Midnight Pals: Silent Hill

Christophe Gans: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the return to silent hill
Gans: yup that's right
Gans: there's a new silent hill movie
Gans: you might not have heard bc the studio is mysteriously not promoting it at all
Gans: probably because its so good

Gans: now i hear all you silent hill fans saying "but christophe, will it be like the game?"
Gans: yes it will
Gans: exactly like the game
Gans: slavishly devoted to the game
Gans: like literally just a bunch of game cut scenes strung together

Gans: see, some people might say that film and video game are different media and that what works in one might not work in the other
Gans: those people just aren't trying hard enough

Gans: what would you say is the thing that people really like about the silent hill movies
Keiichiro Toyama: probably the dark psychological symbolism
Gans:
Toyama: and also the way the radio makes noise when a monster shows up
Gans: yes!
Gans: yes, my thoughts exactly!

Gans: i am going to be 100% faithful to your video game vision keiichiro
Gans: it looks exactly like a PS2 cut scene
Gans: if you're a fan of extreme face close-ups of blank faced polygonal sprites and janky walk-cycles
Gans: oo you're gonna love this!

Toyama: astounding! this exactly matches a 20 year old video game in tone and look!
Toyama: i really love the way the actors always look like they're about to clip through walls
Toyama: boy, this brings me back

Gans: it's 100% faithful to your original vision, not a single change to made in concession to the fact that its a totally different medium!
Toyama: when does james find a can full of lightbulbs
Gans:
Gans: ok one change

Gans: ok i'll admit it, we did make a couple small changes
Gans: but don't worry
Gans: they might be small, but they will make the film substantially worse
Toyama:
Toyama: so no can of light bulbs?

Gans: ok you know that bit in the game where pyramid head rapes a mannequin as a manifestation of the protagonists' rage against his dead wife?
Toyama: yeah?
Gans: we thought that was a bit extreme
Gans: so we changed it to something silly instead

Gans: we thought what if instead
Gans: pyramidhead fights a spider monster with a huge dumptruck ass
Gans: and he just spends the whole fight just pounding on the monster's ass
Gans: not metaphorically
Gans: i mean like punching dat ass with his fists

Gans: we put in all your favorite boss fight monsters too
Gans: of course it's a movie not a video game so it doesn't really make sense to have boss fights but
Gans: it looks cool in a PS2 kind of way

Toyama: did you do the shibe ending
Gans: no we didn't do the shibe ending
Toyama: aw i kinda wanted the shibe ending
Dean Koontz: i also wanted the shibe ending
Barker: there's a shock