Ass Creed Bore-igins

I'm a simple man with a simple dream. A dream of owning a time machine. Ubisoft knows this and has been weaponizing my dream against me since the X-Box 360 days. They know that all i really want to do is escape the modern world and live in a time when people were still human. So they keep cranking out these games with promises of a living breathing ancient setting, only to take my money and fart in my face with the same smelly Assassin's Creed gameplay. You can't spell Assassin's Creed without ASS, ASS, and SIN, so i should really know better by now, but I fall for it every damn time.

So pernicious is the system of mechanics that Ubisoft cooked up and never deviated from that Assassin's Creed has infected the genetic legacy of all future games like it was Ghengis Khan or something. The stink of this series has escaped the series itself and now every game is Ass Creed. Even Final Fantasy Fucking 7 is Ass Creed now, that's how bad it's gotten. 150 straight hours of climbing towers for map markers is not something Cloud Strife should ever be doing, I know because Cloud Strife is literally me, and i hate that shit.

Yes, I'm playing Rebirth and yes you will hear me complain about it more. Much more. Just as soon as i beat it which should only take another century or so, because Square-Enix loves wasting my time as much as Ubisoft does, but at least with Ubisoft i have the freedom to not care and stop playing forever as soon as i get bored. But they took all the boredom of this series and stuffed it into something i love, Final Fantasy. Just like Ubisoft created that never-ending loop of boredom in the first place and stuffed it into something else i love, history.

I hate this fetid series and all that it's done to gaming.