Pisces The Walking Disaster Ch 1.5

...

I swept through Goowle Locations to try and find the nearest graveyard- One that's hopefully empty right now. I'd already bought the sugar packs, and the forum post got me enough negative points to qualify for the magical energy required- I quickly stiffened as my senses picked up a nearby flock of witches who'd flown onto a nearby rooftop.

Narrowing my eyes as my gaze swept towards them, my view for a brief moment distorting as my senses sought them out before- I held in the urge to snort at the teenage gaggle no doubt skipping their lessons, and if they weren't skipping then their choice of modern clothing definitely would've got them kicked out for the day. I froze the slightest bit in surprise as I watched them take something out of their pocket... Were those phones in their hands? Huh.

I almost felt a hint of pride at the fact that some witches were finally getting a hold of technology! ...And look at that, ruined already!

The bloody idiots were taking selfies- Ugh, I thought that trend died already.

I ignored the shudder that swept through me as I watched them huddle up for a group photo of sorts and held in the urge to twitch when I watched one of them throw a craft out that filled the sky in darkness for half a second.

Did... Did she seriously just risk sending every single person in the city into a panic for a freakin' better background!? For a photo!?

Ugh. Use a filter next time you uncultured moron!

Eh, whatever. Teaching kids right from wrong and reckless from stupid wasn't my problem anymore!

I let out a sigh and got back to what I was doing while electing to ignore their abysmally weak invisibility crafts. My view quickly turned normal again as I shook my head at the new generation. I quickly amped up the three separate crafts covering and protecting me from witch sight and kept on going about my day.

Oh right, regarding the stupid, C, there was a trick I might've failed to mention regarding how I've gotten away with so much crap over the years, and you know the whole breaking the laws of reality without ending up in a scripture. It's 'cos technically my last introduction to a coven happened around one hundred and fifty years ago. (They were super hip okay, and believed in world domination and everything so I was just curious!) Legally speaking, I was technically dead. Magically speaking, this is my one-hundredth reincarnation.

I can't wait for the Chariot to give me an earful about it!

And yes, the years don't add up because I lost like fifteen lives to witch hunts and really, you'd think the magical hunters would've realised I had a reincarnation scripture constantly applied to myself. Which is a very big no-no by the way. Like really bad in rule-breaking. Like bad enough to get every coven down on one's behind for even suggesting using it, let alone using it to loophole yourself across human history in the hopes of living in a better age! ...Well that and also to get out of any messes you 'created.'

When all else fails, time-travelling to the future via death was generally a pretty good way to solve day-to-day problems.

And honestly, I don't really remember all of them, just the really memorable ones!

Like, accidentally caused the dinosaur's extinction memorable- Wait, you were there for that one! You screamed my head off for like three weeks over it! Also, reincarnation wasn't a thing yet so... Back then it was just called a nap... Huh. Guess it was just a bad example all around that one!

Okay, okay let's see... An example C wouldn't know...

Ah, getting rejected by a new agreement with the devil because I'd had way too many already! That and the fact it's borderline just trolling him at that point.

That was a fun time.

The impromptu witch hunt, not so much. It's really hard to run from flying witches as a seven-year-old.

My eyes quickly lit up as I found the graveyard I'd been looking for. It was apparently named after some sainty old human or something. The name of the place was probably longer than it needed to be. It's fine though, long as it's got some corpses, it'll do!

That was... everything, I suppose? With that in mind and a giddy grin on my face, I calmly made my way towards it!

...

I hummed a little tune to myself as I scrolled through Binsterchat, while the shovel magically made the necessary inscription on the grave in front of me. It was the twentieth and last one of the ordeal. And yes, don't worry, I already put every visitor nearby to sleep, of which there were only two. And double yes, there was an actually competent invisibility field surrounding me.

When my shovel made a ping, the sound of it having completed said inscription, I started stretching and quickly heard a few satisfying pops before I promptly started up the incantation.

A third of the way through, I watched as every inscription started glowing an eerie green hue, my hand mechanically going through my pocket for the paper that my Director so helpfully and ignorantly filled up.

Two-thirds of the way through... I watched as my three pints of sugar spread about equally across each chosen grave and just as it reached the last part, I magically took my phone out and opened it up towards the post I'd made, if only to make sure it definitely had the necessary votes on it-

"Hey! What do you think you're doing!?"

A voice randomly called out, distracting me for a moment as I turned an owlish look over towards my left. My eyes rapidly widened as I took in the fact there was a witch watching me with a wary look on her face.

I wasn't surprised that a witch had noticed there was tomfoolery afoot nor the fact she'd broken through my crafts, even if it was a little impressive. I was more surprised at the get-up she wore.

Judging on appearances alone she looked to be in the middle of her twenties and yet was for some reason dressed in what could only be considered a parody of a Halloween witch costume. Worse... it was a cheap one at that!

Between the giant red hat covering long black hair and shockingly yellow eyes which had to be a medical issue 'cos there was no way that was natural, to the red skirt and a beige shirt, covered by a red designless cloak... Sheesh, the only thing missing was a crooked nose and she'd be a shoo-in for a musical!

I shook my head at that and completely ignored the way she was looking me up and down, though there was a strange glint in her eyes one that hinted that there was something really off about her- Well, besides her fashion sense anyway. Okay, the more I look at her the less I can ignore it.

The white stockings and work boots were just- ugh... And don't even get me started on that oversized hat brim. I am not sure if my stint as a make-up artist was showing through or not, but good god girl you can use witchcraft! Don't hurt my eyes like that! There's more to life than that! Be classy, be modern- Edgy! Doesn't matter, just don't get your costume outta a charity shop!

Still... Her expression stood out the most. There really was something off about it, I just couldn't really put my finger on it for some reason... not that it mattered in the grand scheme of today though.

Now, where was I..?

Oh right.

I just got caught in the middle of a no-no.

Said witch's eyes had rapidly narrowed as she processed the scenery before her, her mouth opening almost a second later as she seemed to come to a conclusion- Not wanting to waste any more time, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the Glock.

Given she was likely about to throw a spell at my face, was a veritably advanced witch of her own right on account of managing to get through my security measures, and would most likely disagree with my explanation for the reanimation incantations on the graves in front of me anyway, I felt no hesitation in putting a bullet through her head.

But hey, at least the blood matched her costume.

Her body rocked back, her face filled with shock and mild confusion, just as my incantation finished!

I couldn't help the amusement on my face at it all. She was advanced enough to both hide her presence, and break through my invisibility, but not advanced enough to avoid a bullet to the face.

Silly witch.

Still, it wasn't exactly a good thing to do, on account of every witch technically being part of the Devil's Work Union so, naturally, I took out a spare true reincarnation scripture and wined it up a few decades before I slapped it on her gobsmacked and very dead face.

That done, I calmly let out a nod of satisfaction and turned back to my phone-

Oh no. I immediately thought. Oh no...  My head repeated.

My eyes widened at the points the post had garnered-

Oh no, no no, no not again!

"Crap, crap, crap, crap!" I muttered hastily as I made to undo the incantation before, to my horror, I found it had already been completed.

"Craaaaaap!" I quickly held my head for a brief moment and turned to glare at the witch that had distracted me. "Oh, you stupid idiot!" I let out completely flustered.

Oh, and I was so close to getting a promotion!

"Damnit!" I held in the sheer frustration that was exploding to get out and calmly took in a deep breath before letting it out. After a moment of slight resignation, I double-checked the damage and let out a sigh just as the zombies slowly started popping through the ground.

The forum post had blown up, which meant the bootleg magical energy it had made was... well, too much, which meant that the zombie cast was... a little more permanent. And also just a little greater in number, given the sheer negativity involved with its energy source.

instead of one inscription per zombie, it was more one inscription per state now.

"Great..." I muttered and idly sat my butt down on the ground. Taking a few tarot cards out, I made a predictio- And yup, two Reapers.

For context, the last time one Reaper popped up, three wars were started.

"Welp, time to start another rodeo, I guess?" I sighed, before adjusting my reincarnation scripture to wake me up forty-five years from now. I made a confession on the grave pinning this whole mess on the nearby witch, and my Director who given it was his 'demand' made it painfully obvious it was his fault and promptly activated my reincarnation scripture, because screw dying by anyone else's choice!

...