Painful Memory

TRIGGER WARNING ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

This story contains content some people might find disturbing and/or triggering. Read at your own risk.

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Like cracks in a dam, the emotional walls Liam had built to protect his psyche shuddered against the weight of his pent-up rage. Years of locked-away grief, anger, and frustration spouted forth, threatening to fracture his mental stability. He clenched his fists and teeth, grinding his molars down as if to break through his lower jaw.

“Demons are monsters!” Liam shouted angrily in Belphegor’s face, “You take without consent and kill without conscience.”

He jabbed a stiff index finger at the demon’s nose and spat venom with every word, “You torture, maim, rape, and kill…and some of you even get off on it!”

Belphegor stared back into his eyes with unwavering contempt.

“Human beings aren’t even people to you! We’re just playthings to be ripped apart and broken! Like pleasure objects for you to enjoy at your twisted leisure.” As he spoke, Liam didn’t even bother to mask his unbridled hatred.

He turned to walk away and spat over his shoulder, “Being ‘good’ just isn’t in a monster’s nature.” 

A ferocious snarl escaped Belphegor’s mouth as he bared his fangs at Liam’s back, “You humans and your self-righteous, hypocritical bullshit.”

Liam’s muscles tensed, ready to spring into action. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as he expected to feel the sting of demonic claws digging into his flesh. Instead, Belphegor’s hurt and exasperated words flew at him like knives.

“Demons are monsters? Humans aren’t any better!” The demon laughed. His offended tone betrayed his cocky attitude. “You have the gall to feign innocence when you humans do the same shit to your own kind.”

Liam spun around and fired off a cynical laugh of his own. “Do not compare us. We are not the same.”

Belphegor snapped right back, “Oh really? Did you ever stop to wonder why ‘bad’ humans get sent to Hell?”

He made quotation marks with his fingers for sarcastic emphasis.

Liam laughed again, this time stepping closer to do it in Belphegor’s face, “And why would I ever believe anything that comes out of your mouth?”

“Honestly, I don’t give two fucks what you believe.” Belphegor retorted. “Demons aren’t monsters. We’re wardens.”

He stepped closer so he was touching his nose to Liam’s, “And Hell isn’t a prison for demons–it’s for evil human souls.”

Liam scoffed and turned to walk away again, but Belphegor grabbed his arm.

“The reason most demons despise humans is because we only ever see human society’s worst.” Belphegor’s voice strained with frustration. “The liars, rapists, and murderers.”

His eyes met Liam’s, begging for Liam to understand, “But we don’t get a choice in the matter. Even if we closed Hell’s gates, they’d still find their way to us.”

“Let go of me.” Liam growled. “Now.”

Belphegor released his grip on Liam’s arm and sighed, “Just answer me. Who in their right mind would choose that kind of life? Who would actively choose to wipe shit off the ass of humanity for all eternity?”

In a flash of thought, Liam imagined himself punching Belphegor square in his bullshitting, fanged mouth. Humans are monsters? Wrong. Humans don’t possess innocent people to use them for despicable shit like murder.

“Evil is in everything, not just demons. Humans have the same corrupt, vile, and twisted tendencies.” Belphegor continued with a passive tone. “Sure, there are some awful demons out there, but you can’t blame them for wanting to escape Hell, nor can you blame them for hating humans.”

Belphegor’s unflinching expression only made Liam want to hit him more.

“No. I can blame them for hurting innocent people, and I do!” Liam replied.

“Innocence is an illusion.” Belphegor narrowed his eyes in frustration. “Everyone sins. Everyone has skeletons in their closet.”

The demon’s patience was visibly wearing thin. At the same time, Liam’s anger continued to rise. He didn’t want to hear another manipulative word. Belphegor’s logic made sense, but that’s how they get inside your head. They empathize. They make you think they’re on your side so they can drain your will to fight back. 

Liam was losing the battle for restraint and this demon was burning through every single one of the levies holding back his rage.

“Nope. Demons can’t be innocent.” Liam retorted crudely.

“Why?” Belphegor asked.

“Because.” Liam muttered.

“Because why?” Belphegor hissed at Liam through clenched fangs. The demon’s temper was also reaching its climax.

“Because a demon killed my parents!” Liam shouted as the final levy snapped like a twig. 

He swung, connecting a hardened fist with Belphegor’s face.

A sickening crack sent a wave of pain up Liam’s arm. He’d broken something in his hand, but the rage coursing through his veins quickly blocked out all other feelings. As if time stopped for a moment, Liam felt weightless. This volley of emotion was raw and pure–the most honest he’d been in his entire life. That one sentence contained leftover grief from everything Liam had lost at the hands of vicious Hellspawn–demons just like Belphegor.

Then the dam burst.

Without any of his mental levies to hold it back, Liam’s mind vault opened like a flood and released all of his trauma. The memories he painstakingly locked away surged forward like a raging tide and swarmed his consciousness. Violent images of his demon-possessed Father murdering his helpless mother flashed like the crackling reel of a vintage horror film. With a visible wince, he grasped the side of his head and staggered. 

When he opened his eyes again, Liam was in his childhood home, cowering in the corner of a blood-soaked room. Fear paralyzed his limbs as he watched the horrific scene play out over and over. 

Liam was alone in the room–unable to save his parents or do anything except cry and shake from crying. 

Wearing his father like a flesh suit, the demon hacked and slashed at his mother with shadowy, vicious claws. More of his mother’s blood splattered across the room as her shrill, piercing screams pounded on his young eardrums.

Back in reality, Belphegor spat blood and wiped his fattening lip. He’d tried his best not to let Liam’s punch shake him, but he couldn’t stop his head from turning under the force of impact. A trickle of blood trailed down out of the corner of his mouth and dripped on the ground beneath his feet. The deafening silence that followed lasted several awkward seconds. Setting his jaw, Belphegor glared at Liam with vengeful fury. Flaring his yellow, goat-like eyes, the demon unleashed his Sin, Manipulation of the Mind, and stepped right into Liam’s thoughts.

Everything went dark. 

Then, Belphegor’s feet landed softly in a trashed living room of a suburban human home. He narrowed his eyes and scanned the room until his gaze fell on a younger version of Liam cowering in a corner. 

“Pathetic.” He scoffed in disappointment. 

Young Liam flinched as he approached.

“Just so we’re clear, I’m not going to beat a kid.” Belphegor said in disgust, pulling young Liam up into the air by the collar of his shirt. “But the second you’re back in your real body, you’re gonna pay for that sucker punch–”

Suddenly, the thick, metallic smell of human blood assaulted Belphegor’s nose and he registered the growing pool of red beneath their feet. His eyes widened as he noticed the horrific scene between Liam’s mother and father playing on loop behind them.

He gently released Liam’s shirt and walked over to the montage of murder, but what really caught his eye was behind it. A cracked steel door sat on the floor, blown clean off its hinges. Next to it was a giant, metal vault. It was missing a door.

“Fuck.” Belphegor muttered sadly.

He turned back to young Liam who was still cowering in the spot where he’d left him. The possessed father cackled manically between his wife’s screams. Young Liam begged for his father to stop, but the memory ignored his traumatized sobs and continued to repeat itself.

Belphegor’s vision blurred and standing before him was his own father, Astaroth, with claws drenched in the blood of people Belphegor cared about. The manic laughter and visible joy taken from the suffering of others...the irony of it made his stomach churn.

Belphegor furrowed his brow and clenched his fists.

“Stop this.” He said calmly. “You’re literally torturing yourself.”

Belphegor turned his head so he was speaking at young Liam. The boy stopped crying for a moment and shot the demon a look of rattled confusion.

“Yes, I’m talking to you.” Belphegor affirmed with stern conviction, “You’re the one doing this to yourself.”

“Why the fuck would I do this to myself?” Young Liam gasped between sobs.

“I don’t know. You tell me.” Belphegor replied.

He sliced a hand through the body of Liam’s possessed father. It cut through his torso like it was a veil of mist–like the father wasn’t even real. 

“This is a memory. Your memory.” Belphegor explained, pointing at the mist, “It won’t stop until you tell it to.”

“I…I don’t know how!” Young Liam replied hysterically, tears rolling down his face, “It won’t listen to me!”

Like a defensive reflex, Liam’s body returned to his adult self, but he was still sobbing in the corner. Belphegor knelt down in front of him and looked Liam square in the eyes. A blubbery sob escaped Liam’s lips. He returned the demon’s gaze with a face twisted in grief. His sockets were so swollen and red from crying he could hardly see.

Belphegor sighed through his nostrils and wiped away a stream of wet tears from Liam’s trembling cheek.

“Look, I’ll help you out. But only this once.” He said, standing to face Liam’s father. “This is your trauma. And if you ever want to heal and recover from it, you need to confront it.”

Using his Sin, Belphegor stared at the memory and willed it to return inside the vault. He uncomfortably shifted his gaze to the floor as the blood disappeared from the room. The bodies of Liam’s parents faded and the house returned to normal. The repaired metal door returned to its rightful place on the vault’s hinges and slammed itself shut. The wheel-like crank on the vault’s exterior spun and clanked as the vault’s lock clicked back into place.

Belphegor never imagined he’d be using his Sin to help re-cage someone’s subconscious trauma, but something about helping Liam felt strangely...good.

For a fraction of a second, Belphegor’s chest began to glow a faint gold color.

“It’s over now. You’re...safe.” He said quietly to Liam, extending a hand to help him up off the ground.

“Fuck you.” Liam retorted with loathing and swatted Belphegor’s hand away, “You just killed my parents.”

Belphegor’s eyebrows shot up and he retracted his hand. The glow in his chest faded instantly.

“Alright fine, I’ll just bring the memory back then.” He laughed with loathing.

He walked back to the vault door to reopen it.

“No, wait! Please...don’t.” Liam cried anxiously. He quickly raised his hands in surrender.

The light of the moon filled Liam’s memory house. Belphegor returned to Liam's side with a vexed expression and crossed arms. Liam pulled his knees up to his chest.

“Please, just take away this hurt.” He pleaded. “Make me forget all of it.”

Belphegor eyed Liam with pity, but he wasn’t surprised by the request.

“...I can’t.” He replied.

“Can’t or won’t?” Liam asked, voice rising with anger.

After a pause, Belphegor answered, “Won’t.”

“But you can do it, right? You have the power.” Liam begged, standing up to grab Belphegor by the arms.

Belphegor shrugged off his grip and looked away, “Liam, stop. My answer is no.” 

“But why? Why won’t you?” Liam shoved Belphegor back, “You feed on memories right? I want to forget it. I want to forget all of it!”

Belphegor remained silent.

Liam laughed loudly in an unsettling fit of sarcasm, “Of course! How could I forget? You’re a demon. You enjoy suffering like this!”

Belphegor frowned, but kept his temper controlled. “That’s not true. Even though it’s painful, some things need to be remembered.”

He pointed a finger at Liam’s vault. “But this? Locking your feelings away so you don’t have to deal? It isn’t healthy.”

“What are you, my therapist?! Fuck you! Get the fuck out of my head!” Liam shouted, shoving Belphegor again.

Belphegor balked, unable to respond. He desperately wanted to comfort Liam, but...wait, why the hell was he even having this conversation? Belphegor thought to himself. Where were these strange feelings coming from?

Liam placed both hands on the demon’s chest again and shoved him back, “I never even asked you to be here! Get the fuck out!”

Suddenly the two of them snapped out of Liam’s mindscape and back to their bodies in the real world.

Liam’s haggard expression quickly turned furious. From the dark circles under his eyes and lack of color in his face, Belphegor could tell he was physically and emotionally exhausted. Liam looked like he hadn’t slept in days, even though they’d only been in his mind for a few seconds of real time. 

Through the sound of the ocean tide crashing against the beach next to them, the tension in the air was deafening. Belphegor shifted uneasily as the uncomfortable silence dragged on. Without a word, Liam turned and walked away. His steps carried him swiftly back to Red Cove as grey sand crunched under his feet.

Belphegor bit through his nerves and called after him, “You might not believe this, but I’m genuinely sorry for what happened to you as a kid.”

Liam stopped. The echoes of his rage threatened to reignite once more.

“Fuck you.” He replied, trudging on.

Belphegor glared at the sand beneath his shoes and snarled, “Fine. Whatever. Fuck you too.”

© James Schleisman May 2020 All Rights Reserved