Midnight Pals: That Fool Olson

Robert E Howard: howdy pardnas, it's me Robert "2 Gun Bob" Howard
Lovecraft: 2 gun bob!
King: 2 Gun Bob!
Koontz: it's 2 Gun bob!
Poe: 2 gun bob!
Barker: how many guns was that? i forgot
Poe: it's 2 guns, clive
Poe: you know it's 2 guns
Poe: don't be an instigator

Howard: Gather round, hombres! i got a rootin' tootin' tale of two-fisted thrills!
Howard: it'll really put the yippee in your yippee ki yay!
Howard: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this
Howard: the tale of what if there was a vampire
Howard: IN TEXAS!

King: omg are you saying that this vampire
Howard: that's right, pardna
Howard: this vampire is about to MESS WITH TEXAS!

Howard: lookee here, some ornery varmint didn't like my Texas vampire story!
Howard: so i'm calling you out, GP Olson
Howard: of Sheldon, Iowa!
Howard: y'all ever cross my path and there'll be a new grave up on boot hill!

Lovecraft: [sweats] GP Olson of Sheldon, Iowa?!
Howard: that's the varmint
Lovecraft: not GP Olson of Sheldon, Iowa!
Lovecraft: the very name gives me the vapors!
Lovecraft: oh god oh god i think i'm going to faint
King: why? what's with this guy?
Lovecraft: he's SO annoying

King: who's this you're talking about?
Lovecraft: he's just this really annoying fanboy who won't leave me alone
Lovecraft: but what would you expect from a degenerate swede?
Lovecraft: they're barely even white!

August Derleth: oh boy GP Olson of Sheldon, Iowa? isn't he the worst, howard?
Derleth: he's so annoying the way he never leaves you alone!
Derleth: and keeps trying to insinuate that you're pals
Lovecraft:
Derleth: not like us, we're pals, right, howard?
Lovecraft: [sweats]

Lovecraft: ugh now this GP Olson's written me ANOTHER letter about how vampires work!
Lovecraft: he's always sending me letters trying to explain how vampires work!
Lovecraft: i'm not some rube who just fell off the turnip truck!
Lovecraft: i know how vampires work!

Barker: how do vampires work howard
Lovecraft: i-i
Lovecraft: i don't have time for this!
Lovecraft: google is free!
Bram Stoker: i can explain how vampires work
Lovecraft: don't you start now too!

Lovecraft: listen to this nonsense!
Lovecraft: "and another thing, stop bad-mouthing vampires in your stories! Vampires are SAINTS."
Lovecraft: he's accusing me of being prejudiced against vampires?!?
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: it's true that they run the banks, tho

Lovecraft: i am not prejudiced against vampires!
Lovecraft: i dated one!
Lovecraft: right Sonia?
Sonia Greene: this is why we broke up

Howard: stand back pardna, i'll put a stop to this!
Howard: [shooting letter with his 6 shooter]
Barker: yeah this is about as effective as when mary stabs a Polidori letter
Mary Shelley: that's very fuckin effective, actually
Barker: how so?
Shelley: makes me feel good

Poe: let me see that letter, howard
Poe: [reading letter] "every day actually contains 4 simultaneously occurring days"
Poe: wait a second i recognize this handwriting
Poe: clive, did you write this?
Barker: haha did you see how mad howard got

Poe: that's really not cool, clive
Poe: as a writer, you should be more sympathetic
Poe: have you never gotten really annoying fan letters?
Barker: it's still funny
Mary Shelley: it's real fuckin funny