Leap Year | Much Needed Reflection

Today is the last day of February, and I can’t help but feel like it’s already been a year. 2024 thus far has been wild as shit. I finished 6 Songs; Mother of Lost Things came out, Trypophobic Posession pre-sale…it’s freaking insane. Well, and I got into another car accident so that was cool, I guess?

They say that this leap year won’t happen again for another four years. Four years ago, I never expected to be lying here writing these words, ya know? Four years ago, I was sitting at my computer desk back in Florida, crying over a guy who didn’t love me (couldn’t, anyway), and wishing I’d die every minute. I used to fantasize about getting hit by a car crossing the street..

I guess it wasn’t my time. But, that’s just it, isn’t? The things we want, sometimes, are placed in our lives, at the right moments. I can’t help but feel proud of what I’ve accomplished. It’s been hard. I won’t even pretend to act like anything I’ve done is easy, and if I did say that—I’d be lying. I’ve spent countless hours of my days stressing, obsessing, crying, and doubting every minute of what I’ve done. I’m very doubtful…of a lot. That’s something I’ve always done.

I still feel as if all this hard work will just explode in my face, and all this wasted time and energy will just disintegrate into nothingness. I try not to think about it, and whenever have my doubts, I think about that girl four years ago that wished she was dead. You see, at that time, I certainly didn’t think I’d ever have the life I have now, nor did I ever think I’d escape the illusory prison I’d created for myself. I always find it funny how we never think we will overcome what we go through. We sit, worry, think, and drive ourselves insane, don’t we? It’s not till years later do we realize how strong we are, but hindsight is 20/20, and most times it takes the shitty to teach us about the good.

I still can’t believe it’s four years later and how so much has happened. I’ve met you all, made fantastic friends, and STILL writing on Patreon since 2021. Wow. Incredible.

I never think myself as a somebody, my friends. I think I’ll always be that goofy, crooked-tooth weirdo that fights for creativity, and I’m okay with that. I just hope, that we all get just that one break. Whether it be an hour, day, week…or hell…even minutes…I just want us all to get there. Four years later, I’m still getting there…slowly but surely, but I don’t quit. And I don’t want you all to quit, either. Because I see the potential in all of you, and I know how hard it is to tell your mind that you’re better than it. Esssntially, if I’ve learned one thing in these four years, it’s that the human heart is a powerful weapon.

You gotta give it your heart, in everything that you do. Down to the deepest depths, up to the highest peaks—everything in life that you’ve ever wanted, is attainable with some sheer heart and soul.

I made that conscious decision four years ago to write Bending Reality, and that book, made this girl.

You can’t quit, friends. Please, never quit. If you never listen to anything I say, or tell me to go fuck myself entirely, you have to know this:

I still believe. In me, in us, in you. And hey, we’re all still here. Four years later, we are all still here. And that’s something to celebrate.

Godspeed, my friends. Let’s March forward.