game enemy drop? Aka goblins always have only one level, no matter the level of the goblin. I definitely don’t want PCs to be able to get more than one spell slot, no matter how successful. And 9th level being super rare like they hit it on Thiala BBEG type thing. Maybe it could be a 3 times per day item like Calder’s helm? Would you like to make a slimy, wet but also sticky business handshake to solidify our joint venture in the Magic Retrieval Tech industry?

Huascar Holguin

This is a cool idea!! My immediate concern is D20 + arcana feels like it would be a really big number for spell slots! Maybe switching to a smaller die and/or adding only the proficiency bonus, since that would treat all casters similarly, as not all casters would have a high arcana score (some bars subclasses get expertise, wizards would tend towards higher arcana than sorcerers, etc.)? My fear is that on a D20 + arcana, a wizard will always be getting a 9th level spell slots regardless of what they roll. If you're planning on letting one attack grant multiple spell slots, where the player gets to treat the d20+arcana as a pool to take spell slots from, it could really bog down their future turns as they have another recourse they'd need to make a choice about, also, it could add work for the DM to try and balance on the fly if they're the ones determining how high of a spell slots they should grant upon each attack. Super cool potential as this introduces another dicey/risky avenue for spellcasters if they're in a desperate place, and picturing this working or not working in a battle feels super cinematic!!

William Hinrichs

Greetings Tortles! I bring before you, the Crit-Combo system! One of the things I felt was missing from the game of Dungeons and Dragons, was combat synergy amongst the team. In order to have more of a team-attack feeling, I developed the Crit-Combo system. The Crit-Combo System: When you land a critical hit, you will now have the option to start a c-c-c-combo! Here’s how it works: When you crit on an attack, you can now opt to trigger a combo. As a reaction, the next player in initiative will be able to use their reaction to move up to half their speed and attack the original target. This next attack will be made with advantage. The dc for a crit will also be lowered by 1. If the next player also crits, that will trigger a combo to the next player in initiative as well, lowering the threshold for a critical again by 1. This can continue until the combo reaches the player who originally attacked, then the combo ends. Ex: The barbarian uses his reckless attack and rolls a natural 20! He chooses to trigger a combo, he rolls his damage and then it is the warlock’s turn in the combo since she is next in initiative. The warlock can now crit if she rolls a 19 or a 20. She chooses to not move and rolls to hit with an eldritch blast. She rolls a 19, triggering another combo! The warlock rolls her damage and the combo moves on to the fighter. Since the fighter is a champion, he crits on a 19 or 20 usually, but since there have been two successful combos triggered, the threshold is lowered by 2, meaning the champion fighter can now crit on a 17, 18, 19 or 20! However, the champion fighter only rolls a 15 on the die, ending the combo. He rolls his damage, if he hits, and we go back to the barbarian to finish his turn. I am seeking your wettest egg in return for 3.14% of the pi.

Alex Goveo

Hello Tortles, today i bring before you a never before seen magical item! BEHOLD! The Fugly Stick! This gnarled quarter staff not only deals 1 d8 of bludgening damage but on a successful hit you can expend 1 of 3 charges to disfigure your victim so bad their allies will see them as a hostile monster upon failing their dc 15 con saving throw and they will remain disfigured until they are either beaten back into shape upon a successful attack or healed to fix their new cruel fate. In return for this magical item all i ask is that you share "some of your time" , perhaps to discuse more of my wares? Surely as tortles you have some time to spare?

Tykora

Great Tortles Lords, I present to you the ROD OF THE LODGER. A convenient solution for traveling adventures in need of shelter, and fairly common wondrous item that can be purchased at most magical retailers for a meer 10 gold pieces. (Description: “A magical rod topped with a crystal orb with a coin slot in the base. A faint purple light can be seen emitting from inside the slot.” Once its user inserts a coin into the slot, the rod gains a charge, which can be used to create an effect depending on the value of the coin inserted. Platinum: The rod can be used to cast Mordekainen’s Magnificent Mansion Gold: The rod can be used to cast Leomund’s Tiny Hut. Silver: The rod can be used to summon a 15x15ft nonmagical shed with a soft, carpeted floor, which disappears after 8 hours. Copper: The rod can be used to summon a nonmagical tent large enough to fit two people, which disappears after 8 hours. Once the charge is used, the rod loses all power and can't be used again until 1d4 days.) But what your players don't need to know is that any coin inserted into the rod is teleported to the hoard of Odalphixe the Proprietor, and ancient dragon and a cunning businessman. I am simply asking, on behalf of my master Odalphixe, for your shiniest and most fertile of eggs to be donated to their hoard, in return for 5% of initial sales. And may I add, I'm a big fan of the podcast. And, should you refuse this offer, I will be praying for Odalphixe to take mercy on your mortal souls. 😊

Sid Dickless

Crits don't roll double dice. If your crit on an attack you roll normal damage and then add Max Rollable dice to that total after words. I.E.... rouge crits on sneak attack. Rouge rolls 3d6 and 1d4 they roll 11 damage so their crit does 11+22+3. The 3 is just the basic plus with no die value allotted to it

dustin frasier

Torttiliani lords and lady, I bring you a humble mechanic that is simple but effective much like pepper to mayo. I’m sure many do this. The 3 and out rule for PCs getting KO’d. If a PC is downed 3 times in combat they make one death save, if successful they are KOd for the rest of combat if failed they pass on to the spirit realm. Hope you had fun kid. This puts and end to the situations where a PC suffers the cycle of healed up a minor amount only to be downed again before their turn. I’m sure your sound judgment would suggest that you know your eggs would be well laid in this venture.

Nick G

Hello Torts and Tortettes. Today, I present my homebrew mechanic that I love to use when I DM harsh, gritty, resource-limited campaigns: a ruleset for Food-Based Healing. To preface, this ruleset is NOT for everyone and should only be applied to parties interested in an unforgiving, survival-oriented setting. However, I think you baked-bean-loving Tortles will enjoy a campaign every day with a full belly feels like a triumph that nourishes the body and spirit, and every night on an empty stomach feels like a cruel act of fate that mercilessly drains an adventurer's vitality. Bear with me, as this ruleset includes several mechanics you can use as-is or modify to suit your needs. 1) Long Rests and Healing: Long rests don’t fully heal automatically. To recover health, players must Scavenge, Cook, and Eat a meal. 2) Scavenge: If players don’t buy food, they need to Scavenge. The player states their method (e.g., foraging, hunting, fishing) and rolls 1d100, adding bonuses from Nature or Survival and one other skill at the DM's discretion (e.g., Athletics for chasing prey, Stealth for sneaking, or Performance for luring bullywugs with a mating call). The DM uses a d100 table to determine ingredient quality. For example, a foraging roll of 1-15 results in finding poisonous, diarrhea-inducing berries, while a roll of 100 or above results in rare medicinal herbs with healing properties. 3) Cook: Ingredient quality impacts cooking results. Ingredient bonuses can range from -5 to +5 bonuses based on the Scavenge roll. The cook then rolls 1d20 + Ingredient Bonus + Cooking Skill Bonus. This new Cooking Skill can be based on DEX (technical skill), INT (recipe knowledge), or WIS (taste testing). Remember, ingredients aren’t everything; an expert chef can turn poisonous fugu into a delicacy, while an awful cook might turn A5 Wagyu into a charcoal brick. 4) Eat: Each player who eats the meal adds their CON mod to the Cooking result. The meal's result dictates HP recovery: 20+ restores 100%, 15-19 = 75%, 10-14 = 50%, 5-9 = 25%, and 4 or less = 10%. A natural 20 grants Inspiration, while a natural 1 results in 10% HP recovery and the Poisoned condition until the next long rest. 5) Ingredient Use: All scavenged ingredients must be used in cooking unless another player identifies an unsafe ingredient. Players who skip meals without alternatives will experience the Malnutrition Hazard from the new Player's Handbook. Optional Rules to Consider: - When creating the d100 Ingredients table, you can adjust it to suit the environment and scavenging style. For example, on my desert forage table, a result of 91+ gives you a +1 ingredient bonus, 21-90 = +0, and 20 or less means you found nothing. On my plentiful ocean table, the minimum fishing bonus is +1, with a maximum of +10. - During a long rest, each player can only commit to one task, like Scavenge, Cook, or an unrelated task. Multiple players can Scavenge for combined bonuses, and a sous-chef can give the head-chef the help action. - The Chef Feat now increases the healing properties by 1 category, raising the minimum healing level of meals to 25% HP recovery. If a Chef scores 20+ on a meal, anyone who eats it gains temporary HP equal to their Eat roll - 15. - Bought ingredients and NPC-prepared meals come with pre-set bonuses based on cost and skill level. - After combat, players can harvest specialty ingredients for unique meal bonuses. Exotic foods (like displacer beast meat) can grant a single use of misty step if prepared correctly. In a food-scarce situation, players might cannibalize bandits and take a negative ingredient bonus while risking status effects and psychic damage if not cooked properly. I understand that these rules may seem dense and aren’t for everyone. However, in my experience, my players who have embraced this homebrew find that it creates amazing roleplaying opportunities. For instance, some players may negotiate with a local lord to throw them a feast before a major boss fight to guarantee full recovery and bonuses. Others might Scavenge for specific ingredients to create a signature dish with special bonuses. I've even had players attempt cooking checks to gain persuasion bonuses to seduce a love interest (and failing hilariously). All in all, I have perfected my Food-Based Healing homebrew over the years to give my parties more involved tasks for them to role-play around during long rests. Perhaps Jake can use a version of these rules as a core component for his inevitable "Oops All Knights" campaign, where the party must secure a granary to protect their access to high-quality bread. And for that, I believe my idea is worth a clutch of over 9,000 eggs—and if you don’t like it, I will eat all your rotten eggs until I'm sick with the poisoned condition.

Sam Chih

Tortles: allow me to blast your mind - and your party’s, and enemies, and anyone within 20ft radius… presenting: the Boomstick™️ The Boomstick is a homebrew greatsword which is either blessed or cursed, depending on your interpretation. It is an ordinary greatsword, except for one special feature. On a hit, fireball is cast centred on the wielder. Both the wielder and the target of the boomstick strike automatically fail the save for fireball. It has unlimited uses - but do you really want to roll them d6 dice? Tortles, today I am generous - I will accept 5,000,000 gold for 10% of the equity. I await your interest.

Robert K

Howdy Tortles! I'm hear to pitch my patent pending 'Fear Dice' We all know the fear condition, disadvantage, can't move closer, and you often have to use your turn running away blah blah blah. In my recent preparation for a horror campaign, I've realized with this ruleset after 4-5 encounters that condition sounds more and more boring. To combat this I've implemented a fear dice, a simple d6, when a player gets frightened, they roll the d6 and have a table they select from based off that. Roll a 1? Run away as normal. Roll a 2? Take the dodge action instead of your normal action. Roll a 3? You stumble backwards, falling prone. A 4 may cause you to cast a defensive spell when you may not want too or drop concentration. A 5 causes you to stumble and gives you round of -2 AC, and a 6 causes you to cower, dropping your items in hand, and having to use an action to gather yourself! Obviously this specific table can have many changes made, it can even use a d8 and have more options. You could even use unique ones for unique monsters. So Tortles I am humbly asking for you each to give me 85 Clams in exchange for an exclusive 18% Yabba-dabba-deal

Red Wynn

Tortles of the tank, I come before you today with a magic item that, for the price of only a humble tortle-based haiku, could be yours today: I present the cursed Ring of Ventriloquism. This small ring made of woven puppet strings gives the wearer the ability to cast spells that require a verbal component from anywhere within a radius of 25 feet, so long as it is not through a solid wall. This could be used to get extra range, to sneakily distract, or even to cast touch spells at a limited range. However, the curse renders them otherwise mute while the ring is worn, and cannot be removed until the curse has been lifted. I quietly stand an awkward distance away, hoping you will consider my offer, moist tortles of the tank.

Ian Thomas

Hope you all are hanging in there! I present to you the AbiliTEA. I recently gave my party an herbal concoction that can be brewed into a tea which affects the drinker for 10 minutes. When the drink is taken, the player rolls a d6 twice to determine which ability score jumps up to 30 and which crashes to 1. The tea takes an hour to brew and they know the recipe, although they need to forage for ingredients once these run out. Is this just a re-flavoring of that drug the Band of Boobs took? Yes, absolutely. But that’s how you know it’s a good idea. And why I’m only asking for loving support in lieu of financial investment. (They are currently lost in a blighted wood, and keep trying the tea to get a high enough wisdom to navigate through the fog.)

Gabi H

Hey Totally Tubular Turtles! (Jake insert a hang-loose hand gesture here [great content for a podcast]) I am here looking for YOUR investment of 10,000 eggs for 10% of MY idea. Are you tired of the lame and unused "Inspiration Mechanic"? Do you want to reward your players for dope role-play? Let me introduce you to Rad Points. Now I wanted my players to be rewarded for good game play but Inspiration felt like a resource they held onto for too long. Which lead me to introducing Rad Points! Each session they start with a Rad Point, which I handed them a physical token. The players can be rewarded with more Rad Points through events like cool role-play or sweet moves in combat. Just like Inspiration they can only have a max one of at a time, so it is still use it or lose it! Rad Points can be used for minor enhancements such as adding or subtracting 1 from a dice roll for themselves or the DM, gaining a 1d4 life as a bonus action, moving 5 extra feet in their turn, or insert your sweet idea here. The uses should be fun and helpful, but not such a high value that they want to hold onto them. Now your players are going to be slinging these Rad Points all over the place doing dope things and having fun. Thank you Turtles for your time and who wants to be a totally RAD partner?

Patrick Ryan

G’day Tortles, I’d like to put on a sprinkler to soothe your drying scaly skin in this blistering heat down under as I introduce to you a new-dm’s flavour home brew. Im running a campaign where magic is flavoured to only be accessed through magic gems (Ember) and can be channeled through copper wire, for a steampunk feel. Here’s the kangaroo kick. Magic casters (and non-casters) can elect to cast spells past their spell slots or even above their spell slots, at the high risk of an explosion. The success of the spell is determined by a d20+spellcasting modifier hoping to beat a 10, however each successive success will increase the d20 by 1d6. Additional limitations or baseline DC would be up to the discretion of the DM. I think this adds a fun bit of risk that would incentivise a desperate play, but deter anyone from abusing the mechanic too thoroughly, what say you, torts?

AllForNone

Okay i know the joke about them thinking Nat 20's on initiative are underwhelming but has it been expounded upon more recently because i have read like 6 posts/comments and half of them were what to do on a Nat 20 (and Nat 1) Initiative.

Meapyboy1234567

I agree! I just want to make sure it gets on haha

Cha boi

Hello Tortles!! I am here to present something that should make Egg Mistress Emily quite happy - Honoring Crits on Initiative. My players would often feel the disdain of rolling a crit on initiative so I homebrewed a way to honor them. When a Nat 20 is rolled, you are quick on the draw, one of the first to act in a combat scenario, and, as such, you get an additional Action or Bonus Action in your action economy for that first turn! However, should you roll a Nat 1, you are caught flat footed and are only able to use an Action or Bonus Action for the first round of combat. So far this has worked out for me in my games and all I ask is for an egg shaped as a dice in exchange for sharing this idea!!

Wayne Keller III

I think this edit is better ;-)

Paul Sparks

Greetings Terrific Tortles! (and also Jake), For your consideration, I present the Spell Precision check. Every party eventually encounters *supposedly* unintentional friendly fire from a careless caster's misplaced AOE spell. The SP check is a simple, DC10 check using the PC's spell-casting ability that comes into play when a caster wants to hit a bad guy, but not whatever is in an adjacent square. The DC goes up as precision shots becomes more dicey. Let's say you're trying to angle a lightening bolt through an interior line of enemies with allies surrounding them on all sides; aiming that line just right might require an SP DC of 12 or 14. The more the caster fails by, the worse the outcome is for their allies. This ranges from taking half damage, to half damage on a save, to full fireball in the face. The key is to always tell the casting player the SP DC before they cast the spell. If it's too high, they can decide to take a different action. This injects an element of gambling into high stakes moves made in the heat of battle and gives the casting PC a little cover at the table when they inevitably deep-fry the rogue. I'm looking for a partner in this and am offering a 60% stake for a mere 10,000 gold investment. Love you very much

Paul Sparks

Torty-torrrrrrts!!!! I must say: your shells are looking exquisitely round today! For the low low cost of your crunchiest eggshells, this humble homebrew item could be yours: The Guiding Gem. To activate it, you simply whisper the name of a location that you've been to before into the gem. It will immediately emit a beam of harmless light that continuously points in the direction of that location. Once the traveler has reached their destination, the gem crumbles to dust. For some reason, my players were absolutely obsessed with maps. I hate making maps. So I created this item for NPCs to use to point my players in the right direction!

Ev Schmev ✨️

Tortles, it’s real simple. It’s two-fold. Nat 20 initiative roll, “SUCKER PUNCH!” And you get to roll with advantage on just that round’s attack roll (or whatever action you choose). Nat 1 initiative roll, “flat footed” and you roll with disadvantage on just that round’s attack roll. It keeps initiative rolls interesting and deserved, while also balancing for downside. My offer is one basket of 20 eggs where 18 of them are geese, 1 is an ugly duckling, and 1 is a Niz-Mizzet, Parun MTG commander, for 69% of my future earnings

Cha boi

Hello Tortles I've developed a new character creation idea: Normally when character first choose their stats they have a few options -- rolling for stats, the standard array, or the point buy. Rolling for stats is fun, but it can be pretty variable. Most people do 4d6 and drop the lowest. However some players can roll very well and other can roll very poorly, and it's not fun to play with someone who has way higher stats than you. Lo and behold: The Idea. I had 5 players and all of us, me the DM included, rolled 4d6 and dropped the lowest. One person rolled for each of the 6 values in the array. And then all 5 players used that array of rolls to build their characters, choosing which attribute got which number (so the wizard can use the highest number for intelligence and the rogue can use it for dexterity). Everyone still got to roll individually, we got the fun of rolling for stats, but also everyone had fair and equal stats as each other. Fun! Statistically fair! Now, when we did this my characters happened to roll an array of 18, 16, 15, 15, 13, and 11, but that's a story for Dungeon Court! I would like to license this idea for 12 beautiful blue robin eggs.

Ryan Budde

Tortles, has this ever happened to you? You are starting off an encounter - perhaps with a sneaky huckster that tried to make off with your gold, or a demon lord who you just want to shut up - and roll initiative, only to feel guttural whiplash of a Nat 20. “You did it! But is that…it?” No longer. Truffles, I give you, “sucker punch”, the ailment to all of your initiative roll woes. On a nat 20 on initiative, you spring into action before anyone else does, flying forward to battle or reflexively throwing a punch as if you were planning on attacking all along. Yeah basically it’s just advantage on only your first round of combat, catching the the enemy off guard. Conversely, on a nat 1 on initiative, you roll with disadvantage on your first attack roll, calling it “flat footed”. I am selling this homebrew for an equally simple 1 egg for 20% of my net returns, or my next born kin whichever comes first shoutout to Duncle daddy

Cha boi

Hi Tortles! Today I present the Magical Limit Break. If the limits of a spell hold a player back, they may make a spell save DC to push the spell limits at the risk of taking damage or effect upon themselves. DC = spell level + 11 (+ modifier for pushing limits at DM discretion) This rule could let players increase the range or a spell, the number of targets or even modify the spells effects (depending on what the DM allows) but at the risk of the spell failing catastrophically. I ask for a singular egg, poached.

DanDrako

Hey there Tortles! This is short and sweet, and I just thought your mushroom-loving member might appreciate this little homebrew. Im designing a few-shot campaign for some friends that takes place in an underground city, where they’ll have to figure out who doesn’t want them returning to the surface world and why. There’s only a few races that the players can choose from, one of which is the “spore-forged,” sentient spores of the Mother Fungus that live in robotic bodies that have been built for them by other denizens of the underground city. They’re my take on war-forged, and I love the idea the robots being the most religious, often clerics or druids. I imagine them as steampunk robots with terrariums visible through glass where their brains or stomachs would go :) In exchange for the PC stats and abilities I humbly request your best egg art, however you interpret that to mean

Ollie

Hello Tortles Today I have a pitch for a new monster. I am in a pathfinder 1e game and recently was allowed to create a monster for my character. I am a demon binder summoner, I recently died and went to the abyss in my escape a small devil infected spider who had been a traveling companion since our first boss fight (over 4 years ago in real life) he was a minion of that boss and my character made a deal with him, be my companion or die. While escaping the abyss I had to make a deal to let a very powerful creature forge him into a Fiend made in the abyss. My DM then let me create him here is LOKI. I hope you will be willing to have him in your games. ;) https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IIpE15chEwmlVfLJIhfztzvB0sH0l3zSFArj3U-T44I/edit?usp=sharing

Nesve Fowl

Hello Tortles! I hope that your eggs are nice and moist today, prepared to be given out to whomstever earns them. Today, I'm pitching a simple rule that i've used in my homebrew games to whomp both my players and myself! Do you feel fear when your player says they want to play an aarakocra? Do you have nightmares about a third level aasimar sniping everything from out of reach of most of your hitters? Have you felt bad about an enemy staying airborne, taking a monk entirely out of the fight? Well, let me offer to you, the simple solution: concentration on flight! It's actually quite easy. Take the rules of spell concentration, and add it to creatures that are flying. I'm no bird, but I do truly believe that being hit in the chest by an arrow would distract me a bit, and I would probably fall to the ground, personally. If you need a refresher: If you take damage while you are concentrating (flying) you will need to make a CON save (or DEX for flavor of staying airborne) equal to 10 or half the damage you've taken- whichever is greater. This does NOT effect concentration on spells. One can fly and concentrate on a spell at the same time. This adds a risk/reward system quietly to your flying players and flying enemies! Do they try to fly out of reach of their opponents and risk taking falling damage? Do they keep their wings firmly glued to their back while in combat? I feel like this one small change can actually positively impact how flight works in the game, and I do hope that you see where my angle is coming from too!

Motherfoxxer

Hello Tortles! Please play more Pathfinder 2e.

Timothy Gross

To the wondrous and magnanimous Tortles who inspire such terror and turmoil to the torpid and turbulent, I present to thee a wondrous item that I wish may delight the tale-hunters Axford and (Absent) Tanner. I present to thee the “Indelible Hunger”. It is a set of Metal Teeth to be attuned to by a brave and foolhardy creature wishing to delight in desire itself. Much like the Winged Lion or the horrific Hossiadam, this set of teeth would allow the creature to bite into the literal and metaphorical hearts of their prey. The attuned may replace any one attack each turn to take a bite and reduce the target’s Charisma Score by 1d4+2 instead of dealing regular damage. In doing so, the attuned may heal for an amount equal to their Hit Die + Constitution. Should the target, meanwhile, reach a CHA of 0, then they become incapacitated for one round then remain devoid of will and desire. DM’s discretion may flavor the behavior as deep depression to automaton-like exactness, but the target nonetheless has no agency until healed by a spell (DM discretion) of 8th level or higher. Another way to restore the lost Charisma for current victims of the item would be to bathe the Teeth in sunlight for an entire day in a circle of Demon ichor. You could extend the requirements further, but any more and curing any target using such a method sounds like its own adventure. Feel free to flex your description muscles by describing the tactile and poetic flavors of the desires you ingest, though more complex dreams surely evoke sublime tastes for a refined palate. As payment, I simply ask that any cats that grace the Tortles’ households be given little vests with wings and pictures of them wearing such raiments on Patreon. As you would expect, allowing its use by a PC requires a degree of preparation and commitment on their part. Will they take a nibble or two on an enemy to let their caster hit a Banishment? Or will they make an effort to strip away the will of a Tarrasque, turning it from a walking meteor to a breathing mountain? Perhaps in an act of devious wit, they can kiss a Devil only to bite his silver tongue and swallow his desire to lie? To the tragically-inclined, you could even bite a lover’s lip to take away their desire to stop you from sacrificing yourself for them. (Wisdom Save optional)

bloops

Hello tortles! I can't tell you how glad I am to be back in the tank, as it was getting dry out here. I bring before you today the pitch of CYOSC - Choosing Your Own Skill Check. Have you ever been a Barbarian with a negative charisma score trying to intimidate someone? A wizard trying to lift a boulder off his friends with a -1 Strength? Well then I have the pitch for you! As a DM, I often let my players choose which skill they would like to roll to solve certain puzzles or NPC encounters, as long as they can explain an in-character or flavored way to think about the skill. For example, that Barbarian could say he's going to roll athletics to intimidate someone as he flexes his muscles; that wizard could roll Arcana to lift the boulder as he describes reaching out to his extensive magic knowledge to lift the boulder. For the low, low price of 100 tortle eggs, l am offering a full 50% ownership of the idea; you can rest assured knowing l've been doing it for years at my game and my players ask for and use it, frequently in our game! Invest now and let your players be awesome at what they're good at!

Mike C.

Hello tortles! I can’t tell you how glad I am to be back in the tank, as it was getting dry out here. I bring before you today the pitch of CYOSC - Choosing Your Own Skill Check. Have you ever been a Barbarian trying to intimidate someone with a negative charisma score? A wizard trying to lift a boulder off his friends with a -1 Strength? Well then I have the pitch for you! As a DM, I often let my players choose which skill they would like to roll to solve certain puzzles or encounters, as long as they can explain an in-character or flavored way to think about the skill. For example, that Barbarian could say he’s going to roll athletics to intimidate someone as he flexes his muscles; that wizard could roll Arcana to lift as he describes him reaching out to his extensive magic knowledge to lift the boulder. For the low, low price of 100 tortle eggs, I am offering a full 50% ownership of the idea; you can rest assured knowing I’ve been doing it for years at my game and my players ask for and use it, frequently in our game. Invest now and let your players be awesome at what they’re good at!

Mike C.

Do you want to add a bit of zesty crunch to your games? Do you want to encourage cooperation and tactical play at your table without breaking the balance? If so, for only a baker's dozen eggs to feed my starving family, I present to you the stacking advantage rule. Works well with the optional flanking rule in the DMG. Multiple sources of Advantage stack to grant a cumulative +1 to the better roll. Disadvantage does not stack, but any disadvantage cancels out all advantage. Example 1: Jim is flanking a prone opponent with a help action from an ally on his melee attack (3 sources of adv). He rolls with advantage and adds +2 to his better roll. Example 2: As Example 1, but opponent takes the Dodge action (3 sources of adv, 1 source of disadv). Jim rolls normally. Example 3: Jim is poisoned, attacking a creature that has taken the Dodge action (2 sources of disadv). Jim rolls with disadvantage. Example 4: As Example 3, but an ally flanks (2 sources of disadv, 1 source of adv). Jim rolls normally. Example 5: Jim tries to push aside a fallen tree blocking the party's path. Several other members of the party use the Help action. Jim (or whomever is strongest) rolls a Str check with advantage from the first helper, +1 per person helping beyond the first. So a 4-person party together would have the strongest character roll with advantage and add +2 to the better roll. Additional sources of advantage (rage, enlarge, enhance ability, more helpers) would continue to stack as long as they apply to the character rolling the check. Example 5a: Jim and Pete are both barbarians trying to move the fallen tree. Jim and Pete both go into Rage to give themselves advantage on Str checks. Jim has higher Str, therefore he is rolling the check. Pete's advantage from rage only applies to himself, not Jim. So Jim only has 2 sources of adv: Jim's rage and Pete's help action. Jim rolls with advantage +1. Example 5b: As 5a, but Pete brings his wizard brother Repeat to help. Repeat casts Enhance Ability on Jim to give him adv on Str checks, then uses the help action himself. Jim has 4 sources of adv: Jim's rage, enhance ability, and help actions from Pete and Repeat. Jim rolls with advantage +3.

Andrew Fuckerman

Greetings wise and mighty Tortles and whatever Jake is in this. Here's a simple aperitif of an idea for you - hate getting a nat 20 on initiative and not getting anything extra for it? (I know Murph doesn't but this isn't about him). How about this.- if you get a nat 20, you get to add your proficiency bonus to another player's initiative, as you're so ready to rumble you're able to alert them earlier as well. Of course this also means the DM gets to take that same bonus away from another player if you get a nat 1. The idea is yours for one poached egg and a sprinkling of paprika.

Alex Buchanan

Esteemed Tortles, I entreat you to gather in close as I press a handwritten pitch against the slimy glass of your glistening tank. I present to you: HARD LESSONS: a way to strengthen party bonds through critical failure. Rolling a nat 1 can create delightful narratives, but for new players it can be a brutal and isolating feeling of failure. This is where HARD LESSONS come in. It works like this: When a player rolls a nat 1 they fail as normal- but they are allowed to grant a point of inspiration to the party in the form of a Hard Lesson. Later, when a teammate spends the Hard Lesson- the teammate (or the DM) narrates how the previous failure informed having advantage on the current check. Example: As I approached the rope bridge, I was struck with the memory of Bentley Butterpond (our Halfling Bard) slipping from some slick stonework and putting himself to sleep yesterday. I would be sure to keep my stance wide and low as I crossed. In return for full ownership of HARD LESSONS (™) I ask only for a hand picked selection of your foulest eggs and your permission to continue using this homebrew rule in my own games.

Tomas Jech

To the most totally tubular and fiscally responsible Tortles this side of the Planar Rift, I come to you with a proposal that will make you regret saving your eggs til now. Imagine a rogue feature that not only gives the feel of being the leader of a clandestine group or just the Clooney-esque appeal of having your our heist team: I present "Rogues Hideout" In short it is similar to if you took the benefits of Wizards Private Sanctum and the verbiage of having your own keep but less magically flavored, and more about emphasizing the rogues abilities and connections. PCs would then have to roll for informants or goons based on their skill desired (choosing between int, cha, dex) Each roll uses up the feat and has to be recharged after 1d12+2 days in game time. The duration is up to 1 week in game time and when the week is over roll the recharge with disadvantage. If dismissed early roll with advantage for recharge. This feature would give rogues a way to contribute to big missions in a clutch when faced with hard ability checks outside of their expertise or to buff allies with no appropriate skills. Also this is an easy way to flavor NPCs that can come help and/or be recurring without having to manage why they would be in a town miles away from where you met them. It's been fun at my table and as a added balancing process this is not a feature you can pickup without being at least Lv 7 and you can only take it 1 time, does not stack. At higher levels the number of informants/goons increases by 1 every 3 levels til level 20. Imagine all the eggs you could get out of corporate rivals without having to lift a finger?!?? I ask only a measly 1/4 brood of eggs and 5000 gold to embezzle through a fey laundry mat on the edge of the city.

YourAnimeDad

Hello Tortles. not sending any homebrew. Just want to send love and support

Calic Tolentino

To the Shrewd and Savvy Tortles, and Senior Executive Tortle-Tender Jake: Alignment! You know it, you...know it, you wonder how it made it all the way to modern editions of d&d. I present to you, an updated alignment chart that focuses on character motivation rather than arbitrary "Good" and "Evil" designations. My chart has two perpendicular axes (imagine a plus sign!). One axis goes from Internal motivation to External motivation, and the other axis goes from Selfish to Selfless. I designed this for my own use to help me explain character motivation for a PC that would be deemed "evil". Picking the selfish/selfless placement tells you whether your character is more inclined to things like helping a stranger they meet being robbed on a road vs pickpocketing the tavern keeper. The internal/external motivation tells you why your character acts the way they do. Are they driven by a religion or cult (External) or a strong personal sense of altruism? (Internal). I believe this does a much better job of guiding a player to make quick decisions that their character would do without having to debate the actual morality of whether a "good" character would kill that NPC or not. In return for a 40% stake, I seek only enough eggs to raise my own tank of tortles (or make a really weird omelette depending on if their fertilized or not, Dealers choice. )

Monzi

To the great and mighty Jake herwitz, the fun loving yuncle Caldwell, and the effervescent Emily Oxford. And that one city pigeon. I bring to you a simple homebrew, Mod times 2 and spells that crit too. The first part is very simple whenever you crit you double dice as normal. Then double your damage modifier for a small boost. (Helps if you roll like Murph) But the real meat and potatoes is spells that call for saving throws on a Nat one count as a critical hit for spell. (This can also effect hazards) Trying not to be crushed by the Indiana Jones Boulder, just had a really bad time trying to dodge that fireball. Or that toll the dead bell ringing right in your ear. Now a Crit fail really matters. I offer a majority share of 75% of my DM table and this home brew rule. In exchange for either 3 runny foster eggs, and caw caws first born. Or the SS storm born. (Am open to negotiations)

Dual Herron

Hello, Tortles. Special regards to Zach, whom I imagine to be like Crush from Finding Nemo. Today I am asking for a 200,000 gold investment into the betterment of the only school of magic I have ever loved: necromancy. You may be wondering, "how could one improve on the perfection that is necromancy?" and to that I say, giant skeleton mech suits! Imagine it, a necromancer suspended within the rib cage of a giant's skeleton. Pummeling their foes with unearthly might! This would grant a Wild Shape-like ability to those smart and attractive enough to specialize in necromancy with similar restrictions to spellcasting while active. The progression is simple: as the necromancer grows in power, the skeletal mech increases in size. Growing its reach, damage, and resiliency until you can tower over the realms of common men. Skeletons used for this ability will be organically sourced from the numerous casualties of the giant wars that have ravaged the Northlands and bound to necromancers in an ethical blood ritual. With your investment, we can expand our horizons to include innovative and bespoke mechanics. Such as an equally giant sword!

Non3 Particular

Tortles, we all know players love to add a little chaos to the game. I give you the perfect solution: Wild Magic Dust. As a part of your action or bonus action, you may imbue it with the power of chaos. By tossing, sprinkling, or inhaling just a bit of this dust you may roll on the wild magic sorcerer table (or one created by the DM) and add the effects to your action. Each bag of wild magic dust contains 10 handfuls of discarded magical flotsam and jetsam swept off the floor of the local magic shop and sold to players for the low-low price of 50gp; the same cost of a boring health potion. I am seeking your most misshapen eggs for a random stake of 1%-20%. Let’s get this in the hands of adventurers across Bahumia and the multiverse beyond!

Eric Wills

Hey there Tortles, I’m coming at you fast with a way that I’ve kept my players scared of death even after level 5! We all know DnD is a game right? Well games don’t *have* to make sense, and I take advantage of that by letting my players know up top that if you’re character dies and/or is imprisoned, you will loose some of your items magical or non upon reviving! I decided to do this because even that 300gp diamond for revivify isn’t a big enough downside when you get to high levels. When items go missing, it makes it feel as though you’ve lost something when you died! Characters can still die, but it ups the stakes just a little bit and can introduce plot points like when one of my players HAD to have their vorpal sword back, and went on a quest into the Nine Hells to retrieve it! Please enjoy my resolution for non-consequention player death/capture 😁

Carson Kleinbeck

"hope everyone is doing all right" thanks you too 💙

Katy Pedelty

To the illustrious and enormous Tortles of the Tank and that guy who still hasn't been on 8-Bit Book Club, I now present to you an entire homebrew class in just one sentence. Rogue with skates. That's all

Maya S

To my big big big big torties, imagine you are sitting down at a table with your friends, playing out fantasies to your hearts content. You look at your character sheet... what a fine character you have. So safe. So familiar. You roll a d20 and you look at your stats... it's another hit! Wait... what is that a little touch of deadness behind your eyes? Has that character you hold so dear to your heart become... boring? It's time to spice up your roleplay with the Ring of Class Changing! It only holds one charge... but you can use it to randomly change your character class! No go-backsies! Everything else stays the same. Your name, your level, your stats, your backstory, that mini bottle of seltzer water that you stole from a troll in the Fey, it all stays. But your class? Totally random! Sick of smites? Sling some spells! Eldrich Blast? Smell-dritch smash that Artificer potion! Rolling your eyes whenever you have to say "I go into a rage..." again? Then this is the ring for you! Now, I haven't figured out the randomness mechanics quite yet... to be honest I got the ring from a bog hag and I'm too afraid to use it myself... but I'd be willing to part with it for a sit down meal of a dozen eggs with you. So, deal or no deal?

GGCoopie

Tortles, I present to you customized spellcasting abilities. When choosing a spellcasting class, a player can work with the DM to use a different ability score instead of the spell casting ability they would traditionally use. For example, a knowledge cleric could opt to use intelligence, a paladin could use wisdom, or a sorcerer could use constitution. This opens up a world of multiclassing that will not punish players for catering their PC to better align with their intended vision. Note that this should occur during character creation or a qualifying life event for the PC and their chosen spellcasting ability is locked in. I ask for one egg to establish this open source rule.

Scheisseblasen

I’ll go straight to the point: magic items that level up with the characters. I was the DM in a homebrew campaign where I wanted relics to play an important role from the start. I wanted my players to encounter them early on, but didn’t want the items to feel overpowered at low levels. At high levels I didn’t want my players to ditch the items or to feel that the storyline aspect was weighing down on the mechanics. So, I came up with the idea of magic items whose abilities would level up with the players. For example, one of them could be a special +1 bow that would deal extra 1d4 thunder damage. At a certain level (which I timed with certain milestones of the campaign) the bow would level up and become a +2 bow and also let the character cast hunter’s mark once per day. At the same time, through the story the characters would learn relevant aspects of the history and lore of these objects, slowly realizing that they were more special than they thought. I think this worked very well and my players really enjoyed the mechanic. It has infinite flexibility and can be adapted to any campaign. I will sell you a 49.8% share into this amazing idea for 27.6 million euros, an ORIGINAL VHS of Austin Powers - Goldmember and 3 butter-finger bibis. Take it or leave it, if you snooze you loose, some trains only stop once. David P

David P

Hey there, Tortles 👋🏻 Have you ever faced a group of baddies and wished you could just carve through them all. Maybe someone like Hardwon could with a cleave, but you aren’t there yet. Well let me introduce you to the Chained Battle Axe! Its a battle axe, but with a chain attached so you can swing it wildly and take all those baddies to the Grinch. Details below: Abilities: Battleaxe 10 gp 1d8 slashing 4 lb. Versatile (1d10), Extended Strike *Extended Strike: As part of the Attack action, this weapon can gain the effects of Reach for a single one-handed attack. You may also first expend a Bonus Action to wind up the weapon in which case your Extended Strike can hit up to three adjacent creatures who are each within range of your attack (roll each hit separately).

Beb

Good day, most prudent Tortles. Does it ever feel a bit simplistic to have every DND competition in the gladiatorial arena? Ever feel let down by adapting sports to DND? The real world offers but one sport fit for the task: Roller Derby! Or in fantasy terms: Mana Ring! Just place your party against another equal sized team on a 150 ft track. Let that rogue or monk shine by making them your designated runner. Every loop the runner makes around the track is one Mana--three mana wins the match!!! Every other player’s job is to get them around faster than the opposing runner. You’ll be amazed by the creative uses of spells and abilities when players don’t need to kill their opponents to win. Restrictions, you ask? A player moved off the track by any means has to use half their movement to get back, just like being prone. No flying or teleporting for the runner position and that’s it! Watch Sol zoom around the track hasted by Albie, all while Calder, enlarged by Callie, wrestles his giant brothers in a sport where they don’t have to stab each other to win. All this and more for the low low price of that one good egg right over there. p.s. GREAT way to run PvP, no hurt feelings, just friendly competition.

Lucas Na

Hello turtles and Jake, I have a simple but effective suggestion, interchangeable skill/stats for players, have you ever had a mighty warrior threaten a bad guy and roll 1d20 -Charisma for intimidate. Well simply treat intimidate as a Strength skill for the big bad fighters out there. Example what if in Campaign 1 Moonshine rolled persuasion as a Wisdom skill for talking to the Crick. Interchangeable Skills (at GM's discretion) :)

QuadrupleLucky

5e doesn't have great default rules for swarms/groups of creatures I've tried a few solutions, but ultimately settled on one. Treat the swarm/group as a single creature. Give said creature advantage when fighting against single targets, and resistance against single target damage. Increase their weapon damage by a dice appropriate for their size (EX, if a normal guard does 1d8+2, a small group of guards does 2d8+2, while a battalion would do 3d8+2) When they get to half hp, drop one of the damage dice to represent the group becoming diminished. I've found it makes it feel threatening without turning combat into a slog because there's a bunch of minion-esque creatures clogging up initiative/it can make weaker creatures still feel intimidating in larger numbers to higher level PCs. There's a few edge cases where you have to make a call, like spells that target X people. I tend to treat each "size" as 6 people, so if you wanted to bless a small group, you'd have to upcast it at third level. Single target heals work, but at half the effectiveness

Paul Giordano

You could also roll on an injury table if you want more variety

Carter Lance

Belovéd and be-shelled tortles, I would like to present to you something cool, something exciting, and something with little edge - a homebrew feat: Super Mega Evasion. Super Mega Evasion "gives Evasion but for all saves. Also the person who has it is really cool" My players love this feat. My players crave to add this feat to their nasty little character sheets. If my players could, they'd marry this feat. My players, in fact, created this feat! You will be the most popular DMs around by investing in this feat. I hate this feat. I'm offering you 100% ownership of this homebrew for the low price of a humble chickens egg.

Proopypants

You've heard of Dissonant Whispers, but have you heard of... Careless Whispers You whisper a discordant melody that only one creature of your choice within range can hear, wracking them with guilt. The target must make a Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, it takes 3d6 psychic damage and and is cursed to never dance again. In addition, the target must roll all performance checks with disadvantage. This curse can only be removed with a Greater Restoration. On a successful save, the target takes half as much damage and isn't cursed. A deafened creature automatically succeeds on the save.

Kurtis Nusbaum

Most illustrious tortles, I bring you the homebrew of the rogue 2nd attack. At lvl 5, the rogue gets another option for their cunning action, a 2nd attack. What is worse then a rogue rolling with advantage and misses their attack, and therefore misses the sneak attack. Nothing! So my DM homebrews that if you are a lvl 5 rogue, you get to attack as a bonus action. It isn't at advantage, but if you miss the first but hit the bonus action you still deal sneak attack because you had advantage for the first attack. My DM feels that rogues need more opportunities to attack that don't require a 2nd weapon or feat, and I would agree. But what say you, most brilliant turtles? I want a total of 5 eggs, plus one scale from the most beautiful tortle!

Kylo Ryn

Esteemed Tortles, have I got a Pitch for you. Imagine, all your players really want pets that can potentially be OP, well how do you combat this? Companion levels, That's how! The longer the pet remains as a companion, the more likely they will refuse to return to safety in order to protect their PC companion. Of course you must establish a Pokeball like situation that they can be reclaimed into for protection, but they will have to be out of said ball during rests on order to heal. This will only apply to pets and creatures that are not familiars as those already could be resummoned whereas these pets will be dead when they die, without hope for return. I understand my idea needs work and I am willing to workshop under your tortleage.

Jennifer Barnes

Hi cuties! Consider this: every PC gets the opportunity, once in the campaign, to Rage. I think this could enhance roleplay moments--even a Wizard should be allowed to Rage, just once, if she is in the middle of a bitter fight with a personal rival, or finds herself about to be captured with only her fists as weapons. This doesn't have to be limited to combat uses either--a PC could use their one-time Rage to force open a door to escape, or to pull rubble off another player after a landslide. Regular people sometimes pull off superhuman feats of strength when the situation calls for it, and I think adventurers should too. I'm offering this one for free, go nuts!

Heidi Artigue

Good evening Tortles, I have a somewhat realistic business pitch for y’all. I have the vision but not the resource, know-how, time or ability. My in person group recently had to move online and I have been missing playing games around a table. As I was trying to put together a new group I had a thought, what if there was an app for this? Imagine: tinder for dnd, where prospective DMs can create threads and groups to play in person or online. Instead of posting pictures of themselves people could put up art of characters, character sheets, favorite dice, minis and other D&D paraphernalia. They could write about their preferred systems, play styles, snacks and public locations to meet and play. As an added bonus you could call it “NADDA” (Not Another D and D App), then make the logo a sexy possum.

Andy W.

LETS GOOO BACK IN THE TANK BABY

Thomas Schlebecker

Tortles, allow me to introduce you to the first day of the rest of your lives. You know what’s lame? Attunement. Why should you be granted the ability to wield magical powers just because you took a nap with a magic item? Instead, attunement should be replaced by a once per day related skill check (religion, arcana, etc.) with the DC set by the DM depending on how valuable the item is. The best part is, this is a home brew that allows for other homebrews. Want to give your players a magical item with multiple abilities but think it might be too OP? Allow them to continue to make checks for the extra magical properties after completing attainment. I’m seeking 10 eggs with aerodynamic properties and the location of the Dungeon Baliff at the start of the next DnD court in exchange for 49% of my business.

Josh Kumar

I'm not sure which part you saw before I finished editing, and would love to know what you liked!

Nathaniel F.

Tortles, I come with the most simple and specific of homebrew rulings. The spell Detect Thoughts has the feature of being able to "delve deeper" into the person's thoughts, which triggers a wisdom saving throw. If the target fails the saving throw you delve into their thoughts, if they succeed you don't see their thoughts, but either way the spell states they know you tried to cast the spell. The homebrew i use with my group is simply this: if the target fails the save, they do not know you tried (successfully) to read their mind. I feel this makes the spell more versatile and raises the stakes, as there is a chance that you can cast the spell without detection instead of automatically getting caught no matter what the role is. For this I ask three eggs, the amount of eggs I usually eat in one sitting.

Hailee Henson

Now this is an idea I can get behind

Jack

(frantically shuffling through index cards) Hey! Hi tortles! I got something for ya! Ever wanted to be sneaky, but just for a moment? Need to disappear into a crowd, or dash away from guards that didn't take well to your bribes? You want to be invisible, but invisibility is a whole action! And for a 2nd level spell? Some of us don't even have spells! Introducing The Hood Of Hiding! For those quick on their feet and quicker to act! This hood is essentially a lesser cloak of invisibility, but mean to enhance quickness and stealth rather than substitute for it. The full listing can be found on D&D beyond, but the highlights are copied futher below. I am simply asking for 20 of your fastest, nimblest eggs to bring the Hood Of Hiding to sneaky campaigns everywhere! When the hood is put up, the wearer becomes invisible for 10 seconds (2 rounds) or until the hood is removed. The user may also do this as a bonus action or reaction to being attacked. The hood also has a 30 second (6 round) cooldown between uses The hood has 3 charges, and fully recharges after a long rest, or 1 recharge after a short rest. If the hood is put up as a reaction, the wearer may make an opposed dexterity check against the attack roll to avoid the hit. After this, or if put on as a bonus action, standard invisibility rules apply If applicable (ex: the wearer is in some way immobilized, located, or seen by arcane means), an attacker can, as an action, make a sleight of hand check to remove to hood, making the wearer visible. This check can be made either against the wearer's AC, or as an opposed check, depending on the situation, at the DM's discretion

Mackenzie DeMello

Harken, dear Tortles! Permit me to lay before you a grand design for System Hopping Campaigns. Much like a vagabond of olden days, my band of players hath, these many months past, journeyed through several game systems in one unbroken saga. 'Tis common now among some unorthodox Game Masters to embark with the game The Quiet Year in Session Zero, therein crafting a world and lore anew, one fit for countless Dungeons & Dragons sessions to follow. Thus, we weave a shared tapestry, sparing us much tiresome exposition and engaging each player in the lore and stakes of this realm. Of late, I hath woven a tale where Kids on Bikes led to a DnD cyberpunk campaign. The KOB mystery at hand: the players found themselves within a secret simulation of a 1980s summer camp, where cybernetic goons were extracting secrets, phishing for passwords in the subconscious minds of the players. Once free of the stasis pods, these compromised passwords were the catalyst for later sessions and imbued the characters with ancient knowledge of the 80s in the 22nd century. Thus far, I have chained two games in succession, yet I foresee a future of even grander inventions—nay, limitless possibilities! Imagine, if you will: crafting a civilization's age-spanning chronicle with Microscope, mapping lands in The Quiet Year, embarking upon a DnD quest, plotting a heist in any number of heist systems, and ending in a harrowing fate with Ten Candles. This, I say, is a wondrous path to draw fresh minds into lesser-known systems, oft outshined by the great 5e, and to rekindle the flame for veterans. Only one boon do I ask: a humble pittance, truly a morsel from the banquet tables of the grand Coastal Wizards, for those valiant indie creators who labor tirelessly in the shadows.

Garrett Gilbart

Hello beautiful Torts of old and one Jacob Penn Cooper Hurwitz. This creation is technically for Pathfinder, but it also feels pretty 5e to me. Let me paint you a word picture: you are a martial class in a party surrounded by casters or half casters. In combat you punch real good but your party members are summoning undead creatures or manipulating the minds of combatants, and you---as is established---mostly punch real good. If you are prone to inferiority complexes, this may pose a problem, so I present: THE BRONZE FISTS OF THE BOLD! A brass knuckles (or gauntlet) homebrew item that---when you punch real good---you can expend another part of your turn economy (a second action in Pathfinder or perhaps a bonus action in 5e) to cast a spell... RANDOMLY. You roll a d6 and based on what number you get, and one of six spells selected by the DM is cast. In the build of this item I currently use with a player, some of the spells are damaging to enemies while others are effectively goofs (like making your voice 5x louder than normal). There's only one charge of this item a day so you better make it count.... Jake, as a frequent martial class man, would you like these when you punch real good or hit real good with sword?

dicejelly

Greetings to the Turtle and the duplicitous Bird Jake waiting for your eggs to hatch so he can attack them while they're vulnerable. Do you have a divination wizard that wishes to embrace the most iconic of divinatory practices: Tarot? I introduce my portent system. Have your wizard draw from a Tarot deck, and let Fate determine your portents. Any Major Arcana from the Magician to Judgement corresponds to their number, 1-20. Drawing 0, the Fool, results in a lost portent. But a 21, the World, results in a free 3rd Portent that is a Nat 20. If this interests you, I also have other divination magics to fascinate and wonder you, including how to incorporate Minor Arcana. But first I need to know you're serious about this. My starting request is for an easily defendable nest to shield whatever eggs you're willing to offer. Thank you.

DJ Matty Lil Crits

Esteemed turtles two words COSMIC Luck for lets start with ten eggs you to can effect combat better or worse with a d 100 roll the out come effect the terrain your barbarian hits the post holding the bridge nat twenty. You roll COSMIC Luck ask the player high or low if they guess wrong the out come helps the enemy guess right makes the encounter easier let me now if this idea is shell worthy!

Andrew Scott Verdeja

Hello Tortles, and Shell-ebrity guest Zac. Today I bring to you a magic wand that is for only the most serious of tables: The Couch Gun. With 1d10 charges, the Couch Gun is a magic wand that summons a couch at high velocity per charge. If hit by the couch (uses your spell saving throw) it does 2d12 damage, and the couch now just exists. Use it to throw a couch at your enemy, or use it to build the ultimate pillow fort. If it runs out of charges, a skilled wizard or artificer may be able to recharge it. This has been play tested at my table and has been entertaining and delights players without being wildly over powered.

RJ Mitchell

*adjusts imaginary tie while hanging upside down from rappel gear* LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE SHELL! Let me tell you why this is the HOTTEST proposition since the Wish spell hit the market! We're talking about DISRUPTING the entire cantrip industry! Let me paint you a picture: Every Joe Wizard and Jane Sorcerer out there, they're STRUGGLING with their measly cantrip selection. But what if - and stay with me here - what if we could give them the PREMIUM LITE VERSION of EVERY SPELL IN THE BOOK?! ✨ Fireball? No no, we call it "Spark Sputter" - just enough to light your campfire or mildly inconvenience a goblin! ✨ Power Word Kill? Think smaller - "Power Word Mild Headache"! ✨ Meteor Swarm? How about "Pebble Shower"! The market potential is ASTRONOMICAL! And all I'm asking for is *pulls out comically long scroll that unfurls to the floor* a mere 51% stake in your next three adventures, merchandising rights to Zach's shell patterns, and exclusive distribution rights in all planes of existence... PLUS a shell signing from the whole crew! That's basically GIVING IT AWAY! *spins around dramatically on rappel rope* What do you say, champions of chelonian commerce? Shall we revolutionize the cantrip game TOGETHER?! *offers hand for handshake while still spinning slowly*

waqar ali

To The Terrific and Titanic Tortle Thanes and Tyrants, I bow before you, a humble creator of many terrible things. Please, shop my wares and appraise them to your liking. The first item I bring to you is an item of titanic feats, created to remedy a past malady. The GAMMA Bow. I created this item to make up for a power creep I let another player gain (multiple animated bows that were synced and fired together. Terrible mistake). So it needed to be awesome. But I fear it is too great. I combined several already great weapons into one. The Legendary Ascendant Dragon's Wrath Weapon, and the Legendary Vorpal weapons. In addition to everything it does, I had taken away attunements early on because they were already struggling to balance everything the game offered, and figured, lets go crazy. I also allowed the bow to be strength based (this character also has legendary Giant Belt, so 29 strength. Yes, they are all overpowered). The item is great, and meant to be used by a future god-killer, but what do you think? Way too much, or overall ok? For your convenience, it does all of this: 1: You gain a +3 bonus to attack and damage rolls made using the weapon. 2: On a hit, the weapon deals an extra 3d6 damage of the type dealt by the dragon’s breath weapon. 3: Whenever you roll a 20 on your attack roll with this weapon, each creature of your choice within 5 feet of the target takes 5 cold damage 4: As an action, you can unleash a 60-foot cone of destructive energy from the weapon. Each creature in that area must make a DC 18 Dexterity saving throw, taking 12d6 damage of the type dealt by the dragon’s breath weapon on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. Once this action is used, it can’t be used again until the next dawn. 5: When you attack a creature that has at least one head with this weapon and roll a 20 on the attack roll, you shoot off one of the creature's heads. The creature dies if it can't survive without the lost head. A creature is immune to this effect if it is immune to piercing damage, doesn't have or need a head, has legendary actions, or the GM decides that the creature is too big for its head to be cut off with this weapon. Such a creature instead takes an extra 6d8 slashing damage from the hit.

Nathaniel F.

Well hello there gentleturts! Ever want to bring a bunch of specific animals along on your adventures, but can't risk the failed stealth checks and other hazards of a traveling menagerie? Courtesy of an NPC from my home game who makes demiplanar wildlife sanctuaries, I have here a proposal for a variant on the Bag of Tricks: the Bag of Buddies! It is functionally identical to Bag of Tricks, except instead of randomized wild animals, it's your pets! When you receive the bag, you create or designate six different beasts of CR 1 or less, complete with names, to be the pets that live in the bag. The pets live in a joyful demiplanar habitat where they have everything they need. Up to three times a day you can summon a pet by pulling a fuzzball from the bag and tossing it while calling the pet by name. The fuzzball bursts and your pet appears in that space. Summoned pets stay out until dawn, or until they drop to zero HP, at which point they go back to the bag to take a nap. If a pet was injured and returned to the bag, they can't be summoned again for 24 hours. For this idea, I ask only that you place 6 of your eggs in this bag I have.

Matt Heartwood

Hey Naddpod and Zac the skibbity toilet sigma Chad, today I bring to you a subclass idea for the ranger ive had in my mind for a while now. The concept is basically turning the ranger into a ranger paladin. How? Easy. The subclass is called the Storm born, it's concept is you get a little puttering cloud buddy that you can send out into the battle field that doesn't have an Ac and can't do anything outside of being a cloud. That being said it can still be blown away by a strong breeze until later levels. Eventually you can also ride the cloud Wukong style. *Drops note cards* oh fuck.. uh so anyways the classes base function is using this cloud to zap people for 2d8 lighting damage with for a 1st level spell slot and increasing by 1d8 per spell slot used above 1st as well as adding an additional 1d8 of the target is a elemental of any kind. The clouds lighting has a range of 120ft and only hits if you hit. By level 14 you can use a reaction on a hit to make the lighting do a aoe burst with a Dex sage dealing thunder and lightning damage in a small area. I made this class with Emily in mind as a fellow power gamer and with the mindset of the ranger being one of my favorite classes but feeing underpowered compared to some others, especially late game. I ask for 40% of any profits made from this class as well as your car keys for a night Murph. Thank you for having me. *Trips on the way out letting out a little fart*

Lorelei The Succubi and Kyra The succulent snack

Hey Torts! Have you ever wanted to poison a monster or give a potion to an ally but they’re just too far away? Well I have the solution. This new 2nd level spell called ‘Liquid Ammunition’ turns any liquid into a piece of ranged ammunition with just a bonus action! If it is a potion or poison that you transform, and it hits a target, the effect is applied to them! (Technicalities: Artificers, Bards, Rangers, Sorcerers, and Wizards can all learn this spell. The ammunition lasts for an hour before returning to its original state (non-concentration). At higher levels, you may turn two more liquids into ammunition for each slot above 2nd. The ammunition still requires the ranged weapon to be fired, e.g. an arrow made from this spell would require a bow to fire it.) So what do you say? I ONLY ask for a baker’s dozen of your finest eggs (deviled, please.) for my upcoming friendsgiving.

Choc DISCO

Sup Nerds, I heard you D&D playing losers like your character options, so today I present you with a new Bard subclass (inspired by a comment by Tortle Caldwell on a previous tank), the College of Bullying. Now you can play as the coolest kid at bard college who has problems at home. This subclass lets players buff their vicious mockery cantrip to new and unprecedented heights. Select multiple vicious invocations to make your insults even more potent and gut wrenching. Choose from options such as "Secondhand embarrassment" which lets you target more than one creature or "All in your head" which allows you to cast the spell without any verbal components. At higher levels you are so quick witted that you can even cast vicious mockery as bonus action. In addition, you can intimidate your opponents into revealing their deepest insecurities (such as what their lowest ability score is or if they have any damage vulnerabilities). Have fun dangling that over their heads later. If you want to see the full subclass (not like I give a crap if you care) you can find it here: https://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/share/TWYq1r09yRfW Tortles, I demand all your lunch money eggs in exchange for this super cool and totally not deeply troubled subclass.

choppedguac

Good day magnificent Turtle's. I'm here in front of you today, to pitch one of my favourite dnd homebrews. F*ck spell components. They are boring, feels like a chore to keep track of and track down. It sucks wanting to cast a dope as spell, only realise that you don't have a gem-encrusted bowl worth at least 1.000 gp. I looking for 100 disturbingly long eggs for 40 procent of this homebrew. I'm also willing to go along with a modified version of this, where the players still need the monetary value of spell component like for revivify. But I'm only willing to give 30 procent of homebrew then.

JJ

Tortles, are you tired of endless pitches for handling Nat 20s on Initiative? I know I am. So I come to you with one last proposal. Invest and, together, we can end the madness. What do initiative rolls signal? How quickly one processes and reacts to shit going down. A Nat 20 reflects a character's battle preparedness, so I propose that the Nat 20-roller be allowed to go first or enter the turn order at any point during the first round of combat, as long as another PC or NPC's turn has not begun. (For example: When the DM announces the BBEG is next, the Nat 20-roller may insert their turn. But if they wait until the DM says the BBEG crits on their attack, they have to wait until the turn is complete.) Once they enter the turn order, this remains their initiative for the remainder of the combat. If they do not enter before the end of the first round, they default to last in initiative. I offer you a 100% claim and I ask for none of your revered eggs in return. All I ask is that the Tortles deem the Nat 20 Initiative market saturated and skim any further pitches from the tank.

Katie Oyama

My good Tortles, I wish to present a rule that my table has been using for years now and it has been a boon on both sides of the table. I designed something I have been referring to as a "mercy mechanic" where I have my players track all of the natural 1s they roll, and mark them down somewhere on their sheet (note: the natural 1 must be the final result, no tracking of the 1s you reroll with luck points or the Halfling rule). For every third natural 1 they roll (tracked across sessions), I will grant them Inspiration in D&D 5E, or a Hero Point in Pathfinder. I find it serves as a nice balancing factor in giving assistance to those with truly terrible luck, and it also serves to immediately distract your players when they roll a 1. Suddenly they have something to track and build towards, and getting the bonus takes the sting out of a bad string of luck. I have found that it keeps my players taking risks, which lets me keep throwing more curveballs at them. Thank you for your consideration, I will offer 40% in exchange for a small clutch of eggs that I can train into a Ginyu-force-esque squad to terrorize my players

Xacris

👏👏👏 🥚🥚🥚🥚here, take all my eggs!

preston packer

Dear wet slippery egg-rich Torts, I present to you the spiciest new item in all the realms--the jar of bees--and the bees are angry! Throw it at your enemy, upon a hit the jar breaks open and the bees relentlessly attack AND PERSUE the target until they themself or the target is destroyed. The bees do 10 D4 damage (reduced by 1 D4 as each bee is killed [for a total of 10 bees]) every round, and have 2 HP each. The bees immediately go after you in initiative, immediately attacking after the jar breaks. The bees are IMMUNE to slashing, bludgeoning, and piercing damage, because have you every tried to stab a swarm of angry bees to get rid of them? Good luck with that method. Upon a miss, the jar lands and breaks 10 feet in a random direction from the intended target (determined by the roll of a D4). The bees then instead attack and pursue the closest target to where the jar broke--regardless of new target's relationship to the jar thrower. This fun, chaotic item can be yours for the cost of 1 weird wet omelette made by Caldwell

Laurawr

Good day high Titans of Tortality: Today I pitch to you a homebrew mechanic that is also a storytelling device: a naturally occurring substance called Ash. Deep in the deserts where the ley lines intersect with the sands, Ash spontaneously comes into existence and has been mined, refined, consumed, and fought over for generations. Mechanically, the Ash is given to PCs in refined portions: for example, one portion of unrefined Ash if consumed gives the character access to a cantrip, one portion of level-1 refined Ash accesses level-1 spells, level-2 refinement access to level-2 spells, and so on. Portion and refinement also stack, so for example if a character consumes a level-1 refined Ash portion AND a level-2, they get access to a level-3 spell. Spell save DC and Spell Attack Mods are calculated as usual (8+proficientcy bonus) but you add your CONSTITUTION modifier as this is a physical feat. Additionally, any character that consumes Ash to cast a spell will roll to see if a wild magic surge occurs (bespoke wild magic surge table will be made available early to all angel investors) – the lower-level a character is in relation to the level of Ash refinement sets the DC: for example, if a level 3 character consumes level-8 refined Ash to cast Feeblemind, rolling a 1-15 on a d20 will activate the wild magic surge. Finally, depending on the level of character vs. the level of Ash refinement, there is a chance to suffer a temporary “fallout” or “withdrawal” symptom including levels of exhaustion. The intention of this homebrew is to be both be mechanical and an engine for storytelling: you can imagine how a substance like this might affect the economic, political, and historical landscapes of any world it’s placed in, and what kind of heroes & villains might arise fueled by their desire for this kind of power. Plus: a fighter with access to Fireball?? Bring it on c’mon! I hope that this tickles your discerning tortle fancies.

Anton deGroot

choppedguac

Hey Torts. I have two questions for you: Are you a druid? And if so, why do you hate yourself? The central conceit of druids is that you’re one with nature, able to take the form of any beast, big or small. But, in 5E, you can use your Wild Shape only twice a day until level 20. TWICE. On top of that, many druid subclasses require a charge to be central to their kit if they want to be useful, so many druids must concede their ability to shapeshift into mundane animals altogether. I present to you: the Mild Shape. Any number of times per day, you can spend a 1 minute ritual to functionally Wild Shape into any beast with a CR of 1/4 or lower. Other Wild Shape restrictions still apply. Give your druids the fantasy of being the animorph they want to be. Who cares if they turn into a worm over and over again? Really, what’s the worst that could happen? I have a lot of confidence in Mild Shape, but it hasn’t hit the market yet. I’m offering up to 30% at an evaluation of at least 14 of your leathery eggs. Whadya say?

Spencer

Good morning Tortles, I bring to you a simple, yet effective way of making important rolls more festive and collaborative, the Dartboard. In my home game, I allow my players once per session to choose to throw a dart in place of a D20 roll. They still get to add their modifiers to the # they hit on the board, and the other players are able to use their throws for their fellow party members if they so choose, lending a sense of camaraderie as the PCs nervously toss the darts in hope of hitting a sweet, sweet bullseye crit. I will be accepting no criticisms and only ask for a rotisserie chicken in return, thank you. (PS congrats to Duncle and his growing crew!)

Nick Neverman

Dearest Tortles, We all know that Murph in particular famously hates rolling a Nat 20 initiative. What a waste! Well, now with this slight tweak, he won’t feel so cheated anymore. With my minor homebrew rule, a roll of Nat 20 on initiative means that you make your first roll of the combat (whether an attack roll, saving throw, or ability check) with advantage. That’s it. Simple. Straightforward. Now calm down and enjoy those Nat 20 initiatives, Murph!

Robert B

Thank you for allowing me to slip into the Tank with you today, Tortles. The water has an intriguing temperature and I am grateful to experience it. I have a well-tested house rule to present to you today: the multiattack multiclass. Martial classes are in many ways a constant underdog in D&D, as you yourselves have wisely and brilliantly noticed in your foray into Pathfinder. One of them is the inherent multiclass penalty; any new and interesting builds are instantly kneecapped by the fact that any dips delay that all-important level five power curve, when martial classes gain a second attack. Multiclassed spellcasters suffer a similar loss from delayed spells, but at least can upcast to soften the blow. Martials, tragically, have no such comfort. The proposed rule is simple: if a class or subclass' combined levels would receive an extra attack in both of them, the character receives multiattack. For instance, a fighter 2/barbarian 3 character would gain a second attack. Or Calliope, instead of waiting till level 8, would gain two attacks at level 6, as Swords Bard 4/Paladin 2. Levels in classes that do not offer multiattack would not count towards this total. This would allow multiclassed martials to develop more in the earlier levels, and make more unique and exciting builds to flourish. Tortles! As a gesture of good faith, you will find under your flippers (??? idk your taxonomy) an automatic 5% share in this homebrew. If you wish to invest further, all I ask is for is 3,000 eggs, or a really cool sword I can attack twice with despite my unoptimized dip into ranger. Thank you.

Emil

I’m only asking to be let out of the dungeon. Pardoned for my crimes.

Colin Kilzer

Hello Tortles and shell-ebrity guest Zac Oyama! Picture this, you are DMing for a group of friends that have gotten together to start a new campaign. You are excited for what new grand adventures await you and your best pals! The only problem is that some of your friends have not been as creative during character creation as the others. Of course you have the friends that have spent all week writing an extensive backstory about their unique half-elf barbarian and their tumultuous relationship with their parents but there’s also that one friend that plans to play a grouchy green firbolg rouge that hates the holiday season. To alleviate this problem I bring you this solution: At the start of every session I ask my players a fun fact about their characters. It’s a great way for everyone to get into the roleplaying headspace. Players that have worked on their characters get a chance to explore them more and lazy players have to think on their feet. Questions I like to ask include “Did you have any pets growing up? What is the most mundane daily chore you find happiness in? Who would be most disappointed in you if you did something cruel?” Questions like these are meant to breathe more depth into the characters but also benefit me, the DM, by hopefully giving me more about the character to work with. I’m seeking a 500,000 egg investment for a 28% equity stake in my idea.

Devon Virgin

Cowabunga, Shell-heads. It is my pleasure (Venom-voice) to pitch to you Combo Utility Multipliers or C-U-M. When engaged in combat, and upon a successful hit against an enemy, the damage-dealing player may forgo rolling their damage dice and instead provide the next player in the initiative a d6 to roll. Any damage dealt by this player against the same enemy will be multiplied by the result of this d6 roll. But that's not all! Combos can accumulate! Combo dice can be applied to every successful hit the party makes against the same enemy cascading down the initiative. Each successful hit in the combo will earn another d6 applied to the multiplier for the next player. *This requires each previous player to forgo rolling damage dice. Depending on the size of the party and length of the combo, the streak's final player may be overflowing with combo dice to multiply their damage by. Any player within the streak may choose to end the combo and deal the resulting damage. *This player may choose to shout, "I'm C-U-Ming!" before tabulating their final damage, but this is not mandatory. But there's a catch! If any player in the initiative beefs it during a combo streak, the combo score resets back to 1 and no damage is dealt to that enemy during the streak. Tortles, I am asking for a meagre 3000 unfertilized eggs and no questions asked for a 25% stake.

Chase Kantor

Hey there Tortles. Allow me to pitch a homebrew concept born from the chaotic bliss of balancing family life and adventuring schedules: Flashback Preparations. Picture this: you’re in the thick of battle. The fighter’s getting walloped, the wizard’s out of spell slots, and—oh no—the druid only prepared dungeon-crawling spells, but the party is ambushed by a shadow demon, vulnerable only to holy water. Normally, this would be a recipe for disaster. But not with my homebrew rule. Here’s the twist: each player gets one flashback per session, allowing them to retroactively prep for the current quest. Instead of wasting precious real-world hours roleplaying through item shops and library trips, the players jump straight into the action. Mid-battle, they can declare: “Ah, I remember now! Before we left, I asked Old Marigold at the temple for holy water!” Boom, they pull out the holy water they technically never bought, saving the day. It’s like planning ahead, but lazily, and without sacrificing family bedtime routines. It keeps things fast-paced for time-starved adventurers (read: tired parents) and allows for clever, cinematic moments. No more debates over shopping lists—just good, old-fashioned flashback shenanigans. I humbly request your critique, your approval, or at least half a crispy egg. P.S.: Jake, any chance we will get to see the Dungeon Baby in action soon?

Bryan Salazar

HELLO tortles, I am submitting an idea from a group that I joined at work and have got to say I'd quite monumental. Exploding crits, is what it's called. In layman's terms, when someone crits they roll double dice like usual, but should you roll max on any dice the dice "explodes" and you get to roll it again until it stops. It goes both ways and as someone who is a crit magnet, I don't go a session without AT LEAST 2 crits on my characters, it is quite exciting if deadly. Should you decide to deliberate on this idea, I humbly ask for only 5 eggs from each of you in way of compensation. And as always, thank you for your time.

gerard

Tortles, has there ever been a more controversial role in the history of NADDPOD than the ill-fated Nat 20 on initiative? Let me fix it: may I present “Crit-nitiative”. First of all, forget adding your boring initiative modifier to your Nat 20. You crit? Fuck yeah! Let’s celebrate! You go first. And just to sweeten the deal, go ahead and have advantage on your first attack! Not a fighter? Want to cast a spell or use an ability? Enemies are so startled and amazed by your speed and dexterity that they have disadvantage on saving throws for your first turn. No longer shall we suffer under the pain of an underwhelming Nat 20. Let the new age of critnitiative reign.

Beth Shoe

Greetings Tortles. Ive brought something very special today. Id like to introduce you to Initiative actions. These are actions that can be performed while rolling initiative, before combat officially starts. Think mage armour, pact weapons, wild shape etc. Any existing spell or ability necessary to set up a character for combat, with the caveat that a player may only target themselves. Lets face it, how many times have you seen someone try to squeeze an action before a fight, in order to maximise their first turn? How boring is it to spend that first round setting up? Lean to it, let your players have their cool transformation scene before battle and enjoy that first strike. The DM has discretion on what exactly is allowed as an initiative action, and decides when and where it may be applicable. inInitiative actions can be added to your game as an over aching home rule, in special situations where your plays have an advantage, or applied to the party as an in game boon. In return for 50%, i am asking for a hot meal. Thank you.

pooki

Tortles, Have you ever played with a table of goofballs who wander around to do their own thing? Or with an edgelord rogue who wants to do a secret mission? May I introduce the leash spell. Players must make a charisma saving throw or be bound to the caster for 1 hour. On a fail, you must stay within a 10ft radius of the caster. If you leave the area you take 1d6+modifier for every 5ft away from the edge of the radius. On a pass you get no effects but you do know who the caster is and that they don’t trust you. This has not been played tested yet so I am open to adjustments on distance, damage and time. Name is non negotiable. I ask for 10 eggs and the naming rights to your next child or pet.

Natasha Macphee

Hi Tortles, I have a simple yet eternally relevant pitch for you: the transferable, saveable, and stackable Birthday Inspiration. It started as a basic idea: every player, on their birthday (or a holiday, anniversary, or other special event of the DM's choosing) gets one free inspiration. Simple, right? But hold your horses, because it gets even more fun: if the players and DM agree, this special form of inspiration can act differently from regular inspiration. This one can be transferred to others by the recipient to support a big moment, it can be saved long-term without limiting the ability to gain in-the-moment inspiration for a cool move. It can even be stacked, if multiple players want to give their Birthday Inspiration as support to one hugely important roll. The Birthday Inspiration is a great way to celebrate your players' big moments IRL, as well as giving them a special way to support each other in-game. I'm offering you all a 50% stake in this special product for the low low price of one (1) slice of your next birthday cake.

Daniel Oz

Hello Tortles! I present to you a product that will revolutionise the way you approach your character’s skill stats! Have you ever created a barbarian and made the decision to dump your charisma? Thus leading to your big, scary, vascular barbarian having a -1 to intimidation? With exchangeable skill points this is an issue of the past! It works by removing any points you may have in skills that you don’t want (for example, you could remove two points from a +3 to survival), and placing them in the skill of your choice (in this case, your -1 intimidation) resulting in a +1 to both stats. And no need to be concerned about your players abusing this because there is the option to cap the skill exchange to double the player’s proficiency bonus. Thank you for time Tortles, it would make me the happiest man to even glance at one of your resplendent eggs.

Ben Foulcher

Hey tortles!!! The nat 20 critical attack is perfect. Cheers, applause, time slows down. How can it be improved upon? It can’t. I’m not here to improve a nat 20. I’m here to redefine it. I implemented the +10/-10 critical success/fail in my home game because I create broken homebrew items/feats and really love powering up my guys (gender neutral). But, I was initially hesitant. A nat 20 is a nat 20, so how could I make it still feel unique when folks were also critting on +10? The Friendcrit is my answer. With a Friendcrit, whenever a PC rolls a nat 20 for attack, all PCs roll 1 of their last damage die as well to add to the damage - along with the regular double dice for the attacker PC. The super friendcrit is reserved to be revealed for the final boss battle; where the other PCs roll the full previous damage die again. Yes for spells too. My numbers get wild and I like them that way. Strahd going out with a super friend crit totaling over 250 damage will be one of the BEST moments I have ever described as a DM. Edit: also may or may not require to alter sooooome monster hit points. I ask for us to all roll our eggs together. In the name of friendcrit. Thank you. Goodnight. Side note: I have not read fully up on pathfinder, so oop if I got things wrong. This is fun for me and my table!

Jen

UNLIMITED SPELLS Tortles, I bring to you my favorite homebrew: unlimited access to spells for spell-casters. Each spell-casting class is built normally, with a set of “learned” spells. Additionally, every spell-caster has a tome with all known magic in the world, all of which they can freely cast. If the spell is not learned, they must perform the spell’s skill check against their spell casting DC to cast the spell successfully. If the spell’s type is not in their class’s spell list, they roll the spell cast check with disadvantage. This keeps the incentive to learn spells like with traditional game play, but also gives creative players a balanced way to flex their creativity.

Jonathan Fookes

A stoic samurai methodically whets her blade; a dedicated monk meticulously practices their martial art; an obsessive wizard pores over an ancient spell tome. Let's broaden possibilities and create more opportunities for players to engineer cool character moments. Tortitudinous Tortles, I present to you the SHARPEN action: during any long rest, a player may choose to spend one hour "sharpening" an action. The action must be specific, e.g. longsword attack, unarmed strike, spell. If a player spends 1 hour (negotiable) of focused* sharpening, they are rewarded with a temporary +1 to hit with said action that lasts for 24 hours. If a spell that deals AOE is sharpened, the save DC for that spell is temporarily increased by 1 . Sharpened actions that deal nonmagical damage recieve an additional +1 temporary damage bonus. *If your players begin to really abuse the sharpen action, you can hammer down and impose concentration checks to determine whether the sharpening was successful, but honestly who cares it's a temp +1. Tantalizing Tortles, I am asking for three and a half of your drippiest eggs in exchange for a whetstone, an edgelord, and a thousand yard stare. SHARPEN UP!

Nick Lindstrom

thank you! my players LOVE it

Syf Sloane

Thank you for inviting me to the tank, Tortles! Today, I have a tested and beloved house rule to present that has allowed me to use more complex monsters as a DM, and has reduced frustration at the table when players encounter unconventional creatures. Presenting: the Recall Knowledge action! As a Bonus Action, a PC can roll an ability check using a skill appropriate to the creature's type to learn information about it (ex. History for humanoids and giants, nature for fey and beasts, religion for undead and fiends, arcana for elementals and constructs, etc). The DC is 10 for common foes (ex. Goblins), 15 for uncommon yet well known foes (ex. Dragons), 20 for rare or extraplanar creatures (ex. Demons), and the DC is 25 for unique creatures. If the player succeeds on their skill check, they may ask 1 question, +1 question for every 5 points over the DC. This has proved to be a great way to give players information about their foes. It also provides more inherent value to intelligence, as most skills to recall knowledge are tied to your INT. I also buffed the underwhelming Keen Mind feat using this rule, as taking that feat now allows you to recall knowledge about two creatures with the same bonus action. Thank you for your consideration, Tortles! Recalling knowledge about investment, I'm willing to offer 49% in exchange for just your biggest egg.

Trans Rights

Hey there Centaurs... I mean Tortles, I'd love to pitch the cursed sunglasses of negative charisma, when a player wears them, they perceive themselves to be wearomg the coolest sunglasses ever that should help them with "looking cool". They arent. All charisma based checks should be rolled with disadvantage while wearing the sunglasses.

Oliver

Tortles, for your consideration, I present the Creature Companion Combat Table. I am a newbie DM running a campaign for newbie players in which every PC has a creature companion. (There's an Emerald Dragon Wyrmling, a Grizzly Bear, etc.) If a PC wants their creature to act on their turn, they have to roll an Animal Handling check with a DC equal to their creature's AC. If they fail the Animal Handling check, they have to then roll on the Creature Companion Combat Table to determine what their creature will do: - FIGHT (16-20). The creature attacks the nearest enemy. - FLEE (11-15). The creature takes a Dash action to flee the battlefield. - FREEZE (6-10). The creature freezes in terror and loses its action/movement. - FREAK (1-5). The creature attacks the nearest ally. If a PC rolls a nat 20 on their Animal Handling check, they never have to roll on the CCCT again. (This has already happened with my Half-Orc Barbarian and her Blink Dog!) Additionally, I have started to introduce training / sparring sessions among the PCs that allow them to knock numbers off of the CCCT, such that they could eventually eliminate some of the worse possibilities (e.g., win five sparring sessions and eliminate FREAK as a consequence). The result is that the more powerful a creature companion is, the harder a PC has to work to bond with them in battle, and (hopefully) the more rewarding the payoff is.

Mick

Greetings to my titular Tortles and little baby snail Jacob. I submit an old item I created for the first and only campaign I DM’d for, which I heavily based on Willy Wonka and other pop culture references. I present to you: the Coat of Accounting. “This stylish coat has cool shoulder pads. It also grants the following benefits: - Swim speed 25ft thru coins only * +1 to your INT score * Advantage on INT checks about math, accounting, money, value, risks, statistics, etc. - 5ft Burrowing Speed in Soft Ground (no dashing, uses all movement, essentially gives 3/4 cover per turn) This crude armor consists of thick furs and pelts.” I think I was goin for a Scrooge McDuck angle but also the NPC I made this for was a worm guy aptly named Slugworth who lived in a huge pile of coins and dirt underground. Tortles! I am seeking a really good sandwich and a lifetime supply of chocolate, and in exchange, each of you can get one of these coats in real life; Jake has the details about how that will work. Grab this this golden ticket while it’s hot! If not I will be reaching out to Caldwell as soon as his paternity leave it over cuz this really has his name all over it, who am I kidding.

thedragonllama

Hi tortles, great to be here! I’ll cut to the chase. I’m pitching a flashback mechanic for items and spells. This is a mechanic lifted from another TRPG called Blades in the Dark. The way I’ve adapted this mechanic is that your character can ‘flashback’ to have prepared a spell they hadn’t previously prepared at the cost of one spell slot equal to the spell’s level. For example, if your party is fighting a highly combustible ent and your wizard didn’t prepare a fire spell. Your wizard would then ‘flashback’ to the moment they prepared spells and prepare the spell fireball too at the cost of one 3rd level spell slot in the present moment. (The wizard would’ve also needed to leave a prepared spell slot open for this to work, you can’t exchange spells you’ve already prepared.) I’ll start the bidding at 2 slimy eggs and a pound of shiny coral.

Michael Greene

Hey tortles, first of all, congrats to Caldwell on the new hatchling. I come today to pitch a silly sorcerer subclass I came up with a while back: The Wealthy bloodline. I will try to keep this brief. The abilities are as follows: Level 1: summons do 1d6 more damage (because you can hire better staff) Level 6: Once per short rest use gold to regain sorcery points. Roll d10 equal to the amount of sorcery points you want to regain and multiply total by 100. If the number is higher than the gold you have, spend no gold, regain no spell slots and lose the ability until next rest. Level 14: Ignore the cost of material components for spells. Obviously you carry round 500000g of diamonds at one time Level 18: Screw the rules, you have money. You can use 10 sorcery points to regain spell slots above five, or regain a mixture of spell levels. The sorc extended spell list mostly summons, because heaven forfend you do your own dirty work. I haven't playtested this at all. Looking for a 50% stake in return for a bite of your sandwich.

Lauren Iliffe

When my DM thinks we’re getting too murder hobo-y, he rolls a d12 and that’s how many innocent people in the crowd are killed

Grass

Hey Torts and special guest Tort! I present opposed skill challenges. Like a skill challenge but want your bad guys involved? Try to opposed skill challenge. Just have every round start with a skill check by your bad guy to make things worse for the party, depending on the roll increase the DC for that round. It creates a more dynamic scene and can help build heat from you players to your bad guy.

jared Blewett

Tortles, you’ve seen many a product presented to you in the past but few feed a player’s unending hunger for power, soothe the fears of DMs, and fill one with the Spirit of Dice Christ quite like this product does. Today I bring you the product of the Pocket Portent! The Pocket Portent allows the attuned to store a d20 roll they have already made for later! This means no more dissatisfaction from rolling a Nat 20 on a saving throw or initiative. Simply save that roll for a rainy day! Upon using this amazing product, a happy customer would simply reroll the d20 they stored instead of using it immediately, allowing for luck on the go! It’s even solar powered so no need for messy cables or sacrificial rituals required! (Recharges at Dawn). The Pocket Potent, unlike other brands, doesn’t break or become obsolete over time or use. This means fun for the whole family, from the seasoned veteran to up-and-coming rookie!

Nexacon

Tortles, are you tired of the yo-yo mechanics off hitting 0HP, going down, healing word to get back up just to get knocked down again? Try my More Heroic Death Saves! Characters no longer go unconscious at 0 HP, and can take their turns like normal. Whenever a character hits 0 HP or takes damage at 0 HP, they roll a death saving throw. Each successful death saving throw grants advantage on the next attack. Like normal, 3 failures means death. Death Saves reset after combat/short rest/long rest depending on how gritty you want your campaign.

Eric Callahan

Hello Tortles! Are you hungry for better culinary encounters in dnd? Bored of basic checks to make a meal? Well prepare to sate your appetite with...Cutthroat Dungeon! Inspired by (but notably distinct from) Alton Brown's Cutthroat Kitchen, this encounter would pit players against one another in a series of cooking challenges. Here's how it works: Each round, the players are given a dish to cook and each ingredient type is assigned a die value (d8 for produce, d12 for dairy, d20 for monster components, etc). Players have 1 minute (or 10 rounds) to gather ingredients by completing challenges in the "pantry", like scaling a cliff face to obtain a special spice or defeating an abyssal chicken to make wings. Throughout the round, the DM will introduce auctions that the players can bid on, using the gold allotted to them for the session (25k each). This might include tap shoes that cast irresistible dance on a player for 1d4 rounds, swapped utensils that lower a player's weapon damage to 1d4, or a trickster blessing that lets you steal an ingredient. At the end of the minute, the players "cook" by rolling dice based on the ingredients they managed to collect and totaling their score. However, there is one more auction before the roll that includes sabotages such as rolling their highest ingredient die with disadvantage, or having to yeet their dice into a cup/shot glass and only rolling the ones that make it in. Whoever racks up the most points by the end of 3 rounds wins and gets to keep their remaining gold, while the others must return their coin purses and leave the dungeon defeated. For this exciting encounter that is sure to rake in the ratings, I'm asking for a basket of eggs to use in an ingredient auction and a cut of the royalties for PrismaticWasteland, whose TTRPG Cooking Minigame was the inspiration for the dice values.

Gabagooblin

Tortles, I present a homebrew magical item as disturbing as it is useful: the ball of flesh. Over the course of 10 minutes, it turns any non-organic material it is touching in a 1 foot diameter into flesh. The created flesh may contain bones, teeth, etc. to maintain its structural integrity. The flesh is healthy, and sustained by magic to prevent decay or decomposition. A clever party may use this as a universal lockpick or an infinite source of rations, and a devious DM may use it to squick their party the heck out.

Jacob Hall

Greetings Tortles, Today i bring before you a homebrew cantrip that has inspired a 4 year campaign that is still on going and is beloved by all. I present to you... Theme Music (Cantrip) Thematically appropriate music plays during key events and boss fights. will buff or debuff players depending on the song and the thematic appropriateness of the song.(+1or-1 to a roll, advantage or disadvantage, ect.) can choose who to effect (Can be activated manually at any time by the player by playing a song of your choice using a bonus action or anytime at the DM's discresion. Only 1 song can play at a time this way if the player wants to play a different song while the dm is playing off they roll off.) Grading and effects are at the sole discresion of the DM. DM is the only one allowed to play the song from their phone or device. Just because a song is played dosnt mean a effect happens or has to happen. Today i seek 20,000 gold a investment to further fund our campaign and delvelop this magic further in return i promise 10% of the party's gold at the end of our campain. Thank you

Tykora

Tortles rejoice!! For a game that hinges so much on chance, I think we can all agree that magic items are too reliable. This is why I propose creating a bunch of poorly thought out magical items at 2am and dotting them throughout your campaign! Take the Escape Goat for example - a regular goat with the innate ability to cast dimension door on itself and one willing creature (Recharges on an 18-20). Requires animal handling checks to convince it to stay with the party and to use its power when you want it to. Too reliable for you? What about the Shroud of Either Invisibility or Daylight? Roll a pure luck check and see whether you enter your next encounter as a hidden spectre hugging the shadows or a glowing beacon of heroism! (There will be no prior warning of which spell will be cast) No takers?? Well, how about the Lucky(?) Pocketwatch? Pushing the button allows the user to roll a luck check to try and gain advantage on the next roll. However, failing the luck check imposes disadvantage instead. I ask for 1 meagre egg covered penny for my thoughts

Brother Alder

Here's a homebrew rule!! No death saves. Instead of getting knocked out at 0 hp, you stay up ans start making Con saves at that start of your turn. You'll start at a DC 8 and the DC will increase by 2 for every turn you are at 0 hp. On a failed save or if you take damage while at 0 hp, you will gain a level of exhaustion. You can use your turns as if you weren't activity dying so you may heal yourself, fight off the enemies or run tf away lol. Once at 6 levels of exhaustion you die as normal. Oh and stabilization must be done by another party member via a Medicine check, DC 10+levels of Exhaustion.

IVthatGuy

Hello my most magnificent moguls of egg-based shellconomies, have I got an idea for you. Everyone's heard of Heroic Inspiration, but have you heard of "Heroic Moments"? These are tokens similar to inspiration, but rather than rerolling dice, a DM grants a player a free crit for when a player's actions are particularly epic and deserving of recognition. This gives leeway to DMs to decide if a particular moment feels better for the campaign narrative, or to recognize a particularly fantastic bit of roleplay. Now, remember, too much of a good thing and you'll be sick of it in no time. That's why this rule should be used in strict moderation and preferably only once per session. This ensures that these remain "Heroic Moments". For this idea, I'm asking for enough eggs break the world record for largest omolette, and a ticket to your next show in DC.

SpookyGeist

Hi Tortles, I present for the tank -- the Restraint Check. I don't employ this rule in every game, but for a bigger narrative campaign my players are frequently put in a quandary of whether to kill their foe or keep them alive -- can we keep this guy around for questioning, do we not want to kill this innocent guard just for blocking our entry, etc. I found that a simple "non-lethal" declaration for damage on otherwise brutal attacks, or the cleric stating "I cast Toll the Dead... non-lethally" was a bit deflating to that dilemma. So for these games we've introduced the Restraint Check -- whenever a hit does enough damage to kill a foe, the player must roll for whether they had the restraint to keep it non-lethal. Similar to a concentration check, the DC is set by how much past 0 they took the foe, so if a hit does 25 damage on an enemy with 10 HP remaining, they have to roll a DC 15 dex save to keep the enemy alive. (Optional addition we've played with-- for casters the Restraint Check is instead based on their spellcasting stat to test how well the restrained their magic). I have found it to heighten the tension and make for more interesting combat choices as the players ponder whether to "pull their punches" once the enemy is bloodied to make that Restraint Check easier, load up on buffs to ensure success on restraint, or have to try different strategies of incapacitation to avoid the risk when the stakes are too high.

Katrina

Hello Tortles and TruckNutZ Enthusiasts, I would like to propose not a D&D related item, but a TruckNutz companion, "The Grilldo.". Now, it is a known fact that the Tortles love TruckNutz. But why not complete the set? The Grilldo is a dildo that is to be put on the front of your car (the "grill), to show how respected you are amongst the community. This companion piece to TruckNutz comes in Classic Black, Rainbow, and American Flag colors. I offer a 49% stake in Grilldos™ for 200 eggs, color and smoothness of your choosing. Thank you, Tortles, and remember: Where there's a will, there's a Grilldo

Tyler Willits

Tortles, I would like to propose a homebrew rule for those DMs who want to run a more brutal campaign. In my game I have changed up exhaustion to be a little more dangerous. For every level of exhaustion, you take a -1 penalty to every dice roll including death saving throws and damage dice. So 1 level of exhaustion is -1, 2 is -2, etc. Additionally, each time your character goes unconscious or dashes more than 3+CON modifier (min 3)times per long rest they gain a level of exhaustion. Once you reach 5 levels of exhaustion you have disadvantage on all checks, saving throws and attacks. At 11 levels of exhaustion, you die. Removing a level of exhaustion takes a long rest in a safe location and resting somewhere like a tavern or inn removes 2. I am asking for 1 egg and for Jake to run a brutal meat grinder type 1 shot.

Nicholas

Hello tortles of industry, We all know the excitement of rolling a NAT 20 and what it brings in combat, but rolling a NAT 1 does not bring the same despair as a NAT 20 does joy.. This is why I propose to you tortles, a homebrew for a NAT 1 in combat. When anyone rolls a NAT 1, the person or object or creature they were attacking gets to make an attack roll against them, essentially acting as the riposte maneuver. It's simple to do for a melee attack, but I can already hear the no chortle tortle asking about spell attacks. If the target is another caster, they can make a spell attack at the same level as the attack without using a spell slot. Biffing it has consequences. For 100% ownership of this of the NAT 1 rule I ask for a live show in Cleveland, Ohio. You left us off the midwest tour and we deserve some in person yuks and Caldwell shenanigans. Thank you for your time. - Andy K

Andy Kaplan

Tortles I present to you the Good Deed Die. My party did this when one of our members was late to session due to helping out a person who had fainted at the store he had been at. Upon learning of his kind actions our DM gave him an inspiration die to use for that session.

Kerry

Good morning, Tenacious Tortles, and hello shell-ebrity Tortle Oyama. I bring to you, The Mana Gloves! A revolutionary new item for spellcasters of all levels. Don't you hate it when you're on day 3 of an epic, high tense plot-changing event, but you're running on ZERO spell slots? Have no time to take a rest in your busy dungeon-to-dungeon life style? Ever find yourself hesitant to use your joke spell in a cool way because you're not sure when you'll get a restock? Introducing the Mana Gloves! This item, given to players at the DM's discretion, allows PCs the ability to steal a spell slot from a monster or ne'er-do-well. The PC must have the Gloves equipped, which causes a -1 to DEX. The PC must also be within Melee range of their target opponent, a dangerous place for our squishy spellcasters. A successful attack with the gloves will always be a weak d4 of damage, but the PC rolls a d20 + Arcana to determine the level spell slot they can steal! The DM determines the highest and lowest spell slot available to the player on a case by case basis. For example, if the PC attacks a level 4 wizard, the DM can decide that a Nat 20 equals a level 3 spell slot and no higher. The DM may also determine that a creature has no innate magical powers, therefore no spell slot can be stolen from that creature. This risky, but rewarding item will give our mages, wizards, and other magical friends more time in the field, casting spells and doing wicked feats. So, Tortles, I'm here to ask for 0 dollars and 0 eggs for 100% equity in Mana Gloves, and all future Mana Gloves I.P.s or cinematic universities that may come from the brand. I also openly accept any balancing changes or adjustments since I've never played DnD, I just love the show, and I'm kinda an industry outsider disruptor like that. I only ask that I can work in your service as a humble minion, underling, or general lackey. Allow me to clean your tanks, forage for lettuce, and scrub your shells with a small tooth brush, and you will have 100% ownership of The Mana Gloves brand. P.S. I am willing to wear a turtle neck and other tortle related attire for my uniform.

Huascar Holguin

Hey Tortles. Who's the ideal action hero? The one that every person wants to embody? Jesus Christ it's Jason Borne. The badass amnesiac with a conspiracy backstory is a very common RP fantasy. But a player wants surprises in that kind of story. And a DM doesn't want to create an entire backstory for a player. Why not let the dice decide your past? Introducing the "Polyglot?" Starting feat. A character with amnesia may be a "Polyglot?". Meaning they roll a DC 12-16 Intelligence check upon hearing a new language for the first time. If you pass, you speak that language. Why would an Elf not speak Elvish, but know Halfling and Infernal? Who is he? Where has he been? I'm offering this idea to you Tortles in exchange for helping me figure out who I am, and why Im haunted by visions of memories I don't fully understand. Thank you.

Jake Punch

Hello Esteemed Tortles, Titans of Findustry, and soon to be business partners! Have you ever wanted to stab your dear friends and fellow adventurers right in their hearts, Pulp Fiction style? If so, you are in luck! Allow me to introduce your new favorite shot: the Dirty Needle! With this fine bit of kit you can get each of your best buds out of a scrape once per long rest by injecting dubious fluid into their bodies, restoring 1d8 + con modifier healthpoints. Unfortunately hygiene isn't quite the priority for adventurers, so who knows what that Dirty Needle picks up on your travels. Following an injection, the one who is stabbed (henceforth known as the “stabee”) must roll a d20, and on a one or two, the stabee contracts a random disease decided by a roll. Will the Dirty Needle save your companions, or will it throw the stabee into greater peril by infecting them with plague? Find out for the low price of ten (10) very sharp, needle shaped eggs and one (1) chortle, in return for a 75% stake in the Dirty Needle!

Theodore Bunnell

Tortles, I come to you with a basic idea: more smites. Let my monk smite. Let my gunslinger smite. Why must only the weaponed melee attack smite? This simply does not work for me, I’d like to see what the tortles think it’s worth

D Cord

Tortles I am seeking an investment of 500 eggs, for 51% of my homebrew inspired by 8-Bit Book Club. I present “Choose your own adventure random encounters”. Are you tired of rolling for random encounters and just fighting highwaymen or wolves? Well let me introduce homebrew encounters time tested and inspired by Pick Your Path Adventures and Give Yourself Goosebumps. Whenever I have a fun (or just stupid) idea for a story or a quest or NPC but can’t tie it into the main game I add it to my list of random encounters. I will then give that random encounter an ominous name like, “The Last of the Giants”, “Stand and Deliver” or “Ain’t no rule that says a dog can’t play basketball”. When it's time for my PCs to roll a random encounter, each player rolls a die (you may adjust the number of die rolls based on how many players you have/ how many encounters you have prepped.) I then read them only the name of the encounters they rolled and they pick which one they want to do. This makes random encounters feel more meaningful since players get to make a choice and many of my campaign's best moments have been from this homebrew, with some of the events and npcs going on to play major parts of the game’s main story. (Also congrats Caldwell! The world needs more joy in it)

Chazz

Tortles, I have a pretty enticing product here that not only works at any table, but especially at the Tortle Tank Table®. Allow me to introduce you to a little place called "Mangia's Magnificent Mansion". Mordenkainen's magnificent Mansion is old news. What is Mangia's Magnificent Mansion you ask? Tortle Axford and I are done talking about this. Are you in or are you cowards? No further questions please

Gabriel Mauch

Hello my beloved Tortles! I would like to present to you a solution for D&D campaigns that occasionally end up missing one person for a session. Flashback Episodes! During my campaign, we will occasionally have someone miss a session (and its not usually the same person). For these occasions, I have pre-planned one shot sessions focused on an integral backstory-moment related to one of the characters! The party gets to make new characters for just that session, while one person typically plays the previous version of their character. This only works well if a character's backstory is fleshed out, but in my experience, it acts as a great way to get players EXCITED about fleshing out their backstory. It also really helps drive the narrative of a campaign, enhancing the stakes of whatever they may be doing, as I typically try to relate it to the current stakes (if related at all). All I am asking for in return is 2 quadrillion small plastic ducks delivered to the front door of Caldwell's house, for 5% stake in this pitch.

David Belanger

Hello to the Tortles, moist in wisdom, resplendent in business acumen. I submit to you a NERF for a beloved but ludicrously overpowered item: The Flametongue. Pre-2024, the Flametongue did 2d6 fire damage plus standard weapon dice damage on hit, potentially doubling the damage output for every single hit on a martial class. It's great, but it's A LOT. What it lacks is risk and balance. I propose the following: On a Natural 1, the weapon does on-hit damage to the user and can no longer be activated for 1d4 days. Need more flavor? Say it's cursed. Stuff a clown's spirit inside it and change the damage to psychic. In return for this fix, I ask for simply your third cutest egg.

Casey Sears

Good Day You Scrumptious Tortellinis, My pitch for you today is not my own but I can't find the link on TikTok where I saw it first. I can say I've used it to good effect. For the DMs who want to run combat with a big scary solo enemy, but are either worried about overall challenge or action economy, I propose "One Token, X Statblocks". This essentially works by having combat behind the screen as if you have multiple enemies in the arena, but to the players they only fight one enemy the whole time. For example, my players fought a minotaur in the heart of a labrynth last session, and since they're level 4 with NPCs, this would've been a joke. Instead they fought two Minotaurs with resistances all under the guise of 1 creature. The creature had two separate initiatives where it would it's normal actions but it spiced up the combat to allow my players to think that one enemy was exceptionally dangerous. So far I've found this particularly helpful as I've always struggled with the "adding mobs" portion to boss fights being a little lackluster. I want no eggs, but will take your first fully grown Tort, Rumpelstiltskin style. Anyways love the shows, and congrats to Caldwell and Susanna.

Vincent Popovich

Heroes in a Half Shell, I would like to present a concept for a monster--the Painkiller. The specifics for HP, attacks, and so on can be tweaked based on the power level of your party, but the monster is based on a central mechanic--a field of numbness. The monster has some sort of psionic ability that reduces the ability of creatures to feel pain. You might think this is a good thing, and you'd be right! It allows the monster's minions to make Reckless Attack style maneuvers where they get advantage at the cost of dealing damage to themselves. The real kicker? Because you can't feel pain, you don't know how much damage you are taking. The GM tracks it for you, giving you only high level descriptors of how badly wounded you feel. I imagine this would cause a lot of players to pucker and take the fight very seriously. If this feels too mean, you could allow players to make Medicine or Wisdom/Intelligence checks to get more information on how hurt they are. Please let me know if you'd be interested in fighting a giant opioid soon, in a campaign near you!

Michael Hubbard

Hey there Tortles, looking EGGstra vibrant today! I've come humbly before you to hopefully get lost in the tank with this idea; a free feat with your ABS increase! Through testing at my table, my players get to enjoy the plethora of feats while not sacrificing style. They get a 2 point maximum increase with a free feat. If a feat gives abs, then the points gained outside the feat is only +1, instead of 2. Think of the freedom of choice, without breaking the game. if you like it, all I ask in return is a shout out to Tim the love of my life who inspires me! Love you all, thank you Tortles & Jake!

ReynSedai

A Secret Place Called Mangia’s Hello my discerning and glistening Torts. Have you heard of Leomunds Tiny Hut or Mordenkainen’s Private Sanctum? WELL FORGET ABOUT IT and get ready for a new spell, learned from the lost tomes of the Emilinomicron: A Secret Place Called Mangia’s. A Secret Place Called Mangia’s is a third level ritual spell with a casting time of 10 minutes, a range of 60ft, and a duration of 1 hour. Components: a piece of currency given to you by a parent, a plate of spaghetti or breadstick, at least one person with whom you wish to commiserate The spell creates a 60ft dimly lit dome with the additional effects: * While inside, any 1s rolled on hit dice to restore hit points may be re-rolled * While inside, insight checks may be rolled with advantage * Sensors created by divination spells can’t appear inside the protected area or pass through the barrier at its perimeter. * The barrier of the warded area appears dark and foggy, preventing vision (including darkvision) through it. If you speak of the nature of Mangia’s or allow to the spell to be copied by one who has not been there, you will be cursed for 1d4 days as if you were under the effects of a bestow curse spell. This spell is available to wizards and bards, and is a domain or pact spell to any cleric, paladins, or warlocks who have sworn fealty and bent the knee to Emily Axford. Happy to iron out details of the deal over a plate of gluten-free carbonara, my treat.

Toe

This is so wholesome, I want this in real life. Shut up and take my eggs! 💸

Daveed

Hi turtles, as you may have noticed I am already in the tank with you to pitch an alternative for inspiration called "Favor" which not only gives the players inspiration, but also the DM. For this to work all PCs will need a 'Token' it doesn't matter what it is as long as it's unique to the player at the table so that you can all tell whose is whose (for example you could assign each player a card from any magic or mundane deck of cards) Players start off with their tokens and can hand the tokens to the DM to get a reroll using the same mechanics as the Luck feat. Alternatively if all PCs have their tokens they can choose to give all of them to the DM to treat the roll as a Natural 20. However when the DM has a PC's token, they can give the player back their token and cause that player to do a reroll. If the DM has all of the players tokens they can treat one of their D20 rolls as a natural 20, be it for good or ill- DMs choice, and give all the players back their tokens. All I ask for this is for you to pay for my lyft home because I do not know how I got here.

Zeno is a Paradox

Lol this is messy AF but Iove it!

Daveed

Hi Tortles! I bring to you the spell Cauterize. Perfect for heavy spell caster, low healer parties. It works as so. New Spell: Cauterize Casting Time: 1 action Range: Touch Components: V, S Duration: Instantaneous You must have Burning Hands prepared to cast this spell. As you bring your hands together, and then separate them, a flame is conjured into your palm. The creature you next touch much make a constitution saving throw. On a fail, they take 3d6 healing and one level of exhaustion as their wounds are sealed with flame. If they pass, they take half healing but no level of exhaustion. At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, the “healing” increases by 1d6 for each slot level above 1st.

h moon

Greetings most Turtley Tortles! Today I come to you with a proposal to make Bards even more powerful than they already are. The item in question is the Score of the moment. A piece of magical sheet music depicting the rhythm of the moment gives the bard a greater understanding of where their abilities are most needed. This allows the bard to grant a bardic inspiration as a reaction to any ally within 60ft. Additionally, this allows the bard to expend a number of inspiration die determined by the DM to add one bardic inspiration die to an ally's failed rolled, the ally must roll the die there and then. This totally needed buff to the bard's abilities can be yours for one glitter glue egg sculpture of yourselves inspired by the Thinker statue. Thank you.

Hermit

A Dm i unfortunately onky got to play for one session with had a house rule that Gives all long swords the Finesse Property when used one handed. It makes real world sense and who doesnt want to swing a sword

Captain Morgan Pirate Wizard

Tortles, allow me to pose a question: what is the worst nat 20 you could roll? That’s right, initia—shit sorry I’m nervous. I meant a saving throw. Dice Christ smiles upon me with a nat 20? Do I not deserve a little treat with my roll beyond still being hurt. That is why I bring to the tank Saving Throw Advantage. Roll a nat 20 on your saving throw, and you have the ability to instantly give the help action to an ally who failed the throw. This creates teamwork between a party and provides the opportunity for great flavor in describing how your character is saving their friends. In exchange for this idea, I ask not for eggs but for the opportunity to relocate to the sovereign state of the tank. You won’t even know I’m there.

Holden

I forgot I’m supposed to ask for a share so I just ask for a wrestling oneshot DM’d by murph

Beau Rydman

Hello esteemed Tortles, I have the proposal of a lifetime. Now let me ask you, what’s your least favorite part of playing as a Sorcerer? That’s right me too, there’s just not enough gaining new spells! So I have designed a wonderful new creation: the Arcane Funnel (title pending) - a larger cornucopia-esque funnel that a sorcerer can use to capture a spell used against them and absorb into their arcane focus, attempting to gain the spell. As a reaction when a spell affects you (including aoe spells and counterspell) make an arcana check of dc 10+the spells level. Additionally, a spell scroll may be consumed to make the same check to learn the spell. The theming may be subject to change as this was created for a war forged sorcerer in my campaign.

Mike Conroy

High level play- let’s be honest it’s what we all want but the chances of a campaign lasting till you hit those sweet sweet high level abilities can be slim to none! That’s where the table of Daring Deeds comes in… If you’re going to be a party of level 14+ characters you need a level 14+ back story to match. With the tables I have constructed, any party can generate a past quest fit for heroes of the realm! Simply role 3 d12’s which determine your mighty quest, your grand antagonist, and the realms you travelled to find glory. Standard session 0 roleplay fills in the blanks, and boom! A semi fleshed out party of world saving heroes is ready for their next great task. Tortles, this table is extremely powerful and extremely simple, but because I believe Players deserve access to high level play on demand, I’m only asking for half an average clutch size, plus 15% of all eggs produced in related endeavors annually. What do you say, shall we make ourselves heroes today?

Michael

Sup Turts. DMs and PC's alike are writhing in harmonious ecstacy, begging me to invest their precious eggs, but I'm here to offer my game changing idea to you bellends. The idea is beautiful in its simplicity: Pantheon Points.. With Pantheon Points, you and your players can gameify their relationships with the gods and reap thematic rewards, or suffer deific consequences, depending on how you relate to a god (or gods) of your choosing. No more are paladins, clerics and warlocks, the only classes that interact with higher powers. And while classes/backgrounds that 'spec' into God worship, may start with some relationship with their God of choice, those players that want to shop around, may begin seeking the favor of a god that fits their PC' philosophy/aesthetic. The catch? The gods don't really all get along so well. Harboring a relationship with one god, may well alienate you from another. The gods are messy bitches and they may drag an unwitting PC into their petty bullshit. What are you waiting for, toss me 15 or so of those juicy eggs and invest in Pantheon Points! (PS: This is more or less just the boon system from the game series Hades. I'm not that creative, but I think it would lend itself well to TRRPGS)

Daveed

My high tort lords, I’ll keep it short and sweet. Cloak of Billowing but instead of billowing dramatically, it billows subtlety and you get a +1 to a rizz roll. The billow is a bonus action and you can use your action to make the rizz roll. Good for diplomacy but also flirting.

Kjersa

Hello Wise and Magical Tortles, My presentation is a new spell: Spell Capture 6th level abjuration Casting Time: 1 reaction, which you take when you see a creature withing 60 feet of you casting a spell Range: 60 feet Components: S, V Duration: Instantaneous Class: Wizard You attempt to steal a spell that is casted. Roll an ability check using your spellcating ability plus the difference between the level spell this was cast at and the level of the target spell. As an example, level 6 spell cast on a level 3 spell would give spellcasting ability check plus 3. If you roll equal to or greater then ten plus the target's spell level or the target's spell level is lower then this spell's level the target's spell does has no effect. If the roll is equal to or greater then 15 plus the target's spell level or you roll a natural 20, the spell is captured. A capture spell can be casted as if it was a prepared spell. But will be lost on the next long rest, unless recorded in your wizard spell book. It can be recored into spell book before it is lost at the cost of one hour of time and 10 gold per level (unless reduced by subclass feature). The captured spell can be of any school or class (as DM allows). Essential this is an version of the 2024 counterspell with an extra ability to copy the spell if you roll well. due to this increase ability, it takes a level 6 slot instead of 3rd and is restricted to wizards as it requires a wizard spell book to capture the spell into. I would like 10 golden eggs per level you want to cast this spell at.

Sean McClain

My fav spell is the Level 2 Grime Council.

Brendan Finch

*splash* Tortles pleased to be here in the tank, you should install a filter though. I bring to you a follow up on a previous submission. I present the Balanced Toyota FJ. The vehicle is strong and thus must be gated behind a prerequisite that the PC who “owns” the FJ must play gnome or dwarf Artificer or wizard The vehicle has 50 hp Has a climbing speed of 10 Has a “piloted” speed of 60 Has an “auto pilot” in auto mode it is essentially just a vehicle (cannot attack or cast) unless a PC remains within the auto piloted vehicle. Has a Mechanism to cast spells but it requires spell slots given by a caster class Spells 5th level or higher cause the mechanism to break and spell fizzles While piloted the vehicle can make an attack “on its own” as a reaction (in response to being attacked) and it can attack as ordered by a player in the vehicle on their turn as a bonus action Being a huge vehicle it cannot enter into small spaces Once per day it can be shrunk down to miniature size (hot wheel) for storage and is unusable while small, creatures inside when shrunk will be forced out into the nearest unoccupied space within 5 ft. when placed on a non moving level surface for 1 minute it returns to its huge normal size If the vehicle hits 0 hp it is destroyed permanently

Colin Kilzer

Greetings Tortles, I bring you a new way to revitalize your stat rolls. In character creation, do you ever find yourself thinking how boring point buy and standard array are? Do you ever get frustrated when your party member rolls straight 16s on 3d6s while you stare at your meager roll of 3? To refute these terrible feelings, I bring you Group Stats! With Group Stats, everyone at the table rolls for (at least) one stat and the result goes into the Stat Pool. If there are more stats than players, you can each roll twice or have the DM make up the difference. Then, you choose your stats from that pool of numbers, with the caveat that everyone must choose at least 1 “low” roll(7-10). The DM is free to put more restrictions on high, middling and low stats chosen but this shared stat pool helps to even the playing field when starting a new campaign. Those who enjoy low starting stats can opt in to that and those who don’t can opt out and there’s not one character stuck with lopsided Murph rolls. I ask humbly for one homemade omelet as an investment in this idea. Thank you for your time Tortles!

gogo boots

Dear Most Wet and yet, Quite Protected Tortles, I bring to you the Spells of the Mad Mage! I found a list of 100 wacky spells at this link (https://summerlimeismethebrony.tumblr.com/post/676746063760228352/embed) and thus have flavored them to be spells created by a well-known great mage that went mad, and all they left behind were scrolls with these spells on them and a message to the world that whoever finds the first of them will be able to find them all (and if you don't find the first, the rest will be unfindable). Effectively, one of my players found one as part of their backstory way after the hype of finding them settled down, and in their first dungeon, they were surprised when the mad mage contacted them and offered them each equipment based on their classes which allowed the wizard to watch them find the scrolls and, between all five of them, they can choose to roll on a wild magic surge table 3 times a day (total, between them all) to make things more interesting (which is what the wizard wants, cause they just want to watch a good show). I think it will be fun to add these scrolls to loot or just have them in fun random places in the world for them to see and find as they go. One caveat- there are some people that are still also searching for the scrolls, and if they get ahold of one via trickery or kindness, they also can see the rest and will compete with the party for them. In exchange for sharing the profits evenly between us, I would appreciate about 3-4 eggs per week for the next 47 years.

Brendan Finch

Good morning fellow torts Do you ever feel that the base damage types are lacking? That they just feel like different flavors of numbers? I come today representing a system created by my friend and fellow dm. He thought that the base damage system wasn’t as fun as it could be and so based on the Eldenring Status affect system he created a brand new affect for each existing damage type. I play test this every Sunday in a campaign I play as a drake warden and love the amount of puzzle play and team work it adds to combat. The changes are as follows: Damage Type Changes Lightning: Half damage chained to enemies within 5ft Acidic: +1 on all rolls to hit Bludgeoning: 5ft reduced speed next turn on hit Force: 5ft knockback on hit Radiant: 1d4 healing on hit Thunder: 1d4 additional damage, but delayed by 3 turns after the initial hit Piercing/Slashing: 20% Bleed buildup Poison: 20% Infection buildup Fire: 20% Ignition buildup Cold: 20% Chill buildup Psychic: 20% Mania buildup Necrotic: 20% Siphon buildup (NEW) Accursed: Damage dealt by this type will be received as temporary cursed health loss. If another attack lands on a creature with cursed health, they will lose the cursed health along with the damage of the second attack. If a cursed creature lands an attack of their own before being hit again, they will regain all temporarily lost cursed health Status Effects Bleed: Immediate 10% max hp damage loss Ignition: 2d8 damage on the igniting creature and any nearby enemy creatures in a 15ft radius. Increases to 3d8 at 5th level, 4d8 at 11th level, and 5d8 at 17th level Infection: 3 turns of 5% max hp damage loss at the end of turn Chill: 3 turns of resistances being negated to normal damage received, and normal damage types will become vulnerabilities. Immunities are unaffected. Chilled targets that are hit with fire damage or use a fire action will have the status removed Mania: Afflicted creature must pass a wisdom saving throw against their own spell save DC. If successful, the creature breaks out of mania and can act normally. If failed, the creature must roll 1d100 for a short term madness effect Siphoned: Afflicted creature must pass a constitution saving throw against their own spell save DC. If successful, the creature breaks out of Siphoning. If failed, all damage dealt to the creature on the following turn will be converted 1:1 into healing for the attacking creature The amount of strategies this allows you to come up with not just as a martial but as a spell caster adds a level of variety to the combat sessions I personally love playing with this but wanted to see the thoughts of the torts. I especially wanted Tort Tanner to see the Accursed damage as it’s very Bloodborn themed. Congrats on the Tort and his new tortling!

Beau Rydman

Hello Tortles! I present to you skill trees I developed for my current campaign. Have you, like many DMs, find your players love money but don’t get the opportunity to actually use it? These skill trees I’ve developed help give money reason and fill a hole in 5e many complain about. In my current campaign, two of my players approached me about role play ideas for modifying weapons and making potions. Using just 5e rules as written, it’s hard to satisfy players needs in these areas without forcing them to take levels of artificer or other classes. To do something fun and challenge myself, I developed full blown skill trees each character can invest in during long rests which require them to spend money on specific materials and pass difficult skill checks to make powerful weapon attachments and deadly potions. This has led to a lot fun moments of players defending why they should get to spend the party money for who would bring more benefit. It’s also led to cool role play moments of players describing how their upgrades look and work in the world. Currently I’ve developed skill trees for weapons crafting, armor rune carving, and alchemy! It was a blast to figure how to balance each one and also work with my players to see what creative ideas they could come up with. Oh and I guess boooooo Jake yay Murph!

Andres Rodriguez

Good evening tortles, i am here to give a new way to help dms who dont know when to give out inspirations. Often inspiration has been used to help players to take part of the game and add to it, such as roleplaying as their character, doing something that made you laugh, you hand out a inspiration. But after a while when your players are just comfortable enough to always be in rp and everyones having a great time it is more difficult to hand out an inspiration dice. This is where my mechanic comes into play. At the begining of every session have one of your players roll a d4 the number the dice lands on is the ammount of inspiration they are allowed to use for the session you may say but 4 inspiration for a player is alot for one player. Boy are you correct. You see we here at our table crafted it into a shared pool so everyone can use them and not just one thus limiting everyone from having too many and giving players stress to find whenever is the best time to use one. As 4 inspiration at a table of 3 or more players allows the group to have discussion on what is truly important to succeed on it gives them a reason to pay attention at the cost of every possible failure of a roll or see what beauty they could get from succeeding Thank you tortle i believe this idea is worth atleast half an egg

Benwahah

Cowabunga My tortles. If you're anything like me you often find yourself playing a martial class. But the problem with that is that those casters are always getting to roll more dice all the time with those concentration checks. But no more will they hog all the fun. I present to you, The Goodberry Gambit. With a simple bonus action you pop a goodberry in your mouth. Then when you fail a concentration check, you swallow it. Now you too can enjoy the fun of rolling dice when you get hit. And it can all be yours for an egg with a complement written on it.

MaidOfCake

what if you reversed it? giving a fate point on a nat 1 bolsters failure to try harder next time. (maybe losing a fate point on a 20 feels bad, since you're trying to accrue them over time, what if you're on a hot streak?)

Mac

Welcome back, Tortles! I humbly offer the homebrew a GM whipped up and I stole: When you level up and are given the choice of an ability boost or feat, you get both. However, if the feat itself includes an ability boost, it is ignored. I only ask for 38% stake in the concept. Thank you for your time. <3

ZZ Digital

To our beautiful and illustrious tortles, and Jake too I guess if he's there. I prostrate myself in your great tank to offer you a quick and dirty homebrew rule, Critical Saves. Simply put a Nat 20 on a saving throw that does damage will instead of doing half damage do 1/4 damage. And a Nat 1 on said saving throw will result in one extra damage dice. Just a fun little rule to make those crits on both ends feel more meaningful. This homebrew rule can be all yours for the lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly price of $5,000,000 eggs.

Casey Gibson

Still not sure if links are allowed but meh: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qXHsE6u1okJWhCOSC-unx6xm2vcO-TkEpuNHvTmEE3A/edit?usp=drivesdk

Mythic_Robyn

Dear Thrifty Tortles Do you love the excitement of rolling dice? Are you tired of seeing a player roll a 12 Charisma bard, while your paladin has nothing below a 14? I bring you: Drafting for rolled stats. Each player rolls 4d6 (drop the lowest) six times, or whatever your preferred method is. The totals are added to a pool of stats, which is then divided among all the players, either through a snake draft, or by discussion. This method not only functions as a healthy teambuilding exercise, as the players discuss their characters mechanically, but also helps make sure everyone is on an even field stat-wise. This has been market tested in my groups, and is an overwhelming success. I need 18d6 eggs help fund the distribution of this idea.

Helene A

To the Torts in Skorts Don't you wish you could Crit more and would be willing to strike a deal with the dice? I present the prepared strike action. By using your full turn (action, movement, free action and bonus action) you can auto crit on an attack or spell DC providing the dice rolls passes. This would include multiple attacks on your following turn. The gamble being, you still need to hit and that the enemy is still within range when your turn comes again . Meaning the prepared strike could eat up 2 turns but guaranteed Crits if you succeed.

Ryan Steel

Greetings Tortles, hope the tanks conditions are well. Have you ever wanted to be your parties face but also up close and personal in a fight? Ever grow tired of looking for what spells your Paladin might need? Well have I got the answer for you. The Jester, a whole new class focused on physical combat and maneuvering on the battlefield. With such ilustries features as being able to add their charisma modifier to their AC or to use it in place of strength or dexterity for weapon attacks (limitations do apply). Do you like the battlemaster? Well you should be quite pleased by this! And it all comes packaged with your very own stage persona! Do you still want to cast spells? Then the Stage Magicians pact magic and trickery is for you. Casting spells and messing with how magic ordinarly works. How about showing the might of fire? Then our Fire Dancer is just right for you. Want to predict the future and control the field? Well try the fortune teller! The Jester, for all your charisma based martial needs! (Still in beta M.Robyn Inc. is not liable for any harm or injuries sustained during use)

Mythic_Robyn

My Humblest Greetings TORTS, I trudge through this briney tank to ask for a batch of Barnacle encrusted eggs in return for a 49.99999% stake in this product. I present, The Long Rest Dagger. This dagger sporting antediluvian craftsmanship (can be flavored to fit any setting) is simply just a dagger with a small Gem encrusted somewhere on its hilt. It does have a slightly bigger damage output with a d6 of slashing damage per attack. To attune to said safe, you only need to hit a creature with it. Upon successfully hitting a creature with an attack and rolling damage taken, the target will turn to a pile of crystallized ash. Upon the attuned player taking a long rest however, every creature hit during the previous day will then respawn in a 60ft radius at the DMs discretion. These creatures will appear as they went in to the dagger, with reduced hitpoints and used abilities if any had been exhausted. Any attempt to part from the knife further than a 10ft radius at any given time will have the dagger teleport to the PC in some way. The only way to break attunement to this cursed dagger is to stab yourself and be brought into the pocket plane inside of the gem for the length of a day, or by some other high magical intervention. This item has been play tested and works as both a tactile stopgap measure and a fun gag to TPK a cocky party. I leave this offer at your salty scaled toes.

THENONNOR

Oh powerful and anointed tortles, I have waited outside the aquarium with my most fabulous design, awaiting this day! I am here to offer you 49 percent stake in the magical item that will SWEEP the nation, all for a measley 4 eggs. I give you, the Machinist Wand! When held by a spellcaster, the caster can cast ANY spell within their spell levels, all by simply burning an extra (1) slot! Casting a 6th Level spell from the cleric class you naughty wizard? Simply burn either a Seventh level spell slot. Or a 4th and a 3rd (or whatever combo floats your boat) and this fantastic wand will make. It. Happen!

r h

Splish, splash, Tortles! Here's one to spice up less serious games or one shots. Fate points. You start the session with an amount of Fate Points determined by the DM (for one shots I do 3-4, campaigns sessions 1). For every Nat 20 you gain a point, for every Nat 1 you lose one. Now the fun part. You can use your Fate Points (FP) to change any D20 roll after you see the result. 2 FP - change your die result by 1 (up or down) 3 FP - change another player's result by 1 4 FP - change the DMs result by 1 The cost of the 1 point change is to be paid by one player only. No pooling resources for a single point change! Multiple result changes can be bought by a single or additional players. (To change the DMs dice by two would cost 2 players 4 FP or one player 8 FP) Players love this for obvious reasons but I quite like the excuse to hammer PCs a bit harder, while not fearing crits as much. It usually doesn't affect the DM due to cost but players love passing the oadd save or landing the odd crit. It's fun. Enjoy! Edit: I will share this with you for 50% of Jake's Eggs, or to have a 30% share in Birdlesque. Although I'd like to remain distanced for either. X

Barlosaur

Hello Tortles! Here is the magic item that I have to pitch. Charm Bracelet of Mimicry: When attuned to this item whenever you witness a spell or cantrip then they can use their reaction to copy the spell forming the magic into a charm that rests on the bracelet. Any spell that you have copied you can cast as if it is any other spell that you would normally be able to cast. You may have up to your proficiency bonus of cantrips copied this way and up to four spells copied this way, up to a level of spell that you can cast. Cantrip charms last until you copy over them a different cantrip. Spell charms last until either you cast them, destroying the charm, or copy them over with a different spell. *** I can't give credit for this magic item it is a much beloved magic item that my DM gave me to help my changeling bard, the party's main healer, more ability to get more spell variety while still keeping our party alive! <3

James-Anne Lovely

Tortles, may I present charged spells. Let's say you're fighting a big bad. It's been 7 rounds of combat and you're running low on spell slots. The bbeg's seems like they have a good chunk of health left and all you have is a 3rd level spell. You can begin to cast a spell with a casting time of 1 action and instead of casting it that turn, you can choose to hold it until your next turn. The spell acts as a concentration spell. On your next turn you can cast the spell and add an extra 3d6+ your spellcasting modifier to the damage... Or you can hold it until your next turn again and keep adding the damage I ask for 1 very shiny egg. That's all.

Nate L

Hello!! I don’t know if this has ever been brought up before (I doubt it’s original), but an idea I’ve always liked would be allowing your player to use one or two extra spell slots when they’re all out , except for each spell level they take a d6 (or another die of ur choice) of damage - it would be like they were overexerting themselves. So if you were out of spells and needed a cure wounds you could cast it at a 3rd level for 3d6 of damage. I think it could lead to some cool roleplay opportunities but idk if it would be balanced heh. Anyways love yalls work!! 💖💖

Jay W

Greetings Tortles! I present to you the curse known as Dragon Sickness: A combination of a mechanic from Fantasy High season 2, and the chronicles of narnia, as well as the norse legend of Fafnir, the dwarf whose greed turned him into a dragon. Essentially, a dragons hoard, by the nature of dragons themselves is cursed. Anyone who steals from the hoard and knows its draconic origin, wether they kill the dragon or not, is cursed and slowly turns into a dragon over the course of daily checks, with 5 symptoms increasing with each failed check. Every day, the person must make a constitution check to resist the curse, starting at DC 12, and increasing by 1 per failed check. A passed check for that day only delays the next symptom, and the checks will be repeated until the symptoms are all fulfilled, which are: 1: Greed you suddenly start to hoard anything of value to you, and get aggressive when someone tries to take something you "hoard" 2: Your eyes become draconic, with a color and iris to match the dragon you stole from 3: Your skin starts to harden into scales, giving you +1 natural armor 4: You go into a catatonic state and begin to grow, gaining +1 to your size (if you were a medium creature, you'd become a large creature etc) 5: Your body erupts and you become a full fledged dragon, of the same coloration as the dragon you stole from, and you lose all sense of who you were before. There are a few ways to cure Dragon sickness: The Remove Curse spell or potion, being killed and resurrected (not brought to zero and then healed or stabilized), or having the gold removed from your possession or ownership, either by your own will or someone elses. Removing the curse from whatever the dragon is hoarding before stealing it will keep you safe from the curse. For your investment of 23 eggs and just a single strand of hardwons magnificent beard, i offer you a 49% stake in Dragon Sickness (patent pending)

Blackfyre269

Hello my Tenacious Tortles. Are you afraid of player characters dying in a non poetic/lame way? Well fear no more with "The last act mechanic" As a DM I made a mechanic called "The last act", when a Player is down and has 2 failed death saving throws they can sacrifice themselves and choose to fail the third and not be able to be revifivied and in return. They can take one final turn to make a last ditch attack with advantage. Or cast their strongest spell. Martial classes get a free action surge. And Spellcasters get a free spell slot of their highest available. Players cannot use their last act to heal themselves and their turn will end with them perishing in a blaze of glory. I ask for no eggs. Only a picture the Two crews pets. Thank you for your time Tortles. I await your feedback fully prostrated. Prostated? Ones showing hole, the other is what Bev does? Unless he was showing hole the entire time in campaign 1?

David Klein

Oh wealthy and wise tortles, lend me your ears, as I offer to you, homebrew cheer. Each year we play a Christmas one-shot but each time a recurring item keeps popping up. The people love it. The scroll of naughty and nice. Upon being cast the creature it is cast upon is judged to be naughty or nice depending on the actions performed from the spells beginning to its end, with the spell lasting 10 minutes. Deemed to be nice, Santa blesses the creature, offering a powerful gift of healing to fill HP. Deemed to be naughty, Santa attempts to petrify the creature turning it to coal. The scroll is single use and offers the potential for festive goofs a plenty. I require 24 advent eggs in exchange for 47.5% of the scroll.

Felix Principe-gillespie

Hello to the refined tortles and Jake, who I do not believe is a Tortle but in this rare instance has my respect regardless. Are you tired of your casinos being filled with tired, played out gambling games that rely on simple chance? Do you want something fresh that can be played both at the D&D table and outside of the game? To solve these problems, I present the game of Lousy. Lousy is a game that can be played with a handful of dice of the same value (generally d6s). Before the game, each player must put money into the pot by purchasing a number of dice from the house for a fixed price; a player must purchase at least two dice to play. On your turn, you roll two of your dice in secret and see if you rolled the same number on any of the dice. Then, you announce the result of each of your dice - or you lie. After you announce the result, any player that suspects you may have doubles can call you “Lousy.” Play continues to the left if no player calls “Lousy” or after any callouts are resolved. If another player calls you “Lousy,” then you must reveal your roll for that turn. If you rolled doubles, then you must roll with an extra die for the rest of the game, from the pool of dice you bought at the start of the game. If you did not roll any doubles, however, the player that called you “Lousy” must roll with an extra die instead. You are out if you ever run out of dice. In exchange for the rights to this game, I am seeking two eggs and a weekend vacation to the Monterey Bay Aquarium or a casino of your choosing. I hope that you will consider my offer, and above all, that you will enjoy lying to your friends.

Matthew J

Hello Tortles. Im a forager and if there’s one thing it’s taught me is I can basically never find something in a place I want it to be - if there’s a specific mushroom I’m looking for, bahamut knows it won’t be in the forest I’m walking around that day, seemingly out of spite. It’s always bugged me therefore that if you want to forage something in dnd you’re at best asked to give a nature check. I ask you, does knowing about a thing make it appear before you? Sure if you want to find something that does a specific job like providing food or specific medical properties you can most of the time, but you need time, knowledge and availability to all hit at once. I propose any check for a natural aid comes a perception check for ‘can I see this specific thing’, a nature check for ‘is this what I think it is’, and a luck check for ‘how long have I spent trying to find this thing’. The fun part is you let the DM decide the DC behind the screen, so a 12 perception check and a 18 nature could just mean you 100% know there’s a haste-granting mushroom out there, but you don’t know you’ve got it til you try it and your DM tells you as much.

Vincent

Oh great Tortles. Are you tired of your superhero like characters still never getting better at Stealth or Nature? Now you can because I present: The Training Montage In between books/acts/arcs, this allows a player to add up to 1d4 to any skill. The player describes a training montage to the DM: say who you’re working with, what you’re doing, how you’re getting better. The DM then sets a DC based on that description and the player rolls a check of the skill they want to improve. If they beat the DC by less than 5, add 1d2 points If they beat the DC by between 5 and 9, add 1d3 points If they beat the DC by 10 or more, add 1d4 The better the description, the better story you tell, the lower the DC! Or! Come to the next session and describe/act out your training montage to the whole table. Have inspirational background music. Get pumped. Do pushups. Dance around the room. Whatever it takes. The table as a whole will decide your DC. By performing, you automatically get to add 1d4 if you pass the check. With this brilliant and inventive tool, your PC isn’t stuck sucking. They can improve!

Matt mckenzie

Not alright by any measure, but let's bury that deep down and say Hey Tortles! I'd like to sell you exploding and imploding criticals for ability checks. This idea came out of the comment that no one could compete with an NPC's Reliable Talent. Plus it includes rolling more of those sweet, sweet click clacks! Basically if you roll a nat 20, you get to roll a d4 for a bonus. Roll a four? Well, you cheating bastard, you get to roll a d6 and add that too. Keep going until Dice Christ looks down at your abuse of statistics and stops you. What if Dice Christ hates you? Well, nat 1s force you to roll a d4 and subtract that. This includes those that have Reliable Talent. They still get their base moved to 10, but then apply those penalties until DC is done kicking you in the stomach. Congrats and well wishes to the Tanner family and everyone else.

cplthrawn

Good Tidings terapins and torts Alike. I run a pokemon campaign that has a lot of bad homebrew in it. Something that I've found that works well is our ruling for critical hits during combat. Instead of rolling attack dice twice we simplify the process by automatically giving the attacker max possible damage on the would be attack and then adding half of the attack roll into that max. I've found it still gives out juiced up numbers while smoothing some of the peaks and valleys. For this homebrew I'll take a few hard-boil eggs. Let's deal on this

MachoMostMag

A homebrew of a soul bond between characters or a characters and NPC's that somehow boosts either stats temporarily or boosts an ability or spell. Can you please help me make this work?

Lady Jacqueline P of Castle Whitestone

Tortles! Have you ever had the urge to be a witches familiar, longed to be summoned from another realm by magic beyond your comprehension, or bound by magic as an existance only to discover your greater potential through questing with your life patron? Allow me to introduce a new background: Companion That's right! You can now claim your backstory to fit that of a side character. Your origin (and there for proficiencies) would be based around a 1d6 roll: 1d6 origin 1 Experiment 2 Familiar 3 Summon 4 Servant 5 Apprentice 6 Hireling Many of this order are children of Chaos, as your existence in the realm disrupts the world around you creating rifts of chaotic magic. You are thus subject to rolls on the wild magic table (d20 check then d100) regardless of class. Your connection to the realm is not like others, as in the event of an untimely demise of your patron, you are then freed from the bonds of magic. Allow yourself the chance to explore the world, and find a new purpose for your existence through the means of servitude, friendship, and possibly freedom. As yours truly has found hers. I am the founder of Auxiliar Familiars (a hiring agency) and I'm asking for 9 eggs blessed by Melora, 10 acres of fey wild real estate with a summoning circle (to expand my business), and 4 kegs of crick water. In exchange for 20%, and a humble offering for my team to deep clean your tank and provide upgrades to your filters and habitat at your request.

Myka Donati

Tortles, I come bearing a potion that takes after murph's heart. Night is a rare potion that is the world's strongest energy drink. It was originally created by gnome alchemists so that they could spend more time working. This potion is dark blue and purple, with an iridescent shimmer, and it has a lemony aftertaste. Upon consumption of the potion, the drinker gains the benefits of a long rest immediately. For the next 5 days, the drinker does not require sleep, and finds that if they do try to sleep, that their mind simply won't let them. As such, every 12 hours that pass while under the effect of the potion, the drinker gains the benefits of a long rest. The drinker has disadvantage on all Wisdom and Intelligence checks, but has advantage on all Strength and Dexterity checks. The drinker's speed is also increased by 30 feet. Because of the extreme energizing nature, after the 5 days have passed, the drinker passes out for 24 hours straight, and cannot be woken up by any means other than a Wish spell. All I ask for is 1 sunny side up egg for a 33% stake in my company.

JesterTheCleric

Good afternoon Tortles, and may I say, your shells are looking shiny and vital. I bring to you today a collection of magic items. These are no ordinary magic items, but ones constructed as pranks, jokes, japes if you will. No longer does the humor of a reclusive wizard need to remain locked up in their tower; it can be yours, to sell, for a small investment of 15 Astral Shards and a wink from Special Guest Zac Oyama. Please, peruse the catalogue: Bag of Hand Holding Wonderous item, Uncommon This magic bag has an interlocking hand design on its outside and functions in exactly the same way as a normal bag of holding, with one exception. Every time someone retrieves an item from the bag, roll a d12. On a 1, the user feels a hand grasping at them from inside the bag as they retrieve the item of their choice. The DM may choose to roll this in secret until the truth of the item is discovered. They may additionally choose to roll twice on the following table to determine how the hand feels: Hand Characteristics Result | The hand is/has… 1 | Clammy 2 | Cold 3 | Long, sharp nails 4 | Unusually thin fingers 5 | Gently caressing 6 | Rough and callused Misleading Design. When this item is identified by way of the Identify spell, it appears to be an ordinary Bag of Holding. Identifying this item’s true nature requires a DC 25 Arcana or Investigation check. Lightweight’s Mug Wonderous item, common This ordinary looking wooden tankard was devised by a wiley wizard to prank opponents in drinking contests. When empty, the item shares the same properties as a mundane tankard. When filled with any form of liquid however, the tankard weighs 50 pounds. And finally, the piece de resistance, selected specially for your cross-branding venture with NADDPOD's Duck Team: Duck Blade Weapon (any sword), Very Rare (requires attunement) You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon. While the sword is on your person, you also gain a +1 bonus to saving throws. A favourite of the wizard Qutb Bialfashal, who occasionally gave this sword to hubristic warriors who believed the world revolved around their minor exploits. When the wielder first attempts to use one of the weapon’s apparent abilities, d100 white ducks (Tiny beast, unaligned) are summoned into the space surrounding the wielder. If the unfortunate summoner is on the ground, the ducks appear on the ground and fill the closest unoccupied spaces. If the wielder is flying the ducks appear in a sphere around them, also flying. At this moment the wielder automatically becomes aware of the true nature of the sword. The ducks appear real and corporeal in every way, except that they each vanish in a puff of spectral white feathers when they take any damage. The ducks follow the summoner until they are dispatched, quacking occasionally. This property of the weapon cannot be used again by the same wielder. Misleading Design. When this sword is identified by way of the Identify spell, it appears to be the legendary sword Luck Blade. The Luck Blade is an object so famous that this almost-identical weapon can be identified as a Luck Blade with a DC 15 Arcana or Investigation check, though the player may not know the exact scope of its abilities. Identifying this item’s true nature requires a DC 25 Arcana or Investigation check, revealing that the sword’s hilt has been almost invisibly inlaid with a duck head motif.

Martin Wolf

Hey Tortles, Don’t you just hate when you’re trying to have a high stakes , nail biting conclusion to an arc, but you can’t help knowing that no matter how many times you get knocked down, there are near unlimited healing words and laid on hands coming your way! Well I’ve got the solution for you. With these simple home brew rules , your PC’s can die in the gut wrenching climax your narratives deserve. 1. Getting knocked down in combat gives the player a level of exhaustion, sure you’ll bounce back up when that pesky paladin comes a touchin’ but how many times? 2. Death saving throws often lead to everyone making plans based on them knowing you’ve got a few more turns in you yet, So let’s hide em! Have your PC roll a death save and only show the DM , or for ultra high drama, just have the DM roll them in private! No m more getting hacked to death by goblins and having your cleric wait two turns to even come check on you! Have your party make perception or medicine checks on their turns if they want a rough guess at how your throws are going , but which hero ever said “you can leave a man behind for a few turns , they’re fine!”

James Hailstone

Hi cuties, My boss's partner is playing in a game where the DM has introduced an absolutely dangerous homebrew. At the start of the game, the players are given a d100. At any point in the game, they can replace ANY dice roll with the d100! HOWEVER! After doing so, the power of the d100 is handed over to the DM. Now the power to replace a dice with the d100 is in THEIR hands. This goes back and forth during the rest of the session, until someone throws it away in anger I suppose. Some sessions it's used recklessly - but in other sessions it's never even touched but for a fearful glance. For a d100 percent stake of this dicey game of mutually assured destruction I'm prepared to accept one d100 eggs (out of which I'll give 99% to my boss).

Qnit

Tortles!! For your eggy wallets I have a most exciting Wonderous Item. Ever wished your Alchemist was more Alchemical? Presenting: the Alchimest's Crossbow. A rare item, requiring attunement, this light crossbow functions as a spellcasting focus for artificer spells. For spells with a range of touch that target only 1 creature, you may make a ranged spell attack roll. If it beats the target AC, you may cast a melee spell at range. If you target a willing creature, you gain an added bonus to the attack roll equal to the target's Dexterity modifier. All this could be yours for the low low price of your first-hatched egg and a 10% stake in this company!

Kate H.

A time crystal thingy.. I guess I should mention that I am not player nor DM, just a humble fan of the show, but I do have this one idea for a hopefully not too op item which could lead to it's own crazy side quest.. A crystal (or ring or watch or something) which let's a caster, once per day as a bonus action, open a portal to one hour in the future so their future selves can cast a spell through it, basically allowing them to cast a second spell as a bonus action. They then have to cast that spell one hour in the future.. the fun weird side quest comes in if something prevents them from 'closing the loop' (if they die or even just dont have the spell slot), if this happens, time breaks and the party has to go on a weird doctor who esque adventure to fix it. I don't like eggs so.. I guess cash if that's cool?

Cack

Shello Tortles, Have you every wanted to be a more magical rogue, whether an arcane trickster or multiclass, only to be disappointed to be stuck between utility spells or sneak attacking? Well no longer, with the homebrew feat: Sneaky Spellcaster! With this feat, a rogue is now allowed to apply sneak attack to any levelled spell that requires a spell attack on a single target, with sneak attack damage being applied in the spells damage type. In exchange for 49.9% of this feats inevitable profits, I ask only for 5 eggs and 1 million dollars. P.S. don't watch hate the show.

Noah Coleman

Dear wise and effervescent tortles (and Jake) I am here to present the magicians choice ttrpg edition. Do your players constantly upset your plans and you get frustrated with the chaos? Simply reflavor your stats. Are they in a bar fight instead of your dungeon? The skeletons are gang members thr vomiting zombie a drunken pirate with grog breath so bad it could stun a dragon. Never struggle to pivot again

christien

Greetings You Tremendous Tortle Certified Tens! Today, I present to thee, my Roguelite DnD 5e fusion. I had the idea when some key players could not make the main sessions, but the remaining players really wanted some crunchy DnD Dice tossing. I took inspiration from the game Dead Cells. I had the PCs draw dungeon geo morph cards at random to build the "level". Everyone rolled a level 3 character. Behind the screen I rolled for "enemy theme"; undead, devil, monstrosity, bandits, etc. This also let me test out some homegrown monsters/bosses. Everyone gets 1 chest to open at the beginnjng, which equated to a random loot roll behind the screen. Everyone attuned to magic items immediately, and if they can get through my 3 stages, and the boss, they level up to 5 and pull more cards for the next level; level 8 after that, 10 after that, and so on until 20. Going with the Dead Cells inspiration, I also gave them an archive to record magic items and their uses, as well as a "barber" station which is basically a re roll "new you" station if they want to try new classes but still stay their character. There is more but I am getting a little long winded. Turtles, in this economy, with the price of eggs skyrocketing by the literal minute, would you feel comfortable taking a 60/40 egg dividend split and get all up in this omelet?

Zon

Greetings fellow Torts, The idea I'm presenting to you today is for an artificed device that creates an area with a sort of "spell queue" effect. You know how when your printer stops working, sometimes when it comes back it'll print the same document 5 times if you didn't cancel those print jobs? When players enter the area off effect, magic doesn't work. At first it seems like a standard anti-magic field, but the DM lets the players know that they can feel their spell slots being used, but that nothing happens when they cast. The players have to disable/destroy the device in order to access their magic again (magic items also become null in this area). When magic comes back, the entire queue of spells they tried to cast went off at once like a bunch of held actions. The device in question may or may not look like an old Xerox machine, it takes double damage from bludgeoning, is resistant to all other physical damage, and immune to magical attacks. Thank you for your consideration, Fear the Turtle, Caitlin

xatlern

My proposal: Playing online so you can jork it

Eden Hunter

Hi Tortles! Getting right to it, don't you hate when your "problem player" is ruining your campaign? I bet you're really tired of crumbling up yet another beloved NPC statblock after the weirdo bard in your group starts awkwardly flirting with it. Do you also have crippling social anxiety or maybe you don't feel like having a mature, healthy conversation about it? That's right, talking's for losers; that's why my homebrew for you today is Wish-spiration! Wish-spiration is pretty easy to grasp, instead of giving out inspiration to your players, just completely nuke your campaign by giving them a one-time use wish spell! Make sure to monkey paw the absolute shit out of them to completely suck their love and enjoyment of the game. Wish for an all powerful artifact that could one shot the BBEG and all of their minions? Nope, it teleports them to a harmless demiplane, and now it's a surprise tool you can call upon later! Now you can scrap everything and start the game you ACTUALLY care about. I'm looking for 200,000gp for 10% of the company, or two really badass looking eggs. Thanks shark- shit, I mean... Tortles!

Mac

Hello esteemed Tortles! Today I bring to you a new religious sect for clerics: The Order of the Sacred Geometry. This, somewhat cult-like group believes that the world and the vast majority of decisions are determined by numbered blocks thrown by unknowable, primordial beings. As a priest of the Order of the Sacred Geometry you gain access to a number of roll-influencing spells and class features, such as the ability to bestow luck points (or stronger) on party members or increase the level of an attack die. I bring you this barely fleshed out idea today and I'm only looking for a meager meager payment of 2 eggs (hard boiled) Thank you

Ryan Dilks

Hi tortles, I come to you today with a cursed item! Do you as a DM ever want to cause some shenanigans and mess with your players? Sure you do, we all do and let's be honest, some of them deserve it. I present to you the "ring of true wild shape" a player of any class that wears the ring can wild shape into whatever animal they would have access to at their level if they were a druid. Heres the cursed part, they lose all control of themselves and not only take on the shape of the animal, but it's mind and mannerisms as well! If used in combat the effect lasts for 1D4 rounds and if used outside of combat it lasts until the party can rest, either short or long. The players gives control of the animal to the DM for the duration. Imagine the chaos of a barbarian wild shaping into an owl bear during combat and now there's just a wild owl bear in the fight, or having your rogue wild shape into a cat to sneak in somewhere and gather Intel only to find themselves taking a nap in a Sunbeam or chasing around a bird. I'll take 3 eggs for a 10% stake in this item tortles P.s. hate the show, never watch it.

Brandon

Hello Tortles! Today I have a pitch for the ultimate in child friendly conquering The Cen-Sword™: The first magical sword of children around the world, this +1 sword allows them to remain innocent and uncorrupted even during the heat of battle. By deploying selective blindness spells this sword blocks out any vulgar or violent imagery in real time. Keep little Timmy by your side while you slaughter your enemies and give him the wholesome and pure childhood you never had. Cen-Sword™ comes with a patented wrist strap to prevent your darling angel dropping the sword and being exposed to the horrors of war. Purchase our companion piece, The Helm of Innocence™, to turn the screams and cries for mercy into giggles and cries for Ice Cream! I am seeking 2000 gold for a 10% stake in my company

Michael Beck

Hey Team, I used to have a player who rolled so bad I made him a magic item. It's called the Omencoin, a single mundane looking gold coin. At the start of every session, players roll a d20, and the lowest roller gets possession of the coin. When the coin holder rolls a nat 1, they flip a coin (or roll odds vs evens) and if they call it right, the nat 1 becomes a nat 20.

Sean Kehoe

Hello College Humor alumni, I was thinking about having a sort of mindcontrol effect characters after they pass away and in the final battle you fight with all the characters you lost, this Way death has more of a toll in the long one, you could also add in say if this person was an experienced paladin of a certain order, they manage to get turncoats into the society so you don't know who to trust. Another idea is the agile ranger or rogue manages to sneak into your camp and steal supplies or McGuffins thinking about it I think it would be interesting but I think a lot of things could backfire if the encounters get too difficult it'll be sort of recursive and just make it harder and harder to win. Do you think this is something that would work but just needs a little tweaking or do you think this is something that would be difficult to implement in the game? Any advice is welcome Thank you so much for your wonderful support! also tell Caldwell "turdis"

Quinn Nash

Hello Tortles: have you ever rolled a nat 1 to hit someone and wished that it was even more punishing? We'll have I got the product for you. Introducing the counterattack. Whenever you or an enemy roll a nat 1 to hit you, you may make a free attack against them as their miss was so bad it left their defenses open. You must be within range to make this attack and you may use spells for this counter if you have the war caster feat. It has been rigoursly play tested by my group and is a fun rule we all enjoy. It's very fun when you roll a nat 1, only for your enemy to roll a nat 1 on their counter attack against you. I'm asking for 10,000 of your most supple and nimble eggs for a 30% stake in this company.

JC

Tortles, I am here to present a new method of stat generation for characters. I found this originally created by someone going by JohnnyCanuck, though I have modified it for my own means. This is the 24DL6 method. Rather than roll for each stat individually, instead, roll 24d6 and drop the lowest 6 results. Then, assign the resulting dice to each stat. Each stat must have at most 4 dice, at minimum 2. Stats cannot go over 18 with no required minimum, but a suggested minimum of 6. This method has all the randomness of dice rolling with all the customization of point buy. It has generated some incredibly powerful characters, and one warlock with a 4 strength. It allows for a wide range in the party as well, both in terms of stat distribution and state totals. Tortles, I am offering 50% of future chaos in exchange for just like one really crisp high five. I'm open to negotiations.

Fish Harlan

Dear whovians and the grinch himself. I bring you the robe of wild wonder. This robe is a legendary item that has 100 possible solutions from each pocket of the robe. The stuff pulled from the robe ranges from the deck of many things to a plain regular orange. This item is suppose to be a one and only item so very game breaking.

Josh Zellers

Tortles, may I introduce Chirps, an artificer-style messaging system for a campaign with that vibe. Basically a Chirp is a tiny mechanical bird automaton, and you can use the Message cantrip to encode a message into the Chirp. You just send the bird loose and opa-Harry Potter style, it flies to its intended target. This allows characters to send messages long distances without needing spell slots. However, the fun part is that just using a cantrip means the Chirp is unencrypted. Anyone who physically possesses the bird can hear/read the message. You may expend spell slots of higher levels to encrypt the message with magic that must be undone with dispel magic. This enables your party to intercept Chirps but need to seek out a powerful mage to decrypt them, or for them to be risky or careful when sending their own messages. It's also super fun as a DM as they can get back to their party HQ and have piles of unread Chirps, some dire plot points, and others banal requests from citizens. I am asking for an investment of 200 iron bird nests, and funds to employ several kooky artificers to build the initial fleet of Chirps.

Sammo Cando

Hear me out: No Good or Evil Gods. I'm using this homebrew in my current campaign and it's created very interesting plot hooks and factional conflict. Essentially, before the campaign I created a pantheon of gods that are neither good nor bad. I articulated for the players what the god is a patron of, as well as what their best and worst adherents do in the name of their faith. For instance, Zelgor is the god of justice, law, and conflict. His followers believe in upholding the law and protecting ones home, but some use Zelgor as a convenient excuse to wage endless war on their neighbors. Or take Sythras is the god of death, secrets, and the hidden corners of the world. His followers can be seen as noble guardians of life’s inevitable end, with some devoting themselves to helping people and families prepare for death. Sythras also counts a number of radical death cults among his ranks. Purely good or purely evil gods are boring. Why not make faith in D&D complex and murky? All I ask for is your most nuanced egg.

Kevin

Good tidings my terrific tortle titans. I bring a pitch for an idea I have been using for some time. In 2 words, lingering injuries. No DM likes when players are constantly being knocked down and brought back up during a battle. It can really bring down the stakes. That is why my proposal is that whenever a player character is knocked to 0 hp they aquire a lasting injury that won't go away without more significant intervention than just regaining hp. Fire could cause a burn, cold could cause frostbite, and bludgeoning could cause broken bones. These injuries would come with mechanical disadvantages and could even worsen after being repeatedly knocked unconscious. I request 2 and a half slimy eggs in exchange for 25 a percent equity. Thank you and I hope I have tantalized your tortle intellect.

Carter Lance

Hello Tortles! I bring to you today: Opposed Arcana roles! We’ve all had that moment when a player triumphantly counterspells a spell, only to have it taken away by another counter spell. It feels unsatisfying, and ultimately takes away from a fun moment! I present to you Opposed Arcana checks! In the event that a counterspell is used on another counter spell, the two spellcasters roll opposed arcana checks using their spellcasting modifier. Two spellcasters slinging magic trying to counter the other. it takes a tense moment and makes it fun! You choose to upcast your counter you would get a +2 bonus to your roll for each level. I’m looking for $100,000 and for Emily Axeford to officiate my upcoming wedding for a 40% stake in my homebrew. Thank you!

Caleb Brooks

Hello tortle I have worked out an item that has been a blast using. An off hand dagger that gives you more interesting ways to use misty steps both racial ones (my pc is a shadar-kai) and spell slots. You can choose to expend a use on a hit sending your enemy 30 feet in a chosen direction including up. I ask for nothing just love this item my dm work on with me and want to share the fun

Thorbjorn

Your honors, I present cats. That is all

Lady Nishi

Good afternoon most exquisite Tortle Toverlords. There is little more disappointing in DnD than hitting on an attack, only to deal a truly abysmal amount of damage. In light of this, I present to you the Ring of Misfortune, which turns low damage into future potential. If, while wearing this ring, you roll less than a third of the total rollable damage (TRD) on an attack, the ring gains one charge. After gaining three charges, you may make an unarmed strike using the ringed hand. On a hit, you deal a guaranteed 5x your level damage and the charges reset to zero. On a miss, you deal normal unarmed strike damage, but the ring stays fully charged. On a critical hit, multiply the 5x your level by 2 for a total of 10x your level. Note: TRD refers only to the damage rolled on the dice themselves, and does not include modifiers or bonuses. For example, if your weapon deals 2d6+4 damage, discard the +4 to make the total rollable damage 12. If your 2d6 add up to 4 or less, the ring gains a charge. The ring may be passed between party members, but will lose one charge each time it is passed to a new person. Spell attacks may also count towards charges. This idea has not been playtested for balance, so I apologize in advance for any strange math mistakes. All I ask for in return is a happy and healthy family for the absent Tortle Tanner, and also a million dollars.

Rissa

Hey there tortles! With you permission may I approach you guys at the tank. Have you ever thought hey this nat 1 isn't too bad I wish it was more buff and shredded like Murph. Well I bring to the buffed nat 1. Whenever an attacker rolls a nat 1 (enemy or player) they stumble and leave an opening for an opportunity attack. For spell casters if the target rolls a nat 1 on saves the spell counts as a crit against the the target. All I ask if for one buff Murphy egg and the rights to Jake's possibly future second child.

daniel e

Hello Tortles! I bring to you today the Celestial Globe. This palm sized sphere made of silver is engraved with a map of the stars. Once a day as a reaction when a creature within 60 ft is required to roll a saving throw the user may cause the globe to spin. The player then rolls a d20 and the creature uses that die roll as if it was their own. This may only occur before results of the rolls success or failure is announced. After each use the engraved stars on the globe shine bright as one fades out into darkness. Once a result is rolled by this item it may never be rolled again via the item. Once all 1-20 are rolled the globe becomes a mundane item worth ~300 gp This creation can be yours for the price of 2 eggs a day for a month and giving me a ride to work while my car is in the shop.

Chip

Hey tortles, it’s great to be wet in the tank with you. Here’s my quick pitch - adversity points - they are a game mechanic that helps players deal with crit failures and moments of disappointment. Whenever a player has a moment of disappointment connected to a roll - a natural one, failing a check that is important to the story, even the barbarian missing on their only attack- you can reward that player with an adversity point. Adversity points can be held on to by players and cashed in later to add a +1 to a roll. Far more fun than advantage for inspiration in my opinion. Game systems like kids on bike use this to great effect but it’s really fun to throw a random adversity point into my 5e games as players love when cashing in 2-3 adversity points they earned over months, makes the difference for one big important role. If I forget to give out adversity points for a while, I will just use them to reward my players for remembering, important information, or will even offer adversity points to players who want to do the recap of the last session for me. When playing with kids I’ve offered a max of 3 adversity points if they can remember enough detail. I am looking for a baker’s dozen of eggs for 10% of this idea. If you say no, you are all awarded 1 adversity point for passing on the deal of a lifetime.

Connor K

PS, anyone reading this *ahem Jake* please feel free to use this in your home games or on your podcasts

Matty H

We’re not alright, but we get lost in the tank nonetheless. Tortles!! In honor of Caldwell, a wacky roll that we never forget— My ranger/cleric joined the campaign late, and my first roll? A nat 1 that saw me shooting a fellow party member on accident as introduction. Our lovely DM has since gifted me with the Oathbow of the Raven Queen which, in addition to normal Oathbow stats of extra damage to a sworn enemy, also does extra damage to favored enemies and has a number of charges of 3rd level Cure Wounds per day so I can shoot my allies to heal them. This nat 1 bit now persists forever!

Carly Collette

Hello Tortles! I’m here today to talk to you about a problem that I guarantee everyone who plays 5e has encountered, or will encounter at some point. When is the worst time to roll a nat 20? No Justice Axford I am not talking about Initiative. The absolute worst time to roll a nat 20 is when you are rolling with disadvantage! You see the beautiful 20 starting up at you but you can’t do anything about it. Not Anymore! My little bit of Homebrew allows you to take that otherwise useless nat 20 and turn it into a +1 on whatever attack/check/saving throw or whatever else you are rolling. Is it going to make the difference and push you over the edge to clear that DC? Maybe! Probably not. But wouldn’t it be so cool if it did! At the very least it is going to do something other than just sitting there feeling like all that luck just went to waste. I am offering a license to use this Homebrew, in perpetuity, throughout The Universe, hell you can even port it over to Pathfinder! All I ask in exchange is a shout out in the episode the first time this rule comes into effect in any given campaign. Thank you for your time, ~Elf0004 (pronounced Elf Triple Oh Four)

Elf0004

Tortles I dip my toes in your tank to bring you an item you can’t refuse. The Bag of Sharing - it’s a communal bad of holding that is connected to other bag of holdings, like 5-10. You could grab one of your various potions you store in there or perhaps you pull out a sack of flour from the sweet gnome baker who uses the bag to tote around her heavy groceries. Or a vile of purple worm toxin that a rouge stored after stealing another one of the sister bags. Have an item you don’t want your players to have anymore?! An easy solution to mix up your games and add or reduce items

Jacob Bauer

No we are not!

Jesse Dunlap

Hello Tortles! Does your party want to get fucked up, but doesn't have the time or gold to do it at a tavern the old fashioned way? I'm introducing the best spell, Haggie's Instant Intoxication! Now you can start brawls on the street, or give your Way of the Drunked Master monk a little boost. But that's not all! For a few extra spell slots, you can get the dragon terrorizing the town wasted too! So give it a try, and cheers to no beers. Haggie's Instant Intoxication Haggie's Instant Intoxication Level: 1 School: Enchantment Casting Time: 1 action Range: 60 ft Components: sugar, potato, or strand of wheat Duration: 1 hour Classes: Artificer, Bard, Druid, Sorceror, Warlock, Wizard The target of this spell becomes instantly drunk. This spell cannot be cast on one's self. The target must pass a DC 15 constitution saving throw (or a DC 30 saving throw if the spell is consensual) or become instantly drunk. The drunk person has advantage on strength and charisma saving throws but has disadvantage on dexterity and wisdom saving throws. The person also must use a -1 modifer to all acrobatic, stealth, and sleight of hand checks. At level 1 this may be used on a medium or smaller sized creature. At level 6 it may be used on a large sized creature. At level 7 it may be used on a huge sized creature. At level 9 it may be used on any sized creature.

Matty H

Hello!! On this dreary day let me tell you about a mechanic that has made my players' backstories shine. I allow my players one "Flashback" slot per long rest. Though any of them can use the Flashback slot, it is consumed for the group as a whole when used. The Flashback slot can be used to: - Return to any time period in which the characters had "off-screen" time. This can be any moment from years before the campaign began, to perhaps moments before entering the lair. - Describe the action your character took that could reasonably affect the circumstance as it stands. Depending on roleplay, the PC must roll to determine the results of that flashback. - This is NOT the Wish spell. These were actions taken off-screen by the PC that we are just now seeing the results and impact of. This has allowed players the agency of quickly creating relevant backstory to the current events of the campaign. While this could have some cases of misuse (I Flashback to when i killed Strahd!), my three players and the collaborative nature of our table provides enough incentive to focus Flashbacks on things like "I Flashback to that time I fell down that endless hole, so I am very scared of this entrance to the underdark. I butt scoot the entire way down."

Rob's Wit

Tortles, I come to you with not one idea but one hundred. For random encounters I’ve had the idea of using my commander decks to randomly draw the encounter. If it’s a lane, then no encounter, creature then you have to have an encounter that that creature. Artifact? Magic item just for you. Instant sorcery or enchantment? Looks like you are in the crossfire of a wizard battle or a enchants Medow. Time for a wild magic surge. The flavor voices on! Pick a deck according to the terrain and theme. As a bonus incentive your players may want to join in on your MTG hobby.

Jesse Dunlap

My DM made silvery barbs a second level spell, because it was too powerful as a first level. Is this worth putting your eggs into? Or should I take her to court?

Michael

as a player in one of shelby’s campaigns, i can assure you this is a solid investment!

Elana Kadish

Tortles: has this ever happened to you? You let your players gamble using real cards in your session and it devolves into just playing blackjack? In order to remedy this problem I've come up with a solution: make gambling less fun. Instead of using real cards (gross) have your players roll instead (yay). Each game starts with each player rolling 3d6. Then basic blackjack rules apply, but a "hit" in this case means you roll an extra d6. If you go over 21 you bust. I find that keeping the players in the game by using dice instead of cards is great. You can also have them roll a slide of hand to try to cheat at the game and let them re-roll one of their d6. Makes for fun role-play, and keeps people engaged in the game.

Dale Durham

Same!!! NADDPOD is truly such a comfort. I’m also grateful for the community here— a helpful reminder that there are a lot of wonderful people out there!

The Fun Yaunt

Hello and good morning to the wonderful Tortles, today I bring to you a great weapon for a low level party. Flintspark (+1 long sword) Flintspark is a sword made of flint along the broad side of the sword and steel for the edge. The sword has 3 charges. When a creature misses a melee weapon attack by 5 or more you may use a reaction to use a charge and cause the creature to make a constitution saving throw(DC 13)or be blinded until the end of your next turn. All expensed charges are recharged after a long rest.

Ricky the Moist

Same, I’m binging old nadpod episodes to help get out of bed and feel. But it’s hard

Raina Saha

I'm mourning for you guys over here in New Zealand. We're in this together even if we're on the other side of the world

Dr Doofenshmirtz

Will be nice to have a Tortle Tank to look forward to, and appreciate y'all for helping entertain us during *gestures* all this

Alexander Lawhorne

Greetings Tortles, Having previously made hundreds of gold pieces on Invisible Rope, I proudly introduce Invisible Arrows TM. Great for any rogue, ranger, or fighter. The enemy won't know what hit them. I offer you 49% of this business venture, and 5 percent royalty on ever pack of 20 arrows. The arrows retail at 200 GP for a pack of ten. They are very hard to find in stores.

Dave 3D Art

Listen we're all business women, right? Tortles for your business women eggs I present to you the Arcane Refinery! Are your Players obsessed with magical loot? Are your Players collecting too many cursed items? Are your Players inexplicably hauling around divine hearts, lich phylacteries, infernal relics, etc etc, all without being hunted constantly by the associated factions in your world? Maintain the internal consistency of your setting! Introduce an arcane refinery! Run by an eclectic absent-minded arcane researcher and their bubbly yet mildly sinister assistant, the refinery is a facility where your players go to have their magical items uncursed, restored, repaired, and revamped. Did you give a player a ring of True Strike they never use? Does your wizard forget that she has a Staff of Snakes because she's fully 12th level and could not need it less? Guide your players to the refinery where they can have their items reforged! The way I run this in my games is at certain points in the game (major milestones at a higher level usually) I provide an opportunity for players to encounter the Refinery. Mechanically the Refinery can just exchange gold for items directly, or it can be used to destroy curses while preserving enchantments, or it can be used to remake magic items into something more suited to the character. It becomes a narrative means of letting the player tell you how they wanna spec their character. It also gives you reason to nerf their request if their level 10 ass asks for the Holy Avenger Greatsword (they get a damn good Greatsword but it ain't the real deal, this is just a refinery after all). Also staffing the Refinery and making it part of the magical ecosystem are great plot hooks, like who works there and why, and how does the refinery interact with the magic of the city it's in, or the local environment, etc. Business women if you're willing to thaw your eggs for this Arcane Refinery we can get a facility in production with an adorkable intern (oppa New Girl style), a himbo receptionist a la Chris Hemsworth in Ghost Busters, a bubbly but intense genius assistant with a chip on her shoulder, and a sarcastic obsessive quirky genius in the style of any USA procedural detective show (like Monk, Psych, Burn Notice I think? Did anyone watch that? I only ever saw ads for it, I never saw it airing). For only a few eggs per staff member we can get a full USA Characters Welcome criminal of the week procedural going, and for a few more, we can add an overarching plot that ties into the main character's backstory (presumably a dead wife or husband, or maybe a missing child or something really gripping like that). Did this suddenly turn into a network pitch for a pilot? Maybe. Does that make me the best business woman? My genitals would say no, though why they're speaking is beyond me. But our eggs in this tank? They would say yes, though again the talking eggs are somewhat concerning. Thank you for your time Tortles of the Tank.

Muqtadaa Miandara

Hello Tortles today I have for you some Homebrew Sand Zombies, the main idea of them is if they get wet they gain HP turning into more hearty wet Sand, and if they get hit with a flame based attack or lightning will increase their AC as part of them will turn into glass. Will also regain HP every round if standing in sand, but that does not happen if they become wet or turn partially to glass.

Jack Malizia

Need y’all more than ever, that’s for sure .

Jeffrey Steck, Lord of the Fjord

Good day most rich Tortles! Have you ever put thought into what kind of character you would make, and wanted to run a one-shot fight in the Denny's Parking Lot between you and your best friends, but no background and feat really fits you? Well look no further than this fun pack of homebrews! Divorced Parents background Skill Proficiency: Performance, Stealth Tool Proficiency: Shoplifting Tools (thieves tools) Languages: one extra of your choice Equipment: weeks worth of clothing in a tiny bag Traits: -advantage on stopping a fight/cooling a situation -two uses of the "calm emotion" spell per short or long rest God Complex Feat -constitution becomes 22 (+6) for 10 minutes (or until unconsciousness) -after Con becomes 7 (-2) for an hour afterword -once per long rest LGBT? Feat -anyone trying to get insight on you rolls with disadvantage (including yourself) -advantage on stealth when moving into a small enclosed space (ie closet) Others included in package Backgrounds: Grew Up Moving Around, Only Child, Communications Major, Theater Kid Feats: Addiction, Hyperfixate, for purchase (AND ownership) of this package, I humbly request 5 eggs, and someone to come film our parking lot fight

Lee

Definitely not. But what has everyone's favorite character to play was

John Wilkes

Hi there centortles, I have a pitch for you. Hopefully yall have spent a year collecting your eggs. I present to you “the deck of Mild, wild and many things” We are all familiar with the deck of many things, but often people are hesitant to engage with it because it can derail campaigns, or if they do engage, it puts a character in a gem. What if there was an update that increased interest and provided players more agency so they’re less angry at their DM for the results? Enter: the decks of mild, wild and many things. Picture walking into a seer’s store and they offer you the opportunity to pull from one of their 3 decks. Much like the traditional deck, you must declare which decks and how many you would like to pull and you cannot break that commitment. The deck of mild: is a midification of the traditional deck, all best and worst cards are removed & everything remaining is reduced by a 1d10 +2 to equal the percent (minimum of 30%) eg: gem card & rolling a 6 means the 50,000 is reduced by 60% equaling 833.33 gold pieces. Deck of wild: the two best and worst cards are removed and it is a gamble of the rest… you have the chance to increase you gains or suffer worse consequences with a luck check. 1-8 and the card is a bane result (if pulled with a good card the “gain” is now a loss), 10-16 the result is the same, 17-20 and you reward is an increased boon or a buffered consequence if a bad card is pulled. High risk, high reward. It’s the DM’s discretion of how these are implemented. It prevents game breaking bad or good luck and adds some stakes to an already overfamiliar mechanic. I am seeking 12,000 eggs, over easy in exchange for a 69% percent residuals stake and other back end profits

Shel B Kennas 1st fav sprite girl Loved returning to the Multiverse of Mavrus Happy Hogust Hoglidays to all nd to all a good tug

Nothing to pitch to tortle tank but I'm thankful for y'all ❤️

Andy Cheng

Man I can't think about flipping DVDs right now

Elliot

May Tortle Tank heal my devastated American soul 😭😭😭

The Fun Yaunt

introducing…the cow house! its a cow. that through magic, the players can hide out in the memories of the cow, use as a fortress and a getaway, teleporting out to do adventures and then come home to recoup, and distract themselves from the trauma of battle by watching the cow’s memories of eating grass all day

Syf Sloane

Greetings Transcendent Tortles, today I am presenting Simultaneous Initiative. How do you solve the problem of over-long combat rounds, of players not paying attention when it’s not their turn, of dull and predictable fighting patterns? By taking everyone’s turn and mixing them together into a gumbo of carnage and joy. With Simultaneous Initiative, everyone declares their character’s Action, Movement, and Bonus Action in reverse order of their Initiative modifier (low to high). This is the Action Pass. Then, everyone goes around again declaring any Reactions to these declared Actions (the Reaction Pass). Then, when all declarations are made, everything is resolved simultaneously. Characters are moved, damage is applied, spells are spelt. Initiative is only ever rolled head-to-head when two characters are trying to do the same thing and only one would be able to (ie, stand in the same spot, grab the same cursed gem, etc). Characters may also spend their Reactions to either take a Quick Action or an Aim Action. A Quick Action resolves before the rest of the Action pool (letting a character snipe a fleeing boss, or dash for a closing exit, or…), while an Aim Action resolves after the rest of the Action pool but gives a character Advantage on any Action they declared. Simultaneous Initiative leads to faster, harder hitting, more engaging combats that are less easy to predict. Tortles, I am asking for an investment of 12 eggs, one egg for each person in the tavern brawl that will no longer need their own turn and can now be a single fluffy omelet.

Sam Ross

I’m not.

Morgan