endlessjess

Vectorman

Added 2024-08-30 23:03:38 +0000 UTC

Vectorman is a defunct relic of the Sega Genesis era and so am I.

This game rules. It ruled then, it will always rule. The fact that it has the sloppiest, floatiest, fuckiest controls in the world does not in any way detract from that fact.

Today’s pampered generation wouldn’t understand. Sometimes, back in the day, the coolest games were all fucked up and you just had to learn to live with it, and love it. What else are you gonna do? Not play Vectorman? Fat chance, fucko.

Vectorman is rad as fuck in every way. So what if he careens wildly off the screen every time you try to move, run, jump, shoot or do literally anything, it’s part of his charm.

He’s a techno-robot made of floating balls, living in a polluted cyber-future, cleaning up garbage and shooting the shit out of a guy with a nuke for a head. Try to come up with a cooler collection of words to describe anything than that, you can’t. But with Vectorman it’s easy because it’s nothing but the truth.

Even the SEGA logo itself isn’t safe from Vectorman’s righteous rampage. This guy is unstoppable. One of the coolest characters ever in a game. He only got one sequel. Then the studio that made him died and he was lost to time, doomed and damned to forever be an artifact of the 90s. A terrible tragedy. There should have been 50 Vectorman games. He should have been on every console. He should be in Smash Bros, AND in Tekken… AND in real life.

Come on, people. It’s 2024. We are literally living in a rotten, ugly, stupid stinking cyber-future and somehow the scientists have yet to create a real Vectorman. He's the only one who can fix this mess, so get off your ass, humanity. Build Vectorman and put him in the White House. His time is NOW!