Midnight Pals: Magic Book

Matt Maxwell: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of no tomorrows
Maxwell: it takes place back in the cool dank cyberpunk noir future of 1980s Los Angeles
Maxwell: where veteran punk rocker turned cool chick Macready is being cool

Maxwell: when she's not hanging out at cool scene clubs or posing in cool silhouette on fog-shrouded noir streets
Maxwell: cait works as a book restorer
Maxwell: and now she's working on a very special book
Maxwell: the smoking codex
Mary Shelley: fuck, that sounds cool
Maxwell: doesn't it?

Maxwell: the smoking codex is a ancient grimoire of very cool power
Shelley: fuck, sounds cool
Barker: very cool
Poe: indeed, that's cool
Maxwell: but here's the coolest part
Maxwell: she made it up

Maxwell: that's right
Maxwell: the smoking codex doesn't exist
Maxwell: it's fake
Maxwell: cait just made it all up
Maxwell: you know, kind of as a craft project on her own time

Aleister Crowley: YO IT'S ME
Crowley: THE GREAT BEAST!!!
Crowley: i heard there was a real cool grimoire around here
Crowley: and if there's a cool grimoire, i intend to have it
Anton LaVey: Not if i find it first!
Crowley: ANTON
LaVey: ALEISTER

Crowley: you better stay out of my way, lavey!
Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEASTTT!!!
Crowley: DO AS THOU WILT!!!
Crowley: I'M BIG AND I'M STRONG AND I'M NEVER WRONG!
Victor Neuburg: yeah yeah that's right! You tell 'im, Aleister!
Crowley: SHUT UP NERDBURG

Crowley: where's this smoking codex?
LaVey: No! Tell me!
Eve Harms: did someone say smoking codex?
Grant Morrison: where is it?
Charles Williams: We seek the codex!

Maxwell: I
Maxwell: It's
Maxwell: It's… not real?
Crowley: DON'T GIVE US THAT LINE!
Crowley: WHERE IS IT, NERD!?

Charlie Jane Anders: actually
Anders: you don't need any codex to do magic
Anders: all you need is to set your intention and steady your mind-
Crowley: SHUT UP WE NEED THE CODEX!

Alan Moore: [appearing in a clap of thunder] Behold! The Grand Magus!
Morrison: The grand magus!
Harms: The grand magus!
Williams: The grand magus!
Crowley: The grand magus!
LaVey: The grand magus!

Moore: fools! you seek the smoking codex?
Moore: know ye not that the smoking codex is mere forgery?
Moore: the blustering claptrap of a flapdoodle?
Maxwell: that's what i was trying to say
Moore: SO WHERE IS IT, MAXWELL?
Maxwell: I
Maxwell: but

Moore: KNOW YE NOT THE WAYS OF MAGIC
Moore: JUST BECAUSE IT'S FAKE DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T REAL
Maxwell: what
Maxwell: that doesn't make sense
Moore: oh really? that doesn't make sense?
Moore: lol
Moore: this motherfucker probably doesn't even get glycon

Crowley: ha ha doesn't get glycon
Williams: ha ha
Harms: what a maroon lol
Maxwell: what? what are you talking about?
Moore: if you know, you know

Matt Maxwell: okay look i'll tell you where it is
Moore: YES! YES! TELL US!
Maxwell: the smoking codex
Maxwell: is hidden under a big W

[later]
Crowley: [in a sinking car] WHY YOU LITTLE RAT FINK
Crowley: YOU TOLD ME THIS STREAM WAS SHALLOW!
Crowley: THIS IS NO PLACE FOR A CONVERTIBLE!