nudity.slip

Austria 2024# My 29s birthday

Added 2025-08-28 15:00:08 +0000 UTC

There’s a little less than two months left until my birthday… and I stumbled upon some photos from our trip to Austria with Gary. To be honest, I don’t even really remember the exact place we were in.

But this isn’t about the place — it’s about the state I was in.

I’ve always felt strange on my birthdays. People congratulate you, come over, bring gifts, raise their glasses of wine to your health… and instead of joy, I mostly felt stress. The preparation, the fuss, and in the end — emptiness. At some point I just stopped celebrating. Sometimes I’d stay alone, sometimes I’d go to my parents, hoping to feel that childhood warmth again. But of course, it was never the same, and I was always left unsatisfied.

That only changed in the last two years.

I spent my 28th and 29th birthdays in the forest — real, autumn, damp, alive. The first time in Kyiv with friends (who, honestly, weren’t exactly thrilled about trudging into the woods in rain and mud). The next year, with Gary in Austria. And both times, it was incredible.

I realized something important: as much as I love my friends and family, I want to spend my birthday in quiet. That day feels too special — it asks for reflection, attention, for a moment to hear myself. To look around and ask: where am I, and where do I want to go next? And if I don’t know yet — at least to find a new direction. The older I get, the stronger that need feels.

Of course, I love receiving greetings and unwrapping gifts. But the truth is, I often feel like I’m giving that special day away to others instead of to myself.

That’s why I’m especially grateful to Gary for last year — we spent it in peace, with soft conversations under the sound of water and the forest around us.

And one more thing — I realized I actually want rain on my birthday. I want it to wash everything away, to cleanse me, to christen me again. Because it really does feel like being born anew.

This year, the forest might not be the same one I know. But I hope at least the rain will be there.

So tell me — how do you feel on your birthday? Do you ever get that sense of being “born again”?