Midnight Pals: Fat People

James H Longmore: after yesterday's incident, I'd like to offer a full and complete apology to the humorless scolds of the woke mob
Franz Kafka:
Kafka: well, good
Kafka: see that it doesn't happen again!

Longmore: look, this story about joe's unwanted penis is just a light-hearted comedic jaunt!
Kafka: booo!
Longmore: [wiping sweat from brow] jeez tough crowd
Longmore: better switch gears
Longmore: hey how about a story about gross fatties?

Longmore: i have another story too
Longmore: it's a terrifying descent into the depraved world of feederism
Longmore: cuz there's nothing scarier
Longmore: than a fat person
Longmore: steve knows what i'm talking about
Stephen King: he's right!

Poe: wow, these stories are kinda problematic!
Poe: you're really kinda othering to trans and fat people
Longmore: well, i am originally English
Poe: oh yeah ok, that scans

Longmore: there's this guy called... the feeder
Longmore: and they call him that because he
Longmore: get ready for it
Longmore: feeds people
King: oh shit! oh wow! that is terrifying!
King: i thought i was prepared but i was not prepared

King: i think
King: i think i need to sit down for a minute
Poe: are you going to be ok, steve?
King: yeah, i'm
King: yeah
King: i just need a minute
King: phew
King: my heart is racing

Barker: how is this possible?
Barker: Stephen king - master of the macabre! - scared of fat people!
King: look, it's not that strange
King: a lot of people are scared of fat people
Barker:
Barker: no i don't think that's true
Barker: think this is a you thing, steve

King: well, think about it
King: if you see a clown walking around outside of a circus, that would be pretty scary right?
Barker: ok right
King: now imagine if you saw a fat person walking around on the street, like it was normal or something-

King: it's just not healthy, you see
King: that's why scientists invented the weight loss pill that makes you shit yourself to death from Meg Elison's story "Please Don't Invent the Weight Loss Pill that Makes You Shit Yourself to Death"
Meg Elison:
Elison: I am going to murder you

Longmore: so the feeder has a whole facility full of women that he feeds
Longmore: until they gain weight
Longmore: they're called gainers
Longmore: stop me if i'm going too fast for you

Longmore: ok so imagine a fat woman
Longmore: just the fattest woman ever
Longmore: just so huge beyond belief, absolutely gargantuan
Longmore: like the size of the entire planet
Longmore: like 464 pounds
King: holy shit guys this is the scariest story I've ever heard!
King: i am legit shaking!

Longmore: so this guy is feeding a fat woman a stack of pizzas
Longmore: and the pizzas are all
Longmore: [falsetto voice] heeeey you should eat us! we're delicious!
Longmore: [falsetto] we're pizza! look at us! we want to be eaten!
Longmore: [falsetto] we're gonna be so sad if you don't eat us
Dean Koontz: oh no i hope the pizza gets eaten!

Joe Koch: this sucks
Koch: the pizza should speak in an Italian accent
Barker: yes
Poe: no don't say that joe!!
Lovecraft: oh jesus
Lovecraft: oh god
Lovecraft: [sweats] oh jesus

Koch: the disc of cracked dough, crimson gore as red as god's menstrual flow, hissing fleshy tentacles of mozzarella, pale as the broken spirals of the universe, splayed open in a tattered furl of the anal fistulas of sundried tomatoes
Poe: oh max you should like this, you like pizza
Max Booth III: why does everyone keep saying that