Midnight Pals: The Passion of Jesse

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: what newsss, wormtongue?
Rowling: how goes the infiltration of bluesssky?
Jesse Singal: mommy mommy
Singal: it was SO HARD
Singal: the trans were SO MEAN
Singal: they all blocked me!
Singal: i was almost ignored to death!

Rowling: you poor child
Singal: but i did it mommy
Singal: every single person on the site told them to ban me
Singal: but i'm way more important than any of them!
Singal: so i can stay!
Rowling: excellent!
Rowling: door'sss open, boysss!

Singal: mommy i fought so hard for you
Rowling: i know you did, jesssse
Singal: i did it all for you mommy
Rowling: yess you did great jessse
Singal: i asked all those questions just for you mommy
Rowling: yeah thats great
Singal: i had all those reasonable concerns just for you mommy

Singal: mommy mommy the trans were so mean, they said mean things about me on the internet
Singal: i don't know how they could do that!
Singal: they just don't understand how much it hurts to have people say mean things about you on the internet!
Singal: they just can't relate!

Singal: it hurts when people say mean things about me on the internet!
Singal: the trans don't understand
Singal: they have their hard reptilian hides to protect them
Singal: but i'm not a monster like them, i'm a person!
Singal: i have feelings!

Singal: mommy they were so mean
Singal: my feelings are so hurt
Singal: kiss it and make it better mommy
Helen Joyce: do we
Joyce: do we really need to keep this guy around?
Rowling: patience, ssssisster, we must bide our time
Joyce: you don't have ANYONE else who could do this?
Singal: mommy mommy

Joyce: i mean, we don't have anyone else who could launder transphobia into respectable liberal discourse?
Joyce: anyone at all
Rowling: well i really thought tatsuya ishida was going to be ready for prime time by now
Rowling: but we missed that window
Rowling: now he's overripe

Rowling: oh helen you don't understand
Rowling: sure, jessse might look like a sniveling worm, a nasty crawling slithering little shit, a spineless craven buffoon
Rowling: but damn if he isn't the best reasonable concern haver in the business

Singal: mommy mommy they were so mean to me
Singal: i was unfairly judged, just like a child molester is unfairly judged!
Rowling:
Rowling:
Rowling:
Rowling: