Midnight Pals: Unfriended

JK Rowling: i was jusst thinking, maybe we should ssecretly photograph women in public bathroomss
Rowling: you know, in casse they're transss
Stephen Fry: so um
Fry: i don't think we should be friends anymore
Rowling: omg that came out of nowhere

Rowling: you can't do unfriend me over my legally protected gender critical beliefss!
Rowling: that'ss literally illegal!
Rowling: you'll hear from my lawyer!
Allison Bailey: [feeding spaghetti to dog] haha look at him go, he loves his spaghetti

Rowling: i cannot believe that Ssstephen Fry doesssn't want to be my friend anymore
Rowling: there wass no warning!
Rowling: it wass like rapid onsset defriending ssyndrome

Rowling: sstephen fry can't jusst not be my friend, right?
Kathleen Stock: a just question, dark lord
Rowling: only i'm allowed to end friendshipsss!
Rowling: he's taking away my agency!

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i want you all to know i've never been friendss with sstephen fry
Kathleen Stock: i thought he narrated your books?
Rowling: WE'VE NEVER BEEN FRIENDSSS
Rowling: alssso we've alwayss been at war with eurassia

Rowling: i think it'ss time we took our fight againsst transs rightss to the next level
Kathleen Stock: but dark lord i thought we won
Rowling: the fight againsst transs rightss can never truly be won, only essscalated

Rowling: itss time that we sstarted photographing women in public resstroomsss
Rowling: itss important becausse
Kathleen Stock: right away, dark lord!
Helen Lewis: at once, dark lord!
Jesse Singal: we'll start today, dark lord!
Rowling: oh wow truth be told i wass expecting more pushback but hey thiss iss great

Rowling: finally, once we've completely normalized creepsshots, women will finally be ssafe
Rowling: to sstop the bathroom pervertss, we musst become bathroom pervertss

Rowling: it sssure is a good thing that UK cellphones don't have a legally mandated shutter sssnap anti-creepshot sssound like in Japan
Rowling: sssure hope no one ever changess that

Rowling: [rising over the stall divider] excusse me i sssaw you acrossss the bar and couldn't help but notice your sssussspiciousssly narrow pelvisssss