Cases for Dungeon Court LIVE!

To the lowly, lowly, lowly Justices and the wonderfully talented and handsome Bailiff! My case today is of a distracted and lazy brother! I am DMing my first campaign, side note I have never played as a player before this either. Two of the five players are also new to D&D, I have tried very hard to make it as easy as possible for them to play by helping them build their characters and even printed out a little pack of info pages to tell the what they can do on their turns. I also help them each time their characters lvl up, the problem that occurs however are two separate things; The first, the first being that the two players are my brother and his 6~ months together girlfriend. They often spend time between rounds chatting to each other giving little kisses and just generally not paying much attention, it's quite annoying but I've been able to put up with it since the other three players are great role players and heavily make up for them! The second issue is their inability to try and learn what their characters can do or even what dice is what and almost every turn I'm asked what dice to roll despite me saying that unless your doing damage you'll basically only roll a d20. So they get to their turn are shocked its back to them and then spend literall minutes just to find their characters sheets and such and sometimes even ask me what spells they have! Judges do these distracted lazy lovers need to be put in line? I await your judgement 🙌

Mr Jonsta

To the lovely justices, I must apologize in advance for my tardiness to your most auspicious court hall, as my alarm was set to JST (Jake Standard Time). Regardless, I bring you a case of flavored death. I play a Hexblood Eldritch knight named Briar Thornewood. I joined this specific group via a Reddit thread requesting another player to an ongoing campaign. During the session, we find ourselves in combat against a group of baddies. Things seem dire, but I luckily cast a fireball in the group, specifically selecting a spot where enemies within 5 ft of me would be hurt, but not me. This helped lower the numbers, and with the chieftain of the baddies right next to me, I as a bonus action attacked with my sword to deliver the finishing blow. This is due to the War Magic class feature of Eldritch knight. For flavor, I described how as I cast the fireball, the chieftain was knocked by the explosion, allowing me to swiftly skewer him with my blade. As I thought we were ready to move on to the next person in initiative, the DM stops and goes: “that didn’t occur”. Bewildered, I asked if someone cast counter spell or something? He simply responded: “no, you killed him, but he wasn’t knocked closer to you for you to do that blow”. I was confused, as I told him I just said that as flavor, and on the map, the chieftain was already 5 ft away so I just described it in a way that seemed cool in the moment. He simply sighed, and said: “this sets a bad precedent so let’s just move on and say he simply died by a slash as you moved forward”. For the first time, I felt really awkward for a session, despite usually feeling really confident in role play. He even later sent me a DM letting me know to ask him ahead of time for “cool flavor ideas” for finishing blows, as he didn’t want his longer term players thinking what I did would be the norm going forward. I ask justices, was the way how I described the scene really deserving of such a dramatic talk down? Does this actually set a precedent going forward? I leave this in your gentle hands.

Howdy Supreme Crit Justices and the No good, rotten, two-timing bailiff, I seek the judgement of the court. Our party was trying to save a fellow party member who had been captured by a slaver and taken to a slavers market. We snuck in undetected and once inside, our DM described the market as a bunch of wealthy individuals and slaves in cages. Seeing this as my opportunity to do something truly heroic and live out my dreams as Spartacus, I casted earthquake to surprise the market and try to jostle a few slaves free to stage an uprising. However, this is when my DM decided to inform me that the cages were actually stacked on top of each other like a giant Jenga tower. The earthquake caused all the slaves to fall on top of each other and they all proceeded to die in a pile of sharp edges and bodies. Supreme Crit justices, am I in the wrong for assuming my DM would know how to layout a slavers market to avoid this catastrophe?

Riviera! (Mezzanine Row C) May it please the Supreme Crit Justices, the Baby Bailiff, and his baby, I give you the case of the egregious passive perception: Our campaign hinged on a very important map that was wanted by different factions across the wide world. Our party had taken turns carrying the map and as we entered a busy and gritty city, we decided that I, the surly, suspicious dwarven Druid, should hold the map for safekeeping. I narrated putting the map inside my shirt, robes, and leather armor against my stomach, repeating that I would be hyper-aware of the map at all times, checking it frequently and regarding everyone around me with extreme caution. A few in-game days later, we hunkered down in a hotel and I narrated taking the map out to be sure it hadn’t been damaged in a recent fight. The DM told me it was gone. I asked when it had been taken and he said, “You don’t know. That’s how passive perception works.” I insisted that I had been aware of the map and had it buried under numerous pieces of clothing - it would have been impossible to pickpocket! He relented and told me it had been stolen by someone in the street the day before, but that he had rolled against my passive perception and I hadn’t noticed. He maintained, however, that the map had been taken and there was nothing we could do about it now. I beseech the court to tell me - must I accept that my grizzled and grumpy dwarven hermit didn’t notice someone pulling a map from under the multiple layers of her clothing and let the whole party down? Or has justice been denied by my DM?

Rachel W

RIVIERA (First Balcony, Row D) Dear Supreme Crit Justices and the bailiff with his fly down, Jakeathan, I bring a case asking for a Supreme Crit Ruling. In my group, alongside many others I assume, there are arguments about how a d10 and percentile should be rolled for a d100 rolling (i.e. Treasure tables, wild magic effects, etc.). Our DM argues that a d100 should be read with the d10 being the ones spot (unless it is a 0 or 10) and the percentile is the tens place (with 00 making the number single digit). So in his case, a 0 or 10 on the d10 and a 90 on the percentile would be read as 100. (7 on the d10 and 30 on the d00 equals 37) One of our players agrees with how the numbers should be read, but argues that triple zeros (0 or 10 on the d10 and 00 on the percentile) should be read as 100. As such, the only way to get multiples of tens in their case is by having a 0 or 10 on the d10 and the result of the percentile is the result (10, 20, 30, etc.). So I ask for you all to bring down the righteous hammer of Dice Christ on how a d100 roll should be read.

Riviera! (Dice Christ Forgive Me!) I come to you to beg forgiveness for a sin I committed yesterday (15 SEP). My most recent campaign with my long running group has seen some changes to our house rules including switching Spell slots out for the variant Spell Points, which can offer some more flexibility with casting. As a ranger, I have some spell points available to me since I'm half caster. I have thought before that I had a lot of spell points, and I have used them very liberally, getting us out of some tough situations. Now, the article we have always referenced features a table with character level and the corresponding spell points. I have always followed this chart, and it was mid session yesterday, literally the day before this show, that I finally read the paragraph of text above the table and realized I should have Halved my level and gotten that many spell points. Instead of 13, I have been using 35 spell points, and thus casting way too many spells and being generally OP. I throw myself before you to seek forgiveness.

Laura !

RIVIERA To the Magnificent Midwest Cutie Judges and the covered-in-cake baby bailiff, I seek your judicial jug judgment. I started my first campaign about a year and a half ago. Wanting to avoid giving out a Murph-level amount of powerful magic items for my first go around, I gave the party what I thought was a fun, dumb item in an Alchemy Jug. Moments after explaining what it did, one of players my whispered "Mayonnaise" at the jug, filling it to the brim with white liquid gold. I figured they would have some fun with it, use it creatively or more likely just forget about it. Well, every session after they have filled the jug with mayo, even when they know it'd be better to fill it with something better (like water when going through a desert). Recently at least once a session they bring up abandoning the campaign they're on and going into business where they can sell their endless mayo and build an empire. I told them I refused to run a mayo campaign. They spend at 10 minutes every session trying to sell me on this idea. I even pulled the classic Murph line of "okay, is this what you really want?" and yet they still seem genuinely interested in running a mayo stand. Judges, am I wrong for not wanting to run Mayonnaise Market Mayhem for these Maniacs? or should I acquiesce to this demand and live with the consequences of my own creamy actions?

Lukas Carlson

RIVIERA Second Balcony Row V Seat 404-405 Hear ye! Hear ye! To the almighty supreme crit justices that reign from their almighty pedestals of power. and jake low-itz who sits in the shadows of the supreme. I had recently just started a campaign with some friends and we were in the midst of our second battle against a small camp of bad guys. They had a small wooden fence surrounding their camp with a small entrance. As the skirmish started, my character, Veil, casted invisibility on her partner, Void. Void then decided to run up and get in the center of the camp with all of the bad guys as the rest of the party stayed closer to the entrance. Void got hurt very fast in the middle of the group but remained invisible. Another character in our party then decided to cast a 3rd level AOE spell that would have killed Void. The other player argued that it was true to her character to do this and that it would have been meta-gaming otherwise. Was she in the right here? I am humbly bow and seek your sentencing. Natalie W.

RIVIERA To the Baby Lotion Greased Judges and the Beautifully Bearded Bailiff John. I bring you the case of the panik revivify. A couple years back I was DMing my first campaign with some friends. The party, 3 level 4 PCs was taking some odd jobs to make gold for their travels, and after narrowly defeating a CR 6 troll, the party's Paladin was down with 1 failed death save. I told the party they could attempt to stabilize him, but due to initiative, he needed to roll another death save first, which came out to a natural 1. Slightly distraught as this was just a side encounter and the characters had extensive backstories, when a party member asked to roll a religion check to try and save them, I agreed stating only a nat 20 could help here. Well, they rolled a nat 20, allowing a god to revivify the Paladin. Everything seemed fine, until afterwards the third player told me that pulling a move like that wasn't taking the game seriously, and quit the campaign on the spot. So I ask, was I wrong to allow the panicked religion check, or did dice Christ show the true path this player was supposed to take. I humbly await your decision and the punishment if it comes.

RIVIERA MAIN 4 ROW 3 SEAT 1-2 Howdy to the Rootin' Tootin' Judges and the Rascally Scoundrel Bailiff Jake. I ask: are force fields horse fields? In our current campaign, our first sessions started as an homage to the Magnificent 7, with our party defending a poor village from a group of vampire cowboys. These vampire varmints all rode normal mortal horses. To keep them from riding into the village, my Oath of Crown Paladin used my once-per-day Channel Divinity "Champion Challenge", forcing creatures within 30' feet who fail the save to be unable to move away from me. Of the 4 vampires, two of them fail. The two who passed however had their horses fail the Save. During the next round when the 2 successful vampires ride in to attack my party, I remind my DM that their horses failed and couldn't move past me. He said that their horses failed but because they were in charge of the horses, they could make them move past the 30' feet. The party defeated the vampires and rescued the village, but the horses trampling over my character's ability left me feeling drier than a tumbleweed. So I ask the court: does a field of force affect a horse or was my DM right to say NO-sferatu to my action? I humbly await your judgement.

Collin Ball

RIVIERA Seats F 401 - 403 To the steamed wet judges and the dry as a toad bailiff Jake. I bring you the case of a DM Canceling a Campaign That's Not Theirs. Let it please the court. My friend group had 2 sessions going on at the same time. In the first, we were playing the Curse of Strahd. It was our DM's first time being a DM and 2 out of 4 players' first time playing DND. The second started after a few sessions of the first and was a Homebrew by one of the Strahd players. He was so excited to DM for the first time and envelop us in the world he created. All the players were the same, one being the DM of the other session. We rotated sessions for each meet-up. Due to schedules we hadn't met in a bit but were trying to schedule our next session when the DM of Strahd said and I quote "Hey guys, was thinking we could just end the Strahd campaign, I've been looking for more high-level DND. As for the other campaign, I think that one is over as well." I reached out to the Homebrew DM saying we didn't need to cancel his, and we'd just continue on without Strahd DM, but his confidence had been shattered. To this day (it's been a year) he will not DM or revive his homebrew. I plead to the court, did the Strahd DM have any right to do this, and what could I do to bestow confidence on the Homebrew DM as he was an incredible storyteller who made props for each session because he was so passionate?

RIVIERA – (Row B) Esteemed Crit Justices and lowly (or maybe exalted) Bailiff Jake, I give you the case of the Short Rest Spoiled. I DM’d for the first-time last Halloween in a themed one-shot for my husband and a visiting longtime friend. Amid trick-or-treaters and candlelight their barbarian werewolf and warlock headless horseman battled through an evil clown’s fun house of dark magic. Upon reaching the ultimate battle my husband nearly one-shotted the BBEG on the first turn. Realizing what a ridiculous let-down an easy battle would be, I began playing the evil clown fast and loose by fudging dice rolls and even making up a few spells and attacks to make the encounter feel worthy of a final flight. With one player down and the other knocking on death’s door I let them have an epic finishing move securing their place as heroes. The next day, during an excited re-cap of the session they expressed how much fun they had and began re-living details of the epic final confrontation. They are both more experienced DMs than I am and began asking mechanical questions on how I home brewed the boss flight. I initially gave a few answers but played it coy by refocusing the attention on their sick moves but to no avail, they kept digging. I asked them if they were sure they wanted to know, and after they said yes, I ended up fully disclosing what happened behind the screen. They were visibly let-down and said I shouldn’t have told them. Should the DM keep mum about what happens behind the screen, or should players only ask questions they really want to know the answers to?

I don’t think that’s enough “lowly”s, jake 🤪

Quincy Collins

RIVIERA Seats E3 and E4 For the always radiant Justices, and for the fairly dim Bailiff Crate, I bring the case of The Main Character Monk. Our friend group have been playing in the same DnD campaign for over 3 years. At one point, we permanently lost one of our PC’s and the player had to make a new character. This new PC is a Cold and distant monk, who some people might describe as a bit edgy. Nevertheless, the party welcomed them with open arms. However, since we've met them, the character consistently advocates and acts against the party, reminding us how they doesn't really want to be there, damaging the team environment and furthering the distance. They repeatedly denies engagement or leaves the current party, quest, or plot to advance on her own intuitions. As characters, we've attempted to strengthen the friendships between them but are shut down. We eventually bring this up to our dm, which prompted him to ask the player if their character wanted to be in the party. The player responded by saying they were fine with the character leaving, but they expected to have solo sessions with the DM to continue their story. I ask the court this. Should we indulge this player in their lone wolf behaviour, or would it be best for the player to find a way to get the character to mesh. I humbly await your sentencing

I planned it and I am still not sorry

drednauht

PANTAGES Thank you so much for a great show and absolving me of my guilt! Confessing to Dice Christ really does unburden the soul. Love you guys, and long live the boonicorn!

PANTAGES Thank you wise and supreme Crit Justices for allowing me to hold Jungle Rocks over my DM/brothers head for the rest of his life. Such a great show, thank you!!

Pantages row B seat 8 (balcony) I’m here alone and I just want someone to walk with me to my car lol

Rachael Essen

Pantages Hello Esteemed Justices and Jorf. I don’t have a case to try because I’ve only ever played a single one shot with people from the headgum discord, but I’m psyched to be spending my 21st birthday with the band of boobs!

Miles W

Pantages - Row N, Seat 2 To the honorable judges, Smurph, Worm-wife, and Big Blue Hole, and to the lowly bailiff Crabster (You'll never live it down), I come with the case of the Burning Bugbear. In this case, I am looking to seek justice from not only my DM, but also a fellow player. A couple years ago, I was playing in a campaign with four of my friends, being run by a second-time DM. I was playing a bugbear multiclassing rogue and monk. When we were at 3rd level, our party attempted a raid on a cult’s hideout. After we got into the basement of the hideout, my character chased the cult leader into an adjacent room while the rest of the party were fighting other members of the cult. Upon entering the room, my character was subjected to 4 consecutive turns of the cult leader casting Tasha’s hideous laughter, followed by 3 cultists repeatedly casting burning hands on my poor, prone bugbear, ultimately knocking him unconscious. The party’s ranger in the other room, saw the whole thing go down. He had the chance to cast cure wounds on my character after I had already failed one death save due to the excessive use of burning hands, but he instead chose to “save the spell slot.” On the next turn, my poor bugbear died after I rolled a natural one on my death save. I ask the court; was I unfairly treated by my DM who refused to let me do anything for 4 turns in a row? Was I wronged when the party’s ranger chose not to heal me despite the circumstance? Or was the brutal end of my bugbear merely the will of Dice Christ? I leave it up to the court to decide.

Zenith Dreamer

Pantages - Row N, Seat 2 To the four glorious arbiters of Dice Christ’s wonderful grace, I come seeking guidance in the face of a terrible curse! For background, in the last 3 campaigns I have played in starting between first and third level, I have had my character die, without fail, at level 3. First was my glamour bard satyr, who, after failing an athletics check to escape into a tree, was killed by a ahnkeg; rolling a failed death save followed by a natural one. In the next campaign, it was my rogue-monk bugbear who was killed brutally after 4 consecutive turns of being subjected to a combination of Tasha’s Hideous Laughter and several cultists repeatedly casting Burning Hands on him. He also died rolling a failed death save followed by a natural one. Lastly was my swarmkeeper ranger monkey-folk who died after being knocked unconscious and every other party member failing a Wisdom save against fear that made them run away. This time I didn’t even get to roll any saves as the monsters we were fighting ate my character as my friends ran in fear. I humbly ask; is this some sort of divine punishment from Dice Christ? Is there any way I can repent and be free of this level 3 curse? Do I just need to find new friends?! Or am I forever doomed to lose my characters at level 3? Dice Christ’s humble adherent, Zenith

Zenith Dreamer

PANTAGES (balcony right row Q) Hello honorable justices and cake-interested bailiff Jerb! I present the case of the greased up giant. My dm was running a campaign for me and a group of friends where the party started in a tavern with a large “bottomless pit” in the center (like from “tales of the yawning portal). A giant then crawled out of the hole and started causing chaos. Trying to end the fight quickly, I cast a grease spell at the giant’s feet hoping that he would fall back into the hole. He then failed his dexterity check and fell prone. My case starts when I asked the dm during my next turn if I could try to shove the prone giant into the pit. He just gave me a look and told me that I couldn’t do that. I argued that the grease would allow the giant to slide easier than normal ground. My party also jumped in and said that they would help push the giant too, but the dm said it would still be too heavy. We ended up killing the giant normally and pushed his corpse back into the hole to satisfy me. Justices, I ask you this, should my dm have allowed me to push the giant into the pit, or is he right in denying my caldwell-esque shenanigans? P.S. I hate the podcast and just came here to boo.

Andy H

Pantages - Row N Seat 8 To the holy crusaders of the one and only Dice Christ, please hear my prayers for a baptism of dice rolling. I have been playing in a campaign for about 9 months now and my luck on the dice rolls is at an all time low. Imagine you combined all of Murphs bad rolls with all of Caldwells bad rolls, mine would still be worse. I consistently roll a 1-3 about 75% of all our sessions and this is with all 6 of my D20's. Meanwhile my DM and one of the players sitting next to me constantly roll an 18-20. Are they sucking the soul out of my dice or is there no hope for me, am I doomed to constantly let my party down with failed attacks. Mind you I am a wizard so most of my turns end up being "bonus action - cloak of bellowing". I fear one day my plasmoid wizard may be the downfall of my party. So, I am reaching out to you holy clerics of the realm, please hear my prayers, bless me and my dice for I fear I may be losing my faith in our one and only Dice Christ, amen.

[Riviera] Row C, seats 13-14 To the esteemed judges of the Supreme Crit (and… Bailiff J), I present to you the case of The God Damn Rubies. Our characters stumbled upon a religious offering pot. Mama ain’t raise no little baby bitch, so of course I took the contents of the pot for my own pleasure. The DM, with hesitation, described it as (and I quote) “filled with rubies”. I took them all. And that’s where things go wrong. The next day, in my inventory sheet, there were no rubies. But instead, bits of jade, amethyst, and more. In total, this amounted to 30 gp. Obviously rubies are worth way more, so I questioned it. My DM’s response was “I meant gemstones in general. Not just rubies. I didn’t mean to say that.” After some back and forth, it was clear he wasn’t going to give in, so I did the only logical thing: figured up what I was owed. Based on the weight of the gemstones I got and the cost of an average hamburger in the United States, I converted the USD value of rubies into our campaign’s monetary system. The result: 167,058,419 gp. Was it wrong for the DM to go back on his word, giving me these worthless gemstones? Or am I entirely out of line for demanding that he stay true to his word and give me the 167 million gold pieces that I am owed. We await humbly your decision. PS - My DM is also my husband, so your decision will weigh heavily on our marriage. Thanks.

To the beautiful judges and bailiff, I present the case of the ban before the table. My fiancee is planning on running a Greek demigod high school campaign, and was talking with one of the others players about it in a game chat with another friend of hers present. The friend proceeded to build a character to counter the player in which she was speaking, creating an abomination. He combined the stats of Gem Dragonborn and Tabaxi, using the size and movement speed bonus of the Tabaxi, and the resistance, breath, flight, and stats of the Dragonborn. When she and I corrected him and told he could only use the stats of one, and not combine them into a new race, he proceeded to say that it should work in this manner, as that how it works in reality, and got pretty heated. He wasn't invited to the table at any point. We're we in the wrong, or is the player trying to power game and take over the table?

Justin Nichols

PANTAGES - Row M To the exalted judges, and the stand-in bailiff while that other guy is out on paternity leave: I bring you the case of the metagaming husband and the sleepy elf. Two years ago I started my DM journey with a one-shot for my family & husband over Thanksgiving. It went super well, so when the occasion arose, I decided to run the same one-shot for a small group of friends (all here tonight!): a veteran player, two newbies, and my husband, who assured me he would not spoil any of the surprises for the rest of the party. The party began by descending into the darkened tavern basement to rid it of some mysterious creatures, and the party's elf paladin Raven (veteran player), barged ahead and quickly took care of the one visible giant rat (with the catchphrase "That's so Raven!"). However, on my Husband's turn, even though no other enemies were visible, his tiefling bard, Batswav the Damned* cast Sleep near Raven behind a row of barrels, claiming it was preemptive because of some sounds his character heard. Well this put to sleep not only half of my hiding giant rats, but also the party's tank, Raven. To my new-DM horror, the remaining rats proceeded to decimate the rest of the squishy party. I even attempted to wake up Raven by having the rats bite at her, but with her shield & plate armor her AC was too high and my rats kept rolling Murph-levels-of-low. The encounter ended with basically a TPK in the very first room, and Raven eventually waking up to her dead friends. Only then did I remember that Raven was a high-elf, and elves are immune to being charmed and by extension the Sleep spell. So I ask the justices - Was the veteran player responsible for knowing his own character immunities? Did the party get what they deserved for my husband's metagame blind spellcasting? Or was I at fault for being too lenient with the metagaming and not keeping tabs on all PC abilities along with my own DM notes? -Luella PS Hate the show *(annoyingly inspired by and anagrams to DAVE MATTHEWS BAND)

RIVIERA May it please the court: greetings and well wishes to the noble justices Brian Murphy, Emily Axford, and Caldwell Tanner, as well as their metaphorical (and literal?) footstool Jamp. I present to you the case of the flour button. I, the enthusiastic but inexperienced DM, Inspired by justice murphy, created a kitted out sailing ship with all sorts of gizmos for my players to have an encounter upon. Our dark elf warlock, vent, decided to go on a solo investigative mission as the rest of the party was aboard the ship partying, sharing potent herb acquired from a lovable Giff named Snurd, and telling stories of their adventures in the recently-escaped underdark. Casting a detect magic spell was discussed but ultimately fell to the wayside as vent in”vent”stigated the ship after making himself invisible. He managed, unnoticed, to find a trap door into the captains quarters from below, avoiding the observation of the partying crew on the deck above. Having forgotten the plan to cast a detect magic spell, he set off an unnoticed alarm spell alerting the crew that nefarious actions were afoot, and they immediately grew suspicious and hostile. I gave vent one opportunity to investigate something in the captains room before everything began to go to hell, and he managed to glean some very important info from the ships manifest. I then had the captain rush into his quarters on his turn and hit a button on the wall spraying flour over the entire office revealing the invisible Vent. He immediately chose to flee, taking some big hits along the way, and eventually he narrowly managed to retreat into a totem he has a result of his pact, basically jumping into the ocean and poke-balling himself, sinking to the ocean floor at 1 hp where our war forged fighter later walked along the ocean floor and retrieved him. I had characterized this captain as extremely paranoid and came up with several countermeasures to deal with any subterfuge they may try with random fun gizmos. This happened over month ago and I am still being regularly roasted for making a pirate ship have a flour button in the captains quarters. Should I have reminded them of their intention to cast detect magic when they had mentioned intending to but forgot to do it? Am I in the wrong for planning goofy countermeasures for expected shenanigans or am I just receiving a deserved razzing for what ended up being a more-ridiculous-than-I-anticipated method of thwarting our warlock’s mischief? Additional details: They keep creating plans for defeating the crew and stealing the ship, but stipulating that they will have to add a sign by the button that says something like “press to wreck your office” or “press to ruin the deck boy’s day” Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Insecure DM

RIVIERA This is from Brian L. in Balcony Row H. Please give a Happy Birthday shoutout to my daughter Tayler Louchen (Louch rhymes with couch - chen). It's her 17th birthday today on the show day Sept 16, and she's a huge fan of Emily Axford and Brian Murphy and their Dimension 20 shows! I will give some love to Jake and Caldwell and mention that Jake, you have a sexy beard. And Caldwell you have earned a Badge of Badassery. I present the case of, Did the DM go wayyyyy too far? This story begins in our 1st campaign several years ago where my best friend Will was the Dungeon Master and he sought out to have my daughters character fall in love with one of his NPCs. My daughter Tayler played a Half-elf Druid named Lily Beanstalk who had an overly-crazy obsession with apples. As the party traveled, they reached a tavern in the small town of Greenest. We met a Barbarian gnome with a green mohawk named Zook, who was drinking out of a full barrel of ale. He joined the party and went on a few adventures with us and Zook saved Lily from death a few times. He would always uncomfortably hit on Lily and compliment her on how beautiful she was. At some point we arrived at a nearby coliseum to gather information. Zook always loved to fight so he joined the tournament and participated in a battle with a human Paladin with a trident. I should mention that the DM was using a (d100) critical hit table. Halfway into the combat, the DM got a critical hit on Zook and rolled on the table. He said the roll on the table was an insta-kill and so he killed Zook instantly with a Trident strike to the eye. Nobody at the table believed him, so the DM took the NPC character sheet, lifted it in the air, and tore the paper completely in half and dropped it on the table and said, "He's dead". Our mouths dropped and we sat there in shock. Did the DM, and also my real life best friend Will, go wayyyy too far by tearing the NPC character sheet in half to prove his point? Should we have been provided options for saving or resurrecting our wild gnome friend? I humbly await your judgement. Brian & Tayler.

PANTAGES (Row Q) To the majestic judges and the wittle swimpy baby: I DM’d a level 10 one-shot for a group of 6 friends and had premade characters for the party since most of them had never played dnd before. Two of the players asked if they could use their characters from a different campaign ( a circle of moon Druid and assassin rogue), to which I said, “absolutely!” Thinking that it would be fun for them. The one shot was framed as a dungeon crawl that a dragon had teleported them to as a game for his amusement. What I intended to be a fun dungeon crawl with randomly rolled enemies behind every corner turned into the Druid using their familiar to COMPLETELY map out each level of the dungeon and make sure the coast was clear before allowing the other players to proceed. Seeing that other players were not having fun, I narrated the Druid losing sight through the familiar all-of-a-sudden as something had killed it. The determined druid decided to recast “find familiar”, which ended the same way as the first. The druid did not relent, continuing to resummon their familiar until I gave up and expedited the one-shot to get to the big bad dragon (it had been several hours at this point). The one-shot ended with people saying they just wanted to go to bed and I narrated the dragon killing them all, sending them back to the start of the dungeon. My question is: Who is at fault for this botched one-shot? I humbly await your judgement.

RIVIERA I haven’t been playing dnd long enough to have a good case yet! But my wonderful friend and dm has a case. He lives in Texas and can’t make it to the show bc he is always working himself to the bone so I would like to relay his story to you as an option for the live shows! This was all typed out by him: To the ever dishonorable justices Murphy, Axford and Tanner; to which I have modeled much of my dming know-how off of. (Mostly the Saltiness of Murph). As well as the perpetual special guest and bailiff Jake Hurwitz. I present to you the case of the Flight of the Artificer. A few years ago, during my first ever time dming a campaign, I had painstakingly built out an epic battle for my party to partake in. The session was meant to test the waters on how my party would function during a full scale battle, as well as end with them meeting the bbeg for the first time. We had been planning this session for a while, but on the day of the fighter of my party had decided to bring his friend without asking me and inquire if he could join. This should’ve been the first red flag, but me wanting to make a good impression as a fledgling dm relented and said yes. The new player had mostly played dnd based on anime, which I thought was cool, but explained my games might be a little different because I’m more inclined towards dark fantasy and more unforgiving encounters. He said he’d be fine with that and so we proceeded to create a character for him. He chose an artificer and then asked if he could flavor his sword to be like the sword from bleach. Now I didn’t know much about the show at the time but after looking it up I said it would be okay and we’d just use greatsword stats. I also made sure he knew that if the weapon had any properties in the show we would have to discuss how to implement it down the line rather than just letting him have those abilities. So fast forward, the party is in the thick of the battle. And I described this pillar of light bursting from the middle of the field all the way to the sky. The party drove towards it and this is when the problem began. The Artificer wanted to inspect the pillar and with a high roll he discovered that the pillar was made of hard light and seemed to be sapping energy from a few mages in a trance around it and dispersing a buff to the army. I also explained that the mages seemed to be going in and out with the chaos around them causing the pillar to flicker. The artificer decided out of everything they could do, that the best possible option was to scale the pillar. I reiterated the scene for him exactly as I explained the first time and asked if he was sure this is what he wanted to do, he said yes and so I let him. The battle waged on and all the while my artificer climbed higher and higher all the while I kept making him roll insight to notice the instability of the pillar. He even had to make a couple saves to not fall off as it flickered. That is until the barbarian of my party did what barbarians were best at, got sick of the constant waves of buffed soldiers, and killed the mages in a trance. As you could imagine the pillar flickered and eventually disappeared from the battlefield, leaving the artificer high in the air. He began to fall and the bard in my party asked to prepare feather fall for the exact moment he came into range. With a “hell yes” I told her this was fine, only to be cut off by the artificer who said instead they wanted to use their sword to create a gust of wind to break their fall. I asked where we agree their sword could do this and he explained that apparently the sword in the anime was capable of it. I reiterated that we would have had to agree to this and that I would find a way to implement it down the line. He didn’t like this and began raising his voice in a heated back and forth that lasted 30 minutes until I had enough and left as the game was no longer fun. I would have been fine if he had flavored it through the bards spell but I didn’t want him to think he would just be able to do that because of his weapon, which I tried to explain to him. But he just kept yelling so much that my social anxiety took control. Now its been a few years and I was able to restart the campaign with my current party but I stand at the mercy of the judges to ask, should I have let the artificer cast a gust of wind with his blade or was I in the right to put my foot down and say he could use the bards spell but his sword wouldn’t have that capability.

Victoria M

PANTAGES To the honorable and esteemed judges and Jake the Janitor, I bring you the case of the un-deflectable poison damage. I have been playing in a Curse of Strahd campaign with a longtime friend as the DM (who is also in attendance tonight). A while back our party was fighting an assassin who attempted to shoot my Kenku monk/rogue with a poison arrow. I was able to use deflect missiles to reduce the piercing damage to zero, but the DM ruled that I would still take an absurd amount of poison damage as it was separate from the piercing damage. I asked how I could possibly have taken the poison damage if the arrow didn’t pierce me, and they told me that it was “just so poisonous” that you would take the poison damage just from touching any part of the arrow. We still won the battle, and I absolutely massacred the assassin after taking the hit, but the interaction over whether or not I should take the poison damage was fairly tense with the rest of the table agreeing it didn’t quite make sense. The rules are not super clear on how this should shake out, but it felt like I was denied the full potential of my monk ability in order to raise the stakes in battle where we may have otherwise won too easily. Was it wrong for me to take the poison damage, or am I making too big of a deal out of this? I humbly await your ruling and am prepared to accept any punishment if I am in the wrong. Even death.

PANTAGES (Row V, seat 7) To the illustrious, seasoned and downright impressive Supreme Crit Justices Murphy, Axford and Tanner and the Stylin', Profilin', limousine driving, jet flying, kiss-stealing, wheeling and dealing son of a gun Bailiff Jake! I submit to you, the case of the accidental ninja turtles. Earlier this year I began my first campaign as a DM with 4 friends. 3 of the 4 were new to DnD and asked for suggestions for what type of character to play. One of them asked, "which class would be the best at skateboarding?" To which I quickly replied, "most likely a rogue or monk, since they are both high in dexterity and could probably pull of a sick kick flip or an insanely dope grind or manual." At this time we dove deep into as much radical 90s speak and cliches as we could and before I knew it they had all decided to play monks. My original plan for the campaign was to attempt to follow place these 4 players in place of the band of boobs in campaign one as I wasn't really sure how to world build in any meaningful way (with plans to add in the band of boobs as NPCs that they would encounter along the way!). We started off in Moonstone and every opportunity they have made TMNT references, including changing their names to each oftheir favorite turtles. I was happy to support this behavior and it has been fun but I think I'm losing the plot a bit in my attempt to "follow" my original campaign plans and am afraid I may not have any good ideas for them to sink their teeth into. Should I put my foot down and stick to my original idea or say "Cow-a-fuck-it" and embrace my new turtle overlords? I patiently await your judgment.

RIVIERA We are BOTH here tonight and have both read/approved this account Quick Summary: My DM changed my backstory on me and my party won't let me change it back because they love it so much ----------- To the Honorable Justices and Temporary Justice Jake, who is also honorable, but just in a different way I Bring you the Case of the Altered Backstory I started a new campaign with some inexperienced work friends, and my fiancé as our experienced DM. I decided this was the perfect opportunity to dusk off a circle of spores druid/ cleric I made a while ago. I wanted to explore the idea of a sentient fungal network being her god, with her journey based around trying to save fungal network which was inexplicably dying (very inspired by “something is amiss at the crick”). My fiancé talk about my these character ideas little bit, and I start writing my backstory. The first session goes off without a hitch, and our DM decides to start off the second session with flashbacks for everyone’s characters. Most of the flashback are characters saying goodbye to their family and starting their journey. We get to my flashback, and scene described was tense, dramatic, and kept the entire party at the edge of their seats’. My village was attacked by a decaying Leshen and which wounded villagers as we fought back. However, this wasn’t my backstory. It established that my character worships arch-fey through a portal to the fey-wild, and this portal is simply "decorated with inert mushrooms”, which my character gardens to “please the arch-fey.” The problem is, everyone LOVED my “new” backstory. As the session finished everyone told me how cool it was and how it was their favorite flashback because it was so intense. After talking with my DM, I tried to suggest the idea of retconning the flashback to my party members while we were all out at a friend’s birthday party. But everyone essentially said that the backstory was “too cool" and they "wanted to see what happened with it”

 When I asked my DM where the new backstory came from, he said that since no one had submitted written backstories, he just improvised them all. Which as brand new players, the rest of the party was fine with. We have now been playing for several months and I avoid talking about my character’s backstory because I don’t want to contradict what my DM established, or give up my dream backstory. So judges. Was I in the wrong for not submitting my backstory homework on time? Or is it the DM’s right as story teller to introduce backstories in the absence of any? Judge us as you see fit, and please help us untangle this mangled backstory

PANTAGES (row M) To the talented, beautiful and honorable Crit Justices, and I guess that guy with a beard, I've heard his name is Jeff. I submit to you, the case of the Jungle Rocks. A few years ago my adventuring party was traveling through a jungle on the Isle of Dread when we encountered a pack of cannibals (it earned the named Isle of Dread for a reason). I was playing a druid with a new 5th lvl spell slot. Knowing we would be traveling through the jungle that day, I prepped "Wrath of Nature" and proceeded to cast it when we started the encounter. As part of this spell you can use a bonus action to "cause a loose rock in the 60 foot cube to launch at a creature you can see". When my turn came around and I tried to launch a rock at a cannibal, my DM (who happens to be my older brother) told me that there were no rocks in the Jungle... Now, he is normally an incredibly open and shenanigan supporting DM, but as much as I argued he put his foot down and wouldn't let me use my rock throwing bonus action. It has now become a bit of a snarky joke between us and our group. I have sent him pictures of Jungle rocks and will randomly point out rocks when we are in public even still, now 2ish years later, but he refuses to back down. I would like it noted that I love my brother very much and he is an incredible and wonderful DM. However, I would like to hold this over his head for the rest of our lives. Please, wise Justices, settle the argument of the Jungle Rocks once and for all. Regards, The Disgruntled Druid in row M.

RIVIERA To the magnificent, magnanimous, and mystical Judges and… Josh? I come to you with the case of “obvious” favorites. My usual group wanted to play all together so we sourced a DM to run a Curse of Strahd campaign for us. We spent a few sessions talking about our characters, our goals for the game and we’re relatively excited to get to play, especially with our usual DM (my partner). Then we started to play and the problems began. It appeared that our DM was playing favorites. She would often openly applaud my partner or another player for their ideas, reward they “creativity” and at some points tailored the game to give them some cool moments/weapons. Meanwhile my circle of stars pirate halfling druid with one eye was largely ignored. I would try to drop hints about wanting to explore something with my character and those statements went largely unheard. Another player was openly antagonized by the DM with her flat out murdering his character with her own PC while no one else was near him to help with the fight. She decided to end the campaign for different reasons but in the wrap up made sure that two of the characters actually got something that tied into what their goals were for their PCs. Meanwhile myself and the other player just made our own ending for our characters out of game. My question is were we in the wrong to be butthurt about the ignoring/antagonizing behavior? We sucked it up and dealt but should we have said something during the campaign? I lay myself at the mercy of the court.

Maggie!

PANTAGES To the monumental, formidable, transcendental judges and maybe that Jeff guy if he's around, I present the case of the halfling, the crab, and the surprise retirement. We were dungeon crawling (White Plume Mountain module), and came upon a room with a chest which was being guarded by a giant crab. Encasing the room was boiling hot water which was being held back by a protective bubble. One player, playing a low intelligence barbarian, immediately stated he was going to use his axe to pop the bubble and boil the crab alive with no consideration to the safety of the party (who all naturally balked at this decision and made a mad dash to the exit of the room because our DM was kind enough to give us a surprise round.) One other PC stayed behind to save the halfling (they had shape water) but nearly died in the process. Luckily in the end everyone came out all right, but the party was very upset with the barbarian whose player, when questioned on his decision, stated that due to his low intelligence score "it's what my character would do." Heinous, we know. What really boiled our blood (wink) was that once we had finished the dungeon and made it back to town, we were informed by our problematic friend that his barbarian halfling was retiring from the party and he had rolled up a new character to play with rather than have the barbarian live with the party's ire, learn from his mistakes, and perhaps come out of this whole experience as a better person. He didn't want his character to deal with our anger and apparently had been wanting to kill him off anyway, but hadn't bothered informing anyone (*cough DM cough*). The campaign didn't last many sessions after the incident (our DM was moving so we had to cut it short), but during the few sessions we had left none of the party bothered much with getting to know his new character due to our displeasure with his decision. Were we right to be annoyed with his choices? Were we justified in shunning his new character? Should he have taken the crab fiasco as a lesson and a chance for character growth instead of tossing his half-baked halfling out for a shiny new firbolg? We prostrate ourselves at your feet and graciously accept your judgement. P.S. I am so sorry this ended up being so long-winded

ThaddeusGigantus

RIVIERA To the munificent judges, Axford, Murphy, and Tanner, who are as perfect as their judgements, and the Repellant Bailiff Jork who could do with some self reflection: I come to you with a case of love, devotion, and gambling. A couple of years ago, my now girlfriend (who is here with me tonight) was getting ready to play D&D for the first time. As I was the DM, I was working with her to actualize her character idea. We came up with a very fun Paladin named Bellothe, who served a goddess named "Lady Luck". I thought this was a fun character, and I was excited to teach my good friend (who I was admitedly crushing on) how to play the game. However, there was a disagreement. While going over the character, she said that she thought a fun trait for Bellothe to have would be that she gambled as part of her religion, and always won because she prayed to Lady Luck. I said that it would be hard for us to include this in the game, given that always winning at gambling would be too powerful as an ability, and that even if she was able to use religion checks to get advantage or something, the fact that we were actually rolling dice would mean Bellothe would only be a little bit better than average at gambling mechanically. My not-yet girlfriend relented, and it ended up not mattering much because the campaign only lasted three sessions before it died. Two years since that campaign and a year into us dating, my girlfriend (who has played in multiple much longer campaigns with me since) decided to resurrect this character when she visited me and rejoined an old campaign for a session. Since then, she has continued to argue that back when she first started playing, I should have let her character be the ultimate gambler because it would have been funny. I maintain that even a toned-down version of the ability would have been too powerful if she decided to use it for anything more than roleplaying, which I know she would have done eventually. Was I wrong to deny my girlfriend the punchline of her character being a divinely inspired card-shark, or was I right in holding my ground that there would not have been a way to implement this ability that satisfied her vision without breaking the game? We await your judgement (and severe punishment) with bated breath in seats H1 and H2, -Blythe and Andrew

Andrew Kruck

PANTAGES To the decorated Judges Axford, Murphy, and Tanner and their dedicated Bailiff, Jarkeb. I am writing you today as a DM torn. A little over two years ago I began my first campaign as DM with a group of five friends. They are all first-time players who expressed interest in playing and at first things were great. I helped them with their backstories, walked through their initial stat rolls, and even bought them each a PHB and set of dice. I fear my initial well-intentioned guidance had unintended consequences. As with all campaigns we face scheduling conflicts, and typically only convene once every three to four months for about 6 hours. As a result, they are still level three (I do milestone-based levelling but sometimes what I think will take one session has taken two, due to… shenanigans*). The party is gold and item-focused, and I have tweaked the campaign to provide ample opportunity for them to earn, including a Thunderdome-style tournament a couple months back providing them with magic weapons. To help them learn the game in the time between sessions, I recommended NADDPOD. Some players started listening and are in the audience tonight. During the week leading up to a session, I ask my players to review their character sheets which I have built on DnD Beyond as well as provide physical copies. This ask seems to often fall on deaf ears. Before our most recent session on Saturday, the players all expressed interest in playing more regularly, and we discussed moving to a virtual tabletop for a shorter session every two weeks. I was thrilled. However, as the session progressed it became apparent that they had, yet again, not reviewed their character sheets. They did not know how many spell slots they had, what damage dice to use for their cantrips, what a bonus action was, or how movement worked. I could go on. The players who have listened to NADDPOD seemed to have a better understanding of the basics but may have been overly focused on how to better get away with shenanigans* (looking at all of you, but specifically Justice Tanny). I am all for shenanigans but when coupled with a poor grasp of the rules, it slows the momentum down pretty significantly. As a result, we made it about halfway through the session I had planned. I love that my players are having enough fun that they want to play more regularly, and I enjoy the sessions too, but I am torn. They are now gold-laden, magic item wielding level 3s that lack the fundamentals. I fear my handholding has created a ratking of bros wandering their way through dungeons. How do I count on them to be any more invested in bi-weekly sessions? Am I wrong to want to TPK this whole group and have them start from scratch, and in the process hope they find their own path? Or do I press forward with these current creations and hope that more regular sessions instill a better understanding of the game? I humbly await your judgement, Tomallama *Shenanigans include but are not limited to: • Using your “prison wallet” to hide fake diamonds from NPCs • Castrating corpses to slide the “family jewels” into an unsuspecting NPCs pack • Visiting Gnomish brothels and insisting that any town lacking a Gnomish brothel is a “one-stoplight” town

Tomallama

Hey whats up judges and honorable bailif. So my issue is this. We're playing a west marches campaign where the DM changes from time to time. We had one person DM and give the party a cache of incredible magic items they designed themselves. The only problem is the items are so powerful it is hard to balance combat. When I DM I can only hope they forget they have them. If they were just magic items from the DMG I would probably just find a way for them to lose them or take them away but because this person designed the items themselves it feels to personal to either take them away or tell them the items are just way too much for a low level party.

Anomalocaris

RIVIERA To the esteemed judges and the bailiff, who is good enough in his own way, Up top, I just want to say this story does NOT involve any cannon silencers. I first got into TTRPGs about 10 years ago; a friend from work introduced me to Pathfinder. Soon after, group of us started playing pretty regularly. Some had played before and some of us were brand new, but no one was overly experienced. Eventually, a friend of mine wanted to DM their first session as an exploratory one shot that could potentially turn into a campaign if we were feeling it. They did a great job hyping it up, even sending text messages from their big bad ("The Gardener") through out the day to egg us on. I was pumped when we sat down to play. The session went smoothly at first, but we soon found ourselves up against The Gardener, and the whomping ensued. My friends baddie was just way to powerful for us. At one point, The Gardener teleported a PC 1000ft into the air, and dropped them, which definitely would have killed them. A little frustrated, I asked the DM "How is he doing this? What spell is he using?" The DM replied "It's not a spell, it's just an ability I gave him." I said 'I don't think you can do that, just make stuff up. You've got to have something in the book to back it up.' He relented and ultimately did something different grounded in mechanics. I understand TTPRGs are rooted in the imagination, and it's silly to say "You can't make something up", because at the end of the day everything is made up, but we should still play from the same rules. Judges, was I wrong to challenge my DMs control over the reality of the game, or should even the DM be restricted (mostly) to the same rules as everyone else? I humbly await your judgement. Side note: The DM is one of my closest friends and we have played many campaigns together since.

PANTAGES, Seat U1 Good evening, Supreme Crit Justices, and also the bailiff, to whom I have no strong feelings for or against, I bring to you the case of the Bug Blender. I was a player in a Dungeon of the Mad Mage campaign with about 4 other players, and I played a paladin for the first time and was absolutely loving the pure joy of expending my divine smite slots and being an integral part of the party in legendary battles. About 3/4ths through the campaign, a new player joined and I found out he would be playing a thri-kreen (a bug with four arms) barbarian/fighter, which was good as I was happy to have another front-liner in the party, but the DM and the new player had homebrewed a way for this character to have a grand total of 12 attacks per round, 24 if he used his action surge! This was crazy! He went on to solo an adult dracolich (CR 17) and pretty much dominate every fight he was in. It came to a head when, during one encounter, the cleric cast a spell on one of two very powerful fiends that caused it to be vulnerable to the next attack. Rolling with advantage, I crit, and used my only 4th level spell slot to deal massive damage, totaling up to 197 between my two attacks, nearly defeating the fiend in one turn, a feat which was the peak of my paladin career! The thri-kreen, however, was unimpressed, and walked up to the other enemy, entered a rage, and dealt over 200 damage in a single turn using his action surge, completely eclipsing my paladin's best possible turn using barely better than a routine turn of his own! Ladies and gentlemen of the Supreme Crit, I ask you, was I robbed? Was the DM absolutely nuts to have allowed this beast of a character to exist, or am I just being a little too competitive in a team-based game?

Woofington Von Barkshire

To the honorable court justices, and John Bailiff, I present to you the case of the martyr barbarian. In my first full campaign, I decided to play a character that fit very well into the DM’s created world. It was a pirate/sea faring themed campaign, so I was a Merfolk that was a runaway slave from a notorious pirate lord. In one session, we came across a village that had been taken over by pirates and used as a giant encampment for them. It turns out that it was under the control of the pirate lord, one of my character’s sworn enemies and his former master. The group discussed how we were going to get into the camp and free the villagers at length, with the other members (a bard, a Goliath Barbarian in Full Plate, a sorcerer and a cleric) wanted to stealth into the camp, find where the villagers were kept and free them. We had just failed to stealth through a castle, and time and time again the group had a lengthy conversation about stealthing and the Best Way to go about things, when the dm clearly wanted to just move the story along. I suggested we could technically just go through the front door, as I was wanted by these pirates and they’d probably escort us to the leader and we’d figure it out from there. They insisted on the stealth message, and seeing this opportunity for my character, I had to refuse. His enemy was right there, why wouldn’t he walk right in and demand to see him? Boy was a barbarian not a wizard. I did so, and as I thought, I was taken right to the leader and managed to learn important information, and use myself as leverage to go through the camp unharmed with some good rolls. Meanwhile, my party failed again at stealthing and got ambushed by pirates, and I had to go save them. After the session the players told me they were upset that I had split the party and gone “rogue”. The dm expressed to me privately that he was thankful I made the decision to progress his story, and I got a really cool backstory moment out of it too. I ask the honorable judges, was I wrong to split the party? I am normally against it but in this case I knew my character would be stubborn. Should I have gone with the party’s plan or was I right to stick to my gut? For some extra background: at the previous stealthing mission, when it failed and we were being pursued by high level guards with nowhere to run, my character volunteered to stay behind to allow the others to escape, and they were fine with it as a character and story choice. I promise I do not /mean/ to do these things it’s just my friends would take like at least an hour to discuss what to do next, or panicking.

PANTAGES Dearest Highly Esteemed Judges and Gemma’s Dad, I have a confession that has been eating me up with guilt for years. Our campaign started with Lost Mines of Phandelver, because I was a newbie DM and most members of the group were newbies as well. The only non-newbie of the group was a coworker of mine who had played for years and was helping all of us learn the game. Everyone chose one of the premade characters in the starter set, and our experienced player ended up with the lawful good fighter. He admitted to me that playing that character was starting to drive him crazy so he asked if we could plot an exciting demise for him. We were at the end of the Lost Mines campaign when the BBEG used shatter on the ceiling above our wizard, and the fighter heroically pushed her out of the way and got crushed instead. His damage was beyond his max HP (as planned) and the party said goodbye to their beloved friend. They threw a memorial feast and all these new players remember his death as their first PC death experience. The thing is, my fiance plays the party cleric in this campaign and has confessed he still beats himself up for being stuck fighting spiders when he could have possibly saved the fighter. To make matters worse, once he started casting Spirit Guardians, he made one of those spirits that fighter guy. So every time he has casted spirit guardians over the past three years, I’m reminded of this party member we plotted to kill! Casting Spirit Guardians is now referred to in that campaign as “calling (fighter) and the boys” and he lives on, reminding me of our cruel plot with every appearance. It’s been killing me for years not to confess this to him, and both my fiance and this coworker are at the show tonight, so I would love to have him hear it from you instead of me! Please grant me the forgiveness of the High Court and Dice Christ and alleviate my longtime guilt. Sincerely, The Guilty Dungeon Master

PANTAGES To the benevolent Supreme Crit Justices and their cake eating baby I present the case of the Charming Aboleth. My friends and I are playing through Tomb of annihilation and have been making our way through the floors of the dungeon. When we encountered a rather charming and hungry Aboleth. The Aboleth attempted to individually charm myself and two other party members,including Mikira, our cleric. Their roles were seemingly successful, but mine failed. My new best friend the Aboleth requested that I feed it a member of the party. Happy to oblige, I waited until our party needed to ferry across the water and made sure that Yo-nah-tas, our Efreeti Warlock and I were alone in a paddle boat when I kicked him overboard to the Aboleth who devoured him after several rounds of combat. Mikira, hearing the splash, came to investigate. I told him that I had accidentally dropped the oar and that Yo-nah-tas had decided to stay in the other room to rest and regain their flying ability. On an opposed skill check, my deception won out 17 to 6. He then said he would like to cast detect magic, which both I and the DM objected to. As far as he was aware, I gave a solid answer. He disagreed, saying he knew there was something magical afoot as the still unseen creature had tried to charm him. I disagreed because I successfully explained away the sound of the splash and was being outwardly helpful. Later when we returned to the original and they found yo-nah-tas was missing, I expressed concern that our friend was now missing and recommended that we break up into teams of 2 to find him. Mikira failed another opposed check against my deception, 19 to his 8. And again asked to cast detect magic because something seemed “fishy” about my story. This time I agreed that our friend going missing was suspicious, but I had again given a reasonable answer and based on the rolls, our interaction would not be a good reason for him to cast detect magic, and that doing so would waste time when we could be looking for our missing friend. So I leave it to the court. Were these interactions suspicious and worthy of detect magic in spite of my rolls, or were the objections of the DM and myself justified.

My humble greetings to the honorable judges and the dutiful bailiff who is doing his okay-est. I humbly ask the court to either overturn or sustain judgment of Brennan Lee Mulligan calling my Druid’s grove a ‘lair.’ This summer Brennan stopped by the Gunks Gaming Guild where I play DND. We happen to be in the middle of a session when he stopped by, and he asked us to introduce our characters. When it was my turn I introduced my wildfire druid who is a Magistrate/Mayor of a city set in wildspace. After elected they turned their manor into a community center offering free food, lodging and healthcare. As my druid leveled up, the Guild Masters made the manor and grounds a permanent druid grove. The grove gives me special abilities such as improved wildshape (monstrosities, dragons, and fey up to half my level), summoning shambling mounds, and lair actions. Previously the Guild was divided between calling it a community grove and a lair. However, Brennan exclaimed “You have a lair?!” From then on the Guild always refers to it as a lair. I ask the court to consider its primary use as a community center: should it be labeled a community grove or a lair?

May this drama please the honorable judges and befuddle the stalwart bailiff. I am a permaGM and mostly do gimmicky one shots for a local group my husband is a part of when they have lulls or special occasions. As such, their DM for the main campaign reaches out to me occasionally for ideas on how to have the players Find Out when they Fuck Around. This newest development is one that I've been expecting for a while. They have a problem player who is generally an ass outside of the table and has only been tolerated by the hosts (the DM and her husband who is also a player). The only reason he's been allowed at the table at all is because he *was* another player's best friend of about 10 years when he was first invited into the campaign. Since joining he has gotten into it with the rest of the party because they are all playing genuinely evil or morally dubious characters, and even though he was told this weeks before going in and was up to date on the story he was walking into, he decided on playing a lawful good character with Tragic Backstory and Cursed Future(TM). He has a case of Main Character Syndrome and has been the reason at least two sessions were cut short and everyone was sent home hours earlier than normal. The rest of the table has all come to an agreement that he needs to go. That's already settled. But they also want a satisfying story beat to do that on with his character before going "Alright, bye." So their DM reached out, filled me in on the current and planned plot, and has asked me to help with the story for getting rid of this player... which before I have even put my hands on it includes having his character get tricked into ritualistically killing his own children, selling his soul to his devil father through said ritual, and potentially losing all of his strength stat depending on rolls. My humble question is this: do I help make the fate of my husband's former best friend's character more awful as retribution for the genuine torment he's brought to this group of people and table I don't play with but do see the responses of (with the confirmation that this guy DOES enjoy bad things happening to his characters) or should I step back and leave this solely in the DM's hands?

Aster

To the Venerable, Virile, and Voracious Judges and their one friend who is a baby, I present the case of the Campaign-Ending Jinx. All throughout highschool, I had been running a game for some lifelong (or nearly) friends. I had been preparing several portfolios for art school applications, and my friends, all high achievers, were too busy with academics to play. Come the end of Senior Year, we were all out of school and were desperate to continue the four year long campaign that had been left by the wayside in our respective collegiate pursuits. I was delighted that my friends seemed just as excited about playing, enough to even dm me on discord to ask questions. The player in question, whom we’ll call Jinx, told me that he was “very inspired” by the show Arcane, and one of its protagonists, Jinx. To the uninitiated, Jinx is a multi-personality antihero who begins as a sympathetic character and ends a murderous psycho. It was fitting for his character, who was a wizard corrupted chaos, but made me worried. This character had caused party issues in the past, being the catalyst in an apocalyptic event that the party had to solve. Jinx also asked me for additional magic items for their character, citing their time away from the party as reason for it. I declined, explaining there would be opportunities to get such items later on in the session. They relented, and I put aside my fears and went back to preparing. When the session started, the party had just ended a confrontation with one of the BBEGS and needed to escape a city with the survivors as it was being overrun by the undead. They leapt onto a ship with the remainder of the populace and watched as the city burned. Deciding that now was a good time, Jinx rolled a wisdom saving throw (without my asking) and determined that their character had reverted to their villainous personality and started causing trouble. In retaliation the party tied her to the mast of the ship telling her to behave or she would be the party’s next target. In the meantime, the BBEG Lich had set up a few illusions on the ship to attempt to trick the players into revealing the mcguffin, which was in the hands of one of the party’s allies. The party began investigating these illusions, but were interrupted by Jinx constantly muttering under their breath and interrupting the main story to escape their rope ties and murder a citizen of the ship to take their place. When the party found out, they searched the ship for Jinx. One of the other players, a Hexblade Warlock, eventually found Jinx and combat began. Jinx rolled poorly on initiative and after a brutal crit from the warlock which dealt ~120 damage, was instantly dead. Sullenly, Jinx’s player pulled back from the table while the party celebrated the crit and remarked to me “You told me I wouldn’t need magic items.” After that, the session proceeded as normal and jinx took up the mantle of a different character but so much time had been spent on their shenanigans that it ended shortly afterwards and we haven’t played since. I humbly beseech the court—should I have given this player the magic items they requested and leaned into their character or should I have told them to take their roleplaying down a notch to create a better atmosphere for my other players before it disrupted the session?

Dexter OG

o the high priests of the church and the choir boy who manny’s Tucker and Jill’s child, I seek to confess. You see I believe I am a Paladin of dice Christ and it may be cause it harm to my friendships. The problem occurred whilst I was running Waterdeep dragon heist for a group of my friends, all experienced players and we got to about the second fight in the module which has you fighting a couple of different enemies including the problem enemy an intellect devourer the fight was going well and all the other enemies had been killed, it was just the devourer left who proceeded use a combo of its consume mind and Body Thief abilities on one of my players, I rolled a Nat 20 on the body thief’s intelligence contest and took the players body, I then let that player play as the Devourer in his old body and attack the other players, he took down one of the other players and was then killed. The Devourer then used the same combo again and got another Nat 20 (both of these were in front of the board) and I let the player do the same thing again but he was taken out before he could get a turn, leaving just my forever DM and his Small, Medium at Large, Gnome wizard rogue who was promptly Body Thieved this time only rolling a 19 and taking his body making it a TPK, my first, all because I rolled well and my friends all rolled under 10s for most of the fight missing most of their attacks. Although my friends knew it wasn’t my fault and we were all at the mercy of our heavenly Dicer I really feel bad for my forever DM as this was a character he was really looking forward to playing. This whole thing has made my belief in Dice Christ truer than ever but my trust in him strained. Did I do aiming wrong, am I right to feel this way?

PANTAGES To the resplendent supreme crit justices and the guy who, let's be honest, . I come before the court with the case of Rocks or Not: Several years ago, I was DMing a game where the party was traveling through a jungle when they were attacked by cannibalistic hunters. At one point during the fight, the party druid (my younger sister) said that she casts the spell Wrath of Nature. I was vaguely aware of what the spell did (on future turns, you can control the surrounding environment to attack), so I told her “great!” and moved the combat along. When it got back to the druid's turn, she told me she wanted to use the spell to pelt an enemy with rocks. In my mind, the surrounding environment was thick jungle; full of trees and dirt, but not rocks. I told her this and we debated back and forth for a bit. I told her every other part of the spell can still work, but she said she really only cast it for the rocks part. I held firm and told her there aren't any rocks in this part of the jungle. To this day, she will send me pictures of rocks she finds while driving around exclaiming, “See! Rocks!” Your Honors, was I wrong to imagine a rockless patch of jungle, or should my sister accept that rocks aren't everywhere? PS: I know it's your job to come up with a punishment, but if you rule against me, I will happily buy my sister a new set of math rocks to replace the ones I owe her.

To the Honorable Supreme Crit Justices and that one guy, I present to you the case of the incorporeal Shade. I play a homebrew Shaman Firbolg inside a dark horror setting, My party was in the middle of a fight with these homebrew creatures called Shades. I cast a 5th-level lightning chromatic orb at one of these creatures. I successfully hit the AC but my DM says since these things are incorporeal it passes right through instantly vaporizing a bystander behind it. I argue there was no way of me knowing there was a risk of me hitting a bystander because it was not in the rules and I was not warned of the risk, but my DM says I should have considered that it was a possible risk. Should my DM have warned me about possibly vaporizing an innocent bystander, or should I have known it was a risk? One of us awaits your righteous punishment. Shade stat block: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/1970393571900400/

PANTAGES!! To the great and all powerful justices and our sweet baby bailiff Jake, I bring to the courts the case of the PCs and the bear. My party was a group of friends and our DM was my partner, I was playing an Orc named geode that was 1 lvl Druid and 2 lvls of barbarian, we had just leveled up at the end our last session and I took my 3rd level in barbarian and decided to go way of the bear. For flavor and fun story telling I decided to roll to see if I could find a bear so I could collect the piece I needed for my totem(a bit of hair, claw, tooth, etc.) When I rolled high the dm said that there was a circus in town that had a toothless, dancing bear. One thing led to the next and I became friends with said bear and asked for a bit of his hair, thanked him and went on my merry way. However, our parties rouge decided that this bear needed to be freed from the circus and managed to take the bear out of town to the cemetery our party was to meet at. I was trying my best not get involved in the bear shenanigans as I didn’t want to upset my fellow party members by asking the dm for too much, however the fighter in our party had decided just then that his parents (who were never mentioned before this session) were killed by bears and his character would want to kill the bear that was just freed from the circus. Geode having become friends with the bear and who was great full to the bear for giving him a gift for his totem decided that he would protect the bear as he knew the bear posed no threat to party. Quickly a fight broke out, PC vs PC (geode and the rouge vs. the fighter)and real life tensions were running high. It was at that moment that our DM called the session early to keep us from killing each other in game. We continued to debate the issue after the session ended and never agreed on if the fighter was in the right for going after the bear or not. We haven’t played that campaign since that night. Tell me great justices. Was the rouge and I in the wrong for trying to protect a bear that was of no threat to the party or should we have let fighter avenge his parents death whom we had only just learned of minutes before the conflict had begun? I am at your mercy.

To the honorable judges and Baby bailiff Jake I bring the case of the main character DMPC. In a campaign I've been a part of my DM plays a human fighter npc in full plate armor that magically contains a demon curse. His character cannot speak and communicates by writing on a chalk board. We were at a masquerade in the elven capital at our political rivals house, and one of our party members wanted to sneak away to get information. She was the only member that it made sense for them to go because they were the only elf and would not be missed. Our DM then states that his character would be joining her and when we asked how his very distinctive character would not be noticed missing at the masquerade said that his character had set up that four identical actors had been arranged to mingle in the masquerade so no one would notice he was gone. This is not the first time he has inserted his character into to places that don't make sense for him to be or giving his character items the rest of the part does have access to (like full mithril armor and weapons.) I'm I right to feel like our PC's are being made to side characters by our DM or I'm I justified in telling my DM it does not make sense for his character to be in places he shouldn't. I humbly await your judgment, and my punishment if need be

RIVIERA Hello honorable justices Tanner Murphy and Axford. Oh I guess Barliff Joef too. I present you the case of the forgotten warning. I joined a game of Lost Mines of Phandelver that my cousin was running. It was a great time and we had a fun group of characters. When It came time to interact with a certain green dragon. The NPC that gives us the quest to get the dragon to leave also gave a warning that the green dragon was cunning was not to be trusted. We went to sneak up on us lair, but were spotted. The dragon called out to us, and after several moments convincing our characters to come and negotiate with him (and several unsuccessful insight checks) we walked towards the lair. Only to receive the biggest womping of the campaign. Only one character survived. I ask, did my cousin (who is sitting next to me here at the show in Chicago) fail in his task as a DM to warn us/remind us what the friendly NPC told us about not trusting this green dragon. Or did us players deserve the slaughter we walked in to for completely forgetting what the NPC said to us? Important context, when the three of us who died made new PCs, he gave us all a free feat because he "felt guilty" for killing us. I await your most venerable judgement.

KennyH

PANTAGES To the alluring, mysterious, sensual justices of the crit and their friend Jason, I present the case of the Tutor Eel. I DM a long-running off and on campaign for a group of mostly family. Due to busy schedules and adult life we will go for a few weeks in a row and then break off. To keep them informed of recent in game events, I introduced The Tutor Eel, a soft spoken brain worm created by mind flayer tech. He gave helpful tips and reminders to my party but I made the mistake of letting him access the mainframe of a major dungeon and control security feeds and give info. To solve this suddenly omniscient ally problem, I narrated his off camera demise when he was left alone in a tank far away from the party. Immediately my group exploded in protest and seeing my error I reintroduced him in a neutered form. However I feel like it was a narratively satisfying ending to a fun NPC and that I should have let him stay dead, was I wrong to cave to the outrage of my PCs?

Jor Elare

To the World Series Winning Judges and the cursed baliff who got traded in 2015- the party i dm for was arrested in a war-torn town, the factions made up of werewolves and grungs vs sprites & bullywugs. they befriended two of the werewolf guards (armin and armon) and promptly became invested in their torrid love triangle with a third werewolf named kyle, who canonically looks like matthew gray gubler. it's now two years later and the party managed to get out of town before a full-on war broke out. however, in a recent session, our monk/barbarian (who joined the party after the above event) who is from the war-torn area narrated in a dream sequence of the ensuing battle, in which he punched armin, armon, and kyle to death in one fell punch, canonizing their deaths. i, the dm, am delighted by this choice- he was in the battle while the party was at the circus. the party however, is asking how to make this action against the geneva conventions, thank you RIVIERA seat F12 main floor!

To esteemed and hopeful forgiving crit justices and that other guy baliff lake i bring not a case but a confessional so if you would interced to dice christ on my behalf i will confess, playing in a homebrew saltmarsh campaign and my first time playing artificer i felt a lack of healing so took a level of cleric because we also found plate so level of life cleric for the proficiency, we run into a bandit camp and are surrounded things get dire i had cast bless at the beginning and i lost track of rounds i do believe i had round 10 correct but i could of been off by one and bless saved some npcs and party members, my confession is two fold i have a strength of 9 so plate should have made my movement 20 ft and a couple times roll concentration on bless at half damage which sometimes was under 10, i had a moment of second guessing myself but pushed on thinking i was right on the rule always being half damageand so much was happening in the combat and to keep track of, so i ask did i overreach in trying to get to much and having to much to track walk speed concentration and rounds of combat and have i cursed the campaign by wildly changing the narrative preventing npc and party death or was this being my first transgression even though it was multiple during a seisson or can i continue with dice Christ's blessing if you want to call it that as i have Caldwell disease and am in someway forever cursed to bless the narrative and mundane in crazy ways

DOOFINIUS

RIVIERA To the Illustrious Crit Justices and their lil buddy the bailiff: I'm currently playing in a weekly game with nine players and a DM. This is a lot of people, but we have a good time and the DM does a good job balancing all the players. The issue that I bring to the court today is that three separate players have decided to make a SECOND character. While I initially thought they were going to swap their characters out, each person is now playing two at once, which means we have twelve player characters and motivations to handle in a three-hour session. Am I in the right for being perturbed by this plethora of player characters, or am I just being a buzzkill? I graciously await your judgment.

RIVIERA. To the honorable and honestly a little too beautiful Crit Justices and the baby Bailiff Jackson, I bring an update to the case of Shrek the Rogue. Previously, the Crit had heard the case of my twin sister who refused to play anyone except Shrek in our very first D&D game, and I must give a funny but sad update to that game. Unfortunately, life has gotten in the way for that campaign and it is on pause. However, Shrek still lives on in very silly memory. In the last session before we paused, I had “Gemma-ed” Fiona and made Shrek go through a court case to prove that he did not kill his ex wife. He won, and everything worked out well for him. However, I bring to you a confession. In the “Gemma-ing”, I rolled stealth on my assassin ahead of time. His first roll was a 2. Because I knew that in order for the rest of the session to run properly, Fiona had to die, I decided on the fly that the assassin rolls with advantage and proceeded to get like a 25 on stealth, an unbeatable number for Shrek (my guy has a -1 to stealth). I beg of you forgiveness on my sin of forsaking Dice Christ, and hope that you look down on me with kindness and forgiveness. P.S., I’m in row d of the balcony!

Alex W

To the Honorable Judges, and the extremely handsome bailiff who's name escapes me, I bring you the case of the forcibly swapped race. My party recently swapped from 5e to Pathfinder 2e, by popular vote, and thus we had to translate our characters from 5e to PF2E. I am playing a Bardbarian, so this translated nicely as PF2E has a muse for the bard that is a warrior. So far so good. The problem is this, I WAS a dragonborn in 5e, and there is no nice translation for them in PF2E. I suggested the Battlezoo Ancestries: Dragons, as it was the closest thing to a bipedal dragon man. (Let it be known that my Dragonborn was tall and dumb, this is important). Alas, the DM said that I wasn't a literal dragon in 5e, so I would have to settle for being a LIZZARDFOLK with the draconic scion heritage! In his world, Lizardfolk are small, fast, and deceitful! My sweet baby boy Dremmesh is thick of ass and thick of skull, and would never lie to someone on purpose but the DM insists that THAT is how I should be playing him now. And so, honorable judges and handsome bailiff, am I wrong to be upset, or should I bend to God's will? PS, the DM and I are great friends outside of just Roleplaying, and we discussed this in person and came to a conclusion, but I continue to be pedantic and seek validation for my woes, joking as they are. PPS Pantages!

DT5537

RIVERIA hello honorable justices tanner, murphy, and axford and I guess the bailiff too. i present to you the case of the cube dicked rouge. it was our first combat of the campaign and our rouge was failing miserably (rolled a 1, a 2, and another 1). naturally they were disappointed by getting to do absolutely nothing in combat while the rest of the party beat up the baddie, so they decided to find new entertainment. completely unsanctioned they announced they were going to “roll for dick size” they rolled a nat 20. now they won’t stop mentioning their 20 inch penis claiming that it is canon because they rolled for it and got a nat 20. they mention it every session even now claiming that it is 20 inches on every side and they have a cube dick. should this unsanctioned roll be considered canon to the campaign?

MJ Johnson

RIVIERA Dear Emily, Jake, Caldwell, and Murph, who I consider to just be regular people. My friend recently started a One Piece themed campaign, and inside a pub we saw a person we had fought before. While the rest of the party talked, I decided to throw a stool at him. I was told to roll and subsequently did 1d4 of damage. But there were no consequences. Here is where I maybe was a jerk. My friend is fairly new at DMimg, and so I decided to throw another stool. The guy was still talking to the party. Again no backlash. I threw an additional seven stools before he became bloodied and decided to fight back. Guys, am I wrong to continue to do something that kept working despite playing on the inexperience of my DM?

Mitch