Midnight Pals: Not Mad

Matt Shaw: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the saucy gallimaufry
Shaw: or as you americans might call it
Shaw: the wet vagina
Shaw: you think that sounds good huh?
Shaw: well just wait til you see the dedication

Shaw: i'd like to dedicate this book to the youtube critic who gave me a one star review
Shaw: by the way i am not mad
Shaw: don't put it in the newspaper that i'm mad

Shaw: so apparently this youtube critic says i'm not supposed to write stories from a womans perspective
Shaw: oh you think you can stop me, all powerful youtube critic?
Shaw: I DO WHAT I WANT!

Shaw: I'm so not mad at that trout
Shaw: which is apparently an insult we use here in Britain
Poe: oh no he's posting through it
Barker: posting through it?
Barker: he's writing a whole book through it
Shaw: AND ANOTHER THING
Shaw: i'm not even mad
Shaw: in fact i'm laughing

Shaw: so the all-powerful youtube critic is trying to silence me but as a fearless truth teller i cannot be silenced
Shaw: i cannot ever be silenced
Shaw: even when it might be in my best interest to shut up
Shaw: i refuse to yield!
Shaw: here i stand, i can do no other!

Shaw: so anyway i wrote a book that that youtube critic is definitely not gonna read
Barker: oh look she posted a comment about how she's not gonna read it
Shaw:
Poe: clive don't tell him that
Barker: why not? he said it himself
Poe: you know what you're doing clive

Shaw: she says she's not going to read the book?!
Shaw: that's fine
Shaw: that's totally fine
Shaw: I am not mad
Shaw: guess she's too scared to come on my podcast
Barker: oh you have a podcast? that's unexpected
Poe: clive

Shaw: women say men shouldn't write sex scenes
Shaw: but actually i'm pretty good at it
Shaw: how do i know?
Shaw: women send me pictures of themselves masturbating to my sex scenes
Shaw: like all the time

Shaw: here's a photo of me posing with some of the pictures that women send me of themselves masturbating
Shaw: the pictures of women masturbating are right outside of frame