Midnight Pals: Elon's Crash Out

King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the
Elon Musk [rising out of bushes]: eyyyy stephano king Musk: itsa me, elon!
Barker: hey it's your pal
King: he's not my pal!!
Barker: look everyone it's steve's pal
Poe: that's enough clive
Poe: you're going too far

King: elon why are you here? shouldn't you be back at tesla?
King: you know, running things?
King: earning that trillion dollar bonus?
Musk: eyyy i can't go back to tesla
Musk: itsa bad scene
King: why? what's wrong?
Musk: i thinka joyce carol oates is inna da vents

Musk: joyce carol oates, mama mia, she say i gotta no culture! i no reada da books!
Musk: whatsamattaforyou, i show her!
Musk: i reada alla you books!
King: all of our books?
Musk: si!
King: that's a lot of books
Musk: stephano king, you forget
Musk: i da smartest man in da world
King:

Musk: eyyyy welcome to elon musk book review
Musk: where da number one alpha read all da alpha books
Musk: [holding up copy of Illiad] dis da oddysey
King:
Koontz:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Poe:

Musk: here my reviews
Musk: i reada da Stand
Musk: it about a real maker who do genetic engineering anna make a real alpha virus
Musk: i miss what happen after that, but ima pretty sure it alla good

Musk: i reada da Watchers
Musk: it about a government experiment to maka a evil monkey
Musk: it giva me great idea for da next neurolink project
Koontz: No elon! you weren't supposed to be inspired to make an evil monkey!
Koontz: you were supposed to be inspired to make a smart dog!

Musk: i reada da dracula
Musk: i lika how da alpha dracula drinka da blood of da betas to stay young
Musk: dat giva me ideas
Peter Thiel: way ahead of you, elon

Musk: i reada da frankenstein
Mary Shelley: motherfucker
Shelley: you better not get this one wrong
Shelley: i literally could not spell it out any more obviously
Musk: itsa about how meddling in da domain ova god is good!
Shelley: MOTHER
Shelley: FUCKER

Musk: anyway dissa prove dat i read books
Musk: now i off to prove dat i have many othera interests
Musk: anna i not talking about racism
Musk: although i do find it very interesting

Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyy itsa me elon
King: criminy Musk: you know, joyce carol oates, she says i no read
Musk: but thata not true
Musk: as evidenced by dissa new ad campaign i just start onna twitter to convince everyone that i read

Musk: you wanta know the 9 books datta i, elon musk, thinka everyone should read?
King: elon, i really don't care
Barker: hold on there, steve
Barker: i'll bite
Barker: tell us, elon, what ARE the nine books that everyone should read

Elon Musk: da nine books that everyone should read are
9) Brainology: The Secret Science of Ensmartification
8) Numbers: What Numerals Get Wrong about Integers
7) Future Time Now: How Silicon Valley Makes Yesterday's Present into Tomorrow's Past

6) Dividentify Your Life: How Wall Street Invested Big in Money and You Can Too
5) The Tao of Wow: How the New Science of Thinkology Can Put Enlightenment in Your Pocket
4) The Visigothic CEO: What Alaric I Can Teach Us about Business

3) Become a Financial "Bat Man": Making the Leap from the Weary Gelding of Public Service to the Rampant Stallion of Private Enterprise using the Proven Entreprenurial Strategies of the Dark Knight
2) Rich Dad, Richer Dad
1) Pro-Racist Baby: How to Raise a Pro-Racist Baby

Musk: so what you think now? i'ma pretty smart, eh?
King:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Poe:
Mary Shelley: finish him, joyce
Musk: now waita you a minute
Joyce Carol Oates: [unsheathing katana]

Musk: joyce carol oates? she a very meana lady!
Musk: she usa too many semicolons!
Mortal Kombat Announcer: FINISH HIM
Oates: i hear you have a cool daughter
Oates: a normal dad would be very proud
Mortal Kombat Announcer: FATALITY