Midnight Pals: The Surgery

James H Longmore: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of joe's unwanted penis
Longmore: it's a darkly humorous parody of the bruce jenner story
Poe: you mean caitlyn jenner?
Longmore:
Longmore: what?
Barker: oh yeah this really bodes well

Barker: she changed her name, she's Caitlyn now
Longmore: really?
Barker: you didn't know?
Barker: i mean she's in the news all the time for sucking
Poe: clive
Barker: what? she's not here
Barker: i can say it
Barker: just absolutely sucking

Longmore: my story is told from the point of view of the penis
Longmore: the unwanted penis is mad because its been rejected like it was an ikea lamp
Longmore: so making a lot of comments about Joe and his ruined, mutilated, gross, Frankenstein body
Franz Kafka:

Franz Kafka: wow, so her own disembodied dick is misgendering her?
Kafka: WOW
Kafka: that is VERY
Kafka: problematic
Longmore: well, in the dick's defense, the dick was really mad at Joe!
Kafka: and now its DEAD NAMING her!!!

Longmore: anyway Joe gets a vaginaplasty instead of hrt
Kafka: "INSTEAD of?"
Longmore: yeah
Kafka:
Kafka:
Kafka: "INSTEAD OF???"

Longmore: anyway Joe has a vaginaplasty, during which they remove Joe's dick, balls, and prostate
Kafka: THEY DON'T TAKE YOUR PROSTATE OUT DURING A VAGINAPLASTY!!
Longmore:
Longmore: are you sure about that?
Kafka: YES!
Kaka: I'VE DONE A SUSPICIOUS AMOUNT OF READING ABOUT THIS!

Barker: wow, franz, you know so much about trans issues
Kafka: huh? oh yeah, i guess
Kafka: i mean, it's just this thing I've kinda been into lately
Kafka: i mean, trans rights are human rights, right?

Kafka: just seems self-evident
Barker: oh yeah? you do? any reason why?
Barker: for this recent interest hmmm?
Poe: clive, leave her alone
Poe: i mean leave him alone
Poe: jesus christ you have me doing it now

Poe: clive stop harassing franz
Poe: clive you know you don't have to be trans to care about trans rights
Barker: ah ha oh edgar don't be so naive
Poe: yeah you're probably right

Longmore: so the poor penis has been rejected
JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh great look who it is
Poe: look who you brought here
Poe: this is just great
Poe: great

Rowling: ssso i hear the penissss iss ssad?
Rowling: sso i hear that a transss perssson issss ressponsssible for thisss?
Rowling: just more proof of their natural masssculine criminality
Poe: this is stupid
Barker: ah ha ha edgar
Poe: no
Poe: you're right this is stupid

Longmore: so the penis goes on a merry madcap chase to reunite with his former owner
Longmore: who has since regretted transition
Rowling: yess!! ha ha... YESSS!!

Rowling: there'sss ssssurgical regret too???
Rowling: a transss persssson feeling BAD???
Rowling: thisss ssstory hasss it all!
Rowling: the ressst of you should ssstart telling ssstoriesss like thisss
Rowling: way better than the usssual ssstuff you guysss tell!