Resident Evil 7: Biohazard (2017 game) = Finished

I'm going to say something that sounds a lot like hyperbole, but I promise that it isn't.

Resident Evil 7 is the best first-person game ever made.

I don't know why this game - in a series that I always struggled to understand on a fundamental level - clicked with my brain SO HARD, but it did. I wrote three gosh dang Twitter threads about Resident Evil 7, each one filled with more wonder than the last. I've postponed this post for months, trying to figure out how the hell to encapsulate this titanic personal experience when Resident Evil 7 is...just...so much?

What can I say about the game that I haven't said before - or that will make you feel like you don't need to play the game anymore, even though it's essential for your continued well-being?
It turns out the answer is something I wouldn't have been able to speak on until I finished it.

I'm going to put aside its sensational foundation of surprise, and its remarkable physicality, and its ability to communicate core pieces of the Resident Evil brand like crafting, ammunition management, or when to run the f*ck away in a way that newcomers like me can grasp, and its surprisingly nuanced storytelling amidst the grime and blood and filthy, fantastic details. Making copious use of [REDACTED] tags, I'm going to very briefly discuss how Resident Evil 7's greatest strength is its pacing.
I can't think of a single other game that crosses genre and gameplay expectation boundaries as many times as RE7 does, and still feels like a cohesive experience that's impossible to put down.

STAGE 1
You are afraid of Louisiana. For a full 30-45 minutes, you are proven right.

STAGE 2
You are afraid of [REDACTED]. You are proven right forever.

STAGE 3
You fight [REDACTED], and learn you cannot win, and decide holy SH*T YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF LOUISIANA.

STAGE 4
Increased mastery, growing familiarity with space. You are hunted by the Monolith.

STAGE 5
You gain access to [REDACTED]. [REDACTED] pushes you to complete goals outside of your comfort zone, but you have safe havens to return to. You grow stronger.

STAGE 6
You complete the goals, but the places you thought to be safe are proven...less so. [REDACTED] again changes the rhythm of the game.

STAGE 7
You defeat [REDACTED] because you are very Clever and Smart and Handsome and Good At This Game. You move on to [REDACTED], which quickly segues into oH DEAR GOD WHAT IS--

STAGE 8
[REDACTED] better be dead by now. You are faced with a choice at what you probably believe to be the end of the game.

STAGE 8a
SURPRISE

STAGE 9
You are robbed of power in a pressure-cooker microcosm of the previous stages, and your mastery is proven to be founded on LIES.

STAGE 10
In the words of Sweeney Todd: "AT LAST, MY ARM IS COMPLETE AGAIN."

STAGE 11
[REDACTED]. Call to action.

STAGE 12
ACTION

STAGE 13
Am I...crying?

STAGE 14
ACTION ACTION ACTIO--

I've seen a lot of folks argue that many of the events after Stage 8 are unnecessary. So, why does Stage 9 exist? Is it an arbitrary extension of the game?

I argue NAY.

Without the opportunity to remember disempowerment, you won't appreciate your own journey up to that point, the breathless power trip that comes after, or the quiet emotion that emerges after that. It would be a straight, boring line.

So...yeah.

Resident Evil 7 constantly reinvents itself, while retaining overwhelming momentum.

It is perfect.

It is the best first-person game ever made.