Midnight Pals: Spooky Christmas

Charles Dickens: hey it's Christmas!
Dickens: you know what that means!
Clive Barker: Christmas was last week, man
Dickens: it means
Dickens: what?
Dickens: no no that can't be!

Charles Dickens: [throwing open window] You boy! what day is today?
Victorian moppet: oy, what day is it? why, it's the week after Christmas, sir!
Dickens: the week after Christmas???
Dickens: jesus christ
Dickens: what a fuckin fiasco
Dickens: i bet this is hans Christian Andersen's fault

Dickens: hey guys it's the week after Christmas
Dickens: you know what that means?
Poe:
Barker:
King:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Dickens: it means ghost stories, damnit
Dickens: ghost stories

Dickens: there'll be scary ghost stories
Dickens: and tales of the glory
Dickens: of
Dickens: of
Dickens:
Dickens: uhhhhhh
Dickens: whatever, there's gonna be ghost stories okay?

Dickens: who's got a good Christmas ghost story?
Dean Marney: i got one!
Marney: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the Christmas tree that ate my mother
Marney: don't worry, it's gentle enough for a child
Marney: but fucked up enough that you'll remember it as an adult

Marney: imagine that you're a preteen girl in the 90s
Marney: and you just have the most obnoxious family
Marney: real shitty dismissive parents
Marney: and a fucking twerp of a little brother
Marney: this is the stuff that kids can really relate to

Marney: but then they get this weird Christmas tree
Marney: and it eats her mom!
Dean Koontz: Noooo! No!
Koontz: stop it! i don't like this story!
King: it's okay dean, calm down
King: it's just a story

Koontz: what if a Christmas tree ate MY mom?!
King: i
King: jeez, what if that DID happen?
Poe: you can't go down that road, steve
King: but what if dean's right?
Poe: well, if that happened then
Poe: oh no, now i'm getting scared

Lovecraft: you know guys i'm gonna call my mom right now
Lovecraft: i'm not worried about her or anything but
Lovecraft: but just to make sure she's okay

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?
Barker: everyone's real scared about what if a Christmas tree ate their mom
Shelley: oh my god, you nerds
Shelley: if a Christmas tree ate my mom, i just have sex on top of it with my gay boyfriend

Barker:
Barker: huh
Barker: kinda thought you would-
Shelley: and then i'd stab it
Barker: there it is

Dean Marney: don't worry, cuz then the girl goes into the Christmas tree to save her mom
Marney: because inside the Christmas tree is a weird pocket dimension of cold gray protoplasm
Marney: full of weird gooey things that brush past you in the oozy penumbra
Poe:
Barker:
King:
Koontz:
Lovecraft: oh wait, this is actually cool!

Marney: unfortunately this kid's troubles aren't over
Marney: at thanksgiving, a turkey ate her father
Marney: at easter, a rabbit ate her brother
Marney: this kid just can't catch a break

Clive Barker: wait a second here
Barker: do you just have a vore fetish?
Marney: w-what
Barker: once is a fluke, twice is a coincidence
Barker: but three times?
Barker: that's a fetish