Midnight Pals: Stupid Sexy Frankenstein

Guillermo del Toro: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of frankenstein
del Toro: but
del Toro: this frankenstein is a little different
Bram Stoker: yes we know, guillermo, this frankenstein is hot
del Toro:
del Toro: oh
del Toro: i've mentioned this before?

Stoker: i'm so tired of all these hot, hot frankensteins
Stoker: first kenneth branagh, now this
Stoker: it's like, god, everyone's gotta do their stupid sexy frankenstein
Stoker: it's just dumb
Stoker: who wants to look at a hot guy anyway
Mary Shelley: jesus fucking christ shut up bram

Shelley: FINALLY, someone understands my vision!
King: and what's your vision, mary?
Shelley: that frankenstein is super fuckable
King: the doctor or the monster?
Shelley: why not both?
del Toro: yeah, why not both?

del Toro: ok so the thing about dr frankenstein is that he's super hot
Shelley: yeah yeah that's good
del Toro: so is the monster
Shelley: hell yeah
Barker: what about igor?
Shelley: YOU FUCKING SHUT UP CLIVE
Barker: ha ha ha
Shelley: I'M DONE WITH YOUR IGOR SHIT

del Toro: well, we could put a sexy igor in it
Shelley: we're not doing any fucking igor shit
Shelley: he's not in the fucking book
del Toro: ah but neither is this fucked up angel
Shelley: are you putting in a fucked up angel
del Toro: i love a fucked up angel
Shelley: yeah i'll allow this

del Toro: the thing is frankenstein had a hard childhood
del Toro: he doesn't have a nice dad like ian holm
del Toro: he has a stern disapproving dad like... like...
Shelley: like charles dance?
del Toro: yes!
del Toro: its gotta be charles dance

del Toro: see the thing about frankenstein is
del Toro: he got his name
del Toro: from his father
King:
Poe:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Barker:
Barker: yeah that's how it usually works
Shelley: don't interrupt the man
Shelley: I WILL stab you

del Toro: and here's the thing about this sexy dr frankenstein
del Toro: he sucks
del Toro: he's no blorbo
Shelley: what
del Toro: now the monster
del Toro: he's my blorbo
Shelley: what? no!
Shelley: that's not it at all!

del Toro: see, dr frankenstein is actually just recreating the cycle of abuse from his own distant father
Shelley: what?? fuckin hell
Shelley: that's not right!
Shelley: he's a sexy bad boy!
Shelley: he's based on my gay asshole boyfriend byron
Lord Byron [tossing hair]: that's right, he is

del Toro: don't worry del Toro: i'm going to acknowledge byron with a big quote at the end Shelley:
Shelley: why
del Toro: because, you know
del Toro: he's
del Toro: um
del Toro: i mean it kinda fits?
Shelley:
Shelley: put my fuckin quote at the end
Shelley: i wrote the fucking thing!

del Toro: at the end, the monster is all "dr frankenstein, i forgive you for the cycle of abuse"
del Toro: and dr frankenstein is all "i feel validated by that"
del Toro: and the monster is all "i feel seen by your validation"
del Toro: "together, let us live and laugh and love... as a family!"