Midnight Pals: Muppet LOTR

[at unicorn fuck club]
Jim Henson: hi ho jim the Henson here
Henson: tonight I've got a fantasy story i think you'll really enjoy
Henson: it's about a planet inhabited entirely by puppets
Henson: [flailing arms wildly] yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

Henson: on a distant planet, the dark crystal cracks
Henson: causing the urskeks to transmogrify into the skeksis and the mystics
Henson: only at the great conjunction can the gelfling jen heal the crystal and unite the
JRR Tolkien: hey tell the story with David bowie
GRR Martin: yeah we want David bowie

Henson: but guys the dark crystal is a serious fantasy experiment
Henson: creating an entire world only through the magic of puppetry and
Tolkien: [sitting in an opera box with GRR Martin] Boo! We want David bowie!
Martin: And Jennifer Connelly!

Tolkien: what's your next number? something terrible, i'm sure!
Martin: oh ho ho ho!
Henson: i was thinking we would do muppet lord of the rings
Henson: Robin could be Frodo, fozzie could be sam
Tolkien: what??? no! no way!
Tolkien: he's a rod puppet!
Tolkien: how are people going to see their big hairy stinky feet?!
Tolkien: you need full body puppets for this role!
Henson: well i guess we could use sweetums
Henson: or maybe big bird
Tolkien: fine! just put some fuzz on those feet!

Henson: and Clifford would be Gandalf
Henson: Kermit as Aragorn
Henson: Sam as Elrond
Henson: gonzo as tom Bombadil
Henson: who would also narrate, of course
Tolkien: oh of course

Henson: and that means Camille would be goldberry
Tolkien: what? the most powerful being in all of middle earth played by a chicken??
Tolkien: no wait this kind of works

Henson: Miss Piggy as Arwen
Tolkien: that's all well and good but LOTR has TWO girls in it
Tolkien: who would play Galadriel?
Henson: well we actually do have two girl muppets
Henson: so i guess it would have to be Janice
Tolkien: oh ok i guess this works out pretty well then

Tolkien: this muppet LOTR idea is wonderful!
Martin: terrific!
Tolkien: well, it's pretty good!
Martin: yeah it isn't bad
Tolkien: actually there are some bad parts
Martin: lots of bad parts
Tolkien: it stinks!
Martin: terrible!
Tolkien: boo!