Update: January 14th, 2019

Extri, extri! Read all about it!

Editing continues unabated on SAOA and MHAA, as does writing for same!

In other news, slow news days continue their stranglehold on the newspaper business!

I can't feed my family! 

I mean, granted, it's a family of birds, but they're all I've got!

Some might say they only hang around because they're waiting for me to die so that they might feast upon my rich, tasty innards, but I still love them! After all, we all have our lies that get us through the day!

I, for one, like to tell myself my father loves me!

He beats me!

He's a pigeon!

I'm 35!

Some of those were lies! Some were the truth! But what's always true is the joy I get from the good, wholesome, content produced by SWE!

Content such as the Friday Night Stream, where they'll be joined by some beautiful guest bois, including, but not limited to: Coffin "Chase" Jockwoggler III, Sir Buddington of VA, Eric, and THE Dastails, first of his name!

I know! I can't believe they got him either!

Those wondrous man-gods and lady-god shall be playing The Sims 4! Their goal: to complete the 100 Baby Challenge, and solidify their dynasty upon a foundation of unpaid child support and leaving babies home alone while momma trolls for strange new dad dick!

Plot twist! I am one of those unattended babies, sent here from the distant future to warn you about the dying newspaper business! That's why I have come here, to this day, Jan 14, 18 ought 2! I'm really banking on someone writing everything I'm saying down and posting it on the internet some 200 years later! What's the internet you ask?! Well, my boy, do I have a tale for you...

But that's all he wrote. I found this update 40 years ago on a piece of parchment inside a bottle that had washed up on shore on the day of my grandfather's passing. I then smashed that bottle and used it to rob a liquor store, as he requested in the letter. Right, I... uh... forgot. He wrote that, the internet thing, and then nothing else. Yes. So you see, it's really his crime, not mine. I certainly shouldn't have been locked in this prison cell for the last 40 years! At least they let me keep the bottle. That was their mistake.

And that all he wrote. Francis "hey does this bottle look sharp enough to cut through a man's jugular vein" McGillicutty broke out of prison that very night. Some say he's still stabbin' his way across the country to this day, going by the alias "Anne Hathaway". That is, if you believe the rumours, of course. Old men love to tell their tales. Tales like how the bois will also be joining us for Unlocked and the Discord Hang. We do not yet know which movie we shall watch together. Maybe the answer lies somewhere... in the stars...

Love,
Newspaper boy
Francis  "hey does this bottle look sharp enough to cut through a man's jugular vein" McGillicutty/Anne Hathaway
SWE