Update: November 19th, 2018
Added 2018-11-20 03:31:27 +0000 UTCHello again,
Kill me. Right now. Do it.
I'm so tired. I haven't seen the sun in weeks. Goddamn you, yearly rotation of the Earth around the Sun, resulting in reduced daylight hours. Damn you to heck.
But anyways, terrible news, everyone! We finished the bloopies for episode 13! They're now available to our $10+ Patrons! I'm so sorry. But hey, now that they're finished, that means I can finally start editing episode 14! Hooray! I honestly can't tell if that's sarcastic anymore. What has this series done to me?
We're also gonna have the recording session for episode 14 up later tonight for all you $25+ Patrons! In case it's not obvious, there be a HashtagSpoilerWarning in effect, so watch out. Once episode 14 is completed, we'll also make those recordings available to the $10+ peeps!
On a more earnest note, which is deeply uncomfortable for us so let's get this over with and STOP LOOKING AT US!
*ahem*
Today is #ThankYouPatrons day, and as existentially horrifying as it is to realize that we're living in an age where holidays can and will contain hashtags, let's just move right on past that to the sentiment of the thing. We are unbelievably thankful every day for every single one of you. Yes, even you, Jeremy. What happens in Paraguay stays in Paraguay. All is forgiven.
Thanks to you, we get to live our dreams of living in a basement and being professional weebs. Which legally makes you complicit in anything we do. Long story short, we're gonna need you guys to hide a body. We've cut it into a piece for each of you. Consider it a gift. I know, it's too much, and you can't possibly accept it. But you must, because I know you don't wanna go back to prison. Jeremy. So yeah. Spread 'em out as wide as you can and we can put this whole business behind us. And always remember how thankful we are for your support, both financially and in a court of law. But especially remember that if you fuckin' snitch, there's about 2100 people ready to back us up. What do you got, Jeremy? That's right, we haven't forgiven you! You think we could just FORGET?! JEREMY!!!
Love,
Something Witty

Comments
Cool
2018-11-27 11:39:12 +0000 UTCI am now happy that I am part of the Jeremy Body Part Lottery.
SapphireBrightEyes
2018-11-21 02:15:09 +0000 UTC*checks maintenance schedule* Well, looks like this body is going to be a part of however many airplane parts it'll take for gross machine water to wear away a fingerprint. I may not agree with the killing, but for you? I'll do some body part hiding.
Ben Johnston
2018-11-20 09:37:52 +0000 UTCDon’t you put this evil on me!
Travis
2018-11-20 04:24:23 +0000 UTCI don’t mind helping you guys with your bodies as long as you help me with mi- *ahem. I mean we luv u guys! Keep it up!
Tyric Gaias
2018-11-20 04:17:16 +0000 UTCYou are so very welcome keep being awesome and ill keep supporting
2018-11-20 03:43:52 +0000 UTCAfter only finding the SAO Abridged series a week or two ago, this will be the highlight of every week. I'll be reading these at least once everyday and wondering how I only found this amazing humor this late. That aside, I hope when I can, I can help support you all more!
Starleon
2018-11-20 03:38:55 +0000 UTCLove you guys. Been worth the years.
Devin Costa
2018-11-20 03:38:46 +0000 UTCI can’t wait to get this gift that isn’t suspicious at all
2018-11-20 03:35:20 +0000 UTCFirst!
Blackfyre269
2018-11-20 03:32:49 +0000 UTC