Midnight Pals: Liberalism

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i finally know why the ungrateful kidss thesse dayss have been rejecting harry potter
Barker: we all figured that out a long time ago
Poe: clive
Barker: oh i'm sorry edgar
Barker: am i wrong?
Poe:
Poe: no you're not wrong

Rowling: you know why the children today don't like harry potter?
Barker: oh this is going to be good
Rowling: it'ss becausse they've fallen out of love with liberalisssm
Barker: ah haha ha
Barker: oh MAN ha ha
Barker: i knew it was going to be good
Barker: i didn't know it was going to be THAT good

Rowling: sssee, the kidsss today don't like liberalisssm ergo they don't like harry potter
Barker: hmmm yeah i don't know about that
Barker: pretty sure it's the transphobia
Rowling: NO
Rowling: it'ss becausse of liberalisssm
Barker: is it tho?
Rowling:
Rowling: sshut up

Rowling: look, it'ss obviouss that kidss today jusst don't religioussly follow this thirty year old media property for arbitrary and unknowable reassonsss
Barker: yeah i don't know about that
Rowling: ITSSS TRUE!!
Rowling: IT WAS IN THE NEW YORK TIMES!!!
Barker: oh the new york times! oh of course!

Barker: oh yeah the new york times
Barker: definitely the paper that i would trust to have an accurate read on this situation
Lovecraft: you know what they say about the new york times
Barker:
Poe:
King:
Koontz:
Lovecraft: it's all run by potterheads
Poe: I was not expecting that

Louise Perry: hey there louise perry here, ace reporter, with the real scoop
Perry: your trusted source for all wizarding world news
Perry: you may remember me from such pieces as "we need a sorting hat for larynx size" and "what voldemort got right about mass internment"

Perry: JK Rowling, how does it feel to be the most persecuted woman in all history?
Rowling: oh louisse it'ss sso hard
Rowling: the children today, they jusst don't appreciate all that i've done for them
Rowling: but i ssmile through my tearss
Perry: brave words from history's greatest warrior

Perry: the important thing to remember is that harry potter has definitely fallen out of favor for reasons completely unrelated to the author's transphobia
Rowling: oh of course of course
Perry: because everyone loves that
Rowling: yess it'ss very popular