Midnight Pals: Bury Your Gays

Chuck Tingle: hello chums it's me chuck tingle, totally normal guy
Tingle: tonight i have a totally normal story for you
King: oh boy! a real tingler! i can't wait!
King: i bet it's real whacky and off the wall!
Tingle: haha not at all chum
Tingle: it's actually quite normal and restrained

Tingle: this isn't so much a tingler
Tingle: as a SPINE tingler
King: Oh! there it is!
King: that signature chuck tingle wit we all know and love!

King: you know, chuck, i used to be considered quite the comedian back in my day
King: have you ever heard of a little thing called the rock bottom remainders?
Tingle: i thought that was a band
King:
King: well it is
King: but dave barry's in it

Tingle: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the gays that got buried
Tingle: it's the story of a successful gay Hollywood guy
Tingle: when the studio demands that he bury his gays, he's faced with a moral dilemma
Tingle: will he sell out and bury his gays?
Tingle: or will he keep true to his gay vision?

Tingle: as this gay Hollywood guy struggles with his dilemma, he's haunted by the ghosts of his own screen creations
Tingle: fear bubbles up from his brain just as a scream bubbles up from his chest

Tingle: we've all had a good time being scared
Tingle: but there's nothing scary about... good queer representation
Tingle: perhaps, chums, horror could be made to be more gay
Hailey Piper: i have a question
Piper: how MUCH more gay?
Piper: cuz i have a suggestion for exactly how much more gay it could be

Piper: could it be possibly gay as f
Piper: THE THRILL OF THE HUNT THE SMELL OF THE SHUNT
Cynthia Pelayo: GODDAMNIT!!
Pelayo: EVERY TIME!!!

Tingle: now i hope that we all learned a little something from
Grady Hendrix: [pulling up on a skateboard, boombox playing 'School's Out' by Alice Cooper]
Hendrix: [pushing sunglasses down nose] did someone say LEARN???
Hendrix: school's for fools!
Hendrix: the pool rules!

Hendrix: [flipping skateboard] look at you squares, LEARNING LESSONS from satirical horror!
Hendrix: horror satire should be about FUN!
Hendrix: check out MY story!
Hendrix: The Support Group for People Who Walk Down a Spooky Alleyway and Hear a Scary Noise but it Turns Out it Was a Cat

Hendrix: it's a send-up of the horror trope where someone walks down a spooky alleyway and hears a scary noise but it turns out it was a cat
Barker: you don't say
Poe: clive

Tingle: now see here chum we don't need your irreverent attitude to have a good time!
Hendrix: YOU GOTTA FIGHT
Hendrix: FOR YOUR RIGHT
Hendrix: TO PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTY!

Tingle: hello chums i have a new tingler for you all
Tingle: pounded in the butt by grady hendrix' flippant attitude
King: oh good! i love a laugh!
Tingle: this isn't comedy, it's sincere erotica
King:
Barker: not gonna lie, this sounds p hot