Arcade Paradise

I assumed this game would be just be some kind of arcade game collection but it's actually a full arcade management sim, which is pretty cool. You start out in the laundromat where michelle yeoh was being middle aged and sexy in that movie, and i guess you slowly turn it into a bumpin funzone full of games and stuff.

So if you just wanna walk around in the arcade atmosphere and play some cool games, you have to earn it by building the damn arcade yourself. Just like life, if you wanna do literally anything fun you have to do everything yourself and involve nobody cause everybody will inevitably fuck everything up.

Arcades rule. You kids don't know what you're missing. Whenever i see an arcade now it's like finding a unicorn, but like a broken unicorn. Not as majestic as when the species was still thriving. Floppy horn, smelly butt, donkey faced and covered in crap. The last time i saw an arcade that was actually cool was in 2017, and i was extremely drunk, so for all i know it may have been a laundromat too.

One time i went to this "barcade" in Chicago. This was back in 2013 when millenials were still the cool young generation, and came up with all kinds of cool stuff like that before the world broke us down into the youngest generation of hopeless boomers yet. The era of the barcade was a wonderful time that will never be seen again because todays young people only something something tik tok and don't even listen to Ke$ha featuring Pitbull anymore.

But if you want a real arcade paradise let me talk to ya. When i was a kid i used to go to this little resort town in Michigan called Caseville. It was all beaches and ice cream shops and this rad little theme park with a big slide, bumper cars, bumper boats, weird shaped basketball hoops, and an arcade. That fucking place was paradise. I remember walking in there and playing Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 and The X-Men game where Colossus goes AAAAaaAaAAAGH! Life never got better.

I went back there about a year ago and it was all messed up. Time is cruel. All the arcade games were gone, replaced by ticket games for shitty prizes. All the go karts and shit were still there. But the arcade exists only in my memories now. Shameful.

Well now that i've bummed you out, here's a funny video.