Cases Please!
Added 2024-08-19 17:24:58 +0000 UTCHeya everyone! Bailiff Jack here to say that the Supreme Crit is convening this very afternoon. Please submit your brief (1-2 paragraphs, I beg!) case on this thread and we will bring you weird justice.
Comments
Came here to find my post to copy, stumbled on this. For what it’s worth, I think it’s wild and not ok.
Nathaniel F.
2024-10-01 05:08:59 +0000 UTCDear Dice Dieties and the Diet Dude, My Fiancé is setting up a dnd with me and some friends from work. So far it’s the usual rescheduling and procrastination from everyone in the group. although we are all so excited to play and just don’t know how to go about making characters. I would count myself as pretty knowledgeable in all things dnd so I decided to wait to be the last one to make a character for balancing purposes. Cut to today, where my fiancé has finally gotten on the phone with some of the group and helped them make characters or atleast talk about the vibes of the world and where their character is in this world. While they are on the phone I get inspired to make my character so I do, as I finish we start talking about my character and what they are about. Which is when I bring up my stats and how I mainly focused on making everything +0 modifiers except for the stats I know I’ll use more often as a Tiefling Bard from the Rakdos Guild (playing with the guilds of ravnica book) i.e. STR, DEX, INT, and CHR which are all +2 modifiers. My fiancé then got upset that I did my stats without him and then messaged the group chat with a stat block he said we all should have for our characters (8/10/12/14/14/16). I told him I would not use that stat block because I as the player do not like having -1 modifiers and therefore used the point but system to make sure I don’t. This caused him to become upset and talk about how we need weaknesses so we can depend on each other in the party, which I countered we would depend on each other anyways because someone else could have a higher modifier overall. Sorry for the ramble, but am I wrong for insisting on using the stats I want for my character that are within the rules of the game (14/14/10/14/10/14) or am I a bad player/partner for not having mediocre and honestly worse stats. Also we haven’t even started the campaign yet and I’m worried this might be a red flag for the rest of the campaign 🫠
IMAGOOFYGOOBER
2024-09-22 00:13:58 +0000 UTCOh, and I forgot to add that BDM is apparently a DM for several other campaigns.
DasAutoEngineer
2024-08-26 18:42:06 +0000 UTCHello Grand Masters of the Jedi High Council and that weird droid gonk. I was playing a lawful good paladin in a group of 16 playing Tomb of Annihilation. The game started with 4 groups of 4. 4 characters died in the leadup to a PVP battle which the DM had informed us at the beginning of the campaign would be used to get down to only 7 players remaining who would move on to the end of the campaign. In the PVP battle, we teleported into an arena and were set loose. I rolled a nat 20 on initiative (which I agree with Murph is dope) but, it wasn't great in this case because I teleported into an arena first with nothing to do. Real DM said that at the beginning of each round there was a loud voice saying only 7 could survive. Me and my remaining teammate stayed on the top of the map while there was some battle going on in the south side of the map. After a couple turns I felt bad about just avoiding the whole battle and I started rushing towards the battle. On my way there, another character (let's call him BDM) ran past me on their turn while invisible, I took an attack of opportunity at disadvantage. I hit them, they lost invisibility and said in RP that "I'm just an old lady trying to find my friends". His group is playing a group of old ladies for fun. It's my turn next, I take an attack at the old lady, I hit and do a 1st level smite and again BDM says in RP that they’re just an old lady and I shouldn't attack her. I RP my Lawful good paladin would hesitate, so I said that I wouldn't take my second attack. On their turn they say that they want to run away but can't because of an opportunity attack from me, I say out of character that I would let them run away since my character is hesitating, they run away. My lover attacks BDM on their turn, then on my turn I attack BDM. BDM says old lady spiel again. On their turn they try to attack me, miss, run away, and I take an attack of opportunity, I take BDM to 3hp. On My turn I say I'm going to take an attack on BDM. BDM asks on my turn if they can make a deception check that they are already fully dead, the DM allows a contested deception vs perception and I roll low. Then I attack another grandma from his team who attacked me previously. I take them down with my first hit. I take a second attack at the body for 2 death fails. I use my hasted attack for another 2 fails and kill that character. BDM out of character suggests that I need to consider changing my alignment since I just killed an old lady. BDM ends up killing my character after sneak attack and help from his team. Was I wronged by the sniveling old lady (BDM) trying to force me to RP my character to just let them go? I was a hasted level 5 paladin with 4 remaining smite slots (not spell slots). Should I have just smote down onto these sniveling septuagenarians?
DasAutoEngineer
2024-08-21 17:03:20 +0000 UTCHonorable Judges & Bailiff jake, I present to you the case of the mad mind trick. This was years ago in a Star Wars TTRPG. (I cannot remember the system but the die had symbles, not numbers) & this was early in my role playing days. I roll a force user from a jungle planet & the game begins. We are told "collect a particular data desk" & I say "you mean this one?" & Proceed to to mind trick the NPC & apparently roll high. The GM says I succeeded & then above the table says "well I had a whole encounter planned" while being visably deflated. I of course feel bad but at the time hadn't really learned how to role play properly one might say, so I humbly await your judgement.
Babbles The Clown
2024-08-21 14:28:02 +0000 UTCTo their majesties the supreme crit justices, and their errand boy Jake, I present the case of the vandalizing goblin. I DM a game where there are wild magic surges constantly in the environment due to magic cast on it by an evil wizard. My players were traveling through this kingdom and came to a temple with an alter to a deity. One of my players, a goblin rogue, rolled a d20, and said, "I got a 29 but I am not going to tell you what for yet". After the interaction in the temple he said, " with my 29 slight of hand I write my name on the doorframe where nobody else can see it". I rolled perception for the goddess, she beat his slight of hand and I struck him down with a lightning bolt the moment he stepped outside the temple and he went unconscious. Here is my dilemma. Another player who is a paladin wanted to finish the job and kill him outright for defacing the temple, which was not to the paladin's deity by the way, but I made him roll perception and he didn't beat the slight of hand. I told him his character thinks it was just a wild magic surge. My paladin disagreed and said that his character should still know that the goblin did something, because he was struck down just outside the temple immediately after leaving. I overruled it, and said he still didn't know, and that he should save his friend because he is the paladin and the party's only healer. Now I am concerned that there may be animosity between these 2 characters for the rest of the game. So, my question is this. Should I have let my paladin player murder his friend, or was I right to save my goblin vandal from the clutches of death, so that he can continue his shenanigans and potentially get murdered later. (2 clarifying notes. My players are friends and have no problems, just their characters. And also, this was session 1)
david dukeshire
2024-08-21 13:34:08 +0000 UTCTo the studious judges and the alright bailif, who's a big dragonball fan, I present the case of the Suprise Monk. I was in a game where half way through a session the DM suprised introduced his friend as a type of cowboy/assassin/bounty hunter coming after us, complete with a drawl and 2 Katanas . The Guy was playing a Kensi monk sent to hunt us down. He was level 5, same as the rest of us. He proceded to absolutely beat the shit out of the party dropping 4/5ths of us to death saves in just a couple rounds of combat. He 1v5 us and handedly kicked our asses. He took out my dwarf Fighter Lecha with 49 HP and 18 AC in one round. He then proceded to take some of our key magic items a walk off into the sunrise whistleing a tune, telling us to visit the king to get our stuff back. He also beat the shit our of our NPC, a kid named Charles. To make matters even more interesting, this was a guest appearance, he only showed up to kick our ass and steal our stuff. He ALSO just broke up with his long term girlfriend hours before the session in a reportedly messy break up, so the DM probably felt bad for him. We laughed alot, He seems like a good guy and felt bad about mollywhomping us. But judges, I ask, was this ok for the DM and player to suprise whomp us like this and steal out Key/Quest items?
Nick Andrusin
2024-08-21 10:56:58 +0000 UTCTo the supreme crit judges, fair of face and pure of spirit, plus…um, I think, Jarnk? The scenario: my soulknife rogue telepathically shoved another player’s character away from a bad guy so he wouldn’t kill him. This upset the player (let’s call him Bob) so much that he quit the Zoom session. The outcome: I had to apologize to the other player. Additional context: 1. This was my first ever D&D game, joining an online group of strangers who were already halfway through the campaign. 2. Bob was partially upset because his former PC had shown up unexpectedly (via the DM), betrayed the party and then got killed by a different NPC. 3. Confused? We all were too. Hence the request to not murder this NPC so we could get some answers. 4. Everyone in the party agreed to not kill the NPC except Bob who said he “was gonna murder this guy no matter what you guys want because he killed my old character”. Was I wrong for inadvertently engaging in PvP while trying to clear this confusion? I lay my supple neck before your court.
Candace Cui
2024-08-21 03:18:51 +0000 UTCYeah, I was so scared that I ruined my friendship lol
Victor T (Balnor's Boy)
2024-08-21 01:14:51 +0000 UTCTo the ascendant justices and bailiff Jonk, I bring you the case of Tonal Whiplash. A few years ago I played in a high fantasy campaign. This campaign was a mostly serious one and everybody was enjoying a low-nonsense take on D&D. We found ourselves in a situation where we had to break a party member out of jail. We decided to all use magical disguise rings, given to us in a previous session. The DM disguised his DM PC, Buffry a rogue halfling, as "Brotherfree". He starts doing a Hulk Hogan voice and calling everyone "Brother". He described his disguise as a fake handlebar moustache, sunglasses, and a bandana. When we questioned him, the DM said "the rings are magic, they can produce any sort of disguise" and insisted on playing Brotherfree for the remainder of the breakout. We protested but eventually gave in because ultimately it's the DM's decision on what fits the narrative. Judges, was our DM wrong to change the tone of our game on the fly for the sake of a pun and a bad impression? Or am I no fun at parties? I humbly await your ruling.
Dylan Edwards
2024-08-20 23:24:28 +0000 UTCTo the engima solving justices and Baliff Jebidah Horoscopes, I bring the case of the scrambled anagrams. Years ago I was in a Vampire the Requiem game playing a Detective turned Vampire, Jason St John, investigating a series of mysterious disappearances. For clues in game, Our gm would occasionally give us puzzles that we could solve between sessions that would then reveal more information in game for us to explore, which I did very much enjoy. Through our investigation we uncovered a conspiracy and death worshipping cult that went tp the heart of human and vampire society in our city. Near the end of the campaign, Jason discovered a coded letter that I was then given to unscramble outside of game time. This was the last clue needed to expose who was truly the mastermind from a list of potential suspects and I felt the pressure. I was hyped and got to work on it the next day. The puzzle was an anagramed two sentences, and I spent the next two weeks trying to unscramble it to no avail. My gm commiserated with me and the party were devestated but the mystery slipped through my characters fingers leading to the death of Jasons partner (in life as well as in crime solving) at the hands of the conspiracy... only for my gm to realise after the session that they had accidentally misspelled the anagram by leaving out a few key letters, making the puzzle unsolvable. The gm was apologetic and I understand that everyone makes mistakes, but the characters death stuck... which had the last few sessions ending on a sour note for me. Am I wrong for feeling robbed of my character greatest solve? Should my gm have figured out some way to retroactively fix their death? Or should I just accept that a Detective Vampires story wad always going to end in tragedy? I beg the court to finally bring justice to this mixed up world, so that my character can finally rest!
Emmett Byrne
2024-08-20 22:48:02 +0000 UTCHello elegant justices and the despicable bailiff Jorts, I bring to you the case of the ale, the wizard, and the scorched church. My party and I were in a quaint little village, looking for a lost NPC friend of ours. After a bit of searching, we concluded that we may be able to find some clues in the town church, where our NPC friend was known to be a regular visitor. We resolved to sneak into the church in the night, as to not bring any attention to the fact we are breaking and entering on sacred grounds. Before this event, my wizard friend made it abundantly clear to us that he was going to get trashed in the local tavern. Keep this in mind. We got in, and after some sleuthing, found a main room, where the corrupted form of a god was waiting for us. All doors were locked, including a large wooden one directly across the room from us. I decided to chuck some Greek fire at it, thinking that the only thing to be set ablaze would be the door. Unfortunately justices, the church was made of wood. After escaping the church, most of the party ran back to their room in the local tavern, but the wizard had seen some lights flash on in some nearby houses, and started running around the town square, yell about how “I didn’t start the FIRST fire!” As expected, in the morning, he woke up in prison. And now I am being razzed by my party, for something the wizard brought apon himself. I ask you, noble justices and maybe Jorts too, am I to blame for getting my party member incarcerated, or should I be the one rotting in the slammer?
Blue Bokoblin
2024-08-20 22:18:17 +0000 UTCFor the magnanimous justices and lowly lowly/actually alright (delete as appropriate) bailiff, I bring the case of the underperforming crit. A few months back in our Roll20 campaign, our party was in a tavern in the starter town where an ogre NPC was hosting a simple game. You bet some money and the ogre rolled a d6. You then rolled 3d6 and got your bet back for each dice that matched the ogre's. I bet 5 silver and the ogre rolled a 6, with me rolling a 3, 4, and 5. I asked the DM if I could try to persuade the ogre that 3, 4, and 5 is the same as 2 6s and that he should give me money. The DM agreed and a fellow party member gave me the help action and thus advantage. I rolled persuasion and there they were. Two beautiful green nat 20s. We all got excited by this blessing of Dice Christ, thinking I'll get my money back. However, the ogre just grunted and gave me a single copper piece. Justices, was I robbed and should get more money out of this, or should I be glad this NPC didn't decide to kill me on the spot?
Luka Vrečar
2024-08-20 21:59:45 +0000 UTCGreetings benevolent votaries of dice christ: Not a confession but a witnessing of dice christ. I was running a game on July 4th, as a way of memorializing my father who had just passed the week before. The players competed in several events of an Olympics type competition, ending with a maze containing a powerful creature (think marilith-medusa hybrid). My father was a musician and handyman, so I included a bard in the events. During the final phase of fight, the old bard ran into the thick of the fight to cast freedom of movement on the wizard, who was being constricted. The monster turned her attention to the bard, who to failed his save badly, being petrified instantly. This interruption from her attacks gave the wizard a chance to escape, and the fairy monk with only 14 HP left a chance to make a deadly gambit: If he missed an attack, she would attack immediately, knocking him out. He met her gaze, succeeded the save, and made his full round of attacks, taking her down once and for all. The old fiddler's loss created an opening for a cinematic finish to an epic event, which landed three of the PCs in the winner circles for different events. RIP Jeeter.
Tucker Collins
2024-08-20 20:18:08 +0000 UTCTo the Justices and first-time guest bailiff Jake, I present the case of the High Roller. Early in the pandemic, I joined a new D&D group on Discord. We were all new to virtual tabletops, so we rolled physical dice and announced our results. Initially, the campaign was great—lots of laughs and good times. But after a few weeks, our warlock’s incredible luck started to feel like pure fantasy. He was rolling 3 to 4 natural 20s per session, and soon it seemed like every other roll was a nat 20, with all his other rolls being successes. I became convinced he was fudging his rolls, which made the game less fun for me. I raised the issue with the DM, who agreed. The DM’s solution was to suggest we all roll in Discord. I agreed, as did another player, but the warlock and one other player refused. I still remained annoyed. During one session, I tracked the warlock’s rolls and challenged him after his 7th natural 20. The discord room went silent before he answered and insisted he wasn’t cheating. The mood stayed awkward, and the tension lingered into future sessions. Eventually, I joined another D&D group and left the Discord game. The original group disbanded soon after. So I ask: Am I to blame for the group’s abrupt end? Is the warlock guilty of fudging his rolls? Or is the DM at fault for not enforcing online rolling or addressing the issue? I leave it to the court to decide.
Yuncle Ben
2024-08-20 16:43:06 +0000 UTC🙏 Dice Christ Confessional 🙏 To the merciful court of justices and the Spindley thin ankled Baliff Jake. I put before you a heavy confession of guilt and shame. In my first years of DMing I had hosted a campaign with my close friends. We were maybe 4 sessions in where I created an encounter in a forest temple against a Hag and her Shambling Mound pet. It was going well, my party decided to sacrificing their actions/turns to set up a wild play. 2 of them chose to be grappled to distract the mound while another member "helped" launch our paladin in the air. They Bard cast Heat metal on the paladins blade before the Paladin sunk a smiting blade into its head. It was a beautiful combo, but here is my transgression; Me being the new "by the book" DM looked at the stats of a shambling mound saw it was "resistant" to fire damage. So I declared because the blade was heated it took 0 damage! The party didnt complain but the mood and excitment definatly left the room. It wasnt until days later when i realized resistant does not mean immune! Judges, should I be crucified for this? I humbly await judgment.
Josh Meier
2024-08-20 16:34:11 +0000 UTCIt sounds like everything was resolved between you and the player, but I still hope they select your case for discussion, because I am SURE the Two Crew are going to go wild for this. This is such an amazing anecdote!
Nikolaus Cox
2024-08-20 16:21:15 +0000 UTCTo the GenX Stitch judges and the Boomer Pooh Bailiff Jake, I bring you the case of the screwed up plot twist. I had a player who told me I had “complete control” of his backstory but that he wanted a twist and he wanted it to be tragic. When meeting with him he told me “No boundaries, nothing off limits. Make me shocked or cry” so I wrote a twist 1 year in advance and finally the big reveal occurred via a dispelled modify memory. The protagonist’s childhood dog (that he was searching for this entire time) was sacrificed in a ritual to make him stronger by his evil step parents and he was unaware of this due to a modify memory spell. This landed great at the table… except for the player who was shellshocked. He went quiet and then excused himself to go to the bathroom. His gf (who was spectating) was also similarly bewildered and texted me “so, I didn’t tell you guys yet but one of our dogs just died due to a coyote attack”. Thankfully afterwards we talked and things were okay but, was I at fault here for not checking in with him again about a twist I wrote a year ago before this ever happened? Should I have spoiled the surprise to avoid the faux pas? I humbly await your judgement
Victor T (Balnor's Boy)
2024-08-20 15:45:18 +0000 UTCTo the shiny and glorious judges and the dull jet serviceable bailiff Jörg. May it please the court! I bring you the case of the unreliable Aquaman. My sister an I play in a group of 6 we startet during COVID. I am the DM. She hast never played before but was interested. To the prompt of "Tell me who you want to play and I can build them for you" she answered Aquaman. Now she is playing Manaq, a homebrewy Triton Beastmaster Ranger with elemental companion. Her Character is very fun, at least when I play it as an NPC. Which is often, since she often misses the sessions. We Play online and she ist part of the scheduling, but often she cancels the same night we play. She does not use spells, forgets that she has a companion and other abilities. She only ever uses her axe after her trident was eaten by a dragon. Also she forgets to level up. I think you get the picture. Dear judges, is it too harsh to gently and respectfully kick her out of the group? I'v asked her multiple times if she still wants to play and she always says yes. But I feel like it would take a load off both of our shoulders. I humbly await your judgement. Erik from Germany
Plopp
2024-08-20 13:45:38 +0000 UTCTo the elevated, pristine, judges and the ordinary, mediocre even, Jak. I bring you the case of the NAPPER'S REVENGE. My older cousin invited me to play in a new Pathfinder campaign with some of his friends and, even tho I'm DnD's little bitch, I got excited (especially about my PC, Arthur PenGaton). On the first session, the party was preparing to rest before an invasion that would happen in a few hours, and I started happily interacting with the Magus, asking him about magic. That’s when it began... The Sorcerer, impatient to start the long rest, said: "You want to see a cool spell?" and casted Sleep on the party. The spell lasts 1min so, when the Magus woke up, he stated that he was "attacked" and "would have his revenge". They rolled initiative and, in one turn, the Magus dropped the Sorcerer with punches. He would keep going and kill the guy if the DM, my cousin, wouldn' have said that the invasion was starting and we had to deal with it. The group was silent, we never played again, and I miss my unused PC. Judges, I beg of thee to awnser: what the fuck just happened?. Who's fault was it? PS. Love from São Paulo, Brazil 🇧🇷
Gabriel Balog
2024-08-20 13:22:34 +0000 UTCTo the honorable justices and the Pokemon Bayleef, At my table, our low-level campaign has centered around running various missions to protect the small village we all met in. In my backstory, I am a cleric and a baker in this town, and have spent years building relationships with the townsfolk. Through the campaign so far, it has come to light that the mayor of the town is corrupt and his decisions are compromising the safety of the town, and also led to one of our party to be captured and held hostage by orcs in a nearby stronghold. Being frustrated by this situation, I convince the party to confront the mayor in his manor, however upon arrival, our DM informs us he has barricaded himself inside. When I move to break down the door, the DM describes 50 town guards suddenly charging up the street to confront and arrest me. This led to my confusion, as why does a small mountain village have 50 guards? The DM said that I shouldn't try to rock the boat or I would have to face the consequences. Since this situation, my DM makes jokes about how I am the "problem player," even though I was simply trying to protect the town from a corrupt mayor. Was this heavy handed use of military force against my level three PC justified, or was I subject to unjust political machinations? I submit myself to your all-knowing justice.
Josh Regan
2024-08-20 10:29:31 +0000 UTCTo the great three, those on high, the crit judges who we bow to in reverence. *Looks at Jake with pursed lips and a squint, giving a quick and awkward nod*. I DMed my first-ever campaign a few years ago, a homebrew setting of a world cast in endless night, with three moons and no sun. One of my players was playing a Firbolg Barbarian from a land called the Lost Forests. He was sent on a mission to help understand why the Lost Forests were becoming more dangerous and to find a way to reverse its corruption. After the first few sessions, he came to me to let me know that he felt that his character was getting nowhere with his story, and he couldn't find a reason to stick with the party. I quickly apologized and let him know I'd for sure give him something to allow his character to have a bit more of a spotlight. When they got to their next city, he asked if there were any places of nature there. I said yes, there was a wonderfully cultivated garden with a beautiful tree open to the public. He went there and prayed to the spirits of the Forest, asking for their guidance, where we roleplayed the spirits speaking to him and letting him know he was on the right path. I then proceeded to let him roll a religion check, with which he got a high score, and gifted him with the dew of the tree in the form of a large frozen teardrop. A magic item that would turn any worked-on pieces back into its natural form (Ex: A table back into a tree). He then proceeded to say in character "Oh, I didn't expect something so soon,". After the session, he then asked why I gave him that magic item, and I told him that I thought he wanted more of a spotlight. He said that he actually liked the slow burn of things and that giving him the item felt cheap and undeserved. He never actually used the item and eventually left the campaign for other reasons, but I still feel slightly miffed at this situation. Justices, did I give my player the spotlight that he wanted or was I too hasty and overzealous in giving him both a heavy roleplay scene and a magic item?
Omeir Syed Ali
2024-08-20 05:45:18 +0000 UTCTo my dearest Crit Justices Axford, Murphy, Tanner, and their humble servant Jake, I bring to you today "The Case of the Spider Queen's Booty" My party plays in a mostly homebrewed world and had recently been hired on a quest to capture a giant spider queen. Along the way found a "box of holding" that can carry 1 thing inside, regardless of whether it's a creature or an object. During our planning, one of our players revealed that they are a REAL LIFE SPIDER BREEDER and provided us with lots of facts about spiders and their anatomy. We made a plan to place the box of holding on the ground, wait for the spider queen to stand over it, then drop a net on the spider queen to trap it while another player uses mage hand to push the button to open the box and suck the spider queen inside. As we began the encounter with the Spider Queen, our DM told us that the spider queen had grown larger than we had realized and would no longer wholly fit inside the box. We were given the option to either A) CUT OFF THE BACK HALF OF THE SPIDER'S ASS TO MAKE IT FIT, B) not use the box and find another way to capture it alive, or C) kill the spider queen, but only receive 10% of the gold we were promised because we brought it back dead (100 gold each compared to 1,000 gold each) Our group had almost immediately decided to go with A), when our real life spider breeder came in with an emphatic No, because in real life the ass of the spider is where a spider's heart is, and we would therefore kill it. This started an argument among the players about what body part to cut off instead. The DM had to shout over the players to notify us that because this spider is magical and an aberration, the anatomy doesn't line up with real life spiders and would survive if we were to cut off its ass. The real life spider breeder became very quiet for the rest of the session and seemed less and less attentive as we finished off the battle and did indeed cut off the spider's ass to fit inside our box of holding. When the session was over, our spider breeder player messaged our DM that they didn't appreciate being condescended to during our game tonight and believes we should have been more respectful of their expert knowledge. I ask the court, should we have handled the magical giant spider queen in a more respectful manner towards real life spider anatomy or was there another solution? I await your decision with bated breath!
kendraaleigh
2024-08-20 04:13:26 +0000 UTCExalted judges, and that one dude who reads this, I bring forth the case of the unseen Assassin. Me and a group of friends played in a campaign with a small group of powerful villains, each had their own individual quirk that made them more threatening. The source of the issue however was the assassin. They were permanently invisible no matter what magics were cast. the catch was you could see them if they were within five feet. However if you gave any indicator that you noticed them to the other players you were instantly attacked as a reaction and knocked unconscious. we were then privately messaged and told to act as though we were still active. this lasted until another player interacted with our character. Judges I was knocked unconscious and stayed that way for nearly 30 minutes, because I said and I quote 'Huh what a weird bird'. Mind you my character was a serious paladin who had never gotten distracted by a bird in any previous fight, and our sorcerer Kept. Asking. Questions. Which resulted in me being knocked and staying as such for the rest of the fight. Was I royally snubbed of a clever way of conveying a message, or am I being salty for no reason. Ps. Me and this group minus a couple of players still play to this day.
Snailis who’s infecting Worcestershire for within.
2024-08-20 04:03:50 +0000 UTCEsteemed judges and the best person in this podcast, I bring you The Case of My Dad Can't Shut the Fuck Up. I used to play a campaign with my sister and my father. I told them since it was their first or second time playing, that they should try to listen closely. Except my dad definitely wasn't listening because I got interrupted almost 9 times while explaining important instructions. I told him to stop and he got upset saying that the game was supposed to be about "doing what you want." I gave plenty of moments to let them both make their own choices. Should I have not explained important things, or should he have not interrupted me? I humbly await your ruling.
Vee
2024-08-20 02:39:36 +0000 UTCTo the magnums Presiding Justices and the Lowly to the power of 100 guy Jerry?...James?...oh who cares.... I bring the case of "Karma takes too long" I run two weekly campaigns concurrently (one good and one evil). As Murph can attest, this can be pretty taxing. I was overjoyed when one of my campaigns decided they wanted to take a short break from the main campaign to have a 3-4 session "1-shot" (still figuring out how that qualifies as a 1-shot). Praise Dice Christ, someone else wanted to DM. The problem is that person is that one guy in the group who tries to rules lawyer at every turn. As an example, "I cast Fireball in that room, that would consume all the oxygen and cause even more damage from suffocation". I have been biding my time hoping Karma would come around to punish this behavior. No dice! So, with malice in my heart I created 2 characters for this campaign, opting to just take matters into my own hands and taste the sweet sweet flavor of revenge. One character for me and one for my wife with the nastiest spell/ability combinations, feats, racials, and anything else I could think of. Fast forward to meeting the BBEG. We kept it pretty reserved on all other encounters. After a monologue about how we would all die... blah blah blah, almost the entire party rolled a higher initiative than the BBEG. My wife and I unleashed the full arsenal of overpowered abilities granting the entire party advantage on all attacks. I inflicted vulnerability to all damage for my attack and and crit for over 80% of the BBEG's life. Being prone overall yielded 3 out of 4 party member crits. This decimated the BBEG in a single round ending the session after 10 minutes. Everything was silent for about 15 more minutes as the DM took stock of what happened and then scanned all character sheets for flaws in the builds. In the end, nothing could be found wrong, but the DM is now very pissed that his BBEG was taken down and all his planning was completely wasted. I ask the court, was I wrong to have gone after him with such a fiery passion or should I have just let that built up animosity go? I humbly await your just ruling.
Fyco
2024-08-20 02:04:54 +0000 UTCTo Jack & the Supreme Clit: I was playing a roleplay session with my Dungeon Master and she said I am not allowed to talk in the gimp suit. Is she out of line or am I getting what I paid for?
Whichendup
2024-08-20 01:38:17 +0000 UTCAy what’s crackin Judges and Broseph Jakeski I need to know if my party is balanced enough or if my boy T-Dawg is onto something here. We are players in the Avernus official campaign and we got 4 party members. I’m a Kensei Monk(hard to hit baby), my boy is a Watcher Paladin, we also got an Armorer Artificer and a wizard(maybe abjeration or illusion?). On top of that I have a chalice that gives me one potion of superior healing a day. My boy on that paladin wave thinks we should have had a dedicated healer. I think we are just fine. As a testament to that, our DM informed us we have 2 sessions left of the campaign. My boy still thinks differently. Judges and Big Dawg Jake, are we fine or is my boy right?
Ricky the Moist
2024-08-20 01:34:41 +0000 UTCEsteemed Judges of the Realms, and esteemed Bailiff (who we all know is just the Grinch in a cheap disguise), I bring forth the Case of the Wizard player, who took an entire players background to the grave: The accused: Magnus, a halfling divination wizard, min-maxed to manipulate fate itself. His arsenal: - Divination School's Portent feature - Lucky feat - Halfling's Lucky racial trait - Silvery Barbs This trifecta allowed him to reroll or replace dice at will, skewing outcomes invariably in his favor. The crime: Magnus, self-proclaimed Chaotic Evil, discovered a basketball-sized gem in Strixhaven's Lorehold crypt. This artifact, one of four, was crucial to freeing thousands of Quori souls - central to our Kalashtar Monk/Sorcerer's backstory. Magnus's transgressions: - Concealed the gem in his Secret Chest spell, knowing its importance. - Lied directly to the Kalashtar, claiming he found nothing. - When questioned, used Portent to turn a natural 2 into a 20 on his deception check. - Maintained this deception for 3 in-game years, even as the Kalashtar recovered 3 of the 4 gems. - In a pivotal moment, again lied about possessing the gem, using Lucky, Halfling Luck, and Portent to force the Kalashtar's insight check to fail. The final insult: During a climactic battle, Magnus fell. Instead of accepting resurrection, he chose final death - knowing this would banish his Secret Chest to the Ethereal Plane, forever losing the gem and thousands of Quori Souls. The Campaign unfortunately, dissolved due to a break up amongst the players, thus the Kalashstar player never saved his people. Esteemed Arbiters of the Arcane and the bailiff Grinch , I prostrate myself before your judgment: Was I, the Dungeon Master, at fault for allowing this halfling to run amok? Or did this wizard, with his rules-lawyering ways, simply outmaneuver me in a game of cosmic chess? I humbly accept your judgment.
waqar ali
2024-08-20 01:00:34 +0000 UTCHi Jake, have a good day! (:
Jo Wright
2024-08-20 00:27:54 +0000 UTCTo the powerful justices of the crit and the overworked bailiff Geoffrey. I bring a case not against a player, or a dm. I've been playing and GMing for over 5 years, and I've got a younger brother and sister (ages 10 & 8) that I've attempted to teach them so I can spend more time with them. I've ran one encounter for them and they enjoyed every second of it. The reason I bring this case is because my stepfather would prefer they not play. I respected his wishes until the day I watched them for an evening. It would have been the perfect conditions to keep them off their tablets and more engaging. But instead I taught them how to play poker and he was perfectly fine by it. Am I caught up in my own personal preferences, or should I try a another approach to start a family dnd game?
Jason Rodriguez
2024-08-20 00:24:23 +0000 UTCGreetings commendable Justices and rueful bailiff jank. I bring to you a case of player secrets. I am the DM of a 4 year game that has recently closed. At the conclusion to our final session, a grueling battle with the BBEG, the players were describing brief epilogues for their characters. One of the players (tea loving wizard) called for a scene where he and his in game partner (kind, timid cleric) finally get married after proposing during the adventure. I cautiously obliged, it was the payoff for two players whose characters had shaped each other for the adventure. The wizard then revealed his pages long wedding vows. I was a little shocked and impressed. (The cleric was surprised.) The wizard read his vows and the cleric mustered a sweet but awkward sentiment in return. This extended our session by an additional 30 minutes which made our druid's brief moment feel like a footnote. My question is this: Justices, was I right to allow the wizard and cleric character's surprise final scene the time they felt it needed or should I have tried harder to expediate in the name of fairness?
Anthony
2024-08-20 00:09:29 +0000 UTCTo the most high chair supreme court and the dastardly Balif Jonk, I bring to you the case of how my boyfriend imploded us, which led to me, a baby dagon and a cat to getting a parasite and crashing a Nautiloid into a fey castle... My aasimar divine soul sorcerer just removed a curse on a young dragon and as I do, the tabaxi wild magic sorcerer with a built in bag of holding in his arm, decided to test the extra dimensional space in the jack-in-the-box the dragon was released from by sticking his arm in. We imploded to the astral sea, was picked up by friendly mindflayers and during a raid of gith me, the cat and dragon was put into a pod and all 3 were infected when the infect button was pushed instead of the open button. Once out, during the battle, we crashed the ship into the side of the castle we were supposed to go to before the implosion. He thinks he did wrong by us but I think he gave us an awesome story to remember, please wise sagous blaiff shake the ceremonial keys to get the courts attention long enough to pass judgement and find my boyfriend as awesome as I do. Thank you
ReynSedai
2024-08-20 00:03:18 +0000 UTCTo the most honorable justices and my burpless brethren the baby bailiff. . . Brad? May it please the court and give you all the most supreme crit. ;) I'd like to submit the case of the quiet Kenku. My table was running a home brew campaign and we were getting close to finding and fighting our BBEG. Our party included a kenku, Crowbar, who played by the mimic rules that he could only repeat words and sounds he had heard before. The BBEG was hidden away on another plane and to get to him, we had to enter a cave full of grueling puzzles and traps to reach a portal. We barely made it through alive. At the end of the cave, our DM announced that we would be silent and communicate only in written form or telepathically, (though no one one in our crew had the message cantrip). We were presented with a written riddle (think "speak friend and enter" style puzzle). Part of the riddle was solving for the answer, the other part was determining who could say the answer. If we answered wrong, or the wrong person spoke we were told the reaction would be TPK bad, and we were very weak already from the cave. We sat around the table passing notes, and determined the answer to the riddle was "Onomotopoeia" and the person to give the answer was a choice between either the youngest member of our party, or the physically smallest member of our party. The problem? Crowbar was both. Crowbar vehemently insisted there was no way he would have heard the word onomotopoeia before and therefore could not speak it. Our DM knew going into this that Crowbar was both the smallest and youngest and seemed to be gleeful about our predicament. After several pleas to both the DM and Crowbar to try to find a loophole we conceded we could not solve the puzzle currently. I suggested we take a long rest, exit the cave, teach Crowbar onomotopoeia, rest again, and come back, as it seemed the only solution. In the process, we ran out of potions on the way out, and on the way back our cleric, the party's only healer, went down, and she failed her death saves. My hexblade warlock attempted to call upon my patron for help without success. In the end only 3 party members of our 6 member crew, including myself and Crowbar made it to the end concious. Crowbar triumphantly said Onomotopoeia and the gate opened. Our session ended feeling empty and hollow. In real life there was a fight after the session. The players expressed we were upset at Crowbar for being so stubborn and at the DM for intentionally putting us in this situation. Crowbar argued that's how his character has always been and we shouldn't expect him to change because of a bad in game situation. The DM argued that we could have been teaching Crowbar words throughout the campaign before this so we wouldn't be here. I said it was an intentionally obscure word and we had no reason to teach it. Our DM laughed at me for being so upset, so I got up and left with the cleric, saying we were going to start a new campaign. Later, Crowbar texted me and said I had overreacted to a simple difficult scenario, and that if that's how I reacted when things didn't go my way, then no one would ever want me in their dnd party. I feel justified in being mad, but wonder if I didn't react too strongly. So I come to the mercy of the court asking, was I wrong to take the Murph response of "find new friends" or was my DM being unreasonable? I humbly await your judgement and accept whatever punishment I may receive.
2fastBicurious
2024-08-19 23:35:41 +0000 UTCTo the loving (and hopefully forgiving) clergy of Dice Christ and the guy who cleans up afterwards. I have sinned not against Dice Christ but against the story-telling gods that communicate through Dice Christ themselves and write to you to seek your forgiveness. I play in a Curse of Strahd campaign. I have struggled throughout this campaign with the answers our Dm gives us when we ask to roll checks or the answers given to these checks, as sometimes they don't feel fair. One of these answers left me feeling so defeated that I strayed to the dark side. In one session, after defeating a cult of the night mother, our characters decided to long rest for the night. Upon waking, we discovered that two of our players could not benefit from this long rest. I asked if I, a paladin, could roll a religion check to determine if it had anything to do with the cult or god. I got a nat 20. The Dm then tells me, you think it has something to do with the night mother, but because you aren't from Borovia, you can't work out more than that. The cleric (an astral traveller) then asks if he can make the same roll in which he gets a 22. He's told essentially the same thing. We decided to try doing long rests during the day instead until we fix it. To try to solve the curse, we tried returning the loot the characters took, researching the night mother, carrying out quests for the powerful abbot, casting remove curse, greater restoration and questioning locals for answers. Each time we were meet with you're unsure because it's a weird land. This continued for a year, and we did not know what caused the curse or how to remove it. I finally caved in and read the module and discovered that the casting remove curse should have worked, as well as an explanation of different characters to explain this to the party. Now, whenever our Dm tells us that something we try doesn't work, I don't believe them and struggle not to check the module again to see if they're lying to us or simply mistaken. Please forgive me for my sins and help me figure out how to resist temptation in the future.
NoFunction
2024-08-19 23:34:36 +0000 UTCTo the Illustrious judges and the ill-prepared Bailiff Jake-ish, I present to you the Case of the Ill-treated Ratman. I'm a player in a relatively new level 10 campaign that started in the city of Neverwinter. During an incursion into a cult, my character, a Paladin, managed to rescue an ex-cultist named Raina who was being tortured for trying to betray the cult. After the incursion, we had a 3-month downtime where my character nurtured this cultist to health, spent his gold to buy her some magic items, and presented her to the party as a new member and his squire. During the same downtime, our Bard met a drunk Wererat named Brutus who was a street urchin, and tried to make the same I did but to completely opposite results. He got the Wererat drunk and convinced him to join us for 4 pieces of gold a week to go on adventures with us, and then completely forgot about him for the duration of the downtime. For our next adventure, the DM explained that we were going to fight an adult Red Dragon and was vocal about Brutus not being at the necessary level but the Bard insisted on Brutus coming with us. On his first turn, the Dragon released its dragon breath. The DC was 22 and Brutus had only a +2 to Dexterity, so he took the full extent of the breath: 79 points of fire damage, 2 times his maximum health which, as per the rules, is an instakill. Brutus was vaporized, and the party went silent for a moment until our bard yelled "Fuck, I just lost my gold". We ended up defeating the dragon, and Raina was a key part in that fight but justices, I can't help but feel sorry for poor Brutus. Was he mistreated or did he get what he deserved for drinking too much? I humbly await your judgment.
Bryan Merchán
2024-08-19 23:27:20 +0000 UTCTo the munificent judges and my namesake Jake! I gotta give you some love! Anyways, I digress. I bring to you the case of the anti-morph, Kong hating DM. I have been a participant in a long running campaign and at the time of this incident I was playing a Stars Druid who was eagerly awaiting 4th level spells, in particular polymorph. The party was severely lacking in any tank or front line fighters, so for the upcoming boss battle against an evil alhoon, I had a plan. I wanted to polymorph either myself, or one of my friends, into a Great Ape so we could live out our animorphs x DK combo dreams and also tank hits and dish out big damage to the baddy. Colour me suprised when the DM said I'd then have to continually roll (with a post morph diminished wisdom) to make sure I didn't turn on my party and attack them instead. I am a DM myself, so usually default to accepting any ruling and then raising a discussion later, but this time I admit I protested a little. I argued that even though polymorph states my "game statistics, including mental ability scores, are replaced by the statistics of the chosen beast" It also says that I "retains [my] alignment and personality". I argued that this should mean that I can tell friend from foe and would still be vary aware of who my enemy was in the given situation. My DM held firm, so after this back and forth, I did not cast polymorph, which meant I wasted a prepared spell and I have not stocked polymorph at all in this campaign since. I put my fate in your wise hands and ask for judgement in multiple parts - Was I wrong for arguing? Am I wrong in general for my interpretation of polymorph, or was my DM unfairly crushing my dreams of becoming a Kong?
Jacob
2024-08-19 23:18:17 +0000 UTCTo the Justices and a guy who has worked along star of 'Sonic the Hedgehog,' 'Sonic the Hedgehog 2,' and the upcoming 'Sonic the Hedgehog 3," Ben Shwartz, I bring you the case of the Pickles the Barbarian and the DND Club. When I was in middle school, my school did a two hour long event where people could check out different clubs in order to entice new members. Me and a friend went to a DND Club, and sat together at one of the impromptu tables who would try to give us a taste. They gave us pre-stated character sheets, but let us choose our names. I got a barbarian, and wanted to name it something reflecting the orcish heritage of the prewritten backstory. However, a different member of the club, not at our table, looked over and saw I was playing a barbarian. He then INSISTED I name my character Pickles, after a character he and the DM had in their home game. I did not want to name my character Pickles, but they wouldn't let me do otherwise. Eventually they reached the 'compromise' of Pickles being my nickname, even though I didn't agree to it and they only referred to me as such throughout the game. The game went horribly, as both me and my friend were largely sidelined, failed most of our attacks and checks, and weren't allowed to do or say much throughout the admittedly brief 2 hour session. It seemed that all of the other people at the table already knew the DM and each other, and largely did whatever they wanted to do. The experience left a very sour note in my mouth, and it turned me off from DND for several years afterwards. Justices, was I wronged? Should I have been allowed to go with my Orcish name without the curse of Pickles over my head? Or should I have understood the two hours is a stressful amount of time for any DM, especially ones dealing with newbies, and should just accept my barbarian's legacy nickname? I leave it in your hands. PS. In the yearbook at the end of the year, there was a picture taken of our table for the club section. The person who insisted I be Pickles was blocking part of the camera, leading me to be completely cut from the photo, as if I wasn't there at all. Not really a part of the case, more of a funny coincidence to reflect my feelings on that session.
Z Juhn
2024-08-19 23:17:09 +0000 UTCTo the Reputable Justices and the Repugnant Bailiff Jumba -- I present to you the Case of the Mis-Named Magician. I DM a long running campaign with a group of friends, one of whom began playing as a lowly street magician named Malhazar the Magical. Over the course of our years long campaign, Mal has climbed the ranks, learned many spells, and recently decided it was time to take the plunge and attempt to join our campaign's official wizarding order as a master spellcaster. During the ensuing trials Mal was sent off to do wizard things while I, DMing as a council of wizard elders, privately interviewed the other party members, asking them questions about Malhazar's character. Things like 'does he make you feel safe?', 'what's the most impressive feat of magic you've seen from him?' and 'what color comes to mind when casts a spell on you?' Little did my players know that I would be using their answers generate some new wizardly titles to bestow upon Malhazar at the end of his trials. Well...the players answered my questions honestly and fast forward to the look of confusion and disappointment on our wizard's face when he returned triumphant and was ceremonially granted his new titles: Malhazar the Mostly Alright, also known as Malhazar Gorilla-Bringer, aka Malhazar the Pink. The player immediately protested, asking why he had to be a pink wizard, and swearing he 'only conjured a gorilla that one time!' He even demanded to know which player had said he was pink so he would know 'who to be the most mad at.' Three months later our Mostly Alright Mal is still salty about his names and has complained both in and out of game. Meanwhile, the rest of the party continues to enjoy introducing the Gorilla-Bringer to new NPCs and even spent a copious sum of gold buying him some custom pink wizard robes. Justices, did I (the DM) make a mistake by bestowing these unwanted titles? Is the party in the wrong for claiming our wizard has 'big pink energy' and 'loves those gorillas'? Or does our grumpy wizard need to cheer up and embrace his mostly alright identity? I humbly await your judgment. Sincerely, Sam the Forever DM, aka Sam the Beige
Sam
2024-08-19 22:43:11 +0000 UTCTo my godly voices of reason and justice and the guy that keeps texting Tucker's date when they're out with other couples, I am submitting the Case of the Exposed Rogue. I hesitate to submit this because it was brought to me second hand. One of my players, we'll call her Trixie, plays another game with her brother in law. It was her first D&D characters and she made a rogue. Immediately, she got to pick magic items but was denied either the cloak or boots of elvenkind because they were too powerful. This is extremely confusing to me because when they started, the DM said she couldn't hide during combat to get sneak attack because the enemy would "know they were hiding there" even if she had full cover. My logic is why would Cunning Action be a thing if she couldn't hide in combat? It truly just bothers me randomly ever since I heard about it. Please give her the freedom to be a sneaky scoundrel.
cplthrawn
2024-08-19 22:38:42 +0000 UTCHello lowly lowly bailiff Jake and co. I've been running campaigns with my group for around 3 years now and this is probably my most conflicting moment as a dm. Here's some context in session like 15-20 I planted one of my extra friends as a "new party member" when in reality he was a homunculus created by the devils they were trying to defeat. Well around 10 sessions later Riggle's (Riggle is one of my players character names) adopted goblin son Garbo. Laid claim to a weapon called the Sword of Zariel(real very cool item) and got turned into an archangel. Well my "newest player" didnt like that so he decided it was time to reveal himself by casting power word kill. This sent my player or Riggle into a depressing revenge filled arc. After my homunculus player ran away because he wasn't ready to take on the party Riggle grabbed onto the sword and I decided that he was worthy. I had ruled that he would grow a second set of wings for becoming an archangel as he already had a pair because he was an aarokocra. I ruled that this would double his flying speed. He then decided to challenge Zeus himself the next session. I told him to roll a d100 and low and behold he rolled a 100. So Zeus came down from the sky lightning bolt in hand ready to fight. My player Riggle then decided to try and convince Zeus to race him instead of fighting because "it would be more entertaining" and proceeded to roll a nat 20 on a persuasion check. I allowed it and they got ready to race in a place not dissimilar to Greek heaven. After being buffed by the druid, bard, wizard his flying speed Stat was almost tripled. He then used a Masochistic sentient Shield and got fireballed by the warlock centered on the Shield to give him an initial speed boost. Before the race started Riggle bet his life and soul on the race and in return he wanted to speak to Garbo one last time. Zeus agreed and they got ready to race. They counted down and the other druid cast windwall to add an extra 5 to his movement speed temporarily. They started the race and after probably 15 minutes of painstaking math they almost beat his flying speed but were short 10. So one of the druids cast guiding bolt at 5th level to distract Zeus and you won't believe it but they rolled a 20 on the attack. I painstakingly agreed that it would distract him just long enough for Riggle to win. Everyone started cheering and when Zeus landed he smote the person who cast guiding bolt immediately putting them into death saves which got them mad at me. (I rolled the damage and it was enough to put them in death saves). Zeus then declared that they cheated and he would be taking his reward and the party started arguing that there were no rules to the race that stated they couldn't. I agreed with this logic and allowed Riggle to see Garbo. It was very emotional for the player and it was probably a highlight of the entire campaign. After their reunion they said their goodbyes and Riggle returned to his party. He then tried to convince Zeus to give him one of his bolts of lightning and after arguing for almost 5 minutes straight I told him to roll a persuasion check and everyone took the help action. He then proceeded to roll a 36(with bardic inspiration and guidance). I gave in and gave them the bolt of lightning. I made it a level 9 one time use lightning bolt. 5 sessions later I had completely forgotten about the lightning bolt and they were about to fight the bbegs. Whilst they were giving their speech Riggle proceeded to ask where are they standing? And I said in a line facing you. So with his speed doubled with Longstrider he ran to the side of them and cast lightning bolt and I rolled saves for all the bbegs and they all failed. This lightning bolt immediately reduced all of their health by like 80%. My players knew what creatures they were so they had an estimate of what their health was so I felt I couldn't lie and increase it. After VERY EASILY beating the bbegs I had the castle start collapsing so it wouldn't just be over like that. This ended up killing one of the fighters and the cleric.(They sacrificed themselves to save the party) I know it's my fault but am I wrong for being upset with how that campaign ended? Sorry for how long that was btw.
RichPanda
2024-08-19 22:36:48 +0000 UTCTo the Wife Worm and Wife Guys of the Supreme Crit, and whatever Jill calls Jake to calm him down when he's crying, I present the Neglectful Husband. We were a group of lv 7s fighting a lich and his minions. the DMPC cleric had thrust her sword into the lich's chest to absorb his magic so we would take only half damage to lower the difficulty of the fight. Knowing the lich couldn't remove the sword, my bard cast heat metal on the sword. After 2 rounds of my bullshit, my DM ruled that I'd heated the sword enough to melt it, even though that's not how the spell works. I was fine with it, and took it as a compliment for my spell usage. We won without any permanent deaths thanks to the cleric's revivify and her father, a Duke of Hell, dragging the boss to hell to completely skip the second phase. My actual grievance is that on the way home, the cleric's husband, an ancient silver dragon and my DM's pathfinder character, arrived to guide us home. As we celebrated our victory, the dragon cornered my character demanding I buy his wife a replacement sword, as the sword I melted had been an anniversary present. As a lv 7 bard, I did not have the funds to buy a new legendary class sword. He said don't worry, I can pay it off later. Judges, I do not want to buy him a sword. if he wants his wife to have a sword to defend her, I recommend he be more present in her life. What say you? I humbly await the wisdom of her worm-li-ness and the compassion of the court.
DJ Matty Lil Crits
2024-08-19 22:25:46 +0000 UTCP.S. hate the show P.P.S the player who suggested this is our other DM and saw no issue with this at all
Barlosaur
2024-08-19 22:23:21 +0000 UTCTo the lovely, lovely, lovely Justices and lovely Bailiff I submit to you a tale of my all time worst session. We start the day off by attempting to rescue a teen and our party defeats the baddies. I go down in the fight and everyone else is slightly injured. So we assembled the group and I cast mass cure wounds…. KILLING the teen who was infected with something. Even after I did a medicine check on them first! When they die I investigate what happened and end up infected myself. After the combat I took a dagger from the guy trying to kidnap the teen. Once attuned to the dagger I am told I have control of their undead monster who had stopped moving after we killed the baddies. I decide to have the monster follow us but don’t reveal this in character. My DM tells another player via dream from their deity, hey these cacti could cure the infection if you eat them but oh BTW the needles are poisonous. The other player “misunderstood” and has my character come over to where they are standing by a bunch of cacti, they then push me into ten of the poisonous cacti! According to the DM each cactus is 1d6 of damage, already hurt from the day before I am nearly killed outright. So once I get back up I get the monster I now control to come after them. Party v party fight that ends with them running away into the woods yelling that it was “a prank” and ME being judged that I overreacted especially for using the undead monster. Justices, I get that I am a kindly little cleric but can I really be blamed for attacking the character who pushed me into the cacti nearly killing me?
Gillian Owen
2024-08-19 22:22:25 +0000 UTCTo the ever glorious justices Nerfy, Worm and Tanny; and the LBJ. I bring the case of the pimped PC. While running a 4-shot outside the usual campaign I run a player had to miss the second session. A fellow player asked if his work friend, and stranger to the group and myself, could join in for a session as he was down on his luck that week. I, of course, said yes and told my friend to tell his bud to roll a character. He said he thought he could just run the other players PC as he wasn't playing that session. This gave me an immediate "ick" vibe, more so when I found out he didn't clear it with the other player. When I asked the absentee they were also not thrilled with this, which I thought was reasonable. What do you guys think? I bow to your wisdom
Barlosaur
2024-08-19 22:21:52 +0000 UTCNo case here but remind Emily to put some dice out for the super blue Moon!
Nick Lerche
2024-08-19 22:15:09 +0000 UTCTo the resplendent judges and the perspiring bailiff. I bring you the case of the scaredy cat players. My last campaign with these players ended at the final battle to stop the cult of Bane's ritual. They died trying to do one more encounter to get a "perfect run" before resting even though they were low on health. Now in the new campaign, they back away from any non-easy encounters. Their new characters had tracked the cult to a cave lair, and after fighting some kobolds they heard the local cult leader in the next room. Immediately they back away, saying how it's probably going to be a hard fight and they should just leave. So they left, without learning what they needed for the next section or finishing the quest. Something similar has happened twice more since then. I told my players they can't only do the easy fights and they said they just don't wanna be tpk'd again. Judges, should my players finish their quests even if it could be hard or should I make it all easier so they don't get scared off? I humbly await your judgement
HGB
2024-08-19 22:14:00 +0000 UTCVenerated honorable vaulted scions of lady Justice herself, and JJ the paperwork pool boy, I bring to you the case of what the fuck do I do about another player cheating? Recently at our usual Sunday game I was returning to the table when I saw the DM's partner furiously typing away on her phone. She always uses her phone to play via DNDBeyond, but the typing was an obvious difference, so I goofily said "who ya textin?" to her as I walked past. Instead of justifiably snarking at me for intruding on her experience, she eagerly showed me her screen, displaying a series of messages she'd sent to her partner, the DM. My eyes immediately focused on one text in particular: "(Player) is fixing his rolls. I just watched him roll 5 times and the call out a check he wanted to do, and then he did it again when he was attacking" To his credit, The DM replied, "I'll focus attacks on him", which was probably the smoothest move he could pull in that moment, since the only other options would have been to do nothing, or call it out and blow the whole session up. I've talked with the DM and his partner since, and they seem to think that beyond dealing with it that way in that moment, the issue is settled. Now that the moment has passed, though, I feel weird continuing to play with this player who also shows up late to games, creates min/max powerbuilds that often seem too good to be true, and on every single instance when someone says the words "bonus action" has to interject with "Don't you mean a BONELESS action?" I'd tolerated a lot of these annoyances because we're all friends trying to have a good time, but now that I know this person is cheating I feel like I'm going to be playing against him instead of doing what my character would authentically do in any situation in future sessions simply out of spite. Justices: What do?
Belligerant_Me
2024-08-19 21:57:53 +0000 UTCTo the Most Honorable Justices and Barista Blake, I present to you the case of the Nerfed Lunar Dragon v. DM. I’ve been playing with a group of friends for about 3 years. Myself and one other (we’ll call him Ashton because that’s his name) serve as the 2 main DMs. He ran our most recent campaign based on the Spelljammer Adventures which was incredibly rad x100. My character, a warlock, was gifted a familiar early on, a pseudodragon who I named Chowder. When I went through my story arc, Chowder eventually evolved into a Lunar Dragon. Ashton sent me the stat block and immediately I thought “this is overpowered. I can’t wait to abuse this”. Something to note, my play style is more loosey-goosey than Ashton’s. I tend to let my players get away with more things if they’re cool, funny, ridiculous. He’s a bit more by the books. It’s a good balance…most of the time. In our penultimate battle, we were in our space craft The Turd (giant brown turtle ship duh) battling multiple different factions (again, cool as fuck campaign) when I decided to pull Chowder into the fight. Lunar dragons have a skill called tunneling where they can burrow 15 feet into the surface of a moon. So of course, I asked “hey, can Chowder bust a hole into these guys ship pretty please?” I was quickly shut down because “metal isn’t moon” and though myself and other players tried to argue that moon can be arguably as hard as metal, I was once again told no and I let it drop. We later escaped the battle to go planetside and face the big bad, so there weren’t any dire consequences either way. Judges, was it unfair of my DM to completely shut down my totally regular ask in this game of adults playing pretend? Barista Blake, can I please get my cappuccino?? I’ve been waiting for 15 minutes. Thanks y’all are great ❤️
abstronaut
2024-08-19 21:43:39 +0000 UTCDearest Justices of the Supreme Crit and [insert greeting here] to the [adjective] Bailiff Jash, I bring you the case of the stolen setting. I was dungeon master for my ex girlfriend and a group of her friends in a custom world using homebrewed mechanics and some pretty deep lore. I was very proud of the world that I had built and grew more proud with the additions we all came up with together. It's probably the most I've ever committed to a single creative endeavor. It was great, but when the relationship ended so too did the campaign. Fast forward to today, a solid year later. I recently found out that my ex and her friends I was DMing for are still using my setting and more to run their own home game. I understand that there's nothing I can do about this, realistically and that I should probably just be flattered but I can't help but feel weird about it. I had refrained from using this world again myself partially because I thought it would feel strange or sad to do. I tried bringing this up to her but we hadn't spoken in a year so it didn't exactly go over well as the first message in a long time. Do I just get over it? Do I try to outperform myself and make an even better world? I prostrate myself before the venerable court, accepting your judgment as you deem fit.
Ryan Dilks
2024-08-19 21:42:57 +0000 UTCTo the most honorable justices, and the lowly lowly bailiff Amir, While DMing in a home campaign two of my players took the Chef feat, one of them was a Tortle Barbarian inspired by TMNT and the other a dwarf artificer. A few times they role played their cooking to infiltrate or get out of sticky situations. They always made pizza… so much so that they acquired a run down tavern in a crap part of town and fixed it up turned it into a pizza shop before the went off on their main adventure. Everywhere they went they tried to build a pizza shop During their travels a few of them made a deal with a Coven of Hags. One of the deals was delivering a letter to a man named Elliot in exchange for information about the whereabouts of a lost artifact. Inside the letter was the recipe for the perfect pizza…. Elliot was going to open up a competing chain of pizza restaurants and crush them. They delivered the letter and immediately caught on to what was happening as he went into the kitchen and brought out pizza for them all to eat. It was amazing how fast it pissed off everyone… they were plotting how to sabotage him instantly. They had so many good ideas on how to counter what happened, like changing the recipe to be bad or framing him for murder, or simply just killing him. I ruled that everything they tried to do failed because “Fey/Hag magic”. Did I do the right thing by not allowing them to try to find a workaround? Or should I have allowed some of their creativity to counter the magic? I throw myself at the mercy of the courts.
ryan
2024-08-19 21:41:15 +0000 UTCNaddpod To the erudite justices and their workplace proximity associate Jon, I submit the case of the Nat 20 vs true love. I was playing a terminally ill tortle peace domain cleric in a feywild campaign whose journey was towards acceptance of his fate and to regain an appreciation of the value of his life. At the start of the campaign, he was mildly bitter. In a carnival, our party came across a halfling proposing to his partner. Under an unfortunate magic of the carnival, she was placed under the effect of Tasha’s hideous laughter and the male halfling ran off. On finding him, the rest of my party was comforting but I rolled persuasion to convince him he is better off and should seek love elsewhere. I rolled a nat 20. Immediately on seeing his partner again, they reconciled. I argue that my nat 20 was rendered meaningless, but my DM argued that we did not see the full scope of the impact of my 20 and it is possible that it sowed the seeds of mistrust and doomed their marriage. I argue that we had no clue to that in the campaign and that a passing reference to a deadness in their eyes would have satisfied me. Justices, was I wronged? Should the world have 2 more halflings on Hinge? I await your decision.
Phil Eye
2024-08-19 21:38:15 +0000 UTCTo the beautiful Judges, and the not so bad bailiff Cameron. I am playing a collage of swords bard in a Spelljammer Campaign. My team and I were in a battle arena fighting Braxat, a huge rhino monster. During the battle I used hypnotic pattern to try to incapacitated the beast. My DM rolled the saving throw, and declared that he failed the save. So, thinking that the monster was incapacitated, the barbarian went out of his rage to prepare a coordinated attack with the rest of the teams. However when it came to the big baddies turn he moved and attacked the unraged barbarian. I reminded my DM the creature was under hypnotic pattern. He then said that the creature was immune to being charmed, so the hypnotic pattern I had cast did nothing. I argued that I would have seen that the spell didn't work, but he said the spell does not say that it tells you when the spell isn't effective. We ended up barely surviving the battle, and moving on to the next match. So, I ask the court, was I right to be upset having no clue if the spell had an effect on a creature right in front of me, or would the spell or monster give no indication if it worked. I humbly await to hear your wisdom.
Ya Boi Troy
2024-08-19 21:37:12 +0000 UTCMost Honorable Justices and Jake, I have been playing in a weekly online campaign with buds I met in high school since the beginning of COVID. At the end of an encounter, an unconscious party member was kidnapped, and after a chase scene, we saw two drow standing over him. After some conversation, with the hostile drow, I said I would move the 4th level Hex (8-hr duration) I cast in the previous encounter to one of them and give disadvantage on Deception (Charisma), thinking it could help the negotiation. My DM became giddy with excitement and said “I can’t believe you just did that”. I was confused and he said moving it would use verbal and somatic (notably not material) components which the drow would notice and they would definitely feel cursed (no spell save though) and trigger combat. I said it didn’t indicate that in the spell and he said it may not happen RAW but it is “too gamey” otherwise. We played on. The party was almost TPK’d by the combat and I burned inspiration trying to keep everyone alive. The table sees it as no harm no foul but says my choice was rash so deserved combat. I thought it was good strategy and in line with RAW. Punish me for not reading spells not for not reading minds, ya know? Your ruling would be much appreciated. Sincerely, “I Read the Book but Can’t Read my DM’s Mind”
Deryn
2024-08-19 21:34:44 +0000 UTCTo the supreme little logs and the impish bailiff Ache, I bring to you the case of the tramp-stamp disintegration. Some time ago, in an arcane dungeon, my gnomish paladin was marked with a transmutation sigil and turned into a disfigured hedgehog. The next day, when it wore off he could use the sigil to cast Disintegrate. Though, he could only cast it with Intelligence. Which is challenging for my hot, dumb gnome. In our last battle we fought a recurring villain. Our DM unveiled a cool new mini of it’s true form - a twin headed, extraplanar, crow-folk. We wamped the baddies and the villain prepared to escape. My turn came up and I politely asked my DM to make a dex save for the crow-folk. I did not declare what spell I was casting, though disintegrate is his only spell with a dex save. Despite rolling with advantage and only needing an 12, the DM failed the save. The damage exceeded the crow-folk’s current HP by 2 points. The DM asked how I would like to finish the villain. I described my hot gnome pulling up his shirt, revealing that the transmutation sigil looked like a tramp-stamp. The disintegration ray shot out of the tattoo and obliterated the crow-creature. My DM seems despondent that his recurring villain had been killed so cartoonishly. He explained that he had designed and printed the mini specially and planned to use it more than once. He also mentioned the villain had counterspell, but didn’t feel right using it after I’d rolled the damage. I can’t help but feel if I had announced which spell I was using up-front the cool crow-beast would have countered and flown the coop. Was my delayed Disintegrate declaration ok? Or was this tramp-stamped tirade totally trashy?
Baron Trousers
2024-08-19 21:28:21 +0000 UTCEsteemed Justices Axford, Murphy, and Tanner, as well as the other guy, I bring to you the case of the Favored vs Unfavored. I’ve been playing dnd online with this group of friends for about a year or so, and we’re involved with a few campaigns within the group, each dm’ed by a different member. The dm for the case in question, we’ll call him N, has just started a campaign that takes a LOT of inspiration from Game of Thrones. One of the players, who we’ll call K, made a paladin/warlock combo with seemingly maxxed out stats across the board, some being over 20. He is also a level higher than the rest of the party for “story reasons” according to N. K’s character has not one but two warlock patrons “in his head”, and seems extremely overpowered compared to the rest of the party. Meanwhile, my fiance who we’ll call W is playing a cleric/wizard mulitclass in the same campaign (he wanted to play a sorcerer but was told sorcerers didn’t exist in the universe but the dm’s girlfriend is playing one?), and recently cast Find Familiar to gain a tressim (flying cat) familiar. N claimed that W’s character had to attune to his familiar in order to understand him, but then narrated a whole scene where an NPC spoke with it. During a later combat, N overtook control of the familiar, not allowing the wizard to use his own familiar. At the risk of sounding bratty, I can’t help but feel like one player is being extremely favored over the rest of the party, while others are getting left in the dust. Honorable Justices of the Crit, I humbly await your ruling.
Ashley Meyer
2024-08-19 21:26:47 +0000 UTCDear Honorable Crit Justices and Jake Hurwitz, the one whomst bails. I bring you a tale of a haunted house and a even more haunted interparty conflict. In a a session some months ago we found ourselves trying to solve a mystery surrounding a haunted house. We are nearing the manor when our bugbear ranger decides that he wants to sneak off with the treasure that he had collected. He stealths and and I offer to use the guidance cantrip but he insists that the party wouldn't know what he was up to because of his stealth check. As he enters the room we are given the description of a floating wraith in the center of the room. It notices him but does not react. He continues walking through the room to a door on the other side. He tries the door and it enrages the wraith who summons a retinue of ghosts in the room. The bugbear is walled off because of the spirits and the DM reminds our ranger that he wanted to go alone. He acts first and takes two attacks at the wraith and the DM says at this point that we hear a commotion. The ghosts, without other targets, go after the ranger. The ranger's turn comes back around and he asks to persuade the wraith but it simply shrieks. He asks the DM for a persuasion check but the DM tells him that the spirit does not seem to be communicating. Our ranger accuses the DM of targeting him, and makes a passive aggressive comment saying that a different DM would give multiple solutions to an encounter. This of course causes an awkward conversation between everyone and the ranger where we try to explain that we were sent to clear out the manor and that he chose to go off on his own. Eventually he decided to recuse himself from the campaign because he felt he wasn't given a fair chance to explore his options. I ask the court, was our ranger treated unfairly by the DM and the encounter or was his dance with the wraith brought upon by his own recklessness? I await the Court's ruling on this matter.
Sean Littell
2024-08-19 21:25:36 +0000 UTCHow do you do gracious Justices and the woopsie bailiff jum, I present the case of the sacrificial knife switch-up. I played in a cyberpunk dnd game where i played a Firbolg druid bartender who was very behind the times. the party also included a techno fairy druid, an artificer cyborg, and a human rouge. The main plot involved a blood demon curse being spread through the city and the party trying to stop it, my character being infected. At one point the human rouge received a blade from a god who described it vaguely but it was a knife that could save someone's life by giving up your own. After the final battle against the BBeG my firbolg was succumbing to the curse and was dying. The idea from my dm i think was for this morally grey criminal rouge to make an ultimate sacrifice for good but instead, not knowing how it works, the rouge stabbed my character effectively sending him and his soul to hell while the rouge ascended that moment. I was laughing my ass off at the time thinking it funny that my guy got baseball thrown to satan but what do you think? Should my DM have given this item to the broody rouge or does this soul sacrifice switch-up solidly stand?
Dingus
2024-08-19 21:15:54 +0000 UTCTo the most archangelic Supreme Crit justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, and the ungodly little sinner bailiff Jon Odenkirk-Cakewitz, I bring you the case of “The Smitten Paladin.” While playing in a one-shot with some good buds of mine, a very sticky and intense situation occurred during the final battle with the big bad guy. My “friend” James, who was playing as a warforged Paladin named Junkbot, got charmed by an Incubus and immediately turned towards my PC, then asked the Incubus much too eagerly, “Shall I Divinely Smite him, Master?” After hitting my character twice, Junkbot used his highest level spell slots to Divine Smite me on both attacks, after which my PC dropped unconscious. Our party then TPK’ed immediately afterwards. Justices, I beseech thine most discerning deliberation. Was this Incubus-smitten Paladin well within his right to savagely smite my guy or should they have toned it down a notch? I await your most shrewd and sangfroid of sentences. P.S. - To my ‘friend’ James, “Fuck you, I love you, eat a rat.”
Doctor Ransom
2024-08-19 21:12:20 +0000 UTCAhoy gallant justices and their cabin boy Jack. I run a seafaring campaign where by crew is crashed in Cursed Cove. A brooding, posturing tabaxi NPC I intended as a swashbuckling rival that would eventually become a big bad…has become an obsession of my players. They’ve rolled many persuasion checks and found clever loopholes and deceptions to ensure they can always meet this npc halfway. One player wants Urumi (named after an Indian ribbon sword) to train them as a battlemaster. Do I stay the course or clubhaul and let Urumi Montoya change her fate?
Fandom Encounters
2024-08-19 21:10:11 +0000 UTCEsteemed Crit Justices, I write to you with the case of the graphic session 0 TPK. In a recent DND campaign, our first time DM created a session 0 to explore the homebrewed complex futuristic totalitarian government setting of our campaign. They emphasized it was important to create fleshed out characters and worked with us for several weeks to create detailed characters. All was well in the session until we entered a dungeon battle where the DM describe nearly all of our level 1 characters being gruesomely killed, beheaded and eaten on the first hit by a level 15 giant insects from a homebrew monster guide. The party was collectively shocked and upset about our characters sudden and graphic deaths. When I asked the DM if there was any way for us to have survived the battle, they replied no, that they designed the encounter to kill us instantaneously to anger and motivate the players against the totalitarian government. When I asked the DM if we could play out actual campaign as character seeking vengeance for our session 0 character deaths, the DM said no, as our deaths were insignificant and likely wouldn’t be known by any outside parties and would not be addressed in the main campaign. I ask you, humble crit justices, was my DM justified in creating a session 0 TPK to motivate us against the enemy of the campaign, even though our character deaths were largely meaningless? I throw myself at the mercy of the court and await your judgement.
LyingConfection
2024-08-19 21:05:25 +0000 UTCGreetings to the improbably attractive justices of the court and their shlubby Bailiff, I present to you the case of the haunted chilly armor. In a recent mini-campaign, I played an Armorer Artificer, reflavored as a ghost possessing a suit of armor. During the final fight of the campaign, a Chill Metal spell (Heat Metal that did cold damage) was cast on me. I argued that since I didn't have a body in contact with the metal, I shouldn't take any damage. The DM allowed me to roll a con saving throw and I avoided taking any damage. In hindsight, I feel bad for asking because I had 27 AC and hadn't taken any damage yet over the entire adventure. Was I asking a prudent question or just being a big metal baby about it? I await your wise judgment with a spirit of both fear and awe.
Devin Awe
2024-08-19 20:53:36 +0000 UTCHonored Judges, and also Honored Bailiff, I present the case of the Sorcerer in a Low Magic Setting. I joined a Lord of the Rings game which meets once a month. It's the 5e version of Free League's The One Ring ttrpg, which is a fantastic system that does a wonderful job capturing the flavor of Tolkein's work. The other player and I are used character options which are derived from Tolkien--Hobbit and Dwarf. A third player joined, and brought a character she has played in one shots before. It's a warforged sorcerer rogue, and a very fun character build for the Forgotten Realms. But it's a terrible fit for LOTR. The low magic setting is a big part of the appeal. Bardic Inspiration should be about the limit of the magic being thrown around, at least according to the spirit of the system and the world. This is a game which only meets once a month as part of a larger gaming meetup, and this new player joined just one session after I joined. It is a very new campaign anyway, no one is a year deep into these characters! But the DM so clearly loves the world. He's too kind to tell this new player "no, you can't play a sorcerer" and he crafted a neat backstory for her as an ancient Dwarven construct. How would you have handled this situation? The campaign is quite new, and this player isn't as familiar with Tolkien's works as the DM and the other players, who are big weird Silmarillion needs
Lilyannifer
2024-08-19 20:51:42 +0000 UTCTo the Honourable Justices and my mouthpiece, I present to you the case of the underpowered sword. I play in a Wild Beyond the Witchlight campaign and one of the players is a Harengon (rabbitfolk) monk named Nil. At one stage early in the campaign (approximately level 5) we confront Nil's sister, who along with her boss are running an evil organisation for a hag. We swiftly deal with the boss, and eventually manage to knock out the sister, who drops her ice katana. Nil takes this katana vowing to use it for good instead of evil. Nil's player was pumped by this as this went great with the ninja persona he was going for. That all changed, however, when my DM gave him the item description. Despite having a huge AOE 6d6 slash, the weapon did not have a +1 modifier. The player complained that surely such a cool sword would be at least a +1, and now it felt like the sword would be worthless very soon. Note that this is coming from a player who was full on attunements slots, while my fairy didn't have a single attunement item. This complaining continued on and off for several months, saying he was falling well behind our Barbarian and Paladin in terms of damage. Only after my DM showed him that he was tied first in damage with the Barbarian (we play on Foundry so damage is tracked for us) has he quietened down. So I ask you, was Nil slighted by having his sister's cool sword not also have a flat modifier, or should the ninja rabbit chill out?
Brandon Hinds
2024-08-19 20:51:20 +0000 UTCTo the Great and Powerful High Justices and the Magnanimous, Glorious, All-Knowing, Charming, and not to mention well endowed Bailiff- Tucker! I present you the case of DM versus Kazoor. Kazoor is a Aarakocra Bard within my homebrew campaign called Crystal Fates where a drow enchantress caused the players to get lost in a world on the brink of collapse during the drow/spider apocolypse. The case is here, throughout the campaign Kazoor was caught being distracted by things such as Pokémon, and other games. Which I promptly got his attention every time but it was annoying. Additionally, he would not use his bardic inspiration, nor keep track of spell slots (I kind of ignored it because it allowed the party to survive a few miscalculated encounters). It comes to a head at the harpy infested cliffside where after multiple failed sneak checks, the party is surrounded by harpies including the big bad mama harpy. Kazoor rolls an unprovoked nat 20 and said he seduces the harpies! In response I say, “What do you say?” -He says, “What? I rolled a nat 20?”, I say, “Yes, what do you say to the harpies to seduce them?” This goes on for abit but he eventually folds and gives, to his credit, the best damned speech I’ve ever heard. Mostly taking his fellow party members to the razz-berry patch. He later told me he was annoyed by having to do this since he rolled a nat 20, was I wrong to force a speech from him with threat of disadvantage or should the non-inspiring bard accept his fate and fluff his feathers in inspirational song and speeches? I lay my head awaiting the swift and violent smashing of Justice Kaldwell’s tiny hammer. P.S. Kazoor is a great friend, basically a brother, so no, I can’t find new friends Justice Murph!
Ryan Amaya
2024-08-19 20:50:04 +0000 UTCGreetings my lowly judges and my esteemed Baliff Jock, I bring to you the case of the taken inspiration. I play in an online campaign that I join about a year ago. We were running a greek themed campaign which is irrelevant. We have a house rule that if you have inspiration you can use it in place of a nat 20 on death saves. We also have different ways of.earning inspiration. One session the DM had commented on their music bot and I responded that I had my own music going. This upset the DM and he took one of my 3 inspirations. A couple sessions later another player commented that they were jamming out to some oldies rock and the DM voiced he was upset but did nothing beyond that. My character never died since we ended that campaign early but this still bugs me today. Was the DM right to take an inspiration for simply having my own taste in music (which comes with my ADHD on top of it which he is aware of) or should i be doomed to listen to generic battle and adventure music? Or should I be free to listen to what I want? I was playing a bard and using my Spotify to parody songs for spells
Lorelei The Succubi and Kyra The succulent snack
2024-08-19 20:45:16 +0000 UTCDearest prestigious and all-knowing justices and beautiful baby boy baliff who knows nothing I bring you the case of Gerry- The Goodhearted Goblin. In our first game, played online, our group of adventures were making their way to the local town when we stumbled across several goblins attacking a local merchant. Obviously we had to intervene and quickly came to the merchants aid. After a quick battle the goblins were defeated and in an act of mercy the party let them go on the condition that they did not attack anymore innocent townfolk. A session later our group settled down to take a very much needed long rest when who should our scout spot attacking us- but those same Goblins! Frustrated, tired and lacking spell slots our party engaged these ghastly gremlins looking for a quick and swift victory. This seemed eminent as our barbarian cut off the arm of the lead gobbo who then revealed (as she hoovered above him with her axe) that he apparently sponsored an orphanage and by removing him from existence we would, in fact, be damning many innocent children to a truly terrible fate. Please bear in mind justices that we had been bantering with this masquerading martyr for over an hour and there had been no inkling of a more complex character before the axe began to swing. Despite a back and forth about why this hadn't been mentioned pre- arm severance, the DM stuck to his guns that this was in fact entirely true and continues to remind us of this "immoral" act and the many MANY children we left without a benefactor. I ask you justices why would this goblin keep this crucial characteristic to only the moments before his death? Is it believable for such a good hearted soul to repeatedly attack townfolk? And were we in the wrong for tying this supposed saint up and leaving him on the side of the road overnight? Please free us from the constant torment of this moral quandary and give us the ammunition to tell our DM to stick it.
Lottie
2024-08-19 20:39:30 +0000 UTCHonourable Justices and the Bailiff. I DM for my crew, a few of us close friends. Last week during our session our Ranger ran into battle head first in a fight against a Basilisk. He promptly went silent as his character succumbed to petrification. (Oppa Caldwell Style) His team added insult to injury telling him he’s no barbarian, stay out of the way and let the big boys hack and slash. I allowed them to make a nature check for Basilisk’s (as one is flavoured as a monster hunter paladin) to obtain a cure found in Basilisks liver. Which they obtained and freed their comrade from petrification. The player was brooding for the rest of the game. AND QUIT! After separating from the party later in the dungeon and getting trapped by a gelatinous cube. I even let him generously roll out of it but he lost his bracers of wielding (gives him +2 to melee damage) Should I have been lighter on him, considering he was already upset. Or is this on him? Thank you… i love you… eat a rat.
Doug
2024-08-19 20:35:40 +0000 UTCDear Esteemed Judges and that handsome balif that likes cake (I can't remember his name), I bring to you the case of BEEP BOOP, the Bullied Robot. My group of close friends were playing a level 10 joke campaign, called the DMs campaign (because players would switch out of being the dm each arc/session) I decided to play a new character for the upcoming session, A warforged by the name of Bunker. The way they introduced my character was this: the current DM narrated as one of our players (My boyfriend) walked into a shop for robots, and purchased me as a bodyguard. When they booted me up, I gave a short speal about myself and gave them my name. That's when the party decided I was too complex of a character, and to my dismay, decided to reprogram them. My boyfriend's character was an artificer, so the DM decided to let him roll for it. Nat 20. From then on, my character was named "beep boop". I was essentially reduced to an NPC, and spent the rest of the session getting bullied by the party and told what to do. I was extremely upset, but decided to stick through the session. Now with context, I would like to press charges against my boyfriend and also the DM who let it happen, for ruining a great character I had been excited to play for weeks. Thank you. P.S. My boyfriend apologized the night of, and we have laughed about it since.
Caden Rigby
2024-08-19 20:27:51 +0000 UTCTo the honorable judges and jim. I run a campaigne for my three kids and my wife. James the youngest of my kids plays a ranger with a wolf pup animal companion. He loves all animal and anytime we encounter anything that is not a person he has to try and make it his pet. This has lead to some cool combats with drakes and giant rats and the like being turned into endless checks to try and tame every animal they encounter. If anyone else attacks his new found pet he is put to tears. Is it wrong for me to not want my kids to have an army of animals or is this just how playing with kids is supposed to go. I humbly bring this to you for judgement.
samsamson4444
2024-08-19 20:22:19 +0000 UTCDear honorable justices Axford, Murphy and Tanner, and lil cutie, Jark. Last night we were finally playing our main campaign, after having to play a few weeks of one shots due to schedule conflicts. This is our “serious one” where we all worked hard on our backstories. I agreed to be the in game sibling of another player, we came up with a cool dramatic backstory. However I feel he’s lost interest and isn’t taking it seriously anymore leaving me trapped in game with a backstory we haven’t even begun to unpack. Last night we were sneaking into a frost giant temple, our coworker (irl) and monk was sent ahead to scout. He held up his fingers showing“8” as in there’s 8 people up here. I tried to relay this to the party. The paladin accused me of metagaming. Claiming there’s no way I’d know what he meant, and maybe he needs 8 drinks because he’s an alcoholic tortle monk. The dm sides with the paladin and makes him roll a performance check to convey this simple message. It was a ten. Whatever. Later when I cast slow on a monster the dm took off the little slow condition ring after only a round. I protested, I asked if it passed its save, because I hadn’t lost concentration and it should last ten rounds and it was one of my only 3rd level spells. I was accused again of metagaming. By the paladin. Betrayal!! Am I metagaming? Is my fake brother being a dick? am I trying too hard? I await your judgment/ punishment eagerly
Kerri
2024-08-19 20:21:38 +0000 UTCThe the prestigious and divine judges and the wretched little bailiff, I present the case of the forgotten silence. I was playing a wizard/druid in a game and the DM ended a session with a combat set up: we were in a theatre, the enemies had cast darkness and silence to fill the theatre, which rendered my character in particular, completely useless. I spent the time between sessions searching for anything I could do that did require verbal components or line of sight, and eventually came up with a creative use of wildshape, which at least allowed me to do something. All good fun. The issue lies within the combat. When it arrived, I did my thing, change the battle slightly, but the spells were still up, and when it comes to the warlock's turn, she cast a spell with verbal components. The DM says nothing, so I mention that the Silence spell is still up. No worries, the warlock changes spell. The next round, the silence spell is still up, and once again the warlock casts a spell with a verbal component. I didn't say anything the second time, nor did the DM. Your honours, while I engaged in the filthy act of "did you forget the homework", I can't help but feel like someone has been wronged here. Was my preparation all for nought? Or should I simply forget this ever happened?
Jay V
2024-08-19 20:17:40 +0000 UTCTo the Most Honorable Justices and winner of best full time Dungeon Court bailiff (the bar to win is oh so low it's barely an award)bailiff Jake, I present the case of the Tabaxi Rogue who knew too much. This case takes place years ago, when we were playing 4th ed. The players were me, 3 of my best friends, the DM's brother, and the DM's girlfriend, who played the rogue in question. We were in a hybrid puzzle/combat encounter, where we were in a mirror facing mirror versions of ourselves. After a few minutes of trying to figure out the trick, the rogue declared they were going to cut their hand off. Me and a couple of other players, in character, said we should talk about it before we took extreme measures. She did it anyway and was awarded with the Hand of Veccna. She seemed upset the rest of the session. It definitely had the feel that the DM had informed his gf of how to beat the puzzle beforehand. The next day the DM informed me that the six players was too much to handle and wanted to cut my three best friends out and said I could still play with them if I wanted. I declined saying that I would DM for the 3 that were cut. I might have believed the reason for the cut if another friend told me that him and two other had joined the og DM bringing the player count back to 6. A similar thing happened a couple months later with that group. Where my friends and I wrong to have our characters want to talk about what in the moment seemed like a very extreme move?
Philip Messerschmidt
2024-08-19 20:16:17 +0000 UTCTo the mediocre judges and the bailiff I'm currently blackmailing. I present the case of Olympic gards. My brother runs a campaign for me and my dad. where the first arc took place in a clock work city. I play a stealthy ranger and my dad plays a rogue. We had just been framed for a military leader's murder and we were on the run. We were trying to take some gard's clothes to sneak into a nobles estate. So we found a troop of four gards. Thinking we could overpower them decided that we would run and use ranged weapons. Then lead them back to a building to hide. So you can imagine my surprise when I was placed within 10 feet of the gards. When combat began I was instantly grappled by one of the gards. For the next three rounds he had the gards stab me as I failed to get out of his grapple and my dad ran away. I was forced to surrender. After the session my brother reviled that these gards were cr 3 each and had 16 str while we were level one. In his defense he said that the entrance was wasn't defended in the chaos in an attempt to get us to leave but we both missed that. So, judges should I surrender to my brother's gards or should I minmax the most powerful ranger this world has ever seen.
Maximus Awesomeness
2024-08-19 20:12:56 +0000 UTCTo the most holy and humble servants of dice christ, I come to you with a confession that I hope is within your jurisdiction to forgive (it involves D&D but not dice) so that I may relieve myself of the burden of this guilt. I’ve been playing with a group of friends from high school for a few years. Within this time, I have developed a reputation as The Riddle Solver of the party, as someone who loves word play and reads lots of fantasy novels. The incident in question took place in a dungeon room, where an annoying little robot (think Keychain) made us answer ten progressively harder riddles. The last riddle truly had all of us stumped. We were playing online, so in a moment of weakness I googled the riddle and found an answer that didn’t really make any sense. In the middle of our brainstorm over discord, I said something along the lines of “Could it be like… I dunno… an [insert correct answer here] or something? No, that doesn’t really make sense,” just to protect my reputation as The Riddle Solver when the correct answer was revealed at the end. In my mind, since I immediately rescinded the suggestion, it wasn’t cheating. But then, one of my party members said: “Fuck it, that sounds good enough to me,” and we finalized my googled answer. We made it past bootleg keychain, but our DM said that he put the riddle list together too quickly to realize how stupid the last riddle was, and probably would have let us through anyways if we didn’t solve it. Oh mighty high priests of dice christ, can you forgive me for succumbing to the desire to uphold my riddle girl brand? Or shall this guilt plague me with every subsequent riddle we encounter? I leave myself at the mercy of the church.
sofia
2024-08-19 20:12:26 +0000 UTCDear esteemed justices and chunky jiff, I bring to you the case of the unexpected PVP. I have been in a campaign for the last year that meets as regularly as we can, and in a session shortly before our break for the summer the party's druid endured a severe trauma which caused him to change form. The DM and player had talked about the character's relationship with wildshape and using it as an emotional response, and the table generally knew emotional wildshape was a possibility. However, this change was different... the DM began to describe a thundering sound coming from the character and his bones starting to break as he grew to touch the ceiling. It turns out this transformation was not wildshape but instead a complete psychic and physical transformation into a wearbear. All the PCs started to express concern, as we had just finished a major combat and depleted most of our resources, and the DM smiled wide and said "here's your new stat block!" as he handed the monster manual to the druid. What ensued was anticlimactic PVP where the druid was forced to try to fight against us with the player piloting the monster with its stats while we repeatedly threw hold persons until it worked. The change was unexpected and literally changed all of the stats of the PC for this combat without the player's knowledge or consent. As a DM myself, this choice rubs me the wrong way and I wonder if such a strong story/character beat without consulting the player is just. Justices, am I being a massive grinch or is the DM in the wrong for creating PVP by temporarily altering a PC's form and permanently altering their character? I humbly await your judgement.
dicejelly
2024-08-19 20:04:59 +0000 UTCPS I had considered making one of the rats turn on the others (as is tradition) but that seemed too easy an out.
John Canter
2024-08-19 20:04:57 +0000 UTCto the Honorable Supreme Justices Axford, Murphy, Tanner, and the Baloney Boy Bailiff Jake i come to you with the Case of the Instakill Gun. may it please the court, this happened my junior year of highschool, with my first DM ever. we were facing off against a much higher level Pirate Lord villain, and the DM dramatically reveals his signature weapon: a magic blunderbuss. The issue? Instakill. no save, your character was just dead. a fun intimidation factor, but when it came time for the pirate lord to attack, the DM pointed to each of us, numbered us off 1-6, and rolled a d6 before declaring our cleric dead. my query is this: justices, should he have rolled this D6 in front of the table? it is also of note that the person playing the cleric was a recent Ex of the DM. i feel this decision may have been influenced by scorn, but i humbly await your judgement. (my name is anna, she / her! PS, you are all amazing and my boyfriend and i love your show!)
Dillan Bradbury
2024-08-19 20:03:12 +0000 UTCTo the mellifluous supreme crit justices and the grating bailiff Jjkae, I have a case that rides the line between church and court. I just finished DMing a campaign for my wife and my med school friends that lasted about 3 years. I wanted the BBEG fight to have some unique mechanics, so I home brewed a legendary action for this ancient demon called Distort the Divine, which causes the “Distorted” condition on a failed save. The next time a distorted creature tries to heal a creature, the distortion effect deals necrotic damage instead of healing. The condition then ends after that turn so healing can work normally again. I used it on my party’s cleric (who is also my wife) and told her she was radiating necrotic energy but didn’t specifically tell her what the condition did. I used it right after downing another party member, thinking she would cast healing word. This would then cause an instant death saving fail, adding some stakes to this final battle. Here’s the wrinkle: she didn’t cast healing word. She cast mass heal, which meant that she now had 700 HP of “healing” to deal out that would absolutely TPK the party. In a Murphbot-esque moment, I sweatily said that her deity intervened to reduce the damage to 200, but it really felt like that took the stakes away, and at least a few players seemed kinda bummed at how the whole thing went down. So I humbly ask, did I do the right thing? Or should I be punished for manipulating the stakes of an important encounter? I accept your wise judgment/forgiveness.
Shan Guleria
2024-08-19 20:03:05 +0000 UTCTo Honorable (and dare I say sexy) Crit Justices, and the guy who reads these cases, Jape. I run a 5e campaign in a home brewed setting. My players have been super involved and honestly more creative than I thought they would be. They are currently joining several armies on the march to siege a city, that will lead to a fight with the BBEG. The group understands that the siege and subsequent fight would put innocent people at risk, and have devised a plan to evacuate the city. The problem is that they’ve chosen to use 12 rats (dubbed disciples of Rat Jesus), fully armored with custom rat armor (I know Murph, I shouldn’t have said yes) to evacuate the city. The idea would be to get the rats to go in through the sewers and start herding people to the gates, away from the center of the city. I hate these rats. I’ve tried everything to get the group to abandon this plan. I had the god of medicine institute a “cleanliness is next to holiness” campaign in the city to try and cut down the amount of rats in the city. They know this but still want to use the rats. They even named them. Would I be wrong to let the rats achieve their goal but then kill them off? (I want to have the players roll to see how many rats survive). I don’t want my players to feel like I let them waste time and resources on training the rats, but also I hate the rats. Thank you for your considerations
John Canter
2024-08-19 20:00:18 +0000 UTCTo the honorable justices and the tolerable baliff, I ask you to impart your ruling on the most heinous of crimes- a murder. I'll keep it brief- a few sessions ago, I was playing in a session where my crew and I were trying to save my character's mother from a soul stealer. A friend of mine, playing an aberrant mind sorcerer named Brain, was feeling frustrated that his character's psychic abilities were not useful in a fight against something against with no mind. As such, on his next turn, he said he was going to use his powers on someone they would actually work on, and cast suggestion on my character's NPC mom (who, at this moment was having a panic attack in the corner of the room AND had commoner stats, which was known by the team). He told her "to be useful and join the fight". She didn't meet the save, and our DM rolled her initiative. She, unfortunately, had the next turn, and tried to unarm attack the monster. She, no surprise, missed. The monster's turn was next and we had to watch in horror as it insta killed her with one attack. To make matters worse, it also trapped her soul. This happened months ago and our party still has arguments about who is to blame for my character's mother's untimely murder. Most of the party believe that Brain killed her via suggestion, but he continues to argue that the monster is truly the one at fault since he ended up landing the killing blow. So, judges, I ask you to rule on the following- who bears the guilt for this crime? The monster that laid the killing blow, or the caster that forced an innocent NPC into a battle that she was clearly not meant to be in?
ann_the_mann
2024-08-19 19:52:43 +0000 UTCHello honorable justices and the sometimes honorable bailiff, George. I present to you the case of the flaming head. I play a haregon monk in a drow campaign. I have chosen the "Way of the Four Elements" for my monastic tradition. In this tradition you have "Elemental Attunement". This means as an action I can manipulate the elements around me, including earth, fire, water and air. We approach a fast-flowing river with some dark minions and 2 Drow elves attacking us from the other side. I was able to stealth from the enemies and jump across the river without being seen. However, my companions, a Sprite druid and Tortle cleric, did not roll so well on their stealth. This left me, a lowly level 3 monk to hand-to-hand combat the enemies...or did it? On my next turn, I read my DM the rules for elemental attunement and asked if I could form a 1-foot cube of fire on the head of the Drow leader, causing him to take fire damage. This spell also lasts for 1 minute, or 10 turns of combat. My DM, being amazing and laughing at my shenanigans, says "ok, sure." We did have a debate on how much damage the fire would cause and settled on the only fire damage we could easily find via the interwebs, 2d6+2. I personally felt this was a lot, but don't question the DM! So this Drow proceeded to have his head caught on fire, taking 2d6+2 damage every turn until he died about 4 turns later, all while not knowing who attacked him. But wait, there's more! This is not a spell, does not cost Ki points, and does not require concentration. There is no rule stating it can only be used once. So I proceeded to catch half the battlefield on fire, burning them to death while silently lurking in the shadows. I'm a reasonable person. I understand this is a very OP ability. I ask, should I continue doing this? My DM is looking into it more and trying to figure out if I can use this ability to damage enemies since it did make for a hilarious and fun battle. If I can use this as an attack, what damage should be inflicted? I humbly await your judgement.
Trainer Erin
2024-08-19 19:52:07 +0000 UTCTo the Wise Justices and Jon Stewart, I present the case of the Pizza Monk: I am the DM for my friend group and one of my friends recently asked about doing a Game of Thrones-style campaign since he had been feeling inspired from watching House of the Dragon. We described his character, an exiled prince, and the dark complex world he was a part of. When brining this up with another friend, that friend said it sounded very cool, and then reminded me that a while back we had already discussed that whatever the next campaign was going to be, he wanted to play the Pizza Monk (inspired by the obscure Instagram page of Luigi Primo, a Party World Rasslin' pizza wrestler). He admitted this character ruined the serious tone of the campaign, but I said it was ok and found a way to fit him and his origin in the world. My quandary now comes as a new person will be joining our group as we start this campaign and whether I should tell them about the Pizza Monk. If I don't, I only present them with the more serious aspects of the world for them to pick a character, and hope they don't mind this goofy dough tossing wrestler. Or I tell them about it, and run the risk of them also wanting to create a silly character concept. I humbly beseech the courts guidance in this manner
ittai baum
2024-08-19 19:51:47 +0000 UTCTo the honorable Supreme Crit justices and Dungeon Bailiff Ron, I bring to you the case of the centipede that “doesn’t take opportunity attacks”. I was playing a level 2 variant human paladin with the shield master feat, allowing me to bonus action shove enemies when I take the attack action. We were a party of three, with myself and the cleric being relatively tanky protecting our squishy warlock. We play with a full battle map/grid and the bonus action shoves had allowed our party to, dare I say, whomp our dm with masterful positioning. The encounter in question was against a centipede like thing that was only one size larger than me, allowing me to shove it off our warlock who quickly scampered away. The stakes were all but gone, but the DM had it go for one last stab at the warlock. When I asked about an opportunity attack, he said this had an ability to negate that. We were able to survive and after the session, I asked my dm if it really had that feature and he told me no, he just wanted to take one last stab and knew it was low hp. Justices, I ask you, was it fair for my DM to ignore the rules in order to keep stakes high or was this a case of a power hungry man who was just unwilling to take the small L. For context, we were later TPK-ed in this same session and I don’t fault him at all for that. My only complaint for this night was the one described above.
Joe Howard
2024-08-19 19:49:30 +0000 UTCDear Esteemed Judges and Honorable Bailiff, I would like to share with you a rather amusing incident from our recent Dungeons & Dragons campaign and seek your wisdom on the matter. Our DM, who is known for his exceptional spatial awareness, recently guided us through a thrilling adventure that involved chasing dragon cultists near the city of Waterdeep. During this pursuit, our DM informed us that the chase around Waterdeep lasted three days due to the city's immense size. Naturally, we were surprised and inquired further, to which he explained that Waterdeep was as large as the entire country of the Netherlands. This description quickly became a source of light-hearted teasing within our group. Every time we had to travel through Waterdeep, we would jokingly remind the DM of its vastness, resulting in travel times that stretched over entire days. Eventually, the DM, perhaps in response to our ongoing jokes, introduced "metro rings" that allowed us to traverse the city quickly and even teleport to different locations. In hindsight, we wonder if our teasing may have gone too far. Did we inadvertently undermine our DM’s authority or creativity? Your advice on how to maintain the right balance of fun and respect in our campaign would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Maurizio /. Mizuki the Loxodon Samurai Gloomstalker
Maurizio Patuto
2024-08-19 19:49:19 +0000 UTCTo the Honorable Crit Justices and the bashful yet beloved bailiff, I present the case of the smitten DM. I was playing in a campaign in grad school, as a way to ease the stress of studying and spend time with friends. Things were going great until our DM started dating one of the PCs. Suddenly every encounter was easier for the PC- enemies that should have been tough were felled too easily by a low-level spell, and any of their whims were granted, despite protests from the table. When we asked if he was purposefully making it easier for his new partner, the DM insisted he wasn’t, but the adventure noticeably shifted towards what only one PC wanted to do, including pulling a trick on the main big bad wizard that would undoubtedly have been a TPK if it had not been for the newfound plot armor of love. The game slowed to a halt and many storylines were dropped entirely to focus on the partners backstory arc, and several PCs decided to leave the game after weeks of trying to continue playing, myself included. Justices, should we have allowed the DM to change the nature of the game and grant his partner random boons in the name of love, or were we justified in choosing to leave the game behind when the shift occurred?
Sydney Hobson
2024-08-19 19:46:00 +0000 UTCTo The Justices Most High, and the bailiff who’s not the most low. I give you the case of the mysterious backstory. I began DM-ing a campaign with my wife and 3 other friends, all of us first timers except for one of the players. While I was getting everyone ready and prepping the story I gave everyone question prompts to aid in making their backstory. When it came time to collect on them everyone separately gave me their fun version of their character origin, except the experienced player. I asked them why and they said because they didn’t want to give it to me, they wanted it to be a surprise and mystery. I explained that’s fine, I won’t tell the other players, but unless I know I can’t incorporate them into the story well. They still refused. I thought I’d be clever and make the big bad of the first session make vague statements alluding to the fact they may know the experienced players character, thinking it would be a way to force the character into divulging some of their backstory through improv. WRONG! The party immediately assumed they were a traitor and turned on the player. I’m happy to say no one was killed and since then through some in game trust exercises the party now trusts this player, but was I wrong in putting this player on the spot or should they have complied with what their DM was requesting?
SmoothTurtle
2024-08-19 19:45:36 +0000 UTCThe court should feel it appropriate to ignore my testimony should it affect the length of the case in a negative manner.
Stephanie Lane
2024-08-19 19:43:44 +0000 UTCTo the kind and benevolent justices and that guy they hang out with, I come to d&d by way of improv. My two favorite things to say while dming are "hell yeah you can!" and "why not?" I love to yes-and and tailor my stories to bits and goofs my players come up with. However, as you all know, just because you're lenient and fun does not mean you have no boundaries. Enter the shah halud scream from Dune (2021). We play over discord, and one of my players uploaded this to our soundboard. Judges, it is LOUD. It is LONG. And it is EASILY SPAMMABLE. So, before session 3 of this game, I disabled the soundboard. My players noticed and immediately started cajoling me for soundboard permissions back. I relented, but with one caveat: you can use the soundboard once, and then you're banned. I was razzed for this rule, but stood my ground. Immediately after getting permissions back, our gunslinger (Charles) pressed the shah halud scream. I told him I was writing down he had used his one, and if he used it again he would get banned. Well, an hour later, in the middle of combat, Charles hit the sad trombone button. I kicked him from the server, described his character vanishing in a puff of smoke, and continued combat. Judges, my players are split on whether I am a fair and just god or a cruel and unforgiving monster. I maintain I was clear about my boundaries (and even relented to allow him back after this arc) but they claim that my original rule was vague and he didn't even do the Dune scream a second time. When I asked Charles about it, he said it was "worth it" and when allowed back, he would "shah halud as soon as [he is] able." I await your ruling with baited breath.
Rae Weiss
2024-08-19 19:42:05 +0000 UTCAs the aforementioned DM, I would like to offer the following testimony: We have been playing for just over a year (this is my first campaign as a DM and I’ve been playing for about 18 months overall). Out of the 7 players, 4 are brand new to DnD. I sat with the players at session 0, the other established players have helped, I recommended reading the PHB but I don’t know if anyone actually did. When I saw they were still struggling I sent videos that would take less time than reading would have. Each session I coached people to try to help them. I created personalized laminated cheat sheets that PCs could put their quick reference stats and spell slots etc. on. I did a session with a Rocky style training montage for each character to review what were becoming oft-forgotten class traits (metamagic for the sorceror, cunning action for the rogue, cutting words for the bard etc.). Over the summer, the plaintiff held hour long workshops individually with the new players to help them with their character sheets and understanding their abilities. And the plaintiff helped them all update their character sheets to try to make them easier for the players to use. During the cabin weekend where the False Hydra came into play the sorcerer also refused to use any spells during a smaller encounter and would only use cantrips that then kept missing, leaving a brand new player who was guest appearing for the weekend (the two were separated from the group due to trap shenanigans) to essentially handle the entire encounter on their own. This was prior to the boss bottle the plaintiff mentioned. The defendant also spends much of the sessions on their phone and not paying attention. I approached the defendant after the end of the last arc to see if they were enjoying themselves and if they wanted to continue playing with the group, and they said that they were and that they did. At this point I feel like I’m constantly pulling teeth. Respectfully, Not a Dentist DM
Stephanie Lane
2024-08-19 19:40:55 +0000 UTCDear lords and ladies of the crit and Jark - I bring to you a humble case of my friends and myself V a DM we met on Reddit… You see, 2/5 of the PCs, including me, have played dnd for a while now. This was our chance to get 3 others in the swing and I was burnt out from DMing so we found someone who seemed SUPER cool online. He sent us all his game info, homebrew, and world lore. It was amazing. We had a super fun session zero where we already took down a cult… cut to the following months, he was purely BY. THE. BOOK. Some sessions, no exaggeration, he would talk lore to us (not with us) for two hours. When we asked to be more interactive he said this is what we signed up for. Cut to the next session and my rogue was tracking someone at their apartment. The rest of the party was outside. He made me roll to pick 15 locks for different apartments and then sneak through each one to find the correct apartment. I asked to look at the mailboxes… “they were all scratched out.” One of my friends took a nap on the zoom call. After the session, I said “ sorry I don’t think this is for me” and left the GC. My friends followed suit after… So I humbly ask you, and un-humbly don’t ask Jark, should I have been more by-the-book accepting or expected a little bit of lax from this online rando? - Shawn (he/him) PS met you in Boston and you’re all the best <3
Shawn Essafi
2024-08-19 19:40:50 +0000 UTCTo the luscious Crit Justices and the somewhat literate Jork, I wish to present the case of the march with out rests and surpise XP system. A few years ago I was invited by someone I was seeing at the time to drop into the campaign their friend had been DM-ing for a while. Having played weekly since 5e came out I feel like I have a pretty solid grasp on the rules, I felt confident in my ability to spin up a character pretty quick, so I asked the DM if there was anything I should know while make a character and they said “nah, just stick to the PHB and Tasha’s and you’ll be good”. Fast forward to the session, I’ve made a simple Hexblade assuming it would mesh well with pretty much any party composition. We’re ambushed on the road pretty quickly and I blow my two whole spell slots assuming I’d have a chance to take a short rest before our next combat. This is when I learn that if we want to complete a full day of travel on their hex map, I will not be allowed to take a short rest. I suggested that we would at least need to take time off to eat and drink. But no, either you moved one hex for the day or you were able to short rest. I was new to the game and wanted to make a good impression, so I just shrugged and fought the next combat in the corner hucking eldritch blasts from afar. I was a bit put off but the rest of the session went well enough, until the XP was being distributed. I’ve always been a milestone guy, but hey, some people like spreadsheets I guess. But no, it’s worse than that. I’m told that in order to get your XP you must tell the DM how your character grew from the events of the session. Not only that but because I was new I would go first. I panicked and made up something lame about strategy during the second fight and was only awarded partial xp in part because of my “spell management”. Needless to say, I decided to stick to my home game and let them keep their forced marches and their short essays for xp. So I ask the court, was I being hazed?
The Idiot King
2024-08-19 19:39:58 +0000 UTChumble greetings to everyones favorite worm enjoyers and the early bird who somehow still misses the worms. today i present before you the case of the campaign-spanning cantrip ban. this one might be a little rules crunchy so keep with me here: one of my dear friends, who is notorious for finding all of the little loopholes in spell wording (and who the dm - her boyfriend - never likes to let “win” with her loopholes) was playing a little tiefling rogue/sorcerer who had taken booming blade, the cantrip! she had the metamagic option twin-spell, and figured that she was able to twin-spell cast booming blade to attack 2 different people, and give the effects of booming blade to both of them. she spent the required sorcery points, was within melee of both, i’m pretty sure she was a war caster who didn’t need her hands free to cast, and she was dual wielding either shortswords or daggers. the first time she did it, it was kind of glossed over and our dm let her do it, and then a different day, they paused combat for fully 30 minutes while they had an intense argument about the mechanics of it. i don’t remember how exactly that combat resolved, but i know she was never allowed to twin-spell booming blade whenever she brought it up in subsequent battles, and our dm ended up adding it to his list of “spells banned for campaign two” (the only other one is the ninth level spell wish, by the way).. all that being said: who in the world is right??? is our dm just a certified stinker for banning a simple cantrip?? the majority of the table disagreed with the dm, but there was never really concrete evidence for the combo being allowed, either! please oh please, benevolent judges, help me dunk on whichever one of my friends isn’t honoring the sanctity of dnd’s rules!!
doctor worm
2024-08-19 19:39:10 +0000 UTCHello to the authentic, brilliant, and charming Justices Axford and Tanner, and to the awe-inspiring, brave, and cunning Bailiff Jacob Herwitz. Oh, and that fourth guy, Bradley Munchy, I guess. I present to you, the case of the stolen Nat20 that went forever unnoticed. So, my DnD group, comprised of people from all across the globe, had just begun to play Dragonlance with a brand new DM. I was his first DM, and I was excited to, as Bradley and the prolific Brennan Lee Mulligan once called it, "69" with him. This case stems from a moment when I was sparring with an NPC who viewed my Dragonborn barbarian as his better, but, mechanically he was much stronger than me (To note, I had a +2 in STR, and was level 3, and this character had 2 attacks). During said spar, I was missing most of my attacks when, low and behold, I finally rolled a Nat20! I was elated! I finally got a hit in, and a crit to boot! But then, our party sorcerer cast silvery barbs, and, while I still hit, the sting of losing a Nat20 still stung. But this is not where my issue lies. My issue lies in that, later, when I role played having noticed the sorcerer cast the spell on me, so that losing my Nat20 wouldn't go in vain, and there could be a nice story moment about it later, the DM claimed I hadn't noticed it! I protested, saying that she hadn't casted it secretly, nor did she use subtle spell. The DM then made me retroactively roll to notice the spell be cast on me, and of course I failed, leaving my Nat20 to be absolutely useless, combat- or story-wise. Was I wrong to think my character would have noticed a flash of silvery sparkles, and that it could be a good bonding moment later to reconcile over the slight PvP? Or is my DM correct that the spell was cast discreetly and my barbarian was just a dunce in the heat of combat, leaving the Nat20 wasted? I humbly await your verdict, and if I am found guilty, am ready to accept my punishment.
Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock
2024-08-19 19:38:55 +0000 UTCHello and good evening! The case I present to you saucy Yaunt’s and Yuncle’s is myself vs my first DM and the table. please understand this is not to dunk on my former dm but to simply get closure. I was a new player around 2020 when the pandemic began my DM invited me to play for the first time with some friends we all had known each other for a couple years and since I had nothing better to do I agreed. What happened to me next looking back is insane as a new player he suggested I play a wizard, (cool spells sounds fun) during the next few sessions him and the other players constantly razz me for not knowing the “optimal way” to cast spells such as AOE or ranged spell attacks! All while I am brand new to the game and am limply fumbling with my dice. He would later go on to tell me after sessions how I messed up his plans for the campaign and how he would need to do a lot of rewriting to get us back on track because of choices I made. ( such as accidentally killing an npc that was a secret bad guy) However I still fell in love with this game and am now a dm of my own making. I look back and only find humor in the whole situation thanks again -Charlie. Ps. I hate the show, I’ve never listened.
Charbie
2024-08-19 19:37:42 +0000 UTCMay it please the GLORIOUS Judges who are also the Jury and Executioners, and the very important guy who tells them what to direct their fury at. I offer: "The Case of The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Problem Player." This was my first time trying to run a game, and I was running a modified Ghosts of Saltmarsh. I had 3 players that I am good friends with (Cleric, Monk, and Paladin). The first 3 sessions went very well, until Paladin told me that he had a friend that was interested in joining the group. I said "Why not get another player in here?" and allowed him to play with us. I got in contact and he rolled up a Wood-Elf Druid. Before his first session, he pulls me aside and asks me if he can be introduced to the party by having one of the other PC's urinate unknowingly on him. I said "I can't really make the other players do anything, but I can have the Party's cool Goblin friend named Trent do it, if that's how you REALLY want to do this?" I thought it was extremely weird, especially because this was my first interaction with him IRL. I should've just told him no, though, because he used that introduction as an excuse to absolutely TRAUMATIZE poor Trent. An extended list of his offenses: he would make the rest of the group wait around while he followed important plot points alone, made sure to torture any NPC at any chance, got the party arrested, responded to every in-game problem with violence, and finally he took advantage of my inexperience and cheated in the game (using spells the wrong way, saying that he could wild-shape into creatures that could fly ect.). All of this happened over the course of 2 sessions. It all came to a head when the party were finally out on open water and had accidentally taken a random soldier hostage in their jail escape. While the rest of the party argued on what to do with him, the Druid exclaims: "I cut both of his Achilles Tendons and throw him overboard to watch him drown slowly!" The entire table went silent, before the whole group finally turned on him saying things like "we're not going to let you do that" and "dude, seriously, why would you do that?" He responds with "What, guys? I'm chaotic evil, it's what my character would do!" I ended session there, and told the group that I'm not running that game anymore. Haven't played with any of those guys since. Paladin still sees Druid from time to time, but tells him that the whole group has just given up on DnD. Now for the question, should I have let the scandals of one bad player ruin my willingness to run a game for my whole friend group? I await the judgment awkward silence.
Wyatt W.
2024-08-19 19:36:12 +0000 UTCTo the High Cardinals of Dice Christ and their lowly, lowly, lowly alter boy I bring my confession. Recently I was running a 1 shot that ended up becoming a campaign for my 4 siblings and aunt and uncle. They're all fighters who are tasked with protecting some local towns from demons and devils similarly to the Demon Slayer Anime. They had recently traveled to a farm and we're investigating a recent attack when later that evening another attack happened. Here is were my confession beginnings. During the battle, I rolled a nat 20 at least 8 times in a row. Not wanting to TPK my party of first time players in the first session, I pulled my punches and said they were only 19 on the dice. Everyone had a good time and I did as well but since then I haven't rolled another crit. No matter what dice I roll or how many times I just can't roll a crit. I ask you oh great Cardinals are my sins of not accepting Dice Christs blessings damning me to a eternity of mediocre rolls? Can I even be forgiven? I leave it in your benevolent hands.
Zibidabackery
2024-08-19 19:34:09 +0000 UTCHonorable Justices of the Crit and their lowly ratman bailiff- I bring to you today a case of player vs. DM. I, the DM, will take little efforts to be partial. Sorry. I host a weekly get together at my place with my partner and close friends - I budget and work my ass off to lovingly prepare a large multiple course dinner, storylines, fuckable NPCs, varied encounters, and a fun environment for the people I love and am repaid by having these wild animals screaming at me that I’m a villain and a bastard. It’s the best part of my week. The last year has been a Star Wars 5e campaign, it’s been a blast to run some lost in space/mass effect andromeda style exploration. I love everyone’s characters and dynamic but these absolute buffoons have been ditching every plot line like intergalactic fuckboys. They show up on a planet, cause some well meaning chaos, and roll out before they have to reap any consequences. The second bad vibes hit, they’re using every resource to juke out of conflict and hit the next spot on the horizon, constantly running. Mind you- they love this, every time I ask why they’re not sticking around- they’ll say some absolute horseshit like “seemed scary and it wasn’t our business” I’m relatively fine with this, I try to keep a few throughline NPCs and I take notes of plot lines can pop up again - and they continue to ditch. But a recent razz went too far - a player complained that combat has been too intense - his character went down twice (in an optional fight they volunteered for and then split the party for despite being forewarned it was a deadly encounter) and despite no PCs deaths, he wants “more easy to kill goons” I replied that to fight goons they either needed to 1. engage with the local goons/easy jobs they usually ignore 2. stop running away from the big bads they’ve pissed off who would sicc goons on them. This is part request for justice - (that if you don’t engage with the plot, I legally get to try to murder you) - part DM advice - (I like tough fights - it challenges people to use their resources and be creative, I crave the high stakes! But I get the want for wish fulfillment and feeling powerful as a player - how can I make low stakes combat still interesting?) Final Note: The player I’m submitting against is getting married in October and I’m his best man. But I submit one or both of us to be croissanted to the highest degree. Optional Detail I feel like y’all would like: His fiancé also plays in the game and plays as a combat lingerie wearing robot who’s in love on a psychic fish alien.
B0n3D4ddy
2024-08-19 19:31:32 +0000 UTCTo the honorable judges and the hunky bailiff, I present the case of the wrongfully electrocuted PC. I was playing in my first ever long-standing campaign and was playing a fighter named Pierce. Our party had entered an airship race where the ships were being pulled by wyvern. The encounter worked a bit like a board game, where on each captain's turn, the ship would advance a number of spaces and at the bottom of initiative an effect would happen based on the space your ship was in. I had boarded a rival ship to cause disruption, and after taking out a few guys and taking a lot of damage, decided to cut the reigns of the wyvern from the airship and hang onto them, leaving the airship behind. On this same round, my allies crossed the finish line, winning the race. The DM, however, continued through initiative, including the regional effects at the end of the round. I had landed in a thunderstorm space and failed the save, getting struck by lightning, dropping to 0 hp, and plummeting 300 ft to the ground, fully dying on impact. I argued that the combat was over after we won, and therefore should have come out of initiative. My DM however, stuck with their call, resulting in the death of my character. Despite this, I'm now in my 3rd campaign with this DM, and also run my own game for the group. Yet, we're still curious, was my DM right to electrocute my character and sentence him to death, or should he have been spared his awful fate. We await your judgement.
volke
2024-08-19 19:27:16 +0000 UTCTo the most Honorable Justices and that guy who rode Amir's coattails to a decent living. I present the case of the Urgent Sending Spell. I am currently playing a Life Cleric in a Curse of Strahd campaign. I will avoid spoilers as much as I can for anyone who might be planning to play. My party is in a town and we got word that a woman we've befriended has been kidnapped by the head of the town's guard and been brought back to the mayor's home where he resides. We have to figure out how to get into the home and get her out without just rushing in because we are already at odds with the mayor. I decide because we have befriended the mayor's son and he's expressed the want for the head guard to be killed due to his cruelty, that I would get him to let us in. So at the start of the day I cast Sending to message him in his mind that we need his help, it will involve taking care of the guard he hates and to meet us at the church. Once I send that the DM says you wait two hours and nothing happens. He has me roll an insight check and tells me "you feel maybe your message wasn't urgent enough to convey he needed to come right this moment." I just stare at the DM and say "I think someone using magic to directly send a message into your mind shows quite an accurate amount of urgency." and the DM responds "not to an absent minded wizard who mostly spends time in his room." We are only lvl 5 so I have two third level spells slots a day....but I use my second to send "GET HERE NOW!" Fast forward and because our wizard cast mage armor "loudly" my negotiations turned into an all out fight. Int his fight our Barbarian's head was "smashed in" We won, but because I had to use both 3rd level spells just to get the son to us to have a way into the home, I now couldn't Revivify (I had the components) our party member. I ask for your judgement, am I wrong for thinking the first message was enough to have someone come see what is going on right away? Or was my DM correct in basically tricking me to waste my final highest spell slot right before we got into a fight that he even deemed "the boss fight of this arc"?
Taylor
2024-08-19 19:26:50 +0000 UTCDear Honorable Justices Murphy, Axford and Tanner. I guess John can listen too. During a recent session in which my players were fighting in a tournament, I gave a ranger NPC that the party had previously worked with the ability to have advantage on ranged weapons attacks while the target was within 5 ft of a team mate. The barbarian player most effected by this ability asked why she was getting advantage. My answer was simple. Because she does. After I did not elaborate, he got a little upset and was sort of sulking. Is it okay to not tell my players what abilities each enemy has and why they have them? Or was my player being a little crybaby bitch? Yes, I'm talking to you, James.
Michael Green
2024-08-19 19:25:29 +0000 UTCMay it please the court, and the right honorable bailiff Janf. I bring to you the case of the absent-tea merchant. I am a player in a very RP heavy 5E game. We as a table have decided to play a home brew campaign that was heavily reliant on role play for storytelling and we have built a really rich story with our DM. My case is presented as such. We are a party of three. i am a drunk rogue who fell into being a priestess for a goddess. But my beef is with one of our players who plays a tea merchant who can be a wild card. It has happened more than once where me and our other player (a Paladin who follows the goddess i am a priestess for) are having a serious conversation or are working to push the story along and the tea merchant will just disappear to “go find tea” and then is silent for a long time. It has happened more than once that in this silence he has fallen ASLEEP (we play remotely) once we were in the middle of a really difficult fight against like 20 shadow creatures and he fell asleep leaving the paladin and myself to fight on our own. I finally brought it up to him and he said that when he disappears he goes to put his 9 year old to bed (which I totally understand ) but am I in the wrong for asking him (the player) to stay awake for the duration of our games? I humbly await whatever fate you may decide.
Gabriella sofia
2024-08-19 19:25:24 +0000 UTCTo the honorable Lore Lords and the first-time special guest, Jake Hurwitz. After exclusively DMing for 7 years, my best friend approached me with an idea for a campaign they wanted to run. Our party consisted of myself, two of my friends, and one of our DM’s friends that I didn’t know very well. The first two sessions went swimmingly with fun encounters and plenty of laughs, but that ended at the third (and abruptly final) session. During chit-chat before the session, My DM’s friend made the claim that a nat 20 doesn’t inherently mean it succeeds, to which I reply that if a roll is called for there has to be a chance to succeed, to which he simply replied, “No it doesn’t.” This by itself isn’t an issue, but as we got into the session, he kept criticizing the actions I took and appealed to the DM at every turn. For example, as we were exploring the decrepit house of the town sheriff, I searched his bedroom for some cop armor because my party was kitted out and I only had a great sword. After I failed the check, the sheriff came home, and we all had to hide. Hidden in the closet, I asked if I could search the closet to which the ‘helpful’ player said that because I failed my investigation of the room I shouldn’t be able to search the closet, and my DM agreed. A few minutes later when there was a gun pointed to my character’s head, I cast command and said “gimme," to get the gun. The player then fiercely argued that gimme isn’t a word, so the spell should fail, and this argument called into question every other instance I used command in the campaign. Irritated, I asked him, “Whose side are you on?” to which he went silent and was then mentally checked out for the rest of the session. Judges, I ask, was he being insane or should I have cut him some slack? -Izzie (she/her)
1zziethefool
2024-08-19 19:21:59 +0000 UTCMay it behoove the great and honorable justices, and be talked about by bailiff Jeff. I bring the case of corrupt keeping. I was new to ttrpg and was playing pathfinder. The group I was in was fairly loose with mechanics and mostly played it like dnd, except for the character builds. I had done my homework and built an excellent 2handed fighter that cleaned up in dungeons. On our final quest we met the big bad who we promptly defeated. Upon his defeat we entered a cutscene where he monologed about not actual being dead and stealing one of our bodies as his next. The keeper called for a roll to match his on who would be taken. We all rolled an mine didn't match. He asked for our character sheets and then announced I was his target. I was rightly both offended and honored to have built a character worth stealing. I ask should I still be miffed that I was body snatched even though I didn't match the roll or should I consider that the keeper could do what he wanted or maybe had something else planned that I didnt know about? p.s. we didn't play more after this so I'll never know what was going to happen.
Ryan McMahon
2024-08-19 19:21:14 +0000 UTCHonored Justices and Jake-stices. I bring you the case of the Co-opted crit. In a campaign I am in, we reached a point where our battle v The Evil Empire took to the seas. In order to fight the empire armada, we teamed up with the pirate queen. When we were being introduced to her, she made an offhand comment that tripped my BS meter. It was not just what she said but the way she said it that made me go, "wait. is she a goddess?" The DM did the traditional, "Welll, you can roll religion," Which I did and got a crit. The DM hemmed and hawed for a few minutes muttering how the DC was 30 (which would be physically impossible for anyone in our part. My guy, the only one with proff in religion only got a 26) but then said "I'll honor the crit, and it makes sense that your guy would be the only one to know this" I play a storm sorcerer who has spent a lot of time on the sea, and this pirate queen was revealed to be the goddess of storm and sea. I realize that DMs will often flavor reveals to fit the character who made the check so this doesn't necessarily mean that much, but as the DM was narrating how my character pieces the story together, another player pops off and confronts the pirate queen on her divinity leading to a very tense stand off. I hadn't planned on keeping it from the party, but at the same time, I feel like I should have had some control in how the info got spread. I def would have waited for a less tense moment to try and get word to the party. Was I robbed of the chance to use the info I got from my crit? Or is info the DM narrates considered public knowledge? Dunno if this helps, but I am deaf/HoH and so it takes me a few seconds to parse when people are talking. No more than a second or two, but it takes a lot of effort and focus to listen if too many people are talking. The other player didn't even give me time to even try to fully parse the lore dump. He didn't even let the DM finish before popping of, and once the fit really hit the shan, things were too hectic for me to get a word in edgewise so I didn't really get to do any RP in that scene. P.S. Not relevant to the case but something that Murph and Emily may appreciate. As mentioned my storm boi spent a lot of time on ships before the campaign. I flavored a lot of his abilities on and drew a lot of inspiration from Kul Tiran tidesages.
Ziel R.
2024-08-19 19:21:02 +0000 UTCThe Catoblepas (kuht-OH-bleh-puh) crit fail confession To the triple-popes of Dice Christ’s 20-sided cathedral and the altar boy they use as a foot rest, I bring to you the confession of the only player character I ever killed, whose fictional blood still stains my hands years later. I was DM’ing an Eberron campaign for my brother, his wife, her siblings, and her quiet friend that I otherwise did not know (important). Our campaign was about six months in when the pandemic started and we tried going remote. Having never used roll 20 before, I tried to be professional and load macros of all of the enemies for that night, dinosaurs and a weird stinky mammal called a Catoblepas (Kuht-OH-bleh-puh) with a death ray ability that I did not closely read (also important). That way, each attack would load for all players to see at the click of a button. Professional. The session started with the dinosaurs and the Catoblepas ambushing the party. The catoblepas used its death ray ability on my sister-in-law’s quiet friend, the party’s druid, who failed the save by more than 5. I hit the “death ray” macro button that I’d professionally prepared and because the druid failed by more than 5, she took 64 necrotic damage. Which reduced her to 0. The death ray killed her. Outright. Dead. Deceased. Because of the macro button, that damage was public to my players, who reacted with as much surprise as I did. Unprofessional. I ended the session after the party recovered her body and we started another arc to resurrect the player, but the campaign fizzled out before it could be resolved. I do not know the player IRL, and so have never been able to fully explain to her the very accidental nature of her death. I beg for the forgiveness of dice christ, so that I may kill another PC more honestly in the future.
Brendan McDermott
2024-08-19 19:20:19 +0000 UTCDear hella rad Justices and the bailiff we all secretly adore but due to a bit pretend we don't. I bring to you a case of miscommunication and possibly a confession. I dm for my wife and her best friend (shouts out to my wife) in a home-brewed religious horror campaign. At one point the party was in a kingdom that i described as A) floating 2 miles above the ground in the fey wild. B) the enemy of the kingdom they just left, within moments of being in this kingdom they found themselves imprisoned by the king after the parties aasimar Fighter sorcerer outed themselves directly to the king. This however is not where things went all that wrong. My wife and her bestie had a great time fighting through the dungeon and guard rooms to collect their stuff and faithful NPCs along with enough scrolls of teleportation to get them to the ground safe as well as enough featherfall potions for a full campaign. Both of which are important. All party members had one of each. My wife', a tiefling paladin bad bitch named Lillith, proceeded to ask how far down the ground was. I told her again, about 2 miles or roughly so god damn far down. She proceeded to narrate herself stepping off the edge of the kingdom. Baffled i asked her the standard " are you sure" about 6 times each time met with "yup" and proceeded to narrate her falling to her presumed death after rolling a wild amount of fall damage it came out to be 2 points more than double her max hp and full killed her on the spot about 5 sessions into the campaign. After leaving she told me she didn't realize it was so far down and that it would kill her. The next session started with us retconning and going back to the edge of the kindom because i felt terrible that she committed sewer slide without realizing. In the end they both had a great time and we razz my wife about this from time to time. Your honors and sweet ass Jake, am i wrong for turning back time and allowing my wife to come back to life or was this an okay power use by a dm who didn't want his party members to be sad? I humbly await your judgement.
SmileyFatMan
2024-08-19 19:20:08 +0000 UTCTo the omnipotent and omnipresent Justices and the downright pitiful Bailiff Jake, I present the tale of the baffling backstory of Big Suga (Pronounced sugar without the hard R) Recently my friends and I decided to start a dnd campaign for the first time. During our session 0, my one friend created a Dwarf Druid named Big Suga. In the two weeks leading up to our first session, while the rest of us were in constant contact with our DM creating backstories for our characters, Big Suga remained radio silent even when I urged him to talk to our DM. Due to the lack of communication, a day or two before the session, our DM came up with a basic backstory and incentive for Big Suga and offered it to him to no response. During our first session when we were introducing our characters, Big Suga proclaims that he was born from a boulder on the rail yard, his mother is Mother Nature, and he has a stepfather named John. None of this fit in the world our DM spent months writing (other than having a stepfather). He was also high as a kite and could not comprehend our instructions as we tried to teach him how to play. I gave him a lot of shit for this but now I feel kind of bad since it became clear after a few sessions that he wasn’t interested in dnd. So Judges, was my shit giving justified, or should I have laid off of my friend?
LinearHorizon
2024-08-19 19:19:17 +0000 UTCGrinchly blessings to the court, and a bandicoot-based curse to Bailiff Honkwitz. I present to you a case of convenient glamping and loot-hungry PCs. I DM'd a remote campaign during COVID lockdown for some of my closest friends and then-fiance (now wife, despite this story). The party was on a quest with my DMPC, a dwarven rogue named Nondrak. Just before the final battle, the party's wizard cast Leomund's Tiny Hut for a short rest. Allowing this to happen proved to be a colossal mistake, as the players would literally duck into the hut mid-battle to avoid being targeted by the boss. The hut was out in an open chamber, so there weren't good places for Nondrak to hide and get sneak attacks nearby. I had him take to the shadows in the fog of war on our Roll20 map. The boss crit on a perception check and found Nondrak, making short work of my DMPC. The players emerged and downed the boss in one more round in which Nondrak failed a death save. After the fight, the players busied themselves with looting. This is where things get dicey. My fiance left for a restroom break mid-looting. I had been rolling death saves for Nondrak immediately after the battle was over, failing two more times. He was dead before my fiance even left the table. It wasn't until after my fiance returned that the party began to wonder where Nondrak was. Upon investigation, I told them that he had gone down in battle, and died as they were looting. My fiance argued that it was unfair that Nondrak died as we were clearly heading into a break, and nobody liked my argument that their looting (not to mention the subsequent discussion of what to do with the boss's cool swords) took much longer than 12 seconds, i.e. two rounds of combat for death saving throws. Was Nondrak's off-screen death unfair? Or was it negligence that did him in? I lay myself at the mercy of the court and am willing to receive or distribute your punishment.
Gilbemesh
2024-08-19 19:19:07 +0000 UTCTo the honorable crit justices and his lowliness Jim, I present to you the case of Dungeon Crawl fatigue. I play in a campaign with my partner and a few other people, and have had a few issues with the DM over the years, including his not really paying attention to character goals, zoning out of party roleplay and complaining when we avoid combats. Recently, we were making out way through a cursed forest to hunt down a fallen angel with the help of a few NPCS, including another fallen angel paladin. We stumbled across the ruins of a prison in the middle of the woods, and after none of the party seemed thrilled about entering the DM kept pressing us out of character that there might be magic items inside. We humored him and snuck in, as he described the place reeking of death and rotting corpses. After encountering a few zombies we turned and retreated, not wanting to get into unnecessary fights when this forest has been dangerous so far. The DM made fun of the party for retreating after only seeing a couple zombies, and had his DMPC venture back inside, with some of the party not wanting to interact and staying back. Given that we just finished a long dungeon crawl inside a sewer system maybe 2 sessions prior, are we in the wrong for not wanting to interact with yet another dungeon and to get on with the actually interesting main story? I lay myself at your judgment.
Egg
2024-08-19 19:17:39 +0000 UTCGreetings lovely justices of the court and the ostentatious yet beloved bailiff Jank. Today I bring you the case of Web Slinger v. Faerun, may it delight the court. I play in a campaign run by my girlfriend with a group of her friends. The D&D experience level varies at this table. A few players know the game fairly well, and a few hadn't played before this campaign. We just finished the Dragon of Icespire Peak module leaving us traveling to Neverwinter as level 7 adventurers. In a boss battle with a False Hydra, the party's sorcerer withheld higher level spells in favor of doing her usual casting web and getting irritated when melee fighters move in for close combat (as they would potentially be affected by the web) as well as casting and missing 1st level witch bolts on her brief turns. The DM and I suggested a couple times alternative options that could be more rewarding for her since this was indeed the boss battle. Our pleas went unheard and the sorcerer only started using higher spells when charmed by the monster. Are we in the wrong for positing options for her or should we just let her keep casting cantrips and 1st level spells for eternity? For additional background, there have been multiple attempts to help the newbies with their characters with the DM making special cards for every player and myself even having one on one character sheet sessions explaining everything in depth. It helped other players, but I have never seen this sorcerer use a single sorcery point nor does it seem she can find her spell DC. We don't want to play this sorcerer for her, but is hard to play around. Thank you, Supreme Crit, and may Bahamut keep you.
Dylan W
2024-08-19 19:16:04 +0000 UTCO holy servants of the esteemed Dice Christ, I am here with a confession. I lay my fate at your feet. My first campaign began, as so many campaigns do, with the Lost Mine of Phandelver. I was very excited to break out my teifling druid because while I had listened to a lot of actual play podcasts in the years preceding this campaign, I had only played DND once before (in a one shot with a pre-rolled character). My party safely followed the goblin trail to the cave and less safely defeated the guard wolves. We decided to climb up the chimney in the corner, which brought us right to the Bugbear Big Bad of the session. Wanting to avoid another fight so soon after the wolves had kicked our asses, I cast charm person on the bugbear and we were able to successfully leave the cave with lots of treasure and no further fights. While this campaign quickly fell apart due to the dreaded scheduling issues, I remembered that first session fondly… but not for long. About a year and a half after that session, I re-listened to the first campaign of one of my beloved DND podcasts and had a shocking realization. Charming the bugbear was NOT my genius idea at all! I had copied this move from a very famous podcast! And even worse, my best friend and fellow player in that session was ALSO very familiar with this podcast (although our DM was not) and, unlike me, she has functioning long-term memory. I have lived with the shame of accidentally cheating at DND ever since, and it’s only made worse with the knowledge that my best friend likely thinks I cheated on PURPOSE. Can I ever be absolved or must I be bugged to bear this weight for all eternity?
Natalie Ste
2024-08-19 19:15:44 +0000 UTCTo the honourable justices Axford, Tanner, and Murphy. and Geoff I bring the case of silly name scaries. I have a friend who wanted to play dnd reach out to me asking to dm for them. They said they had a couple good friends who were also interested, and one of them had actually played before! I got very excited about this and organised a time to meet up and create some characters together. I spoke with each player on the phone to see what kind of game they were interested in and began my planning. Snap to our character creation night. I made everyone personalised folders and printed blank character sheets. I even brought some dice I had around for each of the players to have for their characters and we began to roll up. The night was going well! Each of the new players were asking questions and getting excited about playing. I looked over at the person who had played before, who said they were good to work on their own, and noticed they had changed their character from a half elf to a halfling bard named Mario Pizza. I was crestfallen. He had spent the majority of the time writing his character name in the Mario font on his page. After that evening I didn’t commit to more gameplay, but have become friends personally with these people too. I want to play, but still have my doubts. Am I in the wrong for backing down, or am I justified in the loss of interest?
Ian Fildes
2024-08-19 19:15:40 +0000 UTCDefinitively mid members of the court minus cool guy Jake, I bring up the cold case of the Two-faced Player. I DMed a campaign over decade ago during college, and everyone seemed to be happy with the game. During such sessions, I received nothing but positive vibes and friendly cheer. Everyone was all smiles after the game. Everything *seemed* fine. However, after the game, one player messaged me on his phone complaining while not explaining that I was a terrible DM. He even cursed at me through these messages. Every session this happened, where he was positive during the session, and decided to be a rude dude after. Deciding to be diplomatic, after a few sessions of this behaviour I let him DM. I was regulated to be an unheroic bum on the streets, while everyone else were entranced with a world that they knew a lot about. Obviously it wasn't very fun. I left that group very soon after. Justices, I beseech you, what should I have done over ten years ago?
MasterWarcraft
2024-08-19 19:15:10 +0000 UTCTo the Sagacious Justices and flake turdwitz, I present the case of the lying Kobold. I have been DMing my first campaign with a group of childhood friends in a college themed campaign at Adventurer State University. It’s been such a fun experience watching my players whomp me and roleplay in my world. The problem lies with my one friend who plays a stoner Kobold named Kody, who cannot stop lying. Whenever he does anything that is somewhat embarrassing, his instinct is to just lie. This has led to him telling a group of kobold civil rights activists that the 5 innocent men I tricked the party into killing were actually a bunch of racist Kobold haters, claim that he fought against an angry mob of kobold haters when talking to someone who instantly knew he didn’t, and lie to a crime boss that he didn’t know why he was attacked by a separate criminal syndicate when he had stolen an artifact with the permission of the said crime boss. In every occasion, just telling the truth would’ve been fine, as has been impressed on him by me and the players both in game and out of game, and lying has led to bad consequences. What’s more, my friend agrees with us, and his behavior can only be explained as him going into a proto fugue state and lying and regretting it instantly when confronted. Judges, what do I do here. Is it my fault for pushing a normally quiet player into roleplay? I lay my fate humbly at the court.
Josh Kumar
2024-08-19 19:14:49 +0000 UTCDear jubilant justices and special guest jake from 8-bit book club. I bring you the case of “too dangerous to be given death saves.” In a 5 year campaign, we meet every other month for 10-12 hour session and rotating DMs. This has lead to multiple stories and player characters changing in and out. For our most recent adventure; at 10th level, another player and I made two new characters. Naturally we made their backstory connect and made them to compliment each other in combat. He: a fighter/warlock teifling, specialized in support. Me: a bard/paladin Dragonborn (shout out to queen calliope), who specializes in damage and mobility. We are both effective in our roles, but after a 4 hour court scenario with the dragon emperor we were sentenced to trial by combat with his two dragon sons. Two breath weapons later my palabard was looking rough, but then my turn came… justices it was one of my best turns ever. I was hasted by my teifling friend and crit with a smite. I did almost half damage on the dragon and raised my AC to 27 with a flourish. My brother the DM looked nervous, but used every legendary action on me. I stayed standing with help from my team. Then the dragons turn came back around. He declared all 3 attacks on me before rolling. He crit and hit twice. Justices he declared me out of combat. Saying the dragon spared me due to my character’s relationship with the dragon (oath of crown paladin) and threw me out of the encounter. Justices was I robbed of death saves and womping a dragon because my team built strong characters or was my DM right in trying to slow down our parties victory? P.S. I played the rest of the encounter as our parties NPC goblin named crunchy; polymorphed as a giant ape.
Jason Crandell
2024-08-19 19:13:59 +0000 UTCTo the honorable justices of the court and the darling baby bailiff John, I humbly present the case of the nerfed PC For context this case happened a long time ago and I have since gotten over it but would like to hear the court's ruling. I was playing an eladrin rogue in a still ongoing homebrewed campaign runned by my little brother who was relatively new to DMing and playing D&D in general, there were only three of us in the game at the time including the DM, so to balance the party out my brother ran a DM character along side myself and a mutual friend of ours. The incident took place during a campaign arc that my brother designed similarly to "Wonderland" (aka the suffering game) from The Adventure Zone that our level 10 PCs were going through. Everything was good until I had to roll for something my character had to lose in order to move on and ended up rolling on the option that made my character age by a decade. This was an option that the other two characters had already rolled on and saw no consequences for in the meta. The DM then proceeded to tell me that I needed to reduce all of my ability modifiers by 2 because I played an eladrin and because of the way we decided on how aging works, my character would have lost like 200 years off her life. Dumbfounded, I asked if the other two characters had to do the same, but he said it was just me and that the other two characters didn't suffer the same loss because they aged like normal. I tried to argue but to no avail, I spent the rest of the session a little upset but still had fun. Later on after the session, I argued that I should at least keep my non-physical modifiers the same since physically aging a decade wouldn't affect that and my brother eventually agreed. I've since restored my character's stats to where they once were pre-nerfing but I ask the court, was it fair for only my character to be punished so harshly, or was I in the right to try and argue against it? I humbly await your judgement.
Wren
2024-08-19 19:13:57 +0000 UTCTo the High Baliff Jake and lowly, lowly judges Axford, Murphy and Tanner. I come to you with a case of story over spellcasting. Approximately a year ago, my group and I were playing a campaign where we found ourselves navigating upstream a river. We were newly level five, and I, the cleric of the group, had been saving one of my two only third level spells to cast Leomund's Tiny Hut for the protection of the group when we made camp. (It's not on the cleric spell list, but twilight clerics get it as a domain spell). I cast it and we took turns sleeping and taking watch, foolishly assuming we would be safe. Justices and Baliff, not so. In the middle of my watch, the hut shattered, and we were set upon by werewolves. Backed against the river and having no option to run, we fought, and luckily emerged victorious without any PCs or the NPC contracting lycanthropy. I made an offhand comment, somewhat in character, that "Wow, someone must have dispel magic-ed me or something", which would have been fair. Again, not so. Our DM laughed a little and said "No, I just didn't have anything else planned for the night, so the hut didn't work." I accepted this with only minor complaints and the session continued, but for the remainder of the campaign I felt like Leomund's Tiny Hut was now only as useful as the DM wanted it to be, and consequently only used it again occasionally. The campaign ended great, and we've since taken turns running smaller campaigns, but this is something I razz him about, very gently, to this day, while he laughs it off. I ask the illustrious court: who's in the right? The all-mighty plot, or the some-mighty cleric? PS: this was the first DND campaign the other two players had played in, which is why I was an overprotective twilight cleric.
Pranav Kiran
2024-08-19 19:13:41 +0000 UTCTo the esteemed Justices Axford, Murphy, and Tanner and that guy who I think I saw working at a Tommy Bahamas once, I bring before the court the case of the holding bag. So for one of my campaigns I created a traveling merchant named Yimmithy, or Yimmy for short, who would appear in towns to give little quests and be a place the players can sell stuff they don't want. I also added a few knock off magic items they could buy on the cheap, like a wand of Fireball whisky which just poured up to three shots per day, and a holding bag, which looked like a knock-off bag of holding, but would contain an otherworldly creature inside that would try to hold your hand if you reached in to grab something. Silly right? Well I thought so, but I had one player who got super pissed about it. He was playing an artificer and bought the bag for 20 gold, and the first time I described him reaching in and feeling a cold stern hand trying to grab his in an embrace he freaked the fuck out on me. He said that's not how the bag of holding works, and that any creatures in there would be dead from lack of air. I tried to explain that it was a gag and that he could still get his stuff, but he kept telling me that it was fucked up because he really wanted that bag of holding and I "ruined it". Suffice it to say, that campaign didn't end well, but Justices I beseech thee, did I fuck up by selling my player a cheap knock-off bag of holding? Or did my player just overreact to a dumb joke? I await your judgements.
David Ousley
2024-08-19 19:12:57 +0000 UTCFriends, peers, supreme crit justices, and that one dude reading this I guess. I present the case of the deceitful warlock, and the cop wizard. I (the DM) was starting a new campaign with my partner and a few of my friends. The campaign was about the Gods of the world being unable to return to the material plane, and were finding ways to mount their return. With this my players decided to make characters based heavily in the lore (I was so happy). it’s important context that we agreed if we were doing something secret in character, we’d still do everything in front of everyone so we can all progress the story forward, and we were all adult enough to not metagame that our characters would know what’s going on. We had played a few sessions and we were reaching the end of the first arc, where they needed to find the source of a blighted forest. When they found the cursed tree, I had the warlocks patron tell them to pretend to destroy the source of the curse, but secretly keep it. When I had them roll a sleight of hand, they rolled very well, above everyone’s passive perception, and I told them they had done this successfully and they had their familiar take it to a secure place for them to retrieve later. The wizard chimed in and said he would like to roll perception to see if he see’s this. When I said the roll was above his passive perception so he wouldn’t notice this, he said “my entire build is based around perception and investigation. I’m a member of the guard, so I would always be actively looking for suspicious activity.” After some back and forth, I decided it wasn’t worth it to argue and to keep the vibes of the table moving, so I allowed him to roll and he succeeded. When he spotted the the familiar flying away with the source of the curse he shot it down, which led to both the players arguing IRL and the whole table having a pretty bad time. I ended up just telling them that the source of the curse went missing after it was shot out of the sky so neither of them of could look further into it and we ended the session early. Judges, I ask, should I have pushed back harder and been firm with my wizard about his passive perception and about his metagaming, or was my wizard right to question me when he built his entire character around the specific skill. I accept whatever judgement you see fit.
Tim Dominick
2024-08-19 19:11:36 +0000 UTCTo the marvelous masters of Murph- I mean, mirth...and also that guy in the corner, I bring to you the case of "The Kraken the Foundation" I'm a middle school teacher, and for my Master's thesis I introduced DND as an after school club as way to research its effects on collaboration in the classroom. This was all going swimmingly, until we had come to our underwater "finale BBEG battle" at the end of the year. While fighting a Kraken, one of the students stepped on a home-brewed, one-use glyph that cast "Dominate Person" on him to add some spice to the game. As a surprise to everyone, and to my horror, he leaned in to this from that point and opted to willingly fail all of his Wisdom saving throws until the end of the battle, refusing the option to switch back. For the rest of the game he opted for PVP, and ended up perma-killing two of the other five players (also middle schoolers). Everybody was very confused albeit entertained by the ensuing carnage he caused, but I was left astounded. Judges! Was I in the wrong for allowing this to happen at the stakes of having my research jeopardized, and two other players being permanently dead until the game was over? The point of the club was to study collaboration, but it feels like this student took the reins from us a bit by being so willing to partake in PVP. Regardless of your decision, I humbly await your sentencing.
James
2024-08-19 19:11:02 +0000 UTCTo the delightfully incorrigible justices and that unrepentant rascal, Bailiff John, I would like to present you with the case of the unwinnable boss fight vs the accidental meta knowledge. After having a 2020 worthy of Henry Hogfish, I decided to give D&D a try for the first time and found a group of local players. We were all adults who were interested in the game but most of us had never played before except for one player with a heafty dose of DM experience, looking to try playing. A couple of months in, the DM had to take a 2 week break for a work conference, but the experienced player offered to DM a 2-shot campaign to keep the momentum going. The campaign had us currently at level 2 and was a slightly gritty LOTR setting with a healthy dose of goofs, the one shot was a dark and miserable, level 13 trip through a mansion warped by a family curse and vampire magic, but we had our fun. Especially since the 1-shot DM invited his girlfriend to fill in the empty slot and she was a delight. The trouble started immediately when outlr first encounter was a forced stealth section around a zombie butcher. I had decided my player would have no idea that this person wasn't a member of the staff and asked to shake hands. The fight ended after a nesr TPK and a stern warning from the DM that sometimes meta knowledge helps the game. Fast forward to the end and we are on session 4 of this 2-shot, still learning our much higher level characters and have finally made it to the boss fight for it to be revealed that the DMs girlfriend was actually the vampires thrall the whole time and we had to fight a powerful foe AND our ally with that had taken a share of the loot and a fairly clutch artificer infusion. We held our own for a while, taking down the thrall PC and dealing with the mess that ensued from pulling 8 cards from the Deck of Many Things. Thats when things got nuts. Our Bard cast a Hypnotic Pattern that the boss failed and chose not to waste a legendary resistance on since it was non damaging. He then through out a casual comment of "huh, since technically the vampire is incapacitated, you could technically kill him if you got him in his coffin." The group looked at each other sprung into action. Our Barbarian forced the coffin open, the Sorcerer used his telekinesis to gently move the vampire inside and the Artificer used his cannon to fire a wooden ballista shot into the vampires chest. We won...? The DM weakly narrated a clearly improved scene about the treasure we find in the room before throwing back to us for end of game narration. We asked what happened to the mansion but he didnt know and was visibly angry about losing the fight. For years afterwards, whenever his 2-shot came up in conversation we stayed away from conversations about the last battle as razzing died under his sour glares. Justices, could the use of a DMs comment be seen as new players following an experienced DMs hints, or were we dirty metagamers who cheated through a supposed to lose fight and robbed ourselves of an ending that the DM actually wrote out ahead of time?
AutoReroll
2024-08-19 19:09:29 +0000 UTCTo the sweet, supple, and sensuous judges, and the man in a shockingly realistic bailiff Jake costume—Hell, it could be bailiff Jake himself— I present to you the case of the vibe avoidant PC. About two years ago, my amazing roommate DMed a vampire hunting one shot for our friends which was set in late nineteenth century Transylvania. She was meticulous in curating a certain spooky aura for the evening, even lighting candles throughout the otherwise dark room and wearing a black cape throughout the session. With a story taking place during such a specific time and place, one would assume that the players would create characters that, but one friend, a first time player, insisted on role playing as a valley girl esque 21 year old interpretive dance major at UCLA, all the while being adamant that she’d maintain a toxic long distance text relationship with her boyfriend Chad back in California. Upon frequent gentle yet exasperated reminders from our saintly patient DM that her intention was for us to play a Victorian gothic horror session, the friend argued that she could play whatever she wanted as long as she was still hunting vampires, even if that involved her role playing texting her Californian situationship. Wise judges, was my friend in the wrong for refusing to adhere to the DM’s carefully curated vibe of the one shot, or am I just being too grumbly towards a first time player exploring the magic of dnd? I seek your wisdom.
Maeve Pagan
2024-08-19 19:09:13 +0000 UTCA tubular "What-Up" to my bodacious justices, and a casual "hi" to the baliff, Yake. Justices, Yake, in the spirit of respecting the Mike's Hard vibe that was established in a past epsiode, I bring you the case of "Bud for Me, None for You". I live in a state where a certain mild psychoactive substance is legal for medical consumption. I have been DM'ing for about 25 years. Both of these facts are important to set up the following question, and I apologize for how indelicate I have to phrase this: are my stoner-ass friends are trying to gatekeep weed at the table? Context: All of my players started as mostly straight-edge (alcohol only), and over the last 5 years we have been playing, almost every one of them has converted into a full-blown 420 enthusiast. We established early on that, since we are adults, we wouldn't be policing the habits of each other as long as it didn't interferre with the session, but about a year ago I started noticing glassy eyes and stalled/stuttered responses when a PC would be in a scene. I mentioned to the players that while THEY may be stoned, their characters are not, and the King that they are giggling nonstop in front of may not appreciate the vibes at times. I was told that, as the DM, my job is to "make sure" that the King WOULD be cool, and that since they all had medical cards, "I was overstepping by inferring that they should ease-up before session". Okay. Well, I regularly partake myself, and had opted for the past few years to run each session sober as we recorded the sessions (and I want to be my best for my players). In the past 2 decades of running, I had often run entire campaigns stoned, and while the quality of game never was bad, I would sometimes goof up a bit/fumble important plot hooks. Justices (and Yake), I decided that my years of sober DM'ing was over, and that my NPCs were more likely to amicable to the derpy antics of the party if I, the DM, was also stoned. After my first session playing this way, my players approached me to tell me that my being stoned was "disrespectful to all of their times", even though none of them could actually point to any moment on the recording where the session went south/silly. The most cohesive objection I received was "It's like if our Dad started smoking with us; it's weird and uncomfortable even if you aren't doing anything weird and uncomfortable" and I'm so flabbergasted that I put the campaign (which has been going since 2019) on an indefinite hold. Justices... what the fuck? Is there actually an unspoken expectation amongst gaming circles that the DM should stay sober, even if literally everyone else isn't? Was my choice to "get on their level" a bad one, and my reasoning for doing so "stupid"? I'm neurodivergent and struggle with reading social cues, so in no small way this interaction has seriously shaken some core social beliefs. The worst part is, is that when I go back to the recording I personally feel like my performance as the DM was actually BETTER than it has been for a year+! Anyways, thank you for reading this, and please pet that dog that was at the Orlando live show from last year. PS: Velocicoaster is pretty good, but Hagrid's Motorcyle Adventure is better. Fight me, Murph
DMAN
2024-08-19 19:08:24 +0000 UTCJubilant judges and buoyant bailiff, I bring the case of the refused resurrection. I was playing in a Curse of Strahd campaign which we had been warned would be high lethality. Well, that was an understatement - after being ridiculously cautious for 4 sessions, half the party got into our first fight with what we thought was a weedy teen only to get absolutely smoked by his access to 5th leve AoE spells and pre-prepared glyphs of warding. Some bad dice rolls and a potion of poison later, and we were dead dead. All the players were laughing about our deaths, but the DM was noticeably sad. Not only did he feel bad about killing us while using the voice of Morty from Rick & Morty, my character in particular had been a bit of a gift for him, as the only character who was local to Barovia, as well as the one with high Int in a party of max-10s. I was facilitating lore dumps and interested in religion, which I know he loves to go into. After the game, he mentioned that, as a cleric of Mother Night, my goddess would probably bring me back, and that I could come rejoin the party. I said yeah in the moment, but thinking about it between sessions, I don’t want that. Am I the asshole for building a new character and denying my DM his opportunity to give us all local lore?
Alexandra Ferguson
2024-08-19 19:07:14 +0000 UTCTo those that I tune out while listening, and the UNDERAPPRECIATED Bailiff Jethro. I bring forth the case of the animated armour, and the upset rogue. During Lockdown, I and a group of 4 friends decided to try D&D for the first time. I volunteered to DM because I had watched an actual play on YT and thus had the most experience. After being told that a local shopkeeper was dealing in magical artefacts my players decided to break in to his shop at night. After describing several sets of armour, they asked if any stand out to which i said the nicest looking one was on a stand and the players collectively said “Well that’s obviously going to come to life when we approach it”. The rouge of the party asked to make a check to see if it was magical. They rolled a 17! I told them the armour was not magical. They then approached and one of the other sets of armour came to life. I thought this was funny and so did 3 of my players. The rogue got a little upset and said that their 17 should have covered all the armour and not just the one set. They then proceeded to sulk and verbally attack (and in some cases physically attack) pretty much all of the NPCs that session. If i was doing this now i probably would have let that 17 cover all the armour. But I still stand by that this was funny. I didn’t know about the surprised condition back then so the armour didn’t recive any extra attacks or anything. Was i in the wrong? And if this is as cut and dry as i think it is, then should i still apologise to the player and blame it on my inexperience? I nonchalantly await your judgement. And I hope the bailiff, Jonathan is having a good day.
Alec D
2024-08-19 19:06:21 +0000 UTCTo the magnificent justices and the blif, I present to you all the case of the Russian Crick Elves. For an in between mini game I decided to run Bahumia for my group until our main DM was ready to run the next real campaign. Everyone was stoked. One player in particular was very interested in being a Crick Elf. She said she wanted to be the daughter of a ranger guard; no problem, I can homebrew them in. She said she wanted to be half orc, half elf; no sweat, we can make a custom race. She said she wanted to have a Russian accent. At this I balked hard. I told her if she wanted a Russian accent she had to be from the Frigid North, people from the Crick have Southern accents. After a fair bit of back and forth she relented and said she’d do a Southern accent, which she was ungodly terrible at. I felt ok about this for a while but thinking back I feel like she talked very little during the game and I’m thinking maybe it’s because I made her do the accent. Justices, should I have thrown the regional dialect out the window for this player or should she have had more hospitality?
Noah Kyle
2024-08-19 19:06:09 +0000 UTCIllustrious clergy, I have come to spill my guts on the linoleum floor of the dice Christ cathedral. Years ago during my first full campaign I played a half elf bard battling his way through Barovia. After gaining a curse that gave me a 20 strength score I gave my rapier away for a long sword. About ten sessions later I lost the curse and thus gave away the sword. While my party was infiltrating a den of werewolves we split into two parties… and me by myself. I met up with a single werewolf in a long abandoned tunnel. It was then I realized I no longer had any silvered weapons and also no spell slots. A grueling battle ensued where all I used was vicious mockery. With the disadvantage role on the first of every two attacks the werewolf made and my party members cheering me on, I was able to mock the mutt to death… pretty rad huh? So yeah, thanks DC, big ups 🤙🏽
Maxwel Anderson
2024-08-19 19:05:22 +0000 UTCI bring to you a confession. For the last year and a half I have been running a campaign for my partner and three of our friends. All of these great people share one, not-so-great, character trait: They are all VERY forgetful. So, I have worked to help counteract this trait. I now open every session with a recap, Oppa Murph style, have given each of them a brief lore cheat sheet specific to their characters, and have gotten into the habit of printing and laminating custom item cards for each and every item I give them. Occasionally, if one of my players asks to loot a body, or to search through a dungeon for treasure, of which I do not have prepared, I will roll random loot using a generator I found online. The most recent time this happened, I rolled the loot and began telling the players what they found before actually reading the descriptions of the items myself. One of these items was the Gauntlets of Ogre Power, a wondrous item that instantly boosts the wearers Strength score to 19. Our three friends all have decent strength already (18, 18, and 16) so they offered the gauntlets to my partner, a Warlock, knowing she loves loot and has a low Strength score. My butthole clenched in this moment as I realized this would make Strength her THIRD stat sitting at 19. She ALREADY has 19 Con and 19 Charisma due to rolling three 6’s TWICE during character creation (for real, I rolled them myself and she yelled at me when I tried to nerf her). Not wanting to give my partner the ability to ruin my plans any further, and to avoid any main character syndrome, I did something treacherous… I simply did not make an item card for the gauntlets. As hoped, and expected, the next session went swimmingly, and every other session, after as well, and not a single person has mentioned, or questioned the whereabouts of these gauntlets and my partner’s strength remains a lowly 12. However, I can’t help but wonder if I have sinned against dice Christ by taking a page out of my players book and “forgetting” something. Please punish me how you please.
Jarod With
2024-08-19 19:04:16 +0000 UTCMay it please the Crit and burden the Bailiff Jinsy, I present the case of the NPC Affair and IRL Marriage. I run a homebrew campaign for my partner and three of our friends, in a horror setting where the party's home town was claimed by a Lich in session 1. One player wanted their character to have a wife -- no problem. When they escaped the town from the Lich, most of the civilians were left behind, including (determined by the dice) the wife. Months passed as the party accumulates power, with this player having one driving goal: I must rescue my wife. Lo and behold, last session, they heisted the town and freed all of the villagers, including the wife. Gently foreshadowed in scrys over the time were some hints -- the wife was not wearing the ring. The wife was spending a lot of time with the incredibly old and weak village wizard (also a captee). And on an insight check from the party cleric, it was revealed: the wife has been having a strictly-emotional nonphysical affair with the wizard, and the marital relationship with the player's character is over. The player, who happens to be MY wife IRL, is upset that I did this without consulting her. I did not want the NPC to become a docile and loving follower for me to have to juggle once rescued and thought it would be a fun and edgy twist. I come before you now: Did I have a duty to consult my player(wife) before having her NPC wife cheat on her? (P.S. For the avoidance of doubt, no IRL marital issues--purely tabletop!)
Ziv like Steve
2024-08-19 19:03:55 +0000 UTCO Wise and Merciful Justices Axford, Murphy, and Tanner - Oh wow, Jake, I didn't know you worked here. I thought you did, like, a youtube show or something? - sorry, hold on. Justices, we come to you with a quandry as well as a case. We ask for your swift and terrrible punishment as Justices, but we also ask for your *advice* as fellow players and famous yaunts and youncles. My party has been playing very consistently for about 7 years now. In the last year, we have gone from being a mostly in-person group to a mostly virtual group. This has been a little disappointing, but it was not a major impediment. I have been virtual since day one, so it's always been available as fallback for other members, and we've always had good virtual infrastructure. However, in the time that virtual play has become the norm, we've all developed some bad habits that are starting to irk me. Justices: What was once "finishing up the dishes" at 7:30 has become "doing the dishes at 7:30;" what was once "changing over the laundry" has become "doing the laundry;" "playing from the car because I'm running late" has become "planning to play the first 15 from the car, so I can run an errand." These are bigger examples, but we're all guilty of scrolling or trying to answer an email during narration or another players turn, or taking too long to run and grab a snack. When I brought this up, there were complaints that its hard to play online, and that doing the laundry, dishes or having another tab open helps to keep some players locked in; however, this makes me feel like a podcast (no offense) for my own friends. I understand that some tactile tinkering can be helpful, but sometimes it feels like it's gone too far for me. Therefore, we ask you: should I accept that doing their chores helps my friends stay engaged? Am I being unreasonable in pushing to have us all at our seats with cameras on at 7:30pm? If so, is there a line? which chores are light enough to get done during play, and which go too far? Your unworthy servant, Erdin
Holden O
2024-08-19 18:59:56 +0000 UTCBright and shining members of the court and also Murph, who I have a deep personal vendetta against, I bring the case of the Eternal Surprise Round A previous DM of mine had a house rule that every enemy can take a turn before the PCs no matter what, because they "are all prepared for combat so they ready their actions to attack before us". Whenever I tried to point out that not only is the whole point of rolling for initiative is to see who is faster in an engagement that both sides are ready for, but also that this rule is just giving all enemies a free surprise round, I was met with an awkward mumble followed by silence. This rule came to a head when we were sneaking by a Yeti and with a Pass Without Trace I cast, we all got above 30s on stealth! ... But one PC placed their token on the map in a hurry before stepping away for a second, and since their token was poking a bit out of cover, the DM said that the yeti spotted them anyway and got their free surprise round. After we all rolled 30s on stealth. Ive already left the campaign but like, thats a jank rule right? (Also my vendetta against Murph is cause of the glaring lack of Bugbears in Mob Goblin. I can never forgive this cruel injustice)
Bugbear OrMiss
2024-08-19 18:58:00 +0000 UTCDear magnificent supreme crit justices and dishonorable bailiff jACAB. I’m a lowly player potentially complicit in nonsense and I hope to restore honor to our dedicated dm. I feel that we disrupted our dms hard work. Our dm created a one shot in the feywild to explore my characters backstory. It was a battle of the bands adventure complete with performance and battle. At one point a member of my party decided they had a canon and used it to fire themselves across the map while another member tried to use dimension door against an unwilling opponent. When my dm pushed back on those decisions, the players including myself pressed that these things should be allowed because of the feywild rules/the bit. Leaving him feeling frustrated and distressed. So I place you myself/ourselves at the mercy of the supreme crit and their verdict.
Ari Luna
2024-08-19 18:57:10 +0000 UTCDear Justices and that Sprusy twat, I present that case of “that good dick and his lying DM.” I have been seeing this guy (who’s got that good dick) and we have bonded over our love of Dnd. He would always talk about how amazing his DM’s (who is also his roommate) campaign and world building is. It has been going well enough that I was invited to join a session one night. I was excited because as a forever DM I was looking forward to being a player.It was fun but I couldn’t help but notice how familiar the campaign and even his bits/jokes sounded. Then it hit me, he was copying Buhuima Campaign 1. At the end of the session all the players praised the DM how original his world and characters are. As I was leaving the DM offered to give me tips or advice on any of my campaigns. I was annoyed but I didn’t say anything cause didn’t want to mess up getting that fulfilling dick. I was invited back to play again and right before the session start, the beautiful dick guy I was seeing offered to the table that maybe I could DM a one shot for them, and before I could say anything, the DM loudly proclaimed that “I don’t play modules.” I was pissed. so when during the session, a member of the Chosen named Rosell gave me an autographed sword, I asked to check if it had a scying spell. The DM turned white and said he needed to end the session there. I was told by my horse like dick friend that the DM doesn’t want me coming anymore but he won’t say why. So justices, was I in the wrong? Should I be petty and tell my hunged hookup of his friend’s plagiarism ? Or should I let him enjoy Buhima? I patiently ride for your decision. P.S Mark, if you hear this get bent
Michael
2024-08-19 18:56:56 +0000 UTCI have a Dice Christ plea for some kind of exorcism. I am an elementary school teacher, and I run a dungeons and dragons club for grades 4-8. Unfortunately, I think the children in my club have been cursed. You see, in our past session, four players rolled a nat 1 in a row. They have been jokingly praying to Cthulhu every time they get stuck in the game. (do not ask me how they found out about eldritch gods, as I truly have no idea). I am afraid this might have upset Dice Christ. Oh great clergy-people, Please help lift the curse upon these kids. Ms. M
Emilie Rayner
2024-08-19 18:56:31 +0000 UTCTo the Transcendant judges who rule above all, and... Jeff? Was it? I bring you the case of The Cowardly Dwarf. I was playing in a 3.5 campaign and we had started off with a basic encounter, some goblins ransacking a cart. However, our wizard had been allowed to start with a wand of wonder, and when rolling an attack on the goblins, cast a 9th level fireball centered on herself. She had 3 max hp, as we were level 1, and the rest of the party perished as well. The only reason I survived was because my short dwarf legs hadn't been fast enough and I rolled last in initive. My turn came up and the DM asked what I wanted to do. I ran. As soon as I announced this the table was outraged, saying I need to avenge them or die trying so we could restart, I argued that it made no sense for my character to do. Justices, was I wrong? Should I have stayed and avenged my party, or should my little dwarf have saved his own life. I accept whatever punishment you offer.
UltraMarines
2024-08-19 18:55:39 +0000 UTCHo! You three, bright stars of justice, righteous pillars of our lady law. My humblest greetings. And to you... I... I... *looks nervously at bailiff, trails off* I played in a campaign with my friends and partner from 2016 - 2019. We had a rule that if you rolled a nat one you put a quarter in a jar. The dm would occasionally spend the money on minis etc. But in 2020 he moved to another country and stayed there until this summer. The jar remained at my house with $13.75 (and a peanut) inside. I recently discovered that my toxic roommate that used to play with us (aarakockra bard who squawked a bad poem irl for every spell and was racist against my partners character even though no one thought it was funny) had stolen the money before he moved out for unrelated issues. Justices, we don't know how to re-balance the scales of the law! Do we all pay a share? Contacting the ex-roommate for the money is unthinkable. I humbly await your verdict.
Casey R
2024-08-19 18:55:16 +0000 UTCDear High Justices and the Bailing Bailiff Jahark. I present to you the case of the "Unhelpful Looters". I am a DM in a relative young campaign. The players got into a fight with two Elemental Spirits in a potion shop that we're summoned by the BBEG who fled the scene right after. The fight was pretty tough and out player knocked out right of the gate. While the team got their shit together and killed the first spirit, our druid was busy fighting the second spirit. After helping the downed player up, two of the party, namely the previously downed and their helper, decided to not help in the fight, but instead went to the shelves in the potion shop and use their actions during their turns to loot the store, leaving the druid to their own devices. The druid even asked during the fight for help, but the looters just commented that the druid was in wildshape, and had enough Hitpoints anyway. It had a good ending and everyone got out, but there is a sour mood at the table now. I did not even realize that the druid player was upset with this until after they spoke with me in private. I am asking the highest judges: Was I in the wrong and should I have told off the looting players to help in the fight? Or were the looters correct in their behaviour? Should I just stop putting loot and fights in the same room? I am patiently and humbly awaiting your judgment.
Ralph
2024-08-19 18:55:12 +0000 UTCTo the most highly esteemed Justices Axford the Almighty, Murphy the Magnanimous, Tanner the Terrific, and that weird 4th guy from Connecticut - I present to you today the case of the Dead Wizard's spellbook. I DM a homebrew campaign in a world that many years ago was based loosely upon Bahumia but has since taken on a life of its own. I tell you this as a show of my deep love and respect for the high court and whatever decisions you mete out hereforth. My players have been traversing both time and planes throughout the past 3 years of our current campaign together and are in the 3rd and final act of the campaign. Currently, their focus is gaining power and gathering allies in preparation for what should be an epic battle against the BBEG and his Lieutenants. In pursuit of that goal they had reunited - first in the present and then in the future - with the estranged father of one of the PCs who was a magic researcher. In the present he was trying to uncover the Source of all magic but in the future had unlocked some of the secrets pertaining to this Source, granting him access to magical abilities along the lines of 10th level spells. Unfortunately, these abilities were far from complete and consumed his own life energy to use. He fell in battle protecting some other NPCs and trying to aid the party using the last of his life to save a dozen others. Following this the party found his notes and were planning to decipher them to unlock these abilities for themselves as an ace up their sleeves in the final battle. Now, I need to say here that my players are terrible at puzzles. They hate them. Riddles are infuriating for them and then in turn for me, battles of wits boil down to outbursts about semantics, and even the simplest of 3rd grade level puzzles will often annoy all but one or two of the players. So I did not want to make these notes just a logic puzzle that would enrage them and make the game less fun. Instead, when I had time off work, I spent a week bringing these notes to life. I tore apart the pages of a journal, laid them out and began designing every magic circle and glyph that they would need to recreate in order to open the Weave and glimpse at the Source to grant them their own unique abilities. I then painstakingly rebound the leather journal with needle and thread, filled the pages with Lore about the world that they had yet to learn or had just touched upon either in backstory or at the table, added diary entries of the one who wrote the journal lamenting his lost relationship with his son and declaring that he would do better for him and his friends, included passages flagged as fantasy languages that were written in languages the players actually knew (Sylvan became Hebrew, Elvish became French, etc.), and finally included one final page with a message, encoded with a cipher found throughout the tome, to the players on what they needed to do - unbind the book, draw out the magic circle and glyphs found within, and offer a handful of items that they have or can find as material components to this spell. I was gleeful when I presented this to my table - my wife had seen it earlier but the rest were so excited as they leafed through the book. But here is where my case lies. One player, who had not even really looked over the notebook or taken much interest yet looks up and nonchalantly says "Oh, it looks like he bound it himself, just cut that off and we can probably figure this out." I was caught off guard but quickly countered with something about how I wouldn't make it THAT easy for them. I then took the book back and told them that they could look at it whenever we took time for a long or short rest but that I would hold onto the book at other times to avoid it becoming too much of a distraction. Was it wrong of me to restrict their access to the book? Was it wrong of my player to try to shortcut something that was clearly meant to symbolize a real life MacGuffin? Should I have just let them tear it apart then and there? I seek your guidance on what I did and what I should have done. Respecfully, The DM who's engagement you announced at the end of Campaign 1 Episode 46
Harry Abrahams
2024-08-19 18:55:09 +0000 UTCGood evening, honorable supreme crit justices and the beloved bailiff Jvelin. Today I bring before you the case of the “tween” elf & suspiciously situational puberty. I DM a campaign with four players, one of which plays a 11 year old tiefling named Spliff and one who plays an 80 year old drow, Mortimer. Since the other two characters are in their mid twenties, Mortimer has the most lived experience out of the whole party. At the beginning of the campaign Morty's player introduced him with “he’s 80, but in elf years that’s like, 14”. I’m always down for players to contribute to the lore of the world, so I okayed this. Now here is where the issue arises. This player is great at RP, but whenever something scary happens, Morty will often demand a whole scene out of combat (but not always during downtime) to go off alone and calm down, his justification being “I’m just a child!” (We did talk ahead of time about what playing a child character meant, and agreed injury/death was still on the table.) When people bring this up or question him, he refers to himself as "the baby of the group", that he doesn’t know better and is so emotional and impulsive because he’s going through puberty. Spliff, meanwhile, is an actual child, but other players will be forced to focus attention on Morty instead of her. Additionally, when it comes to a skill or area he’s proficient in, Morty will scold the other characters and say “I’m 80, I know more about this than you do”. In addition to my frustration, other players have come to me slightly annoyed by Morty's anomalous age on multiple occasions. So, honorable crit, I ask: is Mortimer’s player in the wrong by situationally choosing to RP as 14 or 80 citing “that’s just how elves mature” and utilizing it to maximize RP time? Or is this confusing characterization my fault for allowing the player to weave the lore of elven physiology for this world in the first place? If it is my own punishment that must be decided, I request that you bury my body back home in The Crick.
Sol McClain
2024-08-19 18:54:28 +0000 UTCif they dont reply the only input i have is there should have been some hints... the closer they get to the full moon, they start to feel itchy, or even have them roll insight or constitution rolls to get little bread crumb hints so it felt more organic
Shel B Kennas now 1st fav sprite girl. Triss hard seltzer, more like PISS hard seltzer. Congrats Tanner Wolffe Fam
2024-08-19 18:54:15 +0000 UTCMay it please the Honorable Judges and the Wonderful Bailiff Jake. I bring the case of the stolen final session. On my first long running campaign (modified lost mines of Phandelver) I was playing I was happily playing a Bladesinger Wizard. Everything had been great and smooth and we were getting ready to start the last dungeon and end the campaign in the next couple sessions. The problem started when I attempted to read the mind of my Zhentarim (criminal organization in DnD lore) contact only to find out they were the BBEG. I fled and found out with detect magic I had some sort of magical sensor on me left by the BBEG that was supposed to ensure the party went along with her plan. I decided I couldn't possibly bring that with the party as it would be sure defeat, and said my wizard would go talk to their mom who is also a Zhent. The DM gave me the "are you sure?" And I said yes. This led to my character death, which I was honestly okay with. At first. But then I asked if I could build a new character for the final session. The DM said no, I'd need to play the under leveled goblin rogue follower we had been training. This was super boring in itself. But after we retrieved the item we were trying to keep from the BBEG and defeated the final boss of the dungeon it got worse. The DM narrated the BBEG finding us, taking the item, and the remaining characters barely escaping with their lives. No rolls, just cutscene. Was I or my group robbed, or am I the problem player trying to derail the campaign? P.S. (It didn't ruin my relationship with the DM at the time. We went on to play another campaign, which was mostly good until another problematic ending, but that's another case if you want it)
Joshua Morgan
2024-08-19 18:53:54 +0000 UTCI KNOW! It happened to me like 4 times!
DisClever
2024-08-19 18:53:53 +0000 UTCTo the most honorable and demure Supreme Crit Justices and that one guy who's also there too, I wanna say.... Jabe? I bring you the case of The Young White Dragon: Unphiltered. My party had just hiked up to the lair of an Adult White Dragon and it's child, managing to lure the Young White Dragon out of the cave to fight the party alone before Mama Dragon was alerted. The issue arose when one PC remembered he had a Philter of Love that he had bought ages ago in a different town. He wanted to throw the potion into the Young Dragon's mouth. I allowed a ranged attack with an improvised weapon and told him before the roll that hitting the open mouth would be extra difficult and would give +5 to the dragons normal AC to get it inside. Here's where things got sticky. He managed to beat the AC to hit the mouth. RAW, a Philter of Love has no saving throw, but it also states that it only works if the love is with "a species or gender you (in this case, the dragon) are normally attracted to." Given this, I gave the Young Dragon a Wisdom Saving Throw against the PCs Spell Save DC, which it passed, preventing it from falling in love with him. The players went on to defeat the Young Dragon and narrowly squeak out an epic victory against the Mama Dragon in her lair as well, but after the session, the Player who threw the potion was complaining that the Young Dragon should have fallen in love with him and joined the party in killing it's mom. It was a good natured ribbing and he didn't press the issue (no new friends needed), but now I'm second guessing myself. Was I right to have given the Young Dragon a Saving Throw? Or was hitting the +5 AC enough to earn such a powerful ally in the fight against it's own mother? I wait at the mercy of the court.
Sir Chilliam
2024-08-19 18:53:17 +0000 UTCOH NO I PRESSED ENTER TOO EARLY
Wyatt W.
2024-08-19 18:52:34 +0000 UTCMay it please the glorious Judges, who are also the Jury and Executioners, and that guy who tells them what to direct their fury at. I offer: "The Case of The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Problem Player."
Wyatt W.
2024-08-19 18:51:43 +0000 UTCHonorable Crit Justices & Crit Justice Adjacents, I present a case that happened so long ago the statute of limitations may have lapsed*, but it's one that has stayed with me for a long time. As a campaign we were already in was was winding down, my brother decided to try his hand at DMing for the 1st time. He didn't give us any parameters on world setting or theme, but when I tried to create a character I'd wanted to play for a while, a psionic pixie**, he shut it down because I had used source materials he was unfamiliar with. Feeling uninspired in character creation, I ended up playing a "gnome with amnesia" for the start of the campaign (which admittedly wound up working out in the "you've all been knocked out and you don't recognize the people you're locked in a cell with" setting he put us in).*** I ask you, oh hallowed Crit Court, should I have been allowed to play my little guy with telekinesis, or was my brother justified in limiting my character options? *this campaign was in like late/2014 or early 2015 & predated 5e **I was really obsessed with the idea of having a small character that could move shit much bigger than her with her mind ***it only ended up lasting a few sessions anyway
Andi
2024-08-19 18:50:56 +0000 UTCHello judges and the non-buttered baliff Jorts! I bring to you the case (confession? both?) of Feywild Saul Goodman. I'm running the Wild Beyond the Witchlight, and we had a PC join after the initial two PCs (spoilers for Wild Beyond the Witchlight) defeated the first hag. Because of that, I let the PC be from the Feywild and know some information about the hags. Justices, the PC has made a lawyer speficially built to make bad deals with hags. I'm having trouble as a DM because whenever they encounter the hags, this player rolls really well to make bad contracts with the hags, who's whole deal is bad deals. And I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, I feel like I should honor the PC rolling well. But on the other hand, the hags should know when they are being offered a bad deal, because that's their whole deal, right? Justices (and jorts, if it pleases him), please help me out of this legal trouble with my PC!
Alex W
2024-08-19 18:50:52 +0000 UTCTo the beautifully-plumaged Cardinals and their 40 year-old Yankee Candleboy, I have a confession from a game 12 years ago - I caused my first ever party wipe out of jealousy. I was the dumb human fighter (the Jake, if you will) of my party, playing 3.5 D&D. I was also the only one still with a packhorse, affectionately called "Swordhorse" after I started strapping looted swords to him to keep him safe, a sort of "porcupine armour". Long story short, I caused a random magical effect table to be rolled, when we were on our own in a room. The effect: The creature within 30ft with the highest Wisdom score, rolls immediately to reincarnate. Swordhorse had more wisdom than my dumb fighter (Jake), and by coincidence became a human. We laughed as we jointly created this beautiful nude human fighter, with a glorious mane of hair and using swords strapped to his body as weapons - A new DMPC named Swordhorse the Man. Here's where the turn happened - Over the next few sessions, my beloved horse became my rival. Whether due to my being newer to the game, bad rolls, or just the comedy factor of it for the party, Swordhorse would constantly outperform my character on every front. Eventually the time came where we faced our hardest boss fight yet, a former blacksmith-turned-crazed-giant who was out for revenge after a series of fuckups on our end. During combat Swordhorse the Man was trapped under the Giant's Blacksmithing hammer, and I was the only one with the strength score to potentially help remove it. Instead I tried to take the win for myself and let him remain stuck, too proud to admit this fight was unwinnable without his help. We ended up killing the giant, but the campaign was effectively over, the only survivor being my brother's dwarf druid. I've since played a lot more TTRPGs and grown older and wiser (Though not quite as old as Jake), but I still cringe when I think about how my first campaign ended. I humbly beg forgiveness from DiceChrist and from Swordhorse the Man, who I assume is up there somewhere too.
Evan Sherlock-Hubbard
2024-08-19 18:50:32 +0000 UTCPvP mouse-capades Greetings Honorable crit justices and hi bailiff jake. I present the case of PvP mousy metagaming My group was planning waterdeep dragon heist, where the party receives a manor/tavern as payment for a job. While we were discussing funds to fix up the tavern, our ranger, who was a mousefolk (a build the player found online) said “artificer has gems that will easily pay for the repairs”. But this was metagaming, because the artificer had found the gems on a dead body and didnt tell anyone. Instead of correcting herself, the ranger doubled down and said because she has squeak speak from being a mousefolk, the mice in the tavern told her the artificer had the gems. This caused our already paranoid conspiracy theory obsessed artificer to set up traps around their room, and with DM’s permission rolled a die to see how many mice they trapped. To try and prevent future metagaming with this excuse, i had my druid change into a mouse and tell the mice that the ranger was using them, and that by speaking to her, their lives were in danger. The ranger said this was “too meta gamey” and why would the mice believe me over her. I argued to opposite, and said my response was reasonable even in game because she told us she was talking to the mice, and knowing mice were dying my druid would want to save them. Did I metagame to hard in response to her metagaming?
Aly
2024-08-19 18:49:48 +0000 UTCTo the jolly judges and the cantankerous bailiff, Jug. I am a forever DM, but I recently had the chance to play in a few adventures. In a one shot, Table Higginbottom, a fairy monk, could not roll for shit for the majority of the session. Towards the end of the game, my DM (who is rather inexperienced for context) described Table getting attacked by an invisible creature behind him, thus starting a combat encounter. Table went first, and I said that I wanted to strike at the creature, to which my DM said, “You can try.” I used flurry of blows and rolled incredibly high on all of my attacks, even getting a nat 20. As I was going to roll damage, my DM told me that none of my attacks hit because the creature was attacking me from another plane. I was incredibly pissed about it considering that these were the first good rolls I had all night, but I tried my hardest to hide it for the sake of the fun night we were having. Apparently, I didn’t hide it well enough because a few days later they told me that my reaction almost made them panic and end the session right there. Judges, I ask you, was I right to get upset or should I have taken my friend’s classic DMing blunder in stride? Best, Izzie (she/her)
1zziethefool
2024-08-19 18:48:33 +0000 UTCMay it please the Court and not the bailiff, Early in our campaign my players fought a werewolf. The werewolf bit one of my players and I told him to roll a constitution saving throw. He rolled poorly and I shook my head and said “oooookayyyyy” in my DM voice. One of my other players said “oh I bet you just contracted lycanthropy” but I didn’t deny or confirm anything. My players then never thought about it again. I, on the other hand, kept diligent track of the moon cycle in my world and 8 real life months later, the full moon was finally back. The player transformed, killed two NPC’s and almost killed another PC. Everything worked out fine but my player was mad at me for never telling him that he had contracted lycanthropy. Justices, was I wrong for not telling my player he had become a werewolf? I didn’t want to say anything because my party already had access to remove curse and I didn’t want to invalidate the stakes. I lay my fate at your feet
Stephen Fowler
2024-08-19 18:47:23 +0000 UTCTo the beautfiul judges three. Oh, and that bailiff...didn't see you there. Anyway. I present to you the case of the Spinning Blades Room, a potential wrongful razzing infamous among my party. A few years ago my wonderful DM/fiancee was running a one shot. Pretty standard dungeon crawl stuff. Everything was chill, until we entered a room totally filled with floor to ceilling towers of spinning blades impossible to pass through without pretty tough dex checks. We asked our DM many questions, like how we might disable the blades, if we could destory them, and most notably whether the walls of the room were climbable. We learned there was a chance of disabling the blades from the top of them and that they seemed nearly impossible to break with weapons or brute force. We were then told that the walls "didn't look climbable". If i remember correctly I even asked to do an investigation roll and was still given this same info. So, with seemingly no answers for how to defeat the blades we thought, "hey we've got 2 rogues, maybe one of us can make those dex checks". Justices, we could not. So as my lovely DM had the expression of a disappointed but loving parent to 4 small, stupid children, we all painstakingly went one by one failing dex checks, taking truly so much damage, and dying without making any notable progress. Once we were all dead she narrated our failure to help our town and the embarassment of our deaths. When we asked her how the hell we were supposed to do that she said, "You could have climbed the walls with your climbing equipment" The razzing that followed was all in good fun and we all love playing together and has led our DM to say "The walls look like you could climb them with proper equipment" on several instances we've asked anything about a room. Recently we've brought back the razzings as we've been playing more regularly, but I must ask, were we truly at fault for our deaths for not asking the follow up question "Are the walls climbable with proper equipment?" or is the razzing justified as our DM made the wild assumption that a well equipt party only wanted information about bare handed climbing?
Alec S
2024-08-19 18:46:47 +0000 UTCDear Honorable Justices and everyone's favorite plush Bailiff, Action Jake, I present to you the case of the Disagreeing DMs We were playing a 3.5 campaign and one of our fellow players was a very seasoned DM playing our archivist wizard. Nearing the conclusion of an arc, the DM had crafted an enemy with very high DC spells that incapacitate, such that we had one of those "unwinnable battle" scenes, and it resulted in the wizard being kidnapped. The wizard player went off on the DM how designing an entire encounter around capturing just his character, planned in advance, was bullshit and denied the whole group their player agency. He got heated, took a beat to grab something at the corner store, came back and everyone was fine. The capture ended up with an epic rescue arc (as planned) with his wizard actually breaking himself out of prison and meeting up with us. Still, to this day I can't figure out who was right. The DM's plan resulted in an amazing arc, but the wizard player had a point that it was a full pre-scripted outcome session with how powerful the enemy bad guy was. Esteemed justices, which DM was right?
Sammo Cando
2024-08-19 18:46:23 +0000 UTCto the honorable justices and boomer Pooh or genx stitch or hell, even the grinch. I present the case of “let me send a kid to dnd jail.” I run a club for kids at my local school and have a real spicy one, let’s call them for no reason, jake. They have the following charges against them: -interrupting other players constantly -made fun of another player’s choice of naming convention of a weapon -trying to incite PvP -attacking npcs left and right -yelling “that’s unfair” when I assign said npcs higher ACs and better weapons -complaining I do not have maps for every encounter (I have maps for 9/10 encounters) -complained he had nothing to do when they chose not to engage with a part of the plot (I had also asked several times after that if they would like to join during a fight) -yelled at me to stop making a voice for my npc -what I think is the worst one, yells “you dnDIDNT” when I roll a nat 1 At all points I made sure to set boundaries with them, even talked to them above the game letting them know their decisions were interfering with the game’s fun, made sure to circle back to any players they interrupted or cut Jake off to let the other player finish, and any players affected by them were okay or still having fun. Jake has thankfully been removed from the club and now it is a much more fun environment. Unthankfully, I told my friends the “dnDIDNT” one and now they have started saying it as well. So anyway, I know they are gone and I don’t have to deal with them again. But it is a free club and technically they can sign up again. If they come to another one, can I send them to dnd jail?
Jen
2024-08-19 18:46:02 +0000 UTCTo the sagacious justices and the crapulous bailiff Jayke. I present the case of Oceans 11. A friend has recently started DMing his very first campaign. He’s been doing a great job so far – the premise is that our characters are stuck in a roguelike video game and keep dying and resetting the game as we fight our way through different “levels” which tend to be combat encounters, puzzles, or irl mini-games. Another quirk of the game is that it’s incredibly meta – he’ll outright state that we have our own player knowledge and not PC knowledge for many of the non-combat levels. For example, we’ll do mini-games of trivia on favorite nerdy subjects, Pictionary on favorite animals, etc. This case is about the blackjack encounter, where we all sit around the table and actually play blackjack to get enough money to buy magic items and save up for the next death and reset. I’m playing a rogue for the very first time (missing my spells), and there’s been very little opportunity to use the traditional rogue skillset (stealing, bluffing my way through encounters) because it’s such a combat and puzzle focused campaign. I asked to do a sleight of hand check during the blackjack game, and was told the DC was nigh-on impossible. After the session, I asked if I could do real-life sleight of hand to cheat at the game if I couldn’t roll checks in-character, and he said “yeah sure. I was waiting for you to do that, honestly.” It’s also worth noting that he’s a dealer at a casino irl so this would be a challenge. I think he maybe just thinks he’s agreed to me stealing money off the table, but I’ve figured out what unique cards he’s using, and I could buy a pack of my own. The poker chips are also pretty standard so I could bring some of my own and add them to my stack of money. I am very tempted to be the rogue I cannot be in the game. Justices – AITA if I actually go ahead and do this real life sleight of hand, or is this going too far and I should just stick to trying to swipe poker chips while he isn’t looking? My Amazon cart and I anxiously await your judgement.
thursdaysgrace
2024-08-19 18:45:52 +0000 UTCMighty & merciful justices of the court & bailiff, Hank Hogfish, I bring a case of Christmas-based tomfoolery, oppa Naddpod style. Myself & other members of the Naddpod discord played in an online Christmas-themed one-shot during the pandemic. It was in the midst of Campaign One & my Elven Druid, inspired by Moonshine, & our party found ourselves fighting a Sentient Christmas Tree in Santa's workshop. I had cast Flaming Sphere (sorry Murph) & because trees are flammable, it was highly effective. Herein lies the case. On their next turn, the tree used Ice Knife on my Druid. However, at the end of my turn, I had moved the Flaming Sphere in front of me, hoping it would be a shield from any tree-based attacks. I posited to my DM that the Ice Knife spell wouldn't work bc the ice would melt as it passed through the flames but my DM said the tree had just been burnt by the orb & would know to cast the spell in a way that avoided the fiery orb and that the spell isn't actually Ice, just a spell flavored as Ice. Judges, did my Druid pull a Zirk before Zirk existed or did my DM just want his Sentient Tree to get a few swings in while our party continued to be attacked by living Gingerbread Men & Krampus, kidnapper of Santa Claus himself? I humbly await your judgment & also shoutout to DM Nemo & our amazing crew of Naddpoles who came together during a difficult season & brought the joy of D&D to one another with Christmas shenanigans.
Krysha Syrin
2024-08-19 18:44:48 +0000 UTCThe Ice Age Meltdown: To the esteemed arbiters of arcane wisdom in Dungeon Court, I humbly beseech you judgment. To the vigilant Bailiff Jim—I begrudgingly acknowledge your presence. I bring before you the case of the Ice Age Meltdown. I’ve been virtually DMing for a group of lifelong friends for a year, and when a player is absent, we switch to Call of Cthulhu. Recently, I prepped a one-shot set in the Paleolithic Age, eager for a serious horror game with early hominids. However, the group chat was immediately flooded with comments about the 2002 movie, Ice Age. Such as "I want to be the squirrel" and "I need to work on my Ray Romano accent." I laughed it off the first 3 times, hoping they would run out of steam. They didn't. The night before we were set to play, I sent out the list of pre-generated characters. One of my players made the joke again and stated that his character would speak with a Ray Romano accent. I finally had enough and messaged the chat, politely asking if we could try to preserve the intended tone of the scenario. This was met with overall understanding from the group, except for the one player set on doing the voice. The next morning, I found he had messaged the group saying my "constant need to control the game and nitpick [them] *astounded* [him]," and "who cares if [they] do a stupid joke?" and "we play these games to roleplay, so let us have fun, another run around in [my] controller little scenarios" because "that's not what [he's] giving up his Fridays for." Then finally addressing the group "Guys, imagine any DM asking this of players." I was shocked. I never push back on the silliness in our DnD campaign and I've all but bent over backwards to find ways to accommodate this players' mechanic-breaking antics. I responded that perhaps our play styles are too different and that neither of us should have to play in a game we don't think is fun. Judges, I was under the impression that it was not crazy for a GM to ask players to try to help preserve a specific tone. Was this a reasonable request or should I have let the players meme on me and my prep work for four hours and just learned to love Raymond?
Dirty_Dave
2024-08-19 18:44:32 +0000 UTCTo the church of Dice Christ, I make this confession: while DMing a noir flavored campaign I created a plasmoid NPC to fit the trope of the wisecracking kid. The party brought them, the plasmoid, into combat way before I was expecting them to, before I had even made a stat block. I improvised a couple of abilities and I figured that it made sense for a living SCOBY to have the acid splash cantrip. However, since I didn't have the stat block, every turn our smart mouthed blob got, they had different stats. Sometimes their spell save was DC 18, sometimes DC 12. I didn't decide which ability they would use for spellcasting. I'm still not sure how many hit points I gave them. I did the best I could on the fly, but I ended up creating a very confusing encounter. I humbly beg forgiveness of Dice Christ and ask for penance.
Rob Hammel
2024-08-19 18:43:24 +0000 UTCTo the venerable Justices and Bailiff Lake (or was that his dog?), I bring to you the case of the Ring of the Grammarian. May it please the court and not peeve Murph too badly. In my first long-term campaign, my DM gave our party the Ring of the Grammarian, an item that lets you change one letter in a spell title. We used it several times, my favorite being turning "Chromatic Orb" into "Chromatic Orc" and summoning a lightning orc to aid us in battle. Later in the adventure, we encountered a village of children who turned out to be all werewolves because of a curse. One of the children was dying, and my Paladin/Sorcerer proposed what I still think was a genius solution - using the Ring to transition "Cure Wounds" into "Cure Hounds" to remove the lycanthropy from the child. My DM ruled that this wouldn't work to cure the child (he also said we couldn't do actual brain surgery, but that's another story), so we had to find another solution. We eventually did save the town and ended up recruiting several of the kids to be a sailing crew, so all ultimately ended well. I ask you Justices, should my swift and snappy wordplay have been rewarded? The results of the Ring are of course up to the DM, so I acquiesced, but I'm still a little salty that I couldn't cure that child's hound-based ailment with my wit. I humbly await your ruling.
Emily R
2024-08-19 18:43:13 +0000 UTCGreetings. I would like to address the highest of choirs in our humble yet righteous church of Dice Christ and the sometimes hotty hunk sometimes piss boy, Jacques. I became the forever DM during covid with my wife and two brothers. It was my first time DM'ing and everyone was patient as I learned the role. Having a good time was always the priority during sessions and I ended up handing out some pretty powerful magic items with the idea that the party would spread them around. They always ended up giving the items to one character and made him an unstoppable tank. While I would try and find ways around this (ie. separating him from the others) it became clear that I had to come up with a solution. A friend recommended having the items stolen. It seemed too anti climactic so I created an arc where the character's family was in danger and he needed to save them, the goal of having him choose between his family and his horde of magical items. It worked! In the big moment where his sister's life was in danger he gave up all his belongings to ensure her safety. He wasn't very happy with this outcome even though I teased he may find the people who took the items later (my plan being to bring them back when the party was higher level). That brother ended up quitting DnD after that campaign fizzled out saying he just didn't have time for it and didn't have much interest anymore. Years later my other brother told me that having his items taken was what caused him to leave our game, saying it was a poor ending for that particular arc that I would punish the player for doing the right thing. I was shaken, not realizing how hard my brother had taken the loss of these items. I beseech ye, oh mighty vessels of the word of Dice Christ. What should I have done and what can I do, if anything, now? PS. It's not like my brother hates me, we get along quite well still.
Scott
2024-08-19 18:43:05 +0000 UTCHello guys, girl, and goop, today I present you the case of the raging wiener. I dm’d for the very first time for of a table of first time players that consisted of my dad, uncle, and my older and younger brothers. I wanted this to be a really fun one shot where they had a lot of freedom with the flavor of their characters. My dad and younger brother needed some convincing to join as they had previously made fun of me for playing dnd early this year, so I wanted this experience to be special to show them how fun the game could be. My dad played a Minotaur matador that thought he was an elf. And my younger brother played a ranger that show sausages that turned whoever they killed into sausages. My older brother just played a normal dude named Mike the wizard and just kinda rolled really bad up and kinda sucked to whole time. They all had fun banter going back and forth about how bad Mike was rolling up until Mike found 3 health potions in the dungeon and decided to keep them from the other two to get back at them a little. Then in the final fight against a beefy skeleton and his crew, Mike was able to roll really well and do some big damage against king Skelly and those caught in the crossfire. In both occasions the big Skeleton passed his saved while my dad and younger brother both failed theirs. Mike knocked them both and had to end up using his hidden potions to bring them back up. This lead to a little scuffle after the fight where the other two asked if they could kill and rob Mike of all of his possessions, as a first time dm and it being the end of the one shot, I figured why not. My little brother killed Mike with his wiener bow and turned him into a tasty hot dog. It was a fun fight but I couldn’t help wonder if my older brother was a little mad that I let his wizards story end with him getting turned into a wiener! Judges and goop guy, was I wrong in allowing this pvp scuffle to get to the point of death and subsequent glizzy transformation? Or should I have told my bloodthirsty little brother that he should just be happy Mike shared the health potions with him and count his losses? I patiently await your judgment and hope you allow me to dm again.
kyle crim
2024-08-19 18:43:04 +0000 UTCTo the Honorable Justices Murphy, Axeford, Tanner, and that guy.. Hurwitz something. I've been playing with my DM since 2019, and we've built a great group that's closer than family. We recently started a new murder mystery campaign on an airship in the same setting we always play, and one player chose to play an inquisitor for the ‘Divine Hand,’ an aggressively anti-magic religious group that we have collectively hated in every other campaign. Another player brought back her first character, who despises the Divine Hand, and my character is a part of an order we created in campaign 1, dedicated to keeping gods and extra-planar entities from influencing material plane. Of course we made it work, even if we weren’t best friends the idea of an inquisitor on an airship murder mystery is rad. The issue arose when our inquisitor went to the slums of a city we stopped in for re-supply. While we were silent he spent over two hours debating with the DM on how to secretly help the poor. Eventually, he revealed his plan to cast Create Food and Water in private. I mildly snapped, pointing out that the poor aren’t stupid—they know spells exist… and Create Food and Water is just bland food. To stir things up, I had my character toss 200 gold pieces into the crowd, shouting, ‘For booze and drugs or whatever you want.’ To my surprise, the crowd quietly picked up the gold while bland food and water were distributed. Was I wrong to try to cause a commotion? Should I have spoken up earlier? One of our new players quit after this session, but otherwise, we've had a ton of fun with our characters. After that experience my character and the inquisitor constantly argue, and we both love it. The dynamic is perfect.
Olbyack
2024-08-19 18:42:26 +0000 UTCDear high judges and Jason from accounting, I present you the case of "the Jawa Incident" Some years ago, we began playing Star Wars ttrpg with some friends; we were all new, but I became the GM because it was my idea to play. In our first session, the wookie ranger found a couple of jawas in the backroom of her store, and here is when things started to go south. Because of some anxiety, the tense moment and some wild Wild Rolls (nat1 and nat2 intimidation and nat19 and nat20 on attacks), all the jawas died in two rounds and here I panicked. This wasn't a fight encounter; they were the ones to give them their first mission, and I didn't know what to do, so when the half-human soldier got a Nat20 investigation (WILDS ROLLS), I told them everything. The jawas were a married couple that escaped an illegal slave ring, leaving their kids behind, and were looking for some people to help them. In the end, the players saved the slaves and destroyed the bad guys, but the party was traumatized, especially the ranger and to this day, the "jawa incident" is part of an obscure part of our real lives. So I ask: Could I've done something different? Or was I correct in respecting the rolls?
Fabrizio Moreno
2024-08-19 18:39:52 +0000 UTCHello brat summer justices and demure and mindful bailiff Jake, I bring to you the case of the stone lamp. This happened in my first ever dnd game but still weighs on my mind heavily. The party consisted of my cleric (1st time player), our rogue (1st time player), our artificer (experienced player), and our first time dm. We needed an item from a royal treasury and instead of 1) asking for it or 2) using our rogue’s abilities to steal it, the artificer suggested we trojan horse it. He suggested that I use meld to stone and then he would cast stone shape to make me into a fancy lamp for us to gift to the royals. Specifically a lamp. The lamp would then be put in the treasury and I could steal our item. I argued you can’t back door your way into true polymorph and he said RAW there’s no reason it shouldn’t work. We argued for a real life hour until the session ended. He relented the beginning of the next session and said we could sneak in. During this argument the dm and the rogue said nothing. Literally nothing. Not a peep. Tell me justices, should I have just let my cleric be a lamp or was I right to defend the sanctity of a 9th level spell?
Shan
2024-08-19 18:38:54 +0000 UTCMay it please the highly honorable court, and was it Jape the ignoble bailiff? This story took place around and shortly after the COVID lockdowns. I had moved to a new city six months before March 2020 and found a group to play with at a game store, where we started the Avernus campaign. The DM was pretty good, and it was truly a godsend once the lockdowns started, as we continued online and finished the campaign. Afterward, I wanted to DM, so I launched an Eberron campaign. I really dug into writing for the players and creating my own version of the setting. One of the players wasn't having fun with the character they had created and privately asked if she could retire her character and play a new one. We came up with a way to wrap up her Warforged character’s story arc and introduced a more nuanced sleuth character that fit her playstyle better. I thought this was a great idea and was glad the player was invested in the story. This was her first time playing D&D so I wanted her to have a good experience. However, the former DM absolutely lost his cool. He started interrogating the player who chose another character, to the point that she started tearing up at the table. I told him to back off, reminding him that her character was her own business. He told me to "shut up" and continued his inquisition. I ended the session early that night and asked him to leave, then made sure my other players were okay. I talked to him later and his reasoning for getting aggressive was that he needed to know the "party composition" and that this change disrupted how he was going to play his character (who, by the way, wasn’t a sleuth type). That was the last night we all played together. I asked him to apologize to the player he had bullied, and we could consider playing again, but he refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing. My question is, did he have a point, though? Obviously, he went about it the wrong way, but should a player who isn't having fun and wants a new character have to get that approved by anyone other than the DM?
Tristan Wall
2024-08-19 18:38:43 +0000 UTCTo the venerable justices: My players got in a little over their heads exploring a cave system, but some helpful NPCs had stayed outside waiting for their return. The party called out for their comrades, but I said that they had traveled too far into the twisting cave tunnels for their cries to reach their help outside. The group decided to send the fairy party member out to get the NPCs, and the wizard decided to cast Fly in order to increase their flying speed. The wizard didn't have haste stocked. Not wanting to delay the session but also introduce a broken mechanic of stacking Fly on flyin, we decided that the fairy's fly speed could increase but they would have disadvantage on dexterity checks, reasoning repositioning themselves in the air would be difficult to control. They agreed, and the quick thinking lead to the party's eventually success. Judges, did I overstep in my decision making? Should these two mechanics stacked on top of each other, or did I impose a punishment that was unnecessary? I humbly await your judgment. Oh hey Jake, have you been here this whole time?
Leavell Wall
2024-08-19 18:37:49 +0000 UTCTo the splendiferous Judges and Baliff Papa John! I present the case of the uncontestable check. Playing a game with a couple friends and a DM we had found online that we didn't know. Our party took a job from a shady fellow to get a valuable item from the back room of a casino. My plasmoid circle of stars druid eventually got to the back rooms alone and found the item we needed. But I was attacked by the shady fellow we had taken the job from. I got hit with a bunch of damage from a throwing knife so I retreated with the item and Misty stepped under the door back to my friends. As the DM allowed me to do this he rolled a Sleight of Hand check at the same time and got a Nat 20, he exclaimed that I Misty Step and appear by my friends but the item I had was gone. I didn't know how he was able to take it in the first place being at a distance when he attacked, but I said since I had it directly in my hands that it should have been a contested roll. I would also have to roll a Nat 20 but the DM didn't let me try. Later on in the session, (because we roll digital dice on Roll20) I could see the Sleight of Hand modifier for the shady fellow was a +20. I was a level 6 character so I had no chance of beating it regardless. Was I roped into an unwinnable situation facing a +20 Sleight of Hand or was Dice Christ against me by giving the DM a Nat 20 anyways?
Austin
2024-08-19 18:37:35 +0000 UTCP.S. the campaign's final plot twist was that we had been wrong about the evil prophecy, and because "we had killed" almost all the cultists (despite the fact that i was never allowed to ice a single one), we were responsible for the near apocalypse. It was averted by having some NPCs take the final cultist into custody in a cutscene.
Tori
2024-08-19 18:37:34 +0000 UTCDear honorable crit justices and bailiff Jonk. I present to you the case of the Party of Theseus. I was finally DM'ing an in person campaign after Covid and had 5 players, who we will call 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. It was a classic meet in a tavern start, in a western campaign. After the first 2-3 sessions, scheduling issues saw player 1 drop out, but was replaced with a new player, 6. Then a little later, player 2 moved to another state, and two new players joined, call them 7 and 8. Finally, player 3 also moved, and was to be replaced by player 9. The issue with this, was that each replacement player was shoehorned in their character creation as they were filling a void that was left by the departing player's party role. As player 9 was looking to join, I pointed out that we were now going to be 2/3's replacements, and that it probably made more sense to start a new campaign. Unfortunately, player 4 was incensed at this, as he really liked his original character and the original setting, and stated he wouldn't keep playing if we migrated. Ultimately, we made a new campaign where players 5-9 all made new characters and it's going great, but I still wonder about whether or not he had a point, given that he had dutifully stayed as a constant in the campaign as players shifted all around him, only to be outvoted by newcomers. I humbly await your judgement.
Sammo Cando
2024-08-19 18:37:18 +0000 UTCConfession: Dear Clergy of the Church of Critianity, Long have I been blessed by Dice Christ with a disproportionate number of natural 1s and 20s. I adore crit failures too because they offer me the opportunity to narrate my failures in often hilarious ways. It is this desire that lead me down the path of darkness. In my campaign, my character make a roll to impress what I thought was a throwaway NPC. I rolled a 9, but in my desire to create a moment, I called out a natural 20. This NPC is now a beloved traveling companion and we have a special story arc developing. However, I do not deserve this. I betrayed Dice Christ, my DM and myself. Every time I see this character, there is a part of me that is reminded that this character's arc is a lie. What is worse is that Dice Christ refuses to punish me, blessing me with the same luck I always had. Though I do not have room to ask, I throw myself at your mercy and request that you punish me. Though Dice Christ forgives, I cannot. -The Repentant
Xweazel
2024-08-19 18:36:47 +0000 UTCTo Bailiff Jake, my beloved, whose love I can only pine for from across the vastness of the internet, and to whomever else may be listening when you read this. I present to you the Case of the Unexpected Exploding Student I joined an already ongoing campaign which was less high fantasy and more urban fantasy in a New York setting like Unsleeping City! Our characters were all teenagers, balancing the hidden magic world and also the mundane threats of high school. One such threat was a school bully the party had been pulling magical pranks on since before I joined. The school principal stepped in and said their antics would soon awaken the bully to the magic world, which was apparently very dangerous. My character and one other party member were instructed to take care of that situation. So my plan was as such: bring the bully to an empty park and expose as much magic to him as possible to forcefully awaken him. I figured it was best to have a controlled awakening away from any by standards. It turns out, this isn’t what the DM meant at all. The exact opposite in fact. The bully let out a massive explosion that knocked him out, shooting a beam of bright light into the sky for all of New York to see, and nearly killed us. The DM then said the magic police would be there soon to arrest us. Acting fast, we hijacked a car, stuffed the now unconscious bully in the back, engaged in an intense car chase / magical fire fight with the cops, caused a few civilian deaths, and then evaded capture by going into the sewers. It was a great session! However, the DM said that our actions would have such huge consequences that the campaign had to be ended then and there. Despite our escape, the principal and our characters would be arrested. We started another campaign up in LA shortly after. I ask for you my darling Bailiff, and whoever else is around, was I wrong to awaken the bully? Should I have known that’d result in such chaos? Should I have understood that the DM meant make sure he doesn’t awaken? I await your ruling with bated breath.
Eloquent Ape
2024-08-19 18:36:34 +0000 UTCTo the noble, wise Justices and Jake the Snake Roberts, i present you the case of homebrew mayham. Since I am a perma DM, I jumped at the opportunity to finally play again when a friend of a friend mentioned that they need a 5th party member for their Descent into Avernus campaign. At my first session, when I met the other players and their characters, I noticed that all of them (apart from me) were playing homebrew classes that one of the players and the DM had done themselves. It was a bit strange, especially since the player that made the classes gave the most overpowered one to himself (he finishes most combat solo while we others are blocked from the fight) but i was determined to make this work somehow. Then, two sessions later, after finding out about several strange homebrew rules that they used, i learned of the most important rule at the table: Outside of combat, there were no crits. The DM narrated nat 1s almost like critical fails, but nat 20s? Nothing. On my question, why that was implemented, they told me it was because years ago, a player crit on a persuation against another player, and after that the roleplay got "toxic". Those players from back then haven't been with the group since that incident. Esteemed Judges, am I right to be annoyed with the overuse of homebrewing at this table? I await your judgement.
Snow
2024-08-19 18:36:04 +0000 UTCTo the Gex-y Little Lizards, and the guy who wasn't there for those episodes, I come asking for a decision on the case of "The Beer is Six". Having Called your Crits and rolled your two's, I seek your counsel in a small insubstantial argument with my Tabletop Family. I have a set of dice that came from a board game about Dwarves and rolling dice on a mountain. These dice are d6's, with the only difference being that they go from 1-5 and then the last side has a beer flagon on it. I was thinking of adding some these d6's to my dice pool for D&D. As we were discussing them, I noted out loud that "The beer is the 6" which had my brother remark that "It doesn't have to be." Followed was a heated discussion about why the beer icon on these d6's are a stand in for the '6'. My brother, who is our DM, is sure they could stand for a zero. It got to a point where even my wife jumped to his side, and his wife came to mine. I understand this can be some top-level razzing, and I shouldn't care as much as I do, but Justices I can not fathom the argument that the the sixth side of a dice could be anything but the 6. Have I fallen for the Raz, or should I face the fact that it is construct of our own expectations to think there would be a six in place of these beers on these particular cube rollers? (As I wrote this, I asked my wife for what their propelling argument is, and I still can not fathom that it is just "It could be zero".)
DisClever
2024-08-19 18:36:03 +0000 UTCTo the luminous justices and dusty little bailiff Jake, I bring to you the Case of the Bad Introduction. I went to my local game store for “Beginner’s DnD Night,” in order to try and meet some new friends and since as a forever DM, I don’t get many opportunities to play. The table I was assigned had the DM, me, and three teens who were literally chatting about retaking the SAT. Two of them had never played, and were excited if a little nervous. The DM explained that this adventure was a “follow-up” to a years-long campaign he’d just finished DMing. I was wary, but just helped the teens finish making their characters so we could begin; the DM was cagey about his worldbuilding and provided no tips. Justices, this one-shot for beginners was anything but. From puzzles requiring knowing specific breath weapons for chromatic, metallic, AND gem dragons, to a series of challenges whose only hints were references to a campaign none of the rest of us were in, none of this was designed to showcase how fun the game could be. After a 20-minute straight conversation with himself as “beloved” characters from his prior campaign, we finally got to the room with macguffin and realized that none of us had asked what it was we were looking for. The DM called for history checks from the group. I rolled a 19, and one of the teens rolled a Nat 20. The DM’s answer was “none of you asked what it was, so you don’t know.” We did not find the macguffin, and instead saved some random NPC’s boyfriend. Justices: should I let the game store know what happened? They set these events up to help people fall in love with this game, and while I made sure to let the teens know I enjoyed playing with them, the DM made it one of the worst sessions I’ve ever been a part of. Or should I mind my business and hope the teens come back another time?
SRH
2024-08-19 18:35:58 +0000 UTCMay it please the judges, and ja I was playing as something of a hotheaded shonen (ask Caldwell for translator note) aarakocra swashbuckler rogue in a Curse of Strahd campaign, along with a good friend of 10+ years and a DM who I’d also been friends with for some time. In this campaign, our most cherished possession was a porcelain garden gnome named Charles, who was cursed in such a way that he could ONLY be referred to as Charles. He was the party’s surrogate child. Our Pawpaw. One day, while taking Charles to a toymaker for a fashion update, we realized that we were able to refer to him as ‘the gnome'. This was clearly not our Charles. Someone had stolen him from us and replaced him with an imposter. It did not take long for us to sus out that our party member, played by my good friend of a decade, had been coerced by the BBEG into stealing Charles in exchange for a flute that could summon a rope made of rats. I pressed my friend, asking him why he would do such a thing, and if he would do it again. He said, ‘because I wanted the rat rope,’ and, ‘in a heartbeat'. Thus, my hotheaded bird swooped his ass. I was under the impression that this was obviously a slap fight that wouldn't result in actual player death, just development between two characters as they fought their frustrations out. However, the dm was clearly unhappy with this development, and even went as far as to message other players at the table to tell them not to engage in PVP, but not my friend and I. Instead, the party became oddly uncomfortable, despite the two people engaging in the PVP obviously being completely fine with it. Two people slapping each other wasnt exactly a massive time sink, either. At the end of the campaign many sessions later, the DM still said ‘i had a great time running this for you… except for the PVP drama.’ Judges, am I wrong for having a fight with a friend who conspired with and stole for the BBEG? Is it right for a DM to manufacture drama and then blame the players for the fallout? Or am I truly bird brained??
John S
2024-08-19 18:35:49 +0000 UTCThe case of main character syndrome and the burned down town To the honorable and magnanimous justices and the Jonas Bailiff, and may it please the court. I come to you today not as a plaintiff myself, but rather as the representation on behalf of a client: my little sister Hannah. I believe my client has fallen victim to the most erroneous of D&D storytelling: main character syndrome. When my sister started with this group, she was the only person that hadn’t already been a played a campaign with them. They had just switched to a different dm in the group, so it seemed like the perfect time for new players. Wrong. Immediately the DM starts referencing npcs from an old campaign. A few sessions in, the DM and another player (you guessed it, a paladin), continuously teased the group chat that something big was coming. The paladin is killed by the bbeg, and the player presents their new druid— an old one. From the last campaign. That’s a way higher level than everyone else. Not only that, but this Druid has almost every magic item that they had in the previous campaign. Just as this storyline is ramping up and presenting a main character to the campaign, the dm drops the campaign for college. Here is where the unforgivable sin transpires: the new DM vows to continue playing in the world that this group has apparently been playing in forever. When they next gather, he announces that they’re all rolling new characters. My sister, being attached to her bard, asks why and he unceremoniously says, “the town you were in burned down. It was burned down by the Druid’s nemesis from the campaign you weren’t in, and the druid is the only one that survived.” All but one PC were killed off screen. Everyone else seemed fine with this, so long as it served the Druid’s story. So justices, I ask you today am I insane? Should there be main character’s in D&D? Is it fair to drag someone into it only to have their character be killed senselessly? The prosecution rests.
Maggie
2024-08-19 18:35:39 +0000 UTCTo the honorable justices and I guess also Murph’s DMPC “Jaek.” I present to you the case of the Difficult Druid and the Bleeding Bard. My partner and I have been in a campaign for over three years with four level 8 PCs: a wizard, a monk, a druid, and me, a bard. I should say up top that we are all great friends and there is no bad blood here. Anyway, our dragonborn druid refuses to wild shape, and instead hangs back to use her acid breath or the spell Wind Wall in every situation. ONLY Wind Wall, every time. Of course, the wizard stays out of melee range and the monk moves out of range each turn, leaving me, the bard, as the easy target. To encourage the druid to wild shape, the DM created a home-brew ability for her to wild shape into a young dragon, which the druid has only used once since getting it two years ago. As the only PC up in the mix, I get absolutely rocked. The wizard sometimes takes hits so I don’t have to, and the monk has stopped using evasion. To add insult to injury, we all watched the DND movie together and when the druid in the movie wild shaped, our druid said, “that’s so cool, I wish we had someone in our party who can do that,” to which I responded, “you can turn into a fucking bear.” I prostrate myself before the court and ask if we should get over our tank not tanking or if we should trap our tank in a wild shape a la Tobias from Animorphs. P.S. don’t play, hate the show
Ashen
2024-08-19 18:35:18 +0000 UTCMay it please the most glorious and shining bailiff, without whom this court would fall to chaos, and I guess the little L’s on the bench can weigh in too, I present the case of the horny girlfriend For the past few years I have DM a campaign for my girlfriend (we met thanks to Naddpod pins) and a group of our friends. Over the course of it there have been a few romantic moments between PCs and NPCs and I will engage in some awkward flirting with my friends, usually in an overdone falsetto. My girlfriend however has recently begun to really get into it, flirting with almost everyone they encounter, which consequently means flirting with me. I didn’t realize how often it was happening until my other friends said “this isn’t the kind of roleplay we had in mind” and that we should get a room and “roll dice, not in the hay.” The flirting is not raunchy and I don’t say anything that I wouldn’t also say to my friends so I am a little confused. I humbly ask the justices and Bailiff John if my girlfriend needs to take a vow of chastity or if my friends are being prudes.
Kevin C
2024-08-19 18:35:06 +0000 UTCTo the high priests of dice Christ, I have come to be judged for my sin of the gluttonous D8. About 2 years into a homebrew campaign I DM, the party was delving deep beneath a manor occupied by a cult that worshipped a forgotten god of gluttony. The cult leader, a homebrewed shadow/avatar of the god of gluttony, had been the BBEG since the beginning of the campaign. Upon rescuing the mentor from the cult, the party came face to face with the BBEG and decided to try to escape by running up the thousands of steps that went from the manor's dungeon to the manor basement. Due to the ascent being so long, I had the party roll constitution checks to determine if anyone would fall behind. The monk rolled a nat 1. Once they reached the top of the stairs I determined the BBEG was finally close enough to the monk to attack... and this is where I fear I have sinned. Upon hitting the monk I decided, that since there had been so much build up to this moment with the BBEG, I would toss an extra saucy d8 on the damage roll for dramatic affect. Low and behold, with the extra d8 I rolled exactly the monks HP, downing him. *Cue rivers of DM sweat* Luckily, the cleric saved the day with a healing word + dash action combo while leading the BBEG away, and the party later killed the BBEG at the conclusion of the arc. Did I succumb to the sin of DM gluttony when I let myself lick the saucy D8? Or was I merely playing up the moment, and leaning into the theme of a BBEG that had my players shitting bricks for years? I await your holy absolution or punishment.
Adam G
2024-08-19 18:34:41 +0000 UTCMay it please the court (specifically the judges nothing but swine flu and sadness for the baby bailiff) I present the case of the frequent mistakes. one of my longtime players got upset when I asked to see her character sheet to check for mistakes as most of her new characters have had mistakes that make her characters more powerful. She was upset and refused. Later in the session her barbarian was making 5 attacks a round and when I checked the rules it was supposed to be 3. Was I wrong to preemptively check her sheet for mistakes based on the 4+ other instances of something similar or was she right to be upset that "I didn't trust her to make her character properly" I await your judgement
christien
2024-08-19 18:33:49 +0000 UTCTo the morally incorruptible judges, and enlightened bailiff Jonk, Today, I present you with the case of the ruined pants. I ran a session where the PCs were ambushed by a group of assassins. The assassins were looking for something the party had, and so were trying to capture them whenever possible. At one point in the fight, the bard of the group found themselves restrained and held hostage, as a way to leverage the rest of the party to surrender. On the bard’s turn, the player had the idea to pretend to die in the hopes that the assassin would walk away, which I admit is not a terrible plan. The part where I objected is that to sell it, the bard described falling to the ground and shitting their pants in order to prove that they well and truly died. I initially said no, but then the entire table yelled at me and basically bullied me into letting the bard make a performance check to convince the assassin that they had kicked the bucket. I set the DC at 25, and judges…..the bard passed. I then had to narrate their plan working and we moved on from there. But, to this day, I still feel like the plan was too cartoonish to work, even though all my players still swear up and down that it was an incredibly logical move. Judges, who was right in this situation, the scatalitious players or the uptight DM? I humbly await your verdict. P.S. The bard player in question was my then fiancé, and now wife.
Sean Graham
2024-08-19 18:33:45 +0000 UTCI present the case of the Game Show of the Floating Lich! Honored justices Murphy, Axford, Tanner, any potential guest justices, and our estimable Bailiff Jank Howitzer, thank you for your time. My players recently faced an undead lich guarding the sarcophagus of a dead god, whose heart my players needed to get to stymie the BBEG from retrieving it for their own purposes. The lich told them they would have little to no luck unsealing the god's sarcophagus, as he'd been attempting the very same for nearly 2000 years. Instead, in his boredom, he engaged them in a game-show style trivia competition I had setup to get the players back into the groove of the campaign. We hadn’t played in months because life is busy, so I wanted to have them actively remember lore and backstory, and thought a trivia gameshow was a fun way to force them to read their damn notes. The players ended up winning some loot, using skill checks and abilities to communicate info to each other for questions that were harder for some players than others, and the lich bid them good luck exploring the tomb. confident they would be unsuccessful. The players found the sarcophagus and were quick to discover with incredibly high investigation and perception checks totaling 30+ (damn reliable talent and bardic inspos) the presence of a pressure plate that, when stepped on, unsealed the casket. The players did so, retrieved the shard of a divine heart, and were confronted by the infuriated lich, who confronted the players and attempted to take the heart for himself. This turned into a fight that my players managed to win. My players began asking how and why the lich had failed to unseal the divine sarcophagus in 2,000 years of investigating it, and I realized I had no good explanation. In all honesty, I didn't have a mechanic for why the lich hadn't stolen the heart, or how the sarcophagus was sealed, I just wanted to run a game show and improvised the rest around that once I had the players in the setting and interacting with things. Then it hit me, he’s a lich, he floats! He never deigned to walk as a lesser mortal would, for 2 millennia he floated over it. My players flipped shit. One player in particular complained that I was destroying their immersion and their suspension of disbelief, and I know it's a stretch, but what do you all think? Do I need to more carefully craft layers of intrigue and puzzle to explain why their enemies are stymied where they succeed? Am I in danger of copyright infringement if I start a show called Yet Another D&D Godcast (a hyper-Christian version of NADDPOD Campaign 1 yes exactly)? Will Jill and Tucker ever tell Jake about their third, Emil? As I look forward to these answers, I also humbly await the judgement of this esteemed crit.
Muqtadaa Miandara
2024-08-19 18:33:33 +0000 UTCDear (insert adjective here) bailiff and (insert cooler, sexier adjective here) judges- I recently completed a five-year-long campaign with some college friends. As we were gearing up for the final battle, our DM asked for a little time off to prepare, so I agreed to run a few short sessions in the meantime. Our usual DM had never been a player before, so she asked me for some help coming up with a PC concept for the mini-arc. She came over to my house, opened up her laptop, and showed me her DNDBeyond. Judges, she had HUNDREDS of character sheets. As she scrolled through, I realized that every single enemy and NPC we had encountered over the last five years had been a fully-statted PC character sheet. Every bartender, every goon, every character from our backstories. I also happened to see the name of the BBEG listed there— a level 19 wizard. Judges: I said nothing. I helped my friend come up with a PC concept, we had a great time playing, and then the final battle came along. The level 19 wizard did not stand a chance against a party of six, level 18 adventurers. We defeated him in two rounds and took no damage. It was the most anticlimactic fight we’ve ever had. Was I wrong to stay silent when I saw my friend apparently didn’t know what NPC stat blocks were? Or would saying something have been backseat DMing? This group still plays together, albeit with me as the DM, and to this day I wonder if I was the cause for the letdown of the entire campaign. I await your judgement.
Sara L.
2024-08-19 18:33:18 +0000 UTCTo the Venerated Dice Elders, and the Acololyte that "Always wakes up with a solid 9", I present my confession, which stems from a powerful moment in a late-campaign fight. We were up against a dragon we *needed* to take down right here as part of a greater battle. We were well spaced out to avoid breath attacks, and strategy seemed to be going well. However, once we started to get it to death's door, the Dragon unleashed an Wing Attack on the fighter to knock prone as a Legendary action, and then had it's turn next, choosing to dash-fly away, leaving it 200 feet away from us total. It seemed we had no attacks that could hit in that range in a single round. A hush fell over the group as the Fighter was lamenting she had been so close to taking it down head on. Fortunately, it wasn't her turn; it was mine, and I saw an opportunity only my character could do! I was playing a Trickster Cleric / Rogue Mastermind multiclass, so first I bonus-action dashed 60 feet to put a hand on the Fighter. Then, with a Jens Lyndelle-worthy flourish, Dimension Door'd both of us onto the back of the escaping Dragon! I immediately got yeeted off by the Dragon's Legendary Action to a significant but non-lethal amount of damage, but the Fighter stood strong, got their turn, and Action-surged the Dragon into the dirt! The time I had invested into my Multi paid off in a huge way, and I can still hear the roars of the table. ...But here's the confession: Forgive me, Dice Elders, but I was *65* feet away from the Fighter. I had enough turns to sit there, plot out this epic plan, and realize I couldn't. Never the less, when it was my turn, I went with it anyway, sliding my mini across the board to the target. Normally our DM watches move distance with care and/or scorn, but I think the fact I only needed to move in a straight line concealed the slight of hand on my part. No one else at the table was any the wiser. To this day, I have to admit... I'm glad I did it. However, I acknowledge that memory comes with an asterisk, and that it looms in my brain enough that I think about it every time a Dice Christ comes up, so I figured it was time to atone. I humbly await your whomping.
Allen S
2024-08-19 18:33:07 +0000 UTCTo the Justices, and also whoever else is around, I present you the case of the missing niche. Several years ago I was part of a campaign run by one of my longtime friends. I had never played tabletop with this person before but had a fairly favorable impression, since they said they had a lot of experience DMing. Looking at the party comp, I decided to make a paladin-esque build: a physical fighter with a lot of healing spells to keep my allies and myself alive. Justices, in the entire four year campaign I was only allowed to kill one enemy, a weird little worm thing. Every other combat encounter was either specifically designed to resist my character, killed themselves in a cutscene before I could attack them, was apprehended by other NPCs in a cutscene, or wound up being a friendly NPC who would then lightly scold me for being so violent (despite the fact that many of them introduced themselves by attacking the party). I used more healing on opponents I'd just stabbed than on my party! Justices, have I been wronged? Is there room in a party for a fighter who heals? Or is it I who should be condemned for resorting to violence when attacked by evil cultists?
Tori
2024-08-19 18:32:17 +0000 UTCTo the supreme crit justices and the jubilous Balif jack. I present you the case of the exasperated dm Hello, I recently ran my first ever game a modified mines of phandelver but it never got to run the final session. The campaign started with a group of 4, after the session 0 and two postpones 3 members quit, I quickly gathered 4 more, my college friend, brother, sister, and wife. My wife quit during the new session 0 (completely understandable don't fault her at all) but after that we were able to get about 10 to 12 sessions in before schedule conflicts forced us to an early closure. However a week later my group decided let's just finish, so I remade the dungeon and the day of the final session one of my party members informed me he was over it and isn't showing up even though he agreed to finish with the group. I decided to end it there as I balanced the whole dungeon and bbeg encounter for 4 people. Was I wrong to end or was my schedule suffering enough to justify an early end to our first ever dip into dnd. I humbly await your decision.
Hunter Gerth
2024-08-19 18:32:14 +0000 UTCTo the honorable Justices and succulent Bailiff. I was the DM of a 2 year long campaign where we stopped within one or two sessions of the conclusion. My reasoning behind this was because I’d just gone through a pretty bad break-up a month or so prior, and one of my players was still good friends with my ex. Not too much of a problem, until I found out that the player had been going behind my back talking mad sh*t about me while everything was happening. Enraged by this, I cancelled our next session and never rescheduled. I made my choice, not because I wanted to be spiteful, but because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to uphold my integrity as a DM. All I could think about was intentionally targeting this player with my BBEG to take them out of the game and ruin their night. I felt like it would have been a travesty, and a terrible way to end such a great campaign, if I were to allow my feelings to control the narrative like that. Did I make the right choice? Or was it unfair to the other (innocent) players, who had no idea this was the reason we never finished the campaign? This all happened a few years ago, but it still haunts me to this day, so I lay myself at the mercy of the almighty Crit.
Timmm
2024-08-19 18:32:08 +0000 UTCJudicial stinkies and ring master of inquiries, please assist me in ruling on the anti gravity shark. I was playing in a pirate campaign a few years ago where we were fighting a crew in a flooded building - not fully submerged, but water was running through the building about a foot deep. I ran up the stairs to avoid the sharks in the flooded bottom floor and the DM ruled that because there was water on the ground that the large yellow shark (piss shark) was able to “swim” up the wet staircase to attack me. I argued that the water was running down the stairs and was not deep enough to accommodate this big ass shark but he ruled that since the stairs were wet the shark could swim against gravity and hop up the stairs to chomp me. Was my DM right in granting this shark anti gravity powers, or should my escape to elevation have kept me safe from the piss shark?
Savannah Myers-Gaines
2024-08-19 18:31:43 +0000 UTCTo the esteemed judges and Jay, the guy who holds stuff. I have the unfortunateness of having a robbed Nat 20 and I am looking for validation. The scene? Fighting Tiamat in an epic finale of Tyranny of Dragons, the most unbalance module about. My grave cleric has just 1-2 punched with the storm sorcerer tempest for a nearly 300 hp hit. (Nat 20 plus abilities). What felt like in spite, Tiamat then “targeted” my grave cleric with her breath weapons. Hoping for the best - with an uproar around the table I rolled another Nat 20. Only to be told that her save was 25 - unreachable with a clerics +2 Dex making it moot to even roll to start with. Justices, I ask. Was my grave cleric robbed of taking half damage with a natural 20? Or was it right for the DM to take out the heaviest hitter on the field? The total damage of the breath weapon was indeed enough to kill outright however the half damage would have permitted my PC to make saving throws. The party is still mostly intact and playing other modules and while the DM and I have mostly moved on, it remains something stuck in the back of my head lingering.
Georgie Grey
2024-08-19 18:31:35 +0000 UTCTo the esteemed justices and my lowly homie, Jake, I present the case of the killed backstory. For context, my character is a draconic sorcerer with a single level in warlock. My character's backstory is that he was once a prince and had to flee after his warlock patron caused him to explode, nearly killing his father. Over the course of the campaign, it was revealed that his patron is Garyx, a red dragon god who cursed his family and is why they are still in power. With a very slow burn of over a year and a half campaign, Garyx has become more and more of a problem, even possessing my character at one point. When he finally found his way to the material plane, however, he was almost instantly taken down by a different dragon that another party member convinced to help us. By the time we got there, Garyx had 1hp and the rest of the party were insistent on killing him, despite my protests. I ended up killing my personal bbeg with a cantrip. Am I wrong for being upset by this, or was I wronged here? I humbly await your judgement
Lordkanik
2024-08-19 18:31:29 +0000 UTCThe Case of the Dull Dungeon Crawl DM To the honorable justices Axford, Tanner, and Murphy and the however many lowlys seem appropriate, Bailiff Jake I present the case of the Dull Dungeon Crawl DM. Our long standing DnD group decided to start a new campaign to be DM’d by our friend who has stated they have had an idea for a campaign forever. We begin the campaign and all seems normal but as session progress we continue to spend basically all of our time just running through one shot modules. There is no plot to be seen nor is the DM trying to guide us at all during the modules. I was trying to be a good sport about it but we are now ten sessions in and we keep getting stuck in these modules that the DM insists we finish “the correct way” before we can move on. Not fun ones either (think retrieve tools from a cave or go through a dungeon crawl to investigate noises). Even when we ask to roll, PC’s scoring nat 20’s are given no guidance on the problem or thing they are checking against unless they ask a question with the exactly right wording. At one point I asked to use a tinker ability of my Artificer human to make a trap that would emit light when a creature tripped a wire. The DM asked me to roll to use the ability, which I did and rolled an 18. The DM then ruled that it was not exactly what that ability was for and I therefore could not use it. However I had still expended the spell slot. I have resorted to secretly googling the module for the answers mid session just so we don’t have to sit in frustrated silence anymore. Am I wrong for wanting to say something to the DM? Will the DnD gods smite me for trying to help my party through these difficult modules that never seem to end? I humbly await the justices opinions to this riddle.
MaKayla O'Malley
2024-08-19 18:30:45 +0000 UTCDear judicious judges, and the bodacious bailiff Jake, The case in question occurred a few years ago pre-covid. My friend signed up to be a DM for our local Adventure’s League and I signed up to be a player in her session. This was intended to be a low level adventure (level 1-4) and upon the day of the session, she only had 3 total players in her session. However, 10 minutes before the session started, 5 more people joined at the last minute, totaling up to 8 level 1 characters in play. She accommodated the extra players well, however during the final combat of the session, we went up against an Owlbear with Legendary Actions. I understand this was due to the imbalance in action economy, however I believe Legendary Actions should be reserved for creatures of truly legendary status. No one died, so no harm no foul, but I want the authority of the court to rule on the viability of giving Legendary Actions to a creature of not Legendary status. Thank you for reading and ruling on such a cornerstone case of DnD law.
Nicholli Bernard
2024-08-19 18:30:23 +0000 UTCTo the high above all justices and the delicious jæk, I bring forth the case of the stolen snake oil potion. I am a first time DM and this was the very first session. Characters are meeting each other and the charlatan shadar kai warlock was trying to sell the other players some mysterious potions. The goblin trash druid ask if he can steal one. I figure screw it they're snake oil anyways it's not like he's stealing anything valuable. So I have the druid roll slight of hand and the warlock roll opposed slight of hand or dex saving throw whichever would be higher. They roll. I forget the rolls but the druid wins, I get some push back with the warlock that he's holding the potion right in front of himself and he shouldn't have been able to even attempt. But in my head slight of hand isn't just sneaky stealthy stuff it's how fast you can move your hands. Again I'm a first time DM and I may have been kinda ruining his characters begining by letting someone steal his item. It seemed harmless fun. Am I wrong for letting the attempt even happen I nervously await your judgement, Sincerely A DM who just wanted to try and DM for his two forever DM friends
Mario Guerra
2024-08-19 18:29:51 +0000 UTCMay it glorify the justices and horrify the bailiffs. This was over 20 years ago and i still get razzed over this. In a first session a pick pocket focused character steals the holy symbol from a bishop that was secretly the lieutenant of the bbeg and the holy symbol is what got him passed the churches defenses. Pick pocket rolls against me in front of the table he got a nat 20 got a run. The bishop turned into a Balrog. The party insisted on staying to fight. After the balrog pulled the head off the first party member I had a Solar save them resurrect the dead player and for them a new quest. Did I really screw up that badly ?
Sean
2024-08-19 18:29:38 +0000 UTCTo the honorable judges and bailiff Jeff, I submit a case of betrayal that has gone too far. My husband is DMing a murder mystery turned eldritch cult investigation in his homebrew world. The group is me, my husband, two friends, and our roommate. I was reluctant to have our roommate join for reasons that will soon become apparent. One of our friends ended up revealing himself to be part of the cult while we were interrogating someone who was about to give us all of the information we needed. I was confused at first but the friend and I took it in stride. We had been tricked. Our friend immediately relinquished control of his character to my husband. Our roommate reacted poorly. He started accusing our friend of laughing at us for being tricked and said he was making fun of us for being stupid. (Our friend did no such thing.) He was being loud (not yelling, but almost) and said he never would have joined if he thought PVP would ever be part of the campaign. He said he quit, told the other friend (the non-betrayer) to “f*** off” for not liking the way he was reacting, and went into his room and slammed the door. My husband has put his heart and soul into the campaign. He made OP magic items tailored to each character just to make our roommate happy enough with his character to take part in the campaign. His setting feels lived in and alive, and the story is very compelling. He was gutted by our roommate’s reaction. He started scouring the internet to see if he was in the wrong and ended up apologizing to our roommate because our roommate perceived the interaction as PVP. Cut to two months later. (Life gets in the way sometimes, am I right?) We just started back up and our friend who had betrayed us is sitting at the table. I knew who his replacement character was going to be and was trying to ask how to find him so that he wasn’t just sitting around. Our roommate started making comments, saying things like, “He doesn’t matter” and “He can just go home” and accused me of meta gaming for trying to find him. When the new character was introduced, our roommate’s character was outwardly hostile towards him and kept telling him to leave and go home, and was making a point to not be careful with spells and telling him to go first into dangerous situations. Judges, I ask you: am I right in wanting an apology to the whole table for this and past behavior? He never apologized for telling our other friend to “f*** off” or throwing what I called a temper tantrum, and says he’s joking now. Am I being too sensitive? I humbly await the judgment of the court.
Angie DiMaria
2024-08-19 18:29:31 +0000 UTCto the fabled justices and their filandering baliff jack, I humbly submit the case of the mini boss rush. I dm-ed a campaign for a couple of years that was based on the works of William Shakespeare. The bard himself was the bbeg manipulating the party, who were all named after Shakespeare characters, to play through monster filled versions of his plays in order to power his lich form. This all culminated in a big stand off at the globe theater, where the party faced off with a slew of mini bosses from each of the plays they had previously played through before they fought Shakespeare in lich form. The boss rush was going great as they faced down their spectral former enemies. To not make the challenge completely impossible and to keep combat moving more quickly, the higher level enemies were scaled down a touch in terms of what they could do and hit point totals. This is where the problem arose. One of the mini bosses was a former PC, (Lady Macbeth), who the player retired after she got her happy ending. The player got upset when I said that she appeared, and I tried make it clear that their character wasn’t actually here, and it was just a spectral version. This made the player feel a little bit better, until I attacked as Lady Macbeth. The player then got extremely upset that I was “playing her wrong” and that I was under powering her. I tried to explain that all of the mini bosses were scaled down but the player was still very upset that I was “doing their girl dirty” and it was a “disservice to her character”. Judges, was I in the wrong for including this character in a mini boss rush? Was I extra in the wrong for scaling her abilities down? I humbly await your judgement.
Jas Orr
2024-08-19 18:28:41 +0000 UTCDear most radiant justices and the pallid bailiff who tries desperately to sun himself in your glow. I come to you today with the Case of The Tome of Puberty. I DM a campaign where one of the players' is a Tortle cleric who is very naive. In an early session, the players foiled an assassin, a beautiful woman, who had seduced a noble so she could get him alone to murder him. The tortle player was the one to intercede on the attempt. When he found them, the noble was canoodling with the assassin who was secretly preparing to kill him. The player stopped the assassination, but was shocked and confused by the brief (and PG-13) physical intimacy he witnessed and insisted that he did not understand what was happening. Another player asked him how he had never heard of sex, and he replied that back home female tortles simply laid their eggs to later be fertilized by the males. I let this slide as I had no desire to try and verify the accuracy of his assertion. That proved to be a mistake. For the next several sessions the player continued to play his tortle as troubled and confused by what he'd witnessed and brought it up to every NPC he spoke to. I quickly grew tired of having every NPC get cornered into giving his character "the talk" and as a workaround had one give him a copy of a book called The Tome of Puberty that could explain everything. Unfortunately, my solution became the bane of my campaign as both the tortle character and the rest of the party became obsessed with the book. Before long, they would find any excuse they could to use or read it, frequently asking me to describe the contents of specific pages. This too got old so I had the errant fireball of an evil wizard tburn the book into unrecoverable ashes (they had taken the book out to show it to the wizard, believing it could help him get a girlfriend and thereby stop his pursuit of lichdom). Since destroying the book the party has become despondent and they are constantly looking for another copy. Was I wrong to have the book destroyed, or was the party wrong for turning my campaign into a high school health class? I humbly accept your decision whatever it may be.
JS
2024-08-19 18:28:14 +0000 UTCMay it please the supreme crit justices and the employed bailiff Jalk, I bring you the case of Melted Wizard vs Meta Knowledge I was in a 3.5 campaign as a halfling scout that had a monster Dex build, such that I had a +20 to Dex saves (the DM verified this). With evasion, it meant that almost any time I needed to do a dex save, anything but a nat 1 would result in no damage. We were in a cave with about 2 dozen black dragon wyrmlings, who individually are not that strong, but each have a weak acid breath weapon. My job was to kite the group into position for an AoE attack. After bringing them into position, I jumped out of the way around a corner, and unfortunately, before they could be killed, all of them used their breath weapon on the wizard who not only died but melted due to the acid. We were able to revive him by finding a tooth in the mess, but the wizard PLAYER was very mad at me for not also tanking all of the acid attacks. I maintained that my (notably cowardly) scout wouldn't necessarily have the meta knowledge that he was essentially immune to these attacks based on their low DC, and would get out of the way. Was I wrong to kite and hide or should I have had my scout also tank the acid with his matrix level dodging skills? I humbly await your judgment.
Sammo Cando
2024-08-19 18:28:10 +0000 UTCTo the most jaunty of Justices and the blustering Bailiff, I bring to you the case of the Non-Lethal Piercing Damage. Many years ago, I played as a bard in a game-store series of one shots. We were fighting some enemies high up in the trees and I described slashing at them with my rapier. The DM paused and said that rapiers didn't slash- they were piercing weapons. Ok, sure, that's fair. Then, later on, I said I wanted to do non-lethal damage. The DM then said I couldn't do non-lethal damage with a rapier *because* it was piercing and I couldn't hit them with a flat bit of my sword as a rapier didn't have that. The situation was solved pretty quickly and I went forward happily shish-kebabing every enemy I saw, but I still wonder to this day- Can you do non-lethal damage with a piercing weapon from a technical standpoint? P.S. I was around 12 at the time this happened, playing at a table with an older DM.
robouiop
2024-08-19 18:28:07 +0000 UTCTo the oh great and wise representatives of dice Christ I come to you guilty and humbled. A while back I decided to try DMing for the first time, I home brewed a story and got some of my online friends together to play over discord. The barbarian had never played before but we all told him we would help teach him. The first session went smoothly but as the campaign progressed while other players seemed to enjoy the story while the barbarian became visibly disinterested as the sessions went on. He eventually would make excuses not to show up and when he did, he would sit on his phone or open steam and start playing video games. He would also half ass combat and only do basic attacks and missing. It got to a point where the other players would ask for him to be killed off or taken out of the game in some way as his apathetic vibes were ruining the experience for them. Eventually we had to take a hiatus from playing. When we decided to start up again I pulled the barbarian aside and asked him if he really wanted to play with us and he could back out if he wanted to since we would be starting again soon and now would be the time to do it. He agreed to leave but has since left the discord server and stopped talking to us. I ask this. Was it a sin against dice Christ to turn a potential follower away just because of his bad vibes or was I justified in asking him to back out? I leave myself in your tender arms.
DaddyPatty24
2024-08-19 18:28:06 +0000 UTCTo the all powerful robe wearing sin forgiving saints and Joke Please can I ever be forgiven for my part in damming 2 different campaigns and then in my third campaign yet again doing the same thing by accident and now being known as the god summoner. Please have mercy on me. In my first ever campaign I played a drow elf who was chopping his enemies up and dedicating them to his goddess Lolth who of course is evil (yes a bit gruesome, but if I'm being honest I wasn't the most gruesome player there). For several sessions I did this until I sacrificed one of my parties npc's, again poor move on my part but I was cursed. Although her body was healed and technically alive Lolth was in the body. She ran off and came back as all the body parts I had sacrificed mashed together in a giant horror filled spider shape, but with some bad gameplay and likely unexperienced DMing one player managed to summon and entire mountain on her instantly. Effectively sending her back to her realm but pissing the party off so much that there was no big bad to fight we stopped the game and that player no longer invited for several years. Then in my next campaign on accident, again I summoned an eldritch horror by using my fire Druid to burn several people viciously. This horror was from the first campaign, and was originally a character, who was the more gruesome party member, it was just weak at the time(and I had inadvertently copied the players actions from that campaign). That thing murdered us, I think because of it's unexpected power of said horror (this was different dm from the first campaign) effectively ending that campaign for a while, that DM is going to retcon it to continue it. And finally this last one, rolling a nat 20 as a bard with already 20 charisma to beg a god to help save us, it worked but my friends are scared of my power. They do find it funny but really don’t trust me to not summon a god since I’ve done it a three times, for clarification this is also every campaign I have ever played in. I am 3 for 3 in summoning gods, Please forgive me for my great nat 20s of summoning but horrible endings it has brought.
Dead King
2024-08-19 18:28:00 +0000 UTCHello, honorable justices and the lowkey bailiff Jerf Hertz. I present to you the case of the Incentivised Pistol. I have been DMing a Victorian era murder mystery campaign for a year and a half. One of my players, a Fighter with proficiency in fencing, has been wanting a pistol to defend themself but has not made effort to obtain one. IRL, they have been attempting to complete a degree and has little motivation to finish one of the classes they needs to graduate. So I made the offer to give them a pistol in game, if they meet the deadline for a major assignment. Unfortunately, they did not meet this deadline and made the difficult decision to put school on the back burner, which I respect completely. However, I know how much they want a pistol and at the same time, don’t want the stakes I set to motivate to be pointless either. Should I bite the bullet and give them a gun? Or was this motivational mechanic a simple misfire?
Kyra Hensley
2024-08-19 18:27:59 +0000 UTCDear almighty and powerful justices and the swift hand of punishment Jake. I bring to you the case of the discord Prince. My group were playing every Saturday but some wanted to play during the week (small things here and there) so we started a discord channel. I couldn't join in because of work. Well two weeks later one of the other players turns out to be a prince. Wouldn't be bad if when faced with a challenge he tries to use his wealth or army to get out of it. Mighty judges I ask what do I do?
Xavior
2024-08-19 18:27:52 +0000 UTCTo the exalted judges Murph, Emily and Caldwell. Also, the bailiff. I bring forth the case of The Nightmare Punishment. I’ve been playing in a virtual campaign for over 3 years now. We play fairly sporadically but we all have a great time when we do get together. We finished Lost Mine of Phandelver and have been in the Rhyme of the Frostmaiden for the past 2 years. I confess to being the most razzable in the party and most of the time I take it pretty well. The group has stated many times that we are bad guys. We even work for the Zhentarim and don’t really care about the NPC’s that much. So on level 10 my bard decided to take find greater steed. Outside of the campaign I had confirmed with my DM that if I summoned a Pegasus and ripped off its wings it would give me a Nightmare steed as per the creatures summary. My DM said “Please do that.” So after a long rest I summoned the Pegasus and ripped off its wings with the help of my unknowing companions. When this deed was done a Solar came down from the sky and told me I had made a mistake and I would be dealt with justly. Now my whole party is annoyed with me. I ask the judges did I do something wrong or am I being razzed unjustly?
Toleary
2024-08-19 18:27:25 +0000 UTCTo the Right Honorable Justices and the Left Dishonorable Bailiff, I present the case of Floor is Ground. A couple years I DM'd Descent into Avernus for a party of 4 which included a cleric. Whilst traveling in the nine hells in an infernal war machine (the interior dimensions of which had already been expanded to simplify travel) the party successfully lobbied, through devious arguments and logic, to consider the floor of the war machine as ground in order to cast magic circle, they then proceeded to whomp me in encounters designed for much higher level PCs. Ultimately the consequences were small as it just required some scaling up of later encounters to compensate for the shenanigans. Now in our current campaign with mostly the same party I have outlawed the use of floor as ground as an exploit. Justices am I breaking precedent I established in a previous campaign? Is Floor Ground? Does the Banishment on a Ship precedent apply to other spells? Your Wisdom and Judgement is Paramount and will be respected by all parties, some of whom are listening. Many Thanks and Blessings on your houses (even Jake's)
Jacob Keesee
2024-08-19 18:27:24 +0000 UTCHonourable Justices, we had a new player joining our campaign while the party was at sea, so we found her floating in a barrel. She had no weapons, no items and no memory of how she got in the barrel. Furthermore, she was so exhausted, that she was unable to speak or understand what was going on, even after we cast healing spells on her. Near the end of the session the DM said she was now rested enough to interact with us, but then the ship exploded. Two players were instantly down to 0, one being the newbie. After a a failure and a nat 1, she died. I felt particularly guilty over this, as my character had been suspicious about the newcomer and was a mean to her at first. I tried to make a deal with a pre-established death god to trade my life for hers, but the DM wouldn't allow it. However, the DM then had a Ryan Urphy style super-cool, super-tough NPC show up and bring her back to life with ease, while belittling the rest of us. I ask you to sentence this DM to for the crimes of giving a new player a bad introduction, and limiting player choice.
Tophat Pete
2024-08-19 18:27:19 +0000 UTCTo the Most Honorable Justices and the Cool Cool Bailiff Jeff (Geoff?), I have been playing dnd with the same group for about four years. Our usual set up is three players and a DMPC to help balance the party. One of our players was really new to dnd when we started so we tried to go out of our way to cater to them. We let them drive the party choices most of the time, we regularly bent rules that were too complicated for them, and we had to institute a no pc death policy since they found the idea of their character dying really upsetting. This special treatment has persisted to this day. Recently we finished a campaign, and that player asked if he could try DMing a one shot before our usual DM started a new campaign. We agreed, and he told us all to roll level 7 characters. As soon as we started playing it became clear that our Interim DM had not prepared. We were supposed to spend five nights in a haunted hotel, fighting the monsters. Instead we were subjected to a long, incoherent, and confusing shopping episode in the town around the hotel. This happened multiple times and stretched the “one shot” into six sessions. When we tried to go back to the hotel at night to fight the monsters, we were not allowed to fight them. They instead made idle threats but ran away and vanished once the party tried to fight them. And we got the feeling that the Interim DM didn’t have any stat blocks prepped. We tried to be patient since this was the first time he was DMing, but then came the final fight. Despite telling us to roll level 7 characters, he had us fight: a bone devil, two nagas, four skeletons, and four ghasts all at the same time. He kept targeting my Paladin because I was the only one with healing abilities. He never attacked his own DMPC, claiming that he “forgot he could do that”. The fight resulted in a TPK where only his DMPC survived, and the DM was both smug and gleeful about killing all of our characters. Judges, I know that DMing is difficult, but was this unreasonable? He literally cackled when our characters went down. I humbly await your verdict. [Jake, please wait until the moment you think it’s funniest to reveal this] PS: Our Interim DM is my 10 year old nephew.
Kate W
2024-08-19 18:27:19 +0000 UTCMay it please the Honorable Judges and Baby Ballif Jake, I play in a Curse of Strahd campaign, We wanted to put our barbarian into a portable hole filled with water, after drinking a potion of water breathing, and sneak him into the BBEG’s castle. Our DM was amenable to the idea, I thought it was maybe a bit ridiculous. The question is could our beefy barbarian boy survive in the hole for one hour while breathing in the water? We debated at the table for nearly 10 minutes, we got to a point where chemistry and math were being discussed. Rather than delay our session for a hypothetical that may happen in an upcoming session, we wanted to bring the case to the highest court in the land. We’ve agreed as a table to take the court's ruling as final, so please justices, can a barbarian breathe in a portable hole filled with water after drinking a water-breathing potion? P.S. There are definitely birds in Barovia.
steven eaton
2024-08-19 18:26:56 +0000 UTCTo the Judicious Judges of Just Justice and jork, I bring you the case of the too turnt table. For the better part of the last year, I have been GMing for a group of 5 close friends of mine in my homebrew world. We like to engage in safe recreational inebriation while we play (buds and brews) as it helps us to loosen up a bit. Recently one of my players has embarked on a journey of sobriety and in order to accommodate their need for a safe environment, the rest of the party and I limited our recreational consumption quite a bit, going so far as to hide paraphernalia and drink cups out of said players sight and access. However, this player continuously has expressed distress over the fact that the rest of us still want to be inebriated while we play and has even gone so far as to say that the only situation which they would feel fully comfortable playing would be one where everyone was stone cold sober. My frustration at the lack of middle ground came to a head recently, and I made the executive call to have them take a break from the game for their health and safety which they were distraught at. Judicial Justices of Justice, I feel terrible for effectively denying my close friend access to a game and environment they enjoy being in, and I feel guilty for not wanting to give up my own inebriated Wednesday nights. So I ask you, Just Judiciaries of Judgement, am I in the right for selfishly not sacrificing the party’s partying tendencies, or was my call for the player to take a temporary table time-out actually OK?
Eoin Gleadhill
2024-08-19 18:26:48 +0000 UTCTo Murph and only murph honestly pls help The case of “my girlfriend is the craziest fucking person I’ve ever played DnD with” I would like to start my saying my dming style has frequently been compared to that of Brian Murphy. I do not like looney toones shit. It is a high fantasy world, with changelings and dragons and no technology, I will not make trulys (the semi-popular seltzer brand) canon. My girlfriend has been frequently compared to a mix of Emily afford and Rekha Shankar in how she plays. That is to say, absolutely fucking crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I adore both Emily and rekha and the brilliant decisions they make. However as a dm it is wildly difficult to know how to handle it. For example, the party was breaking into a highly secure jail. They thought a friend of one of the pcs might be there. I gave a multitude of winks and nudges to inform them that the prisoner they spotted was actually the friends brother. They did not catch it. My gripe isn’t with that however, it is when my girlfriend (playing a changeling clockwork soul sorcerer/ astral self monk) said “oh I know what to do! I use disguise self and change into him!” WHAT?! The guy that is supposed to be in the cell? She then convinces most of party, through 2 individuals with the masquerade tattoo and a mother disguise self spell, to all turn into him as well. 4 people and 2 kids disguised as a man who isn’t even in this jail, wandering around. This isn’t even the craziest thing she’s done. So alas I ask the question, Am I wrong to ask my girlfriend to tone it down a little for the sake of my sanity? Or should I be punished and allow her to run amuck
Laura Reed
2024-08-19 18:26:42 +0000 UTCConfession: I humbly throw myself before the church and Hurwitz, first name… … Jake I think, it’s still unclear to me if he holds power in the Church. Forgive me for I have sinned, in the case of the unnatural 8. My DM enjoys breaking people off into separate calls and tempting us with various evils, or so I assume. After several sessions of nobody mentioning their separate conversations I had decided to try and spark a group bonding moment by coming clean about my characters visions of evil, however nobody else bit, thanked me for my honesty and said nothing similar had happened to them. In an effort to at least prove to my character he wasn’t crazy, I attempted an insight check. With my big NADDPOD D20 in hand, I rolled into my tray, where it turns out I had mistakenly dropped my lucky Bukvar pin I kept with me while I played, as a beacon of fortuity. The dice looked like it was to be a 19, but collided with Bukvar and before my eyes, gently tipped onto the natural 1. I knew had I rolled a 1 my DM would tell me I was not even the slightest suspicious, so with the words “Watch This” filling my vision, I panicked, and proclaimed it was a natural 8. As a former frequent sinner I am appalled by my actions and scared of becoming that monster again. I have never spoken of the incident to anyone, and our characters still haven’t opened up further several sessions later. To this day my lucky Bukvar has become my Unlucky Bukvar, that causes my rolls to come up just short, but he is admittedly useful for when I DM.
Danie
2024-08-19 18:26:33 +0000 UTCTo the most Highly Esteemed Justices, and I think there's someone else but I forget, I am a new DM running a homebrew campaign that has been ongoing for about 8 months. I learned to DM listening to this podcast, and it has served me well, except for a glaring weak spot: the DnD economy. I was giving my players way too much money and at one point the Bard rolled a 30 deception check to tell a mayor he was the royal tax collector, getting them a ton of money. The problem is, they bought a Bag of Tricks. Any time a weak monster is pulled out, the Fiend patron warlock puts the small animal in his bag, shaking it around to "make it hostile" before eldritch blasting a rat to gain temp HP. I ruled that the bag states the creature is friendly, but the players all think this is a good way to get around that ruling. More often than not, this is not an issue because the creature is helpful and the campaign has been super engaging and fun for everyone otherwise. Justices, is shaking a bag full of rats a good way to gain temp HP? I lay my case at your feet and await your judgement. PS: oh yeah, I think the other guy is John or something
Will
2024-08-19 18:26:22 +0000 UTCTo the judges, whose wisdom illuminates the darkest corners of the kingdom of Tabletopia. And also the bailiff, who is a very silly old bear. I bring you the case of the Nat 20 Commoner Death. It was only the second session of a brand-new campaign set in the worlds of Eberron. Context: the campaign is being DMed by a good friend of mine, whom I trust and love, but whose taste in stories is a bit darker and heavier than mine. Our newly-formed party had stumbled upon a teleportation machine, a top-secret technology. We bamfed directly into enemy headquarters - my PC’s family’s arch business rival, who had developed the teleportation technology. We knew we needed to get away before we were discovered, or face dire consequences for accidental espionage. It was at that moment that the building’s janitor walked into the room, saw my PC, recognized my face, and bolted down a hallway. Our rogue, thinking rogue-ishly, shot her crossbow right through the fleeing commoner’s neck. Being a commoner custodian, he started bleeding out. Our Fighter crouched next to him and tried a medicine check to stabilize him - NATURAL 20. The DM winced and explained that the fighter had stopped the bleeding, but that the Fighter could still see that the custodian was dying. He told her to make another medicine check, and judges, I kid you not - it was another NATURAL 20. You could tell this wasn’t the answer the DM wanted to hear. He explained that the Fighter was employing some battlefield medicine she learned during the war, and then asked for another Medicine check. On this one, she rolled a 16. Then he narrated our party watching the life leave this innocent commoners’ eyes. The Fighter was frustrated and so was I! We both wanted to play good-aligned characters and being complicit in a cold blooded murder was not the beginning of our arc that we were hoping for. So Judges, I ask you - am I in the wrong for expecting TWO natural twenties to bring a commoner back from the brink of death? Or is my DM wrong for pushing through this dark story beat because it aligned more with his storytelling style?
Hallie Martenson
2024-08-19 18:25:42 +0000 UTCTo the honorable Judges and to the Bailiff (who I believe I saw throw a lit match at someone in the bathroom—his name is Jake Hurwitz): I present to you the case of the mastery bait. I play a Hexblade Warlock in a campaign run by a friend. My character's patron is a cursed sword that occasionally whispers to them. The sword once claimed that to unlock its true power, I had to “plunge it through the heart of an innocent.” Despite the persistent whispers, I resisted, keeping my character's moral compass intact. But my DM didn’t stop there. Outside the game—at the gym, at the bar—he’d casually ask why I hadn’t taken the plunge yet, hinting that it might be crucial for an upcoming epic battle. Eventually, in the game, an opportunity popped up to stab an innocent with minimal guilt. With the sword’s whispers and my DM’s not-so-subtle nudges, I finally caved. Then my DM gleefully revealed that the sword now had enough power to to take controll of my character occasionally and used this to make my Warlock abandon the party during said big fight. Was it fair for my DM to bait me outside the game, only to turn it into an in-game trap? If it makes a difference I've been a Patreon subscriber for longer than my DM.
Niclas
2024-08-19 18:25:30 +0000 UTCTo the arcane judges and the profane bailiff Jamaal, I present the case of the Horny Roommates: I am a DM of medium experience for my 3 roommates who are very new to DND, one of which is my girlfriend of almost 4 years. My girlfriend was very excited to play and created a Druidic circus performer whose main character trait is that she is searching for love and tries to flirt with all my hot NPCs. As DM, I have gently explained multiple times that I can’t reasonably flirt and role-play romantic scenes with my girlfriend in front of the other players, to which she often responds with frowns but eventually relents. Enter: “Queefus the Annihilator”, another player who is constantly trying to smash NPCs and makes frequent and obnoxious sexual advances. Long story short, I allowed him ONE sexual evening in which I, in detail, described to him “the worst sex he has ever had” and told him this was the last time he would get it on at the table. My girlfriend now gets sad at the table when hot NPCs are introduced and says it’s unfair that he got to enjoy what her character needs most, but I did this EXPLICITLY to get it off his chest so he stops sexually harassing every NPC. I ask you, did I do her dirty by having disgusting role play sex with my roommate? Or should she be more understanding of my situation? I put myself at your mercy.
Greg B.
2024-08-19 18:24:47 +0000 UTCTo the esteemed justices and the questionable baeliff Jonk, I present to you today the case of the Flirtatiously-Foiled Rogue. I DM a homebrew campaign which features six pirates who are all half-brothers. One of these pirates is Zilbern, a handsome and high-Charisma rogue who has a habit of flirting excessively with every attractive NPC he meets. While this behavior does fit into the pirate fantasy, I didn’t want to let scenes of courtship take up too much time at the table. My solution was simple: I would only ask for a persuasion roll if I felt Zilbern’s advances had a real chance of succeeding. Often, Zilbern would fumble the conversation enough that I felt a roll was unnecessary. I thought this was a great solution, but now Zilbern’s player has begun complaining that his attempts at romance have been rebuffed by every NPC he talks to. He says that surely some of these attempts should have succeeded, as he is a dashing half-elf, and he should at least get a roll or two to see if the NPC would go on a date with him. He believes that, by allowing my judgement of his real world flirtation skills affect whether or not I call for a roll, I have biased the NPCs against his character. I feel a little bad. I like to think of myself as a generous DM who gives my players what they want, be it a magic sword, a puzzle, or an interesting NPC companion. If my player wants an NPC to go out with him even if his flirtation skills are lackluster, should I indulge them? I seek your omniscient guidance on what to do next.
Sam Gherrity
2024-08-19 18:24:17 +0000 UTCJustices and Jakes, I bring to your bench the case of the Newbie Nerfing. Years ago, my older brother invited me to play in my first-ever campaign of DnD as he DMed Curse of Strahd for me and a few of his friends. I elatedly built an Eldritch Knight to reflect the backstory I was so excited about: My character was going to be a monster researcher who was estranged from their monster-hunter family after they realized that it was better to try to understand monsters than to just kill on sight. I built my PC entirely around the idea that they were a budding expert on all things monstrous, so imagine my surprise when, in our second or third session, I asked my brother/DM if I could roll a history check on vampires and he said “You can, but you don’t know anything about the monsters of Barovia.” Justices and Jakes, I balked! I told him surely I would know *some*thing about them, since I built my entire character around it, but he responded “Well, you’d know about monsters from *your* world, but Barovia’s been cut off by Strahd, so things are different here.” Being a newbie, I let it go, and the rest of the campaign saw my Eldritch Knight mostly shooting things with a bow and leaving all of their proficient skills unused. I used some cantrips here and there, but instead of the roleplay-focused nerd I intended to play, I mostly spent our sessions sharpshooting and sitting quietly. The campaign fizzled naturally, but I still think about my poor first PC whose build was nerfed before they even began. Was my brother in the wrong to consign my PC to pure combat utility, or did I ask for too much by building a level 3 monster scholar?
KT
2024-08-19 18:23:40 +0000 UTCMay it please the court and ruffle the feathers of Bailiff Jorts. I present to you the case of the Uninspiring Squiring. I play a Level 4 wizard (with a level of war cleric not totally relevant to this story). My party was in a battle and I cast Shadow Blade to summon a simple melee weapon and used an object interaction to give said blade (squire style) to the party’s Fighter who was within melee range so he could muliattack with it. I went on with the rest of my turn, but the DM said that the Shadow Blade dissipated at the end of the turn since I wasn’t holding it. I countered, saying that the spell specifically states the blade dissipates if dropped or thrown, but I had willingly handed it over to my ally. The DM refused to budge, stating that giving an object to someone else counts as dropping it. Should I have been able to hand a sword that cost a second level spell slot to my ally without it disappearing, or is the DM right in stating that an object which changes hands carries the implication of "Whoops, butterfingers!" P.S. The DM also stated the Fighter wouldn't be proficient with the shadow blade even if he could use it, despite the spell stating it is a simple melee weapon. P.P.S. I would go on to blow a concentration check the very next turn to a crit, so this move wouldn’t have done anything anyways, but still.
RNP
2024-08-19 18:23:40 +0000 UTCTo those who stand at the top of the world (Judges Murph, Axford, and Tanner) and he who is just kinda there i guess? I Wanna say Titivilus? I bring to you one of the worst cardinal sins against Dice Christ I have ever committed. eepy boi during a session. I play a Tiefling Conquest Paladin named Danny Burgers. At my last DnD session (first in a couple months) I could not keep my eyes open. I was there in person with 2 others as well as on discord with 2 more. We set the camera up to have them on our living room tv. We have an air mattress in our living room that I was playing dnd in. Over time (20-50 minutes) I noticed just how comfy that air mattress was and what started as me sitting upright slowly turned into a fetal position. My eyes closed shortly after and although I (thought) I was listening to everything being said I could not wake myself up to respond. This turned out to be the big lore session and I missed a big part of it. We did play the next week with a more normal session although I was taken to the raspberry patch and had to have everything re-explained. Will DC (Dice Christ) ever walk next to me on a sandy beach or chat am I cooked?
Kork Horf
2024-08-19 18:23:18 +0000 UTCAa the esteemed justices, and bailiff Joink. I present to you the case of the surprise hostage. Last year, I played in a campaign with five players, most of whom had never played before. I played a timid, bookish firbolg barbarian, named Tim, whose wild magic rages turned him into a professional wrestler named Rainbow Blight and one of my friends played an impulsive halfling rogue, named Chester, who was nine years old. (Sorry, Murph) During our first few sessions, Chester would impulsively run headfirst into rooms with traps and monsters, and my character would try to stop him so we could make a plan or gather more information. I’d roll athletics against Chester’s acrobatics, and we’d proceed from there. After our third session, my DM, who’s also my boyfriend, made a comment to me that my constant interference could be seen as stepping on my friend’s gameplay and decision making. My thought was that I was making in-character choices, just like the other player was, but I took his words to heart, because the last thing I want to do is make the game less fun for someone else. During our next session, we were trying to find our way back to the nearest town, making survival checks to avoid getting lost. We encountered a woman on the road who was being pursued by a bandit. We saved her from the bandit and started to ask her some questions about her travels. As soon as she told us that she was coming from the town we were headed towards, Chester immediately pulled a knife, held it to her throat and demanded she guide us there. The party was stunned, as was our DM. He looked at us and said, “with a guide, we can’t get lost.” We tried to reason with him, saying we could just ask for directions and he insisted on keeping a hostage. Finally, the warlock asked my DM if we were allowed to cast spells on each other. She cast suggestion and Chester failed the save, so he had to let her go. After the session, my boyfriend said, “I can’t believe you took part in kidnapping an innocent woman. That was crazy.” I said I didn’t want to step on her decision making. He continued to razz me about being a kidnapper for the rest of the week. Justices, am I to be blamed for my complicity in this crime, or is my DM accountable for for traumatizing this NPC? I humbly await your judgement.
Peyton McDaniel Davis
2024-08-19 18:22:53 +0000 UTCMy first submission to the court: to the effervescent and eleganaza (spyxfamily ref for Caldwell) judges, and bailiff Jornk: After years of playing online, I joined my first ever in person one shot with friends of a family member - that I met at that family's wedding out of state. We planned the one shot at that wedding, flew back to our state, and the one shot went swimmingly and even turned into an extended campaign about us being a magical cleaning crew for one job. An initial d&d love story for the ages. However, after or first mess was cleaned up - the DM had developed a job board of new cleaning jobs for us to take up - all designed for one of our party members to be drawn to. We chose the paladin's leaning ship clean up - as a way to help him right wrongs from his past. However upon coming to session the next week, the DM told us that we were planning on being on this ship for the foreseeable future - and would likely now become pirates. I said, having most of our players minus the paladin, built a bit of a backstory that was reliant on being back in our realm on land, "but will we get to come back?" To which the DM said "oh god. Oh no. I didn't know you'd be upset about this" and started to scramble. The DMs husband said "if you don't want to be a pirate you're going to have to say something now" and the DM was visibly upset and floundering for the entire session, as I seemingly threw a wrench into the whole campaign. I thought it was simply a small question since this was initially addressed as a job on our cleaning job board that we were simply leaving behind. I ask you judges - was I wrong to have asked about getting back to land? Or was my DM buring the lead like the buried treasure I must now strangely align myself to finding? I humbly await your judgement.
Emily Bocchino
2024-08-19 18:22:38 +0000 UTCTo those bedrocks of justice, Briron Sulfury, Emineraly Ashford, and Coalwell Tantalite, and the bailiff Jakestone Hurwitzstone: I'm in an online campaign with a paid DM that's been going for a while now, with people who I didn't know when I joined, but has generally been going well. One of the other players, though, got bored of their character and decided to roll a new one. This was all fine, except that our party was stuck on another plane, with no means or opportunity for the original character to leave. Instead of turning the original character over to the DM and letting him become an NPC, this player has been playing as two full PCs for four months now, and recently posted in our discord that he decided that he just wants to keep playing 2 PCs indefinitely. Justices, is it okay for a player to just decide to play two PCs?
Yashuntafun
2024-08-19 18:22:12 +0000 UTCA confession to DC, I was running a game of Kids on Bikes with 6 friends and my wife, mostly inexperienced players (and it was my first time DMing) The basis of the campaign was that the players were teenagers in the drama club at their high school in a picturesque town where a Hallmark Christmas movie was being filmed. Secretly though, the film was a project to brainwash the town so that a cult could summon Krampus into the world and ruin Christmas forever. I was having fun, but a lot of my players (justifiably since they were new) had a hard time getting involved and clearly saw it as more of an opportunity to just chat on Zoom than play. Fine, it's a social game. But as a result, I eventually committed two sins. One, I started really heavily focusing on the 3 characters from whom I was getting roleplay input and who seemed interested. I tried to pull other players in, but at some point I'll admit I wearied and kind of gave up. In particular, I had two players who were both playing self-obsessed divas and rich single parents. Everyone laughed a lot when these two were in conflict, so, in my greatest sin, I fudged a couple of rolls or made difficulties exceptionally high on rolls that eventually led to their parents dating, getting engaged, and making out in front of them at a Denny's. I intended to give them a subplot to work together to reverse Parent Trap their parents later, but I desperately needed any sort of engaging plot hook at the time to keep the story moving and feel less self conscious about entertaining everyone, and unfortunately, the campaign fell apart before that could happen. I beg forgiveness for forcing these hot theater parents to Grand Slam against the will of DC.
Connor Gentry
2024-08-19 18:21:50 +0000 UTCTo the premium subscription judges and the free with ads bailiff jork, I present the case of the testicle catapult (may it please the court). I played in a campaign with 9 players, it was wild. Essentially, we were police who were tasked with bringing down this dictator, blah blah blah it was fun! All except one player, Let’s call her Jackie. She played a spellcaster, so her AC was pretty low. During combat, Jackie liked to grab random NPC’s off the street and use them as human meat shields. Furthermore, after they ultimately died, she’d describe removing their genitals and casting catapult, using them as ammunition. Once combat ended, she would then describe her painstaking task of removing remaining genitals and storing them for future catapult use. We played COPS, and she was turning us into the LAPD. Our paladin of the group hated this so much he chose to change characters because he didn’t feel comfortable playing a paladin with Jeffrey Dahmer. We got tired of it and a few sessions later bailed and blamed it on “scheduling conflicts” and started a new campaign without her. Were we the assholes or is what we did justified? Ps, I know we’re justified, Jake, relax and let the adults speak for once. PPS, just kidding, hate the show, I never listen anyway. Thanks!!
Christian M.
2024-08-19 18:21:29 +0000 UTCVenerable Justices and the Artist formally known as Jared. May it please the court. I present to you the case of the Mist that was Missed... Our group is in the early stages of Curse of Strahd and currently at level 3. A strange series of events led to us confronting Strahd extremely early, with him inviting us to his keep. This interaction was clearly meant to introduce us to him and reveal a few other things. When the interaction was complete, Strahd transformed into mist and started to exit. Our Cleric took the opportunity to cast Create/Destroy Water, attempting to "destroy" the mist. The DM laughed and said it was a creative play, but clearly would have no effect on Strahd. He awarded the cleric inspiration for the move but said it had no effect. The cleric insisted that this should, at the very least, force him to change forms again and should potentially cause damage. The DM was insistent that this would not be the case. We moved on from this interaction, but after the session the cleric brought it up again, this time in more adamant terms. He argued that mist is water, and therefore should have done SOMETHING to strahd. I should mention alcohol was involved and the arguments on both sides became more incoherent as the night went on. Should the spell have had an effect on the Big Bad, or is our cleric being unreasonable. We await your judgement!
Ben Cuartas
2024-08-19 18:21:29 +0000 UTCTo the dogmatic church: I dare not prostrate myself but stand in defiance, for today I bring to you not a confession, but a grievance. Following Emily's moon dice advice got me killed. I am a forever dm and had the first chance to play in years when my brother decided to run Dark Dice's Domain of the Nameless God for our group. Spelljammer had recently come out so I created a lunar dragonborn (so sick) as a twilight domain cleric who was completely moon themed, his holy symbol a moon rock, little spectral floating moon rocks for the light cantrip, etc. After a few sessions of poor rolls, I decided to take High Priestess Axford’s advice and cleanse my dice in the moonlight of the first full moon of 2023. I set my dice out when the moon was brightest, highest value facing up so they can learn. Reinvigorated with celestial grace, I felt Atrus ready to take on anything. The hubris.. The first session after the full moon, I did not roll a single check or saving throw above a 10. Over the next few sessions, Atrus slipped into insanity via the madness rules from the DMG, and ultimately succumbed to the horror of the Nameless God being birthed into the world. While fleeing the sight of a ritual to bring the God back, my dm gave us a choice: do you flee or do you turn back to look? After everything that led to this, Atrus could only turn back. The dm asked for a wisdom saving throw and i rolled a natural 1 with wisdom being my highest stat as a cleric. Completely broken, Atrus sat down and laughed at the inevitably of everything as the rest of the party fled. This also led to another PC death where the bard of our group tried to drag Atrus with him but also rolled a natural 1 on his wisdom save, being left behind as well. Years later my faith in dice christ is still shaken and I am cursed by that which inspired what was my favorite character of all time. Can I ever heal? Can I ever trust again? Has dice christ truly forsaken me or am I another Job or Jonah or that one monk who rolled 7 nat 20 dex saves?
Jon Snider
2024-08-19 18:21:25 +0000 UTCTo the Honorable justices and that guy in the corner looking shady. I present the case of the shady sanctuary. We are running descent into avernus campaign. Our gnome twilight cleric cast moonbeam and then sanctuary on herself. Her next turn she moved the moonbeam onto a new enemy. I then asked if she was OK with her sanctuary ending. She stated that sanctuary would not end because she didn't cast a new spell. I ruled that if that's the way the party wants to interprete the rules, the enemies can do the same thing. I wanted to give the cleric this as she doesn't get to shine as much in battle so i thought i would leave the choice to the group. The group voted that this was ok and enemies can do it too. When the next battle came, the enemy used the same strategy and downed the cleric and half the party. I ruled after this fight that sanctuary will not have immunity this way again as its too unbalanced. The cleric isn't happy now. Should I be punished for not "laying down the law" from the start or is the cleric correct. I await your judgment. Sincerely The salty dm
Josh Pocha
2024-08-19 18:21:25 +0000 UTCTo the dearest and daintiest of judges and um, do you mind? We’ve been playing with a group of friends for 6 years now and we have been blessed with a cohesive and fun group that plays very well together! We almost never have disputes and when we do we solve them quickly. The one that still bothers two of us at the table to this day is during a really epic and rather challenging pirate battle on a ship. We trade off DM’s for different running campaigns and he can be a bit of a stickler as a dm. Three of us sitting at the head of the table had coordinated a tag team attack that would cause the pirate baddie to get disadvantage on their rolls, be pulled towards us, then be pushed off the side of the boat, their head would be frozen (I don’t remember the spell we wanted to us for this but I remember it was feasible) and then my siren character would swim her deep underwater until she drowned. This was huge because rarely do we have big coordinated attacks like this and this included a player that doesn’t usually understand game mechanics as strongly as the rest of us and they did a great job coordinating. It was a lot of fun. Our DM ruled that she is out of battle and therefore we don’t need to kill her. And because her head was frozen she can’t drown. He ruled that she wasn’t breathing to begin with and because she is frozen she is actively “paused” and when she thaws she will breath again. But that’s why I tried to pull her underwater so when she does thaw she would suffocate. He ruled that because she was effectively “out of combat” it didn’t matter and the fight was over. I wanted her dead so we didn’t have to deal with her anymore and found this ruiling to be confusing and ultimately gave up after fighting a bit to preserve the vibes. Were we in the wrong for being upset that our dnd didn’t let us kill his baddie or should we just go with what the dm says. Were at the mercy of the judges or may the Baba Yaga take us this night
Axyl and Olympia
2024-08-19 18:21:20 +0000 UTCTo the effervescent priests of Dice Christ and their alright Acolyte, Juke, I confess to you now my Holy War against a blasphemous heretic of Dice Christ. Once Upon a Time, our party invited a new guy to play in a one-shot with a newly christened DM. After a few hours of gameplay I noticed him fudging his role so he could stealthily kill the NPC that we had just spent the whole evening trying to save. Instead of calling the false dice roll to everyone's attention, I had my Paladin character make a perception check to try to prevent the murder in-game, which I passed. The new guy got visually upset that my character had thwarted his plans, and decided to have his character try to kill the NPC in that moment while the party looked on. In order to smite this evildoer, I myself gave into temptation to fudge my own roll so that my Paladin would hit, but only because I had missed by one. Because of that choice, I divinely smote his ass, but for the rest of the night he made such a racket about my character being a jerk that the evening was ruined for everyone. O divine priests of Dice Christ, I regret nothing. The heresy was too great, and I saw justice done. However, I proffer my Paladin's soul for the pyre to atone for my sins if Dice Christ decrees it.
Drew L
2024-08-19 18:21:14 +0000 UTCTo the oft forgotten Bailiff Jake and his rowdy band of Justices, I present you with the case of the brainless bird: I play in a long running campaign as a Reborn Owlin, whose biggest hook in his backstory is before being reborn his brain was stolen(very important) and he must use a Headband of Intelligence to keep sentience. Fast forward to one of our more recent sessions and the party is against an Elder Brain Dragon who just used their Tadpole Brine Breath against the entire party. Everyone easily passed but my dear hootsifer, I argued that since my character does not have a brain the tadpole had nothing to attach to and therefore not affected by the ceremorphosis. DM disagreed and caused a small excitable discussion from the team about how, we've had Hootsy auto fail before for not having a brain and various other interactions that this should be no different. Eventually the DM relented and allowed me to reroll (passed thanks to a point of inspiration) but I'm here to ask this: was it out of line to assume my brainless character would be fine? Or should I have succumbed and became the new BBEG?
r h
2024-08-19 18:20:46 +0000 UTCTo the wicked cool crit justices and summer boy Jake. We humbly present this case of the case lf the obstinate player and oblivious elf We’ve been in this campaign for about a year with our friend who’s a bard/sorcerer PC. He was brand new to dnd and made his character with our DM. They made the character as a joke with the bard/sorcerer not believing in magic (even saying he blacked out when he cast spells) and refusing to believe elves were real and that all humans had pointy ears and lived a long time (despite being a full elf and meeting NPC humans). Despite this we’ve enjoyed being in a party with him and want to continue playing. He ADMITS that he doesn’t like his character anymore, but won't leave him behind. Our DM isn’t taking a side and says the player could keep, leave behind, or kill his character if he wants to. The rest of us are getting pretty tired of having to continuously try and convince this PC that magic is real and he’s not human. So we ask the court, ask if we should be punished for not trusting our player and DM to get this character straight, or should this PC find his unlikely demise at the bottom of a tall tower. We dutifully await your judgement.
Hannah
2024-08-19 18:20:08 +0000 UTCTo the Bodacious Judges and Boomer Bailiff, I bring the case of the Cursed Changeling. I played a Changeling Paladin named Doll in a campaign with my friend and his wife. A little into the campaign, Doll was cursed by some cosmic being and their shape changing ability was put on the fritz. I would roll a random die every day to see what random NPC I turned into and for how long. It was a fun and cool mechanic! … for a session or two. This curse lasted many-many sessions. Twice, we followed a plot hook to lift the curse. Both ended with either the curse-lifter dying prematurely or telling us they couldn’t do it. One said plot hook involved breaking into a prison which would’ve been great to use my shape change for. But there I was stuck being a Lizardfolk merchant who spoke with a German accent. Judges, was I wronged in getting my ability taken or was it something I should have marked as ‘character building’ and accepted gracefully? I await your humble judgement.
Flying Mongeese
2024-08-19 18:19:01 +0000 UTCTo the honorable crit justices, and the well-read bailiff: I as a (newish) DM have reached a complication. I have a fun party of adventurers who like to loot and explore. However, it can be difficult to get them to buy into a quest without “proper” compensation. Every favor asked and obstacle presented comes with an eventual contract negotiation for how much gold they’ll be owed. It’s gotten to the point where they’ll start itemizing their bill per monster killed. Is there a better way to convince them to suspend disbelief and venture on? Am I not incentivizing them enough, and should I be promising a pile of gold for every session? I humbly await your verdict.
Vincent Hand
2024-08-19 18:19:00 +0000 UTCTo the flabbergasting crit Justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, and Baliff Jak, who I hope is having the day he deserves, I present the case of power word meta game. We are coming up on the end of our current campaign, and 2 sessions ago, my Jens inspired bard/paladin was insta killed via power word kill. Insta kill may not be the right phrase though, because it happened in the last round of the fight, on the lich's turn right after my DM asked everyone how much HP we had left. My PC was revived next session and all is good, but I must ask you, fair play or a bit sus?
Randy Greig
2024-08-19 18:18:43 +0000 UTCI fear I have sinned. May Dice Christ forgive me through its agents: The lanky guy from Jersey who loves wrestling, the funny woman who loves him, the guy from Cartoon Hell who loves butts, that other guy who sounds just like Hardwon, and today’s guest. Let’s say… Zach maybe? There is a great bar / restaurant near me where you can roll a d20 to receive a random shot. Most are just tasty shots but two are special. A nat 20 will get you a double shot and a glass you can take home. A nat 1 gets you a purposefully nasty concoction consisting of tequila, hot sauce, and Tiamat's bile. I can very quickly process when I have just screwed myself by rolling a nat 1. The first time I did this at the bar I yelped and immediately gave it a quick flick which ended up being a most unnatural 20. The waitstaff smirked and allowed my chicanery. I tipped extra generously for their kindness but does that mean I just bribed them to join me in a life of sin? Did Dice Christ already show their forgiveness with the 20 or is this the Dodecahedron Devil leading me and others further down its twisted path? Please help.
Kuzco's Poison
2024-08-19 18:18:29 +0000 UTCI have crawled on hands and knees for miles to gaze upon the holy church of dice christ and give this one confession. I got the paw paw dice from the NADDPOD website and I'm pretty sure the d20 is weighted to get higher rolls. After not rolling below 10 for 3 consecutive sessions, I decided to test my theory. I rolled it 20 times and got below at 10 twice... Funny enough, the two bad rolls were a shout-out to the 2-crew. Should I keep using it or do I need to move on from all these great rolls I've been getting? I humbly await judgement. P.S. Shoutout to the greatest bailiff, Dave. He keeps this kangaroo court in check.
Jourdan
2024-08-19 18:17:43 +0000 UTCMay it please Caldwell because this is some Looney Toons shenanigans. I present the case of the joker golem. I was playing a rune knight with carving proficiency, my cousin joined as a guest for one session but instead of rolling a character he used a clay golem stat block. During a purple worm fight an attack from the worm did something screwy to him and he started attacking all of us. Upon a 22 insight check all the DM gave me was "he just looks angry" what it was was an enrage mechanic in the golem player. Kinda miffed that thats what a 22 got me. I decided to hold down the golem and carve his face into a smile to see if that stopped him from "looking angry" It didn't. Was I being salty at the DM, or was my interpretation of "he just looks angry" fair? In the end we all had a laugh at this so there are no hard feelings.
garett144
2024-08-19 18:17:32 +0000 UTCI present to the court Most High the case of the absent note taker. To summerize my weekly pathfinder game is currently exploring an underwater city in search of a hidden dragon sleeping somewhere unknown. The clues to said dragon led to an underground fighting ring, where we were given a coin with three random words on it, and told to go to a dive bar for further information. (End of session) The next week the party gets to said dive bar and discover a hidden speakeasy where we need to give a password. The password in question was written on the coin we received the previous session. The only problem is our usual in depth note taker was absent and nobody wrote down the words on the coin. INCLUDING THE DM. Who took the password from a document with a bunch of phrases on it that they picked at random. So we ended up standing there for a half an hour of real time trying to figure out how to dig ourselves out of a hole of our own making. My question for our most esteemed judges is who is in the wrong. (Probably everyone)
Kaitlin Stein
2024-08-19 18:17:11 +0000 UTCEsteemed Justices and Amir’s friend, I come with a confession. I was DMing for a group of close friends, who were tasked with finding a witch’s special ruby in a large pile of rubies. Unbeknownst to them, the pile of rubies was actually a ruby ooze, which is “indistinguishable from a normal pile of rubies while it remains motionless.” One of my players, suspicious of the pile, used a spell to create a hole in the dirt under half of the pile, making the ooze fall in. This is where I sinned. Not wanting to lose the thrill of an ambush on my players, I said that the rubies spilled into the hole, like a normal pile of rubies. I justified this by thinking: since the ooze was not using its own faculties to move, it still was technically motionless according to its ability. I see now that this was a cheap attempt to get one over on my players, and I should have rewarded their strategic spellcasting. In penance I had stepped on a pile of d4s every morning for the past 2 years. Please absolve me of this grievous sin.
Brayden Rittner
2024-08-19 18:16:36 +0000 UTCHowdy. I present the case of “The Forgotten Hero, and the Mindless Harpies”. Our party of 6 level 8 adventurers (all PC’s) had arrived at a temple in the desert. We arrived after evading the big bad’s troops and scry’s, and were eager to rest. The temple was operated by 3 Harpy sisters, each corresponding to a different aspect of war. The eldest harpy told our characters that we had brought “doom” to their door and that our enemies marched on our location. I was playing a cowardly Artificer named Kevin, who said “fuck this shit I’m out” abandoning the party who had been convinced to stay and fight against overwhelming numbers. We ended our session there and I pulled the dm aside to ask 1) if I could introduce a new character for the fight next session? And 2) if I could use a homebrew class. He was cool with both and asked how I wanted to introduce my character to the party. I told him I would likely wait to introduce my new character, Gumbo, since my character would arrive just before, but he did sent a message to the eldest Harpy sister alerting her to the threat as well as his arrival. Judges and Baliff, my dm forgot about that last part. As I described Gumbo descending from the sky clad in lightning and impacting with an enemy commander, my DM described the eldest harpy sister ATTACKING Gumbo. Not only that, but it was the only successful attack from the Harpies in the encounter . Out of the 6 of us 5 characters died. I plead the court, croissant my dm with pastries shaped like Boomer Pooh, so that I may be free to once again play a character without fear that they will be forgotten. PS glad you guys got sponsored by twisted tea.
Wholesomethot
2024-08-19 18:16:27 +0000 UTCTo the highest of Crit Courts and the Bailiff who Selects the Cases, I humbly present the Case of the Unlucky T-Rex. I was DM-ing a game of Curse of Strahd with some friends who were mostly new players. One of the players, upon character creation, fell in love with druid because of Wild Shape. Throughout the campaign, the player was consistently overwhelmed with managing spells, wild shapes, and knowing what die to roll. After several years of the campaign, they finally started figuring things out. At a level up, they took the Lucky feat. Fast forward to THE FIGHT with Strahd in Castle Ravenloft. The party was convinced that they needed to destroy Strahd's coffin before they could defeat him in combat. When this became clear as their course of action, I told the players that because it was Strahd's coffin, it had a higher AC than a typical coffin. They claimed they understood, and proceeded to attack the coffin instead of Strahd hurling fireballs at them (they kept clumping up!). After a few rounds and a burning coffin, the druid who was out of Wild Shapes for the day asked if they could polymorph themselves into a T-Rex. After a quick "Yes, you can but no, you can't attack in the same turn that you turn yourself into a T-Rex" conversation, we moved on. The next round, the T-Rex tried to attack the coffin. Due to its higher AC, the T-Rex missed. I narrated how the T-Rex leaned close to the coffin to bite it, but due to the heat and flames, they missed their attack. The druid player then asked if they could use a Luck point to reroll their attack. Initially I wanted to say no because of the language of the Polymorph spell--they become that creature with its abilities and mental stats. A T-Rex does not have Luck Points. The players argued back against my ruling. I told them if they were in Wild Shape it would be a different argument because they were still the druid, just the form had changed. Deep deep deep deep DEEP down I wanted it to happen too because the player had struggled throughout the game with knowing their abilities, and I thought it a rad as hell move AND I wanted to honor my player doing something cool and using an ability they had not used up until this point in the game. Ultimately, I said "We'll let Dice Christ decide. Roll a 15 or higher on a D20, no modifiers, and if you make it, you can use a luck point." They rolled a 7. I turn now to the Supreme Crit--was I wrong for not initially allowing the polymorphed T-Rex to use a Luck Point? Or was I, as I feel, generous for allowing them the attempt but Dice Christ chose not to tell that story?
CSmall
2024-08-19 18:16:18 +0000 UTCTo the clergy of Dice Christ i bring a windy confession. Last year my group and I were playing a short post-apocalyptic campaign set in a world with ever present storms. We play at our local game store which has an outdoor patio area, that we often prefer during the summers. This August evening some storm clouds had pulled in, what started as light rain quickly turned into heavy winds, but I argued that we should stay outside due to the thematic aspects that fit our campaign. Several gusts of wind caused dice to move and my notes to occasionally be strewn around. About halfway through the session my notes fly away, and I, unwillingly to admit my mistake, start ad libbing the rest of the session since my notes had been at best thrown into chaos and at worst were gone. Can Dice Christ forgive me for stubbornly staying outside during a storm, or did I deserve the punishment of the Dice Christ's Storm Father? I humbly await your judgement.
Fredrik Voss nee Söderqvist
2024-08-19 18:15:39 +0000 UTCTo the Effervescent Justices and the half empty bottle of sprite that's been in the fridge for 3 months bailiff, I present the case of the Communist Cookies. I played in a one-shot with my cousin, his girlfriend (the DM), and some of their friends. We were all playing sentient gingerbread cookies trying to prevent our untimely consumptions by escaping from the house of the family that created us. Our final task was to sneak out past grandpa, who had fallen asleep on the couch watching war documentaries. I decided that my grumpy, grizzled cookie named Moe Lasses would want to watch some war documentaries, and the DM narrated that the one playing was talking about communism. After the rest of the party spent a few minutes arguing about our peaceful plans for escape, I turned to them and, as a joke, delivered a rousing communist speech about how there were 6 of us and 1 of grandpa, and us, the cookies, are really the ones with the power, we just need to seize it. I thought we would all laugh and move on with the session, but the DM told me to roll charisma and I got a nat 20. This led to us executing a six-pronged gingerbread attack that led to the murder of an innocent old man just trying to watch his movies. We all had a great time, and successfully escaped to start our new communist gingerbread society in the walls of the house. We all look back on the session as hilariously chaotic, so there is no conflict here, but I bring this question to the court: whose hands are forever red with the blood of grandpa? Me, who jokingly roused a group of cookies into murder? My DM, for introducing communism and then asking for the charisma check? Or was it all the divine will of Dice Christ? I lay myself at your feet and at your mercy, and expect you to deliver swift justice for this swiftly unjust murder.
Hunter Gay
2024-08-19 18:15:18 +0000 UTCTo the Honored Justices and the guy who only chooses fighters🤣, i bring not a case to be tried but a 5e combo to be ruled. Ive been running a Shattered Obelisk campaign for over a year my party are having a great time. In a dungeon our wizard decided to try a combo i hadnt seen before. In combat he took a massive(32 Hp) hit, on his turn he utilized his action to see through his familliars eyes, then using his bonus action to misty step. I thought it was a clever use of the two abilities so i let it happen, he did teleport to within 30 ft of himself outside of the room he was currently in. After rereading the rules as written it sounds like this combo is pretty powerful being able to teleport someone up to 130 ft away. Judges i ask what is your opinion of this combo?
Evilbob02
2024-08-19 18:15:11 +0000 UTCTo the startling judges and the surprised bailiff, I present the case of the unhealable robot Years ago I was running a Storm Kings Thunder campaign for my friends, one of whom was playing a warforged wizard. He was knocked unconscious by some Yakfolk, and when the cleric tried to heal him, the warforged maintained that since he was a robot, he couldn't be healed my magic and had to take his death saves normally, which despite me telling him I was fine with him healing normally, he refused and died instead Should I have insisted on him being able to be healed, or left him to his Yak filled fate?
Dean O
2024-08-19 18:14:47 +0000 UTCIntro no more 2024, shout out to sweet blue hole and the lovely justice duo axeurphy, Hi cake. I bring you the case of the tinder profile that ruined the bbegs death. I am a dm of a group that has been adventuring for almost a year now (anniversary in January) and recently irl me and my partner broke up. This is important info I promise. During my most recent game we were in a tooth biting battle with the bbegs right hand man and took a break to eat, smoke, recoup etc. During said break I brought up my new tinder profile in a “hey what do you guys think about my bio” kind of way and got it was all gravy. Until the start of combat again once we returned to the table, my warlock on her turn put down her dice and began to chastise me for being “bland” on my profile. I kindly reminded her that we were at table and to try to keep the context of convo about dnd but she was relentless in her crusade of my inadequacy as a dating profile maker. This lead to a huge drop in energy and awkward vibes with the other two players as I just had to defend myself from her incessant judging. However we continued combat and when the bbeg was finally felled the room was silent. No cheers no sighs of relief no anything after 9months of being chased around the world by this guy and there was nothing. Even the bard who had his best friend killed by the man was unaffected by getting the killing blow. The session ended soon after that and we haven’t had another one since. Justices I ask you am I the asshole? Should k have not brought up random dating drama during a break in play or should I have not defenddd myself at the table and tried harder to keep the conversation about dnd. Or is my warlock wrong for judging me for not having any “rizz” I lay my head on the floor for judgement from the highest court. (Ps I’ve not been single for 5+ years and am 30 years old so yeah I don’t have “rizz” I don’t even know what that is.)
Gavohn “Lets have a little fun in space” Farley
2024-08-19 18:14:41 +0000 UTCTo the honorable crit justices and the lowly bailiff Jake (Just one lowly to honor the rules of the court). Am I the Asshole? I bring you the case of DM v. Gummy I'm the DM of a campaign about the PC’s entering cursed games. In a past session, PCs managed to rescue the soul of a young dragon (Linda) who was wrongfully killed in the material plane and harnessed as a glitch. To save her, the players put her soul into their pet axolotl, Gummy and took her out of the game. Gummy happens to be a tiny dragon that hatched recently. Next session, I wanted them to find Linda a new body, and to put some urgency in this lead, I decided to make Linda’s soul to be too much for Gummy to handle. At the start of the session, I started to do 1 hp of psychic damage to Gummy every in-game hour. I had the PC’s do perception checks, starting at a DC 25 the first night, and lowered the DC by 5 if they didn’t pass. By the time the party found out, Gummy’s scales had lacked luster and appeared fatigued at 10 HP (27 hp total). My players were DISTRAUGHT at the fact I had the nerve to hurt Gummy. All things considered, I don’t think 1 HP of psych damage per hour was all that much
Adriana B
2024-08-19 18:14:39 +0000 UTCMay it satisfy the judges and be a small morsel for the other one, I present you the case of “the forever dm is the worst pc, but maybe an ok friend?” I was a newer dm at the time, running a (still ongoing) long running campaign. It is very roleplay heavy, has a lot of homebrew, and not a ton of combat. My players however, enjoy that, and so do I. One of my players (who is no longer a player) had previously been my dm and had been a dm for a very long time, so I thought I’d be kind and offer they play at my home game, despite them not knowing the other players super well. This was a mistake. They would not let me see their character sheet, they would edit fundamental pieces of their backstory between sessions without telling me, would hide their dice rolls, would almost never fail checks, was a warforged with scale mail and chose not to take disadvantage on stealth checks, chose to be unable to speak and another pc was telepathic so they wanted to use her as a mouthpiece, and was chaotic evil. This reign of terror finally stopped bc we had been hosting at their place (very kind of them) and when I got my own place away from my parents we started hosting there, for 8 months they would make a different excuse every other week an hour before the session started as to why they wouldn’t be able to attend. Finally I removed them from the group. They however remain in contact and continue to invite me to things! We haven’t seen each other in person in 2 years, but they keep trying to reach out. Am I crazy to stop being their friend bc of how they play dnd? Or should I let bygones be bygones.
Laura Reed
2024-08-19 18:14:26 +0000 UTCMay it please the blah blah blah and something something "jake sucks" I present the case of "the concoction" I DM a game with a few friends, and we all enjoy really hard combat. the problem is i TPK the party a fair bit too often, so instead of making things a tad easier i came up something stupider. The Concoction is a special potion in game that raises a players health up to full, plus a few other benefits based on the player. The drawback is that the concoction exists IRL too, and the players have to drink it. The concoction is an absolutely disgusting mix of whatever old, leftover thing I have in my house that week. think old milk mixed with stale potato chips, cat food, and soap. My players frequently drink it and we have a good time laughing about how bad it tastes. But, the latest session ended with someone having an allergic reaction to the peanut butter i put in the concoction. they had an epipen on them, and are all good. one player thought we should retire the concoction because of the risks it poses, like allergies and a few players getting mildly sick from it. I think it's fine, they don't have to drink it, it's optional and my players have ways out of combat if they want to survive. So justices, is The Concoction too much? i await your blah blah something judgement
Jorgus
2024-08-19 18:13:53 +0000 UTCThe Case of the Absent Father Honorable judges and esteemed bailiff Jank, I present the case of the absent father. My dad plays D&D with me (the DM), and three of my friends. We do in-person, bi-monthly sessions, and are 17 sessions into the campaign. Of those sessions, my dad has shown up (in person) to three. Sometimes he phones in to play but it’s a hassle to describe the battlemap in detail, and it’s hard to hear him and for him to hear us, and other times he is completely absent. My quandary is: should I kick my dad out of the group to make things easier? I love my dad and I think he enjoys spending the time with me more than actually playing but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Also he’s a “margaritaville” kind of dad and he fits well into my pirate-themed campaign. I humbly await your opinion.
AwkwardFish L
2024-08-19 18:13:48 +0000 UTCTo the most honorable High Crit I implore on behalf of the lovely bailiff for the council to realize his worth! The diligent and handsome bailiff Hurwitz does nothing except faithfully serve the court and your addressing of him should reflect that. In other news, I present the case of the sleepy asshole who shouldn’t be invited back. I am reorganizing a campaign of my friends and I do not want to invite back one of them to play. In the previous campaign he has remarked that he feels very sleepy whenever we play, regularly misses sessions without notice, and (unrelated to DnD) is a wild misogynist. The problem is that the rest of my players feel uncomfortable with kicking him out. Should I make a new group chat for my party and ghost this horrible man, or let my players avoid the discomfort of cutting this toxic player from the group?
Matt M
2024-08-19 18:13:46 +0000 UTCTo the fabulous Justices and to the one who will never reign on the bench, I bring the simple yet tragic case of the fireball. I was in one of my very first campaigns and our party was headed to and unexplored island on boat. While traveling our party is accosted by fiendish hobgoblins in the most dangerous boat of the seas, during which was a strong storm. Our wizard threw a fireball at a large group of hobgoblin after getting on deck, but the DM ruled that because the spell component for a fireball is a small red bead the fireball was swept away. Due to this we had to go below deck, which led to my fighter accidentally killing 2 party members. (Bugbear stranglers are scary.) Was I wrong to be upset about the fireball being blown away in the wind or was the dm right to have stolen our wizards spell leading to a half party kill? P.S. I ask because I need to redeem my character. Had that fireball gone through, we would've managed to stay tother and I would'nt've have killed my friends. P.s. p.s those stranglers had a bonus action to move a held body in front of an attack.
Jay Clement
2024-08-19 18:13:36 +0000 UTCTo the mellifluous deacons of Dice Christ, I prostrate myself at your feet with a confession. About a year ago, I started playing in a campaign with my friends, most of which had never played before. Our party was in dire straits in a battle, and our level 3 cleric cast the spell Prayer of Healing, which would have healed everyone for quite a bit of health. I thought that seemed like a lot of healing, so I looked up the spell privately. I then saw it had a casting time of ten minutes. I pointed this out, and the cleric did something else with the turn. Ever since then, I have looked back on this moment and realized I was in the wrong to point it out if the DM was going to let it slide. I clasp my hands in a prayerful stance and ask for forgiveness. May Dice Christ deliver us from temptation. Amen.
Trevor M
2024-08-19 18:13:18 +0000 UTCTo the esteemed Crit, and the steamed Bailiff, I present the case of the Bird Bomb Bowel Movement. I am playing a home-brewed campaign set in Hyrule a la Breath of the Wild. One of my players is a Rito, flavoured as an Aarakocra, and keeps insisting that he should be able to poop on command while he flies over enemies. The table loves this idea and always asks for this too, but I don't want them to literally shit on my bad guys. For the record, he is a College of Lore Bard, and for his magical secrets he took Fireball, and the first time he cast it I asked "what does it look like when you cast it?" and without hesitation he said "it comes out of my ass of course!" Everyone loved this, and I thought it would satisfy their craving but they still ask every now and then for the ability to carpet bomb the battle field with bird poop. Justices, am I being too persnickety with poop, or am I justified with not wanting every aspect of my combat to be a joke?
Michael Wong
2024-08-19 18:12:05 +0000 UTCTo the honorable justices and dutiful bailiff Cake Hogdick. I was running a mall themed Christmas one shot for my sister and her friends who wanted to try out D&D. Solving the murder of a mall Santa and preventing the second coming of Krampus the one shot ended with the real Saint Nick arriving and offering the players a single Christmas wish. It was the end of the one shot and it didn’t really matter at this point. Things immediately went sideways when one of the players asked if they could wish for anything. When I said that there was no limit to the power of a Christmas wish, she wished that her boyfriend Greg (who was playing with us) was locked in a closet and brutally assaulted by Hyenas. They didn’t wish for Greg's player’s character to be assaulted by hyenas they wished for the player to be. The game was wrapping up and I didn’t have the time or energy to unpack why hyenas or why she would say that. So I narrated that their character is filled with the knowledge that in a different reality Greg was being viciously mauled by Hyenas. Greg asked if I was allowed to do that and I shrugged, not entirely sure. Justices, I ask you, was I wrong to “yes and” and grant this wild wish? Or should I have forced my player to ask for a different wish for this one shot.
Chazz
2024-08-19 18:11:53 +0000 UTCTo the tongue filled judges and their human girlfriend, Jonk: Many years ago I found a new 4th edition game. We would be meeting in person, and none of us new each other. Five players and the DM who was hosting. I arrived, getting a ride from one of the other players, finding a table set up in their kitchen which we all squeezed around. Totally normal home game scenario, but with two additional audience members, sat 5 feet from the table in the tiny living room: the DMs glaring wife holding their incredibly newly born baby. The wife was not happy that any of this was happening. The baby seemed chill. The vibes were excruciating. The DM messaged a few days later saying that he would no longer be able to host and the game fell apart immediately. Should I have offered to host? Should the baby have put in more effort? How long after a c-section should you wait before asking your wife to help move two tables together for a D&D night with strangers? I await your swift judgement.
Neil Dutton
2024-08-19 18:11:46 +0000 UTCMay it please the sword wielding justices and the jar jar binksliff: I'm DMing a game for my 3 younger siblings and my sister's boyfriend. Only one of them, the youngest, knew anything about DnD (after I introduced him to your show!) and so I just used my DnD Beyond to create their characters so they'd have access to everything I had on my account and I helped them build characters that were pretty optimized for the role they wanted to play in the party so that they could have fun playing their characters and I just printed their sheets for play. They're to the point where they understand their stats and how to build up their characters without too much help, and whenever they level up, I end up having to send them a million texts about what spells or abilities they can take so they can read through them and pick what they like. I said they should start taking control of their own character sheets, in part because I'd like to be surprised when they bring out new spells and abilities because it keeps me on my toes. But they don't *want* to handle their character sheets and they can't just use basic DnD Beyond anymore because we use stuff from things like Tasha's Cauldron and Xanathar's Guide. I don't mind, as my prep work is more overhead versus in the weeds, so I can improvise more easily if they don't do what I expect, and I don't reference their sheets to make fights super hard, but I think it would be more fun if I didn't know what they had. Is it fine if I handle their characters or should I make them do it themselves? They are all over 18, not sure if that makes a difference. I throw myself at the mercy of the court.
frogwithhumanhands
2024-08-19 18:11:39 +0000 UTCTo the honorable justices and that one guy who I think may have guested on 8 bit book club once? I give you the case the case of the cup cake caper. My long time dm has set up a part of our campaign where we’re spending time in a kingdom known for it’s sweets and baked goods. Every session a royal baker gives us a magic cup cake that grants us special bonuses during the session. Nothing crazy but they’re nice. Also out of game our DM very nicely bakes actual cupcakes and gives one to each player. One session In game my player failed trying to steal extra cup cakes and has since been banned from receiving them. This is fine with me. But now out of game my dm is refusing to let me have a real cup cake during the session claiming that it’s confusing because my player doesn’t have one. Should I accept my punishment and go cupcake-less IRL or is this very real ban on baked goods unfair treatment?
Will
2024-08-19 18:11:36 +0000 UTCTo the magnificent, magnanimous justices and the rad bailiff Josh, I bring to you a debate my brother and I have had the past few months: what type of damage does drowning deal? I declare that drowning is force damage, as a stand in for the water pressure. My brother, on the other hand, remains of the mind that it deals cold damage. Who is correct here, or are we both nincompoops of the highest degree, and it’s indeed a different type? How would you rule drowning dealt by damage? I await your always true and fair judgement.
Sophia
2024-08-19 18:11:14 +0000 UTCconfession: grandma trauma to the most lordly representatives of dice christ, i come to you with a confession. i was running a home brew campaign for 5 other players where they found themselves transported from a low magic world into a high magic cartoonish upside-down realm. i was running a halloween session where the players were separated into a haunted house and each player had a puzzle or trial to solve to get out before facing a mini boss. i randomly selected everyone’s trial, unfortunately my partner ended up with what can only be described as an encounter with a demon masquerading as an innocent grandma. i failed to take into account at the time that her grandma was very sick and did not have a whole lot of time left. with all these plates spinning i powered through despite her saying “i don’t like this” and we both ended up feeling pretty bad by the end of the session (everyone else said they had a blast). i have since shelved the campaign to run curse of strahd so i can get everyone their horror fix! i beg thee forgiveness!
eliza sleepker
2024-08-19 18:11:06 +0000 UTCHello my Honorable Judges and the nubile Bailiff Jack I present the case of the deadbeat Dad My cousin joined my already running campaign and his character's goal was to rescue his kidnapped 6 year old son. In real life he is an incredible father. I had the fun idea of making the boy vital to the main plot of the campaign. He however never brought his missing son up to the rest of the party. After about 6 months and 25 sessions it finally got brought up. Everyone in the party was obviously shocked that he never mentioned it. He said there was more pressing things to do. There were not. After another 6 months they finally beat the person capturing the son and he was free. My cousins first reaction was to get rid of the kid immediately, he wanted to put him in an orphanage, a school for magic, even a brothel?? The party was obviously shocked by his deadbeat dad behavior. I had made the son a vital part of the campaign and he was meant to travel with them everywhere but he wants no part of the boy. Am I wrong for having made the 6 year old boy a major part of the campaign expecting my cousin to be all for it or should I have waited to find out what kind of relationship with the boy my cousin wanted to have?
Fuzzboxx
2024-08-19 18:11:04 +0000 UTCMay it please the Burly Beautiful justices, murphy, axford and tanner, and the lowly Barf-liff Snake. I bring you the case of Heat Metal vs The Machines. About 2 years ago during college my dnd group was taking turns trying Dming. One of us, Andy, was dming his second session. Within we were fighting a duo of statues turned automaton guards. As a 3rd level druid, I thought it would be the perfect time to try out my new spell, heat metal. I was hoping to do some damage as well as make the statue drop its giant axe it was using to chop us to bits. Andy ruled that the statue would not take damage or drop its axe, considering that it was made of metal, heat would cause damage, but since automatons dont feel pain, there would be no reason to drop the axe. The table agreed with the Dm's ruling, however, years later, I still think about how the fight could have gone differently. So I ask you, honorable judges. Should the statue have dropped the axe, and should my druid have been a hero? I look forward to your ruling, and will take whatever decision as law. P.s. I look forward to Judge "Axe"fords ruling
Zachary Watson
2024-08-19 18:10:56 +0000 UTCto the cool cat collective and the bark baliff jorff, i present a confession slash seeking advice and i would like to remain anonymous...wuff wuff I slept with my DM, and it's now completely ruined our table dynamics. They're giving my favorable treatment despite me very clearly asking them not to, and the other players are beginning to notice and it's causing some resentment. The other players have picked up that DM has a crush on me and are annoyed i must be leaning on "pretty privilige" to get cool items which in fact im not. Im horrified and anxiously sick over it and have intentionally started pretending I havent crit during combat and instead lower the dice rolls to middling ones. Do I just get a new table? Do i take the capital L and cut the losses? DM is currently making my character the main one in the most bend over backwards ways and i've already talked to them several times to no avail. HELP :( Edit please note it was a one time slip up, not an ongoing thing
Shel B Kennas now 1st fav sprite girl. Triss hard seltzer, more like PISS hard seltzer. Congrats Tanner Wolffe Fam
2024-08-19 18:10:44 +0000 UTCTo the resplendent justices and that guy they let hang around, Jumanji, I think his name was, I present to you the case of the murdered PC. A few years ago, I, and a few friends who were all very new to DnD, decided to run a series of multiverse oneshots where we would keep the same characters session-to-session as we jumped from world to world. The problem occurred in just the second one shot, in which there was a PVP encounter. One of the other players (a ranger) had a wolf that they were also using to attack. In the course of this PVP, my PC was the one to slay the wolf. Additionally, due to no one at the table knowing that temp HP doesn't stack, my character (pact of the fiend warlock) was also fairly unkillable. This combination of things led to the ranger getting upset at me because not only did I kill her wolf, she couldn't manage to kill me in return. After the encounter, the DM looked up the rules for temp HP, I apologized for not knowing said rules, and all who had died (including the wolf) were brought back to life. I, mistakenly, thought that was the end of that. Oh, how I was wrong. When we touched down in the next world, the other party members ganged up on my character, knocked her out, and took her to a back alley, and proceeded to murder her with no intervention from the DM. When I reacted in shock, the ranger responded, saying that my character had killed her wolf and "what did you think was going to happen?" I was then told to roll a new character by the DM, and that "It's not that serious, it's only some oneshots." Needless to say, I didn't go back to that game. My question to you, oh high justices, is this: Am I right for thinking it was wild that the party killed my character and the DM let it happen? Or did it not matter that much because, after all, they were only oneshots?
Erin Perry
2024-08-19 18:10:42 +0000 UTCTo the holiest Apostles of Dice Christ and the rebellious alter boy Jake, I come before you with a confession from a humble and imperfect follower. The year was 2018, and I just joined my first Dnd party with a group of co workers after sharing that I would be down to try it. After a session 0, I came up with my character. His name was Carl Cabbageseed. A way of the four elements monk based on the cabbage merchant from Avatar the Last Airbender who was a fan of smashing skulls and replacing them with cabbages. Now to the sin. One of the monks class features is Step of the Wind, allowing you to use a ki point to dash as a bonus action. As a monk you also get Unarmored movement, giving you a bonus to your walking speed that increases as you level up. However, my Harry Potter reading level misread the unarmoured movement feature. My misreading led me to conclude that the bonus uarmoured movement gave you was cummlative for each level. So by level 6 I had a 95 ft speed. Resulting in being able to move close to 400 ft in a turn with just a dash and step of the wind. I used this constantly. Running up caves, walls, city alleyways, and anything I could get my grubby cabbage fingers on. No one was safe from the wrath of Carl Cabbageseed. My ignorance was soon replaced by disillusionment though when I found out my error from another party member in between sessions. That is when the dice devil tempted me to sin knowingly instead of just accidentally. Because while I and the party were aware of my error, the dm was completely oblivious despite him being the most experienced. And instead of coming clean I just kept my outrageous speed. However, another part of my ignorance could be seen as penance. Because for most of the campaign I wasn’t even adding my proficiency bonus to my attack rolls( We only got to level 7 before the pandemic stopped the campaign). Carl Cabbageseed has also been used(with normal speed) in several Extra Life dnd one shots to raise money for charity. Do these good deeds out way the evil? Or is there some other divine justice that is needed.
Peter Tschaekofske
2024-08-19 18:10:29 +0000 UTCTo the ever gorgeous justices and bailiff Jorf, of varying degrees of lowliness, I bring you a philosophical quandary regarding the ethics of animating dead. Our party includes a lawful good paladin and a chaotic neutral circle of spores druid. One of the druid's favored strategies is to cast animate dead, to which the paladin fervently protests every time, claiming it to be immoral dark magic. The druid defends her actions by saying that in this context, the reanimation is natural and beautiful. Her class ability describes it as a corticep-like fungus merely taking control of a soulless meat mech. The paladin refutes by saying it is still disrespectful to the dead, and has even gone as far as to warn the druid that if she continues, he may eradicate her new undead followers to put the bodies to rest. So I ask the honorable justices, do you side with our paladin, who believes our druid is committing an evil act of dark magic regardless of the context, or do you side with our druid, who believes she is simply a perpetuator of the natural cycle? We anxiously await your qualified ruling!
Court Davies
2024-08-19 18:10:26 +0000 UTCTo the "makes my girlfriend want to listen to NADDPod" justices, and the "actually, nevermind" bailiff. I present the case of 'Engulf V Fear'. A couple years ago, I DMed a 5th edition game for workers PLUS my younger brother (35 yrs old), a rogue of course. They were in combat on a boat with some water elementals that used their 'Whelm' ability to restrict my little brother. Because of the way that it's written, I flavored the ability as surrounding my little bro completely, as in "in the elementals space'", similar to a gelatinous cube. The problem came when the bard cast Fear, forcing the elemental to run. I ruled that because the player was just floating in a magic pool-creature, the monster would instinctively run without dropping the player. After some arguments from the players I gave the player a free saving throw to escape while the enemy was feared (which he failed and was mad about). Should I have dropped my brother, or was I right to give my players a hard time to scare the crap out of them? I will say it nearly ran off the ship, and the water elemental may have become a little-bit-of-pee elemental. I await your judgement! (ps, also don't feel bad if you say my name wrong.)
Basem H
2024-08-19 18:10:13 +0000 UTCTo these absolute knobs, May it challenge the court and upset the power they wield. I bring you the case of "WTF High Crit, you got a problem with me?" I have written in in the past for your assistance and all you do is punish me. My players fill up a bag with bombs - my fault. My player brings and OP roided out charisma laden God bird to the scrub match - my fault. My players name them selves all Tyler - not only my fault - but justice Murphy says he must make an example of me and creates the first NADDPOD precedent in my name. Furthermore, Justice Axeford openly stated on record she wished to torment me. I have clearly been targeted and I demand retribution from this kangaroo court. I ask YOU NADDPOLES if this tyranny should continue. Good day. P.S. I don't even like this show.
Tyler Dowd
2024-08-19 18:09:29 +0000 UTCJustices Axford, Tanner, and Murphy. Lowly Jon Cakeman. May it please the court: *stumbles and drops note cards* Uh oh, I seem to have misplaced my notecards. Let me just — SURPRISE ROUND!! Say you’re a group of comedians who started a wildly successful d&d podcast. You became so famous that your favorite Yoga Youtuber, Adriene from Yoga with Adriene, said she wanted to join you for a one-shot DM’ed by Emily. On the day you’re supposed to get together to play, you’re all ready at the Two-dio and you get a call from an unknown number. You pick up and it’s Adriene, she says “sorry I’m running late, there was an incident on my way there” After 15-20 minutes, there’s a knock at your door. When you open it, you see someone dressed like the Grinch, or heck maybe the Grinch themself, and they say “I’m ready to play”. After letting them in, you sit in an uncomfortable silence for a minute. After Murph asks “how are you?” the Grinch replies quickly with “I TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT”. What do you do next?
thiswayjose
2024-08-19 18:09:20 +0000 UTCTo the mostly correct judges and whoever it doesn’t matter bailiff, I present to you the case of “the dream that ate my lion”. I was playing with a fairly new group that had met over a local Discord server, and we had been playing weekly for a couple of months at this point. One session near Halloween, he decided to run a more spooky themed session, with our characters coming across an abandoned house full of scary stuff, and ultimately a zombie infestation. When we got inside for the first time, the DM tells us all to look around and search the house. My Halfling Paladin had a Lion steed named Milo that was like a party pet, provided by the DM. At the DMs insistence that a lion would have a hard time walking around this house, I left him in a small room by the fire to watch over the party’s supplies. Shortly after, he tells us a hoard of zombies invaded the house, and my lion was promptly ripped apart and eaten. Horrified I nearly left right then, but we fought off the zombies until the last one fell, along with a mystical treasure, and we all woke up in a nearby tavern surrounding a suspiciously spiked ale. It was at this point that the DM revealed that it had all been a dream, and there had never been a haunted house. As we all thanked the DM for the session, I asked about Milo saying it sucked to lose him like that, glad it was a dream. The DM told me “oh no, Milo’s dead, that is still canon.” Judges, was I right to be upset at the quick, unceremonious death of my pet, which for some reason still counted despite it being a dream? I’m still mad, but I’ll respect your decision.
Steve Graham
2024-08-19 18:09:17 +0000 UTCWondrous Justices and the other guy, I have a confession for Dice Christ. My party (just 2 of us but we each play two characters) was fighting a beholder who had a cone of no magic active from one of his eyes. One of my PCs got hit by a Disintegration Ray and went down and turned into dust. My other character, a paladin, misty stepped to avoid an attack of opportunity and crit on the beholder, killing him. But she started her turn within the cone of no magic so should not have been able to misty step. I confessed to the DM later and he said he noticed at the time but didn't say anything (I might have been crying about the disintegrated PC) but I still feel guilty about it. Please absolve me of my sin against Dice Christ!
Clairodactyl
2024-08-19 18:08:57 +0000 UTCTo the everglowing justices and Amir's personal secretary, I present to you the case of #WINDMILLGATE : I've was running a long form campaign with all my friends that lasted 3-4 years.one of my friends wanted to play a homebrew race based on the Tauren from World of Warcraft, I approved. During the middle of the campaign the party had to sneak in to 3 windmill bases to get informations, these windmills were spread put upon a grassy field that was littered with the remains of destroyed airships (basically an airship graveyard). My Tauren player then asked if he could pick up one of these MASSIVE windmills embitted in the ground and use it then sneak around the field in a Looney tunes ass move. I rejected the idea saying there was no way he himself would be able to pick up an Enormous structure and have it move around with no one noticing in broad daylight. He then proceeded to the math and calculated the strength of average Taurens in WoW against the height and weight of this windmill. He showed me that the math supported his theory but I still shutdown the idea and we moved on. Til this day #WINDMILLGATE still has it's mentions in our player group so I ask this, was my player asking too much in wanting to lift up and carry a LARGE ASS structure that's basically a building and pull a looney tunes or was I being too much of a hard ass and denied the potential looney and cartooney vibes to our campaign ? I humbly await your judgment.
Abraham Dorado
2024-08-19 18:08:29 +0000 UTCTo the highest supreme court justices and what’s his name: I’m a pretty new DM, running a group of 7-8 players every week. We have one player who works openings (4:30AM) so he only comes once, maybe twice a month. My problem with him rises when we enter combat: a few weeks ago I just happened to walk by his computer after setting up combat and noticed he had pulled up my monster’s stat block! I told him to close that, and that that wasn’t fair at all, plus I don’t stay strictly to the stat block, I like to add/subtract HP and abilities. He told me that if I was a good DM, I would stick to the stat block, even if it ended in a TPK and him having the stat block up is no more cheating than memorizing the monster manual is. I humbly ask your opinions. Am I in the wrong? Should I confiscate his laptop when combat starts?
Tyler Roberts
2024-08-19 18:08:23 +0000 UTCTo the Charming Justices and the very Demure Bailiff, I present the case of the Overpowered Homebrew barbarian. My best friend joined our long-term campaign years ago and he wanted to play a shaman style barbarian similar to the shamans from world of Warcraft. So we home brewed a barbarian subclass and I've been giving him fun little abilities as he's resonated with the various elemental Lords. But I did not realize he was also taking the totem barbarian subclass features and bonuses. This has led to him having two subclasses worth of bonuses and abilities and quite frankly he's overpowered as hell! But we are in the last five sessions or so of the campaign and I feel like correcting him now would be silly. Do I simply scale up the enemies to adjust for his huge amount of damage he's putting out? I worry that will threaten the other players who are rolling proper characters that don't have two subclasses and a bunch of craziness on their character sheet. Am I the one at fault here but for not checking his character sheet more off often and catching this sooner? I humbly await your input and will honor your decision.
Storypaladin
2024-08-19 18:08:22 +0000 UTCHello to the judicious Justices and I guess bailiff Hake Jurwitz is also there. Today I bring the case of above board confusion. I play in a campaign where the DM provided us with two NPCs while traveling through a very dangerous flooded town where monsters were swimming underneath and we were tasked with traveling across rooftops. However, one of our party fell into the water. The DM gave us the choice of having one of the NPCs with them in the water, a Druid or a Barbarian. We chose the Druid and the DM said “Are you SURE you want the Druid?” Listening to the implicit DM wink we switched to the barbarian. Cut to the combat that ensued and we find out the reason the DM wanted us to pick the barbarian. Turns out the bbeg needed the barbarian and the combat was a trap orchestrated to get him. I could not help but feel cheated by this. Was this an abuse of the “DM wink wink” rule? I leave myself at the mercy of the court
Elias Roessler
2024-08-19 18:08:00 +0000 UTCDear Dice Christ I am a hypocrite and a sinner! I wrote in before about my campaign with Fat bastard. Fortunately we continued to play without him and had a blast. However I see myself becoming who I most fear. I started playing in a campaign hosted by another friend and im a mastermind rough warlock multiclass. I’ve specked out deception and have the mask of many faces. My characters deal is that he takes over peoples lives if they die or move away but is bringing to get confused as to who he is when he can be anyone. Well instead of expiring that when it came to playing I began to quote Dana Carver’s we’ll know and beloved character Pistachio, The Master of Disguise. It got a laugh from the other players and now I can’t stop! Am I a hypo-Crit doomed to pay for my judgment of Fat Bastard or will dice Christ bless my reference?
Jesse Dunlap
2024-08-19 18:07:59 +0000 UTCTo the spicy judges and the sweet cake based bailiff Jake, I present to you the case of “I got sent to solitary confinement” ): In my friend’s homebrew campaign, I play a lvl 5 paladin and we had to jailbreak our warlock’s parents. I was excited, until the plan started heading towards the stealthy direction. My chain mail armour gives me disadvantage on stealth checks and I did not want to ruin my party’s chances, so I suggested I could hit the powerlines nearby with thunder smite to try and cut the power and give them a better chance at stealthing. One of the party members said that “in real life, a prison would go in lock down and we could not do anything”. Our DM agreed with me and I was excited, but everyone refused to let me help in that way and instead, made me take off my armor and pretend to be a prisoner for them to lock in. I expressed my discomfort, but agreed once they seemed determined to do so. Long story short, they almost got caught and I started making noise to help, which got my character sent into solitary confinement with no armor, no weapons, no happiness, which led to my party being very mad at me. We have since moved on, but I still feel bad thinking about it. Honorable judges, was I in the wrong for desperately trying to help my party in my own ways? This chain mail jingly paladin awaits your judgement.
Ellie
2024-08-19 18:07:10 +0000 UTCMay it please the ever so honorable judges, and that one guy who kind of reminds me of a weird kid I knew in middle school, I think his name was Joey. I bring to you the case of the "one man show". I was playing in a campaign with some friends of mine. We were on a quest to stop a cult from summoning the god Orcus, and the quest has led us to the hometown of one of the PCs, a fighter barbarian named Ajax. Noteably, he was very concerned about his parents, and decided to ride ahead to check on them. We tried to stop him, but he insisted, so we had a PC who didn't need sleep follow after him to make sure he was okay. One of our players was vocally against it, saying it pulled away a lot of time from the rest of the party, and would make it a one man show for most of the next session. The story doesn't quite end there. A couple sessions later, we entered the lair of the cultists and had a big boss fight against a grey dragon, and a spawn of Orcus who was going to sacrifice Ajax's mother. Unfortunately, Ajax didn't get to do much in the fight, as the dragon frightened him and put up a wall between him and the rest of the fight. The player who was against him going ahead by himself in the previous session, named Dussel, was able to dimension door his mother out, and turned them both invisible to hide and wait. Once the fight was over, Ajax left for the entrance to try and find them, hoping he could get a scene with Dussel and his mom. But, Dussel stayed invisible, and didn't give him that scene. When pressed about it, the player made the mom uninvisible, said "Enjoy your one man show", and left the discord call to go to bed, as he had work in the morning and we ran a bit long. Justices, I ask you this. I understand why the player was frustrated about Ajax going by himself. The next session was rather focused on him, but did he take it too far when Ajax wanted to have that scene? Or should Ajax have listened in the first place and stayed with the party? I patiently await your decision.
Armis
2024-08-19 18:06:06 +0000 UTCTo the most honorable justices Murphy, Axforf, and Tanner, as well as Jake who is a cool guy. I bring to you the case of the murdered pixies. I was playing in an adventurer’s league module in which we were going to deliver a letter to someone. Lo and behold, we found our contact, but she was asleep beneath some pixie guards. When my gnome wizard approached, the pixies threatened me to stay back with their pixie bows! So, my beautiful shakira gnome ice knifed them since I thought they were hostile. Turns out they had 5 hp each and all instantly died. The table razzed me for being trigger happy and I was blamed for ending the module early, but I still think I was in the right. Was I wrong for shooting first? My bootylicious gnome awaits your judgement…
Amanda M
2024-08-19 18:06:05 +0000 UTCMurph: can we have a Grinch campaign?
Shane C
2024-08-19 18:06:01 +0000 UTCMay it please the court and the unconventionally handsome bailiff, I present to you the case of the unrepentant player. Once in a session I was DMing, my most problematic player—a tortle named Hektor—snuck into a friendly vampire’s crypt and beseeched him for his assistance in a very personal quest. The vampire, who had his own obligations and no real motivation to help someone he had just met earlier that day, politely declined and retreated into his coffin for the night. Hektor’s next words have lived in infamy ever since: “I light the coffin on fire.” While the CR 13 vampire easily could have killed my best friend’s level 3 tortle, I (somewhat regrettably) showed mercy by having the vampire simply mark Hektor as a thrall whose service could be called upon at any time. Important context for this is that I started this session by reminding the party—6 of my silliest friends—that D&D is a game about consequences, and going forward if they said that their character did or said something, I wouldn’t be giving them a second chance by asking the classic DM warning: “are you sure you want to do that?” Most lawful court, did I make a mistake by showing leniency after my friend so obviously challenged my authority? I humbly await your decision.
Ross Gilliland
2024-08-19 18:06:00 +0000 UTCVenerable Justices and the Breedable Bailiff Jake, I present to you The Fowl Case of Maverick The Goose. A player in a game I’m DMing, is a Kobold named “Goose, The Maverick”. I decided to introduce Goose’s namesake as a silly animal encounter. The party came across a belligerent Goose, and were immediately enamoured by his antics. Through some successful Animal Handling checks, Goose was able to encourage the animal to join them. He would waddle alongside the party, hissing indiscriminately at passers-by. He was affectionately named: “Maverick The Goose”. Later, during combat with an enemy Paladin, Goose sent Maverick into the fray. Given Maverick had a paltry 7 HP, I had actively made the enemy paladin ignore him, as I knew he could be killed by anything more powerful than a light breeze. However, forgetting Maverick was right next to the enemy, the party’s Sorcerer cast fireball, clipping Maverick and inflicting over 20 points of damage. His goose, as they say, was cooked. Goose then said “Don’t worry, I can re-summon him, as he is my familiar”. To which I said, “No you absolutely cannot, he was a regular goose”. Goose was furious. He started berating me for “giving him a companion, then taking it away”. I highlighted that, friendly fire aside, he willingly marched a 7 HP goose to within Smiting distance of a Paladin, so he’s hardly a compelling advocate for goose conservation. He said that if a DM is giving the players an animal companion, he should be hardier than the regular stat block, or at least be re-summonable. Am I in the wrong? I prostrate myself before the court.
Careless Whisker
2024-08-19 18:05:46 +0000 UTCTo the benevolent justices and that guy who lives in the trash can, I think his name is John, I present to you the case of the sleeping dwarf. I was in my very first campaign playing as a dwarven paladin. In one of our sessions, we were in a dungeon crawl and the warlock in our party had found a potion. She drank some and it had healed her. Our DM had told us there was enough for someone else to drink as well and since I needed some health, I took a drink. However, when I drank it, I ended up falling unconscious. My party tried to wake my character up using several checks, spells and potions but my DM said there was no way. The session ended with me being unconscious. At our next session, I was still out as my party continued to fight monsters, find treasure, and trek through the dungeon. I thought I might get a dream sequence or some sort of vision for the session, but no, I literally did not get to do a single thing the entire session! Not only that, this entire dungeon lasted another 2 sessions, which meant that I had 3 sessions where I did not get to do a single thing the entire time. I would argue with my DM that this mechanic doesn’t make sense and I would try and ask if there was anything I could do to come out of consciousness, but he always just said that was his ruling. I almost pulled a Murph and thought about just quitting and getting a new group, but my character was finally awake after we escaped the dungeon. Justices, was my DM wrong for putting my character to sleep for 3 sessions with nothing to do, or am I overreacting. I humbly await your judgment. PS: My DM is a good friend of mine and this seemed like an isolated incident as the rest of the campaign was really fun.
Alex Goveo
2024-08-19 18:05:18 +0000 UTCTo the beloved and benevolent Justies (Justice Besties) and the lowly Snore-liff John, I bring to you a case of identity theft. May it please the court I was incredibly lucky with finding my first ever dnd group online, and have played with them for about seven years. The biggest issue is our DM has a lot of ideas, and frequently tends to drop campaigns to start new ones. In one of these dropped campaigns, I played a no-nonsense astronomer who hated astrology/witchcraft/those kinds of things. As a fun foil to my character, the DM introduced an NPC named Rachel [important], who was *incredibly* into magic/astronomy and could read fortunes. However he's focusing up and starting to put together a brand new homebrewed campaign. Recently, our DM mentioned that he'd like to bring Rachel over to this new campaign. However, he got her name wrong and called her Rebecca... Normally I wouldn't worry so much about such a little discrepancy, however... Rebecca is my name. These guys only know me by my Discord name, and I've never told them my real name. I don't want to correct my DM for fear of seeming rude or pedantic, but on the other hand, I'm not sure how I'd feel about an NPC having my name. I've definitely known many other Rebeccas in my life (there were three of us in marching band!), but I worry that the comedy of the situation may wear off quickly. Do I correct the DM on his own lore, or sit quietly through something that only inconveniences me? I await your verdict. P.S. To add to the hilarity, once when I was younger I went by the name Rachel for about a month because I didn't want to correct the person getting my name wrong (I've also done this with the name Jessica at work). I'm sure the Baliff can relate
Rebecca N
2024-08-19 18:04:56 +0000 UTCI submit to the court: the case of personal hell: While stealing a plane shift gem from the villains, one player accidentally activated one and was sent to hell, where they started rescuing NPCs. The other players met the villain who offered them a gem, but told them a different way to use it than they had been. They decided the villain was lawful evil and wouldn't lie, despite many people, including the villain herself, calling her a monster. So when they followed her instructions they ended up trapped in Hell, requiring a beloved NPC to sacrifice themself to get them out. My players were extremely upset with me, not only for killing their friend, but for not telling them the villain could be lying, and also not benching the player who went ahead until the rest of the party could join them since they encountered friends and family of the PCs in personalized hells that they wanted to interact with. Were my decisions acceptable, or am i a DM not even worthy to lick the lowly baliff's shoes?
ZZ Digital
2024-08-19 18:04:44 +0000 UTCDear dumb dumbs and the one who can’t see me. I bring fourth the case of me vs my dm. I joined a dnd group a bit ago, a few red flags I’ve ignored have been that the dm has 6 predetermined paths planned that we can’t change. The monsters we fought have made the surrounding area thier domain ( think jjk caldwell), which they can see everything in. I roll very high for my stealth being a rogue but the enemies always see cause of it no matter if they roll or not. Also not to mention he uses AI to help him write his campaign. I have taken Murphs advice and since left the campaign he has stated “ I’m sorry we just have thicker skin than you” as he has called me names which was another red flag. Dear court am I a character or just another npc in a prewritten book. I beg for your mercy. Yabadabado
Josh Zellers
2024-08-19 18:04:30 +0000 UTCTo the honorable judges and the silly little guy. I present The case of the unwanted backstory I run a campaign with my wife and several very good friends. Including my wife's best friend, they are all new players and learned the basics rather quickly, they all provided backstories that I try to include details from as often as possible, except my wife's best friend. Her story was that she was raised on her mom's drug farm and her dad left them. One session I peppered in some details that her dad may not have left but was just in hiding from an evil government for being a rebel and lied to protect them. This information was received with no reaction. Later, my wife told me she didn't want her dad in the story and didn't want to be the center of attention at all. Judges I ask, is it okay to gently nudge her into possible character progression? Or should I let her fade into the background and focus on the other players? I kneel before the court
Alien butt puppet
2024-08-19 18:04:26 +0000 UTCTo the SCJs and the WTF, When I was a fledgling D&D player, I played as a half-orc barbarian who was exiled from his tribe. When the campaign eventually required us to return to my village, there was a contest of strength being held there and an opportunity presented itself for me to redeem my worth to the tribe in 1 on 1 combat with another warrior. I was privately messaged by a fellow player, a much more experienced one with a much more optimized monk character, asking what my max damage output was. My build was very vanilla and we were only level 4 or 5, so the number was low. In our next roleplay with the contest’s event coordinator, the monk convinced the coordinator that it should be a team fight instead of a 1 on 1 fight without consulting me or my character first. The fight ended up going well thanks to it being a group effort, and I probably would have gotten my ass kicked in the 1 on 1 fight, (not to mention, it’s more fun for everybody to be in a combat together than just 1 person) but I can’t help feeling a little ripped off all these years later. Was I wronged by my fellow player or was it ultimately better for the group that we participated in the combat together?
Clint Schaffer
2024-08-19 18:04:15 +0000 UTCTo the Roomba using judges and that guy who I think owes the judges money. I bring the case of the stolen ring and sleepy dragon cat. I was playing a game of 5e with other first time players and a first time DM, I was playing a pact of the chain warlock(relevant). We had cleared a tower and my character found a ring which I took to the wizard to try and find out what it does. He rolls and finds out it's a ring that gives +1 dex. He tells my character it is a cursed ring and I should hand it over. My fairy tale hero loving warlock decided he would carry the burden of this curse and put it in his bag(not equipped). I miss the next session, only to be told after that the ring was lifted from my PC while he was sleeping, and that the whole party was fine with that, despite only the wizard knowing it's true power. I argue that my familiar should have intervened, a pseudo dragon, to which one player argued that they are like cats, and one that I trapped as my pet thus it would be unwilling to help me. He also argued that all players essentially share an inventory so why does it matter. So I ask the judges, am I wrong to be upset that this role-playing opportunity was taken, and for my cute dragon buddy to be reduced to an unwilling cat that hates me. P.S this argument ended up being a cause for the end of the game, it wasn't the main reason tho. I am still friends with all of them
Sprite, no not the soda
2024-08-19 18:04:12 +0000 UTCTo the most esteemed council of Dice Christ, I lay myself at your feet in the pursuit of forgiveness. A few years ago I was in the tournament arc of our dnd campaign, and I was playing a wild-magic barbarian, battle master fighter multiclass. Our DM said that the breaks in between each round would count as a short rest, so as we were using D&D Beyond, I would press the short rest button between rounds. After 4 rounds of using my battle master maneuvers and rages, my DM asked if I had been regaining my superiority dice and rages between rounds as he didn’t mean “Short Rest” he meant we could roll hit dice, not a full short rest. I then panicked and lied and said I was not and was down to my last dice and rage so as not to get in trouble. So I ask for forgiveness for misinterpreting my DMs use of “Short Rest” and accidentally breaking the rules
Andrew Fournier
2024-08-19 18:04:08 +0000 UTCMay it please the wise keepers of the holy crit and that guy who stands at the confessional and announces our sins, I come to you with a confession. 3yrs ago, I started playing in a Rime of the Frostmaiden campaign where I met my fellow players for the first time during session 1. It has been fantastic and we are all the best of friends now. However, I made a bold mistake very early on that has weighed in my conscience ever since. During our 3rd session, we were locked in a depate among the party on whether or not to assist a town in need or to allow the town to turn against the mayor which would assist the medieval Mafia that our party was loosely affiliated with. All but 1 of us was on board to become "made men" and helping the criminal organization. This player (lawful good) was threatening to rat us out if we went through with it. So... I casted Sleep on them. We then proceeded to tie them up, lie to the towns people that he was delusional and a danger to others, and left him on the side of the road penniless and alone, kicking the character out of the party and causing the player to create a new one, which they were happy to do as it was very comical. This was the point that I realized my mistake. I was playing a bard, and I didn't realize bards can't prepare spells each day. So, Sleep was not on my original spell list. I added it after a rest for this plan to work... Luckily, the campaign has continued and has been an experience we will remember forever. Our DM even made the abandoned character an ongoing villain hell bent on revenge! But I always wonder what could've happened if I hadn't accidentally broken the rules and changed my spells... I kneel before you hoping for absolution, but accept any punishment you see fit.
PlausiblyPJ
2024-08-19 18:04:05 +0000 UTCNo case, I think you look very handsome today, bailiff.
Nick Gamber
2024-08-19 18:03:50 +0000 UTCTo the Venerated and Illustrious Justices and Baby Bailiff Jort, I present the case of the DM Monologues. For the past year, I have been in a lovely campaign with some friends from work and our partners. Our DM is very invested and has been brewing up the world for a long time, which has allowed for rich stories to emerge. However, lately, there has been less shared world building and more world-telling. Recently, he has been spending upwards of 20-30 min narrating flashbacks, dreams, conversations between NPCs, and other scenarios where rolls seem to make little to no difference and outcomes are essentially predetermined. At our most recent game, a new player joined us for their first ever DND session. Our DM opened this session with OVER AN HOUR of these predestined scenes one-on-one with each individual established player at the table. Midway through one scene, he even stood up from his chair, and sang a 2 min adapted karaoke Disney song in the persona of one of his NPCs. All of this happened BEFORE the new player introduced himself. I love this campaign and want to create stories WITH my party and the DM, but feel increasingly like a passive audience member. Am I responsible for redirecting the group or should our DM recognize its wrong to turn our campaign into non-consensual musical theater?
lorbs
2024-08-19 18:03:50 +0000 UTCHonorable justices and the (insert appropriate adjective here) bailiff. I come to you with a case of possible self robbery? I was DMing a heist at an auction and one of my players decided to cast suggestion on another auction goer, Thaddeus, and asked them to give the party all of his money to help reimburse them for the money they had to spend to win the auction and claim the artifact they were originally there to steal. Long story short a teleportation mishap cause Thaddeus to take force damage twice his hp, killing him before he could give anyone any money. But the question is, can you cast suggestion on someone to make them give you all of their money, about a total of 15,000 gold, or would this be considered a harmful act against themselves? I await your fair and just ruling.
Kevin Alman
2024-08-19 18:03:42 +0000 UTCMay it please the profoundly profane Justices Murphy, Axford and Tanner and suck for Tucker's cuck, Juck. I bring before you today the case of the the note-taking note taker. I'm currently DMing a 5e campaign set in an alternate 1920s New York. A few months ago one of my players - and titular stenographer - had to temporarily leave the campaign due to work commitments. As the self appointed treasurer it fell to their Mastermind Rogue to hand-over the party's hard earned stacks prior to going on hiatus, something that both the player and their character were reluctant to do thanks to their friends' proclivity for gambling, drinking and getting mugged in shady back-alleys. Eventually they relented, painstakingly providing an inventory down to the last nickel and dime along with a warning to the party that they would expect it back on their return. Needless to say over the following weeks the party did everything in their power to blow through the cash: no odds were too long, no scotch too expensive and no alley too uninviting. On their return the Rogue received only a couple of bucks and a light razzing regarding the paultry state of the treasury. At this point they replied - and I quote - "You really think I'd trust you chucklefucks with our entire stash?" It turns out they'd only handed-over half of what the party had earned, keeping the rest back so as to avoid just this situation. The players were in uproar, saying that their PCs would have obviously noticed the Rogue pocketing such a large sum of cash or should at least have been allowed to roll for it. The Rogue's player disagreed, simply stating that if the other players learnt how to write or do 2nd grade math they would have picked it up. I admitted that I had noticed the discrepancy but since nobody else at the table raised it, chose not to mention the difference, further angering the group. Eventually I allowed for retrospective deception and slight of hand rolls against their passive insight and perception - all of which were beaten handily with a 26 and 31 - but the party maintains even this compromise to be (and again I quote) "Utter bullshit." So, I ask you - Judges and Juck - was the note taker wrong for using out of character character flaws against our friends? Was the party right to be aggrieved at being so fiscally whomped? Or should I as DM have called for a roll and revealed the duplicity sooner? I - and my players - will take note of your decision.
CJ
2024-08-19 18:03:36 +0000 UTC**Nods** Your Honors… jake… Our DM likes to give us really great equipment early and balances it with stronger more interesting monsters. They also use Nat 1’s on attack rolls to be auto crits on allies. Should a Nat 1 be so powerful? Shouldn’t the attack roll still have to beat our player’s AC? It hasn’t caused any TPK or happened in any tragic scenes, but it has steered my character away from being a high AC build. I’m a Sorcerer/Hexblade Warlock and usually attacked from afar with Eldrich Blast and had the high AC to stay safe despite my low health. But I’ve had to change to a glass cannon build since I wasn’t usually taking damage outside of friendly fire.
Skillful Ferret
2024-08-19 18:03:35 +0000 UTCTo the esteemed crit judges who are looking pretty cute up there, are you guys free after the hearing? I bring to you the case of the “Short Rest” disparity. A few years ago in a campaign with my friends online in our DMs homebrew world, our party came to a new town and participated in the combat tournament to win a large cash prize. My wild magic barbarian-battle master multiclass half orc tiefling entered the solo pool, and our monk and eldritch knight entered the duo pool, the parties warlock stayed in the crowd for fear of being flattened into a pancake. Our DM stated that in between rounds counted as a short rest, and we alternated between my solo fight and their tag team so one group would rest while the other fought. However, after a few rounds of me regaining my superiority dice from clicking “Short Rest” in D&D Beyond, my DM asked how I was able to do so many battle maneuvers and I replied by saying I was taking a short rest like he said to do. The DM sounded irritated and remarked that he only meant for me to roll my hit die and that I shouldn’t have been regaining my superiority die. I mentioned that the monk had been regaining their Ki points with each rest and the DM stated that the Ki points weren’t as powerful as my barbarian having access to maneuvers so they were allowed to get their Ki back. So I ask you, oh wise and powerful judges, and the other guy I just noticed he’s here, was I wronged by my DM or was my PC wrongfully and unfairly neutered.
Andrew Fournier
2024-08-19 18:03:35 +0000 UTCTo the most renowned justices and the amazing baliff tucker (tell Jill I said wassup!) I bring the case of the secret g-spot. A while back I was in a campaign where one of my fellow players was in an intimate moment with their Romantic interest. (I'm sure you know what I'm talking bout tucker!) The PC wanted to cast locate object on the NPC's g spot. We all laughed, but one of the players jokingly said that they should be using locate creature, since it is technically a bunch of nerves. (aka living cells) This never became an actual problem, but it brings up the question. Would a G-spot require a locate object, or locate creature spell? I await the judgement of the court.
Dylan Jackson
2024-08-19 18:03:30 +0000 UTCare ghosts organic? to the highest of the realms’ court, and those who preside over it, and the bailiff ****, I present the case of the shatter spell vs the organic ghosts In a midnight attack that awoke the party by dropping one of the PCs & a BELOVED NPC, then splitting the group two and two, a group of banshees and will-o-wisps set up a fun challenge. It was a hard fight, with at least one PC dropping every round, and tensions were high to try and keep everyone safe. With her surrogate father figure under risk of soul-sucking, the sorcerer, Sienna, cast Shatter. She then asked: “since a ghost is dead, therefore not made of living things anymore, is it considered inorganic material?” She then argued that because spell’s wording says “any creature of inorganic material has disadvantage on saving throws,” the banshee should roll with disadvantage. I, as the DM, hesitantly said no, they are organic, which lead to 15 minutes of research and a heated (but friendly) debate that split the table. It ended with a “fuck science, magic is real, I’m the dm” and combat continued with no hard feelings. It sticks in my mind, even months later, so I beg the court to weigh in. Are ghosts organic material, or should I have given the them disadvantage on the save?
Lee
2024-08-19 18:03:20 +0000 UTCTo the honorable justices Axford, Tanner and Murphy and the lowly but lovely balif I present to you the case of the stolen dragon battle. I play a multi-classed barbarian/warlock in a campaign with two other people. One of which is a paladin who plays in the mode of “I will do whatever I want in this game, even if it fucks over my team”. A previous example of this was that he poisoned an entire town of people because they worshipped a different god, killing off the NPC we needed information from and consequently destroying a book we needed to continue our quest. We don’t get to play very often, so I try to ignore his chaotic behavior and enjoy the game. At our most recent session our DM gave us a heads up that there would be a big battle and that we would be leveling up afterwards. We fought our way through a mountain of minor monsters and made it to the top of a tower. Our mission was to collect an orb, remove it from the tower and destroy it (which would also destroy the tower). Upon entering the room, we are met with an ice dragon. This would have been the first dragon we have fought in this campaign, so I was excitedly planning my moves, and organizing my spell cards. Unfortunately, our paladin rolled a nat 20 on initiative and decided to misty step past the dragon, smash the orb, which collapsed the tower with us all inside. We each took 8 d6 of falling damage (probably should have been more, but our DM felt sorry us), with our ranger almost perma-dying. Our DM was shocked and didn’t know how to handle the rest of the session. He decided to allow us to level up, despite not getting to actually gain the experience via a badass dragon battle. I felt really bad for our DM who doesn’t have much time to prepare sessions and had put a lot of effort into planning for the dragon battle. The paladin justified his decision by saying the objective was the destroy the orb, not fight the dragon, and as a lawful good paladin the objective always comes first. Am I wrong for feeling annoyed at our paladin for making us miss out on a really cool battle and almost killing us all? Side note, are we going to be cursed by dice Christ for leveling up without earning it? I humbly await your decision and leave my newly acquired spell slots at your mercy. P.S. I was listening to an old D&D court episode and Emily had asked if bailiffs eat lunch with the judge. I go to court weekly for my job and the bailiff does eat with the judge! They are buddies. One time we ate donuts before court to celebrate the bailiffs birthday!
Stephanie R.
2024-08-19 18:03:07 +0000 UTCI bring a confession to the hallowed halls of Dice Christ. My husband and I both play in a local group, and we've been working our way through a Spelljammer Academy campaign. Last session, I went to roll for an attack and got a 3, but before I was able to announce my roll, another player bumped the table hard enough to rattle it and the dice shifted to an 18. My husband and I both watched it happen, and as our eyes met over the now-shifted dice, before I could say anything, he said "18" out loud for the DM to hear. I didn't correct him, and proceeded to roll my damage dice. Justices- how can I continue on, knowing that my husband is a sinner and I, his unholy accomplice? I prostrate myself before the 20-sided altar, await for divine judgement.
Squibbles
2024-08-19 18:02:51 +0000 UTCThe Daddy Killing Patron To the incredibly badass judges and the plain bad bailiff Jared, I give you the case of the patron-less daddy killer. There’s a lot to this case so I will keep it as brief as possible. I played a sea elf fathomless warlock of a noble background with a surfer/stoner vibe and a distrust of authority. She’s at a school to get away from her overprotective parents who sent her there with a necklace of sending. (I have explicitly said to my DM I am excited to play this class and that I did not want an evil patron.) During their adventures, my character was given a flute by an evil entity. Not wanting the responsibility, she destroyed it. As she did, her patron began to scream into her head something about freedom and “destroying all the sea elves”. Concerned, my character decides to use her necklace of sending to call her dad to ask if he knows anything about her patron. When she contacts her dad in a FaceTime-y way, her dad screams at her that she has doomed her whole city by destroying this flute. Turns out that destroying the flute resulted in her patron being released from the plane her city elders were keeping it. A tentacle then rose from the water and skewered her father. (Keep in mind my character saw all this in a “Facetime”.) My character ran to the headmaster of the school to get help and he opened a portal to her home city which was being destroyed by my character’s patron. Suddenly, my patron got sucked into the sky without any explanation. My DM then turns to me and says I’ve lost all my warlock levels and had to choose a new class! He stood there smiling at me waiting for my answer. He was surprised when I said my character killed herself and then I quit the campaign. He quit DMing this campaign after this because he “got bored”. So I ask this of you judges, was I wrong to be miffed and should have waited to see where the cool storyline he supposedly had planned went or did I have every right to be upset? I await your humble ruling. PS sorry if this confusing. I had to condense a lot.
Darkrisky
2024-08-19 18:02:35 +0000 UTCTo the wonderful Court Justices and their side piece Jack, I bring you the case of Strahd vs the Sentient Pudding. A few years ago, I was running Curse of Strahd for some friends. One of whom, was playing the Ooze race which he flavored as being sentient Tapioca. At some point during the campaign, he figured out that he needed to move house to a town about 30 minutes away. He also decided he no longer was going to play and he was going to try to end the campaign. He did not tell us this, however. When Strahd invited the party to dinner, everyone else agreed to dress up and bring some food to really get immersed in the dinner. The party was level five at this point. Tapioca’s player showed in dressed as “a hobo” (his words) because it’s what his character would do (none of the other characters would have had dress clothes either). He did have dress clothes available, he just didn’t want to wear them. After the dinner, Tapioca found Strahd’s crystal heart and tried to destroy it, to which Strahd came to defend it. I decided to have Strahd act more annoyed rather than just killing the character outright, but the player would not relent. Everyone else in the party left the castle which left Tapioca’s alone and throwing a fit that no one came to help him. My question for the wonderful justices is this: Should I have just let Tapioca die? Or was I right to spare him?
John Dean
2024-08-19 18:02:34 +0000 UTCTo the upstanding justices and the low standing bailiff. I bring to you the case of the plot avoiding players. A few sessions ago the my players made a joke of activitly avoiding the extremely obvious plot hook. Everyone including myself found the bit funny. However it has been five sessions since then and they do it every session. They have decided it is the funniest joke in the world. They don't even pursue any character based goals. They took a group nap that meant missing saying goodbye to their NPC friend who they knew was leaving that night. An NPC they had helped save recently. I tried three times to send npcs or have characters roll checks to remember their friend was leaving and they might want to say goodbye but they insisted that they found a hiding place and took a nap. When I narrated that their choice to take a group nap in a secret location meant that the npc had a sad drink with another npc and left town they demanded that I retcon that narration and say that they woke up in time to go and say goodbye. My question is, am I wrong for finding their active avoidance of any plot and consequences frustrating or are they right that this is the funniest joke no matter how many times they do it? I lay myself humbly before the court and take a nap, sleeping through the ruling.
Ally
2024-08-19 18:02:15 +0000 UTCMay it please the Grand Court of Crit and that guy who plays Jake from Jake and Amir. I propose to you all the case of the killer life domain cleric. I played in a 10 person campaign and am playing the party's healer, a Life Domain Cleric named Coach Hawke Barski. As part of his backstory, he was always bullied during school and thus became a coach to put an end to bullying. While the party was exploring, Coach Hawke Barski noticed a group of teens bullying a kid. He went over to confront the group and ended up getting punched in the nuts and getting table topped by the teens. For flair, the DM put him into a flash back of that exact thing happening to a young Coach Hawke Barski, and in the flashback he retaliated by punching the bully in the face. But in reality, he chose to be doing a 1st level Inflict Wounds uppercut to the teen bully in charge. It immediately killed the teen (who had commoner stats), and as a result, another party member, a Zealot Barbarian, did a reckless attack on Coach Hawke Barski and downed him. Once the tension settled, and Coach Hawke Barski was brought back up, he used all of his money and some of the other PC's money to do a Revivify on the teen and we moved along with the campaign. I get razzed about it from time to time, but I need to ask the court, am I in the wrong for playing along with the DM's flashback scenario and getting triggered by the trauma? Or should I have taken the high road and not retaliated? I await the court's decision in shame.
Mason N.
2024-08-19 18:02:00 +0000 UTCTo the stalwart upholder of sanctity and justice, Baliff Jake, and the rest of the bench warmers with the robes and such, I bring you the case of Neglected Responsibility. I started DMing a campaign for 2 friends of mine, a brother of a friend, and my girlfriend. One of my friends and I had played DnD several times in the past, and we both have experience DMing, while everyone else was having their first experience. Since it was their first time, I designed their campaign to be fairly quick to resolve, with option of continuing their adventures if they enjoyed playing their characters enough. Everything was going fine, but my friend who had experience with DnD got a job else where and moved (can't blame him for it, I hope him the best.) Ever since he's left, things have gone off the rails. Their task was to investigate these magically corrupted human/monster hybrids and stop their production, but instead they've decided to kidnap a high elf noble that expressed he had no information to offer them, tortured him, and are now planning to use him as leverage as they attempt to rig the odds of a high wager bet for an underground monster coliseum. I fear that in my attempt to allow them freedom of choice, I've let would-be heros turn into definitely-actually villians. Judges and Jake, but mostly Jake, should I have kept my players on the straight and narrow, or was I right to all them to become the monsters they once swore to destroy. I will be awaiting your judgement while I continue to freestyle their next few session completely off the dome.
Darrius Davis, the guy from that one thing.
2024-08-19 17:58:39 +0000 UTCTo the beloved judges of crit and in very much in need of an ASI (ability score increase) bailiff Jake I come with a case that is almost a confession. My DM says I ruined the game.I am playing an aarcokkra blood hunter, the whole point of the character is that he’s old and near the end of his life there was a final stand battle where he chose to sacrifice himself for his teammates, which is kind of the whole point of the character if I’m honest , another PC had the ability to read minds and flavored that mind reading as sensing emotions,they said they stayed connected with my characters during his final stand after they got to safety the dm asked me what my character was feeling during the final stand, and apparently here is where I ruined the game I said the main emotion they got back was resolute, but as time went on that turned into hope that someone coming back for him, and then he died we ended the session after that but then afterwards like two days later, when we were talking about my new character my dm said you ruined the game with that ending, which turn to an argument of me saying not ruined, but there has to be a downbeat, right? This has become a bit of an argument between mainly the two of us. The other PCs have weighed in with mostly It was sad. so judges did I ruin this campaign or is my dm arguing hyperbole,I await your judgement.
jacob brewer
2024-08-19 17:51:37 +0000 UTCI humbly confess to the court and the dude who picks out these pitiful stories Jesk, as a new DM I made the mistake of treating criticals too seriously when it came to attacks. I had a player who was a happy to lucky monk. I had given the character an item for a reward in their last encounter, it was a circlet of blasting which allowed a scorching ray to be cast as an action. Player used it against a necromancer and rolled a 1 to hit. Since I treat 1s for attacks to be a miss and a hit to another player/npc IF they are behind the target. Which unfortunately was a child they were trying to rescue. The monk accidentally killed the child in one hit and the player determined their happy to lucky monk was now scarred and couldn't be reconciled. I feel terrible and don't know why I chose to be that strict with roll of a 1. I leave my fate to the court!
WesKane
2024-08-19 17:42:22 +0000 UTCMay it titillate the judges and gently blow on the nape of the neck of our bailiff Jerry, I present to you the Case of the Severed Arm Fatality. My Tiefling bard had been cursed, resulting in his arm turning into ice and being forced to be in some sort of undetermined service of the Queen of Air and Darkness. Later on, we met a Druid, who revealed her circle had become aware of our party, and was not sure if we were the source of the coming darkness, or the light to drive it back. In an attempt to show this Druid how serious I was about fighting off the darkness, my character turned to our human Ranger, a butcher named Kevin Hogchopper, and told him to take the arm. Kevin has a magic cleaver that takes off a limb on a crit. Kevin, with some hesitancy, began chopping at my arm. As I was not resisting, our DM gave him advantage on the attack rolls. Despite hack after hack, he could not crit, and I didn’t tell him to stop. Once I realized my HP was running low, I started alternating heals with Kevin’s attack, and eventually, I ran out of spell slots. Regardless, Kevin still wouldn’t crit, and eventually, I went down. Once I went down, I turned to Kevin and told him to keep hacking, even though I knew it would auto crit and result in two death saves. He hit, and the arm finally came off. Then it came time for my death save, I rolled a 7, and I died. It all turned out well, as my icy severed arm turned into an evil doppelgänger of my character which my party fought off as our paladin successively revivified me. That said, it occurs to me that a character who is explicitly a butcher and thus trained in the arts of cutting meat should be able to chop off an arm without hacking at someone until they died. Judges: should Kevin have been able to take my arm without killing me? Or was my DM correct in having him hack and hack until I gave up the ghost?
Mick Murtha
2024-08-19 17:33:25 +0000 UTC
