Midnight Pals: D&D

Elon Musk: mama mia
Musk: life, itsa seems so empty
Musk: [touching a framed portrait of Stephen King] since my-a best frienda moved away

Musk: i'm-a so depressed
Musk: grok, what shoulda i do
Grok: [slur]
Musk: mama mia, you are righta,grok!
Musk: i SHOULD buy Hasbro to secure the rights to dungeons anna dragons!

Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the-
Elon Musk [rising out of bushes] eyyyy Stephano king
King: elon? are we still doing this?!
King: i'm gone from twitter now!
King: i'm finally...
King: clean

Musk: maybe you heard i tweeted ima gonna buy hasbro
Barker: christ why would we hear that
Musk: eyyy i tweeta it, itsa news!
MusK: datsa how da lasangna is made, paisano!

August Derleth: okay welcome to another call of Cthulhu game
Derleth: what are your characters this time?
Victor LaValle: i'm sweet sweetbreads, the harlem hustler
Brian Keene: i'm dr. batcountry, the gonzo journalist
Nick Mamatas: i'm groovio daddy, the freaky deaky beatnik
Elon Musk: ima da elf paladin!

Derleth: excuse me? i don't think you're part of this group
Musk: eyyy i buy Hasbro, so now ima member of EVERY D&D group!
Derleth: this isn't D&D! it's call of Cthulhu!
Derleth: its owned by chaosium!
Musk:
Musk: not for longa!

Musk: i owna all ropleplaying games now, as a concept
Musk: data mean, you hafta let me play!
Derleth: ok ok fine
Derleth: what's your character?
Musk: ima da elfin paladin
Derleth: this isn't that kind of game!
Musk: mama mia you betta MAKE It datta kind of game or i breaka you face, pedodungeonmaster!

Derleth: guys, look i think we're gonna have to make some changes in the game to accommodate elon
Derleth: i know this is unpopular but if we don't he's going to be crying all night
Derleth: he is very rich, after all
Keene: oh yeah very rich
LaValle: very rich
Mamatas: the richest
Mamatas: like literally, i read he was

Derleth: ok so Cthulhu appears, role for sanity check
Elon Musk: da elf paladin, he stabba da Cthulhu with a sword!
Derleth: you can't do that!!
Derleth: you need at least a boat to stab Cthulhu!
Brian Lumley: no wait i like the cut of this elon's gib
Musk: oooo disruptiano!

Musk: i stabba da Cthulhu
Derleth: ok roll to see if you can kill an elder god by stabbing
Musk: eyyy i don't need to roll no dice
Musk: i buya da game, so i maka da rules
Musk: it works, i win, Cthulhu i killa him
Musk: also my character name? issa X.