Midnight Pals: Gryffindors

JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh hi joanne
Poe: do you have something to
Rowling: I have sssomething to sssay
Poe: is it about
Rowling: iran ssseemss to be unusssually full of gryffindorsss
Poe: oh!
Poe: oh i was not expecting that

Poe: i thought it was gonna be about
Barker: you thought it was gonna be about trans women?
Poe: yeah i really thought it was gonna be about trans women
Poe: this is kind of a pleasant change
Poe: a little odd but pleasant

Barker: so joanne
Barker: what exactly does that mean
King: oh! i know what it means!
Barker: i know you know what it means steve, i want to know if she knows what it means

Rowling: ssee, it'ss very brave of the Iranian people to ssstand up to their tyrannical government
Rowling: and-
King: BRAVERY IS THE DEFINING TRAIT OF A GRYFFINDOR!!!
King: i'm sorry i tried to hold it in

King: i was just too excited
King: i don't get to talk harry potter much these days
King: no one wants to talk potter with me anymore
Barker: yeah i wonder why

Rowling: now meanwhile, in america
Rowling: i would ssay americanss are more like hufflepuffss
George Romero: is it because americans trust in the dead promises of electorialism while eschewing the necessary direct action to cause actual regime change
Rowling: what? no!
Rowling: jesus christ what are you even talking about
Romero: am i the only one around here who reads theory?

Rowling: no, the americanss are hufflepuffs because, actually, their tyrannical government is good and ought to be obeyed
Rowling: also i heard ssome of them have pronounss

Rowling: look, it's easy
Rowling: when western governmentss do oppressssion, that'sss good
Rowling: when sswarthy foreignerss do oppressssion, that's bad

Rowling: now in my mental sschema of the geopolitical world
Rowling: it'ss important to remember that the rissing tide of the global far right iss like dumbledore'ss army
Poe:
King:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft: yeah
Lovecraft: yeah i'm kinda following the logic
Lovecraft: this makes sense!

Rowling: if you map global politicss onto harry potter, it all makes ssensse
Rowling: Donald Trump is bassically like Goderick Gryffindor
Rowling: netenyahu is like professsor mcgonnigal
Rowling: maduro is like butterbeer
Rowling: greenland is like hogssmeade

Rowling: keir sstarmer is like the whomping willow
Rowling: venezuela is hagrid
Rowling: Issrael is sseamuss finnegan
Lovecraft: actually i'm starting to get a little confused
Rowling: China is Cho Chang
Lovecraft: ok never mind, i'm back on the trolley!

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?
Poe: joanne was just comparing the iranian protesters to gryffindors
Shelley:
Shelley:
Shelley: yeah sure whatever you say

Shelley: how about you nerds read another book
King: mary, that's not fair
Shelley: no, it's easy
Shelley: there's loads of other books
Shelley: i wrote some of them
Shelley: hell, YOU wrote some of them, steve