Midnight Pals: Slewfoot

Brom: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of slewfoot
Brom: it's about this puritan woman who befriends a devil named samson
Barker: why's it called slewfoot, then?
Brom: because
Brom:
Brom: because fuck you, that's why

Brom: so there's this puritan village
Brom: and let me tell you
Brom: puritans FUCKING SUCKKKK
Brom: they're such a bunch of buzz kills
Brom: all they want to do is pray and be austere
Brom: and neg each other

Brom: now this woman isn't like other puritans
Brom: because, in fact
Brom: it turns out that secretly she is a strong independent woman who is also intelligent
Angela Carter: finally!
Brom: so the other puritans hate her
Carter: god forbid women do anything

Brom: so this puritan woman, she looks like
Brom: well, she kinda looks like uhhh
Brom: you know what? i'm just gonna draw you a picture
King: whoa, you can draw?
Brom:
Brom: yeah i can draw

Brom: [drawing picture] ok so she kinda looks like this
King: wow, brom! you're quite the artist!
King: you ever think of going professional?
Brom:
Brom: i am an artist
King: yeah but i mean doing it for real
Brom:
Brom: i do
Brom: it's kind of my whole thing, what the hell are you talking about

King: guys look at this drawing that Brom did
King: pretty good, don't you think?
Poe: yeah that's good!
King: i was telling him that he should think about doing it professional
Brom: what the hell
Brom: is this a bit?
Brom: are you doing a bit?

King: you know what i like about this art?
King: i like its darker ambience
Poe: yeah me too, i like the dark
Lovecraft: the dark is good
King: but i do have one critique
King: this picture of the puritan woman?
Brom: abitha?
King: oh yeah abitha
Poe: classic puritan name
Lovecraft: very puritan

King: this picture of abitha makes her look like crabby
Brom: yeah well she has a hard life
Brom: all the puritans are always negging her
King: yeah yeah i understand that
King: but maybe you could draw her smiling more?
Brom:
King: i mean, nobody like a grump, you know what I mean?
Brom:

King: i'm just saying, she'd be cute if she smiled more
Poe: hmm stephen does have a point
Lovecraft: yeah, why doesn't she smile?
Koontz: she does look kinda mean
King: see? even dean thinks so
Brom:
King: all the monsters you drew are pretty boss tho
Lovecraft: oh yeah, love the monsters!

Brom: so abitha gets accused of being a witch
King: oh haha so you might say
King: you might say she has haha
King: haha haha
King: haha give me a second
King: this is gonna be a funny one you guys haha
Barker: oh this joke is going to be terrible
Barker: i can tell

King: you might say haha
King: that she has resting WITCH face
Brom: King: see because it rhymes with
Brom: she's getting tortured into confession, steve
King: oh
Brom: yeah not so funny now is it steve
King: no i guess not
King: never mind, sorry
Barker: ha! now THAT'S funny!