Midnight Pals: Usher

Mike Flanagan: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, i call this the tale of Edgar Allan Poe's Greatest Hits…Updated for the New Millennium!
Flanagan: what if roderick usher was a pharmaceutical bro?
Flanagan: what if Hopfrog had a fidget spinner?
Flanagan: what if the rue morgue orangutan vaped?

Poe: oh i don't know about this
Poe: i've been burned on this sort of thing before
Flanagan: no it'll be great
Flanagan: roderick usher's gonna talk just like the big lebowsky cowboy, it'll be great

Flanagan: see, we take everyone's favorite bits from your stories
Flanagan: but then
Flanagan: we give them a nutty little twist
Flanagan: to appeal to today's modern a-go-go kids

Flanagan: see, my fall of the house of usher is about this pharmaceutical dynasty crumbling
King: i thought the story was about the actual house falling down
Flanagan: haha of course not nothing so literal
Poe: actually it is about a house falling down
Flanagan:

Flanagan: haha no for real
Poe: no i mean it. the house falls down
Flanagan:
Flanagan: wait, like, literally?
Poe: yeah
Flanagan:
Flanagan: ok then

Flanagan: ok so Roderick and Madeleine Usher have a bunch of kids
Flanagan: Prospero, Tamerline, Victorine, Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith
Flanagan: and Adolphus Montressor Nu-Nu Metzengerstein Valdemar

Flanagan: which by the way are all references to poe stories
Flanagan: you might not have picked up on that, it's kinda subtle
Poe: oh hey this is pretty good
Poe: i'm kinda digging this

Flanagan: now the ushers run Fortunato Pharmaceuticals
Poe: oh! i get it!
Poe: this is great
Poe: [nudging barker] like the cask of amontillado
Poe: see, fortunato is a character-
Barker: oh my god edgar I KNOW

Flanagan: so prospero is going to have this big rave
Flanagan: you might even call it
Flanagan: the rave of the red death!
Poe: oh!
Poe: oh! oh! oh!
Poe: [nudging Barker] like the masque of the red death
Barker:
Poe: [nudging harder] you know, the masque of the-
Barker: I KNOW

Flanagan: but Roderick Usher Enterprises
Flanagan: or RUE
Poe:
Flanagan: where they do experiments on apes
Poe: oh!
Flanagan: yeah you know where i'm going
Poe: [nudging Barker] like
Barker: CHRIST, SHUT UP

Flanagan: but before the usher twins can take over Fortunato pharmaceuticals
Flanagan: the CEO Rufus Griswold stands in their way
Poe: boo! boo! i hate that guy!
Poe: i don't know why i just instinctively hate this character
Poe: i hope he gets his!