How I do a filming

I thought it would be nice if I talked about my walk videos a bit, seeings as that’s most likely what you know me for. Now I think about it, it’s sort of funny that I make little mental health video rambles and post them for all to see and then have a patreon which is pretty much just unrelated NSFW art and animations. How many of you were surprised to find freaky weird stuff like that here? I probably would be.  

I guess the reason I haven’t brought them up or written about them much is because I don’t really think the process is that interesting; however that is ignoring the fact that I am not everyone else and there is a possibility that it could be interesting to someone else. Why, it would be downright arrogant of me to assume that I’m the authority on what’s interesting or not, I literally think that EVERYTHING is interesting except for all the things that I do because it’s a universal rule that I will never do anything of any consequence to anyone, or so I seemingly believe. That’s probably not very healthy so I will tell you about my video making process; but you all have to promise not to tell me if you find it interesting because I don’t like my world view being challenged, Okay? Great :3

So, other than the odd occasion where I go out with a sort of script written, which I only do if I had an idea for a bit beforehand, generally I’ll just wander around in the graveyard or a street or the woods and just hope my brain stumbles upon a thought, then I’ll evaluate the thought for wittiness and cleverness and if it passes I will convert the thunk words into mouth words on camera. Sometimes the thought will be inspired by something I’ve seen like a stick or a bug or something which is really nice because then I can film the thought inspiring thing and not my horrible face while I produce the mouth words. Often I will say the words many, many times like a person with different mental illnesses than the ones I have; thats because I am unable to trust I said the words correctly or recorded myself correctly or didn’t screw up in some other way that only a complete imbecile could manage. It’s not perfectionism, it’s low self esteem :3 

Once I’ve satiated the “another take” demon, I can move on and repeat that process for as many thoughts I can think before I feel like I’m going to die from outdoors exposure. I’ll grab a few little silly routine clips too: point at a bird, capture some nice scenery, film my feet, say “Anyway bye” as they’re good for spacing out the thoughts during editing and then I am done with the scary part that is filming and can move on to feeling dread about having to somehow edit the vast collection of random clips I have into a coherent video. 

It’s not quite as easy as that though, there are obstacles. Loud noises are a constant threat to my will to live while filming; with such dangerous decibel demons as: cars, people, dogs, tree surgeons, lawnmowers and fucking AEROPLANES I HATE THEM SO MUCH! There’s nothing more frustrating than being frozen in a spot looking at a weird stick on the floor or something waiting for a never ending parade of noisy things to fuck off so you can record yourself saying a three second comment about it. I lied, what’s worse is all that but when the sun also keeps disappearing behind the clouds every time the noises stop just to tease me further. And the FUCKING WIND. I HATE the wind, messing up my hair and blowing into the mic ruining my audio every. Single. Time. I. Press. Record. I start to feel bullied, the noise will end and the wind will blow, then the wind will stop and the sun will move, then the noise will start again, they just pick on me one after the other.

From the outside I likely look like disassociating weirdo as I wait for the chance to film between obstacles but inside, oh boy, inside I am filled with the burning hatred of a thousand sexually frustrated wasps. I’m good at keeping it bottled up but I’m certain the day will come that the lid pops off and it’ll be just my luck that someone is around to see my tiny, squeaky, frothing rage.

As for my equipment, most the time I just record myself with my phone using a selfie stick; the stick I use doubles as a stand which is handy because it’s an inanimate object and I don’t feel bad about calling it horrible names or making it wait while I try and get a shot that doesn’t make me want to puke in disgust. Well, that’s not true, I do feel bad and I do apologise to it. The rest of the time I use Tech-Boy as a stand because he is taller and more versatile than a stand but with the down side of him not quite being an inanimate object so I feel a little bit of extra pressure when making him wait and I can’t call him horrible names. He’s a very good boy though, not a peep of complaint from him as I move and adjust him into all manner of likely uncomfortable positions to get an angle I like, nor a whisper of irritation while I repeat the same lines and do silly faces and vocal stims between takes; unfortunately he does start to sag a bit after a few hours of roleplaying as a camera pole because of his weak human flesh.

After filming, I have to edit the videos. I use the app ‘video-leap’ on my phone because I lack the executive functioning to send the clips to a more suitable device. I don’t really know what to say about editing, I kind of enjoy it aside from having to look at my own face the whole time. I try and cut all the fat off the clips and get nice comedic timing if I did a joke. The timing and flow of the clips is really important to keep people engaged, as I’ve come to learn, and if I can I will try and order the clips in such a way that it tells a little story which is always a surprise when it happens because it will feel like I have a load of useless garbage and then all of sudden it all just fits together like a puzzle… or it doesn’t but I don’t want to talk about what happens then. 

Anyway, At this point I’m always like “Hooray! I’m finished!” Only to remember that I need to add subtitles, then I’ll cry and have bad feelings when the auto-generated subtitles are all wrong and cry a bit more while I spend another hour correcting them all and then it’s DONE! WOW! Then I post it Immediately! 

Now, I think most reasonable content creators have like a little backlog of content to keep things on track, so they might post a video they made a few weeks prior on a schedule; likely that makes things like having a pattern where they post their content a week early as a perk possible. I don’t seem able to do this, I finish my videos just on time! I did have a back-log for a few months and that was the period where I was doing the thing I just said, but I had a wobble and the backlog vanished :( So the videos you see posted on every Tuesday were in fact filmed either the day before or that very same day! How insane is that! I guess my traumatised brain needs a certain pressure threshold to be crossed before it is able to function. Tee hee.

The irony is that I make these calming little mental health walk videos projecting peace and relaxation but the process of making them is, according to this account at least, seemingly very stressful. Yet, I think I get enough out of making them that it’s worth it for me. Creating stuff isn’t ever made to sound easy and so sometimes, very rarely and when I am in a strange and grateful frame of mind, I feel just a little proud of those videos and just a littler proud of myself for getting up and making them. Even though most of the time I can’t even look at a video once I’ve posted it, I think that flickering pride may still be there smouldering under all the shame and self-deprecating sludge that fills my head, singing encouragement to me and compelling me to make the next little video, the next little achievement, the next little step forwards.

Anyway, hope you didn't find that interesting. I love you!